Thursday, March 7, 2013

Sunshine in My Soul

 
I have been in a serious slump lately.  We've been sick. A cold that seems to be passed from one person to the next and around and around it goes. It's still here. I feel like we've been living in quarantine. A quarantine inside a petri dish. Yesterday was another day...rough in the beginning. Taylee has a nasty cough. I've had a headache for days. Lots of bleh. 
 
Tay was still napping when I looked outside and realized that the sun was out. When I looked at the  time I realized that if we hurried we could take a walk up to the school to get Jaxon and all walk home together. A walk sounded like the cure we needed. It wasn't as warm as it looked, but it was warm enough. Round trip is almost 3 miles so by the time we got home our ears and hands were numb with cold. My back was a little sore, but it felt good to be moving again.
 
Fresh air and exercise...two things I've sorely missed over the past few months. It's amazing what those two things can do to the soul.
 
This morning as I went out for the newspaper I saw my tulips poking through. Seeing them almost made me cry...which isn't really that hard to do.
 
I planted them last fall. Dug a hole, placed them inside, and covered them with dirt. Hoping that they would survive the winter and grow in the spring. And survive they did!
I couldn't help but to relate to the tulip. The last few weeks I've felt like I'm stuck in a hole. Buried deep with darkness and winter all around me. It wasn't until recently that I even realized how bad I was getting. It wasn't until there was a little bit of light that I noticed just how dark it had gotten. But now, now I feel the sunshine in my soul again. I feel like I am breaking through the darkness and the dirt and reaching for the light. Hope and strength have been restored and I feel like I just might survive!
 
Recently I read this thought:
  "Never forget where you have come from and how you have been rescued by the grace of God."
 
So I'll remember where I've been, remember who I am, and remember that it is only by the grace of God that I am what I am today...and it will be even better tomorrow.
 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Today is Tuesday

It's Tuesday. I love Tuesdays. Typically it's a very busy day, but one I look forward to.
Today I took Taylee to the doctor. Double ear infections. That explains the runny nose, lack of sleep, and overall irritability of an otherwise (mostly) happy girl.
 Eye drops and antibiotics should do the trick.
 
Ryker went to Talking Time with Grandma while I took Taylee in. What a blessing it is to have family close by! Ryker loves Talking Time (a program through the Davis School District to help preschool age children with articulation before they start kindergarten). I've noticed huge improvements in the few weeks we've been going. I love that he says Tuesdays are his "lucky day". Talking Time in the morning and preschool in the afternoon. I hope he always loves school this much.
I also love that Ryker calls girls ladies. Ryker says "In our family we have 3 boys and 2 ladies." About a month or so ago he was going to his friend Jensen's house to play. He asked me if Jensen's ladies would be there. I was confused. "You know, his ladies...Jocelyn and Cianna." Ah, the sisters.
I love it!
 
Taylee loves her babies and takes good care of them. She got a baby doll for Christmas with a stroller, diaper bag, clothes, and feeding supplies. I wondered if she was too young. She walks around with the diaper bag slung over her shoulder and pushes the stroller. She likes to feed the baby. She also likes to feed me. One day she was feeding me and I pulled my phone out to video her. She was being really cute and saying "Mmmmm, yum!" when she would try to get me to eat. When she saw the phone she wanted to see what I was looking at, so I flipped the image so she could watch herself being recorded. This is her talking to herself. It's one of my favorite videos. At one point she notices her shirt and says "pretties".
 
This was taken between Christmas and New Years so she was just under 18 months. Now she is talking up a storm. My favorite phrases are "Mommy! Er are you?" and "Up Peas!" I'm not loving the "NO!" and "Dote!!" I started making a list of all the things she says at her check up. I got to 56 words and/or phrases. It seems like there's something new everyday. She's in a hurry to grow up. Before I know it I'll be getting her kindergarten registration in the mail.

Last night Jaxon was talking about going on a mission. It won't be that long before we could be getting his mission call in the mail. Every time I look at that boy I'm amazed at how big he is getting. We moved into this house when he was Taylee's age.

Tonight the boys and I will work on their class Valentine's. One day I hope they do away with Valentine's at school. I remember one year a boy brought in a stuffed bear, a balloon, and a gift bag for a girl in the class. In 2nd grade. Oh, brother!

Tonight we will also go the cemetery in Brigham City to let off 100 balloons. On this day 100 years ago, Brian's Grandpa Vincent was born. Brian was only 2 when he passed away.

In a few days we'll be back in Brigham City for Grandma Jensen's viewing and funeral. Grandpa Jensen passed away 11 weeks ago. Grandma had been so sad and confused since Grandpa's passing. I'm so happy they are together again. Brian's grandparents have been a big part of our lives. I'm glad our kids knew them and had a relationship with them.

Happy Tuesday

Monday, January 14, 2013

November Photo Dump

November Highlights:
* Ryker's field trip to the city fire station
* Hanging the Christmas lights on the house
*Taylee's crazy nap hair...always has a smile :)
*Jaxon had a little bump on his arm and the next day there was a huge bruise around the bump. It kept getting bigger for a couple of days. We took him in to the doctor and nobody could figure out what it was. We had him take a steroid for a couple of days and it went away. They thought it might have been a bug bite but couldn't see any puncture marks. Very weird!
*Jaxon had a piece of art work on display at school.
*Thanksgiving was with the Taylor family (my mom's side). We held a raingutter regata...I took 1st place!
*Grandpa Jensen passed away at age 92
*Adam, Emily, and Sophie were able to come down from Alaska for the funeral. The kids loved having cousin Sophie around!!
*Temple square to see the lights with the Vincent family.
*Taylee let me put her hair in french braids :) She loves to play the piano and sing!
*Tay discovered the fascination of wearing big shoes. She loves to put on our shoes and walk around.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

October Photo Dump

A friend of mine has started doing a monthly photo dump. My friends always have the good ideas...that's why they're my friends :)
 Since I haven't done very good at keeping this blog updated, I thought I would give it a try.
Not that many of these need explanations, but I still thought I would say a little something about what happened during the month of October.

*Jaxon and Ryker rode the little battery-powered 4-wheeler at Grandma and Grandpas.
* We rode Frontrunner to SLC and spent time at the Gateway and Hansen Planetarium
*Taylee started letting me do her hair again...and she leaves it in :)
*Picking pumpkins at the neighbor's pumpkin patch.
*Painting pumpkins instead of carving was lots of fun!
*Taylee started folding her arms for prayers.
*Ryker spent a lot of time shooting hoops in the driveway.
*Jaxon earned his Bobcat.
*Taylee found some babies at the store and didn't want to let go. We made her anyway and she screamed.
*Jaxon finished fall soccer. He loved it and did great.
*Taylee ate a lemon and didn't love it.
*Trick-or-Treating with cousins Wyatt and Piper. A ladybug, GI Joe, and Jake the Neverland Pirate.
*Being home with Ryker and Taylee is loads of fun!

2013 Goals

I've heard that in order to be more successful in accomplishing our goals we need to
1- write them down 
2-share our goals with others.

It all comes down to being accountable.

So here are my goals for 2013:

Family
* Complete photo books for Jaxon, Ryker, and Taylee's first years.
* Complete 2 years of family photo books
(I tried to be a scrapbooker once...made some layouts, never got a single picture on a page. It's not me. The photo books are much more up my alley and I love them!)
*Take more pictures with my children with their grandparents. I have a gazillion pictures of my kids alone and together, and quite a few with their cousins, and some with their aunts and uncles....but not too many with grandparents.

Spiritual
*Finish the Book of Mormon (I didn't do so hot in 2012, but I'll keep going and start again)
*Attend the temple monthly (I would love to get back to 2x a month...)
*Write in my journal weekly
*Follow/Live the 13th Article of Faith


Physical
*Eat vegetables daily (and no more Tootsie Rolls for breakfast)
*Run a 5k (I honestly don't love running, but it's a measurable goal and I need to get off my duff!)
*Exercise to be healthy, not to lose inches or pounds
*Make dinner 4x a week (at least)

Personal
*Overcome my fear of water by learning how to swim
*Sign up for swimming lessons!
(Can you believe I can't swim?!? That was so hard to put on here. Dumb, huh? Judge me if you will. I can't swim. I have this extreme fear of not having air. Put a blanket over my head and I will freak out! I can't even have my children sleep by me face to face...there's not enough oxygen! So naturally, getting to the point where I could keep my face in the water long enough to learn how to swim never happened. I can back float to save my life, but that's about it. I'm ready to get over this. If it wasn't for my children I don't know that I would ever face this fear. I often think about them and what if something happened in the water. Could I save them? Since this is the year of Faith not Fear...I'm going to do it. Soon. If I can ever get the guts to make the call...)

Crafty
*Get crafty :)  (Just kidding...that will probably not happen!)
*Complete simple projects like:
-Taylee's hair clip/bow holder
- Something else that I will think of later...

Emotional
*Don't be crazy :)
*Remember that events in life can either make me bitter or better. Choose better. Bitter is ugly.

13 is my favorite number, always has been. I have a good feeling about this 2013. It's going to be a good year!

I will also update this blog with pictures if I can ever figure out why blogger won't let me download photos.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

A New Year

Welcome 2013!

I am so happy for a new year...a new start, new goals, hopefully a new... me!!

I've been thinking about what I want to focus on this year for quite a while. Last year was a tough year for me. I was in a rut for most of it. Trying to keep my head above water to do the bare minimum...and the bare minimum is what I did...in almost every aspect of my life. This year I have high hopes that I won't live in the rut, probably visit it from time to time, but hoping that it will be short lived. I have hope.

I'm tired of being afraid. Fear is one of my least favorite emotions. I scare easily. I hate scary movies. I don't like the "thrill" of scary rides. I like thrills that come from finishing a project or getting a new book. I know I create a lot of my fears with the irrational thoughts in my little head. One of my favorite scriptures is in 2 Timothy and it says (in essence because I'm too lazy to look it up)
"God hath not given us the spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
I love that! I believe it! I want to live it!

So that's what brings me to my plan for this year to live by: Faith not Fear.

In correlation to that I am going to focus my life around the 13th Article of Faith. It was my favorite when I was in primary because it was the longest...and I felt so cool when I had it memorized! As we recited this Article of Faith in December in primary, I realized how much I really love it. I love everything about it. The Articles of Faith are the basic beliefs of our church...but more importantly they are what I believe.

I believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and in doing good to all men.
I believe all things. I hope all things. I have endured many things.
I hope to be able to endure all things.
I will seek after things that are virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy.

That's my plan.

Live by faith and not fear.

#13 in 2013

Monday, October 29, 2012

Who I Am

I've deleted the last post. As I reread it I realized how negative it was. I don't want to be a negative person...even if in the moment I was feeling that way. So, I'm going to try this again.

In sophomore choir we sang a song from the musical Jekyll and Hyde. It's stuck with me all these years partly because it had a very pretty melody and partly because it fit with me. The song is "No One Knows Who I Am". The title said it all. I felt like a sham. I didn't know who I was, where I fit in, and I lacked the confidence that so many others seemed to possess. I wanted to be who others thought I was, who I believed I could be, but who I felt far from at times.

It was during my high school years that I started on the track of knowing who I was, a track that I believe may actually last a lifetime. I felt like I was my real self in seminary, the me that I really wanted to be, the place where I felt confident and I could be myself. It's where I developed my testimony.

Life throws all sorts of twists and turns along our paths, and many of my trials have shaken my confidence...I feel my weaknesses float to the top and my strengths sink to the bottom and I doubt nearly everything about myself. I have the awful habit of feeling like I own the corner lot on trials. Sometimes I just don't want to be strong. Sometimes I just want the trials to go away. Let me be weak. Let me cry. And a lot of the time I am just that...a weak cry baby.

Through a series of events I was led to some online workshops by Matt Townsend. I have currently lost focus on everything I learned in these workshops, but last night the Spirit brought them back to the forefront of my mind. The workshops were called Ego vs Essence. Though not taught in a religious setting, the spirit confirmed the truth of what was taught. Ego = Natural Man; Essence = Spirit/Divine Self. The battle between being our true selves and being natural is ongoing.

Who am I?

My  true identity is not defined by my children, spouse, home, job, outward appearance, abilities or inabilities. It is not based on education, titles, money, or talents. It is not defined by the choices, successes or failures of my children, myself, or my spouse.

Remember Job? I think of him when I think of this. If I lost everything...absolutely everyone and everything in my life, who would I be? Am I basing my happiness on others and their choices? Am I basing my hope and peace in life on reaching earthly milestones?

My identity should only be driven from my essence...my true self, my divinity.

Who I am:

I am a daughter of the most high God, who loves me (and knows who I really am)

And I love Him.

When I know who I am I am able to see more clearly who others really are. Not by their positions or possessions. And not by their choices or behaviors. When I remember this and then live it, my attitudes and actions are driven out of my essence.

I am a daughter of God, serving sons and daughters of God.