Thursday, May 27, 2004
Loving and Suffering in Silence
Not a day passes that he thinks of you. Often wondering, what can he do to make you want him?
It’s sad to think that he’s loving and suffering in silence because he hasn’t done an ounce to try to spend time with you.
He ponders on thoughts: on when was the last time a guy did something for you? I mean, something that he really went out of his way to make you feel pampered, special and loved. While kissing, did you raise your feet unknowingly and realized it having done so? Found notes in your pocket or handbag written by him confessing of his ardent love towards you? Given you a box of chocolates that you can honest to goodness say that “you’ll never know what you’re gonna get” when eaten? Have you browsed through his wallet and saw a number of calling cards to a flower shop or seen the list of his cellular phone’s speed dial and read a name and number to a flower shop near your home? Spent countless hours of conversing not realizing that you’ve been holding hands somewhere in the middle?
All this meandering has cost him, she’s taken and he’s afraid there is nothing he can do about it.
It seems that as he embarks on this path. He will end up by himself with love and suffering accompanying him in silence.
posted by vinz @ 7:31 PM
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Monday, May 24, 2004
Nice Guys Finish Last
Let these thoughts be the end of it for he is way ahead of himself yet, again.
As the looming shade of neglect creeps upon his ravaged soul, he struggles to keep his head afloat the sea of abyss. Wave upon wave of dire memories pours forth upon him repeatedly.
He does not cry out for help neither does he vociferate the pain he carries nor fulminate of what the terrible aching that’s eating him inside little by little is for.
An acrid fool he is to think that nice guys won’t finish last. Let him wallow in the darkness and let the scars heal, for it will be the fuel that he will need to strive.
The cards are stacked against his favor regarding this matter, which is auspicious in a sense. May the plans he has set in motion go accordingly, it has taken him years to reach this point to where he is at, present.
Pain and suffering go hand in hand and from the flames it cost him; from its ashes may he rise with more fortitude.
He weeps and mourns for the loss of what he doesn’t have. Hope is at fault and the price is his subtle heart.
posted by vinz @ 4:30 PM
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Thursday, May 20, 2004
Confessions of a Melodramatic Fool episode 2
A few weeks passed by and the feelings that I’ve been carefully carrying have grown immensely. I haven’t seen her in weeks and I’m fast becoming delirious more and more each passing day. And I fear the only cure for this madness is to be with her.
I’m famished as hell to get to know her more. I wonder how she spends her day? What time does she usually wake? Pondering on thoughts like would it be fine with her if we’d spend the late afternoon ‘till early evening talking in a nearby park, simply enjoying one’s company, will she? Enjoy my company?
I won’t keep my hopes up. I’ve been through this far too many times. I’ve to do my best to win her over without overdoing it and without masking myself with inane words coming from my mouth, relax and be your true self.
Don’t think too much, you’ll never have fun and enjoy her company if it ever comes to that. So what? If you’ve been hurt before, the leap of faith and the aspiration of true love has always been the source of your strength to pursue.
Why read all those books if you’re not to take risks? Without risk there is no reward. Experience has taught you that and from the mistakes you’ve had has always been the driving force for you to persevere and succeed.
My heart beats a little bit faster every time, and I do mean every time, I see her name in my cell phone’s inbox. It seems like I’m opening a present, as I am about to read her message. She is now one of my founts of inspiration and happiness.
For now, I’m relishing the emotions I’m experiencing. I wish none of these would turn sour in the future. As of tonight, I’ve concluded that I’ve laid out my heart once again in hopes that I may be the one for her.
posted by vinz @ 5:29 PM
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Saturday, May 08, 2004
Confessions of a Melodramatic Fool
How do you begin liking someone?
You see her and you admire her physical features, fine. However, how is it to say that you like her truly?
You maybe allowing yourself like her when the opportunity of getting to know her arises. You get to spend time with her for a few hours, see her personality up-close and without the restraints that you’ve set for yourself, you find yourself strangely attracted to her.
I suppose you begin to like her the following day, when –without control, the time you spent with her plays over and over again in your mind. Her voice echoing within and slowly filling a void within you. Her face and smile nudging your mind, warming you all over and your lips seems to curve into a smile without you noticing.
With haste you type something down in your cell phone planning to send her a message. Upon finishing you read and re-read it all over again only to delete it in the end. You think too much of what’ll she think.
You realize then that you must be confident in yourself and not expect too much of the situation and so, you end up sending her a nonchalant message. After which you dreadfully wait for her reply.
You leave your cell phone in the living room and when you hear it’s ringing tone you come bolting from your room only to find that globe has sent you a promotional text message.
This is how you always get hurt in the end. Think about it thoroughly. All what you’re going through could all just be infatuation. Sleep on it.
Then, how come you’re craving for her company?
How come you’re looking forward to get to know her?
How is it that even though that she talks rather fast, that when you hear her voice in your mind it plays in slow-mo?
How is it that her voice mellows you right through?
Answer me that.As I said, it could all just be infatuation, sleep on it.
posted by vinz @ 4:28 PM
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Sunday, May 02, 2004
Another Sleepless Night
I am at a predicament and it seems to me that the incident that happened to me over more than a year ago has led me to this unpleasant situation.
A lady turned me down and it was the first in a long time that I fully let myself open up to someone. I neglected my instincts and from it the demise I came upon in the end.
At present I’m having trouble entering an intimate relationship. Intimate by my definition of opening myself to her fully, letting her understand and know what makes me tick. Only one person truly knows who I am.
I do go out with different ladies however; at present I’ve been spending time with friends I know little about. Entering a relationship is the least thought in my mind.
A little over a month ago, I could have entered a relationship with two women, I didn’t for I couldn’t feel anything with them and what made them want me was my fault. I flirted with them and they bit the bait. I’m citing this not to brag or anything, quite simply to base as a fact. However, mind you that both ladies weren’t from my college.
I can’t say why I did it, or how I did it for that matter, the words easily flowed from my lips. I’m not saying I can do this to any lady I choose and the lady I figured was attracted to me in the first place and I merely followed through.
As of the moment I’m doing my best to spend time with friends that I barely know and trying my best to fulfill promises that I’ve made such as cooking for them. Earlier on, I visited a friend that I occasionally visit her home and fulfilled my promise to her of me cooking my white sauce pasta that I’ve been boasting for some time and I’m glad that I accomplished that task and with humility proved to her that what I was bragging about in the past was true.
Often people misunderstand my intentions regarding why spending or finding time with people I barely know and for that matter with them. I still can’t fully understand why I do it. Probably, the way I lived my childhood, I recall I was always angry and moody and I can’t seem to understand why I was like that. Quite possibly, I regret a lot of things I’ve done in the past. I was inconsiderate and arrogant and for the past several years I’ve been doing my best to change all that. Thus, from all of these are reasons why I’m adamant to my principles and maybe why I find time for them. I want them to have a vivid memory of me as someone they could count on when in need of an honest opinion or other matters such as having fun or enjoying a movie without worrying of making moves at her/them.
I suppose you could say I’m venting out my thoughts at the moment and casting it out to the world.
posted by vinz @ 6:27 PM
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