不为谁而做的事。

Today I asked myself a very important question.

“自己一个人也能够幸福吗？”

Perhaps I have been toying with this concept for some time now, and the answer has eluded me all this while. In retrospect, I realized that for the past year  I have been trying, and trying hard to adapt to this new life and all the emotional baggage that comes with growing up. 

Leaving school, being away from home and breaking up with one of my sturdiest emotional pillar has taken its toll, and I gradually saw that I was reacting to life, instead of responding to it. I was becoming reliant on so many things that I became lost, unsure of what my direction was in so many ways.

It was only recently when I had time to think about it that I realized, I was leaving my life, my time and my happiness in the hands of others because I was so preoccupied with dealing with life that I forgot the most important thing: to think, to feel and to care for myself. 

Perhaps the defence mechanism of being a people pleaser has become rooted in my personality, perhaps nobody really cares for you except yourself, but all that really matters is if you really love yourself, you can bring joy into your own life without waiting for someone to bring it to you in a fancy gift box. 

Taking the first step, I resolved to treat myself with the same respect and love as I would to any friend or family. It may be baby steps for now, but gradually and cautiously I would like to try be more like myself for once and live for this purpose. 

今天我问了自己，“你想吃些什么，走我们去吃点好的”

And so tonight I ended up somewhere new, trying a new dish that I saw online which really gave me cravings. Yum. 

It was a refreshing feeling, dining with me myself and I. For the first time, I endeavoured to enjoy my own company, it was even a little awkward at first when I stuck out like a sore thumb sitting alone in the little cafe. But a while later all these disappeared and I felt completely at ease with sitting by myself, enjoying a good meal. I am sold on the idea that only if you love yourself enough, only then others can love you. Thus tonight I took myself out on a date and spent some time in a bookstore (one of my favourite places!) , taking in the soothing scent of freshly printed paper and enticing stories.

I shall continue to list out the things that I like and would wish to do, and strike then off one by one, no matter if I accomplish them on my own or with any company.

Top to-do items:

1. Spend an entire afternoon in a cozy cafe and lose myself in a good read.

2. Chill out by the sea/beach, also immersing into a good book.

3. Go for good food, especially exploring in new places.

4. Go jogging/hiking/taking a walk out in the nature.

To be continued cause its effing late and I have another day of work to deal with tmr. 

Life, in a nutshell.

于是我过了接近两年的时间后 回到了这小小的个人空间. 感觉挺奇妙的 每天凡事有发生些什么或想起了什么都会想把它写进部落格 但因为忙因为累 总是没机会把思绪记载起来. 结果一转眼快两年了 天啊 果然岁月不留人 不知不觉就会老去的了.. 

A year after graduation, a year of stepping foot into the working world and being a part of society. Isn't this the life of an adult that we yearned for so much? Year after year, we couldn't wait for the years to fly by just so that we can morph into adults and do whatever we want, make our own decisions and forge our own path in this world. But alas, when you've achieved this you take a look back at your life you'll realise that those years of ignorant youth spent chasing after maturity was the best years of your life. Now that the weight of your life sits heavily on those shoulders, every step you take is coupled with uncertainty and doubt. Will this step bring me forward or will I stumble? Can I trust these people or even myself to guide my way in life? These are the questions I face every day, yet answers elude me. Perhaps that's the way things are, nobody will give you a black and white blueprint to life so all your have to do is to live it to know it.

Since my last post on this blog, life has handed me a few challenges of its own. Many things are different yet some things may never change. So far I've graduated Uni, started work in Singapore, got promoted, travelled a couple of times and got out of a four-year long relationship. There has been ups and downs, but so far I have no regrets because I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

There are things that I am grateful for, and these fuel my passion for life:

Supportive colleagues who are like friends, making each working day a little more manageable and sometimes memorable. 

And yet it's a love-hate relationship because being friends with your colleagues is an art in itself.

Friends who shower you with love, albeit in many different ways.

Discovering more about each other each day can be a pretty frightful thing, yet that's what we do best.

Not forgetting the travels that makes every year a meaningful milestone.

Batam with the SisDars, our relaxing first.

Batam with the fishes because who cares if you went there twice when the people are what makes it different?

Hong Kong which will always set the bar for most memorable trips in future.

Virgin Disneyland experience has gotten us craving for more.

And of course, experiences at work that allows me to grow. 

Life is kind of good, if you look at it this way. Where will the next step take me? What paths will lay ahead? Only time can tell, for the universe answers no questions except its own. 

跟时间赛跑 跟自己赛跑。

最近过的日子 很忙 很累 

在这最后一个学期 让我尝尽了什么叫大学生活

赶campaign, 烦 assignment, 熬夜, 挨饿 这些是每天都会经历的

虽然如此 也没有什么可以怨的了 

毕竟以后想要这样忙这样累 感觉也会不同了吧

关于campaign，发生的事情有好有坏 但我选择只记得好的

感恩 让我尝试承担责任 说然我欠缺的很多 虽然会怕

但是我尽量不要让任何人失望 从自己的不足中学习

也很开心 在这最后的学期里 我“认识”了很多“新朋友”  :)
岑经陌生的同学们 只有打招呼和礼貌上笑笑的交流 如今更加熟悉了

很珍惜一大组人坐在一起忙着筹备那种感觉 很喜欢

上个星期 完成了我们的Soft Launch 第一个代表性的活动

不知不觉 就这样跨越了第一个环节

还是接受不到 很快这一切要结束了 要毕业了 要离开这里了

好想准时毕业 但也舍不得这个地方

昨天！ 参与了Environment组的活动 Stone Age Night~

为了配合主题大家都穿了一身青 哈哈

于是没有青衣的我 跟妹妹借了个T shirt 结果跟Luve撞衣了 哈哈哈

当晚亮点！除了同学们的歌舞表演之外 还请到了Justin, Geraldine 和 Nicole

这一天让我知道了赖淞风是谁 唱live超好听的 也很会炒热气氛 很有性格 *拇指*

圆满结束啦~ 希望接下来 大家campaign 都顺顺利利  :)

最近忙成这样 也开始担心课业了

最后一个学期 定生死啊

告诉自己 成绩要保持！撑住啊~~

好啦 该为明天的midterm紧张下了 唉。

Late Night Musings.

It's been only two weeks since campus reopened but I feel like months have passed wtf.
Lately, every waking moment has been filled with things to do, problems to settle and meetings to attend.
From the second I jolt out of bed till the minute I flop back in, I've been bustling about, working and generally being kept busy till the routine goes numb. Even though a class might end at noon, I've learnt not to expect nap breaks nor the slightest chance of going back to my hostel room.
Cause in the last minute, something's bound to crop up and we almost always have to run off again.
But other than the lack of sleep, I reproach nothing else.
Sometimes being caught up in hectic schedules make me happy, cos it feels productive.

Also! We get to do fun stuff like the videoshoot we had a few days ago  :)

Basically what we did was camho throughout the entire session hahaha.

Doesn't the theme look so nice and pastelly? 

Now, in our final year and very possibly the final semester, all of us have these crazy urges to experience everything and document as much as we can. So I especially treasure moments like these.

These days, even with crazy packed schedules, we managed to fit in a rendezvous or two. :D
First, the early dimsum trip last week!
Though we've been to Ipoh countless times, this was the first time that we actually got to try the famous dimsum restaurants that people always rave about. At last we ended up eating in two places haha cause we were greedy and wanted to try  more after eating a little in the first restaurant. Wasn't cheap though but it was worth the trip cause waking up in the morning and leaving for Ipoh felt so good!
It was a temporary escape for all of us, where we pretended that we had the whole day to chill and it was an awesome, stress-free morning.

But the cruel truth was.. after the breakfast we had to rush straight back to Kampar again and get to work on campaign preparation stuff and attend more meetings. Haih, what to do? This is what you get in final year fml.


Then there was the AV/PR Noisy Kids gathering steamboat!

It was fun to hang out with them again after so long! Still remember how we'd always hang out with them on the weekends during our internships. But now since we're all back in campus, the AV vs PR difference becomes more obvious.. We're the slogging workaholics with no time to slack, while they're the happening people who can ONZ anywhere, anytime. Whaii    T____T

And recently Celyn's moved back to Westlake again so we've been meeting up more often for dinners and catching up with each other  :)

So far lectures have been going great and it seems like we can still cope with the so-called killer syllabus, but it's still too early to tell. Campaign is slowly killing all of us, with late nights working on stuff and tension high in the air. But everyone's coping, or so it seems.

Some issues have cropped up during these weeks, mostly personal but have already been resolved. Through it all I've come to learn and understand a few things.. As we grow and mature, many things become inconsequential. But what falls into that category depends on your evaluation of what matters most to you.
What will you allow yourself to forgo? How your life pans out isn't entirely reliant on fate, but is largely affected by your decisions and actions. I find it hard to grasp the dynamics of these relationships, the thoughts of some and principles of others, oftentimes.

I want to cuddle up in a cozy window seat, have a good book in hand and a hot chocolate on the other.
Daydreams like this make me want to escape the clutches of this stressful reality.
When can life give us a break? Soon, I hope.

The beautiful things in life.

Blogging about my wonderful, wonderful weekend!
Only two days but so much has happened.
I've experienced so much joy and moving moments and everything has made me feel truly blessed.

First of all, this. The Masters of Rev Up 2013 Graduation Finale:

 Hosted by RedFM deejay JJ (Remember him and Ean on the Hitz morning crew?)

WE FUCKING FINALLY WON!
Two awards some more! Hahahaha.
So proud of our win and so so touched by everything.

The event was all fun and games at first, with random lucky draws, contests and performances.

Got to watch Cartoon Network in action (they were winners for Malaysia's Hip Hop Dance Championship)!

It was indeed our lucky day! Kitty won an Ipod shuffle and another carton of Revive haha.

Then..It was time for them to announce the winners.

Ta-daah! Our hard earned popularity award~!

This popularity award did not come easy.. So many hardships went into the making of it.
We were misinformed of the deadline for this and thought it was a day earlier..In the end MMU shot up by around 1500 votes(major wtf) in one night, right before the actual deadline on the next day!
In the end it was Kitty's determination that shook us all up and we went out in full force to fight for our win. Major credits go to her, cause without her mad motivation to win this, we probably could not have suceeded. It was during the very peak of our sem, with finals in a few days and PR campaign meetings in between, that we decided to fight on.
"To hell with it!", we thought.
We have already come so far and it would be a waste to give up.

Flashback: Our unglam but memorable moments or fighting for the win.

So we gathered all our lappies, camped out by the roadside and literally begged for likes and votes.
It was crazy, but it's one heck of a memory that I won't forget so soon.
Running around Kampar like mad kids, lugging our laptops from McD to the bubble tea shops, from Bean Cafe to mamak stalls and even burger stalls. All because we need to get people to vote for us.
In the final few minutes before the clock stuck 12, we bumped into a bunch of adults coming out from Kam Jing. After begging them to help us vote, they did and we anxiously watched the clock..
Tick. Tock. 12 am.
We screamed, we cried, we shouted thank yous.
Still holding our laptops, we cried and said thank you all so much, we won! we won!
So thankful for all the kind people who wished us well along the way!
Seriously faith in humanity restored lol. So many people wished us good luck and told us good job..
Really really so thankful to everyone who helped us vote and share too  :D

And then this happened.
Cannot contain our emotions, we were so moved most of the girls burst out crying when we got onstage.
We were hoping for a Top 3 at least, but when they started to announce the third and second place winners, we lost hope a little and got prepared for the worst..
The JJ's voice rang out in the hall, suddenly silent as everyone waited for the result.
"Universiti.... Tunku Abdul Rahman!!"
We screamed in our seats, shouting in joy and ran up the stage.

Just like this, we won the whole damn thing.
It was so surreal cause it was my first time winning any competition of the sort.
The feeling that all our hard work,all our efforts paid off. It was priceless.
From being the shittiest team during bootcamp to finally emerging as winners, I cannot describe how awesome that moment felt. Everything that came in our way and made this difficult, the distances, the communication problems, the late night Skype conferences. All of it, was worth this moment.

And these are the people who made it all happen.

I dare not imagine how things would turn out if we had not won, but I believe everything happens for a reason. We gained strength from this event, and I hope that this strength continues to bring us a long way.

Right after that, I rushed back to JB for the second awesome thing that happened this weekend!

The long awaited wedding!
After so many years, I finally got to be a part of the organizing family for a wedding.
The interesting part? We're not even blood related  :)

At the Sis' wedding many years ago.. Spot me and meimei lol

Growing up with their family has been a blessing. Not many nannies get to take care of kids till they're 21 years old haha. We've been with the family for so long that most of their extended relatives know us.

And this is our God-mum who has taken care of us all this while!

I enjoy the fact that we grew up with two families. Having two extra brothers and one extra sister.
Through yesterday's wedding, I truly felt like a real family.. Many relatives came up to me and said, "Woah.. The last time I saw you, you were still so small! Now all grown up already.."

Meet the dandy brother, who is currently under a lot of pressure cos everyone is asking "When is your turn to get married??" hahahaha.

We were put on counter duty that day. Meimei and I became ushers lolol guide the guests to their tables.
The dinner was at Grand Bayview Danga Bay, and it was the grandest wedding I've ever been to so far :o
Okay I haven't been to many grand weddings, but this was really one that I enjoyed.
Cause the god-dad is the head of a ballroom dance academy, the night was full of dancing and performances. So many shimmery outfits and old people dancing lolol.

Our blurred family shot! Tell me how amazing it is, to have two families taking care of you.
So grateful to have them in my life.

Summing up this post with a camho shot!
I loved loved being at the dinner, witnessing my bro's happiest moment.
It was also my happy moment, cos I was surrounded by so much family love.  :)

Experiences.

Reaching this point in my university life, I am grateful.
Grateful for each decision made right, and thankful for the things gained along the way.
Even when times are stressful and I don't get enough sleep, there is little that I regret.
Because if I had a choice, I would do it all over again  :)

Another milestone to remember!
My first attempt at leading a team, and our first time working on an actual event together.

Team D.F. and Rev Up Bomberman Challenge 2013

It may lack a little grandeur, it's the simple things that count.

The joys of working with a team you're totally comfortable around, people who understand your strengths and weaknesses and still stay your friends. It is a pleasure not many get to experience.

My only regret is that I'd ventured too late into events, and there is still so much to be learnt.
Every opportunity allowed me to improve in different ways.
Meeting different people, learning how things work, understanding my strengths.
Every time, I learn something different.
Knowing that I would have done more is both a motivation and a burden.
If I had a little more time, I would probably achieve more and also do more for myself.
But the only way to make up for it is to have a positive attitude, and willingness to learn.
How else are you going to move forward if you don't push yourself harder?

These days, a phrase keeps getting stuck in my head.
"Position proves you nothing, attitude does".
I'm starting to feel that this is very true.
If a person is mad talented, but doesn't give two hoots, then he's not gonna achieve anything.
But if the person is lacking but is willing to work hard, then something may still come out of the person.

Perhaps working with this in mind would be a good thing.

It's almost over.

My university life, that is.

Three years ago, I remember prepping up to leave home and coming to Kampar,
thinking "this is where I will be for the next few years".
It felt like I was gonna be here for a long long time.
Not true.
No kidding, time flies and all of a sudden you realize three years isn't that long at all.
"Holy shit, next semester will be my last sem in UTAR".
The realization suddenly hit me after we did our pre-graduation photoshoot last week.
Taking pictures to be displayed during convocation. Putting on the graduation robe.
So surreal.

Pictures from the shoot!

Edited by the brilliant Mr. Ronald. Chinese new year theme with "chok" face lol.

My cute friend and I

 我也有镜头敏感的时候 okay :D

Wanted this to look grand, but I admit, the height arrangement ruined it abit

Personal favourite! Can you spot our hidden roles in this family shot?

Realizing that graduation is imminent is a bittersweet thing.

Of course, everyone wants to graduate on time.

But that means you're leaving behind so many things. 

The late yumcha sessions, chatting and gossipping by the lakeside, doing assignments together.

Most importantly, you leave behind the people who made all these matter.

My lovely Diu Family. 

So many fun moments during the shoot!

Walking along this path, knowing there's and end but never expecting to see it.

What do you do when you approach the verge?