i came across this interesting line by Sherlock Holmes while reading conan:
"i'm a brain, watson, the rest of me is a mere appendix."
wow. must be great to be like that. i wish i was. hm yes i should stop thinking and feeling anything, but i cannot. what is it? guilt, regret, fear, sadness, happiness, nostalgia.. maybe mostly regret.
her voice is really heavenly.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
went to the temple and got scolded by the gods. the poignance of it is both humbling and redeeming. it actually feels relieving to have your mistake pointed out but to know at the same time that it's ok and that it's human to make mistakes. maybe this is why people have religions..
this power of divine redemption is something only the gods can have. it is the power of making someone feel human again.i think sometimes i get caught up with trying to be "right" and do "right" and i cannot accept my mistakes. whenever i realise that i've made a mistake, i'll try to right my wrongs. but sometimes this itself is not right. i should just accept it and go with the flow. i have apologised, but forgiveness is not within my power. so knowing that, when it IS within your power, just bestow it generously, because that is your power to set everything straight again.
i got my korean visa! looking forward to the field trip. maybe all will go well.
this power of divine redemption is something only the gods can have. it is the power of making someone feel human again.i think sometimes i get caught up with trying to be "right" and do "right" and i cannot accept my mistakes. whenever i realise that i've made a mistake, i'll try to right my wrongs. but sometimes this itself is not right. i should just accept it and go with the flow. i have apologised, but forgiveness is not within my power. so knowing that, when it IS within your power, just bestow it generously, because that is your power to set everything straight again.
i got my korean visa! looking forward to the field trip. maybe all will go well.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
For once i wouldn't ask anything. ah damn, i already did. really bad habit of acting without thinking.
am i a "fuzzy" person? i have a feeling i am. I never had this definition of "fuzzy" but today during the debate of the role of architect in the new "multitude" i suddenly realised new definitions of "fuzziness", which are still kind of fuzzy to me at the moment. lol.
it feels abit funny when your anticipation is fulfilled. i think of anticipation as very very short term and immediate, whereas expectations can be more permanent. anticipation is non-value related whereas expectation is probably more value-related? that's how i view it. so it's like you anticipate a rain because the sky looks so, and you expect a pay rise because you have been working very hard or have had successful projects. expectations come from a framework that is created by the fulfilment of anticipations. hence, the fulfilment or non-fulfilment of anticipations is very important.
dudes, we need to work harder. the masterplan isn't going to materialise in a stroke of the pen.
am i a "fuzzy" person? i have a feeling i am. I never had this definition of "fuzzy" but today during the debate of the role of architect in the new "multitude" i suddenly realised new definitions of "fuzziness", which are still kind of fuzzy to me at the moment. lol.
it feels abit funny when your anticipation is fulfilled. i think of anticipation as very very short term and immediate, whereas expectations can be more permanent. anticipation is non-value related whereas expectation is probably more value-related? that's how i view it. so it's like you anticipate a rain because the sky looks so, and you expect a pay rise because you have been working very hard or have had successful projects. expectations come from a framework that is created by the fulfilment of anticipations. hence, the fulfilment or non-fulfilment of anticipations is very important.
dudes, we need to work harder. the masterplan isn't going to materialise in a stroke of the pen.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
i met someone special. i say "special" because this is not someone i would normally hang out with, and vice versa. i think really, everything happens for a reason. sometimes when all your friends leave you (those going on exchange, different streams, etc.), you start opening up to new people and making new friends. the things you lose, you will gain back in some other forms. but meeting new people and making new relationships require a lot of tiring effort. personally, i'm not such a good friend-maker, but we'll see how it goes.
but why is my new friend so moody? like quiet and sulky in the morning and gets high and noisy and positively crazy as the day progresses. i'm not used to a friendship that requires warming up lol.
anyway. isnt this live version of 'Bridge over Troubled Water' simply awesome?
but why is my new friend so moody? like quiet and sulky in the morning and gets high and noisy and positively crazy as the day progresses. i'm not used to a friendship that requires warming up lol.
anyway. isnt this live version of 'Bridge over Troubled Water' simply awesome?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
confusionism.
yesterday we had a studio session that felt like forever. after an eternity, i looked at my watch and it was only 5 pm! loads of work coming up cos interim crit is next week and we've barely done anything.
happy hari raya to all. yesterday we watched parts of 'Islam: the Empire of Faith' in my Islam and Malay Society class. it was quite a compelling documentary and i learned some new stuff about how Islam began.the music was abit exaggerated and too orientalist though, it's irritating. but well it's a western documentary so what can i expect.
the reason i like dogs so much is because i'm a mossed up rock. to me, the feeling of seeing a dog is quite distinct from, say, seeing a cat or chicken. it's kind of similar to seeing a frog, but each draws a different response from me. a frog makes you shut up, stay still and stare. a dog makes you squeal "so cute!" and reach out. i'm not an animal lover. i dislike cockroaches and some other insects, feel slightly positive towards almost any other animal, and i love dogs, frogs and lizards.
yesterday we had a studio session that felt like forever. after an eternity, i looked at my watch and it was only 5 pm! loads of work coming up cos interim crit is next week and we've barely done anything.
happy hari raya to all. yesterday we watched parts of 'Islam: the Empire of Faith' in my Islam and Malay Society class. it was quite a compelling documentary and i learned some new stuff about how Islam began.the music was abit exaggerated and too orientalist though, it's irritating. but well it's a western documentary so what can i expect.
the reason i like dogs so much is because i'm a mossed up rock. to me, the feeling of seeing a dog is quite distinct from, say, seeing a cat or chicken. it's kind of similar to seeing a frog, but each draws a different response from me. a frog makes you shut up, stay still and stare. a dog makes you squeal "so cute!" and reach out. i'm not an animal lover. i dislike cockroaches and some other insects, feel slightly positive towards almost any other animal, and i love dogs, frogs and lizards.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
there's no telling what i can or cannot do. we proved it today by smelling greatly of insect repellent and walking in the drain and eating good food and admiring huge dogs all at the same time. and the kuehs were awesome, i must say. i'm not a fan of kuehs but the 3 in 1 kueh platter at poison ivy was great.. now i have to scrub my shoes.
why i stare at the same thing day and night i don't know. it's really a waste of time. but the vision is just so compelling, like it speaks to me. despite all the impossibilities. it's kind of similar to how i kept staring at the blue mountains on my screen - the longing to be there and break through all the impossibilities. i think it's partly this similar appeal. so i stare at this combination of danger and harmlessness and try to figure it out.
why i stare at the same thing day and night i don't know. it's really a waste of time. but the vision is just so compelling, like it speaks to me. despite all the impossibilities. it's kind of similar to how i kept staring at the blue mountains on my screen - the longing to be there and break through all the impossibilities. i think it's partly this similar appeal. so i stare at this combination of danger and harmlessness and try to figure it out.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
been reading 'The Death and Life of Great American Cities' by Jane Jacobs, and this particular section struck me as infinitely relevant to my current thoughts about the modern society:
"The people of cities who have other jobs and duties, and who lack, too, the training needed, cannot volunteer as teachers or registered nurses or librarians or museum guards or social workers. But at least they can, and on lively diversified sidewalks they do, supervise the incidental play of children and assimilate the children into city society. They do it in the course of carrying on their other pursuits.
... spaces and equipments do not rear children.. only people rear children and assimilate them into civilized society. ...
In real life, only from the ordinary adults of the city sidewalk do children learn - if they learn it at all - the first fundamental of successful city life: People must take a modicum of public responsibility for each other even if they have no ties to each other. This is a lesson nobody learns by being told. It is learned from the experience of having other people without ties of kinship or close friendship or formal responsibility to you take a modicum of public responsibility for you.When Mr Lacey, the locksmith, bawls out one of my sons for running into the street, and then reports the transgression to my husband as he passes the locksmith shop, my son gets more than an overt lesson in safety and obedience. He also gets, indirectly, the lesson that Mr. Lacey, with whom we have no ties other than street propinquity, feels responsible for him to a degree. ...
The lesson that city dwellers have to take responsibility for what goes on in city streets is taught again and again to children on sidewalks which enjoy a local public life. They can absorb it astonishingly early. They show they have absorbed it by taking for granted that they, too, are part of the management. They volunteer directions to people who are lost; they tell a man he will get a ticket if he parks where he thinks he is going to park... The presence or absence of this kind of street bossiness in city children is a fairly good tip-off to the presence or absence of responsible adult behavior toward the sidewalk and the children who use it. The children are imitating adult attitudes. ...
This is instruction in city living that people hired to look after children cannot teach, because the essence of this responsibility is that you do it without being hired. It is a lesson that parents, by themselves, are powerless to teach. If parents take minor public responsibility for strangers or neighbours in a society where nobody else does, this simply means the parents are embarrassingly different and meddlesome, not that this is the proper way to behave. Such instruction must come from society itself."
Ok i guess that speaks for itself. It's a very interesting read and she writes thoroughly although sometimes a little too long-winded for my liking.
"The people of cities who have other jobs and duties, and who lack, too, the training needed, cannot volunteer as teachers or registered nurses or librarians or museum guards or social workers. But at least they can, and on lively diversified sidewalks they do, supervise the incidental play of children and assimilate the children into city society. They do it in the course of carrying on their other pursuits.
... spaces and equipments do not rear children.. only people rear children and assimilate them into civilized society. ...
In real life, only from the ordinary adults of the city sidewalk do children learn - if they learn it at all - the first fundamental of successful city life: People must take a modicum of public responsibility for each other even if they have no ties to each other. This is a lesson nobody learns by being told. It is learned from the experience of having other people without ties of kinship or close friendship or formal responsibility to you take a modicum of public responsibility for you.When Mr Lacey, the locksmith, bawls out one of my sons for running into the street, and then reports the transgression to my husband as he passes the locksmith shop, my son gets more than an overt lesson in safety and obedience. He also gets, indirectly, the lesson that Mr. Lacey, with whom we have no ties other than street propinquity, feels responsible for him to a degree. ...
The lesson that city dwellers have to take responsibility for what goes on in city streets is taught again and again to children on sidewalks which enjoy a local public life. They can absorb it astonishingly early. They show they have absorbed it by taking for granted that they, too, are part of the management. They volunteer directions to people who are lost; they tell a man he will get a ticket if he parks where he thinks he is going to park... The presence or absence of this kind of street bossiness in city children is a fairly good tip-off to the presence or absence of responsible adult behavior toward the sidewalk and the children who use it. The children are imitating adult attitudes. ...
This is instruction in city living that people hired to look after children cannot teach, because the essence of this responsibility is that you do it without being hired. It is a lesson that parents, by themselves, are powerless to teach. If parents take minor public responsibility for strangers or neighbours in a society where nobody else does, this simply means the parents are embarrassingly different and meddlesome, not that this is the proper way to behave. Such instruction must come from society itself."
Ok i guess that speaks for itself. It's a very interesting read and she writes thoroughly although sometimes a little too long-winded for my liking.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
i'm glad i did it. however painful it was, it will be over. this too shall pass.
i'll try not to be bitter. i'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt and we'll be happy as always. we're nice people and we deserve happy days. i'll put this behind me and be a happy person. there's no point thinking about why and how and what the hell.
strange how it can be so much easier to talk to a stranger. i talked to this lady i barely know, someone i met at work. and she understood, and she understood without knowing anything about the situation. and she could discuss about it with respect to me. without judgments.
i will still wake up with painful thoughts. but with time it will blow over. dunno how many times this can be pieced and re-pieced together but well.. we'll see how.
trying to arrange 'The Longest Time' but the nwc trial only allows me to save a file 10 times. shucks. so maybe i'll do that on weekends.
i'll try not to be bitter. i'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt and we'll be happy as always. we're nice people and we deserve happy days. i'll put this behind me and be a happy person. there's no point thinking about why and how and what the hell.
strange how it can be so much easier to talk to a stranger. i talked to this lady i barely know, someone i met at work. and she understood, and she understood without knowing anything about the situation. and she could discuss about it with respect to me. without judgments.
i will still wake up with painful thoughts. but with time it will blow over. dunno how many times this can be pieced and re-pieced together but well.. we'll see how.
trying to arrange 'The Longest Time' but the nwc trial only allows me to save a file 10 times. shucks. so maybe i'll do that on weekends.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Maybe Tomorrow - Stereophonics
I've been down and I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around with me, with me
It wastes time and I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
But be free, they're all free
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
I look around at a beautiful life
I've been the upper side of down, been the inside of out
But we breathe, we breathe
I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me, all me
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
I've been down and I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around with me, with me
It wastes time and I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile
But be free, they're all free
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
I look around at a beautiful life
I've been the upper side of down, been the inside of out
But we breathe, we breathe
I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me, all me
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home
forget it?
i'm not that kind of person. if i was, i would've left archi a long time ago.
im wasting my time. but then again i was pretty happy with what i have now, with the status quo. so let it be. i tried the break this year. it served me fine, but i don't like it. i feel mean and opportunistic. when it's time to forget i will naturally forget. sometimes in life you just have to walk the course even if you don't know where it's headed to.
don't be mean. let me go.
should i go visit haw par villa today? i wanted to but i should really be thinking about the masterplan.
i'm not that kind of person. if i was, i would've left archi a long time ago.
im wasting my time. but then again i was pretty happy with what i have now, with the status quo. so let it be. i tried the break this year. it served me fine, but i don't like it. i feel mean and opportunistic. when it's time to forget i will naturally forget. sometimes in life you just have to walk the course even if you don't know where it's headed to.
don't be mean. let me go.
should i go visit haw par villa today? i wanted to but i should really be thinking about the masterplan.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
lights are really fun. but i get too flustered and panicky so i tend to press whatever buttons my fingers happen to touch. i shall volunteer for this again next year and see if i can improve.
now i feel like working as stage light manager.
the thing about dogs.. you become attached to them regardless of how nice/cute they actually are and how evil/uncute they can be. initially, sure. but after some time these things don't matter anymore. you love your dog. period.
now i feel like working as stage light manager.
the thing about dogs.. you become attached to them regardless of how nice/cute they actually are and how evil/uncute they can be. initially, sure. but after some time these things don't matter anymore. you love your dog. period.
Monday, May 23, 2011
having a splitting headache. i should go sleep soon but waiting for my hair to dry. as your hair grows longer, it takes exponentially longer to dry. i hate it. i miss the times when my hair dries within 5 minutes.
every night i go to bed feeling real tired. but when i lie down i can't go to sleep. i keep thinking. a thousand repetitive and yet different thoughts run through my mind. it's not insomnia. i just cannot stop thinking. haiz.
every night i go to bed feeling real tired. but when i lie down i can't go to sleep. i keep thinking. a thousand repetitive and yet different thoughts run through my mind. it's not insomnia. i just cannot stop thinking. haiz.
Friday, May 20, 2011
two and a half years. lol. can't believe how long ago it was. there's a pile of memories that stays at the back of my mind. i don't even remember them, but they're there. still don't know what to think. as always. it just goes on like a continuum.
life is fleeting, and it slips through my fingers even as i type.
ah youth..
life is fleeting, and it slips through my fingers even as i type.
ah youth..
陳奕迅 - 愛情轉移
徘徊过多少橱窗 住过多少旅馆才会觉得分离也并不冤枉
感情是用来浏览 还是用来珍藏
好让日子天天都过的难忘
熬过了多久患难 湿了多少眼眶
才能知道伤感是爱的遗产
流浪几张双人床 换过几次信仰
才让戒指义无反顾的交换
把一个人的温暖 转移到另一个的胸膛
让上次犯的错反省出梦想
每个人都是这样 享受过提心吊胆
才拒绝做爱情待罪的羔羊
回忆是抓不到的月光握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转 等所有业障被原谅
爱情不停站 想开往地老天荒 需要多勇敢
烛光照亮了晚餐 照不出个答案
恋爱不是温馨的请客吃饭
床单上铺满花瓣 拥抱让它成长
太拥挤就开到了别的土壤
感情需要人接班 接近换来期望
期望带来失望的恶性循环
短暂的总是浪漫 漫长总会不满
烧完美好青春换一个老伴
你不要失望 荡气回肠是为了
最美的平凡
Sunday, March 6, 2011
李圣杰--手放开
我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待
最后的疼爱是手放开
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害
Thursday, January 6, 2011
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