I had the urge today, to blog about some thoughts that have been running through my mind.
I know I have stopped blogging for awhile, and many things have changed in my life.
But something really irked me today.

Since when has the world changed?
I did not realise.
I remember when i was a student,
the only thing i looked forward to was graduation.
So that i can earn my own money,
and gain the independence and freedom which i so craved.
money was not the be all and end all,
but it was definately one of my top priorities.
woe to me you say, but frankly
what can you do in life without money?
so, after graduation, I did some church "work",
but knew that i would never do it for long.
church "work" is just too random, unplanned and ad-hoc.
pastors/ministers change their visions, minds, thoughts too quickly.
i wonder if God ever changed His plans at his own pleasure.
anyway, back to the issue.
so i started working and i felt happy that i could provide for myself.
give money to my parents, granny etc.
it was part of me telling myself that i had grown up and i had to be responsible.
whenever i forget to pay my bills, they come back to haunt me, not my parents.
so i dont understand
how some people can just "enjoy" their life after graduation.
they go on trips around the world, take up a course on language, shake their legs,
go out on outings, dinners, take up part time / temp jobs, continue to have fun etc.
they refuse to face up to reality,
that it is the MAJORITY who has to support these bums in their quest for "meaning in life"
Peopl who chase their dreams, need time to find their direction are basically people who have no burdens / worries.
Cos bascially it is the rest of the world who keeps the globe turning.
can u imagine what happens if half the world just decided to "take time off" and search for their meaning in life and start to take long trips overseas to enjoy and shake leg?
lol that would be the day the earth would literally stand still, and we would basically be unable to function.
SO. thank the majorty who work and maintain the earth, if u plan to slack ur time away.
synical, evil me.
kill me.

Courage and Resilience

Every week i see people who wanna end their lives.
Sometimes it's because they were abused when they were young.
Sometimes it's because they have seen with their own eyes their daddy hitting mummy.
Sometimes it's because they had a quarrel with their loved on and they see no meaning in life.
Sometimes it's because they are so stressed with school that they feel nothing else matters.
Sometimes it's because they are so sad everyday that they just wanna end that sadness.

but yesterday, i saw a person who wanted to live life.
Because she wanted to protect the ones she loved.
Because despite her unfortunate circumstances, she didnt want to abandon her family.
Because she knew that her mother needed her although she was just 16 years old.
Because, just because she knew what responsibility was.
Because, she's the ANGEL whom God sent to me, to help me realise that there is hope in this world after all.

Disarray
Lifehouse

I've faced my demons
Wrestling these angels to the ground
And all that I could find
Was a thin line between
All the saints and villains
it was crossed in my own mind

Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for
Inside the disarray (inside the disarray)
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way

I’m struggling between the facts and fiction
I’m alone
But I'm alive
Everyone around me is trying to make a statement
Then there's me
I’m just trying to survive

Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for
Inside the disarray (inside the disarray)
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way
If this was any other day

I'd pretend to know where I stand
I just don’t know (just don’t know)

'Bad' is the underword for my weekend.

as it is, i havent finished watching Sex and the City.
omg when will it ever end?
although i absolutely adore carrie and her friends...
6 seasons at one go is quite a feat~

and of course,
lovely marie n mao helped me in the selection of my jie mei's outfit.
GIRLS dont argue with me.
its my present for you!! =)
I didnt think much of the dress at first, cos it looked simple,
but when mao wore it.. i was like..
"tats the one!"
and it fits the criteria of all the beloved girls in my life.
So thank God for marie and mao mao!!

Lovely lovely Hartono.
THANK YOU.
for making the effort to come back to SG from PARIS just for my big day.
i think that flying on a fri n reaching SG at 7am in the morning n flying off back to Paris on the next day is absolutely MADNESS!
But you decided without any hesitation and you just said "Yes I will!!"
You never fail to amaze me with ur generous heart and goodness.
I love you so much!

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I started today's blog with the title above.
but i guess, after typing down the happy stuff, the bad stuff just faded away, i mean i do remember them, but they dont really matter now.
is that how a relationship should be?
if we focus on the bad stuff, and forgot the good stuff, does it make our relationships any less? Mebbe we should be focusing on the good instead of thinking that things should be better or could have been different. Mebbe they are already better; it is just that we keep focusing on the black spots on the white paper that we forgot that we could actually just liquid the spot away and start writing our lovely stories together.

How can you miss someone/something which you have never had?

Thoughts.

After reading through my last blog entry.
I realised that it was slightly incoherent and rather.. messed up.
I was basically talking to myself and writing stuff that only i could make sense of...

***********************************************

We (my colleagues n janice), went for lunch at Novena Square today.
And as usual, we would take our hospital's shuttle bus to and fro.
While we were taking the bus back, my colleague (who had the body size of Olive aka popeye's wife!) accidently stepped on the toes of a elderly ang mo speaking cheena auntie.
Well this auntie immediately shouted "Owwww! You sure have elephant feet you know!"
And all of us just kept quiet after she made that nasty comment.
I was thinking, why would anyone be so mean?
Then all my assumptions of human beings and why people were mean flooded into my mind.
My conclusions were that this elderly auntie had to be a
1) Spinster
2) Lonely
3) Has unresolved bitterness in her heart.
So much for being the unbiased social worker.
But i thought again and i realised that all of us have unresolved bitterness in our hearts.
Sometimes this bitterness blinds us so much that we fail to see what is important and dear to us.
The question is.
Can we ever forgive someone who has hurt us so deeply?

Graceful Exit.

No idea why i typed that title.
Just popped into my mind while blogger was loading and i just typed it in.
Maybe is spoke of something in which i wanted to leave.
Hmm. No real idea.
Had a sudden craving to go for international buffet today.

So we,(aka Vincent, Janice, Junhoong, Peixuan and me) were deciding to go to a place for some nice food. After looking at the street directory, i decided that the most logical place was to go to Havlock where there is Furama (which Janice recommended), Mirama and some other hotels there which had ok buffet. So off we went.

We ate, ate, ate, ate, and ATE.
At the end of it, we were all BLOATED.
But i must say the food was not too bad, and it even had a 1 for 1 for Citibank cards.
So we took the opportunity to spend.

On the way back,
we had our usual discussion and updates on Animes.
And i was UTTERLY upset that Vampire Knight had ended season 1!!!
How can?!?! It ended at an exciting part...... ahhh JANICE YOU HAD TO SPOIL MY SUNDAY WITH THAT NEWS! Anyway, its a jap anime about vampires and a tragic triangle love story.

What's the matter with me.

I watched tang xing feng bao - the episode when the mother died today.
and i kepppt tearrring ... omg wats wrong with me today?
I stole glances at my mother and sister... they were like .. okie they looked sad.. but no one was tearing like me.. am i going bonkers?
no its not the biological thing, it ended 1 week ago.
i think im going mad.