Evan

 

Potty Talk--SB Edition

I tell my kids constantly to stop using potty words, and yet here I am doing potty talk on the internet. 

Anyway...I've mentioned before that I've been able to attend Spina Bifida leadership institute where I have met incredibly fun people who understand and relate to my life in a different way than most people can. In that group we can talk openly about uncomfortable topics, like potty talk. After all, Spina Bifida is much more than difficulty walking. Bowel and bladder incontinence is almost always a given.

So at leadership institute last year, I met a man with Spina Bifida who I really connected with. Although he is a few years older than me, I saw a lot of my son in him--who my son could be, what his life could be like as a working, professional, adult male with Spina Bifida. At some point this guy was sharing an experience where he was in a very public position, presenting in front of a crowd or something, and he...had an accident. He went #2 in his pants right there, up on stage, where the show must go on. I was both laughing and crying through his telling of the story. Not where you're laughing so hard you're crying, but actually crying because I have seen my son in a similar space and I know the horror and trauma. It's not funny. But then also laughing because, years removed from this experience, this man was able to move on with his life with the understanding that Spina Bifida really stinks, sometimes literally, but life goes on. He was able to find the humor in the situation that is all too common when bowel control is just non-existent. 

I went to the store today to pick up a prescription and stock up on enemas for Evan. Since he's had a regular enema routine he's been much more successful with avoiding accidents, especially at school. I only had Cameron with me, and he wanted to help carry the boxes of enemas. As we stood in the checkout line, a lady behind us was watching Cameron, so he started smiling at her and dancing around, showing off the enemas he was holding. My first reaction was embarrassment. I felt like I needed to explain, or hide them, or quickly put the "blame" on my son by saying something like, "Those aren't for me." But then I thought, so what? What if they were for me? If I needed an enema, especially for something 100% out of my control (like SB), I would owe no explanation to a stranger behind me in line. And I should have zero shame about it. So I didn't say anything. I hope she got a good laugh out of Cameron's dancing and showing off our enemas today.

On the way out the door, as I'm holding the prescription and 4 boxes of enemas, the employee at the door said, "Ohhh, someone's having a procedure! That's horrible!" In my shock, I just kept walking, but it would've been a good teaching opportunity for her. As a matter of fact, lady, this is just normal life with Spina Bifida. And it's not horrible. Enemas are a wonderful tool that my son has to keep his body healthy and regular. 

I still disapprove of most potty talk at home, but you know what? It's gonna happen when you live with Spina Bifida, and sometimes it helps to find humor in it.

PS. My big guy turned 9 this month!

Spring Break to Redding

Seth: One time we went to a hotel. And there was an alarm clock there. And we liked to look out the windows to see our car. When we were there we started to unpack. We swimmed in the pool. And it was pretty cold but we got used to it. And me and Evan were swimming all the way to the 5 feet part. And mom holded Cam when he was swimming. And the first day we got there, for dinner we got pizza so mom got out and went all the way to Domino's to get pizza. From Redding ALL the way to Domino's. And we drank hot chocolate. We watched basketball every day. And the second [morning] we watched Saturday cartoons and so we watched Power Rangers. We got some breakfast in the morning. I liked that we got to pick our breakfast. The part I liked was they had some Danishes. First I had a cheese Danish and second I had an apple Danish. On the first day (Friday) we went to go hiking and after we played fishing. We catched just one fish. It was like a black bass.  (The people in the boat near us caught it.) We did swimming again and had nachos for dinner. And when we were going home we went to a store with lots of fun games (the arcade at Oasis Fun Center). I liked air hockey and I won.

Evan: On the first day we unpacked in Redding. And then we went to our hotel room and we took the stuff out. There was a bed, a TV...there were curtains. We went swimming. I took some swimming lessons without my floaties. We went under water...well, I did. We got hot chocolate and then we had pizza for dinner. We watched some basketball games. I thought I would sleep better in my bedroom, but I actually slept better in the hotel. In the morning we got breakfast. There were Danishes. That was my favorite part. We ate breakfast in our hotel room. We went fishing and saw some people catching some bass, some black bass. Dad put a new reel on my fishing pole. It worked pretty good. We went swimming. This time when we went swimming we saw coins. We watched some more basketball games. We had nachos for one of the days. Then we got ready for bed and went to bed. The next morning is when we packed. We went to the arcade. We got to do skee-ball and a racing game. [My favorite was] the basketball game where we got the most points and the most tickets. And when we finished we had 101 tickets! We got to pick some prizes. Then we drove all the way home and had In-N-Out. Then we drove the rest of the way home.

Evan learned how to whistle on this trip

2019 Photo Dump

 I've missed posting some pictures here...

Our annual trip to Redding this year (2019) involved taking family pictures for the first time in 3 years and having the Esparto Hudson/Sefos join us.

I made a Very Hungry Caterpillar cake for Cameron's 1st birthday because he is a very hungry boy. He loves food. Clara Cobb was the only one to join us for dinner and cake since we would be seeing family for Seth's birthday/Thanksgiving the next day.

Birthday Bucks

After having Cameron steal his birthday thunder last year--remember, I had just had Cameron so we ate cake in the hospital--this year Seth had to deal with his birthday being ON Thanksgiving. He really didn't seem to mind. I let him pick what pie he wanted, and then told him his birthday party would be on Saturday, and he was cool not doing much on his actual birthday.

We invited preschool and ward friends for Seth's dinosaur birthday party. He got approximately 9,723 dinosaur toys, and loved it. They broke frozen dino eggs (Seth was the only casualty of little kids playing with hammers), played Pin the Horn on the Triceratops, and had a dinosaur soundtrack in the background while eating Seth's favorite foods: mac & cheese, fruit, rolls, and Dinosaur cake, of course.

Apple Hill

Always the mechanic

This is probably about when both boys became voracious independent readers.

Breakfast with Santa & Mrs. Claus

Kids & Cocoa at Evan's school

Time for a Break

The world has been shut down. Think of that! We've been fighting, forever, to shut down the world, or at least the distractions and negative influences in it. And now we're here--realizing what things are really important and what things are really necessary. Some people are finding that there really wasn't much of our daily lives that was necessary. We're left with home, family, and we have a home-centered gospel study program that will still be going full-force at home...maybe even better now. Just a few weeks ago I was saying that I wished we weren't so tied to a schedule in society. It's hard to force the kids to get up and ready in the morning, and it's hard to drop your mid-day activities for school pick-up. It's hard for my 7-year old kid to have so little time at home. He's still so little! It's weird that he has so much expected of him already! But life doesn't usually slow down so you learn ways to cope and you keep moving forward...

Until this week. We are finally getting a much-needed breath.

My husband is going to be home a whole lot more. We're all so grateful for that! We get to wake up on our own schedules and stay in our pajamas if we want. It's going to be so much easier to make time for gospel study, family bonding, home projects/organization, self-driven learning, intentionality. I, for one, am looking forward to this break.

I totally get that there are complications and fear, including health, financial, and resource concerns. Our family is ready to help with meals, babysitting, a listening ear for those in need. I'm grateful we haven't yet been hit by covid-19 in my circle of friends/family. I'm grateful to have prophetic guidance that prepared us for this day in a thousand ways. I'm grateful Evan is only in 1st grade so a break from school isn't THAT big of a deal. I see a lot of fear and stress about the children at home but I feel grateful for this time to stop the busy-ness of our lives and "just be a mom." I don't have to be a teacher and "home school" my kids if I don't want to. I don't have to be an entertainment center with a schedule and planned entertainment if I don't want to. I don't have to check everything off the 10,001 Things to Do at Home with your Kids list in the few weeks we're on break if I don't want to.

I get to choose how we spend our time without the MANY, MANY distractions of the world. I'm looking forward to that.

Month of Love

Post survey--let me offer you some thoughts:
1) If you are an American, your world is most certainly influenced by black history.
2) "Celebrating" Black History Month doesn't have to take any extra time.
--Try listening to the news with a little more compassion.
--Think a kinder thought about that person you pass by.
--Suppress the urge to criticize or stereotype.

Now, if you have more interest or more time, here's some more info about Black History Month, which, by the way, DOES exist and occurs in February.

Receiving this picture from one of my students who was black was one of my proudest moments during student teaching in Washington, D.C.

Last Sunday I came across some articles on FamilySearch about Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Black History Month. I've never done anything to celebrate either of these, outside of enjoying the day off work on MLK Jr Day, and I've never been much of an activist, but something stood out to me in the article:

"Martin Luther King Jr. Day is not a day dedicated to leisure, but to action and service. The Corporation for National and Community Service states that the holiday, observed on the third Monday in January, is 'a day on, not a day off.' It notes that the holiday is the 'only federal holiday designated as a national day of service to encourage all Americans to volunteer to improve their communities.'"

But we still didn't do anything special for Martin Luther King Jr. Day this year. 

HOWEVER--I've felt the stir to do what I can for Black History Month this year. I think a little dose of humility and charity has helped me finally "get it" and understand why it is important. I hope to recognize and celebrate the achievements/contributions of people of African descent with the intention of becoming more culturally aware and sensitive. Here's some ideas to use or to inspire your own way of celebrating. And how nice that we have 29 days to celebrate this year. :)

1) Podcasts: I listened to the 3 in 30 Podcast Episode 113: How to Teach Your Kids about Racism & Bias. The guest on the episode is Jasmine Bradshaw. She has her own podcast and Instagram, First Name Basis, dedicated to inclusion and how to talk to your kids about race, religion, and culture. My kids are still pretty little but, after binge-listening to her 3-part series on race/racism, I have been able to pull strategies that I look forward to implementing in my family. I've also learned a lot for myself. My favorite takeaway is that it's not enough to not be racist. You need to be anti-racist. I highly recommend listening to the First Name Basis podcast. [As a side note, I took the implicit bias test mentioned in a couple of her episodes and showed a slight automatic preference for African American over European American, haha.]

Another recommended podcast is the Seeing White series on the Scene On Radio podcast. It's more lengthy and a little hard to digest sometimes (strong language warning at the beginning of episode 1), but really explains well the white privilege mindset in American society. Again, I get it now.

2) Books: Next we checked out some kids and adult books on black history and famous African-Americans. My kids can't put books down, so here's to hoping these engage them enough that they learn something from them. There are hundreds of books to choose from, but these came highly recommended:

*I'll say more on books later

3) I saw that the Ruby Bridges movie is on Disney+ (might also be available at the library if you don't have Disney+) so I put it on our calendar to watch that in February. Other family-friendly movies I like that feature black leads are Princess and the Frog, Remember the Titans, 1997 Cinderella (w/Brandy), and Cool Runnings. I also like To Kill a Mockingbird (for adults), and I haven't seen Akeelah and the Bee but it's a good recommendation.

4) I had to google if there was a museum of African-American history in my area--Sacramento. Yes, there is! Turns out the Sojourner Truth African Heritage Museum is not only FREE, but it also has an African Market Place on the 1st and 3rd Saturdays each month. You can bet I popped that on our calendar to explore.

5) One of the exhibits at the Crocker Art Museum in February is called African Roots. There is also a Black History Month Free Family Festival on Feb 16th. 

6) One suggestion to celebrate Black History Month I saw repeatedly is to support black-owned businesses. You can google search "black-owned restaurants/stores in my area" to get a list. I was skeptical of the accuracy of this, but with names like "Sarom's Southern Kitchen," "South," and "Fixins Soul Kitchen," I'm pretty sure these are restaurants I can feel good about supporting next month. 

7) Mancala tournament

8) Cook African or African-American food

9) Listen to blues/jazz/traditional African music

10) Read the "I Have a Dream" speech

11) Learn stepping (How to Do a Simple Step for Beginners)

12) Evan's school class did this cute activity for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. "The outside looked different. The inside looked the same. Martin Luther King Jr. wanted everyone to be treated equally."

And I love whoever gave this answer in my survey:

"Visited a Black Museum, honored the month at the temple, and donated to organizations supporting Black women's maternal care."

How sweet is that? And such good ideas!

The more I learn, the more confident I feel at navigating my diverse community and avoiding saying stupid things, though I'm still learning. I am glad Evan's school teacher is black and his schoolmates are incredibly diverse. I'm glad that 1/3 of my kids' cousins are black (Even though my boys laugh when I talk about black and white people. "BLACK people?! No, their skin is BROWN!" and "I'm not White! My skin is not white!") 

*An additional note on books--the ones mentioned above are more directly about black history. But just overall, it's important to diversify your bookshelf (and toys, movies, etc.) to include a variety of colors of people. For example, on one of our shelves we have 21 biographies: 20 of them are white people. We could do better.

However, just looking through our kids books I pulled out several that are good for showing inclusion and diversity:

• Can I Play Too?, by Mo Willems
• Friends learn how to include someone with different abilities
• The Sandwich Swap, by Queen Rania Al Abdullah
• Two girls learn acceptance by trying new things
• Faces, by Shelley Rotner and Ken Kreisler
• The Jobs We Do, by Anna W. Bardaus
• Features a black, female construction worker and firefighter, and a black, male teacher, librarian, and doctor. Counters racial and gender stereotypical jobs.

I hope you pick one of these things, or many, or even come up with your own way to recognize black history. Looking forward to a happy Black History Month! A month of Love!