Just because it's full daylight, doesn't mean it's time to get up.

Having both been employed the last four years of my life AND lived in a home with north/south ambiance (my bedroom window being on the north side), I tend to get a bit antsy when I awake to find the sun shining brightly into my bedroom window.  This would mean - at the very least - that it is nearly noon and I'm 3 1/2 hours late for work.
Not so much, in the land of unemployed bliss(?) in a room that faces east.

Did you know that - in July in this land of so much sky - the sun reaches full force the instant it peeks above the eastern horizon at 5:07 am?  Unlike the subtler form of dawn to which I'm accustomed.

This can have quite unnerving effects on one's waking moments to include a headlong rush to the bathroom, spewing expletives along the way, only to realize upon arrival in such safe haven that it is a) not yet 5:30 in the morning and b) there is no job to go to, anyway.

Life is gonna take a little getting used to! 

Missouri - and all that SKY!

I have never lived with so much sky! I am in awe of the beauty seen just from my backyard.  The sky here is so beautiful, I've started a photo album of simply skyscapes.

I love being here.   This is officially an "extended visit" since I still have my house and residency in Georgia and several loose ends to tie up; but I'm hoping that everything will wind up soon so I can be permanently here.  Much of my status is vague and conflicted - I feel that I need to be working, since my FM has improved dramatically in the last couple of months, so I'm trying to withdraw my disability claim and re-instate my unemployment benefits, while also looking for a job here.  Mostly, I've run of severance and am hoping to be able to start some form of money coming in as soon as possible.

Kellie has leased a duplex - quite a castle!  Three bedrooms, two baths, living room, large kitchen, garage, laundry room and bonus room in the basement.  She has rented out 1 bedroom to Carla, one of her former co-workers who is rarely here due to working full time and taking classes at the local university - University of Central Missouri.  I mostly stay home trying to tie up the aforementioned loose ends, sometimes cooking dinner, playing with Emi and always taking a nap! 

I love the Warrensburg ward - the people at church have been so welcoming and helpful!

Right now I'm in an agony of anticipation - hoping to hear that I was selected for a job I interviewed for on Monday.  Today is supposed to be "reveal" day!  I know!  I've been watching too much HGTV! 
I'm eagerly awaiting what comes next!

Even when I'm feeling good...

One thing I've avoided talking about so far is The Big F. Not, perhaps, what first comes to mind when someone mentions the F word; I - and millions of others like me - have another. It isn't a four letter word, but certainly carries some derogatory thoughts for those of us that share it.

Fibromyalgia. The friend that's with you 24/7 and never leaves your side; that you can count on to greet you when wake up in the morning, to tuck you in at night and follow you every step of your day.Better than a shadow, even, because it's more noticeable on those days when the sun hides his face.

I've had fibromyalgia (FM) for more than 20 years, now. The manifestations of my personal condition can range from moderate to severe and are myriad in nature. 

First, foremost and always there is pain. Aching, throbbing, dull, sharp - a different kind of pain for different parts of my body and sometimes from hour to hour for those parts that hurt. I have stiffness and pain in my hands, my upper back and shoulders, on my upper chest just below my collarbone and to each side of my sternum, particularly in the morning. 

These places are the "constants". The thing about FM pain is that it can travel and/or spread so that many days my entire body aches, throbs, burns - you name a variety of pain and on those days it's there somewhere. With medication, my pain is usually about 3 - 5 on a scale of 10, but can also rise to near unbearable - 7 - 10. ( People with FM (as well as many others) tend to rate wellness on a scale of 1 - 10. 1 is the very least; 10 the worst we've ever experienced.)

Fatigue is another constant. Some days it's very mild; other days it's disabling. And while I can sometimes predict when it will hit or know why, that isn't always true. Many days, all will be reasonably good, when suddenly its as if I've completely lost the power to remain upright.

There is no energy left. For anything. Like the pain this worsens in damp or chilly weather or when the weather changes. Combine the two and nothing can be accomplished on those days.

Brain (cognitive) dysfunction.  Some days, I feel like all the jokes about people losing their memory were invented because of me. My name? Give me a second... My phone number? Forget it! Unlike pain and fatigue, this isn't so constant. Like them, however, is the fact that I don't always (ever?) know when it will hit! It's as if my brain is a chalkboard and someone just comes along and erases anything I need to know. Not everything I know; just the particular facts I'm trying to retrieve at the time. And I know this happens to everyone, not just those with FM. I think the frequency of occurrence is much higher for us, though.

There are some other issues here and there that occur, but these three are the main culprits, the things that make it so difficult to just get up each morning.  The others - dizziness, blurred vision, weight gain (or loss for some people, not me, though), headache, IBS, sleep problems, anxiety and problems breathing - just seem to go with the territory for me.


There are medications that help and reducing daily stress has a huge impact.  Except for maybe a mention of good or bad days, I may never mention FM again.  Just once, though, I wanted to just put it out there!
 

So many events - so little time

... but you really would think I'd have been here at least once since 2009!

It's really been a little like Grand Central around here, though. Kellie, Gia and Emi here from March 2009, then Kathy and Sara came to stay in the spring of 2010. It got a little crowded (have I mentioned - two bedroom townhouse?), then just before we decided to buy/rent a larger house, Kellie decided she was moving to Missouri for some opportunities for her, there. I hate to say I don't remember exactly when, even though I rode with her in the moving truck - June, maybe? Hailee came to visit for several weeks in the summer, and then it was back to me, Kathy and Sara. Notice I didn't say "just". There is no "just" where a 4 - 5 year old is concerned! She loves her Nana, which is a good thing - but, oh my! Into everything! I traveled again in 2010 for the holidays - to Chicago for Thanksgiving with David and then to Missouri for Christmas with Kellie.

In December, I learned that I had been "surplussed" at work. For those unused to corporate spin, that means I was laid off. AT&T did a massive restructure and my job was one that disappeared as of February 28. Aside from my initial chagrin at being put out to pasture, I'm not really upset - I got a nice severance package and have since determined - with my doctor, discussion and much prayer - that now is a good time to retire on disability - if there ever IS a good time! It has just become more and more difficult to make it through the day, even when I'm not going to work.

SO... I'm now preparing for my trek West. My sister Ginny lived in California during the 70s and early 80s and my brother David lived in Kansas in the 70s. I'm a little late, but am moving to Missouri, probably the end of June, to coincide with Kathy's return to North Dakota. Kellie has decided to buy a house we can share. If I'm paying rent to her, the money from my severance will last much longer (hopefully until my disability claim is approved)than if I continue to maintain an independent residence here in Alpharetta. And this is exciting. I hate the packing part, but I can really get into moving.

Westward Ho!