'Flatland' is amazing.. my dream is to one day write a book like that. it was thoroughly enjoyable. some funny bits though i'd say rather irritating. but i shan't be so petty as to be annoyed with a mere Square. lol. "Our Women are Straight Lines." "all that you speak of as solid... your houses, your churches, your very chests and safes all lying open and exposed to my view."

Speaking of states of mind.. i'm not quite as healthy as i used to be. i have more fears and more confidence, more help and more dependence, more happiness and more insecurities.

in short i gained some, and now i have more to lose.

the results are quite annoyingly depressing. but it's not just the results. it's my state of mind.

we went to watch avatar yesterday, the chingay comm plus a few extras. i think avatar was rather lame. ok la like not exactly bad,, but not good either. plus it was damned long and we sat in the second row.

going home home home.

my gastric ailment gets worse by the day.

finally applied for exchange. hope all goes well. really really want to go. will the heavens sense my eagerness? lol.

have never felt happier. a new sense of happiness, overwhelming contentment. yeah feeling quite good. but abit sad knowing that it won't last forever. nothing lasts forever. haha.

chingay is getting a bit more fun. it's quite cool. except that i have very little time for myself.. can't do much. that reminds me.. i'm supposed to finish up some watercolour and readings. write exchange application and research on it.

ich haette gedacht, dass du es verstehen will, besser als andere Leute.

some kias are so annoying.
but i don't really give a damn. nvm.

my holidays are rather bland. mostly doing chingay stuff. trying to apply for exchange now.
looking forward to next week. but anyway my bali trip is around the corner so ya i'll try to enjoy myself for awhile.

i met a very cute thing - xiaocongming. at daiso. and i brought it back and put it on my dusty cabinet. alongside danke and bitte.

there's a sense of.. glow that permeates the air. not happiness. just some sort of satisfaction.

doing banners. quite pathetic but okay la.

i don't know what to say. it's too confusing.
why. it has started and will end the same way. i feel it coming. almost as sure as i feel the B- and Cs.

anyway submissions are now fully over. i should really start studying (man.. nearly spelt start "sturt").

rest in peace dr su.

wah. like working with more softwares in a week than i've ever dealt with in an entire life.

actually really looking forward to going home and being a child again! yes that's what going home entails. it's kind of like loss of freedom accompanied by loss of responsibility. it's not bad. it would be a real holiday. re-experiencing going out without wallet and phone. haha. wanted one month but could only afford 2 weeks this time.

i need sleep. 2 more days of suffering and then i can get some rest.

my life is terribly screwed. i wake up sleepy, stay sleepy and then really sleep. when i am awake i don't feel like doing anything, definitely not arrange a3 panels for design and not cadding.

but i have submission on tuesday and wednesday. somebody please wake me up and shout in my ear.

my favourite favourite. really cool. it's like blend and harmony flawless live. whoa. recording's abit noisy though.
i love the tenor's voice. and he makes it look so effortless.




A Perfect Life - The Real Group

A perfect life in a perfect home
A perfect wife - could be a queen on a throne

A perfect life in a perfect home
Perfect thoughts in a perfect head
A perfect body in a perfect bed

If there are any ifs or doubts
If you feel unsure
If something`s gone wrong
If you can hear a stifled voice
behind a secret door...

Buy more things
Buy the store
Buy the wings
to fly out the door

Buy more things
Buy the store
Buy for comfort
Buy to forget
Buy all you need
to pay the debt

If there are any ifs or doubts
If you feel unsure
If something`s gone wrong
If you can hear a stifled voice
behind a secret door

Open it slowly
and
open it carefully

Open it slowly
and
open it carefully

That`s the only way

If there are any ifs or doubts

interesting piece. a bit difficult to appreciate for a layman like me at the start, but gradually becomes more easily identifiable as fun.

went to banner briefing at PA headquarter with jane today. and now too lazy to go to studio and start work. haiz. how terrible. i think i had too long a break.

so i guess we're back to normality? so weird.

ok just one more week. try to focus awhile more...

i don't have to read. i'm victim to the evil manipulative thoughts. my brain is so useless. should probably learn that occlumency thing from snape.
haiz. don't laugh. it's not funny.

i've to be more serious with the Krabat-reading and homework-doing.
on a book binge after realising that i can borrow not 4 but 20 books from CentralLibrary. it's revenge time. lol. found some very interesting and probably useful books but not much time to read. 'Street Theatre and Outdoor Performances' by Bim Mason has interesting examples.

fears and insecurities. yea that's about everything.
sounds stupid, true. but sometimes inevitable. sometimes scary as hell. and depressing. illogical and obsessive. like can't stop thinking about it. sometimes just sad. not even worried or annoyed. just downright sad. other times not so bad i can work properly. other times i'm even oddly happy, full of convictions, optimistic.

77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

i find that makes a nice border. haha.

maybe we're just really different people. i don't know why that should affect me, but it does.
you are evil. you do all the thousand rules and i just stupidly sit here and nod my head. maybe i suffer from some kind of inferiority complex. lol.

maybe i'm going nuts.

check out my new blog. haha. it's supposed to be for my works and stuffs related to school and hobby. pursuits. but it's not quite up yet. i'll start tonight or tomorrow. when i get tired of work.

it's under 'whatnot' on the list of links on your right.

suddenly feel better after reading old news. like don't think about it. it's good, and it will get better. not like i've never been through it.

just/must do it. work.
to do today: site analyses, think=>confirm final structure, perspective. sleep.
to do tomorrow: plans, sections, elevations, model.

Krabat seems promising. i'm still on page 28. 15 more pages to go or i'll get that annoyed look from my dear teacher.

here's wishing my sunshine a happy holiday and the jiayous to last all the times i'm under an umbrella.
and nguci has to study hard! and i think you are, so that's good.

samuel's paper2 is on monday. so today was the last lesson before os. omg. how. hope all goes well.

feeling downright miserable. and i can't even concentrate on feeling miserable because of design questions. this sucks. went to the site again today. some new inspirations but still locked. and i can't concentrate on design because of miserable thoughts.

today was a freaking lucky day. all the buses i took came within 1 minute of my stepping into the bus stop. amazing. and i went to the site with the clouds looking grey and walked 20 minutes to the middle of nowhere, stayed around for half an hour and walked back. and it rained after i boarded my bus. and continued raining all the way to siglap up to one stop before i alighted. amazing2.

but that doesn't stop me from feeling miserable, tired and uninspired.

later on we'll conspire..
reso practice is fun. i like my group. we met up for practice during lunch break and sang at some odd void deck near science. well i think singing just has this power of binding people. it starts getting really fun when you start practising for real. hope tomorrow goes well. hm and tonight's culture night as well..
and then i'll get a rest!

but shit i need to do design and digital design.

my sunshine took a very long leave and is probably sipping lemonade in hawaii. but it is as likely that it is hiding behind every other cloud.
i hope there's enough money to buy a return flight. or, just to be cheezy, enough silver to make a line.

i know i know. dunno why it should still affect me when i already know. haha. i'm trying..
natha says slap. lol. won't make me feel better. i'm not sadistic. but ya true no need to worry about it.
being delusional is convenient. haha. suddenly feel so optimistic about everything.

and still looking forward to the end of semester!

i am constantly hungry.. i think it's the stress.. so annoying.

stupid autocad gave me a huge fright. this line can really kill you.
staying over in studio like really over i even brought clothes for the first time this semester. the horror of hall.

learning autocad. i'm so proud of myself. haha. but whether i can actually finish on time for monday's crit is another matter.

why why why. am i that delusional lol. it's a price for the prize. hahaha.. ok that was lame.

SEP application is open! si. how exciting.

i'm going to start an archi blog. our tutor keeps encouraging us to. lol. but sounds taxing. not like typing crap as i'm doing here.

if i survive through thursday, that'd be great. haven't read a single word for tomorrow's physics test. and i haven't even been attending lecture.

hm... dunno. maybe i should wait like two weeks. feels long, though.

ah jadi pingin go somewhere belajar bahasa juga..

i wish there's a way to learn architecture the way people learn language.. like roam around looking at street signs, talking to people, etc. would be fun. something ubiquitous. ok it IS ubiquitous as it is but ya.. you get the drift.

i think i'm paranoid. haha. but dude.. i'm wayy better now. now i feel a sense of calm, and to a certain extent carelessness. if you think about it, carelessness is a luxury.

looking forward :)

so touched geokhan called to discuss about my question on abstraction. i think i'm getting it a bit more and more each day. haha.

i'm tired. need a lot of sleep. my blog sounds whiney. haha.

life is effing depressing. lack of sleep is making me cranky and just damned tired the whole time. i can sleep anytime anywhere in any position.

but the worst is trying to "get it".

what do i always tell him, there's nothing impossible if you put your heart to it, will it, and work it. and yet i feel hopeless. so pathetic, not being able to live that sentence myself.

the pandan reservoir site is accursed. stress level is increasing exponentially, and is inversely proportional with sleep. Interim submission and one essay due on monday. die. haha.

on the other hand.. thank goodness both presentations went well.

our new book is 'Krabat'. i feel so out of touch with the language. can hardly express myself.

omg i'm so screwed. haiz. but i cannot think. no inspiration. and just so tired and unmotivated. want to sleep badly. haven't even visited the site again.

yesterday was full of the unexpected. interesting day. but not enough sleep. my dark eye circles are expanding their territories again.

i speak fluent indonesian okay.... okay maybe not that well anymore, but not that pathetic. lol. i just can't think fast in standard indonesian. haiz. so evil.

why do we hardly talk about ourselves like today? it's nice.
i mean usually it's about schoolwork, people or places. but sometimes it's nice to talk about pasts and futures.

i shouldn't be so happy. controlling happiness level means controlling sadness level, too. i must try harder. haha.

should probably start doing design assignment soon. but i need to do the two bloody presentations as well. haiz.

wah.. we learnt a bit of vocal percussion today. so it was kind of fun. besides, we started practising for the performance.

feeling somewhat excited for the design brief. but lots to do. haha.

so what about today? how did that go? i feel so extra.

anyway. new design brief. this is sick i need a break. i haven't read through the brief but nvm. i've 3 presentations within the next one week.

maybe it's a period of trials. haha. because i realise that everything goes against my will. lol. like the new choice of site. oh wells. i think about it in terms of semesters. so next sem will be good. and this sem is ending in two months' time!

miss tjchoir. was just listening to the old recordings i used to make in the middle of rehearsals. it's amazing! listening to wizard of oz rehearsal. so funny!! can hear erick's strained voice. haha. and tessa counting. and xiufu's wrong notes when jonathan wasn't there, and how he turned pro when the wicked section began lol. and everybody else. this was a saturday morning, i remember.

those were my best days. like everybody loved everybody else. well not really, but almost. tjchoir is best.

i guess i miss tjchoir cos well.. i think that people in choir must be capable and must take choir seriously. otherwise, it's seriously no fun!! haiz. i mean tjchoir was serious, wanted to be good and wanted to have fun. we spent long hours and we got the satisfaction in the end. but a slack choir i think is a waste of time. haiz.

i love 06/07 batch of tjchoir. my best memories.

mui's room in perth is interesting.. very different. very western. haha. maybe it's the carpet. but still i like my room. just that it looks a bit bare and, according to zhaorui, clinical. it's hard to create a cosy space with the rather bright lighting.. i think it was meant to encourage studying. doesn't quite work, haha. and i should probably be cleaning my room and tidying my desk, but .. it's after submissions. i want to rest lol.

wanna go out blow bubbles. haha. feel abit restless after submission. speaking of which, my com crashed like 10 times over the past two days. seriously. it was a frustrating experience. not like the school com is much more reliable either (but maybe i just picked the wrong station).

cooped up inside ocn doing digital design media. so not my thing. lol. but i guess doing okay, if not for the fact that i'm not concentrating!! and feeling a bit sleepy. which is weird, considering i slept most of yesterday away. enjoying reso practices. fun and gratifying. not like .. a certain activity.. haha. that was really a lame one. haiz. anyway.. after tomorrow i'll have a short break (not really, cos there's still tutoring to do and science project.)

i don't know why i'm writing all these. maybe just venting frustrations. and distracting myself from rhino and ecotect. tuesday was really annoying. i mean i'm still annoyed now. so must have been quite bad. lol.

anyway ya go visit sundancechannel.com for the 'green' videos. but i always think making people watch videos is an anti-green act. no?

man. i just woke up. alarm rang two hours ago. lol.

we watched videos in sustainability lecture. but i'll save that for tomorrow. my pick of the day is simply red. this is amazing even though it's a cover.

such an awkward situation. haiz.

tonight suddenly felt like rhino isn't that bad after all. i think it's the motivation and urgency of a deadline. hoping to do history video smoothly tomorrow. haha.

how.

rhino is terribly irritating.

i'm doomed. i need salvation. lol. sure fail.

damn. i seriously need a miracle. or i won't be able to finish all those assignments.
damn 3x.

went out today (don't roll eyes it's my first in months okay..) orchard rd has changed a lot since the last time i was there. so went to ion for the first time. haha. seems like a very confusing place.. the kind you can never get out of (because the space is made so). evil architects.

MWNF

MWNF

omg now i have to discuss postmodernism??? honestly this paper is endless.. there's so much to talk of. which is amazing but doesn't make my job easy. i love my project. yay. thank God i changed from the siong lim temple.

power ranger moment is ridiculously funny!

cloudy day. lol.

the microwaved nuggets were terrible. man..
anyway i haven't written for the longest time.

my sunshine goes to church and doesn't cook,
takes the air-con well and stays real cool.

my sunshine dances to a different beat,
keeps to its bubble, stands at the corner of the doorway,
hears, sees, thinks.

then pretends it doesn't know.

my sunshine never asks, only does.

never calls.

it's difficult to imagine a my sunshine
when my sunshine doesn't shine and isn't mine.

but my sunshine is a fabulous adjective, not a proper noun.

argh i hate work!!
maybe i should change my room layout.

starting intro, finally. but i think it won't be a good one.

"My sunshine's finer than a painted rose." - Aerosmith 'Sunshine'
my sunshine goes to church and doesn't cook.

the worst day is the normal day after a good day.
lol. i'm not thankful enough.

term break will probably turn out like shit. so little time so much to do. uni life is super sick.

infirmity is creeping up on me. must start exercising regularly again. i want to grow old as fit and healthy as possible.

think hard!!
why can't everyday be like today. lol.

just one test before term break. amazing. lesley's right, no smoke without fire. anybody's tooth hurts when you bite into something sweet? mine does. so weird.

coke float is the nicest dessert in mcdonalds.

argh where is my arial button? why am i forced to use this bloody font??

one more day.

join chingay. please be persuaded :D

THREE MORE DAYS. normality here i come.

15 hours till the next sundown, which will be my next big break. i need to do some serious studying on other modules. design is engulfing my life. on a brighter note, groupwork will end on thursday, and i think it will end well so i'm looking forward to it. the problem is how to study for physics test on friday if i'm going to be shagged out till thursday??

please pray for good weather on sunday 13 sept, like temp around 28, no sun, NO RAIN, reasonable level of air speed and humidity. for my sake. looking forward to assembling on site tomorrow.

waiting for my luck. that's really true. never thought of it that way. so must continue working hard for the day my efforts will be recognised. but it's so much easier to sleep it all away..

seems like everyone's out to annoy me. lol. ESPECIALLY one of my students. and the other one's really worrying cos prelim's really soon!! and o level's coming!!!! oh gosh. and my life's in a big mess cos there's so much to do and never enough time. and some studio people are -.-

can't stop listening to 'something like you' by nsync.

i'm joining a capella. so excited for the intro course. i hope i can learn quite a bit of stuff.. :) other than that, i've started playing recreational ping-pong at the corner of the studio. no teacher as yet. but probably will just play OTOT. still having fun picking up balls so far. haha.

一日不见,如隔三秋. lol.

because some people have a sense of responsibility. and others don't.

because some people feel okay standing before the critics next to some bloody panels they know nothing about.

and that's why i don't like group work. not exactly because of the work. but because it reveals certain uglinesses in people. irresponsibility, jealousy, laziness, mistrust, hypocrisy, irritability, etc. maybe in myself, too.
ok let's not talk about it.

how can you look so cheerful and lively at four a.m.? am becoming really dependent on coffee.

i have a dream. to one day go to a place so far away from civilisation, where the nights are so dark i can see the rest of the milky way galaxy with the naked eye.

had handball training. funny. i feel like i have more activities but also more time. maybe because i don't spend time travelling to outside classes.. though i intend to resume them some time in the future. shag. i haven't exercised in a long while. but doesn't feel too tough cos it's games and there is company.

i'm going to take the TestDaf. and do well. ya i think this end of year or next year would be a good time. but that means mad revision. i haven't touched german for nearly half a year. am so excited about exchange :D just found out that the website has mock papers to download and print. tt's cool. i love the germans. they are so cooperative. lol.

my God. half the world is getting bloody floods and the other half is getting fires.

confused? haha. so am i.

shit we've got some unanticipated drawback. material came in far from our expectations. nvm. it will be solved. but for now i've to learn rhino.

really like this song. though i just realised when i watched this today that the video is kind of random. lol.

studio went quite well. i think we're making progress. my only worry is that we won't have enough stuff for our individual portfolio. the group work is going fine, although i think some people have been the main contributors while others are more passive. they are admirable. so ya. i hope i can learn quite a bit from my peers this sem.

today is a really good day :D

i love going to ikea. the smell of the place. i want to go to europe. ok specifically germany. ok i'm obsessed, i know. anyway i bought a very huggable cushion today (and i've found a valid use for it - to do situps on). and i washed and changed my bedsheet. and my room is in an adorable state. and my life is kind of organised. lol.

but. my work isn't. haiz.

why do i have to get jealous? lol. what other people say doesn't matter. i don't need anyone's permission. they made it up, i didn't.

omg that was so lame!! i felt so extra. but anyway it's good fun to try.

haiz. how...

okok must reply emi's letter then i can go sleep. fabian just smsed to ask what time i'm coming tmr. i said "11. go sleep now. good night." it's like 2.30 now he'll yawn during lesson tomorrow.

okok finally a chance to get a grip on life and reorganise my thoughts. that means cutting studio work some slack for about 24 hours. but it's ok i'll try catch up in a while.

resolutions:
1. i'll read those bloody books that are still in the queue. 4 urgent ones.
2. i'll read module readings in advance. (ok this is tough)
3. i'll be more rigorous in design. i'm feeling inspired by some studiomates.
4. i'll read any random interesting things in the national library every week or at least once every two weeks.
5. i'll start taking note of my income and expenses again.

feeling abit less displaced after reading the timetable.

suddenly got reminded of this song i really liked in sec4 or so. i'll try an approximate translation cos the lyrics are quite nice.

Porzellan - Farin Urlaub

Das Glück ist immer da, wo du nicht bist  
Happiness is never where you are
Du willst immer das, was du nicht kriegst 
You always wish for what you cannot get
Und du beklagst dich: Es ist nicht fair   
and you complain life isn't fair

Schön ist nur das, was du verpasst         
Only things you've missed are beautiful
Du brauchst irgendwas, was du nicht hast   
You need the things you don't have
Du bist nie zufrieden, du willst immer mehr
Never satisfied, you always want more.

Du wärst gern wie sie, du wärst gern wie er  
You'd rather be like her, or like him
Du wärst gern jemand anders, hauptsache, irgendwer
be like anyone else, just anyone
Glück gibt es überall, vielleicht auch hier - 
Happiness is everywhere, perhaps here, too.
Es liegt an dir...                            
it lies in you.

Du siehst die anderen und dich packt die Wut: 
You look at the rest and you wonder
Warum geht es dir schlecht und denen gut?     
Why does it go well for them, and not for you
Du fühlst dich einsam, du fühlst dich leer    
you feel lonely, you feel empty.

Du gehst an so vielen Dingen achtlos vorbei    
you go by many things mindlessly
Für immer Sklave der Angst, nie wirklich frei  
always a slave to fear, never really free
Mach dir das Leben doch nicht so schwer        
don't make your life so difficult (ok this stanza i'm not sure)

Du wärst gern wie sie, du wärst gern wie er
Du wärst gern jemand anders, hauptsache, irgendwer
Glück gibt es überall, bestimmt auch hier -      
Happiness is everywhere, here, too, for sure.
Es liegt an dir...                               
it lies in you.

Vielleicht wirst du's begreifen - irgendwann    
Maybe one day you'll see
Und wenns so weit ist, bitte denk daran         
and then think about it:
Glück ist zerbrechlich, fass es vorsichtig an - 
Happiness is fragile, hold it with care
Wie Porzellan!                                  
like porcelain.

weird days. it's sad.

two more weeks. and then school will start. back to the ridiculous studio days. dreading the studio list. lol.

the new semester's timetable is out!!! this is real depressing.

i just found somebody else who looks like garfield. haha.
i like garfield. so it's okay.

i foresee that my sundays end here. how sad. but i'm glad this year's gss went well. better than the past three years or so. haha. retail therapy works when you spend your entire week working and get a day out at the end. at least i think i haven't wasted my money on the things i buy. i don't regret buying them. and anyway for the next one month i'm not going to be out, so that should cut my expenses down a bit.

transformers2 is lame. with unnecessary scenes and plot deviations.

hm.. i must do that bloody watercolour.

what was that supposed to mean, man.. yesterday two people were talking behind my back. literally. i was determined not to hear. maybe that's a bad choice.

this is ridiculous. was going to watch a video on DW-TV. the first image shown was a woman with dreadlocks playing guitar and singing. paused it to buffer and i thought i'd check out dreadlocks in the meantime. which led to reading on the Rastafari movement. and it's now 11.24 and i've to go down start work. and i haven't watched the video at all!!!!

haven't read a single book. yeah maybe i lack the will to succeed. at least i've been reading deutsche welle website. and i just found these ridiculously good audio files also from DW-TV website! with downloadable transcripts and explanations on colloquial phrases and figures of speech.

i haven't finished the games either.

results were really upsetting. haiz.

back in singapore.
yesterday when i finally saw indonesian food at the table, i felt happier than i've been in a long time. no joke. couldn't stand the food at the tour anymore. home food is best.

Xi'an is probably the prettiest chinese city i've been to! it's really beautiful and interesting. the trip was nice (except the food and the occasional annoyances). maybe i'll upload some photos when i have the time.

the world is evil!! lol. some stupid people invited me to a reunion course in schwaebisch hall this june. [WEEPS]. it would be really nice to meet them again.. man.. i need money. hahaha. yeah i'll go again someday someday s-o-m-e-d-a-y. ok not feeling quite as normal as usual.

argh. had to wipe a tear.

okay that sounds quite stupid. but honestly i'm sad. haha. other than that i'm progressing through my abridged copy of david copperfield rather briskly. (maybe there isn't such a use of the word). it's really enjoyable. and other than that i've been sleeping a lot. and really slacking. and i'm on stage 3 of aladdin!! except it's really infuriating to realise that the 3 lives are for all the stages, and i lost 2 liberally in the first stage. damn. (btw it doesn't allow me to save my game so i keep having to repeat the first stage)

i am a free man. that keeps me happy for the moment.

thinking of WHEN to go on exchange. next year fabian will have n levels. next2 year he'll have his os. argh. damn. i think i should talk to him.

so ya i'm not that free after all. everyone's bound to his obligations.

naturally oliver twist wasn't as great as great expectations because the first is his early work and the latter is one of his last works. i'm reading david copperfield. yeah it's funny. maybe he got skeptical towards the end of his life. maybe everyone gets skeptical at some point.

you can't lose what you never had. so why do i feel sad. stupid.

if i open a store it shall be called 'die Sonne' or 'die Ecke'. so cool!

pochi is real cute.

finally finished the 'Haus der Schildkroeten'!!
i have thousands more to read (just so my money doesn't go to waste):

1. Really Reading Gertrude Stein - Judy Grahn
2. The City of Tomorrow and Its Planning - Le Corbusier
3. Towards a New Architecture - Le Corbusier
   
4. Interview with Rem Koolhaas
5. Architecture: Form, Space and Order - Frank Ching
6. 1984 - George Orwell
7. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
8. Mein Haus Hat Keine Waende - Mallet-Joris
   
9. Antony and Cleopatra - Shakespeare
   
10. Lolita - Nabokov
    
11. Awakenings - Pramoedya Ananta Toer (from mr. Thompson)
12. The Story of Art - Gombrich
    

those are the ones i could think of at the moment. (because i'm next to the bookshelf.. but i can only remember some of those that i left in singapore, so there are actually more). only intending to finish reading 1 and maybe 6/7 these two weeks. then by the end of this holiday i'll attempt to finish 3/4 and 12 as well. sounds ambitious huh.. ya i think so too. i should stop hoarding books. i should stop getting new books. damn. running out of space as well.

and no. didn't complete aladdin that day.

i want a day without scrutiny.

i've been rather efficient. but i need to get those sewings done man.. finishing the book real soon. it's more interesting towards the end.

and i'm going to COMPLETE ALADDIN TONIGHT!! actually maybe i shouldn't.. to keep the fun longer. but i'm motivated. haha. anyway i'll have dizzy after that. to think it used to be so hard for me to just jump and grab the rope and complete the first level.

"No, my heart is turned to stone; I strike it and it hurts my hand." - Othello

kok makin lama sepertinya makin ada sesuatu yang mencurigakan.. haha. the numbers look odd..

i'm good at this. i can wait forever, man.. i just need incentives. lol.

on another note, i should really start studying properly. been busy doing other stuff. room is now reduced to 3 boxes and a rolling luggage that doesn't quite roll. and the rest of the stuff, which i'm hoping to fit into another box. suddenly feel like i've been living a rather compact life. haha. threw away 6 grocery bags of stuff today. including my broken walkman and discman!!! how sad!
shit i just remembered i still have blanket and two stuffed toys.

ich pendle.
in sec 3/4 i wanted to go against norms in society. in jc i theorised that there's no such thing as a society, and similarly there are no individuals; there is no real self and therefore no hypocrisy. now.. ya i'm back to the notion of individuals and society. in the past i wanted to defy norms where i felt they were not appropriate. not just defying norms for the sake of doing so. now i feel not only i must rebel with discretion, i must have an aim. and my aim is to bring stereotypes down.

ok. anyhow. climate exam was ... dots. so now japanese left! i like studying japanese. haha.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

They asked me how I knew my true love was true,
I of course replied, something here inside cannot be denied.
They said someday you'll find all who love are blind,
When your heart's on fire, you must realize,
Smoke gets in your eyes.

So I chaffed and then I gaily laughed,
To think that they could doubt my love,
Yet today, my love has flown away,
I am without my love.
Now laughing friends deride tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say when a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes.

i have finally found out how to use the german keyboard on windows! haha. ok now finally can type properly.

today's the first day i'm being rather productive. haha. maybe i should always study in library.

i'm happy. for the wrong reasons. i think i'm really deprived. lol.

die la.. i know i'm not supposed to be here.. haha. haven't really studied how?? friday was burnt for portfolio submission (by that i mean doing nothing and sitting around for 2 hours after submission) and then went to samuel's place for tuition. and then had dinner for some time. and then homeward and went to bed. damn.

didn't go as badly as i thought it would. but ya nvm.

poor bus 10. i was mumbling curses and swearwords all the way (until i fell asleep, that is).

study week is not going too well. i've just been lazy. it's not usual of me to be unmotivated in the face of exams.. but ya i am. don't feel like studying, certainly don't feel like doing the bloody portfolio. i only want to rest... was supposed to study today. ended up like window shopping and swimming and sitting down and chatting with callista awhile. which are good per se. except, this is not the time!! lol. i'd 10 times rather read history than climate. this is sickeningly boring.

i keep playing 周杰倫's 愛情懸崖

 妳說我像一個小孩　總愛讓妳猜
　我說妳才像個小孩　總要我說才明白
　有些事太快　失去了等待　障礙　沒了期待
　我們的愛　怎麼才自然　每次溝通不來
　就要離開　就說不要愛

　我掉進愛情懸崖　跌太深爬不出來
　下降的速度太快　來不及踏上未來
　妳的愛反覆徘徊　打亂我的呼吸節拍
　該怎麼逃開　我控制不來

　我掉進愛情懸崖　回想起妳的可愛
　傻傻的還在等待　以為妳還會回來
　妳的臉慢慢離開　時間快將我掩埋
　消失的太快　我負荷不來

anh's right. suffering from archi burnout. symptoms: "lethargic, uninspired and downright lazy. this is serious."
well expressed!

took this quiz on facebook on psychological disorder. and i'm told i have this thing called the 'avoidant' disorder. which means that i care too much about what people think, and this makes me very anxious. sounds quite true to me. haha. man.. got to change.

haiz. archi con panel still not done yet. looks okay to me so far. but still only about 60% done.

wise guys is cool! anyway. i'm excited about many things. about reading week, about going home, about the trip, about hall and ya basically the end of semester. that was fast..

draft or freehand?? can't decide.

the mp3 player has brought this unpleasant culture of what i consider exaggerated impatience. here are some of my objections:

1. it stores many songs. unlike its predecessors like cds and tape recorders, you have a collection of songs from different artists and different albums in a player. i feel like it lacks the diligence in appreciating one album or one artist. this comment comes from my personal experience. after my discman broke down and i was forced to use the mp3 for an extended period of time, other than the fact that it's lighter and smaller, i found myself browsing through the songs. am kind of bothered by this habit. have yet to rectify it, but i feel like it's nearly impossible with an mp3 player.

2. it has a shuffle mode. which i suppose is to do with trying to cope with a fixed sequence that is considered boring. or worse, to aid people who can't decide what to listen to that day (myself included).

3. there are implications on the marketing strategies of producers [negative implications (to me lah..)]. the way people listen to songs on mp3 player means that there is almost no need to orchestrate an entire album anymore. i mean, previously, when an artist did a record, it was always important to consider the number of songs, the length of each song, the sequence of songs etc. but now that people listen to fragments of an album, these things no longer matter in the same way. i haven't done like research on it la. so can't really prove it. but as i was sitting on the bus, i felt like i've found the cause of the downturn in the music industry. the artists are no longer hard pressed to produce a certain number of quality songs before they launch an album. they just keep churning out albums with some hits.

of course they're all not just a one-way thing... ya our lifestyle has changed, which in turn demands these features, but by accommodating our fickle wishes, we have exaggerated our impatience. we have imposed this impatience on the next generation, who hasn't experienced the composure of not having any choice but sit through a tape recorder. of course the tape recorder was better. you can't even skip a bloody song unless you keep pressing the forward button. but something without a forward button would have been better. haha. and maybe that's why my love for old songs last longer. those hits don't bore you. you have to listen to the entire tape to get back to the same song. and then you discover the other nice songs in the album that don't become hits. you become truly a fan.

(join me in the fight against exaggerated impatience).
haha ok that line's just a joke.

yesterday's tuition with samuel went really well. and since he wasn't sleepy or bored i thought i'd stay a while longer. but then his mom came and asked if it wasn't time to round up. so i kind of rushed a bit. but yea. finishing metals is such a relief. i hate chemistry.. wonder why i took this up.

superman. that was funny. lol.
the toilet idea was scraped. but maybe i can still do the cavity. great we have another chance. got to make it work this time.

maybe it's time to close this bloody blog. the only reason i'm keeping it is because i don't really wish to delete it. but ya that's rubbish reasoning.

other than that. i am making some progress! i'm on pg 42. though that's still really far away from 89. haha.

damn. crit session tmr. no idea what to say.
well... yeah. no worries. everything comes to those who wait. like in the old boyzone song. haha. 'heaven knows' that song's cool man.. just to prove my point, i'll post it here. lol.

Heaven Knows - Boyzone

the archicon model went well. the panels didn't quite work out. lol. anyway, i thought i could get my sleep after that. but no, ended up rushing for the one-week sketch submission again. haha.

got to make it through this week. i am squashed under a pile of work. big big pile.

"Sorry für das späte Schicken". oh my.. ulf. tsk tsk. lol. btw how.. im still on page 17. and i'm supposed to finish reading up to pg 89 by next week. damn. plus i'm beginning to fail my japanese i think. this is really bad.

can't wait for friday when every bloody thing will be over. well nearly every thing.

wow. i'm impressed. cy is so nice to give us detailed comments. i left deutsch class early. dunno. don't feel like being in class and going through all those discussions today.

loads of work to do. got japanese mid-term results back. 39.5/50. half more mark and i'll be much happier. haiz. lol. it's fine.. what's really bad is that the "mistakes" i made are things like writing hiragana when i've learnt the kanji. anyway. Fehler sind Freunde beim Lernen.

happy birthday raimun :D
i hope you become a happy and successful person. i have faith in you.

bro got me a discman. haha. well i still like my old one more.. i think i'm just like that, i can't change things.. but oh well this one's pretty nice too. and it functions. lol.

pair review went not too badly.. except everyone complains they can't hear me at all. funny. i thought i was speaking quite loudly. damn. lol. oh i'm happy. thank god it's monday :D

Sahabat sejatiku, hilangkah dari ingatanmu
Di hari kita saling berbagi
Dengan kotak sejuta mimpi, aku datang menghampirimu
Kuperlihatkan semua hartaku

Kita s'lalu berpendapat, kita ini yang terhebat
Kesombongan di masa muda yang indah
Aku raja kaupun raja
Aku hitam kaupun hitam
Arti teman lebih dari sekedar materi

Pegang pundakku, jangan pernah lepaskan
Bila ku mulai lelah; lelah dan tak bersinar
Remas sayapku, jangan pernah lepaskan
Bila ku ingin terbang; terbang meninggalkanmu

Ku s'lalu membanggakanmu, kaupun s'lalu menyanjungku
Aku dan kamu darah abadi
Demi bermain bersama, kita duakan segalanya
Merdeka kita, kita merdeka

Tak pernah kita pikirkan
Ujung perjalanan ini
Tak usah kita pikirkan
ujung perjalanan ini

sheila on 7 was cool. i still think so. and my biggest compliment to them: their lyrics make full sense!! with perfect grammar! they should do more songs and shame those kids who need tuition in bahasa indonesia.

argh!!! want to go to Ulm for the summer programme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! freaks. i just saw the mail..

finished one week sketch. dreading the review. hating group work. need sleep. need to study japanese. fearing the return of the mid-term test. worrying about archi construction.

oh man.. haha.

we listened to this song by tokio hotel just now. er.. i don't find it impressive. i dunno. maybe if i were 4 years younger.
our new text is this one by Annette Pehnt. 'Haus der Schildkroeten'. i have a bad feeling this will be a depressing one.

this is really difficult. man.. i know, i know. i make it sound like a joke. but i'm serious.
i don't want them to be just memories. strangely i get the feeling my wish wouldn't come true. lol.

things get complicated.

and i need my bloody sleep!! i've slept 10 hours from tuesday morning to now (fri night), which was yesterday.
and i fucking hate group work.

so it went badly. oh man.. i was so nervous i couldn't seem to press the right keys. but never mind that. it's over. haha. the rest of the day went well though.

new brief. new studio. i dunno what to say. at least i got an okay seat.. not in the midst of everyone, and a considerably good view. lol. i really think this is unhealthy. man..

disregard the video. move to another window and just listen. lol.



so i'm lame. well i'm fine with the label.
but dude. that stabs. lol. not the "lame" bit.. just overall.

anyway, the lyrics:

Mein lieber Freund, vor ein paar Tagen hab ich dich noch nicht gekannt,
ich weiß nur eins:Du hast mir meine Freundin ausgespannt.
Es traf mich wie ein Hammer und ich dachte nur noch "Fuck",
inzwischen stell ich fest: Mein lieber Freund du hast Geschmack!
Ich mach dir keinen Vorwurf, Mann, du kannst ja nix dafür,
Beziehung ist die Pflicht und frisch verlieben ist die Kür.
Mach' dir keine Sorgen-es geht mir wirklich gut,
ich bin total relaxed und völlig frei von jeder Wut.
Wahrscheinlich bist du super nett,
athletisch, schön und braungebrannt und gut im Bett,
ein schlaues Kerlchen noch dazu,
mit Schiller, Goethe und mit Einstein fast per Du.
Wir beide würden uns verstehen, doch ich muss es dir gestehen:
Ich habe keinen Bock dich mal mit ihr zu sehen!
Du Schwachkopf...

(Hey, hey, hey, hey, Schwachkopf...)
Vielleicht bist du auch nur
ein mieser kleiner Schleimer,
und eure Liebe ist bestimmt ganz schnell
im Eimer!

Tut mir leid, dass ich so schreie, das ist gegen mein Prinzip,
wahrscheinlich hast du sie ganz einfach wirklich furchtbar lieb.
Das kann ich gut verstehen, mir geht's im Grunde ebenso-
Die Frau ist halt ne Wucht und ist so tierisch lebensfroh.
Ich werde nicht mehr kämpfen, keine Angst, ich geb sie frei,
den Himmel voller Geigen, den wünsch ich für euch zwei.
Ich kenne keine Eifersucht, das ist doch alles Mist,
ich habe nur den Wunsch, dass sie in Zukunft glücklich ist.
Mein Gott, wie hast du das gemacht?
Du hast sie irgendwie um den Verstand gebracht.
Du hast dich tierisch rausgeputzt
und unsre kleine Krise schamlos ausgenutzt.
Du hast sie gnadenlos betört
und mein grosses Glück zerstört.
Hast du nicht gewusst, dass sie zu mir gehört?
Du Schwachkopf...

(Hey, hey, hey, hey Schwachkopf...)
Von einer Frau, die schon 'nen Freund hat,
lässt man seine Pfoten weg,
doch um diesen Ehrenkodex
scherst du dich 'nen Dreck!

Du musst mich auch verstehn, mir geht's zur Zeit nicht gerade toll,
sobald ich an euch denke, hab ich schon die Schnauze voll.
Es ist nicht wirklich lustig, seine Liebe zu verliern,
sie rief mich an und sagte, sie will's mal mit dir probiern.
Hast du ihr denn überhaupt was anzubieten?
Gegen mich sind doch die andern Männer Nieten!
Ich sei der Allerbeste, hat sie selber mal gesagt,
obwohl in mir allmählich doch ein leiser Zweifel nagt...
Das kann doch alles gar nicht wahr sein!
Ich mein, es müsste dir doch klar sein:
Du bist der Grund, dass ich hier abkrache
und die ganze Zeit nur Scheiß mache!
Ich bin zwar leider grade dicht,
doch ich sag's dir ins Gesicht:
Du und sie, das funktioniert auf Dauer nicht!
Du Schwachkopf...

(Hey, hey, hey, hey Schwachkopf...)
Das war noch nicht der letzte Akt
in diesem Bühnenstück!
Auch du machst bald 'nen Fehler,
und dann hol ich sie zurück...

all's well that ends well. i'd like to extend my congratulations to xuefang. i think you did really well!! (though you may not read this).

going back to tj makes me emo. haiz. i don't know why i did it, but i sat at the bus stop for 20 minutes waiting. and of course nothing happened lol. so i went to samuel's place and gave tuition. thank goodness i have those kids. at least for those 2 hours i could fully concentrate on a concrete matter.

why do we have to change?

Schwachkopf.
lol. that song's cool. by Wise Guys. though the voice is like shit imho. but well ya the lyrics' cool.

staying up to RE-DO the bloody climate project. i can't believe this!! du schwachkopf/dummkopf/blödmann. stupid setter.. didn't write instructions clearly.

why. for one week i was perfectly fine. then i had to return to school and go to the bloody studio. and oh shit. things get difficult. haiz. and why the hell did i do that??

du hast mich irgendwie um den Verstand gebracht.

happiness is a bloody trap.

just got back from penang. it was fine. overall i had fun. penang's a pleasant place. don't mind visiting it a second time.

anyhow. i'm crazy over chopin's ballade no.3 in a flat major.

i'm going nuts. don't know when i'll heal.

looking forward to field trip to Penang. heh. other than that.. no good news.

after a presentation in goethe class by a classmate, i've decided to check this guy out. Friedensreich Hundertwasser. He must be rather eccentric. Born Friedrich Stowasser, (a perfectly normal name), he decided to adopt the name Friedensreich Regentag Dunkelbunt Hundertwasser. literally translates to Peaceful Rainy-day Dark-and-colourful Hundred-waters. not my cup of weird name. but that aside, his architecture is very interesting. some similarities with Antoni Gaudi in the use of mosaics and biomorphic forms. and looks a bit middle-eastern thick-wallish. he's austrian btw.


quote from his Verschimmelungs-Manifest:
"A person in a rented apartment must be able to lean out of his window and scrape off the masonry within arm's reach. And he must be allowed to take a long brush and paint everything outside within arm's reach. So that it will be visible from afar to everyone in the street that someone lives there who is different from the imprisoned, enslaved, standardised man who lives next door."

makes me wonder if the many colours he assigned to his buildings are supposed to act as camouflage. but cool, nah? (thank goodness i haven't started using "gell") in the picture above, the whole area is like his playground. the buildings scream existence. and authorship. not for the low-profile.

happy chinese new year everyone. and it turned out like this:

burnt top and looks more like a giant portuguese egg tart. but i like it leh... but seems like no one liked it other than my cousins, my bro and i. it was traumatic. lol. no next time. lol.

Jason Bourne. i'm a fan. i'm a fan of so many things, right? lol. just watched 'the bourne ultimatum', now feel like watching the others too.

anyhow.. we baked cheesecake today. that's the crust"

fate is a line of non-uniform thickness. it may fade. just like using a brush. the more you exert, the thicker the line. and when you let go, well.

anyhow, i've just received my cert for the B2 Pruefung. which went 23/25 compre, 25/25 listening compre, 21/25 written expression and 17.5/25 oral expression.er it was.. what i expected i guess, but not like a fantastic surprise. lol. but yeah, given the level of difficulty, i'm satisfied. at least now i can use this cert to work.

well we'll see how it goes.

ok the exhibition is over.. i must say it was a very interesting and rather fun experience. and all turned out well :) so ya do visit the exhibition if you're interested. it's at SIA gallery. 79 neil road. near outram park.

that place is nice man.. i feel like owning one of those shophouses. lol.

how did i get into this mess?? lol. forgive me. i think i'd better sort my thoughts out before i invite trouble. or more accurately, i should stop thinking so as to stop producing thoughts.

real tired. lol.

but anyway .. the conan file 678 is out!! but doesnt explain all.. so i'm still waiting. went sketching at raffles hotel today. didn't finish in time, left early.

danke erick. for listening to so much crap. i'll be your friend always. even if you go to antarctica. lol. i mean it. hope you go online often. not that you'll read this.. but ya i appreciate it.

lol today in the mrt i saw this small kid about four.. and his brother. and the elder brother was saying "ma.. look zixiang is doing pullups" (which was really cute). and the brother even told him "the chin must touch the bar." LOL. man.. i was indiscreetly laughing.

it's very tiring to be back in nus.

for one month i was free. shit this is going to be a very emo post. lol. i miss stc. i miss tj. miss choir where i knew what i was doing, that i was going to sit in the middle of the room and think alone. and could always talk when i feel like it. i miss tj because it's where i could be alone and people hecked me, and it doesn't matter. where being alone was a choice. i miss the scope because that's precisely all i do in the scope - be alone. i miss not having to think about where to sit in lectures because i always take the front row and yiwei will be there. of course i miss the people, who didn't think that being alone is weird or unacceptable, who didn't hate me for that, like the class girls and the choir girls. who tried to understand me even though they knew i was difficult. i miss having people around who are at least a little like me, like yiwei or zhikai. because it seems to me the people in school now doesn't have that patience. and no one would understand this unless we're alike in some ways, and i meet no like souls.

all despite knowing that it's my fault. that i've become more and more difficult since primary school. it's shameful. and very selfish of me to even wish that people understand. but may i at least hope that the uni doesn't force people to work in convoluted ways that involve many groups?? lol.

i'm tired of trying. these days, i want to just heck and sit back. just see what happens.

but most of all, i miss my old self who could still be open to people. who still took risks and chances. who didn't retreat to the safety of being alone. who was able to appreciate unlike souls and wasn't always looking for like souls. who wasn't so damned bloody moody and emo.

fabian was very enthusiastic today. that, at least, made me happy. and we covered all of indices. i didn't see him for a month and he grew taller by, what, ten cm? lol. man i feel real old sometimes.

man..

didn't win the bid for electrical energy: power of the new millenium, so i guess i'll be doing 4 modules this sem. wonder if that's wise.. but anyway i foresee i'll be having quite a busy life so i hope that's ok..

went to the SAM. and the entrance sticker goes:
"no experience is necessary". i was puzzled for some time.. still can't figure out what they mean. it could mean at least three things:
1. no experience required for entering the SAM
2. 'no experience' is necessary
3. all experience is unnecessary (and therefore the SAM experience is a choice)

i'm going to learn japanese! yay. one day, one day i'll be able to read the japanese version of conan. i hope that day arrives before the end of the series. lol.

internal debate over whether or not to change 'genes & society' into something more.. manageable. i can't do bio. it's out of my league.

nothing to post.

shuuichi akai. i'm a fan. damn he died. or didn't die. hope he didn't. fyi, akai's a character in Detective Conan. lol. okay i know this is lame, but he's really cool. if there's a thing i don't like about Detective Conan, it's that it's not feministic. lol.

i foresee a bad semester ahead. haiz. of all things. hope i get all the modules i want. at least that.

missing the dogs. shit.

Happy new year. 3 days of 2009 have gone. bloody hell.

anyhow. today we went to Tuban. there's a temple by the northern coast, facing the Java Sea. it's about 2.5 - 3 hours' drive away from Surabaya. The first picture is the "tambak" along the road to Tuban [where they rear fish, prawns etc. like a fish farm] weather was good so all the photos turned out well.

and views of the coast:

bloody stupid billboard.