从 13 走到 14Time flies. How cliche right. It felt like the year just zoomed past, which it did, but quite a number of significant event happened this year. For the first time, and since I am no longer active in documenting my life down, I thought I would just note down all of them at one go.
Joined the Ministry
It didn't take place this year (it was in Oct 2012 to be exact) but it was within the year that the impact was felt. I was looking forward to the change, to have a feel of what policy work is about, to take a break from PUB (which was only half true), to find out what role a Ministry plays, and to break free from the unhealthy working relationship/environment/culture I was previously struggling in.
It had been an enlightening journey thus far having moved from the most downstream of the chain (fire fighting, responding to emergencies and facing difficult customers) to near the top where one's views and comments can have a significant impact in shaping systems on a national scale. I was unprepared for it, and am still grappling with it. Sometimes, I find that my downstream experiences had hindered me from challenging the tried and tested routes, and at other times I questioned what I should do now given my ground experience. Writing well becomes the most important tool and while I would like to think that my writing had improved over time, I am still struggling with basic grammar and how to be more concise.
The change was not only in terms of the work scope. The autonomy given to me also shifted to the other end of the scale. It could be just unique to the department I was in, where I used to be an implementor, seeking directions and guidance from the boss on the next step (i.e. don't ask, just do). But now I have to be the one thinking, reason things out and give suggestion to my boss on the next step to take. For an indecisive person with not much opinions on things, I think I am fairing rather poorly in this. I tried to comfort myself by giving the excuse that I was inexperienced, but I guess policy work is really not my cup of tea. I have to admit that I can't do well in everything and that operations and engineering work still clicks with me better.
Nevertheless, I was grateful to have the opportunity to work with some of the most brilliant minds in the country. It was really amazing how quick, intelligent and efficient they can be and most of them are really very friendly and down-to-earth people. It was a joy to work with them. It also gave me a chance to interact with people from different academic background (no longer just maths and science / engineering graduates) and other than noting the different perspectives on issues, it made me realise how inadequate I am.
Got Married
To the guests, it wasn't that long ago that we got married. To me, it felt like it was over ages ago (haha not sure if this is a good or bad thing).
Well, technically speaking the ROM date was 2 years ago. But it was after the traditional ceremony and wedding banquet that we felt we had really gotten married. Having prepared for the wedding day for so long, the day just whizzed past in a blur. I was not used to having a party centered around me, so I was really nervous the whole day (check out all the unglam lol photos where I attempted to mask my nervousness). But my photographer commented that I was rather chilled that day not stressing out over every single planning detail. I reckon all those event organising experience back in PUB helped. :P
I recall waking up at about 4.30am or 5am and shortly after everything was just running on its own, and I was just being carried through the programme. Make-up, hairdo, change into gown, veiling, gate-crashing, to and fro both our homes for tea ceremony, snap some photos with bridesmaids and groomsmen, check-in at hotel (amazed by the presidential suite), unpack, shower, make-up, hairdo, change into gown, dinner, cut cake, change into evening wear, pop champagne, yum-seng, table phototaking, thanking the guests, back to hotel room, shower, eat (finally), and conk out at about 3am. The adrenalin just kept me going for the entire day and it must be the busiest day of my life ever.
Counting the Ang Bao $$ was another very interesting experience.
Honeymoon
We were deciding between Australia/New Zealand (southern hemisphere) or somewhere in the northern hemisphere. The cold in the northern hemisphere won. I decided I am tired of sightseeing and somehow, chilling in a log cabin seemed like a great idea. Hence it grew into a skiing trip, and then I agree with my hubby's wish to catch the northern lights as part of the itinerary as well.
Skiing was great fun. Feels good to be able to glide down the snowy slopes again, moreover at Whistler! I blamed it on the slopes (instead of my age or lack of fitness) - it seemed much more difficult to ski down the beginners slope (than at Tignes) and I fell down quite horribly a few times. Thank goodness there was no major injury except a huge patch of blue black at the side of my knee which took a few weeks to disappear.
Even though Yellowknife was at -35degC and boiling water just turned straight into snow when it was thrown into the air, the aurora borealis was simply AMAZING and a sight to behold. It cannot be captured on the camera (not with the current technology) and you simply had to see it for yourself to experience the magic of it. It is like a glowing flame right above you, rapidly changing in shape, colour and intensity and the human eyes could barely capture its form. And without a warning, it disappeared. The two of us were probably the only lucky ones that night to saw the waves in their most magnificent moments, while the rest of the group were taking their break in the hut to warm themselves.
Would I ever go back to this frozen world with no good food nor any form of entertainment again? I would, IF I have the money and time to spare and simply stay in the hotel room the entire day, only going out in the middle of the night to try our luck.
Being a part-time wife
I was reluctant to shift over to his place totally, while waiting for our house to be ready, for several reasons:
- don't want my mum to be sad
- don't want to leave my comfort zone at home
- not comfortable with living with the in-laws 24/7
- his room is too small to accommodate all my things
Hence I became a "part-time wife" who only stayed over at his place over the weekends, living out of a 'suitcase'. Even so, it was tough. I didn't enjoy having to plan in advance what clothes to bring over to be worn over the next few days, especially when there were events such as wedding dinners which I had to dress up for. The slightly-bigger-than-super-single-but-smaller-than-double bed was a tad bit too small for a comfy sleep. Not having a 'corner' of my own and not having my own car at my disposal was quite restrictive. And the pressure I gave myself when it comes to comments from his family was another thing to cope with.
Thanks to my hubby's understanding, patience, encouragement and support, I survived almost one year and had more or less settled into such a lifestyle, though there were still one or two complaints now and then when I was stressed up again. It wasn't easy for me, but I am glad to have him by my side when I wake up in the morning. Looking forward to shifting into our new place soon and not live like a nomad anymore.
Demise of Grandma
It was the first time I received news of the passing of my grandparent on the day itself. And it happened to be the day when I was supposed to leave for Scandinavia for an official trip for a week. I was already fully packed, ready for the airport. I was confused and helpless and I panicked and cried. I am not sure if it was due to the news itself, or knowing that my mum must be really upset then, or that I was torn between proceeding with the trip or pulling out from it last minute in order to attend the funeral.
I was lucky that my hubby was by my side at this moment, calming me down and giving me whatever support I need then. I am glad that I made the decision to stay behind and place work as the second priority. I am sure I would have regretted otherwise. I had already missed my grandfather's one and finding out only after my final year exam in London. Don't want this to repeat again.
The wake was not as sad as I thought it would be, because it was a good thing that my grandma was relieved of the pain from her illness. I would not say that I was extremely close to my grandma, but somehow when the band started playing on the last day of the funeral, tears just started flowing uncontrollably. And I know my mum is definitely a lot more upset than me. All I could do was just to stay by her side.
It was really quite unbelievable for a person to disappear from earth just like that. 生不带来，死不带去。Makes one ponder what is the purpose of life.
Short and permed hair
Finally, I had the courage to cut my hair short i.e. above shoulder length. Have been thinking about doing it for quite some time but the thought was put off in the past few years to keep my hair long for the wedding. I have not had short hair since Sec 2 so it was a really major decision for me to change my image.
I am glad I did. I no longer have wet hair on my back after shower anymore, which benefits my health very much as I don't catch cold as easily since then! And somehow, I like it that I do not look like any other demure looking sweet little girls - perhaps that is just not me.
Anyway, since I had taken a huge step to change the hair length drastically, it didn't take too long before I made another decision to try those korean curls. While the first perm fell quite flat within a week (as expected since I have not permed my hair before), the second perm (FOC after I went back to the salon to complain) lasted for about 2 months. I was really satisfied with it, since I don't really need to manage my hair much even on bad hair days, and it gave volume and 'shape' to my hair so it does not look so flat and dead anymore. I am really contemplating doing it again, now that my hair is almost straight again..
Others
Several other events took place this year:
- Finally collected the keys to my new place and spending loads of time doing furniture shopping, looking at interior designs, and now waiting for renovation to get into its full gear so we could move in hopefully just after CNY.
- Got stuck in the lift for the first time and finally understood the panic of no updates during an emergency and how just a few minutes felt like an hour.
- Went to Taiwan for the first time to attend 师尊's 法会.
- Climbed Bukit Timah hill for the first time, and realised it is really short.
- Watched the New Year's countdown fireworks from the Marina reservoir! Really amazing view and all the more awesome being able to do so in the comfort of a seat without having to squeeze with crowds or wait long hours standing. Thanks to hubby! ;)
With that, 2013 came to an end. 2014 will be another challenging year. I look forward to moving into my own house, though it would mean more efforts had to be put in to maintain relationships with the two families. I am apprehensive of the new challenges at work, now that my experienced supervisor had left the team and we are expected to take lead in issues. And I am wondering, if there will be someone else who will come into my life by the next countdown. A part of me looks forward to the joy it may bring, a part of me is skeptical that I am not able to handle, a part of me is scared of the pain and stress, a part of me is worried that it may not turn out well. With fingers crossed, I guess we will just let nature takes it course.