Karma maybe?

Yesterday while driving home from work, a thought came. I think i am not a nice person. Probably some of you may feel so too. Maybe thats why we stopped talking to each other or our friendship have fallen out. I suddenly felt the pain that you must have felt. Suddenly all the thought of you being crazy just faded away.

I looked through emails from the last 6 years. Some i must admit that i havent read. The pain in those emails. And in some i really felt how happy you were. I felt it and i Am really really sorry. Sometimes i wonder if things didnt change how would it be like today?

For the first time in years....

Propertilizing

So i had a really REAL dream last night. I mean real as in it felt real but it was just a dream. You just suddenly appeared next to me on my bed and ask me weird things. And i asked you where you came from and why so sudden afterall we havent talk for almost more than a year now. Then you said you were planning on propertilizing your business. i was like what is propertilizing and asking you how to spell it.. I woke up after and realised it was a dream but i actually went to google it and sadly there is no such word.

Anyways i dont know what the dream meant but you have been appearing alot lately.. Oh wells, i believe you are happier now :)

Read through my old emails and this came up on 18/8/2011

https://youtu.be/zaGDcnafWCg

You were my La-la land

watched la-la land today and really loved the last bit. If only life could show play the what if's.

What if i never chose to walk away?

Tear drops...

Turn these tear drops to joy.

I knew it was coming. I had this funny feeling. Knowing it now for real, i wont lie.
Its sour, i feel soft and helpless. The heart is heavy but i will let go.

Because i made my choice and i wont be selfish.

Tomorrow i will be better:)

2016

I will make time to write a post about 2016....:)

Cant cope anymore

i have a 7.15am flight to catch in the morning but i need to put this down. Feeling absolutely disappointed and frustrated with self. Awhile ago i checked my email for my flight itinery and realised that it was not booked. Dont know is it my fault or the admin's for not following up.. Sigh! Managed to get tickets but here i am with ny mind just so filled i dont know what im thinking. Ive been so out of focused. So much work backlogged. So much thinking to do. I think i cant cope with everything anymore😢

Its time to get organised and get myself together again. Tomorrow will be a better day!

Almost 2016

We are almost 2016. Alot have happened, alot have changed.

A year older to be. What do i want in 2016?

Will you walk it with me even when it looks beautiful yet uncertain?

Choices

Iron woman

Ive been reflecting lately about 3 things.

1. Dominating
Am i a dominating person? I want everything my way. Maybe i have been too nice in the past, so each time i got bullied, i kindda get stronger. Someone recently told me that i am quite doninating and its kindda in a jia lat zone. Hmmmm...

2. Selfish
I want it my way. Why cant you sacrifice? Ive done so much, its your turn! Sometimes i think ive been selfish. I want it this way. You have to follow me. You should follow me.

3.Crazy
Today i can be nice. But im a monster tomorrow. Sometimes you meet crazy people in life and you complain how crazy they are, then unknowingly y
ou become one too.

Its heartache. I feel tired. I know i can be an iron woman sometimes, but all i want is to sit back and feel loved. Why is love painful sometimes?

never go back..

Ive been reading a really interesting book. Its about the 10 things you will never go back doing. Its been pretty insightful and i can relate to so many of the scenarios mentioned! Will share more once i finished the book..

Today im in a haihhh moment again. Its like you wait wait wait and then there was abit of hope and light then it goes bam crash, everything back to zero.

Oh God, at this time of frustration teach me to practice "love is not selfish"

Breathe in breathe out.

Goodnight world:)