Proverbs 30

2008 is almost done.......2009 looms.
I have alot of excitement for some reason about '09, not sure why? It may have something to do with my desire.....my desire(?).....to hear You.
To not be afraid.
To live RISKY and reckless and soft and trusting...I don't know.....
What am I going to do the first time I become afraid??
The first time I am challenged?
The first time I hit a trial or a wall or.....
I don't know and yet I think there is in me for the first time a contentment in who YOU are?? A contentment (?)....a bone deep conviction of who You are and in that reality who I am doesn't matter??? I don't know just feeling without urgency, an excitement....we'll see I guess.

vs. 5-6 The believer replied, "Every promise of God proves true;
he protects everyone who runs to him for help.
So don't second-guess him;
he might take you to task and show up your lies."

Every promise of God proves true; he protects everyone who runs to him for help. He does, I just forget to run to Him...I pray in this year to remember this, to hold on tight to the TRUTH of who YOU are......to stop trying to prove anything to You and trust that Your promises....Your voice, Your word is worth forever seeking.......I pray 2009 be a year of incredible times for the Holy Spirit to be revealed through us, as followers, seekers of You. I pray love be shown to all those who don't yet know, don't yet trust....those who have been deeply wounded by we, who call ourselves Christians and fail to in following You love them. I don't know... just words now and what I need is to HOLD ON.....

Proverbs 29; Mark 16

I think I'm going to continue blogging IF I say I don't write to be read why would I care that noone reads. I am going to stay blogging the reading plan and praying for input and people to read along with me.

Christmas was amazing.
Time with family beyond a blessing we expected, or feel remotely entitled to. We had EVERYONE at our home on Christmas eve....Santa for all to enjoy...
There were tears and laughter and so much joy along with a healthy amount of intropsection I think.

We had an engagement....he proposed right in front of all of us. Our prayer is they seek You.....

Proverbs 29: 18 If people can't see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed.

vs.25 The fear of human opinion disables;
trusting in God protects you from that.

In the introspection there were some things said that I heard MORE than I hear You. I pray in 2009 to stop 'fighting what I hear' and seek to hear You and Your voice.... following that, living risky and reckless in that following.

and Mark 16: 1-3 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so they could embalm him. Very early on Sunday morning, as the sun rose, they went to the tomb. They worried out loud to each other, "Who will roll back the stone from the tomb for us?"
The Mary's soon to discover that it had been done...the stone rolled away and YOU resurrected....
In the introspection I can get caught up in not knowing what to do, forgetting You've done it all and now in a reckless life, just in the hearing, follow where You undoubtably lead....

Having trouble connecting pictures here's the link if you want to see.... http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/emailAlbum?uname=beckybjkphotos&aid=5285192286200193857

Proverbs 22; Mark 12

I so want to post this......

But not technologically savvy enough to do so. You can go to Roy's blog and he figured it out...
Penn's take on a gentleman's giving him a bible is pretty amazing. He calls him a 'good man', I would imagine this guy would deny that and what Penn really sees is LOVE.
But our being such a romanticized people, playing in 'mud pies' while an ocean beach awaits us, Penn doesn't call it such.
I am moved by it and moved by the faith of the gentleman, giving a bible to a professed atheist. Not shoving it in his face but gently giving it to him and giving him contact information so he, when and if he so desires could get in touch with him. That's love and we so rarely know it. And me, I'm afraid to show that kind of love. I think there are moments when I feel it, genuinely from the Holy Spirit feel it. More often than not I ignore it, I flee from it, I deny it...I don't know why. In praying to live a life a risk, praying for we who know to LIVE in the Spirit I do all this...and this morning I wonder if I could do different, if I could live in the love He calls me to?
So in order to implement all that I learn from reading His Word I am praying to submit more and more to the power He offers. To not look for nor need other affirmation and approval, to surrendered into all that He offers to me live in a love that will perhaps confuse people.
Maybe it's the season, maybe it's answered prayer, maybe it's .......His love.
Merry Christmas and I pray that you find His love and sink deeply into it, trusting that He is who He says He is, gives what He promises and wants you to in the sinking be His lights here on earth.

Mark 12: The Most Important Commandment 28 One of the religion scholars came up. Hearing the lively exchanges of question and answer and seeing how sharp Jesus was in his answers, he put in his question: "Which is most important of all the commandments?"
29-31Jesus said, "The first in importance is, 'Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.' And here is the second: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' There is no other commandment that ranks with these."

And if it's true that we can't give away what we don't have....and I believe it is.....He takes care of our loving others IF we love Him first......

Merry Christmas and may His LOVE shine from within you.

Proverbs 19;Mark 11

I am awake and feeling the urgency that I feel after seeing my sin, my stubbornness, my whatever THIS time sent me reeling.... knowing that others live in sin and sometimes don't see it as well. ...knowing that I am covered in Grace His and others.....knowing that when I am in contempt either in myself or others I am not seeing anything true....knowing that this is a journey and I am bound to fail and He looks at my faithfulness on the journey, my tenacity more than my success.....feeling this morning blessed and overwhelmed with His love.

In Mark this morning the people are worshipping Him as he arrives and then they/we turn on Him......I know this, I do this......You love us still....what an a amazing God.

Proverbs 18; Mark 10

Staying home ill today, still the coughing and sneezing......

Mark 10: 13-16 The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.

vs.27 Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."

I think I try so hard and when I fail I never quite fully give up-surrender. I'm always convinced I can DO better. I can't...and the trying is so prideful and stubborn.....it's like I get there, right at the foot of the cross and the pain of seeing myself for who I really am is so painful that I raise my hand to Him who hangs there on the cross, having paid it all , I raise my hand up and run away...the point is to stay in that realization and fully grasp the forgiveness He offers. I pray to do that, to not self contemptously (pridefully) think I can do better, to not stubbornly hold on to whatever in that moment makes me think I can do it on my own....and in that pain, that searing pain ...surrender .

Proverbs 17; Mark 9

So the white stuff hasn't magically disappeared, maybe having something to do with the subzero temps right now. I am soo not a winter person, the beauty of snow is beauty in the middle of the nite when noone is out in it and all is quiet...otherwise...not a fan.

I am witnessing in my husband so much cool right now. Watching him come to the realization that God is in everything, always with him...it's enough to make a woman fall in love all over again. Thing is I never fell out of love, he's one of those guys you know....the kind that may appear one way but those of us close to them get to see the real stuff, good and bad. He's teachable right now and seeking and soft and strong in that softness like I only see when he is seeking. I don't know much but what I see and am watching in my husband is truly amazing. So this journey as hard as it gets, as confusing and messy I would give not a moment of it up to see my husband become a follower of Christ....Thank You Father for allowing me this privilege.

I wonder what lives of RISK we are going to live in the following? We're both praying right now and committed to trying to hear and in the hearing maybe we'll be responsively obedient....

Speaking of responsively obedient...I think it's definitely time to stop the blogging. I don't know what it looks like to not share here my thoughts of a morning but I think maybe I need to learn that. So if you've read here and developed your own love of Him and His word would love a parting shout out.....geez, I've blogged for like 3 years now wonder how I'll give it up.....

Proverbs 16; Mark 8

A Snow Day and working for a school district as I do ,I get all the phone calls from people displeased w/the decision to have school in the snow. Don't get me started on entitlement again....do they not think the decision is made with much deliberation and investigation and concern? People driving in calling to complain about the weather on their cell phones, making driving even more dangerous.....?? Keep the kids home, as parents we always have the right to that decision...giving the power to others and then disagreeing with the decisions.
I don't know I think blogging is about to be over for me becoming way to opinionated and verbal, when Your call is to a quiet obedience...to YOU. All the wrestling I've done is good and OK all the questions here are good and ok and yet now...knowing what I know and not living it is not ok......

I long for a purpose and a plan for my life. I believe that You have one I just haven't found it yet. I wait for others to validate my life instead of looking expectantly to You for that validation. I long to be a woman of substance and strength and get caught up and fall under my incapabilities and lack of .....see there I go, rather than reading these amazing bits of wisdom and resting on who YOU are......

Mark 8: 20"And the seven loaves for the four thousand—how many bags full of leftovers did you get?"
"Seven."
21 He said, "Do you still not get it?"

There is more than enough food in the world IF we share.......If we as followers of Christ trust in Him who provides and the sad thing is we don't.........I don't....21 He said, "Do you still not get it?"

34-37 Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?
38 "If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."

.....knowing what I know and not living it is NOT ok.....

Proverbs 15; Mark 7

So many thoughts in my head this morning....'entitlement'....GRACE...being a Spiritual Mother....change and friction and.......

Live and work like the rest of the world in broken places. In the brokenness perhaps we've tripped over Jesus but we don't know how to get up from the sprawled out place we've fallen, don't know how to accept Your grace...maybe we never have.....maybe we've forgotten...maybe we've numbed to it, begun feeling entitled to it.......

Entitlement is so isidious......I'm not sure I fully recognize it until I see it someone else and correlate it back to me and my own feelings.....

How do we as followers of Christ avoid it, stay immersed in Your Grace and operate following You?

As parents we entitle our children...we begin to feel as though 'they' are entitled to things that they're not.....BUT if we don't call it what it is we keep on doing it....We live in complicated times and are called to live lives of simplicity...how do we do that using the technology and advancements of the times and not become dependent on them leading us to feeling entitled to possess them?

I don't know just alot going on in my head and heart this morning...alot I've wrestled with for years, lost...and yet not learned.....

So today stumbling into YOUR GRACE......

Proverbs 15: 33 Fear-of-God is a school in skilled living—first you learn humility, then you experience glory. humility.....we don't deserve anything and yet Your Grace bathes us....maybe it takes our whole lives to learn this.....
Mark 7:24-30 this story always kind of bothered me and today I see her humility, she's not even supposed to know all about Jesus and she does...his own disciples sometimes didn't see or know and here in all humility she sees it all....and will take any small crumb of His grace.....no entitlement in her at all....

An heir of Christ humble........that's the simplicity of us as followers of Christ to grasp.....no entitlement......He never said it would be easy He does promise to be with us....alot to settle into today.....

this is where I'll be today.
what you don't see is .....my ass end hoppin and jumpin and twitchin

woke up w/my particular brand of crazy
spent some time w/hubs and after sharin my crazy w/him
came down to my fightin against all the time
never fightin for, always against

hearing 'follow me'
so
choosing to, w/my head in your hands

quiet down today and
follow

'you don't demand that I be successful, just faithful.'.....mother teresa

Proverbs 11; Mark 4

3-8"Listen. What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams.
9"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

It's why I blog the Bible, the Word, Scripture.....my way of planting, scattering seed......I so desire to hang out with other farmers...no Bible quoting, just hanging out with people who desire to see Him grow in others. I don't think I come across as a humble farmer in real life I think I'm more of a...I don't know how I come across. I've looked at the wake I push and tryed to change but I imagine very little actually changes in my trying...my HOPE, my prayer is that He is changing me.....a farmer, a humble farmer scattering seed.

Proverbs 10

Msg. vs. 9 Honesty lives confident and carefree, but Shifty is sure to be exposed.

Just talked about this w/a gal this morning. This new curiousity born in me came after people being...
no.....my allowing people to be curious about me....?...

So in being 'shifty' ie: w/o self awareness, simply self absorption, I was scared of what people would discover in their being curious...
and now tho honesty is not yet carefree, still too self protective .....
there is a certain amount of confidence being born in me along with the curiousity of others....???..huhhhhhh....Shifty ie: being self protective is sure to be exposed.....I don't want to be Shifty......SO I have to BE God dependent......

what is your experience with others being curious about you?

It never stops you know, Your constant attention to us......Thank You for that......

Proverbs 9

How come I am afraid to 'dream'?

Msg vs. 7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
all you'll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life,
that's different—they'll love you for it! Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God. It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens, and the years of your life ripen. Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
mock life and life will mock you.

I have slapped many......don't think I was ever a scoffer but arrogance runs deep I am sure. The humility called for is elusive and scary, vulnerability here is one thing, in the world frightens me. So I don't live free, I don't dream and Father You see this and the dreams I keep hidden I pray to pursue You here and in my dreams.....

Proverbs 8

The whole of it moving and real.
Filled with applicable truths and doable things.
Praying for others to have amazing Holy Spirit encounters and He never fails to amaze me with my own IF I am willing to see them.
So often though I get caught up in my crap and miss the wonder of Him.
Underestimating the power that He left for us to be reliant on.....
So today to remember and move as You lead.....knowing I'm gonna trail off into what I want
BUT YOU never give up on me, His relentless pursuit of us...... What an amazing God you know.....what an amazing God.

PERSEVERE I hear it.......

Proverbs 5

Intense when I want to be seen as fun
Too talkative when I want to be known as listening
Incapable when I want to be seen as capable

When does your humanness get in the way of people knowing the hope, forgiveness and love of Jesus? Tony Morgan

21 -23 Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make;
he's aware of every step you take.
The shadow of your sin will overtake you;
you'll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark.
Death is the reward of an undisciplined life;
your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.

Gotta stop fighting against the voices I hear and lean in to hear Yours. There is much in me wanting to charge around and I hear 'slow your roll'.....maybe then ......frustration this morning against , instead of trusting in what might be.

Proverbs 4

I have a group that has met once a week for like 13 years and it is 'changin'....growth = change or change = growth and not always an easy grower or changer......

Msg vs. 3-9 When I was a boy at my father's knee,
the pride and joy of my mother, He would sit me down and drill me:
"Take this to heart. Do what I tell you—live!
Sell everything and buy Wisdom! Forage for Understanding!
Don't forget one word! Don't deviate an inch! Never walk away from Wisdom—
she guards your life; love her—she keeps her eye on you.
Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!
Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!
Throw your arms around her—believe me, you won't regret it;
never let her go—she'll make your life glorious.
She'll garland your life with grace,
she'll festoon your days with beauty."

Biblically wisdom = 'fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom' Ps. 111:10;Pro.1:7;Pro. 9:10
Websters wisdom= 1 a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning : knowledge b: ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : insight c: good sense : judgment d: generally accepted belief 2: a wise attitude, belief, or course of action3: the teachings of the ancient wise men
Wiki wisdom = to much to copy click link @ Wiki

The only place I have found wisdom I can trust is through the Bible....otherwise isn't it filtered through someone else's understanding and experiences ?.... and IF I am to seek Wisdom and understanding at all costs how else to do it? If I seek anothers wisdom I am dependent on them to guide me and in that dependence I come to 'idolize' them and as for me with any and all idols as soon as they let me down I'm lost, I'm angry and .......So the wisdom I seek has to come from You and I guess what Solomon is saying here is that we do seek You...Matthew says the same thing....and I think I am finding this in my life and it is surprising the heck out of me...
so if this is true and this week I've been wondering how long I am going to read 'stuff' and not do it....this is for me today as well

vs. 23-27 Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

See, this is why I love the Word it speaks to us where we're at and it IS His Spirit guiding us and convicting and comforting us as He sees us need it....
Read it with your heart open and see where He takes you, think of it Him birthing in you passions and ....

see there I go getting carried away again and I hear in my head....'slow your roll'

Proverbs 2

Just 'twittered' coming to work with a passion...tho not for work. Sitting at a table at Panera w/women and we read the Bible...wow ...I mean what better way to start the day but with seeking hearts. Discovering with other people that it's this amazing love letter teaching us to love Him and others, showing us how far short we fall in so many areas and yet in that very realization, seeing our need for forgiveness and in the consumption of His amazing GRACE.... in that discovery and in THAT......that very consumption is ...is....this hope and passion to continue. I don't know just in this journey discovering His power and grace and mercy and love ......
We have given our small group the beginners journaling plan in a treasure map form, for them to discover the truth inside Your word. For them to take that map and seek....
I am passionate about people sitting at tables in homes, coffee shops wherever, together searching for truth, hope, grace, wisdom....within it's pages. Seeing in each other how He works...
I don't know just this morning feeling a certain passion for who You are.....

And then Ricki, look at this......

1-5 Good friend, take to heart what I'm telling you;

collect my counsels and guard them with your life.

Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom;

set your heart on a life of Understanding.

That's right—if you make Insight your priority,

and won't take no for an answer,

Searching for it like a prospector panning for gold,

like an adventurer on a treasure hunt,

Believe me, before you know it Fear-of-God will be yours;

you'll have come upon the Knowledge of God.

6-8 And here's why: God gives out Wisdom free,

is plainspoken in Knowledge and Understanding.

He's a rich mine of Common Sense for those who live well,

a personal bodyguard to the candid and sincere.

He keeps his eye on all who live honestly,

and pays special attention to his loyally committed ones.

9-15 So now you can pick out what's true and fair,

find all the good trails! Lady Wisdom will be your close friend,

and Brother Knowledge your pleasant companion.

Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,

Insight will keep an eye out for you.

They'll keep you from making wrong turns,

or following the bad directions Of those who are lost themselves

and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed,

These losers who make a game of evil

and throw parties to celebrate perversity, Traveling paths that go nowhere,

wandering in a maze of detours and dead ends.

16-19 Wise friends will rescue you from the Temptress—

that smooth-talking Seductress

Who's faithless to the husband she married years ago,

never gave a second thought to her promises before God.

Her whole way of life is doomed;

every step she takes brings her closer to hell.

No one who joins her company ever comes back,

ever sets foot on the path to real living.

20-22 So—join the company of good men and women,

keep your feet on the tried-and-true paths.

It's the men who walk straight who will settle this land,

the women with integrity who will last here. The corrupt will lose their lives;

the dishonest will be gone for good.

I am starting to wonder IF we as believers read Your Word with seeking hearts what You would do in and around us.

I am starting to believe that in the Word passions would be born and in those passions problems, if not solved, then more and more people wrapping that passion along with their gifts and talents around walking with people suffering from those problems.......

just something I am starting to wonder......

James 5

Yesterday I asked myself the question, twittered it even....Wondering how many times I can read something and still not just do it.
I hear training vs. trying...admitting I don't train for anything .....so today pulling these words out of the reading and going to ....going to what?
Well...train at them....holding them today as words to train with..praying You to guide me, that I submit/surrender to THAT guidance...
*listen...
*Be patient....
*stand firm
*Don't grumble against each other...
* persevere
*pray
*confess your sins to each other and pray for each other

Family Fun Day November

Had it yesterday and it was so much fun. We are all taking turns planning it and it centers around the kids involvement. THANK YOU Allison and Jared who were in charge this month , we had a blast!!
We made our outfits....we were either a Pilgrim or an Indian.
The Indians served the food to the P's and the P's were on clean up duty.
We made turkey's w/cookies and misc. candies.

J and A had all the paper and supplies and it was so funny watching everyone transform.

We had smoked turkey legs and corn on the cob as there were no utensils to be used!
We had a Turkey Tango competition.

We played pin the beard on the turkey
And of course there had to be some...well not vandalism this time but a certain amount of violence in that the summer noodles were discovered and used for a hilarious noodle fight!
Then we all settled down to watch the highlights of Emma carrying out her Ball Girl duties from the weekend Missouri Southern Game.
And finished the evening with Speed Scrabble.
It was a fantastic day and all are already looking forward to December.
Thanks Heather for the inspiration to do this!! Do something like this with your family you won't believe how much fun they are!!

2 Timothy 3

I woke up at 2 this morning and was not anxious ...I was grateful.... in the lying awake instead of staying there, the wrestling began. Wondering if the wrestling is a sign of ungratefulness? I am so grateful I 'get to ' wrestle......in the wrestling I lose and in the brokenness that follows I come closer and closer to truths...but are they simply my truths or Yours??

Msg vs. 10-13 You've been a good apprentice to me, a part of my teaching, my manner of life, direction, faith, steadiness, love, patience, troubles, sufferings—suffering along with me in all the grief I had to put up with in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra. And you also well know that God rescued me! Anyone who wants to live all out for Christ is in for a lot of trouble; there's no getting around it. Unscrupulous con men will continue to exploit the faith. They're as deceived as the people they lead astray. As long as they are out there, things can only get worse.
14-17 But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers—why, you took in the sacred Scriptures with your mother's milk! There's nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.

I think that's why I blog the Bible....I so desire others to be in this with me, softening ever softening to what He says.....I don't want to be one of those who uses the Word to beat others up, I want to stay soft...can I be too soft, am I called to challenge?? ...I don't want to be a freak .......and yet...and yet.... praying to live a life of RISK.....sounds pretty risky doesn't it. No wonder I wrestle.......

John 19

I'd been facetiously telling Dan all week that God was just getting too big for me....after the weekend I am seriously thanking Him for being that big and begging for it to remain this way.....
wrestling always wrestling
wondering always wondering
instead of being grateful, truly grateful.....
but maybe it's the wrestling and wondering that makes me small enough to live in what I don't understand.....

vs. 11 Jesus said, "You haven't a shred of authority over me except what has been given you from heaven. That's why the one who betrayed me to you has committed a far greater fault."

vs. 24......This confirmed the Scripture that said
vs. 28......everything had been completed so that the Scripture record might also be complete
vs. 36 These things that happened confirmed the Scripture...........

2 Timothy 2 and Thinking about Community

NIV vs.23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. 24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. 25 Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. 26 Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.
Msg God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.

So I read that and still I wrestle....
Let him who cannot be alone beware of community...Let him who is not in community beware of being alone. Deitrich Bonhoeffer from Life Together

In small group last nite a couple of guys said they felt 'safe' in our home. Guys who seem to have left their communities and come to this one. Know some who have left the community I know angry and bitter...some who leave who aren't.... but I think... hell I don't know what I think...

What is community if not a place where people know you and your struggles......is it good that they feel safe or should we be challenging them? How do you challenge someone in love? Can you challenge another too much? Can you make another too comfortable?

I was looking for community...I know or think I know what community can do in and for a journey...but really in all seriousness.....I don't know anything anymore but that doesn't negate the tension that comes up when I think on these issues...Larry Crabb says 'brokenness is admitting you were wrong'.....I think I am becoming broken about what I think community is.

These are the questions in my heart this morning. So of course I will be wrestling with Him about it but wondering if you wouldn't here let me know what your ideas about community are. I guess asking you to admit your brokenness in this area as well...maybe together in our brokenness He will guide us.....

John 18

what an immense privilege it is to be allowed into another's life.
what an awesome experience

chaos in marriage
marriage in chaos

God is wayyy bigger than the chaos
He knows the chaos and waits for us in brokenness to turn to Him

brokenness=knowing I'm wrong

what an amazing God He is

Msg. vs. 36"My kingdom," said Jesus, "doesn't consist of what you see around you. If it did, my followers would fight so that I wouldn't be handed over to the Jews. But I'm not that kind of king, not the world's kind of king."

1 Timothy 6

It's not about running away this morning, it's about sticking with the right thing for the right reasons........

20-21 And oh, my dear Timothy, guard the treasure you were given! Guard it with your life. Avoid the talk-show religion and the practiced confusion of the so-called experts. People caught up in a lot of talk can miss the whole point of faith.
Overwhelming grace keep you!

Give me strength Father to stick......what I've been given...I didn't FIND it ,YOU found me...overwhelming GRACE.....

Psalm 40

Met with a couple last nite, just had twin boys. Adorable and alot of work. I wonder how to help someone find You in the stress of life? I wonder if I am supposed to? I wonder if I trusted YOU completely how You wouldn't work in every relationship? Met with a gal this morning, alot like me our personalities....I wonder if we could see out of our own filters what you would show us? I wonder if we trusted You in relationships rather than our own ways of relating?
Prone to wondering alot, remembering life without You and yet still living my life without trusting You completely, and this morning that makes me sad, what would it look like to live naked and surrendered abandoned totally to You.......
what would it look like IF I did, you know, TRUST You completely?

And then THIS today.....
A David Psalm 1-3 I waited and waited and waited for God.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch,
pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock
to make sure I wouldn't slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
a praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.
4-5 Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God,
turn your backs on the world's "sure thing," ignore what the world worships;
The world's a huge stockpile of God-wonders and God-thoughts.
Nothing and no one comes close to you!
I start talking about you, telling what I know, and quickly run out of words.
Neither numbers nor words account for you.
6 Doing something for you, bringing something to you—
that's not what you're after.
Being religious, acting pious—
that's not what you're asking for.
You've opened my ears so I can listen.
7-8 So I answered, "I'm coming.
I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party you're throwing for me."
That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.
9-10 I've preached you to the whole congregation,
I've kept back nothing, God—you know that.
I didn't keep the news of your ways a secret, didn't keep it to myself.
I told it all, how dependable you are, how thorough.
I didn't hold back pieces of love and truth
For myself alone. I told it all, let the congregation know the whole story.
11-12 Now God, don't hold out on me, don't hold back your passion.
Your love and truth are all that keeps me together.
When troubles ganged up on me, a mob of sins past counting,
I was so swamped by guilt I couldn't see my wayclear.
More guilt in my heart than hair on my head, so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.
13-15 Soften up, God, and intervene; hurry and get me some help,
So those who are trying to kidnap my soul will be embarrassed and lose face,
So anyone who gets a kick out of making me miserable will be heckled and disgraced,
So those who pray for my ruin will be booed and jeered without mercy.
16-17 But all who are hunting for you— oh, let them sing and be happy.
Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting.
And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me.
You can do it; you've got what it takes— but God, don't put it off.

so today ......no guilt....just naked awareness.....and in the awareness comes many tears, pain for others.....am I to sing and be happy when so many around are suffering ?

1 Timothy 4

Sitting at Panera this morning once again recognizing the 'urgency', an urgency that comes up in me regularly. An urgency to see everyone in heaven.....recognizing that the urgency is not attractional and praying , wondering how to live such a life as to draw others to the journey.....

Msg. vs. 11-14 Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed—keep that dusted off and in use.
15-16 Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation.

Cultivate these things.....I have no teaching gifts, struggle daily with how to speak....what to say, how to say it.....there's no trust, no faith in those moments, it's me trying all sorts of ways to BE different....

Knowing that as a sheep of YOUR pasture I am protected and in that protection, that love, love others,all others.....by faith (a gift).....I don't know and in the urgency I generally over think....so today.....immersed in YOUR love.....see what happens.

Friday's reading... vs. 17 If you understand what I'm telling you, act like it—and live a blessed life.

John 15

Happy Birthday Dara

Today is my middle child's birthday.
She of an incredible softness, strength, intelligence.....
She of a strong will.
She of a heart that's been damaged.
She of big dreams and actively seeking them.
She is an amazing woman, sometimes so strong as to be intimidating and yet to know her and her heart you are drawn.
She exudes light and sometimes is completely unaware of how powerful it is.
She is beautiful yes and broken.
No more or less than another.
I am so grateful to have been her Mom and grateful of where He is taking her.
Today I thank God for the privilege of having had the opportunity to parent her and pray she follows where He leads. I am grateful to know her period....
Today I THANK GOD for her....will spend alot of the day IN THAT GRATITUDE.

Msg vs. 4 "Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

John 13

vs. 17 If you understand what I'm telling you, act like it—and live a blessed life.

vs. 34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Wow huh....simple, not easy...His whole series on the Holy Spirit....gotta stop trying in and under my own power when His is so readily offered. Wow


vs. 17 If you understand what I'm telling you, act like it—and live a blessed life. ...wow

Psalm 86

When are we responsible for 'how' someone hears us?

I know 'their response is their responsibility' and I truly get that, most of the time. I am still wondering as followers of the most Amazing God, of Christ when do we become responsible for how we are heard?

In looking back and for 'spiritual milestones', markers on my journey I get stuck in how am I ever going to explain. And maybe I'm not supposed to, maybe I am simply to live....and I believe our story is our story and yet HOW our story could impact someone for YOUR kingdom...just seems to lay a responsiblity at our feet for learning to tell our story? I don't know just some stuff rumbling around my heart and brain this morning. Watching and praying to love others...ALL OTHERS and realizing how far short of that I fall......

And then WOW what a comforting Psalm.....comforting because I have been to the foot of the cross and seen my sin? Comforting in that I know You from reading Your word? Comforting in that more and more the resting with my head in Your hands, trusting the chaos and mess around me that YOU are in it? I don't know I just know this morning You ... vs. 5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. 6 Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. 7 I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble, and you will answer me.

And then the whole of Romans 8:26....such comfort this morning. 26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

So if to tell of my markers is to glorify You why am I afraid to list them? This journey is real folks and the Holy Spirit guides us, question becomes I guess, am I really willing to follow?

Colossians 1

‘slow your roll’…that’s what I hear this morning…:)

Msg. vs. 15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.

"Here is God's leadership model: He chooses fools to live foolishly in order to reveal the economy of heaven, which reverses and inverts the wisdom of this world. He calls us to brokeness, not performance; to relationships, not commotion; to grace, not success."- Leading with a Limp (p.55) by Dan B. Allender, PhD

‘slow your roll’…that’s what I hear this morning…:)

John 11

A seeking heart HE never denies....I believe that and saying it to a hungry heart this morning....just WOW.

And a seeking heart takes faith and faith is a gift from God....hmmm

Hebrews 11:6 So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

Matthew 7: 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.

Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him.

Just the first things on my mind this morning. Well that and figuring out how to give away the journey.....how to help people come to know You..... pinching myself HARD as I watch this.

The disciples witnessing so many miracles always seemed to need more.....vs. 35 Jesus wept.....

And then I read her....
Anyway, my friend here wants to have Sunday dinner (although we had it at supper time) and I think that's fantabulous. Back in NC, as an adult, a group of about 10 of us decided to have Sunday dinner once a month. A few people would bring instruments and we would sit around after the meal and sing and talk and have a good time. I miss that.

She doesn't believe in God, so please don't go and bother her....but what she wrote here touched me....the simplicity of it...the lack of ulterior motives....the beauty of it...why the heck am I crying....???

Ecc. 3

Such a depressing read....
No hope in Christ?
Can't have the hope until we have the NEED for Him.....
Can't have the peace until we have the Hope in Him.....
There is alot weird around me right now...I use that term alot without explanation....
I fight too much against the voices I HEAR rather than concentrating.....hopefully...peacefully on the voice I NEED to hear....

vs. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Psalm 84

from Monday, January 07, 2008 excerpt from THE SHACK by Phillip P Young

“ But, what you said. I mean about hiding inside lies. I guess I’ve done that one way or another most of my life”“Honey, you’re a survivor. No shame in that. Your daddy hurt you something fierce. Life hurt you. Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it’s a dark place isn’t it?”

“So dark, “ Mack muttered with a shake of his head.
“But are you willing to give up the power and safety it promises you? That’s the question.”
“What do you mean?” asked Mack.
“Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are the justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies.”
“But the reason I didn’t tell Nan about the note was because it would have caused her so much hurt.”
“See, there you go . Mackenzie, justifying yourself. What you said is a bold faced lie, but you can’t see it. Do you want me to tell you what the truth is?”
Mack knew Papa was going to go deep and somewhere inside he was both relieved to be talking about this and tempted to almost laugh out loud. He was no longer embarrassed by it. “No-o-o-o,” he drew his answer out slowly and smirked up at Papa. “ But go ahead anyway.”
Papa smiled back and then grew serious.
“The truth is Mack, the real reason you did not tell Nan was not because you were trying to save her from pain. The real reason is that you were afraid of having to deal with the emotions you might encounter, both from her and in yourself. Emotions scare you, Mack. You lied to protect yourself, not her!”
He sat back. Papa was absolutely right.
“And furthermore, such a lie is unloving. In the name of caring about her, your lie became an inhibitor in your relationship with her , and in her relationship with me. If you had told her, maybe she would be here with us right now.”
Papa's words hit Mack like a punch in the stomach. “You wanted her to come, too?”
"That was your decision and hers, if she had ever been given the chance to make it. The point is, Mack, you don’t know what would have happened because you were so busy protecting Nan."

vs. 11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;

the LORD bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Philippians 3

1 Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.
2 Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. 3 For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— 4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.
7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17 Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I may be an angry person (new revelation today)...there will always BE new revelations to ME...none to YOU.....I have no confidence in the flesh....I am tried out.....12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.....

John 4

inside and out

YOU know us inside and out
YOU love us inside and out

Motivate in THAT love
Live a life of RISK because YOU know us and love us
know me
love me

Quit hiding
Quit self-protecting
What passion is waiting to BE released in that kind of worship?

vs. 23-24 "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

WOW
ouch
WOW
whoa

Esther 4

I wanted this day to pass and just wake up and IT be over. I am afraid to vote, how STUPID (sorry Emma she believes this is a bad word) is that? To vote today means I believe in one of the candidates and I don't. I don't want SP to BE president I want her to BE A MOM to her children, undistracted by the issues of our government. I don't think either one of them can really make any difference....I don't TRUST either one of the candidates and voting for the "lesser of 2 evils" sounds STUPID to me...I have HATED the tone of both campaigns.....so there's my confusion this morning. My inability to cast my vote and yet I am going to go and TRY.....in praying about it I can't hear a thing.....just me not listening or it really it isn't that important in the GRAND SCHEME of things??
Like I needed anything else to confuse me today...

vs. 12-14 .........To keep silent is wrong......

But what is my voice to say?

Philippians 2

12-13 What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.



I don't get it....or maybe I get it and forget......?? I KNOW childlike is want you desire and I more naturally lean to childishness....



Check out Gabe here, he had just lost @Musical Chairs and threw himself on the ground in a fit... I wonder if that is not what I look like to God though not nearly as cute, way more stubborn and uncute...don't get me wrong I imagine He's more brokenhearted at my stubbornness....... but for purposes here I think I may be yet again coming out of a FIT and His grace, His energy deep in me keeps me going......working at what will give him the most pleasure....

First Ever Family Fun Day

THANKS Heather ....this was our first family fun nite and it was FUN. It was a time to celebrate the kids and BE KIDS. We kinda ...sorta.....dreeeew out Halloween a couple more days and all wore our costumes. There was a Scarecrow, the Evil Emperor Zurg, a Poodle, a Kitty Cat, a couple of clusters of grapes and 'assault and battery'......get it, a salt and battery.... oh and note Remy the rat...on my chef's hat as I am Linguini ........and the weather, the weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! Emma and Gabe and I had fun all day getting everything ready.... Emma is already quite the party planner.
We played some Pumpkin, Pumpkin, Ghost.

Whacked a pinata'

Played musical chairs.
wrapped mummies..... (click on the photo for detail)

ate some of the most ghoulish food....a kitty litter cake, mummy dogs, candy corn pizza, bat wings and swamp dip, eyeballs and apples and caramels. Of course there was apple cider!

Oh yeah as soon as me and Papa had our backs turned they got totally out of hand!!
Toilet papering our yard, while we were laughing so hard we couldn't even speak! It was a really good time and we plan on doing it monthly, minus vandalizing our yard!! Here's more pics if you're interested and thanks again Heather for the inspiration and I highly recommend taking your family into the same!!

Ephesians 6

All I can see is what I can't do...please Father give me a hope for what I can...

Today I want to run away
Today I need to stay

The confusion is rife and wicked
I hear it cannot be You
So how do I find clarity, when all around I sense pain

So what is clarity?
How do we live without it?
Is it a life focusing on You that brings it or does it simply bring an ability to live in the confusion without confusing others?

Msg. vs. 10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
13-18 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Mark 16

Had the day off yesterday and probably worked harder than I do at my actual job. It was a good day with my husband and we got alot of cleaning done for the Fall Clean UP. Where you set things out on the curb with the guarantee that either someone will look at your junk as treasure and take it OR the garbage man WILL TAKE IT FOR SURE. Felt good to clear out junk, actually remove stuff from the basement and garage.

Clearing out junk....I have alot inside to clear out and see some progress but as soon as I see it, I see another pile of junk to get out. Amazing daughter Lynz today rattled my world with a simple change of wording....'why shouldn't they' to 'why wouldn't they'....such a small word change and yet a real thought change.....gonna give me some good stuff to wrestle with today...

vs. 4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away....God did it, does it...

vs. 8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

He still said....vs. 15 He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.

Ephesians 5

Good stuff here this morning....

and then the question I am in the middle of why…..where did I get the idea we/I was ‘entitled’ to that ‘happy ending’….??...watching that get ripped away from people sucks, or just figuring out that life is messy..... but then I come back to the wondering of why the hell did I think they/we were ever entitled to it, a life without mess ……??

msg vs. 1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

.....maybe IF I knew how to love like that... see I don't see any 'entitlement' here...it's all about loving and giving everything without expecting or 'feeling entitled' to anything in return.....much in this chapter to wrestle with today and REST in. He loves us why is that never enough....???

niv vs. 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

so today give thanks.....
8:35 am that I have a Father who gave me this love-letter/treasure map when I become so obsessed with me, reminds me what is important.....so I am thankful for His word
I am thankful for my husband...my children, my children's significant others....my grandchildren....
I am thankful for our extended families
I am thankful for my friends
I am thankful for my church
I am thankful that God IS creative enough to have made us have seasons because IF I had it my way it would be 85 and sunny all the time. And though I hate to admit it, right now is a gorgeous time of year...
I am thankful for my job
8:50 am
I am thankful for bloggers who encourage
bloggers who inspire
bloggers who are so honest and naked
bloggers who challenge
bloggers who constantly entertain me, she cooks too.
9:30 am
I am thankful that God gives me chance after chance and never leaves or gives up on me
10:15 am
I am thankful I work at a place where Kids are #1
I am thankful for comments that encourage me
I am thankful for coffee, it's cold here today and that helps to warm me
I am thankful for days off...tomorrow (have to go to the Dr. but still after that whoo hoo)
10:45 am
I am thankful my kids know the value of a journey
I am thankful Dara is coming home for Christmas
I am thankful Heather shared about her family fun nites and inspired me to try it with my family.
I am thankful we are having a Halloween Party Sunday nite. Emma and I are secretly planning.
11:30 am
I am thankful this stinkin election is almost over
I am thankful that people tell their stories and that I am given the privilege to listen
I am thankful for left-overs for lunch and a break to go home and enjoy them
I am thankful I live and serve in a community of people that desperately want to follow Christ, we screw up, often.... but that THAT is our driving force makes me very grateful...
I am thankful for our motorcycle...memories of our trips make me happy
12:30 pm
..........my son just dropping by my work....I am thankful for his smile
1:45 pm
did i mention I am thankful for my job...
getting out of the building, going home for lunch
2:30 pm
I am thankful my husband in on such an amazing journey, just thinking about him brings a smile to my face.
I am thankful my Grandkids are healthy and so full of life and humor.
I am thankful we have a home and are attempting to live within our means after years of living oblivious and over it.
I am thankful God continues to place people in my life who encourage and challenge and inspire
I am thankful for churches who wake people up to the fact that life IS NOT ABOUT US
I am thankful for people who don't just dream BUT DO things to help others
....after being on vacation riding on the motorcycle on incredible roads cut through and around mountains, I am thankful for the people who knew how to do such things. And for the wisdom of those who know how to get them paid for. We live in an incredible country. Oh and Mt. Rushmore WOW thankful for the people God gave incredible artistic gifts to, not limited to any area of art I am blown away by other people's creativity...and by His. Have you seen the Grand Canyon, really looked at a peacock....
btw I am thankful I have been to Kauai.....where this shot was taken.
I am thankful to be able to travel by motorcycle. Thankful that my husband is such an amazing rider and wonderful travel companion. Did I mention I am thankful for my husband..
I am thankful for all the servicemen overseas and for their families here who miss them. I am more than grateful for those who find it a calling to serve in this way.

Mark 15

I am disappointed this morning.
disappointed that people are / have been hurt
disappointed that people hurt other people, that I hurt people, that I have been hurt
disappointed that everyone is so about themselves that the cycle won’t end
disappointed that I am all about me
disappointed that I am so impatient to see You work
disappointed that in that impatience I miss seeing You work
disappointed that we who profess to love Christ make no difference in the world, no,that's not true, disappointed that I make no difference in the world, in the relationships I am in the middle of, being so much about me
disappointed that I remain an emotional child when it comes to relationships
disappointed that I am so scared of my emotional responses I don't relate well to others disappointed that labels sting, that I have stung and been stung
disappointed that this never seems to change
disappointed that we can’t hear each other, that I have not heard nor been heard
disappointed that I care so much about what others think
disappointed that THAT drives me more than a desire to love
disappointed that I profess to know Him, to have his love letter and refuse to trust Him
disappointed that I talk RISK and look for safety
disappointed that I think I deserve to feel safe
disappointed and broken this morning….just very disappointed and broken and praying to stay this way and yet fighting it every step of the way
And then this morning the reading is Mark 15
I am disappointed I don't know what I would have done if I had been there.......
So to live in the disappointments. Not dwell in them LIVE in them, moving always towards You and the HOPE of Christ......

http://brownbagrevolution.com/ find a way to be a part of this or start it in your own community.

Ephesians 2

Read your love letter....
Dig out your treasure map....
Discover your passion......
Getting all caught up in what I believe trying to encourage in others what I am simply supposed to live. I write here in the hopes someone who is lost, feeling lost, discovering they want to be found begin a journey.
God does the saving vs. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
So now to simply live what I believe.......22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.

Mark 8

If our passions are from God we can trust our passions....I think ER McManus said something like this and this morning I am pondering/wrestling with it.

My passion is wanting other people to FIND their passions. And if the above is true then it must be something accomplishable or at least worth putting all my energy behind. I have a heart for hurting women, for people who've been hurt. My passion says IF they seek YOU they will find healing for their hearts, they will discover their passions. I have a belief that the bible is a valuable tool, an actual love letter, a tangible TREASURE MAP to that discovery. And it's your treasure, He's a creative personal God who gave you a passion that is different than mine. Might be that our passions work together but this God, our amazing FATHER is creative and big enough to have given each person their very own and THAT passion is going to work to bring Him glory.... I think I am supposed to live out that belief....I wonder,ponder, wrestle with the truth in that belief.

msg vs.

34-37 Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

38"If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."

I wonder, ponder, wrestle because I am not willing to follow.....I insist on like a child running ahead and You clearly say FOLLOW and what that will cost.

And in the mess of pondering comes all these emotions....

I need a friend to call me right now and tell me it’s gonna be ok...I need someone to love me even when I am weird.....I need someone to love me because I am weird...I need to cry and someone to let me.....I need to feel accepted......I need to feel valued and affirmed, like I'm not so far off track as to be worthless....
That’s what I am this morning a mess of emotions and emotions pass right? And if you called or comment to say any of what I think I need I wouldn't believe you....
And He’s saying rest in me….follow me….surrender to me....not a word speaking to what I need or maybe that IS what I need and I want the other……

1 Samuel 17

This promise of intimacy is both right and wrong. There is an intimacy with God, but it's like any other intimacy; it's part of the fabric of your life. In marriage you don't feel intimate most of the time. Nor with a friend. Intimacy isn't primarily a mystical emotion. It's a way of life, a life of openness, honesty, a certain transparency………Eugene Peterson

I keep reading this quote and being alternately inspired and challenged by it. The way my husband and I are living right now seems to be bringing us this intimacy. There are coming to be more opportunities to discuss where God is in our lives. Is that because we are seeking Him or just an overall maturity read: age and experience thing. We don’t know, what we do know is bringing Him more and more into the center of our lives has created so many amazing challenges, challenging relationships, relational opportunities. Bringing Him more…that sounds ridiculous as what we are learning is HE THE CENTER, always has been always will be…but you get what I mean or don’t……

45-47 David answered, "You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel's troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I'm about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there's an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn't save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he's handing you to us on a platter!"

David’s confidence, a result of his intimacy with God??
The battle belongs to God that’s for sure but it is still ours now to….fight?
I don’t know….fight sounds so combative…if You are a God of love how do we fight, do we fight…..
I long to have answers and find only more questions but the questions sure do take me to seeking You and in that seeking, developing that intimacy, confidence in You grows……
I pray to be like David ready to do what YOU ask.
I pray to live eyes wide open moving and without blinking respond.
I pray to in recognizing fear overcome it..??..I don't know I simply know that seeking You and Your word makes me want 'it' more and more.....

here's someone who doesn't blink......

Galatians 6

So this morning...

I can't describe it no matter how much I want to. To try, minimizes what You are trying to do. And boy do You know how badly I want to describe it.......but more than THAT I want to be a part of what YOU are trying to do in my husband, in me.

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

4-5 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6 Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

7-8 Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

9-10 So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.

11-13 Now, in these last sentences, I want to emphasize in the bold scrawls of my personal handwriting the immense importance of what I have written to you. These people who are attempting to force the ways of circumcision on you have only one motive: They want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ's suffering and death. All their talk about the law is gas. They themselves don't keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe. They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible!

14-16 For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can't you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them!

17 Quite frankly, I don't want to be bothered anymore by these disputes. I have far more important things to do—the serious living of this faith. I bear in my body scars from my service to Jesus.

18 May what our Master Jesus Christ gives freely be deeply and personally yours, my friends. Oh, yes!

Jeff as usual says it so well. If you haven't read his book do so.....seriously read it and pass it around. This journey is meant to be shared.

Mark 4

Went to bed 'annoyed' last nite.....annoyed and tired and feeling drained.....and the correct answer is 'all about me'.....hubs told me I am much more attractive NOT ANNOYED, he was kidding 'sort of'.......so today how to find joy again....how to find forgiveness and perserverance and You again......because You didn't, don't leave......

So to read about the disciples walking w/Jesus, being taught by Him and their failure to 'get it' His calling them to vs. 9"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

I am just fatigued and annoyed today......how now to make that about face and be forgiven.....

vs. 10-12 When they were off by themselves, those who were close to him, along with the Twelve, asked about the stories. He told them, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom—you know how it works. But to those who can't see it yet, everything comes in stories, creating readiness, nudging them toward receptive insight. These are people— Whose eyes are open but don't see a thing, Whose ears are open but don't understand a word, Who avoid making an about-face and getting forgiven."

1 Samuel 3

msg. vs.10.......Samuel answered, "Speak. I'm your servant, ready to listen."

Ready to listen...am I ? Are you?

Already had a couple of conversations IF I wasn't ready to listen I would have missed. I don't want to freakin listen you know I want to be listened to......and there it is, the truth and the more I see it, the more that selfishness breaks my heart.... perhaps the better I LEARN TO LISTEN...