i haven't written much, huh? it's holiday time! i've been well, catching up on sleep time, slack time, going out time, re-exploring singapore and learning abit of web design on drupal for infotech.

one note on re-exploring singapore. it's kind of hard to feel that kind of lost bewilderment that is the fun in travel when you know almost 95% how to get around. still, it has been great fun. i really like the tanjong pagar - raffles place area. it's literally shady, with all those tall buildings, which means i don't have to be under the scorching sun for long. nice.

looking forward to beijing trip with my mom but yea, haven't fully figured what we're going to do over there for two weeks other than freezing. i want to go to harbin! seems like a pleasant and interesting city. hope i get to see some falling snow.

it has occurred to me that i live 5 months of my life looking forward to the next holiday and the next travel. quite pathetic. nevertheless, this semester has gone wayy better than all my previous sems combined together, so yea, i'm not complaining. have recently re-applied for SEP i hope i get a place next year.

i don't know what else to write. i've been talking more these days, that's why i write less. as for burdensome depressing thoughts, well they stay the same. i'll avoid repeating and sounding like a rant. which i am.

ah yeah, plant died. my pretty, beautiful plant!! i think the stem broke, i don't know when or how. but since then, it has been a journey downhill. farewell.

cannot believe it. it's the end of recess week. that means half a semester gone.

i've been feeling this unbearable desire to get away from everything i'm doing now and do something new, go somewhere else. this place is stifling and omg dystopic. i wouldn't say it's horrible, it does have some nice points - like free and healthy public toilets everywhere, good navigation and transport system etc.

but life is not just amenities, and life is certainly not just having a good education, a good job, making good money, eating good food, buying a car, etc. i want to live somewhere more relaxed, somewhere i can think and develop ideas, somewhere where my neurons wouldn't be permanently damaged by stress and late nights.

somewhere i can walk random paths. where i don't have to avoid green turfs. where there's no one in vicinity and i can sing as loud as i want to. where there is no freaking INFORMATION shoved at my face, where i can look for my own information and feel like a child again. human again.

the hills are bluer on some other side. the hills will be bluer some other time.

i have this desktop background. can't remember where i got it from. haven't changed background in years but recently thanks to my new laptop, i can see it clearer. and when i carefully look at the small houses in the background, the f*ing SCALE man.. i have this feeling in my heart like it may stop beating anytime, and my brain's going to burst if i don't make a run soon.

in a place like that you know your place in the universe.

Bakers Architectural Principles

Bakers Architectural Principles: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

the moment was full of contradictions. and i mean overflowing with it.

"i'm turning turning turning turning turning around
and all that i can see is just another lemon tree."
useless shit thinking.

anyway loads to do, submission is just a week away, so probably won't update much in the near future.

i just really hate people in general. i prefer plants and animals. i even hate myself. more specifically, i hate my current self, i want to go back say three or four years in time, ok maybe even further back. i find the world so sickening and difficult to live in.

but well yeah it's a life i have to live, and well there are some nice and reasonable people, just that there are so few..

"Fast alles hat sich geändert, und fast alles ist sich gleichgeblieben."- Als Ich Ein Kleiner Junge War

Wenn ich Erich Kästner lese, verstehe ich eigentlich warum ich die deutsche Sprache liebe.

I had a nightmare. A really depressing nightmare. Actually i´ve had 2 this week. On two separate subjects but both as depressing.

And it's rag day tomorrow. I wish every participant good luck.

went on a trip to jakarta and bandung. i had interesting days.. so ya pretty happy about it, although i would have preferred a friendlier weather (less rain and more sunlight).

a new semester starting soon. no one would understand how i feel.

anyway. great song from my childhood.

张雨生 - 是否真的爱我



是否真的爱我？别对我沉默，这月色美丽的夜晚，你在想什么？
是否真的爱我？别对我冷漠，你心里有什么样的话，尽管对我说！
还记得曾经编织的梦想，也许你早遗忘，绚烂的爱情在多年以后，也许渐渐变得平淡。

你可知不是我不了解爱情微妙难捉摸，不是我不怀疑眩外的爱情会迷惑。总是那肩并肩走过的岁月刻画在心头，切切的叮咛着我与你长相厮守！

apparently i've been promoted, such that i can now be addressed with a cute word by a totally uncute person.

been having practices with the group after work, i hardly have time/energy to help out with rag. or watch football. anyway i've been watching football on rcti via some online streaming and the screen is so freakin small it's very difficult to concentrate and enjoy the game.

reading this book 'Indonesia Dalem Api dan Bara'. Good book, i'd recommend this to all fellow indonesians.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean the uncute part.

we had first full dress rehearsal today. i'm really glad our group costume turned out well. we sang not horribly, although vast improvement to be made. concert is in 2 weeks' time. it's awful quick. but it will be nice, so please turn up! reso practices are quite fun and i've made a few friends.

started work as well. it's DARNED boring. but today i felt quite helpful. i answered about 7 inquiries. lol. did half of my german homework and spent the rest of the time distracted with all the conversations going around me. and my supervisor kept asking me to turn on the radio when i DO NOT want the radio (i was trying to concentrate on my homework!) i quite like my work actually. nice place.

lady gaga medley turned out really nice even though i'm not a fan of lady gaga. 'Beyond the Sea', 'This i Promise You' and 'Qian Li zhi wai' were also nice. those are some of the songs from our repertoire.

Anyway, fyi concert details:

Vocal Obsession IV
University Cultural Centre Theatre, NUS
26th June (Saturday) 7:30 pm
$20

do come!

Just the Way You Are. awesome song by Billy Joel. i'm on a roll. lol.




Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

i haven't been blogging much. because truly, nothing is going on. no luck at job hunting so far. results out tmr gosh. holiday fun and holiday blues. and most importantly holiday sleep. still neglecting to do portfolio.

oh how i wish to be in germany again. i love the dryness of the air, the walking, the flowers, the market, the football watching, the houses, the bread. the people speaking german all around you.

world cup 2010 is coming. looking forward to it :D

this is ridiculous. i haven't finished moving and my arms hurt. made countless trips between d602 and e303 starting from 11 am. left with clothes and a few miscellaneous items. very lazy and unmotivated now. contemplating sleeping in the old room tonight, but no bedsheet lol.

i'm damned sad leh.. usually i don't feel sad at all when i'm alone in hall but today it's been really depressing! i think it's not the fact that i'm alone, it's the impact of the realisation that it's going to be like this next year. over the semester since i knew that those friends i usually hang out with are going on sep i've been thinking haiz next sem will be quite sad. but i think today comes the epiphany. i kept using the linkway and everytime i walked past natha's room i feel really sad that he's not coming back. i make it sound like he died lol. but ya zhao also not staying next year. no one to eat supper with, no one to whine to or irritate, no one to watch movies with, no one to go to school with. if it's even possible i'm going to eat even less hall dinners lol.

oh well. life's like that huh? haha.

The awesomest song of the semester.

Echt - Du trägst keine Liebe in dir

du ziehst nervös an deiner Zigarette,
du hast das Rauchen wieder angefangen.
Du fragst mich nach meinem Befinden,
wie du siehst ist es mir gut ergangen.
Du schweigst und schlägst die Augen nieder,
mit deinem neuen Freund ist es schon vorbei.
Es scheint das passiert dir immer wieder,
kannst nie lange bei jemandem sein.

Du bist immer noch verdammt hübsch anzuschauen,
doch ich würde nicht all zu lange darauf bauen.

Denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir,
nicht für mich und für irgendwen,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir,
dir nachzutrauern macht keinen Sinn mehr,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir.
dich zu vergessen war nicht sehr schwer,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir.

Deine Augen seh'n verzweifelt,
dein Lachen klingt so aufgesetzt.
Bild ich's mir ein oder hab ich dich etwa,
nach so langer Zeit verletzt?
Ich habe dich noch nie so gesehen.
Du fragst mich, ob wir uns wiedersehen?
Doch es gibt kein Zurück mehr,
du brauchst mich nicht mehr.

Du bist immer noch verdammt hübsch anzuschauen,
doch ich würde nicht all zu lange darauf bauen.

Denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir,
nicht für mich und für irgendwen,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir,
dir nachzutrauern macht keinen Sinn mehr,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir,
dich zu vergessen war nicht sehr schwer,
denn du trägst keine Liebe in dir.

one of the dryers was spoilt and the rest were used so today i did a full hang-dry. first time in hall.
schönen Freitag - jetzt null Grad aber wird sicher noch ändern.
i don't know if i still believe it.

i wish upsetness can be packed into box, rolled into tube and stored in external hard drive.

nothing happened. must something actually happen to make people feel upset? no news is not always good news.

how did crit go? like that lor, bad as usual but not much worse than usual. he's trying to be encouraging and telling me that i should be more confident, i am becoming an architect. thank you. even though you are sometimes harsh and mean on me, you are the only tutor who has even bothered going out of the way to teach me and encourage me.

quite tired. if you wanted to upset me, i am upset. don't know what else to do.

i really liked marc and naoko's concrete bar. and the rope screen. wth had to do the presentation. groupwork makes me feel so upset. but anyway presentation was bad but i guess the slides were ok. so yep at least it's over.

concrete is cute,
and so are you.

we know that line was rubbish but it happens to be true.

ah i'm so happy. today i came up with a good sentence (my first in a long while).

What's the point of drawing a line? First i draw two, and they are parallel.

other than that, im not so happy haha. school's.. not going well. life's.. not going too well either. haha. sleep.. never enough. is it enough to believe?

lol odd shit.

studying plans.. i hope it works. i want to improve in design leh.. he said my design is... "idiosyncratic".. i am so sad!! haiz.

just three more weeks and i can have another holiday..

suddenly feel damned free. abit kong xu. will go on site visit today. still no concrete idea yet. i suppose it's time to just do it.

Mut. den brauche ich auch.

Committee Photoshoot. does that like summarise one hall year? Feels like a lot of burden is off my shoulder. and yet those one shots are totally unrepresentative. with a black background. now THAT is representative. all that is gone from the picture, wiped off the scene and covered with a piece of cloth. Probably won't be able to stay on the following year. But well life's like that.

Has it been worth it? wanna listen to 'Good Feeling' and eat naan.

finally finished urban assignment and finishing archicon.
another wave of environmental systems.
and design, how?

concrete is cute. despite what the rest may say.

dichotomy huh.. describes a lot of things.

oh man. my life is like a deep trench. i feel like a drop of water trying to rise up the trench. which obviously is impossible, thanks to the force of gravity. and still there are sand and gravels to impede me.

no idea entering my head. zero. shameful but true. such an exciting project and i'm going to screw it again! noooo..
and tomorrow i have to go to the place where it all started.

well i think it's getting too hot.
maybe i should occasionally wear a cap or look at the ground. that's one thing i can't do - look at the ground. or just elsewhere. anywhere but the sun.

no wonder i'm blind.

i've been getting too lazy to update this blog. well not lazy per se. just too tired to do anything properly. which i suppose is really bad for my character. you know what, busy people are the most corrupt ones.

anyway. chingay is over. it was sentimental. oh man especially the heartland event. that was damned funny, being on the float and witnessing it disintegrating before your eyes. and finally having to hitch a ride with the universal studios.

sleep is a constant need. the human body is not like a battery.

i think that i hate you a little more and like you a little more each day.
to my orchid: get a life!! i don't know what to do to save you. :'(

omg i so do not want to start doing work. procrastination is bad. but i have a hell lot to do and the only thing i feel like doing is sleeping or at least slacking.

i changed the bedsheet for new year. and i bought two plants yesterday. i love my room! don't want to move next year leh.. i feel like staying in kr but i don't know how much point i'll have. well fingers crossed.

this side is neat. the mess is on the other side of the room. lol. but not that messy, i tidied up abit today.

i miss secondary/jc cny when holiday is real holiday.

sleep is amazing and sleep is irreplaceable. i am highly irritated that my holiday is screwed by the many assignments.

happy chinese new year.

i don't know what to think. again.

Hey Jude

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na na na, na na, na na na na

Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na, na na, na na na na, yeah

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, oh!

Na na na, na-na na na
Na-na na na, hey Jude
Na na na, na-na na na
Na-na na na, hey Jude

Donald Rumsfeld

"The Unknown"

As we know,

There are known knowns.

There are things we know we know.

We also know

There are known unknowns.

That is to say

We know there are some things

We do not know.

But there are also unknown unknowns.

The ones we don't know

We don't know.

it is a little weird to feel so high all the time.

what a tiring and thirstying conversation! why people must argue so much with me.. damn. and i had to scrub my feet afterwards (the floor was so dusty).

archicon drawings!! must work tonight. but i'm kind of lazy, just want to lie back, chill and bask in happiness for awhile.

i am one happy fool, knowing that there isn't anything worthy in life, not even happiness. there isn't anything real, i was taught that and i believe it. but no i'm not going to turn into some cynic (at least not more than i have always been) and not going to become a monk or some enlightened deity, i don't have that capacity.

so meanwhile i'll stay happy.

if only i could get some good idea for my work..

hm.. i must not disappoint my tutor.

speaking of tutor, sometimes i wonder if one's personality changes as one switches language. at least in terms of external relationships. like i think i'm a more pleasant person when i speak indonesian, because i am less sarcastic and i don't swear with every sentence, but i'm also more serious and more authoritative, because imperative sentences don't sound as bad in indonesian as they do in english.

i feel like i'm halfway through disappointing my tutor. lol.

school starting soon. what a nightmare. i must enjoy these two days fully. been playing bridge overnight cos the chingay comm job is kind of done. the recre room is finally a recre room. we tested the lights and there's rehearsal today but i have to go to a capella concert. i think many people have enjoyed chingay preparation so much they started feeling 空虚 now that it's nearly come to an end. lol. i kind of like the chingay comm people, and the minor additions to the party. and i like playing bridge unprofessionally, haha. the unprofessionalism creates a lot of funny moments.

i won't forget this december :)

went to mui's house to get licked all over by her dog. and i bought new phone after 3+ years, so like playing around with it while i have the time!

dreading dreading the studio list.

og i hate life. haha.

i shall shut up and you'll never hear my voice again. not an easy task, but i'll manage. i really don't give a damn about money and all. if i have money i'll spend it, if i don't have money i'll make do.

well thank goodness it's a new year! which means i have one less year to spend on this world, in the company of irritating people.