SAN FRANCISCO here I come!!

Woo!! A week and a half till I fly off and enjoy 3 weeks in wonderland. The "land of the free" good ol' USA!

Nicole's such a dear to let me bunk in her apartment for 3 weeks. -grin-

3 weeks might seem a long time to most, but hey, I like to take my time and experience SF for what it is - a colourful gay city with gay seafood to die for. But no ladies and gents, I will not just be in SF for all 3 weeks. In fact, I'll be going on a road trip with Nic and friends to LA, LV and maybe (just maybe), Mexico! Ariba ariba!!

Spring Break in the US! What else could I possibly ask for? *ponder* Okay okay, so I might want to go to NY, Paris, London, and Australia too. But for now, with what money I have, SF and the states closeby will have to do. And I'm really stoked about it.

Till then (and here comes the bummer), I have to finish up my attachment. Yes!!! It's almost over!! 2 more days!! PART-tay~~!!!

So long dumbass computer system company with lousy motherfucking Microsoft 98 computers! Burn in hell!!! BURN!!!!

Muahahahahahahahahaha... *takes a breath and continues* ahahahahahahahahaha....

Bye.

The funeral was...hard.

I tried so hard to keep the tears in, but when I heard his mom's cry, I could feel the pain in her heart. It was...intense.

I really can't say much about what happened yesterday at the Cremitorium. I mean, really, what's there to say? I just feel upset whenever I think of him. As selfish as it may seem, we still want him in our lives. But he does deserve better. He does deserve the blissfulness of the after-life in heaven.

I guess what we may be feeling is - envy.

After the funeral, my friends and I headed to town to get dinner. We haven't hung out like that in ages. And truthfully, I've missed it.

Dee and Clara, are the combination of giggly laughter and playfulness. Matt is just downright goofy and funny as hell. I can't help laugh at/with each and everyone of them. No one would be able to withstand their force of nature.

So there we were, in Far East, having a Thai dinner. And Matt comes up with a game to eat anything we put into a small bowl if you guessed the right number. I, was the first one to kena. Then himself. Then Clara.

Clara was the most jia lat one. Vijay - Dee's bf, had put in, tomyam soup, sweet chili, chili padi and some lemon grass. We saw her struggle at the very thought of eating all that, so we just let her take a spoon full of the soup. She looked at the extremly spicy-looking soup for a min or two, then put it in her mouth. What came after that ladies and gents, should be read with discretion.

She started putting her hand over her mouth, and everything came out onto the plate in front of her. And I mean EVERYTHING..

Snot came out of her nose like a tap. Imagine the thickness of udon, but thicker. And it's translucent, and sometimes green. Ooohh.. The horror!!

Her puke didn't bother us as much, but the snot...OMG, the snot.

(Clara, if you're reading this - sorry. But the world has got to know!!)

She rushed to the toilet and the 4 of us left couldn't stop laughing our asses off! I felt mighty bad later on, so I went to check on her.

Amanda: Hey Clar! You okay?
Clara: *sniff* Ya.. But I've got chilli up my nose!
Amanda: Hahahahahaha...
Clara: I've got a spicy nose!
Amanda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

We returned to the restaurant, and Clara was curious to see what she barfed out. She lifted the tissue that Dee used to cover the plate 'coz of it's utter grossness, and quickly covered it back. I needed to see it too, so she lifted the tissue once more, and omg. The plate looked as if it'd been egged. Her mucas was all over stuck on the tissue and the plate - kinda like egg whites. It was horrible..

We left the restaurant immediately after we paid - briskly.

You see why I miss this?? You see why I loved hanging with these guys??

Ahh, the life.

At 5am this morning, I'd received terrible news:

Kai's gone.

He finally gave in and let go. He fought a good fight to stay alive these past few weeks to say goodbye to his family and friends. His rest is well deserved.

I wish him a perfect after-life in heaven with peace and joy. You will be dearly missed, here on life's plain.

God bless your soul.

You are the epitome of a person who's lived.

Life's truly a bitch. So shouldn't we all just save time, and die now?

We will never live to oblivion, neither will we live to see the children of our children's children (unless we're motherfucking lucky to live that old, or if we start producing babies like crazy now). So what's the point?

Are you so contented with your life that you wanna live it out and see what happens?

My life is neither contented nor happy. So why bother?

Do we die after we've accomplished everything we're supposed to have accomplish? Do we die when we're blissfully happy and contented with our lives? At which point do we realise that happiness never lasts?

The world's unfair, society and life in general. When we're down, it brings us down even lower. When we're up, it pulls us all the way down again. I repeat my question: so what's the point?

I know a guy who's lived a pretty eventful and fulfilling live. I didn't realise it till recently that he's been the most wonderful friend to his peers, the most filial son to his mother and father, and the most caring sibling to his sisters. And then it happened.

An abnormal blood vessel in this brain suddenly burst and it caused him to fall into a coma that required 2 surgeries just to recover him. The third sugery that followed was supposed to be the major op that will remove the abnormal blood vessel from his brain, but to no avail. The surgeon stopped the surgery with the reason that the patient was losing too much blood.

Word spread of his condition, and blood donors came from everywhere. His youth flying club, his sec sch, his church, his friends' churches, etc etc.. There were too many donors in fact, that nurses had to request that no more donors come in. There were probably 20 more willing to give blood.

The 4th op started with a puncture in his neck to allow a tube to be placed in its place for him to breathe through, but the op proved to weaken him. His heart stopped, twice. His lungs were filled with fluids, and the doctors had said that there was nothing else they could do for him. They suspected that he was brain dead.

If his heart gave way and stopped again, the nurses would not try to revive him again. 3 times and you're out. No more chances. No more life.

They put him on a respirator to help him breathe. This was the time when everyone was to say their goodbyes. The doctors let him on the respirator to do just that - say goodbye.

As I stood next to him, I was speechless. He was bloated and more swelled up than the previous days I'd seen him. His eyes were half-opened and dry. But one by one, as people stood next to him talking, I'd noticed he started to tear. Tear after tear, as he heard the sounds of our voices and the words that we spoke. He couldn't have been brain dead. I didn't believe he was braindead. I didn't want to say "bye" 'coz that's not what I want him to do - to go.

But with all his relatives around, I couldn't say inappropriate things like - "see ya later alligator", or "nice hair dude".. So all I said was, "bye".

I hated myself. How could I have said "bye"??? I didn't want to say "bye", because I didn't want him to give up. I didn't want him to believe that we'd given up on him, 'coz the truth to the matter is, we hadn't.

Outside, a line had formed, and two-by-two, his friends went in to say their words of encouragement and goodbyes. With each pair that went in, each pair came out with tears in their eyes. No one wanted him to give up.

****

3 days had passed since that dreadful day, and the patient's looking better. The doctors called it a "small miracle". We call it "God's gift". Big or small, a miracle's a miracle.

He's still alive, might have some brain damage, still on the respirator, but HIS blood pressure is back to normal.

I believe that everything happens for a reason - good or bad. We just have to believe that the option God has given us is the best outa the lot. Like I believe, though the ops had failed, that it happened for a reason. Maybe it's to let us know that his brain's still alive, that he can hear us, and that he knows what's going on. Prior to the 4th op, we second-guessed if he even knew we were there.

He's strong and determined, and I know he'll fight for his right to live. He's succeeded in everything he'd set his mind to in life. I'm sure he'll do the same in this situation.

You're a great person KAI. On behalf of the Normanton gang, we love you and we'll re-unite and re-live our childhood days as soon as you're better.

God Bless thee.

Last night, my brother threatened to slap me.

Other than that, I'm fine.

I can't believe it's the last week of 2004.

So much has happened in the last 2 months, so much.. I can't even begin to describe the ups and downs. Though I'm glad there were more ups rather than downs. I'll shall update ya'll when I have the time.

Right now, I'm just grasping the fact that it's the last Monday of 2004. Tomorrow will be the last Tuesday, and the day after - the last Wednesday..so on and so forth.. Not to mention, the last MAMBO night of 2004. My last ladies' night at Phuture.

Wo, total reality check...

FINALLY!! I have something to do!!!

No more online games. No more excessive eating. No more.

My job right now, is to revamp the department's web page. It sounds easy yea? But no... You guys haven't seen their web page. It's total crap.

It's like a web page designed in 1998!! Oh, have I told ya'll about the computers this company provides for us? Let me enlighten thee...

The monitor has a big ass that sticks out and takes up practically the whole table. Tho the table ain't that big either. Below the monitor sits a CPU. The desktop kind. Yea, those still exist!! And the colour of the equipment... It's so yellow and dirty, I had to borrow Syaz's pink eraser and rub it all over. There was only a slight improvement.

So let's talk about the CPU. 130MB RAM, 2GB free harddisk space, and a Pentium II processor. Oh, and did I mention we're using Microsoft 98? Mind you, this is a "computer systems" company. They're supposed to be up to speed with the latest computer systems. But nooo.... They totally suck.

So the webpage is crap. And I have to turn this crap into something decent. My brother advised me not to do anything too professional-looking, or really really great. 'Coz they'd probably use me to do the rest of the departments' webpages and only paying me that much. Fucking cheap labour la. Designing web pages can cost tens of thousands of dollars. And they're paying me a few hundreds only. Great huh.

So yea, I'm not going to crack my brain and use up my creative juice to make this one perfect. Just decent.

Hey, you pay me this little, you'd get that little.

I'm not being greedy. It's just fair. They're using us Attachees as cheap labour. And 'coz of that, why put in so much effort?