Muster.Your.Courage

Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday, April 27, 2009

Lo and Behold! My first blog entry in 2009.

I was just reading my old entries and the first thought that came into my mind was ‘Wow. Did I really write all that? It sounds almost… insightful.”

Clearly, my months of doing nothing but putting around at home has mashed up my brains. Heck, I can feel brain matter dribble out of my ears even as I type. Oh look! It’s flowing to my marble floor now - all grey and liquid-y. The mother’s going to kill me.

Ok, that was a little bit too descriptive…even for me.

School’s out and I’m not talking about holidays. I’ve finally graduated (or rather, going to do it officially in 3 weeks’ time) and am a proud holder of a diploma. Mind you, it was an arduous journey getting to the end point. My time in the course and certainly taught me a lot, especially in my dealings with uncooperative group mates and impending deadlines. For one thing, I have survived the worst and have emerged with a better understanding of my working style and self.

And the best part, I’ve gotten a bonus too! Yours truly has managed to crawl (for the lack of a better word) her way into Directors’ Honors’ List! (Top 10% of the cohort). Happyhappyjoyjoy! You’ll be pleased to know that I was NOT the last on that list. That would be Sarah Ling.

Who says one can’t have her cake and eat it?
Well, mine is vanilla pudding flavored with cherry and rainbow sprinkles on! (Beat that!)

“So, what are you plans for the future?”
“Have you signed up for any universities yet?”
“Are you going to start working?’ … are just some of the questions I get from the concerned folks around me.

At first, I replied them with the usual drawl; Yes.. I’ve applied to all three universities. No.. I would only consider working if I don’t enter into a local university.”

And then those idiots kept asking me the bloody same questions. I feel like writing some placards and handing them out one by one.

Call me uncaring but I hate repeating myself more than once… unless you matter to me.

The weather’s so warm and hot and humid. Goodness! Makes me want to strip and walk around the house all day… or at least until the parent/s come home.

People! You are all thinning the ozone layer! Do something good today. Save us all from the perils of the cancer inducing, skin sagging, hurtful UV rays!

(Why am I speaking as though I have actual people reading my blog?)

On a more ‘it’s all about me’ note, my birthday’s coming up!
I’m not expecting a lot this year since I’ve made it through the oh-so-magical 2-1 but I’m not ashamed of listing down what I want as gifts. If no one gives me anything from the list, all the more reasons (and excuses!) for me to pamper myself!

1. Black Mascaras (Diorshow, Estee Lauder)
2. Vouchers to Urban Outfitters.com or Shopbop.com
3. Loewe Bag
4. Juicy Couture Tracksuits
5. My driving license
6. A brand new car

… okay, before I continue with the list, I’ve come to realize I can only afford none but only the first. Let’s set some realistic gifts, shall we?

1. Mascaras
2. Hugo Boss Perfume
3. Dresses (notice the plural)
4. Lingerie (matching sets, pretty plu-ease?)

Yay! A pragmatic gift list for thyself!
Notice how I’m actually quite materialistic? Heh heh…

Let’s hope this year’s birthday will be memorable and that people will celebrate it for me instead of me doing all the planning and calling like my 2-1. Wait, wasn’t it the mother who did all the calling? Hmmm…

It's all about Me.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Got a new blog skin. Do you fancy it?
Doesn't matter. I like it enough.

My internship is finally over. Who knew 6 months could be so excruciating? I wasn't kidding when I said that the management sucked but that's all in the past now.

Another chapter closed.

School term starts today.
Truth to be told, I was extremely upset when I saw my timetable. Not only will I be separated from my clique, I feel like some charity case. On top of that, the projects this semester are a sure-kill. (Okay, enough of self-pity. Life goes on..)

I've formally signed up for French classes at Alliance Francais and I have every intention to finish elementary level. Watch.me.

It's all about Me.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I've just received my time table for this semester.

It's gonna to be a helluva long ride for me.

It's all about Me.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

It's been long since I've posted. In fact, it has been long since I've typed anything and I suspect my ability in constructing proper, full sentences is dwindling away.
Ok, so who's one for drama? I know I am.

Work's fine but the people in there suck. Or at least, the two 'management' people sucked.

He is in his mid-forties and should be in the pinnacle of his career but he's reduced to finding 'a sense of belonging in the company'. To achieve that, he priorities work above all else, throw aways his weekends and does OT after 6pm. Resulting in the inability to stand up for himself. Instead, he's reports the most minute things to the dentures hag, who then reports to the bosses.

Which leaves us, the common folk, to bear the blunt.

Talk about mico-managing. My other colleague invented a whole new concept. According to him, it's no longer 'micro' but 'nano'.

Everything is so surreal. Disgustingly surreal. In fact, it's almost hilarious.

Bottom line is, I really HATE this company and how they managed people but I've noticed a trend.

The more 'power' you weld, the more you can get away with things.
The more 'power' you attain, the uglier you get (both psychologically and physically).
More power = more insecurity therefore you feel the need to gain control over others.

However, there's no way out of this shit-hole I'm assigned to. Only have to grit my teeth and finish it. Somehow, my other motto now is "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger".

On a lighter note, I've actually started to exercise.. if only a bit.
I've been climbing up the 48 flights of stairs to home. omg, how the lungs burn but it feels damn good when I've reached the top. Colleagues have been telling me it's good cardio workout.

I've just had my blood test a week ago and all my cholesterol levels are doing well. In fact, I was rather shock that my HDL is high; must be all that salmon. The doc has started me on a new medication. They claim it's effective but I'll be fat.

That's the only thing that's stopping me from actually eating my first dosage. At least I'm doing legal drugs and not methyl or K. If I get killed, I still have insurance to cover me. Speaking of which, I don't know what made me want to get a policy in the first place but something just clicked in my head. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 21 years old. I now posses the key to adulthood (and freedom) AND the right to vote but I see the latter as redundant since PAP always rule. Then again, I simply cannot be bother with politics so what the hay... it's my duty. Also, I heard you need to pay a fine if you've skipped your vote.

My, oh my... what a lengthy entry.

Oh yes, I've stopped spree-ing. I realized I have been overspending . No, actually the reason why I overspent is because I know it's going to be my last spree so I took the opportunity as an excuse to buy all I want to 'save' money on shipping. Ha! Talk about irony.

It's all about Me.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Yups! It's about time I change the blog's layout. While Gackt may be sexy (he still is, mind you!), he'll never be mine! *Bleh! This layout's waaay too cute to give it a miss.

Internship's coming up really soon. 6 months of internship at a place I know not. Posting results are out on the 27th March and I doubt it's going to be anything good because I haven't been asked for any interviews while some of my other classmates have. Hm.. Oh wells. I've been telling myself, even if my ~~FUCKING BIAS~~ lecturers were to post me to some ~~shitty-ass~~ place, I'll just suck it up and finish the 6 months. Hopefully, I'll end up with a really good grade. That's all I hope for now

Results coming out in 4days, can't wait. (I swear, I think I'm the only one who wants to know her results while my other friends dread it.)

Been doing quite a bit during the holidays. Spent a day at the Singapore Zoo followed by Night Safari (took a whole lot of photos too!), met up with some old friends (including TJL) and going to meet up with new people too (Sharon Soh). Also, been trying to learn French and wine making on my own. All's in good time.

Oh, been organizing sprees too. Quite exciting! Hope everything goes smoothly because I've heard of some bully stories on the LJs.

Toddles!

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

This week's a little more lax at school because both my assignments (which are due this week, depending on your tutorial time slot) were dued on Monday. Somehow, I don't think I put in a lot of effort for my multcamera proposal. Let's just hope I get at least a B.*cross fingers.

Oh, and if you have grabbed yur copy of The New Paper yesterday, you would have seen a familiar someone's face in there. hahas.
I was actually surprise at the amount of people who called/sms-ed me to 'inform' or poke fun at me. Even my own nephew called me... so funny! Now, that makes me wonder.. how come so many people like to read that tabloid thing of a paper? I mean, everything inside there is sensationalized! They have a habit of twisting words and facts that will offer a totally different (not necessarily positive) perspective. Then again, that's media for you... the ability to set agendas.

School has been depressing lately. Or rather, to be more specific, our lecturer has been showing us very depressing shows on the German/Nazi wars. Thank God they are not documentaries or I'll be the first to protest. First it was Schindler's List, then Silence of the Lambs (Cannibalism) and today, The Pianist. Sure, all are great films, beautifully shot, great mise-en-scene but having to watch it, week after week is really depressing. Especially when they start to mercilessly kill innocent Jews..for being Jews. I just don't understand how these Germans can do it...its the whole ethnocentrism. Hold on, they didn't even view the Jews as humans but parasites. Yups, like I said, depressing.

Thank goodness I watched a light-hearted show last evening with Shawn Paul - "Dan in real life." At first I thought it would be boring but it turned out to be witty, humorous and cinematography was shot with a soft finish. Totally awesome! So worth the money and time. Then again, the company I had last night was equally entertaining and comfortable. Hope I didn't bore him! Hahas.

I'll be emceeing for the Youth Matter's forums this Friday. Hope all goes well. Minister Lui Tuck Yew is coming.. BIG shot..
Radio segment/group project is next week. I'm dreading it really because I was never one for words. It's always easy to sit on the other side of the radio and criticize the disc jockeys but its a whole thing of a difference when you're in the hot seat.. pushing all the buttons and getting the conversation going. Tough, tough, tough! But I'll pull through! I'm sure I will!

(I want to be an achiever! A high-flyer, if you must put it. My ex couldn't stand a woman being better than him, therefore.. my EX. There! I said it! Stupid MCP.)

It's all about Me.

Monday, December 31, 2007

I know I haven't been blogged for a really long time and a friend just told me that it is a pity not to continue blogging. Alright, so that kinda spurred me on to type something. Just a little update.

It's one more day to the New Year's. Any new year's resolutions? Frankly speaking, I've given up trying to make some and actually complete them. However, 2007 has been a rather memorable one for me. Many things happened ...

Friendships
Strengthen existing friendships, repaired old ones (Amanda) and made new ones through pace (Joesph, Liting, Sophia, Benny) and i.Live (Zul, Candice, KK). I've lost some friends too.. none of them worth mentioning of course.
The last 3 months have been especially hard for me. I lost 3 friends (including one bf) but everyone agreed that these people aren't worth it at all. I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Life is all about making decisions and I've made one that makes me happy.

School
School has been one fuck of a roller-coaster ride for me. Had to balance work load with i.Live and other promised commitments. However, it has lead to be new experiences like emceeing for the first time for a big, semi-formal event, panelist for a youth talk with the CEO of MDA etc. Not forgetting the SIFE competition (we were awarded Spirit of SIFE), my community service trip to Laos and Poly-forum. I have some more activities coming up in the next month... can't wait.

Poly forum had left me with both good and bad memories. It was then that I've discovered what is important in a relationship. Also, i've made new friends and got to know the existing ones better (Randall and Josias). Also, because I got to know them better, I've been proven wrong and my perceptions of my friendships with them have changed..for the better.

I daresay I'm very proud of my achievements in schools. Albeit, things are a little rushed and stressed sometimes but I've enjoyed myself thoroughly.

If there's one thing I could improve on, it would be my other life.. I have always wanted to pick up a new skill. Since driving is out of the question now (I don't want to spend my parent's money), I was thinking of either joining ballroom dancing or learning French.

Anyhow, 2007 has been a rather eventful year for me. Many high and low points, some incidents I rather forget, the others I keep close to heart forever. As for the upcoming 2008, I pray for the determination, perseverance and discernment.

Alright, come to me, 2008! I'm ready for you!

(PS - I was thinking of joining the air force and being a air stewardess. The pay's attractive plus I can to travel around the world. If I were to join, I'll go after I've completed my diploma. Would probably be in the company for a year or 2 before coming back to work. What Say You?)

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

In case you haven't noticed.. my birthday's coming up! :D
I've even done up a list! (even though I know no one's going to read it.) Here goes..
1. PC Sims 2 - Open for business & Pets (I really want this!)
2. Roborovski hamsters
3. Benny Benassi CD - Cooking for Pump-Kin Special Menu
4. Cash/cash vouchers for a shopping spree!
5. Samsung Mp3player
6. A really funky laptop bag
7. A working printer (Not kidding here)
8. An all sponsored trip to Paris, Hong Kong/Taiwan, Japan
9. A new school bag

It's all about Me.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

An update, finally!

A new semster has started and I already feel so overwhlemed with the things I have to do. I have so many meetings to attend, so many projects to complete. Then again, this is expected of a CMM-er.

I've got some good news. I just got nominated to go on an inter-poly forum where each polytechnic will sent representatives to discuss on topics that will benefit local tiertary students. Last year, it was held in some pretigeous hotel with a mini prom! This year, it is going to be a on a 2-day to no where cruise! I really want to go!! It sounds really exciting and it's almost all expenses paid. You only have to fork out $50. However, the chances of me going are quite silm because I have already been to Laos. Apparently, there is an unwritten rule stating that a student can only go for ONE such event. I hope when they do call me down for the interviews, I cam impress them enough to gain a cruise ticket!

One can only hope.

Oh, I met one of my IJ-juniors. She doesn't remember me but I need to get rid of my year 1 books. Hahas.

Amongst the new intake, there is this one 'chio' girl that got everyone talking. I have seen her face-to-face and I find that she's quite ordinary looking. Then again, my standard of 'beautiful' is quite high. The guys are all going ga-ga about her. (When I say guys, I meant my male lecturer as well. O_O||) They start tagging on her friendster, blogs etc. To think that she's barely in school for half a month and has already caused quite a stir.

Media student, indeed.

Samantha has started schooling again. I'm geninuely happy for her. She seems to be getting along just fine and never seemed happier.. with studies and books to look forward to in the day (*snigger) and a great boyfriend to look forward in the night (*le sigh). What more could one ask for? ><

On the other hand, I seemed to have completely lost touch with Liana.
For one, I don't know where or what is she doing now. All I know is that she's going to graduate soon with a diploma and is too busy for me. :(
(ps - Liana, if you're reading this... please recognize this almost-desperate-plea to drop me a sms to let me know that you're still alive!)

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Just spoke to mom about everything. It's real good to have an understanding mother who will actually sit down with you so you can share your problems or stories with her. I truly treasure moments like these.

Anyhow, she advised me on what to expect to do and I think I should just let it go. Relationships should not be a piority now; studies should be. Yes, sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me but really, I am still young. My opportunities are boundless! There's no point in taking this matter to heart. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't.

Why should I lose a perfectly good friendship because of hormones and whatsnot?

I find it funny when I think about it. Really.

If I can't even handle a small problem like this? I'll probably never be able to handle big tasks in the future. It's all about NOT letting your emotions get the better of you.

Anyhow, I want to arrange for a meeting before I fly off. Just the usual gang. Sam, Liana and Shihhan. It would be good to gather again.. maybe for the last time? (You'll never know!)

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

It's all about Me.

Monday, March 12, 2007

To: You.

You mean a lot to me, a whole lot. I think of you most of the time. You occupy my daily thoughts, distract me from my most boring routines. Whenever you're not around, I feel empty. And the thought of you leaving me is much too hard for me to bear. You walked into my life ages ago and etched a place in my heart.

It was painful for me to say the very words I said last night at the MRT station. I didn't want you gone. In fact, I want you to remain beside me, forever. (if only 'forever' truly exist.) I want to prolong this happiness I have found, thinking I truly deserve it.

You are a smart boy. Wise in your decisions, good-looking and most of all, I know you care about me. You offered me a shoulder to cry on, a warm and generous embrace when I needed it most. I care about you too but I always feel so insecure. Not insecure with you, but rather, in what we define as an 'unoffical relationship'.

(I can't control my emotions. I can't hold back my tears. My colleagues ask if I'm okay but it doesn't matter.)

It doesn't matter anymore.
I've made the decision. I've made the choice. If I can't get you, I would prefer to not remember you.

My heart pains as I write that last sentence.

You know, the more I think about it. I think its your fault for bringing up this issue. If you hadn't asked me about our relationship, things will be the way they were. Then again, you made me realized how much I want you in my life.

That night at Bakerzinn was a truly special night for me. I felt as though we truly connected. We dined and hardly spoke. Only because we understood each other. That night, I felt settled. I was at peace with myself, at peace with the world. We held hands while you sent me home. I smiled inwardly, a true smile. Happiness washed over me; a feeling I hardly feel nowadays. It was at those moments I knew everything was going to work out just fine.

Then you rejected me that night.

My.heart.shattered.into.a.million.pieces.

It was too much for me to bear. Every single sms or phone call were strained. When it comes to relationships, I am not going at acting. Yes, you told me "I didn't ask you to act" but I can't be my normal self with you. At least not for now.

There was SO MUCH things I wanted to share with you. My Laos trip, my work place and the new colleagues I have met. The new exercise regime I set out to do to try to get in shape. So much more but I couldn't even bring myself to look at you. Things were never the same again. It will never be the same again.

I hope for too much sometimes. I want to be pampered, showered with gifts and sweet-nothings. Is that too selfish of me? Maybe. It's not as though Its one-sided.

I just want you to make the first move again, to initate something special. I want to feel secure again. If you're planning to do something about it, please do it before I fly off to Laos.. which means you have 2 weeks. I can't fathom what's going to happen or whether my feelings will still be as strong when I come back.

I'm losing hope as I speak.

(There's a reason why things turn out the way they do..they always do. You told me that.)

Ha! It's like... fat hope. As though he will read this chunk of non-senscial, romantic, love-junk. I guess its only you and me, Liana.

Liana, you know what? At this rate, I'll probably never fall in love again or get hitched. Anyhow, I'm still happy for you. :)

It's all about Me.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I think, I thought, I tried. Then I saw you cry.

Weep baby, weep like you have never before.
Of course, I didn't cry but I did feel a sense of loss. Who knew things would turn out this way. Rather, who knew this would have left such an impact on me.

A lot of things happened lately. I wasn't elected VP, going on a community trip to laos and my love-life.. Or the non-existance of it.

(I thought... ought to stop thinking).

Have been brooding over a personal issue for the past couple of weeks. Day in, day out..constantly bothering me. It's as though it was haunting me, questioning my future moves and decisions-to-come. It almost drove me mad.. but it's finally settled.

I'm set free.

As the saying goes "all good things come to an end (one day)" but you can always hope for the 'there's always a better reason why things happen this way. One door closes, another one opens'.

For now, let me just keep my options open.

Other than that, I've been doing fine. Am going to start work in the MOE again on Tuesday. It's the same old labelling/tagging job but it pays the bill. (not that I acutally have to pay for any bill except for my debit card purchases. hahas) I consider myself blessed to even find work this quickly. Unlike some classmates I have, in last sem's holidays, she said she wanted to work but procrastinated until sem opens. I have nothing against but I think she's just too lazy. I just can't see myself sitting in front of the computer everyday reading about celebrities and fan fics. I have a life.

Alrighty, I need to rush off to church now.

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Rosemary is soo proud of herself. In today's presentation, I got praised TWICE.. or more but I cannot remember because I was still basking in my glory to really pay attention to the next compliements.

My praises:
"I would like to commerate Rosemary because she was the only one who didn't make the financials boring." AHAHHAHS!

Indirectly, because I did the presentation slides:
"The slides are well-done. There are many graphs and colours."

ahhaahs. I'm one happy girl la.

Oh, and I attended the Laos meeting by the SAA people and the person-in charge actually knew me! (by name, of course). When I spoke to him and told him that I might be taking up another overseas project, he said I could choose between the Laos or the other project by SIFE (which is going to Cambodia). So, I repeated myself and said, I might go and he said.. "in that case, I'll tell Albert (SIFE's director) not to let you go for the Cambodia trip!" hahas. It makes me feel as though I am in demand.

Also, he asked me if I will be free because he needs me to discuss the intial plans for the trip and how our projects can add in entre. value. The way he said it, I think it would be just me and the adults. Cool. "Am I in the inner circle now ?" hahas. He will be contacting me via HP.

Yes, yes. I love this feeling.

It's all about Me.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I've just finished facilitating a 3-days Camp Corri for about 320 SAC students. It was tiring, hectic but fun at the same time! We had inter-class games at the Sports Hall and a cheering competition. Secretly, I think my class came in first for the cheering rounds but they didn't want to give us the trophy because we won the games! hahas.

The secondary 5 girls had to sell their items on the 3rd day at the 4 carts that were placed outside the library. They were a lot of things sold! Bakeries items like home-baked star-shaped chocolate- chip cookies (which I bought two and were given two more free-of-charge!), chocolate coated cornflakes and other inedible items such as Valentine Day pillows, heart-shaped scented candles and hand-drawn files. Anyhow, the girls really sweet. During the last day, they gave me a hand-drawn/made Thank You card and a small pillow with my name sewn on! Like I said, they were really nice!

Also, I heard that the girls spent the night before the sale day baking cookies and getting the things ready. No, actually, I read in their blog that they stayed up until 3am. Poor girls. No wonder they looked so tired the next day. Some couldn't even wake up on time to come to school!

Anyhow, I really enjoyed myself for the past 3 days. Sure, there were little hiccups here and there but you wouldn't realise the difference anyhow. Oh ya! Yours truly tricked them by saying that the faciliators all had to stay back until 8pm plus on the last day because we have to manually count the scripts. The truth was far from that! I wanted to surprise them with a celebratory 'thank you' dinner! There was a good buffet spread waiting for them back at the office. The food tasted soo much better than what was served to the students. Hahas. It was all worth it, really!

The camp came at a good time. Just weeks before that, I was feeling really lethargic. I needed something different, an escape from my daily routine and the camp arrived! From this camp, I got to know a few other faciliators better too!

I wouldn't mind doing it all over again..

It's all about Me.