because some people have a sense of responsibility. and others don't.

because some people feel okay standing before the critics next to some bloody panels they know nothing about.

and that's why i don't like group work. not exactly because of the work. but because it reveals certain uglinesses in people. irresponsibility, jealousy, laziness, mistrust, hypocrisy, irritability, etc. maybe in myself, too.
ok let's not talk about it.

how can you look so cheerful and lively at four a.m.? am becoming really dependent on coffee.

i have a dream. to one day go to a place so far away from civilisation, where the nights are so dark i can see the rest of the milky way galaxy with the naked eye.

had handball training. funny. i feel like i have more activities but also more time. maybe because i don't spend time travelling to outside classes.. though i intend to resume them some time in the future. shag. i haven't exercised in a long while. but doesn't feel too tough cos it's games and there is company.

i'm going to take the TestDaf. and do well. ya i think this end of year or next year would be a good time. but that means mad revision. i haven't touched german for nearly half a year. am so excited about exchange :D just found out that the website has mock papers to download and print. tt's cool. i love the germans. they are so cooperative. lol.

my God. half the world is getting bloody floods and the other half is getting fires.

confused? haha. so am i.

shit we've got some unanticipated drawback. material came in far from our expectations. nvm. it will be solved. but for now i've to learn rhino.

really like this song. though i just realised when i watched this today that the video is kind of random. lol.

studio went quite well. i think we're making progress. my only worry is that we won't have enough stuff for our individual portfolio. the group work is going fine, although i think some people have been the main contributors while others are more passive. they are admirable. so ya. i hope i can learn quite a bit from my peers this sem.

today is a really good day :D

i love going to ikea. the smell of the place. i want to go to europe. ok specifically germany. ok i'm obsessed, i know. anyway i bought a very huggable cushion today (and i've found a valid use for it - to do situps on). and i washed and changed my bedsheet. and my room is in an adorable state. and my life is kind of organised. lol.

but. my work isn't. haiz.

why do i have to get jealous? lol. what other people say doesn't matter. i don't need anyone's permission. they made it up, i didn't.

omg that was so lame!! i felt so extra. but anyway it's good fun to try.

haiz. how...

okok must reply emi's letter then i can go sleep. fabian just smsed to ask what time i'm coming tmr. i said "11. go sleep now. good night." it's like 2.30 now he'll yawn during lesson tomorrow.

okok finally a chance to get a grip on life and reorganise my thoughts. that means cutting studio work some slack for about 24 hours. but it's ok i'll try catch up in a while.

resolutions:
1. i'll read those bloody books that are still in the queue. 4 urgent ones.
2. i'll read module readings in advance. (ok this is tough)
3. i'll be more rigorous in design. i'm feeling inspired by some studiomates.
4. i'll read any random interesting things in the national library every week or at least once every two weeks.
5. i'll start taking note of my income and expenses again.

feeling abit less displaced after reading the timetable.

suddenly got reminded of this song i really liked in sec4 or so. i'll try an approximate translation cos the lyrics are quite nice.

Porzellan - Farin Urlaub

Das Glück ist immer da, wo du nicht bist  
Happiness is never where you are
Du willst immer das, was du nicht kriegst 
You always wish for what you cannot get
Und du beklagst dich: Es ist nicht fair   
and you complain life isn't fair

Schön ist nur das, was du verpasst         
Only things you've missed are beautiful
Du brauchst irgendwas, was du nicht hast   
You need the things you don't have
Du bist nie zufrieden, du willst immer mehr
Never satisfied, you always want more.

Du wärst gern wie sie, du wärst gern wie er  
You'd rather be like her, or like him
Du wärst gern jemand anders, hauptsache, irgendwer
be like anyone else, just anyone
Glück gibt es überall, vielleicht auch hier - 
Happiness is everywhere, perhaps here, too.
Es liegt an dir...                            
it lies in you.

Du siehst die anderen und dich packt die Wut: 
You look at the rest and you wonder
Warum geht es dir schlecht und denen gut?     
Why does it go well for them, and not for you
Du fühlst dich einsam, du fühlst dich leer    
you feel lonely, you feel empty.

Du gehst an so vielen Dingen achtlos vorbei    
you go by many things mindlessly
Für immer Sklave der Angst, nie wirklich frei  
always a slave to fear, never really free
Mach dir das Leben doch nicht so schwer        
don't make your life so difficult (ok this stanza i'm not sure)

Du wärst gern wie sie, du wärst gern wie er
Du wärst gern jemand anders, hauptsache, irgendwer
Glück gibt es überall, bestimmt auch hier -      
Happiness is everywhere, here, too, for sure.
Es liegt an dir...                               
it lies in you.

Vielleicht wirst du's begreifen - irgendwann    
Maybe one day you'll see
Und wenns so weit ist, bitte denk daran         
and then think about it:
Glück ist zerbrechlich, fass es vorsichtig an - 
Happiness is fragile, hold it with care
Wie Porzellan!                                  
like porcelain.