Buford had surgery to remove a tumor on his liver on May 18, 2015. His check-ups had been going great, but during an ultrasound in May of this year there was a small spot on his spleen, nothing to be alarmed about, but our vet wanted a follow-up in two months. That follow-up was scheduled for Tuesday, July 12. My father had passed on July 8 and the viewing was on July 12. Buford had not been doing well though and I didn't want to reschedule his appointment because I knew he needed it. He had been losing weight rapidly again and we knew something was wrong. My husband took him to the vet and he still hopped up in the van happily and pretty easily. The ultrasound showed that his liver was very abnormal and Tracy said he could see the concern on Dr. Grissom's face. Blood work revealed that his liver values were once again very elevated. They did an x-ray of his chest and it was clear so that was good news. Dr. Grissom told him that she believed the cancer was back. However, she requested a follow-up with Veterinary Referral and Critical Care (VRCC) where Buford had his surgery. An appointment was scheduled for the following Monday, but he never made it.
By Wednesday, we noticed changes in Buford. He was still himself, but wasn't eating well and began peeing in the house every day. We got through my dad's funeral on Wednesday, came home to clean up pee and made him some chicken and rice. He had gotten so very thin! It's one of those things that you see happening, but kind of get used to it because the changes are small and gradual, especially as dogs age. I was out of town for a week at the end of June and when I returned home it hit me hard to really see just how thin he was. I took this picture at 6 am on his last day and it is probably the best one I have to show how thin he had got over the last month, you could see his ribs and his spine.
He gobbled up his chicken and rice mixed with his kibble and that made us happy. Tracy actually cooked 8 lbs of chicken for the dogs, and then spent an hour shredding it! I joked that he may have done a bit much, but as long as Buford was happy he didn't care.
Thursday is when we really saw a huge change in our boy though. He began panting and was drinking an incredible amount of water. We knew that's why he was peeing more, but that's all he wanted was water. He ate about half of his food on Thursday, but by Friday morning he wouldn't even take a piece of chicken from our hands. He was worsening so fast. He also had difficulty getting up and down and it was hard to watch. My husband sent me this link http://petlossathome.com/quality-of-life-signs-of-pain-suffering-handout/ I read it and knew that the inevitable had arrived. Buford had nearly all of the symptoms of pain. I cried the whole way home from work (nearly an hour and a half) as I knew we were going to have to make that heartbreaking decision to let our buddy go. Tracy and I had seen the changes coming on fast, we knew that at this point we weren't going to put him through another surgery to remove more cancer, and we both agreed it was time.
We began making preparations. On Saturday morning, we called someone to come dig a hole in our backyard. Tracy went to the local hardware store and bought all the supplies he needed and made Buford a box for his final resting place. Temperatures were in the 90s last weekend, and we knew we had to have everything ready ahead of time. One of my uncle's also came over to help Tracy.
I told the girls Saturday morning so they would know what to expect. Friday night, I researched how to break the news to them, what words were the right ones, and how to explain the many questions they had. I did my best, through tears, and thanks to my research I think I actually said the right things. They understood, they knew this was what was best for him so he wouldn't hurt anymore, and they spent the afternoon making pictures for him to go in his box (Lauren asked me if she could do that like the kids did in Marley and Me). Chi Chi (the nickname my youngest goes by) is only 3.5 years old and is doing okay....she has never been the animal lover that Lauren is either. Lauren is now 6.5 years old and loves the dogs so very much. She is having a hard time with it all. I didn't think the girls should be here Sunday morning so my family came and got them and took them out to breakfast and shopping. It was the best decision and I'm not sure Lauren could have handled it otherwise. She told me this was the worst summer ever and asked me if this was the dying season :(
The little yellow dog (he sings) is one of Buford's favorite toys
I spent the last two nights (Friday and Saturday) with our boy and stayed by his side throughout the day as well. Buford always hated going to the vet, the poor thing got so nervous, he would shake and tremble and pant, and drool....he was under enough stress already and we didn't want to have to take him to a vet's office. We called a vet that makes house calls and scheduled an in-home euthanasia for Sunday morning at 10 am. I was devastated, but as the hours passed and Buford continued to worsen I was literally counting down the hours until the doctor arrived. I was afraid to go to sleep so I stayed up as much as possible. I did fall asleep a couple times on the couch for short periods, but I mostly kept myself busy by cleaning - cleaning the face of the cabinets, the baseboards, the individual rails on the chairs where the kids had splattered food and paint from their latest project. I also took a lot of pictures on my phone. And I cried, I spent a lot of time crying.
The next three pictures were taken on Friday night at 9:30 pm (again to document how much weight he had lost), 12:30 am, and 2:30 am. At that point, Buford was wanting to go outside every few hours and Tracy told me to take my phone with me in case I needed him. I think this was the last time he went out on his own and after that I used the leash to walk with him and help him up. He just looked like he was lost.
The last 48 hours were hard, but the last 15 hours were almost unbearable. At about 7 pm on Saturday night, we noticed there was blood in his urine. Watching him suffer, knowing he was in pain, panting, drooling, couldn't get comfortable, and could no longer get up by himself was heartbreaking. I felt so helpless. I told Tracy that I was afraid to be by myself with him that last night because he couldn't get up on his own and when he did he was so wobbly and had begun falling when walking. Tracy stayed with me until about 5 am when he went upstairs to get a few hours of sleep.
Dr. Lori Blankenship and her vet tech, Jennifer, of Animals First Veterinary Service arrived on Sunday morning. We had never met them before. I cannot even begin to say enough good things about these two ladies. They were wonderful, truly kind and compassionate when we needed it most. They put some calming oil on Puddin and Buford, then sedated him, and then helped him to go to Heaven pain free. They cried with us and they listened to us reminisce about what an AMAZING family member we were letting go of that day. I will never forget giving Buford his last kiss, his last ear rub, and his last hug as I laid with him. Tracy and I both held him as he crossed over the bridge. We both held each other as we mourned, sobbing.
These ended up being the final photos I have of us with Buford. The ones with Tracy were taken Saturday night, and the ones with me and Puddin were taken Sunday morning as we waited for the vet. There were periods where he was calm and I was so thankful for each and every one of those moments because the moments of stress were many.
After he was gone, the vet did a clay paw print for us before leaving. I held his paw in my hand for the last time after they left. A few days later we got the sweetest handwritten card from these ladies at Animal's First that said they were sending heartfelt sympathy, what a wonderful life they knew we had given Buford, how they wish more people saw love like we had in our home, and to give Puddin Pop an extra hug from them. It really meant a lot, especially coming from complete strangers who treated him and us with such sincere caring and understanding, coming out on a weekend, and giving us all peace in his final moments.
We spent some more time with him before burying him. Then we gently placed him on a dog bed, surrounded by the kids pictures, some of his favorite toys (he always loved to play!), and his leash since he loved to go for walks so much. We kept Macy's leash and collar, but Tracy said Buford should have his because he enjoyed his walks so much more than the others - we were never collar collectors like so many other greyhound owners and this was his original collar from the day we brought him home on June 29, 2008. We did keep his ID collar. We put three of those little singing dogs in there with him, he loved them so much over the years, and I was happy when I found one more later mixed in with the kids toys so I have one to keep for myself. Tracy added even more reinforcements to the top of Buford's box before sealing it up tight and wrapping it all with plastic. Me, Tracy, and my uncle (a fellow dog-lover who had come back on Sunday to help) all helped to cover him up. Tracy told me that I should put in the first shovel of dirt.
Buford was a mama's boy from the first day we brought him home and he brought me so much love and joy over the years! As much as I didn't want to see him go, I am so thankful that he is no longer in pain and I'm glad I was able to be there with him in his final days and hours and hold him tight as we said goodbye. After the girls got home, Lauren and I went out and sat by his graveside as I struggled to answer some tough questions from her about death and God. We talked about some of the things we would miss about him and some of the things he did that made us laugh. We cried together and laughed together.
The last few weeks have been so difficult and my three year old asked me if I was going to cry every day forever (she's just too young to understand it all, but she worries when she sees me cry). I'm still crying every day, but I don't let her see as much. I know it will take time and I know the pain will eventually subside.
I am always behind in blogging and I have so many more pictures to post. We just celebrated Buford's 13th birthday a month ago! I will get to those and will also put a tribute video together for him in the coming weeks.
Our Buford
June 20, 2003 - July 17, 2016
Run free sweet boy, we love you buddy!
