Fate and Looking Back

I have so many drafts under my posts that I won't even bother to count.  But every once in a while I look back and read what I have written.  Look to see if anything has changed.  I wrote this post back in February.  I don't know why I never hit - publish post.  I don't know why I don't make decisions more often - set goals - move forward. 

Fate?

Do you believe in fate? I say that I do, but then something happens that makes me question it. If I had made this choice this would have happened, but if I made a different choice this would have happened. Now, some call the choice fate; but right here right now, I am thinking it was all in that one decision.

I think that there are many forks in the road and that most times we stop at the fork and decide what is best for us at the time. We weigh our choices and gather advise, but when it all comes down to it, we just make a decision. I chose my fate many times, and in hind sight would have chosen the other road. I would have gone with my gut feeling, my intuition. So many times I have gone against that. I knew in my heart that the other road was the right one, but still chose the one that my head said to take.

I think we can grow and change until the day we die. I don't believe in the old saying, "You can't teach a new dog new tricks." I think that we can make that decision that our intuition is telling us to make and change our fate.

Letter to Self - One Little Word

For the month of April the assignment for One Little Word is to write a letter to yourself.  The letter should comprise of where you are now and where you want to be this time next year.  Since April 1 there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about this letter.

What I would write would be scary.  What I would write would encompass a lot of change.  What I would write would make some people unhappy.  But I can't write what I really "would" do, because then it will make it real.  If I put it in writing, it will mean that I will have to make those changes.  I have to make those decision.  It would be real.

I know what I should do.  I know what I want to write.  I know that although the road I "would" chose wouldn't be an easy on, it would be better than where I am now.  Still, I am going to have to figure out where I want to be this time next year, because I know it won't be were I really want to be.

My Life Could be a Sitcom - #2

I know that my life is pretty ordinary. I know that others struggle with the same things that I do. But there are days that I wonder what happened to my stars? Was there a asteroid that made my stars fall out of alignment? What pray tell happened?

Today started as a great day. As a matter of fact, I intended to post about my great morning. I was going to tell you that today my Girl Child got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed her teeth without incident. I was going to tell you about my method of waking her up this morning, but that will have to be another post.

Oh, wait I almost forgot to mention the dead mice in my car and the smell that made me gag this morning. I asked my older Boy Child if he thought it was just musty (it has been raining for days) or if it was the smell of death. He quietly replied, "It's definitely death."  But again, that will be another post.

So today nothing was going to get me down. My plan was to "Stay Calm and Carry On." For the most part, my plan worked out.

Until bathtime.

I overheard my little Boy Child tell my Girl Child that he has a wiggly eye in his ear. Yes, you read that right. A wiggly eye in his ear!!! So, I went to inquire.

"What do you mean you have a wiggly eye in your ear?" I asked.

His response - "I told you I could hear a clock in my ear this morning."

WHAT??

Little Boy Child is prone to ear infections and just finished an antibiotic for one yesterday, so I just chalked it up to that.  I didn't ask him if he actually had a clock in his ear.  Who would think he had any foreign object in his ear!

My goodness! So, I took a look and low and behold there was a wiggly eye in his ear!! I called the pediatrician to see if it was something that could wait until the morning or if they suggested I go to the ER. They suggested the ER, so off we went.

I went to Urgent Care thinking that it was the same as an Emergency Room, but it wasn't. They were very ill equipped to handle a wiggly eye in an ear and actually pushed it further into his ear canal.

On top of being ill equipped, the doctor said to my Little Boy Child (who is 6) that he needed to stop "dancing around" so they could get it out! The poor child was crying, coughing, and shaking, because the pain was so bad. It didn't hurt when we got there, but obviously trying to get it out would cause discomfort. I decided to leave and wait to see the ENT in the morning when the doctor suggested putting superglue on the end of a paperclip!!

I am not kidding you.

Superglue on the end of a paperclip!!

Tell me that my life couldn't be a sitcom! Do you ever have days that you think your life could be the next Jerry Seinfeld sitcom?

Daily Happiness

I started writing my Daily Happiness on the sidebar on Friday, April 1.  I quickly found out that it would end up taking up too much room on the sidebar, so I will just post them as regular posts with the tag "Daily Happiness."  I hope that just noting "one little" event a day will help change my focus from looking for contentment to feeling the joy!

April 1 - My kids played jokes on each other. My 6 year old decided to offer my 11 year old some whipped cream (of course there were pickles under it!) LOL

April 2 - Went Spring shopping with my 9 year old girl child. We were having fun, until she ditched me for a play date. Just kidding! I got to go to the gym, which I love to squeeze in whenever I can!

April 3 - Watched several episodes of Cake Boss with my girl child (even the boys stopped to watch now and then) and then she made a cake creation with a little bit of help from me.

April 4 - One of my favorite things to do with my kids is read. I love cuddling up and bed and reading with/to them. Tonight I got to read with each one of them individually. We read It's Hard to be a Bunny; Diary of a Wimpy Kid; and the second Percy Jackson, The Sea of Monsters. It is such a great way to end the day! They read every night, but when I have the opportunity to spend time with each one of them it is wonderful.

Thank You

Thanks to all the ladies who stopped by and those who left comments.  It really makes me smile to know that the inspiring comments are left by woman that I have never met.  Truly kind and truly inspiring!

I am learning each and every day to think of life as a journey rather than a means to an end. 

The last few years have been difficult and I feel like I am ruining the most precious years of my children's lives.  Some of the things are out of my control, while others are ones that I just need to make a decision.  I contemplate too much.  I worry about the pros and cons of each and every decisions that I need to make.

I feel like I am missing what is supposed to be the best years of my life.  The happiest moments.  The days that are supposed to be filled with laughter, yet are filled with tears.

I am trying to change that.  I am trying to change the dynamic of  my family.  I am trying to be hopeful.

I am....simply.....just trying. 

So, my One Little Word project will hopefully keep me on track.  It will be a constant reminder of what I set out to do this year, even if I don't "finish" the assignments.  Even if my "shoulds" are too big.  Even if I do nothing other than try to make things better. 

At least I can't say I didn't do anything.