i came across this interesting line by Sherlock Holmes while reading conan:
"i'm a brain, watson, the rest of me is a mere appendix."

wow. must be great to be like that. i wish i was. hm yes i should stop thinking and feeling anything, but i cannot. what is it? guilt, regret, fear, sadness, happiness, nostalgia.. maybe mostly regret.

her voice is really heavenly.

went to the temple and got scolded by the gods. the poignance of it is both humbling and redeeming. it actually feels relieving to have your mistake pointed out but to know at the same time that it's ok and that it's human to make mistakes. maybe this is why people have religions..

this power of divine redemption is something only the gods can have. it is the power of making someone feel human again.i think sometimes i get caught up with trying to be "right" and do "right" and i cannot accept my mistakes. whenever i realise that i've made a mistake, i'll try to right my wrongs. but sometimes this itself is not right. i should just accept it and go with the flow. i have apologised, but forgiveness is not within my power. so knowing that, when it IS within your power, just bestow it generously, because that is your power to set everything straight again.

i got my korean visa! looking forward to the field trip. maybe all will go well.

i love the travis version!!!!!! :)

For once i wouldn't ask anything. ah damn, i already did. really bad habit of acting without thinking.

am i a "fuzzy" person? i have a feeling i am. I never had this definition of "fuzzy" but today during the debate of the role of architect in the new "multitude" i suddenly realised new definitions of "fuzziness", which are still kind of fuzzy to me at the moment. lol.

it feels abit funny when your anticipation is fulfilled. i think of anticipation as very very short term and immediate, whereas expectations can be more permanent. anticipation is non-value related whereas expectation is probably more value-related? that's how i view it. so it's like you anticipate a rain because the sky looks so, and you expect a pay rise because you have been working very hard or have had successful projects. expectations come from a framework that is created by the fulfilment of anticipations. hence, the fulfilment or non-fulfilment of anticipations is very important.

dudes, we need to work harder. the masterplan isn't going to materialise in a stroke of the pen.

i met someone special. i say "special" because this is not someone i would normally hang out with, and vice versa. i think really, everything happens for a reason. sometimes when all your friends leave you (those going on exchange, different streams, etc.), you start opening up to new people and making new friends. the things you lose, you will gain back in some other forms. but meeting new people and making new relationships require a lot of tiring effort. personally, i'm not such a good friend-maker, but we'll see how it goes.

but why is my new friend so moody? like quiet and sulky in the morning and gets high and noisy and positively crazy as the day progresses. i'm not used to a friendship that requires warming up lol.

anyway. isnt this live version of 'Bridge over Troubled Water' simply awesome?

confusionism.

yesterday we had a studio session that felt like forever. after an eternity, i looked at my watch and it was only 5 pm! loads of work coming up cos interim crit is next week and we've barely done anything.

happy hari raya to all. yesterday we watched parts of 'Islam: the Empire of Faith' in my Islam and Malay Society class. it was quite a compelling documentary and i learned some new stuff about how Islam began.the music was abit exaggerated and too orientalist though, it's irritating. but well it's a western documentary so what can i expect.

the reason i like dogs so much is because i'm a mossed up rock. to me, the feeling of seeing a dog is quite distinct from, say, seeing a cat or chicken. it's kind of similar to seeing a frog, but each draws a different response from me. a frog makes you shut up, stay still and stare. a dog makes you squeal "so cute!" and reach out. i'm not an animal lover. i dislike cockroaches and some other insects, feel slightly positive towards almost any other animal, and i love dogs, frogs and lizards.

there's no telling what i can or cannot do. we proved it today by smelling greatly of insect repellent and walking in the drain and eating good food and admiring huge dogs all at the same time. and the kuehs were awesome, i must say. i'm not a fan of kuehs but the 3 in 1 kueh platter at poison ivy was great.. now i have to scrub my shoes.

why i stare at the same thing day and night i don't know. it's really a waste of time. but the vision is just so compelling, like it speaks to me. despite all the impossibilities. it's kind of similar to how i kept staring at the blue mountains on my screen - the longing to be there and break through all the impossibilities. i think it's partly this similar appeal. so i stare at this combination of danger and harmlessness and try to figure it out.