The world has been a darker place to be.
I see everything in black,
but a dot of light through da hole of a dark wall.
The dot of light resembles you.
I try to break through the wall,
to reach the light.
While on my way reaching da light,
I noticed something right behind da dot of light.
but, my vision towards da object was blur.
Slowly, da light move towards the object and disappeared.
I was distraught by da movement.
I fell on da ground,
could not help myself,
but to cry like God cries da rain.
I hide my heart,
bleed my heart,
and let death take me away.
All of sudden, I felt heat coming from da hole.
I peep through da hole,
and found da appearance of da dot of light.
Once again,
I gain my confidence,
try to reach da light,
I put my hands through da hole into the other side where da light was.
Unfortunately, da light shines at da blur object,
it did not notice my hands.
I stood there like an IDIOT, still with my hands at the other side of da wall.
It's still there! Reaching for da light. Only an idiot like me would sacrifice anything for da light.
Do you know you meant so much to me?
Do you know what it's like to be alone without you?
Do you know about da sacrifices I've made because of you?
Do you know how I felt about you?
Do you know how much I want to be with you?
Do you know how upset I was knowing that you were depressed?
I want to be there for you.
I want to hold you tight when you're down.
rub away your tears,
and say.......
"I am here."
I have been your shadow for a period of time, never once it fades away.
I do not blame you for everything I suffered,
because you do not even know how I felt about you.
You treated me like an ordinary friend,
or maybe...just an acquaintance.
But it wasn't da same for me.
I try to call your name, but I'm silenced by da fear of dying in your heart.
I might not have seen you for even once, I do not care how do you look like, I just wanted to be there for you.
"Love is not Wrong."
I need you.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
DECEMBER!! XD
December.......
Life is boring nowadays. Work (doin da same thing everyday), back home, dinner, on9.
Sien...though really stressed working as a "salesman". But what to do? I wanna buy myself something after getting my pay.
1st of all, I wanna get myself an mp4 player! da one from Sony was quite nice. =)
2nd, wanna upgrade Karen to 2GB RAM, dual memory xD
3rd, maybe a 2GB pendrive. hehe..
van does only know how to buy computer related materials..da rest...dunno. LoL..i am a boring person, isnt it?
Apart from the above, there were so many things i wanna do during december! I will resign by then! haha..then i wil be free like a bird!
Got enlightened when Braynard told me he's comin bac fr US dis december!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too bad da last time we only see each other for juz a while. This time im gonna make sure we'll get to meet up more often. and to share our.......DARK SECRETS ^.^ .................by da way...he's my ex! LoL..i stil kept a pic of us. Handsome anot? hahahahahahaha
well..hope to see you soon!
walao..been single for such a long time after we ended. its like..2 years! OMG, think i need to advertise myself here d. LoL
check dis out!
dis is da symptom for a single Notebook salesman. @_@
haha..juz for fun only la. me not so desperate one. and pls dun ask me about da rainbow color background. thank you.
not only dat..Yi-Wen will be bac from UK for christmas..maybe early december xD
So, The Penang trip for Yi-Wen, Yin May, Juan, and maybe Boon...which was supposed to be today, right now! ....has been postponed to December!! becos I'm working. crap. =.= OMG, i cant wait til dat day! we shall together, hunt for Penang food...HAHAHAHA
Most probably, I will follow them back to PJ...for course enquiries & application..kekekekeke....Sunway Uni here I come!!!! Farewell TOA! =(
and maybe stay for a week at Bro's place, hang out with da gang, and "yum cha" with Boon...hahahaha
See..i started planning for december.........haha...missing study life man!!! working as a salesman sucks a lot. but of cos better than admin job! hehe.
TA DA!!!!! Ching Shiang & Quek will DEFINITELY be around this December!! hahahaha...
OMG......seriously i need to plan my schedule!! so pack....
.....BUT....fun!!!!!
i miss subang..i wanna go bac!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bac here so suffering, to on9, gotta sit on floor in da living room, no proper table and chair....and no ROOM!!!!! &*^#($)^@%*&%$%^
Thank God, I see Doctor Irene today, she allowed me to go bac to Sunway!!! HAHAHA
I tried to dress Gothic, without da black eye shadow on da day of my grandpa's burfday..but
FAILED!! i look like a business man more than anything else. LoL...by da way..im not a butch. =.=
Life is boring nowadays. Work (doin da same thing everyday), back home, dinner, on9.
Sien...though really stressed working as a "salesman". But what to do? I wanna buy myself something after getting my pay.
1st of all, I wanna get myself an mp4 player! da one from Sony was quite nice. =)
2nd, wanna upgrade Karen to 2GB RAM, dual memory xD
3rd, maybe a 2GB pendrive. hehe..
van does only know how to buy computer related materials..da rest...dunno. LoL..i am a boring person, isnt it?
Apart from the above, there were so many things i wanna do during december! I will resign by then! haha..then i wil be free like a bird!
Got enlightened when Braynard told me he's comin bac fr US dis december!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too bad da last time we only see each other for juz a while. This time im gonna make sure we'll get to meet up more often. and to share our.......DARK SECRETS ^.^ .................by da way...he's my ex! LoL..i stil kept a pic of us. Handsome anot? hahahahahahaha
well..hope to see you soon!
walao..been single for such a long time after we ended. its like..2 years! OMG, think i need to advertise myself here d. LoL
check dis out!
dis is da symptom for a single Notebook salesman. @_@
haha..juz for fun only la. me not so desperate one. and pls dun ask me about da rainbow color background. thank you.
not only dat..Yi-Wen will be bac from UK for christmas..maybe early december xD
So, The Penang trip for Yi-Wen, Yin May, Juan, and maybe Boon...which was supposed to be today, right now! ....has been postponed to December!! becos I'm working. crap. =.= OMG, i cant wait til dat day! we shall together, hunt for Penang food...HAHAHAHA
Most probably, I will follow them back to PJ...for course enquiries & application..kekekekeke....Sunway Uni here I come!!!! Farewell TOA! =(
and maybe stay for a week at Bro's place, hang out with da gang, and "yum cha" with Boon...hahahaha
See..i started planning for december.........haha...missing study life man!!! working as a salesman sucks a lot. but of cos better than admin job! hehe.
TA DA!!!!! Ching Shiang & Quek will DEFINITELY be around this December!! hahahaha...
OMG......seriously i need to plan my schedule!! so pack....
.....BUT....fun!!!!!
i miss subang..i wanna go bac!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bac here so suffering, to on9, gotta sit on floor in da living room, no proper table and chair....and no ROOM!!!!! &*^#($)^@%*&%$%^
Thank God, I see Doctor Irene today, she allowed me to go bac to Sunway!!! HAHAHA
I tried to dress Gothic, without da black eye shadow on da day of my grandpa's burfday..but
FAILED!! i look like a business man more than anything else. LoL...by da way..im not a butch. =.=
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
14 AUGUST 2007
14 August 2007
WHAT I AM DOING?
I, officially, QUIT from The One Academy(TOA). It's been 2 months. It wasn't my choice after all. My parents' decision by da way. I am now working as an admin in House of Notebooks, Gurney Plaza because I was so freaking bored at home, and mainly is because, I need da money to pay for my internet connection since no one is willing to sponsor me.
HEALTH
I went for a MRI scanning, and da doctor found no tumor. So, I'm not dying. I thought I was. Have you ever had dis feeling where you were thinking dat you're dying and wanted to do something you really want to but you couldn't...? I had dat feeling during my 1st seizure, dat moment before I went unconscious, I could not breathe, suffocating, and my body spasms.
"oh nooooo...it's time! but......I had yet done something I really want to!!!!"
kkk....So basically, What I am having in my brain is epilepsy a.k.a fits. I am currently taking a controlled medicine called Lamotrigine. Pic has been posted up on da previous post. What I concerned most is......My memory is tremendously degrading. Could be da medication's side effect? There were so many episodes of me having trouble remembering incidents dat happened recently. Very serious! I might forget what you've told me 5 mins ago..or even a minute ago. I'm seeing da doctor again!
But anyhow, I do not have seizure for 2 months, and I think it wont happen again.
FAMILY
The wall between me and family are about to collapse. Its good, isnt it? How did it happen? There was once when I could not tolerate anymore, in front of my parents, tears streamed down my cheeks, and..I told them EVERYTHING, da feeling of hatred towards da way they treated me. It's been 2 years! Finally, everything came to an end. Trust me, It's a good one.
We celebrated Grandpa's birthday on Sat 11 August. Not like what you were thinking....inviting some guests..buffet dinner..cut cake...etc....
It was a different birthday occasion! It was a BIG ceremony, we (da whole family, includes uncles..aunts..cousins) did da ceremony at Gurney Hotel Ballroom, with the attendance of 250 guests, course dinner was served and programs went smoothly! Bro and my eldest cousin sister was the MC (too bad I couldnt be one of them =.= ).....because I am responsible for the slide presentation. As an introduction speech, my bro said "We have hired a MULTIMEDIA EXPERT for tonight's presentation, she is none other than my sister, Vanessa! " Many people praised my slide!!! LoL!!! Thanks to Macromedia Flash 8. =)
STUDIES
I did applied for Sunway University College's Multimedia Systems degree, and surprisingly, da counseling lady called me "You are eligible for our 2nd year Multimedia Systems degree" WHAT A BLESSING! I do not need to complete their 1st year degree. HAHAHAHAHA
SOMEHOW, I have dis feeling where I am actually in between TOA & Sunway Uni. TOA is a SCARY college, I will not deny dat, it's a fact! BUT.....TOA is da best designing college in Malaysia, I'm sorry if you do not agree, but for advertising firms, designing & multimedia companies, they look up on TOA students, because they knew about the greatness of TOA, which produces creative talented students. If you still do not agree, debate with me thru MSN. Something new might not be something good. I am afraid I will regret entering Sunway Uni.
I know what's on your mind right now. "Go for TOA la! What is wrong with you, stupid kid?"
OKAY, MY BRAIN CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE STRESS!!! I AM A SICK KID!
WHAT I AM INTO?
Of course, I am still a Trance addict. But recently, I fell in love with Gothic, emo art, Gothic emo rock songs, Gothic fashion etccccc............but for your info, rock bands like Chemical Romance will not be included into my GOTHIC list. I would categorize them as COMMERCIALIZE TEENAGE EMO PUNK ROCK tunes dat you often hear from radio channels like HITZ.FM, FLY FM...and dat so-gay MTV channel ! It's not about your MTV commercials or your VJ's. I hate your random HIP HOP MTVs!
Apart from Gothic, I am quite into Japanese stuffs. Influenced by Selangor buddies. I think L'Arc~en~Ciel are great in their music! Their rock tunes varies a lot! Hyde, their lead singer, has an excellent voice. First, I was addicted by their Forbidden Lover song, then Sell my Soul, later Seventh Heaven...etc.....Hyde's solo album was good either, Season's Call was nice to hear. The other day, I found myself Hyde's original solo album at Tower Records, but I didnt buy it. If L'Arc~en~Ciel's album were to be placed on dat shelf, haha..he will be mine.
Do as Infinity..another Japanese band, are quite good too. Rakuen is my fave Do as Infinity song! But too bad, Juan told me dey split up few years ago..sooooo...sigh!
Besides J-rock, I am currently watching Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO) anime. I used to hate anime before I came to TOA. LoL. What a surprise! Onizuka is da main character of GTO, he ROCKS!!! I like so muchhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE ALL EPISODES by NOW, but THANKS to MY F****** MAXIS BROADBAND!!!! I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU!!!! you enjoy disconnecting, eating up my msn messages, stop functioning when you're feeling F****** LAZY, "in-ing" "out-ting" my msn, and acts like an old GRANDFATHER!!!! But your MAXIS father made me pay 68 bucks per month, don't you think it's UNFAIR?????????????????????
EMO
I need counseling from someone very open-minded. I used da word OPEN-MINDED and I mean it. Sometimes I just hate myself for being THAT. If I were to be someone else, an ordinary typical girl, I would have make my life much easier. What I am today were to be blamed by my previous actions. I am all alone in da darkness of hell. I am patiently WAITING for a miracle. I see bruises on my heart, they are getting more, and much likely to cover da whole piece of my heart. Let it bleed! and send me away from dis world!
Some close friends told me: " you have not found da right guy, dat is why you're being like dis."
Oh I'm sorry, I trust my feelings.
It's not because of WHAT "you" are, it's because of who you are, I do not care what others might think, i do not give a damn of what u might be in future, as long as da person is YOU! Believe me, I see you in my future. I wanted to tell you, but I do not have the guts. I am so afraid of being hurt I am paralysed into non-action. Sometimes I tried pulling da distance between us closer, but you do not participate in it. but No matter how, I am going to find ways to take my 1st step. There is no one else in dis world but you.
STRESS
I HATE MY JOB.
WHAT I AM DOING?
I, officially, QUIT from The One Academy(TOA). It's been 2 months. It wasn't my choice after all. My parents' decision by da way. I am now working as an admin in House of Notebooks, Gurney Plaza because I was so freaking bored at home, and mainly is because, I need da money to pay for my internet connection since no one is willing to sponsor me.
HEALTH
I went for a MRI scanning, and da doctor found no tumor. So, I'm not dying. I thought I was. Have you ever had dis feeling where you were thinking dat you're dying and wanted to do something you really want to but you couldn't...? I had dat feeling during my 1st seizure, dat moment before I went unconscious, I could not breathe, suffocating, and my body spasms.
"oh nooooo...it's time! but......I had yet done something I really want to!!!!"
kkk....So basically, What I am having in my brain is epilepsy a.k.a fits. I am currently taking a controlled medicine called Lamotrigine. Pic has been posted up on da previous post. What I concerned most is......My memory is tremendously degrading. Could be da medication's side effect? There were so many episodes of me having trouble remembering incidents dat happened recently. Very serious! I might forget what you've told me 5 mins ago..or even a minute ago. I'm seeing da doctor again!
But anyhow, I do not have seizure for 2 months, and I think it wont happen again.
FAMILY
The wall between me and family are about to collapse. Its good, isnt it? How did it happen? There was once when I could not tolerate anymore, in front of my parents, tears streamed down my cheeks, and..I told them EVERYTHING, da feeling of hatred towards da way they treated me. It's been 2 years! Finally, everything came to an end. Trust me, It's a good one.
We celebrated Grandpa's birthday on Sat 11 August. Not like what you were thinking....inviting some guests..buffet dinner..cut cake...etc....
It was a different birthday occasion! It was a BIG ceremony, we (da whole family, includes uncles..aunts..cousins) did da ceremony at Gurney Hotel Ballroom, with the attendance of 250 guests, course dinner was served and programs went smoothly! Bro and my eldest cousin sister was the MC (too bad I couldnt be one of them =.= ).....because I am responsible for the slide presentation. As an introduction speech, my bro said "We have hired a MULTIMEDIA EXPERT for tonight's presentation, she is none other than my sister, Vanessa! " Many people praised my slide!!! LoL!!! Thanks to Macromedia Flash 8. =)
STUDIES
I did applied for Sunway University College's Multimedia Systems degree, and surprisingly, da counseling lady called me "You are eligible for our 2nd year Multimedia Systems degree" WHAT A BLESSING! I do not need to complete their 1st year degree. HAHAHAHAHA
SOMEHOW, I have dis feeling where I am actually in between TOA & Sunway Uni. TOA is a SCARY college, I will not deny dat, it's a fact! BUT.....TOA is da best designing college in Malaysia, I'm sorry if you do not agree, but for advertising firms, designing & multimedia companies, they look up on TOA students, because they knew about the greatness of TOA, which produces creative talented students. If you still do not agree, debate with me thru MSN. Something new might not be something good. I am afraid I will regret entering Sunway Uni.
I know what's on your mind right now. "Go for TOA la! What is wrong with you, stupid kid?"
OKAY, MY BRAIN CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE STRESS!!! I AM A SICK KID!
WHAT I AM INTO?
Of course, I am still a Trance addict. But recently, I fell in love with Gothic, emo art, Gothic emo rock songs, Gothic fashion etccccc............but for your info, rock bands like Chemical Romance will not be included into my GOTHIC list. I would categorize them as COMMERCIALIZE TEENAGE EMO PUNK ROCK tunes dat you often hear from radio channels like HITZ.FM, FLY FM...and dat so-gay MTV channel ! It's not about your MTV commercials or your VJ's. I hate your random HIP HOP MTVs!
Apart from Gothic, I am quite into Japanese stuffs. Influenced by Selangor buddies. I think L'Arc~en~Ciel are great in their music! Their rock tunes varies a lot! Hyde, their lead singer, has an excellent voice. First, I was addicted by their Forbidden Lover song, then Sell my Soul, later Seventh Heaven...etc.....Hyde's solo album was good either, Season's Call was nice to hear. The other day, I found myself Hyde's original solo album at Tower Records, but I didnt buy it. If L'Arc~en~Ciel's album were to be placed on dat shelf, haha..he will be mine.
Do as Infinity..another Japanese band, are quite good too. Rakuen is my fave Do as Infinity song! But too bad, Juan told me dey split up few years ago..sooooo...sigh!
Besides J-rock, I am currently watching Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO) anime. I used to hate anime before I came to TOA. LoL. What a surprise! Onizuka is da main character of GTO, he ROCKS!!! I like so muchhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE ALL EPISODES by NOW, but THANKS to MY F****** MAXIS BROADBAND!!!! I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU!!!! you enjoy disconnecting, eating up my msn messages, stop functioning when you're feeling F****** LAZY, "in-ing" "out-ting" my msn, and acts like an old GRANDFATHER!!!! But your MAXIS father made me pay 68 bucks per month, don't you think it's UNFAIR?????????????????????
EMO
I need counseling from someone very open-minded. I used da word OPEN-MINDED and I mean it. Sometimes I just hate myself for being THAT. If I were to be someone else, an ordinary typical girl, I would have make my life much easier. What I am today were to be blamed by my previous actions. I am all alone in da darkness of hell. I am patiently WAITING for a miracle. I see bruises on my heart, they are getting more, and much likely to cover da whole piece of my heart. Let it bleed! and send me away from dis world!
Some close friends told me: " you have not found da right guy, dat is why you're being like dis."
Oh I'm sorry, I trust my feelings.
It's not because of WHAT "you" are, it's because of who you are, I do not care what others might think, i do not give a damn of what u might be in future, as long as da person is YOU! Believe me, I see you in my future. I wanted to tell you, but I do not have the guts. I am so afraid of being hurt I am paralysed into non-action. Sometimes I tried pulling da distance between us closer, but you do not participate in it. but No matter how, I am going to find ways to take my 1st step. There is no one else in dis world but you.
STRESS
I HATE MY JOB.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
