Change On a Dime

It's Tuesday again so time for another update.

I saw my OB last Friday, and while he was happy to see that things hadn't gotten any worse, he wasn't jumping up and down either. He reminded me that when you're dealing with millimeters there isn't a lot of difference between 8mm and 15mm (1.5 cm). He again reminded me that if I was ever worried about anything to go straight to Labor and Delivery. I laughed and said that if I went every time I was worried about something I would be there all the time. He just smiled and said "You can be a frequent flier if you have a cerclage!"

This morning I saw the perinatologist. They did another growth check...these are done every other week and is by far my favorite part of this adventure! She gets very squirmy during the ultrasounds. I don't know if she's bothered by all the peeking and pushing or if she's just excited to say hi to me. I like to think she's just excited :) She weighs about 3 lbs. right now. Before she was measure about a week small, but now she is only measuring a day behind...so she's right on target! Today we saw she has hair...phew! and really good arches in her feet as well as a gallbladder :) Apparently those aren't things you always see in an ultra sound.

She is still breech and pushing down on my cervix. Those feet of hers might be the reason my cervical length is measuring so small. Today the measurement was 5mm. So far it's the smallest length since the cerclage. I'm home, which is good. She's still growing, which is excellent. Again, I was reminded to go straight to Labor and Delivery if there was anything different going on. I'm so grateful to have made it this far (we'll be 29 weeks on Thursday), but would really like to make it much further. 32 weeks is a huge milestone and will be here on May 19th. I would love to see June!

I have good mental health days and some not so good days. I've been down for 8 weeks now and hope to have at least that many ahead of me. I feel like such a burden at times. No one complains, and everyone is so willing and helpful. But I can't stop thinking about how every ones lives are so busy. They have their own kids to take care of, their own houses to clean, families to feed, and things to get done. I hate inconveniencing people and taking them away from everything they need to do. But I can't do much of anything for myself or my family without risking early delivery of our baby. Asking for help has never been easy for me, but I'm getting better :)

I see my OB on Friday. We'll see what he has to say about how things are going. Until then, you can find me on my couch with a stash of food, a laptop, movies, and books galore!

Dear Tuesday, I'm in Love

When Tuesday morning comes I start to feel so sick to my stomach. It's like the first day of school, huge exams, speaking in church, life changing event kind of nervous. I always take a book and I never pack a bag. One day they might make me stay at the hospital...like they did the first time I saw the perinatologist . It was on a Tuesday....March 1st. I've been down ever since. I figure if they make me stay, at least I'll have a book. Brian can always bring me what I need later.

Today I am on cloud 9! We went to the appointment, really hoping that everything is staying the same. First bonus of the day: I enjoyed a wonderful ride to the hospital with my good friend. Second bonus: Brian had a canceled surgery and he made it to the appointment. While we were there we got excellent news. Not only did my cervical length not get any worse but it almost doubled! Last week it was 8mm today it was 1.5cm! I couldn't believe it! I believe my response was "Hot Dog!" I did not expect this, but I am so happy! Between being a good girl on bed rest and my weekly shots, things are doing what they are supposed to. I know things can change drastically in either direction from week to week, but for now I am feeling very optimistic that we will get a lot closer to full term!

After a delicious lunch from my friend, I am back home on the couch, and feeling like I could do this forever!!

Tuesday Update

I saw the high risk doc today. Things have stayed pretty much the same (cervical length is 8mm today...last week it was 9mm) and that is a wonderful thing! Hopefully by doing what I'm doing we'll keep on keepin' on! One of the highlights to this whole "high risk adventure" is that I get in-depth ultrasounds quite regularly. She is still breech. Both feet are playing on the stitch, but it's okay for now. They also did another growth check. She is measuring about 2 lbs 2 oz and looks great! Phew! It's been a long time since I've come home from a Tuesday appointment with good news and it feels great!! :)

Bazinga!

I've been looking on-line at baby bedding to get ideas for the nursery, and even though I like the pinks and browns, it's just a little overdone. I would probably like it more if everything out there wasn't pink and brown! I have had this picture in my head of using teal, orange, and fuchsia type colors but couldn't find anything that I liked. My wonderful friend came over today and as we talked she asked what kind of bedding I was thinking of. She pointed me in the direction of Hobby Lobby .com and there I found the perfect fabric! She even volunteered to help make everything. She is so talented just like her momma and I know that it will turn out amazing! Here is the fabric that will be the inspiration for her nursery...

Don't you love it? No? Well, I do! I think it will be so fun to play with all the colors in there :) Oh, this fabric just made my day!!!

Dr. Feel Good

I'm 26 weeks today and had a nice visit with my OB. Things have stayed the same since Tuesday. No change is a good thing :) I've realized that Dr. D (high risk doc) is kind of a gloom and doom, worst case scenario kind of a guy. I usually leave his office feeling like I could have this baby at any second! Which, technically, I guess I could. Dr. L (the OB), however, is continually optimistic and makes me feel a lot better about what's going on. He doesn't sugar coat things, but he does give me hope that we can go a lot further before delivery. The good thing about both of them is that Dr. D scares me enough to keep me glued to my couch and Dr. L keeps me feeling positive about all the good that will come from all of this. I am still at home on the most strict of bed rests and I can stay here as long as I am 100% faithful staying down. Things will be reevaluated next Tuesday. If I do end up having to spend time in the hospital it will be okay. It's not ideal, but I will do whatever it takes for this little princess. There has been some confusion on what is going on. My mom, bless her soul, was telling some of my sisters that I was dilated to a 9 after I told her that my cervix was measuring 9mm on Tuesday! It's so easy to get discombobulated with all this mumbo-jumbo :) I explained some things a few posts ago, but hopefully this new information will help clear things up even more. The cervix dilates (opens) and effaces (thins out) as pregnancy progresses. Both are necessary to deliver a baby. My cervix is being held closed by the cerclage (stitch). The stitch is made of super-duper strong stuff and it won't break. However, the material that it is sewn to (my cervix which is just connective tissue) isn't so strong. So there is a risk that the stitch can pull away. Not likely, but there is a risk. The effacing (or thinning out) narrows the gap between the baby and the outside world. When it is at 0 cm (or 1oo% effaced) it is as short as it will ever be. My cervical length is measuring at 9 mm (math recap: there are 10 mm in 1 cm). It is less than 1 cm in length and a normal length is around 4 cm. So I guess you could say that I am 95ish% effaced. Our next big milestone is 28 weeks...after that 30....after that 32. I'm doing all I can by doing nothing at all and I know that the rest is in the Lord's hands. I take great comfort in knowing that I haven't done anything irresponsible and I have followed the doctor's orders. And like they say on Kung Fu Panda "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift...that's why they call it the present."

Ugh!

When I hit "publish" all my individual paragraphs are lumped into one ginormous paragraph. I have tried to fix it multiple times to no avail. So sorry! It's really rather annoying :)

There's No Place Like Home

I, for one, think a post is quite boring without pictures. Unfortunately, I am in no position to take pictures, and all the ones I have taken are on the desktop, and well, you know. I have, however, decided to add one from google images to help with this post. Our life is not all baby, and it certainly isn't all drama, but you would think that with my posts lately. I will do a post later this week about my sweet boys. They've been troopers through all this and, quite simply, they're absolutely amazing. But for now, it's another baby update. Today I am 25 weeks 5 days along with our little princess. Last week I went in to the perinatologist (high risk doc) and they did a growth check. She is measuring about a week smaller, but not a concern. She weighed 1 lb 8 oz....so hopefully she's closer to 2 lbs now. Everything looks great with her. She is healthy and growing! They also did a cervix check last week. I am pretty sure he said it was measuring at 1.1 cm, but today he said it was 1.5 last week. Either way it's not great. He said I needed to "be the blob" on the couch. Very limited activity. I shouldn't do anything more than was absolutely necessary. Today. Today I went back in to the perinatologist (this will now be a weekly thing). Today my cervix is 9mm. Today the doctor said he was "on the fence" about admitting me into the hospital today. Luckily, after talking with the on-call OB, I was able to come home. Today he told me that I need to pack a suitcase for the hospital and take it with me to every appointment. Today I am back on strict bed rest. Bathroom and eating privileges only. Today I cried all the way home from the hospital. Here is a little ruler to help with the visual. This is a 4 cm ruler. 4 cm is the length of a normal cervix. On March 2nd (the day of my cerclage) it measured at 0 cm. No cervical length. Baby would have most likely been delivered within a week if they hadn't done the surgery. One week after the cerclage my cervix measured 2 cm. Yippee!! Two weeks after that it measured at 1.6cm. Last week 1.5(or 1.1) cm. Today 9 mm. Less than a centimeter. Closer to where we were 5 weeks ago. If things were to stay here I would still be fine. The problem is that I'm not in pre-term labor. I'm not having contractions. There isn't anything causing these changes to take place. Really there is nothing to do to prevent it. Besides maybe standing on my head? My body just isn't holding up. Oh, and she is still breech and she is kicking my cervix. Literally. She is standing right on the stitch that is holding her in. Also not a good thing. Things aren't ideal. Definitely not going the way I had planned, but they are still going. Today while I waited for my appointment I was thinking about how I wished I had brought my book to read while I waited. Then I remembered I had my Book of Mormon in my purse. I opened it up and started reading in Mormon. The first part of verse 5 in ch.1 stuck out to me and soon after I read it they called my name and I went back. It wasn't until I got home and I was praying for comfort/guidance/peace that I remembered what I had read: "Wherefore, I chose these things,..." and I couldn't help but think that this is my plan. I chose this. I really believe that in the pre-mortal life we knew life on earth would be hard, we may have even known specifically what some of our trials would be. And we rejoiced at the chance to come to earth, receive a body, and be tested. We rejoiced at our trials! And even though the unknowns are unsettling, I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to. They always have and I know they always will.