As I look back on the days after her passing, I realize that I ate my through many of them. Over the years my daughter, Lauren, formed a very close bond with her - more so than any of our other pets - yet she hardly refused to recognize her absence. I can't explain it and every time I tried to talk to her about it she quickly changed the subject. She spent several days in her room by herself in the evenings which is not like her at all. She has always had a difficult time with death, having dealt with far too much of it in her short life, and I just don't think she wanted to face it and accept it. She did since write a letter to Puddin and I hope that helped to bring closure. It hit Tracy hard, even more so because he had pretty much spent every hour with her during her last week nursing her in every way possible. And poor Vinny, he just seems lost. He has been so clingy lately, no matter where we turn it seems we are tripping over him! Literally does not want us out of his sight, anxious, whiny, and a bit (okay, a lot!) crazy when we leave and return! The only ones that weren't really affected too much were the youngsters - my youngest daughter and the puppy!
I was so hopeful after Puddin seemed to recover pretty well from her relapse. Once we got the bleeding under control, got the meds down to a more manageable dose, and got her loaded up with fluids and vitamins I thought she might pull through. She was a tough girl and very brave, but it all just took a toll on her body. She rallied so many times in the past, but she just didn't have it in her to go another round. She had one good week and then suddenly things took another turn for the worse. When the girls and I left for Disney World on Oct. 4, I left knowing that I may never see Puddin's sweet face again. I asked her if there was any way possible to hang in and wait for me to return on Oct. 9, but also told her I understood if she couldn't. I cried the whole way to the airport and felt an overwhelming amount of sadness and guilt about leaving. Throughout the trip, Tracy and I talked and texted more than ever about her condition, her poop, her appetite, etc. He took off from work to stay with her and she did reasonably well the first couple days. However, with each passing day her appetite lessened and she became even weaker. Tracy made everything he could think of to get her to eat...chicken, hamburger, eggs, tuna, and fillet mignon which seemed to be the best option. He hand fed her, carried the water bowl to her so she wouldn't have to get it, walked with her every step of the way outside as she had fallen a couple of times. He did everything I would have done and I knew she was in such good hands while I was gone. She did what I asked and waited for me to return. Tracy called Animal's First and scheduled euthanasia for Tuesday Oct. 10, the day after we returned. We had a four hour delay at the airport in Orlando and I kept thinking how every hour that we sat there was one less hour I got to spend with her. I have never been so anxious to return from Disney, yet also filled with dread. I'm so thankful that she (and Tracy) waited for me. It was clear that she was ready, but it's still hard to let go. The girls both said their goodbyes on Tuesday morning before going to school. The vet arrived at noon. With tears streaming down our faces, Tracy and I both held our girl as she took her last breath. We told her how much we loved her and thanked her for everything she gave us. This was only the second time we have ever met Dr. Lori Blankenship at Animal's First (she also came out for Buford), but she has showed such kindness and been then for us when we needed it most. I'm so glad to have in-home euthanasia as an option rather than having to go to the vet's office. Tracy and I got Puddin cleaned up and then buried her in our backyard next to Buford. We buried her with a dog bed and a pink blanket that I used when taking Valentine's day photos of her and Lauren a few years ago. Toys weren't her thing, but she did love treats so we placed a bully stick and some milk bones in her box as well.
It feels like so much longer than two weeks and I kept telling her I wasn't sure what we were going to do with these boys because she was the only one who seemed to have sense and they all listened to her! And the boys have been at it more than ever. Woody is a total pest to Vinny who puts up with so much (to a point), but next thing you know they are chasing each other all over the house in what I believe is mostly a game of bitey face, but still requires constant refereeing to ensure things don't go too far!
Our hearts are broken and we will miss her terribly! Here are some pictures of her last weeks.
I kept taking periodic pictures to keep track of the bruising which gradually faded.
We all spent lots of extra time with our girl letting her know how much she was loved.
Fortunately, she continued to drink water - even when she didn't have an appetite.
Tracy began building her a box when we had the first scare a couple weeks prior, then put it on hold as we thought she was doing better. He completed the box while we were in Florida.
They got lots and lots of bully sticks which make them all happy! Too bad the smell of those things makes me want to throw up! LOL!
We thought this may be her last vet visit, but it turned out that she had one more (I just didn't take pictures).
Funny how I never really thought about the grey on her face forming a heart shape until I saw it so clearly in her last weeks.
Looking back there are so many pictures on this particular dog bed, even though there are many throughout the house. This was the bed she was laying on when the vet arrived so is also where we said goodbye. Coincidentally, it's the very same bed that Buford also died on. After we buried Puddin, I carried this bed to the landfill. It was a little too far beyond washing and held negative memories so I was glad to see it go.
I made this mixture of hamburger, rice, and the kids left over mac and cheese which I had hoped would be appetizing (she always loved getting any mac and cheese they left in their bowls), but it just didn't do the trick...she ate a couple bites and then looked at me with pleading eyes to take it away :(
She did still manage to eat some chicken though, so there was lots of chicken made in the last couple of weeks.
As if she didn't already have enough problems, this huge "blister" showed up out of nowhere between her toes! It may have contributed to her worsening problems walking, but it was not there when we were at the vet on Monday, but looked like this on Tuesday night (not the best picture because we had to shine a flashlight to see it) and another photo taken on Wednesday morning! Poor baby :( Tracy told me it popped and drained blood while we were gone, but it had already filled up again by the time we returned from Florida. We never did find out what it was or why it was there, but it was clear that it was painful and she didn't want us messing with it.
I took these on my camera while outside with her on Wednesday morning, the day we left for our trip.
And then these are the final pics I took on my phone before our trip. This was the last image I had of her before going to the airport and you can see why I cried the whole way!
We arrived back home late on Monday (due to airport delays) and I got to spend one final night with my girl. The kids said their goodbyes before going to school and then we waited for the vet to arrive. Tracy and I each spent time with her giving her lots of love and pets and these are the last few photos I took on my phone. It's clear that she just wasn't feeling well and I think her body was tired.
Run free sweet girl!
