不为谁而做的事。

Today I asked myself a very important question.

“自己一个人也能够幸福吗？”

Perhaps I have been toying with this concept for some time now, and the answer has eluded me all this while. In retrospect, I realized that for the past year  I have been trying, and trying hard to adapt to this new life and all the emotional baggage that comes with growing up. 

Leaving school, being away from home and breaking up with one of my sturdiest emotional pillar has taken its toll, and I gradually saw that I was reacting to life, instead of responding to it. I was becoming reliant on so many things that I became lost, unsure of what my direction was in so many ways.

It was only recently when I had time to think about it that I realized, I was leaving my life, my time and my happiness in the hands of others because I was so preoccupied with dealing with life that I forgot the most important thing: to think, to feel and to care for myself. 

Perhaps the defence mechanism of being a people pleaser has become rooted in my personality, perhaps nobody really cares for you except yourself, but all that really matters is if you really love yourself, you can bring joy into your own life without waiting for someone to bring it to you in a fancy gift box. 

Taking the first step, I resolved to treat myself with the same respect and love as I would to any friend or family. It may be baby steps for now, but gradually and cautiously I would like to try be more like myself for once and live for this purpose. 

今天我问了自己，“你想吃些什么，走我们去吃点好的”

And so tonight I ended up somewhere new, trying a new dish that I saw online which really gave me cravings. Yum. 

It was a refreshing feeling, dining with me myself and I. For the first time, I endeavoured to enjoy my own company, it was even a little awkward at first when I stuck out like a sore thumb sitting alone in the little cafe. But a while later all these disappeared and I felt completely at ease with sitting by myself, enjoying a good meal. I am sold on the idea that only if you love yourself enough, only then others can love you. Thus tonight I took myself out on a date and spent some time in a bookstore (one of my favourite places!) , taking in the soothing scent of freshly printed paper and enticing stories.

I shall continue to list out the things that I like and would wish to do, and strike then off one by one, no matter if I accomplish them on my own or with any company.

Top to-do items:

1. Spend an entire afternoon in a cozy cafe and lose myself in a good read.

2. Chill out by the sea/beach, also immersing into a good book.

3. Go for good food, especially exploring in new places.

4. Go jogging/hiking/taking a walk out in the nature.

To be continued cause its effing late and I have another day of work to deal with tmr. 

Life, in a nutshell.

于是我过了接近两年的时间后 回到了这小小的个人空间. 感觉挺奇妙的 每天凡事有发生些什么或想起了什么都会想把它写进部落格 但因为忙因为累 总是没机会把思绪记载起来. 结果一转眼快两年了 天啊 果然岁月不留人 不知不觉就会老去的了.. 

A year after graduation, a year of stepping foot into the working world and being a part of society. Isn't this the life of an adult that we yearned for so much? Year after year, we couldn't wait for the years to fly by just so that we can morph into adults and do whatever we want, make our own decisions and forge our own path in this world. But alas, when you've achieved this you take a look back at your life you'll realise that those years of ignorant youth spent chasing after maturity was the best years of your life. Now that the weight of your life sits heavily on those shoulders, every step you take is coupled with uncertainty and doubt. Will this step bring me forward or will I stumble? Can I trust these people or even myself to guide my way in life? These are the questions I face every day, yet answers elude me. Perhaps that's the way things are, nobody will give you a black and white blueprint to life so all your have to do is to live it to know it.

Since my last post on this blog, life has handed me a few challenges of its own. Many things are different yet some things may never change. So far I've graduated Uni, started work in Singapore, got promoted, travelled a couple of times and got out of a four-year long relationship. There has been ups and downs, but so far I have no regrets because I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

There are things that I am grateful for, and these fuel my passion for life:

Supportive colleagues who are like friends, making each working day a little more manageable and sometimes memorable. 

And yet it's a love-hate relationship because being friends with your colleagues is an art in itself.

Friends who shower you with love, albeit in many different ways.

Discovering more about each other each day can be a pretty frightful thing, yet that's what we do best.

Not forgetting the travels that makes every year a meaningful milestone.

Batam with the SisDars, our relaxing first.

Batam with the fishes because who cares if you went there twice when the people are what makes it different?

Hong Kong which will always set the bar for most memorable trips in future.

Virgin Disneyland experience has gotten us craving for more.

And of course, experiences at work that allows me to grow. 

Life is kind of good, if you look at it this way. Where will the next step take me? What paths will lay ahead? Only time can tell, for the universe answers no questions except its own.