NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:18 PM

I feel like an idiot. Hoping and wanting and then learning that its all my wishful thinking only. It wont be like that no more. I wont want nor need anything anymore.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:29 PM

Saturday, September 14, 2013

花落人断肠　我心事静静躺

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:42 PM

Monday, July 29, 2013

明明都想通看开了，可为何心里还是那么那么难受？不干，心酸，无奈，奋怒。。。种种种种的情绪都牵绊着，好想把一切一切都扔掉，什么都不管了。既然不是我的，为什么还要让我曾经随手可得？为什么要让我差点儿得到，却又最终充满遗憾？ 或许命中一切早已有安排， 又或者是我没有好好把握机会，还是没有能力实践梦想，所以机会被收回了。如果是这样， 请让我早点释怀， 不要再被这样的遗憾牵绊着了。。。因为真的好辛苦。。。

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:12 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Havent blogged since forever. Thought I'd just sneak in here for a while, in my own lil private world and space where no one (okay, few) can find me. I think there are probably few things I'd need more than this. Not my fone, nt my wallet, nt my lappie, okay, mp3 maybe...a space of my own, time for myself. Space and time to reflect, ponder , imagine , feel and to make sense of what I'm thinking and feeling. I think that as time goes by, I'm getting less and less eloquent. Less adept at verbalizing out loud my thoughts and feelings. Contrary to it being a cognitive problem of some sort, I think its because I'm starting to bother less w people and stuff. Starting to not feel like explaining myself, starting to nt care that people dun see me for who I am. Afterall its so easy to just smile, giggle and act like an airhead or background noise. Humans r essentially forgetful, or selectively forgetful. They rmb what they want to rmb, see what they want to see and judge with whatever little information at hand they possess. Heck, I'm like that at times too. Its just frustrating sometimes, to have to keep goofing and acting like the idiot everyone expects u to be, cos if you're even slightly otherwise, you'd bombarded with 'are you okay's? and 'why're u so serious today?'s. Cos if u behave like you're capable of thinking even for a moment its sucha a big deal, like 'Heeeey, she can actually think!'. And I'm so tired your baseless, judgmental assumptions. What gives you the right to decide? What do you know anyway??

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:43 AM

Monday, April 09, 2012

Time really flies...
Its been almost a year.
Cant say I've grown/changed significantly since,
am pretty much the way I was/am, sadly.
I hope we'd all be able to visit tgt,
to somehow...let her know that we're fine and still close and all doing well.





Sometimes it feels as if I'm gg on auto-pilot.
Just watching passively, helplessly; as things happen, people change and time passes
and reflecting during the aftermath w a sense of surrealism and emptiness.
Sometimes its easier to de-personalize, to detach from everything and everyone else.
Because me, being me, tend to let too many things get to me.
Its too mentally exhausting sometimes.
Even the attempts to try to change things.
Because maybe changes arent always the right way to go..
is it even possible to change something so inherent, imperfections and flaws regardless...?
sometimes, acceptance may be a better means of dealing.
or is that simply passiveness and cowardice?

Idunevenunderstandmeanymore.
All these second guessing and psychoanalyzing has got to stop.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:27 AM

Thursday, March 22, 2012

need to stop being a cow.
NOW.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:51 PM

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sometimes, I think if i were someone else and not me, things would have been so much better, given the easy life i have. If i were anyone of my friends and not me, those things that seemed like problems would never have been true problems. Cause they're so much better than me, in so many different ways. And ultimately, I'm sure they possess better coping skills and emo-cognition.Sometimes, I really hate the way I am.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:31 PM

Monday, February 20, 2012

I miss blogging. And writing. Non-academic stuff anyways.
And I'm feeling pretty pathetic right now, like a dolphin stuck halfway in water and halfway on shore (if thats even possible).
I guess its wad too much ice cream does to you, I'm so bloated now i cld probably squash an elephant.
Cldnt stop craving for sweet stuff nowadays.
Maybe its dat little bit of comfort in midst of all the surrounding chaos that's kept me comming bac for more.
Afterall, sweets make us happy dont they? =)









Pls, my dear gastric, stop hurting ok?

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:14 PM

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Was scrolling through pictures, and i came across this one.
Its been so long.
Cant even hug you anymore, why didnt i do it when i had the chance to?
Imissu.really.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:42 PM

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Why is time passing so slowly everyday...whywhywhywhywhy does it feel like I'm nowhere nearer to 3rd June? Iwanmyoceanpark.now. Cept I'm so tired I'd probably scare away the dolphins...










I think I'm reaching my threshold. For...something. Is this really happening?

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:44 PM

Monday, February 13, 2012

140 more days.
FLYFLYFLYFLYFLYFLYFFFFLY!
I.cant.freaking.wait.




Imissu,and u,and u,and u,and u and u...
even tho its only been a while.
Izzit even possible to be peoplesick...
If this is the kind of life everyone has to face sooner or later,
I'd rather I never grow up...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:09 PM

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

haha, this kept me in a gd mood 4 a while...
Nishikido Ryo! Always so straightforward & conceited, and yet,u jus cant seem to find it in u to dislike him- for underneath that smugness lies teh easily discernible embarrassment, humor and gd-naturedness..=)

Posted at Blackcat707 + aoichou
Translation credits: Hwen and Ames
also credz: PBF
posted by + Ayumi + Cpopbaby19 (whose fanblog i happened to stumble upon)


Nishikido Ryo talking about Akanishi Jin

I am Nishikido Ryo, 21 years old this year, a performing artist under Johnny's. I'm in two groups, NEWS and Kanjani8. As the saying goes "Able men are always busy" - Hence I readily accept my business.I have very good relationships with other people ... what? My words are harsh and I'm poisoned-toungued, so I don't have any friends? Who said that? I have lots of friends, because I'm a sexy man. Of course, er,being sexy and the number of friends I have dont really have anything to do with each other(laugh).

When we talk about my friends, there's someone I have to mention, and that's KAT-TUN's Akanishi Jin! What? You're asking me why he's my friend? Because he's sexy like me (laugh) I'm kidding! It's because we always hang out together... what, you guys know? How did you know? I'm usually very low-key . ...Ah! It was Jin who said it, that's right! When I'm in Tokyo and he would stick to me and make me play,eat, watch movies, go to karaokes and amusement parks with him, it's like we're really dating! Thats so gross! Its fine if we hang out only when I'm in Tokyo, but even when I'm back in Osaka, he'd still be following me around, finding me to hang out, even sleeping over at my house, hogging my bed which isn't big at all! Okay, I can let that go too! But he would even advertise everywhere how messy my room is! Even though it's true that's messy...it makes me want to beat him up! That's why, with a friend like this, I really don't like him. Ah? I'm lying? I'm not lying at all, its the truth!

...Ah~ I left a message on Wink Up for Jin saying I like him? Couldn't you guys tell that it was just polite social talk? ...Okay! I admit I like him. (laugh) Jin's a good person, with a big circle of friends, so he would often overlook me, and sometimes it makes me kindda lonely~. He mentioned Yuu and Pi as his close friends, but what about me? So I got mad! I ignored him when he teased me on Shounen Club, but this guy persisted, smiling like some little wife! Please, you're taller, stronger than me, and you still dare act like that! Don't you know that Osaka is my turf? You still dare to provoke me? I pushed~ I pushed~ I pushed pushed pushed~ And he still persisted with that smile. Fine, fine, Osaka kids don't bear grudges, I'll just let him jostle me then. But this guy really is unreasonable! He actually demanded that I treat him to dinner after the show; just because I live in Osaka!! I'd rather treat Yamapi ... but he actually went as far as to pout and act pitiful!! Fine, fine! I was just too generous!! Cant be helped that I'm the sexiest man in Osaka. I'd just treat him to dinner then. Even though being sexy and treating dinners don't really have anything to do with the other (laugh)

Fans all say to me that I treat KAT-TUN's fans especially nicely. This has got nothing to do with that Akanishi Jin at all, it's absolutely not because Jin's in KAT-TUN that I'm nice to KAT-TUN's fans. Its because I'm a sexy man, and sexy men are friendly! ...Okay, I admit that has a bit to do with it. Being nice to my friends' fans is very normal! What? Why have I denied it at first? ...That's because ... {Editor: You're a sexy man.}. Ah, everyone knows already! Then I shan't publicize anymore (laugh). Actually, I didnt want to boost the ego of this guy, who gets smug very easily. Way back in the beginning wasn't it because he got all smug and self-satisfied that Takki yelled at him and made him cry? That day I happened to be in Tokyo, and when I saw him crying like a child, I wanted to go and hug him, but then, Jin was even stronger than he is now, and I couldn't do it, so I told him: "Fat Jin, it's about time you diet, ne." He pummeled me immediately after for that, definitely, that guy had to be venting his anger on me! After that I don't know where he ran off to, but the next day he seemed just fine, so I think someone must've comforted him, and most-likely not by calling him fat! But Takki's yelling must have worked, for he hasn't been as conceited as before, and I guess he grew up a bit after all. Jin is slimmer now, though he's still not as thin as me. Even though I called him Fat Jin, seeing him this thin now makes me a bit worried. Still, it was the slightly chubbier, a bit more meaty Jin from back then who was cute, now... now he's sexy! (laugh)

But no matter what kind of Jin he is I'll still like him! What? I'm confessing my love? You're misunderstanding me! Everyone~ its the kind of love between friends! You fangirls won't even let even me and Jin off easy, what's with that! I see, you're all Masuda's family members, if not then distant relatives! Confessions... that kind of love between lovers... what are you guys thinking! I'm not Kamenashi Kazuya [hahahaha, HE MENTIONED AKAME omgomgomg!!I'm sure u arent..) {the interview setting was completely silent} I am Nishikido Ryo, 21 years old, and a performing artist under Johnny's. I am a sexy Osaka man. Please remember me. See you next time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Ryo...u rock at times like this...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:38 PM

Sunday, January 29, 2012

OIE, fat jin.
Stop bullying my ueda >.<
^^

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:26 PM

Friday, January 27, 2012

Itsallfake.
Or is it not?
Its so hard to tell with humans sometimes.
Doesnt matter if you graduate w a dozen human sciences degree.
Like heck it matters w a Psychology doctorate.
No, the texts dont teach u hw to read people.
So when u fail, its all u.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:36 AM

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Its 8 in the morning.
And
I.cant.sleep.
stupid hyperactive neurons.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:05 AM

Thursday, January 19, 2012

有些无法自拔的感觉。。。
好像太投入了，从几天前伤感到现在。。。 连睡前睡后都会想起。。。
还是想哭。
真的好美的一段故事，好凄凉，但又那么的渗入人心。
如果可以选择，你会宁愿过得一生平淡，还是具有极度喜乐却又极度悲哀的日子？
人生短短几十年，平平淡淡地就这样过去了，会不会好似虚度光阴？









现在。。。我想也
该回到现实，该读书了。。。

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:12 PM

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I think,
it would be nice to see the snow one day.
Real snow, not the artificial kind they have in snow city.
To be showered by these icy bits as they fall carelessly from the sky,
to see the perfectly shaped flake even if only for a mere instance,
feel the numbing coolness as it melts in my palm (why does it sound like I'm describing choco?)







Thats providing the sneezing and runny nose would leave me alone =).

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:06 AM

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

totally.
no mood.
for studying.
at all.

YAYYYY...the clipons are gonna arrive b4 CNY~








I cant believe i wasted an entire day online shopping...
and doing random wadnots.
and Singpost suck.
When are my docs gg to reach???!
Its Singapore nia...no need to fly aso can take so long.
SERIOUSLY...
One week already LEH.
Oh nos....pls dun tell me it got destroyed by the floods.
No really!!! Bevy's MC took more than a week cos it was damaged by 'bad weather'.
URGH.
FASsfeTER.
FASTERFASTER.
OMG.ICANTCONCENTRATE.
Whydoesitalwayelliketheressommuchofotherstufftodowhenyou'resupposedtobestudying?


URGH.ICANTSITSTILL.
YAYYYY...MYCLIPONS!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:44 PM

Monday, January 09, 2012

Dear gd old days,
Imissusosososososososomuch!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:42 AM

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Bah.
I feel so unhealthy.
Dunno how I'm gg to survive internship.
One day nia and waking up at 8 feels like suicide already.
Need to switch back de body clock, and like, lead a healthier lifestyle damnit.
And yea, run.
Cos no one believes I would do it.
I shall prove everyone wrong.
So there.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:48 PM

Saturday, December 31, 2011

UGGGGHH.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:05 AM

Sunday, December 25, 2011

and I cant even blame it all on PMS cos the stupid timing isnt right...
Must be the essay dat I've nt yet written...
Yea.
Mus be.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:13 AM

Friday, December 16, 2011

借口借口。。。都是借口。。。
很抱歉，我真的没有办法笑着同意你说那明明对你有害的东西有多么多么的好。
尤其是对我所在乎的人。
无办法看着你明明是在伤害自己，仍然举手赞成。
冷眼旁观，是我懦弱逃避的表现，虽然你一厢情愿地把它看做是鄙视。
苦口婆心，你也无心体恤。。。
你说你懂，
其实你是么都不懂。

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:27 AM

Friday, December 09, 2011

If I'm rich I'd buy me time.
Lots and lots of time stored up only for emergencies.
Like when you have 4 major assignments due consecutively in e span of a week and you havent started any at all.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:31 AM

Friday, December 02, 2011

I love rainy nights.
Somehow the air jus feels fresher =).

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:03 PM

Thursday, December 01, 2011

I cant believe I'm drama-ing now of all times, -_-.
But okays,just a short one.
Its an old classic, a little mushy, but i think Taixi's lines totally owned. And killed a lot of girls, 10 years ago anyways.
Didnt help that he was such a fabulous actor either. ;)

''I wont ask you to marry me
I wont bother or torment you
I wont even ask you to like me
Let me help you treat your disease
I’ll treat you
And when u get better…
When you get better,
I’ll leave.
I wont go back on my word
I’ll leave.
Let me help you.
You…cant die
I wont forgive you if you die
You have to get better and tell me
Tell me you never loved me
Tell me to get out of your life
You have to.
Give me a chance to help you.
That’s all I’m asking for.''

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:09 PM

Changed mixpod's starting song.
I like this one, its 'Only Human' -by K.
Theme song for 'One litre of tears'.
Its angsty and sad...and for some reason brings forth an 'aftermath' sentiment.
The kind where trauma's over, sacrifices made, leaving behind only emptiness and a sense of surrealism.
Like in the show where after girl died and her loved ones continued living a life without her.
The drama was based on the true story of Aya Kito, a girl who was down with spinocerebellar degeneration - a neurological disease in which the cerebellum of the brain gradually deteriorates to the point where movement, speech, and even eating are impeded. The girl was a bubbly athlete, a basketballer, who at the age of 15, had to come to terms with the knowledge of her disease- that its untreatable and that it would continue worsening, that she'd gradually be unable to walk, write or eat. That she'd eventually die of it.
It makes u think about the fragility and inevitability of life.
And reminds us that no matter how powerful,intelligent or rich we may be,
at the end of the day where things comes down to it,
we're only human.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:42 PM

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sigh. I dunno why it is so easy, even for us fans, to believe scandals liddat. Like, coming from him its not even surprising. Things mite hav been different if its someone else --too bad its not. And its so notorious to the extent that its like he's making up for Jin's missing bad-assedness as well.

Really.

Birds of a same feather flock together.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:38 PM

Friday, November 25, 2011

True to the 'Siao Char bo' name tag Des so thoughtfully pre-made for me,
I feel like screaming my head off like a siao char bo sometimes.
Thanks ar brother, for calling ur sis deranged.

ARGH

Jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjincolejinijnjinjinjin!!!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:08 PM

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

work.Work.WORK!NOW!!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:22 AM

Monday, November 21, 2011

Stop.seeing.everything.as.a.personal.challenge.against.
you.
No, when things dont go your way ,its not cause the universe is out to get you.
The universe is.not.that.free.
When things dont go your way, its cause they are meant to not go your way.
Things are bound to not go our way all the time.
THIS IS LIFE.
So stop making everything about you.
And start living life the way its supposed to be lived.
With a little bit of patience and tolerance.
Get a grip on all that unbridled anger.
Because pls,
the world doesnt owe you.
Nobody deserves to be yelled at things that arent within their control to begin with.
Think you're stressed and therefore its justified that you rant?
Think again, because who haven experienced stress!
Think its okay cos you acknowledge all your flaws at the end with an extremely deflated self esteem? That its okay to be mad at the world cos you've got insecurities?
If you're gg to keep harping over the same old flaws den why wont you do something about them?
If you're so worried about maintaining your ego and control den why wont u start keeping a tab on that temper first?
Cos its seriously lacking control.
Its nuseating, all that anger- at the world, at people, at everything.
And you dunno how much it affects the people around you.
Its not like you care anyways.
You know nothing about the worry and hurt you sometimes cause.
You dunno how much they care.
You never do.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:29 AM

Friday, November 18, 2011

I.cant.wait.for.xmas.
Even if it merely means doing the same old things we do every year,
seeing the same old people,
singing the same old songs.
I want to keep doing them,
Every.single.year.
To keep seeing these same old people,
cos they mean THE WORLD to me.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:30 AM

Thursday, November 03, 2011

YAYYY
Happy Birthday Nishikido Ryo!
=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:28 PM

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Think I'm in need of ryo therapy...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:15 PM

I
ran out of carrots today.
=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:33 AM

Friday, October 21, 2011

Nishikido Ryo Kanjani Sentai ranger
[2011.10.20 17:50]
Hello
How are you?
I'm so sleepy today,
I am going to sleep to the fullest!
(Translation credits:nishikidoryotan.blogspot)

Hello!
I'm super sleepy too!
Shall go sleep to my fullest now! ^^
Maybe I'd dream something nice tonight...;)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:39 AM

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Time really flies.
Its been 4 months, and in the blink of an eye it'd be 6...den a yr...2 yrs..

原本清晰的脸；深刻的回忆，是否会随着岁月的流逝而渐渐模糊？
有句刻骨铭心的名言，
‘就算有一天记忆会消失，但爱情依然存在’
我想亲情也是如此。
但愿你已带着我们每一个人的祝福，在那没有眼泪没有痛苦的事外桃园里，过得很快乐很快乐。





從那遙遠海邊慢慢消失的你
本來模糊的臉竟然漸漸清晰
想要說些什麼又不知從何說起
只有把它放在心底

茫然走在海邊看那潮來潮去
徒勞無功想把每朵浪花記清
想要說聲愛你卻被吹散在風裡
猛然回頭你在那裡

如果大海能夠喚回曾經的愛
就讓我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留戀
就讓它隨風飄遠
如果大海能夠帶走我的哀愁
就像帶走每條河流
所有受過的傷 所有流過的淚
我的愛 請全部帶走


Somethings ... can only be properly expressed in chinese.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:52 AM

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I love Pillbugs
=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:01 PM

Friday, October 14, 2011

It was love at first sight...
I Swear, she's the most beautiful dog I've ever set my eyes on, nt dat I've set my eyes on a lot of dogs to begin with.
But reallyyyyy ...
Those eyes!!!
So soulful, so dreamy, its practically begging you to jus.bring.it.home.
Oh my snow white,
wait for me...
Gimme another...two,three,four,five,six years.
I'd definitely bring you home one day.
Promise.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:27 PM

Watched BTR, again.
Think i can watch it over a million times and still not get tired of it. (Thankew darlings for the DVD)
Its like comfort food, only u cant eat it, unless u eat with ur eyes.
I loved it when there were 6 and i still do now, only things arent quite the same anymore.
And i still cant bring myself to watch the 5 tgt now, no matter how awesome they are, cos the missing part is so meticulously displaced, its painfully obvious.
I hate changes. And losses.
And the painful adaptations they bring about.
And the people who adapt, because how can they adapt, when adapting means forgetting (to some extent at least)and like, how can they jus...forget?!
And those who cant adapt, because its stupid not to adapt.
And I hate how I am writing so vaguely in circles and not making sense because I am disillusioned and a tad confused and Ueda's voice keeps distracting me.
Ah yi was right after all.
I'am still afraid ... after like... more than 10 years?
I guess some things stay with you forever.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:51 AM

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Thanks a lot pi...
for following Jin's 'fantastic' example.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:50 AM

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Was reading some random fics, and I cldnt help but LOLed at this very short one.

Credits to Trifarashi,
Title:Daddy did a fine job

Sensei asked Little Ryu if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I know my numbers. Daddy taught me."

"Good! say your 'one, two, three'!"

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack, queen, king!"

=_=!!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:53 AM

Monday, September 19, 2011

I feel like.
banging my head against the wall.
Or the tree.
Whichever.
















If I have the time to be writing a fic now it'd be about how jin kills kame accidentally and then suicides out of guilt. Or how Sota moves to France w Soyoko and never comes back ever again. Or how Ryo would be out on the streets one day, slipping over a piece of banana skin, hitting his head and landing himself in a coma.
Yes, stupid stupid stupid and angsty stuff.








7 Freaking marks!!! Who the hell finishes 6 (almost) essays and 30 MCQs in 2 hrs! What with that chunk of output to interpret and report from. Moderate, moderate, pls moderate. Or I'd go throw stones at ducks in some random park.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:23 PM

Thursday, September 15, 2011

In a bit of a dilemma now.
Either way, its not completely up to me, i guess? Or maybe it is.
Maybe I shouldnt have been so hasty.
Its too early to be troubling over this anyways.
Pls show me the lighttttt soon.
Why do this kindda troublesome stuff always takes place during e exams ?
Seriously, I think I'm doing this cos my subconscious jus wans to NOT-study.
Yea, anything to divert e attention (if any at all) away from the textbook(s)...







ARGH.
LIGHT, LIGHT , LIGHT!!!
COME SOON!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:07 PM

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Its probably a bit to ask for.
But pleaseeeee...
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease....?












Hahaa....我知道是应该顺齐自然就好的。。
And I dunno if I'd be able to handle it...
But still....OMGIAMSOEXCITED!
ahhhhhhh~!!!
Lemme get lucky for once. Please.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:51 AM

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I.cant.concentrate.
FOCUS!!!
YOU NEED TO DO THIS PROPERLY.


Even when all i want to do now is to go arnd carrying a stupid-looking lanten, play with candles and sparkles and eat my green tea mooncake.



And I'm still pissed. I rarely get pissed but i still am now.



I really really just wanted to play with lantens.



Its stupid and childish and I can barely understand wads going through my head.
Must be PMS.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:04 PM

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

I'am a little horrified.
NOnonononononoooooooooo!!!
You're killing two birds, no, two girls with one stone.
How cld you????
Stupid ryo/sato.
U suck.
Argh.
One more weeek...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:48 AM

Monday, September 05, 2011

Almost got electrocuted last night. So scaryyyy!
Please, no more short circuts...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:44 PM

Sunday, September 04, 2011

I dreamt of her again last night, like mom did...3 weeks ago?
Its amazing how your implicit desires can seep through your subconscious like that,
cos she was all healthy, happy and well again. And she smiled so gently with that twinkle in her eyes, that twinkle we missed so much, that's been replaced by pain and tears the last we saw her. And somehow, despite being so so happy to see her again, I was clearly aware that she shldnt be there, sitting on that tall wooden chair she used to sit on. And I thought, 'ah, well, I'm hallucinating but I shld make the best out of it anyways', because, really, I was so so so happy I wanted to cry. And i did, woke up crying.



I miss you.




Thank you for everything.




Please continue to look after everyone of us.




We love you.



<3

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:24 AM

Friday, September 02, 2011

Bahhhh...
I'm bored.
And the thought of studying for MDS
makes me
want to
puke.








so annoying...!!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:16 AM

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Was listening to 933. And it struck me so suddenly .
The overwhelming longing to....if it even makes sense, GO ON A SCHOOL EXCURSION!
The kind where u wake up super early, report in school w ur usual clique, all hyped up about the fun u know u'll be having. And then boarding the private-bus, talking loudly to friends, (un)subtly stuffing food into your mouth. I'm not sure why, but this one image of a trip to the Science Center I've had w the Social Studies Club in P4 stands out paricularly. Was it even in P4? I wonder if we've had another one during the sec period. Somehow it feels like it wouldnt be the same even if we'd go on one now. Like...it's jus be another 'slp on the bus, wander arnd kind of thing.'

And for some reason, thinking about excursions reminds me of Macs breakfast, again. Not very feasible, seeing that I see sooo much of the night now dat i dun see the morning anymore. XS

Oh, and counseling was good today. I think I'm getting confused. It almost feels like 2nd nature, listening and talking to people about their innermost emotions, to try and help sort out confusing and conflicting sentiments. Its so easy to empathize and to...just listen. And no, this isnt just about the fun I get out of making up stories to bombard my counselor w everyweek. I think I've always known, somehow, at the back of my mind, that this may be one of the things (if any at all) that I can do relatuvely okay at. The dream to become a psychologist at age 12? I dunno...looking back now, it feels like there's a guiding force behind my motivation and persistence for Psych. I've always known dat was what I wanted. And now I wonder...is this why? Because I was meant to do this? With the natural empathy and emotional intuitiveness he's so generously bestowed?

Of course, there's a lot more to just sympathizing and listening in counseling. I get emotionally involved too quickly to be objective sometimes. And...counselors do the most unbearable jobs one can think of. Hehh...its probably one of the 'spur-of-the-moment' kindda epipany. Besides, like Bevy said, 'You just wait till next sem to start falling in love with the brain all over again'. Heeh, she knows me too well sometimes....

Well, am getting hungry. Shall go cook something. Ciao!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:05 AM

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I need something nice to watch to keep my mind off it cos now I have exactly ONE MORE WEEK to wait till the next episode comes out.
Please, someone distract me.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:34 AM

Monday, August 22, 2011

It was horrible.... :'(
I knew I shld hav studied harder....
-__-

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:19 PM

I'm so tired.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:30 AM

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Stop.stop.stop.stop.
Running away.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:43 AM

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I saw something.
And
I.cldnt.stop.smiling XD













Oh, had an awesome National's Day btw.
We shld do this more often.
I cant believe we dun even hav a photo to comemorate that day.
Budden agn its us, the camera-shy ppl =)
It was a damn rare sight, 1st time in history even.
I think my dad was astonished.
1st time seeing us 3rd gen ppl work in the kitchen liddat.
It felt like New Yr, or X-mas, whichever.
I hope we stay close liddat in the years to come.
I love them all <3

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:57 PM

Monday, August 08, 2011

whywhywhywhywhywhhyyyyyyyy isnt it up yet???
I wan to watch it. Now. With da subs.
Its always during times like this where I'd wish and wish and wish I can understand Japanese as well as i can Chinese...not the 'I wish i can read japanese' kindda but de 'I wish I can listen and understand' right off the raw versions kindda...Like wad happens when we watch Taiwan shows, without subs XD [yes, can u beliebe how pro we are???].
Ryoooooooooooo....! WAITFORMEEEE!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:43 PM

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Listening to Aishiteru Kara now...
This song's always reminded me of the sea.
Wish I cld see it, now...
He may not possess the best voice in the world (unlike jin), but i dun think anyone else can sing this better than he does. Somehow.
Or maybe its just the fic I've read that used it as a main theme.XD





























































































I miss her.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:15 AM

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Its amazing how sometimes, just listening to a person's voice can make everything seem okay again =)
Its even more astounishing how it still works works when you're miles apart, where u dunno dat person, and dat person dunno u....XD

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:23 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I'm so sick of it.
Of being superficially judged all the time by ppl who make no effort to understand you and even ppl who you think are SUPPOSED to know you.
I dun even know anymore if they're right.
And sometimes, I detest them for making me doubt myself liddat.
Language...its incredible isnt it?
Words...an awesome combination of alphabets and correponding phenomes.So simple, yet so powerful. They can hurt you like no one and nothing else ever could.
You dunno me like u think u do.
Either that or I'm in delusional denial.
I dont give a damn anymore.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:21 AM

Monday, July 04, 2011

Oieee Youuuuuuuuu,
Happy Birthday!
=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:21 AM

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Despite appreciating the renewed privacy and being able to sleep sufficiently again, I've been kindda dreading today. And the quietness it would entail.
No more chatting and goofing around with my as-lame-as-me cousins for distractions...
No more running about here and there,
No more things-to-do to keep the mind busy.
Because we've done all there was to do.
The only thing left now...
would be to move on.
And be happy that she's in a better, happier place.
Watching over all of us.

我努力的仰着脸孔
试者让眼泪不下流 别往下流
不问他感觉到什么
在我生活中不再伤痛 不伤痛
想要说,却还沉默.
伸出手,无法触碰.
天空突然一片辽阔,
原来你是真的已经离开我.
在我不熟悉的世界,
过新的生活.
闭上眼让泪水滑落.
此刻你已真的永远离开我

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:13 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjninjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjjinjinjjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
Gd morning.
Am off to slp now.
I'm gg to keep jinning till...i feel like stopping.
I'm crazy huh.
Crazy people are those who dun see eye to eye with the majority.
Cos if you arent understood by em' all, you're crazy.
And ridiculous.
Dere's no need to try and understand foreign things and situations better.
They are crazy anyway if they arent like the norm, if they are even slightly difficult to comprehend.
No need to consider situational factors.
If you act like an idiot you're probably innately idiotic.
Only those with ideas, thoughts and behaviors similar to the majority are normal.
Afterall, if others' dun understand it there's probably nothing worth understanding.

HUH
SHIT IT.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:34 AM

Monday, June 20, 2011

It still hurts.
No matter how much you smile and say you're okay.
Because every little thing you see reminds you of that special someone.
The chair she used to sit in.
The side of the bed she used to lie on.
The clothes she wore.
The leg support she's been using.
And you begin to ask yourself why.
Why havent you interacted more with her?
Why havent you been more concerned?
Why havent you showered her with the so so so much love she deserves.
And it hurts.
Damn damn damn much.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:43 AM

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I've never thought it would come down to this.
Us,camping here, 3 am in the morning at a dark hospital hallway.
It feels like the world's abandoned her.
Or she's abandoned it, whichever way it goes.
She's so damn strong -She's been through so much pain,pulled through so much, and still, she's keeping up with the fight-albeit a little shakily.
Stay strong, for us. Because we cant lose you. Not when we've just realised how much you really meant to us; how little we've done for you. Give us a chance to make up for it.
Keep breathing. Keep Living.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:02 AM

Saturday, June 11, 2011

I wish i cld hear them sing tgt again...on live.
They sounded so so so so gd tgt...
Why wont he go bac to the grp?

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:08 AM

My dad.
Was amazingly right!
For once =)

Dad:你听的懂这些日本歌在唱什么meh？为什么整天听这些，不要听英语跟华语的？
me：听不懂la...大概大概lor
Dad：我懂了！一定是那些英语跟华语歌整天情情爱爱的，听了都sian...所以你才跑去听那些你听不懂的歌！
反正都听不懂 ma...
me：大概是这样啦。。。
Dad：MUMMY!!!你看我这么厉害，一猜就对!!!

=_='

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:03 AM

Monday, June 06, 2011

I love my cousins.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:37 AM

Sunday, June 05, 2011

JinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinJIN
JINjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinJIN
ARGH

I need my amygdala to be less active for a short while.
500 more jins to go....

JINjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinJIN
JINjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjin
jinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinjinJIN

Okay...my hand is gettin tired.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:29 AM

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Fat jin u suck.
Its okay tho.
I still love u =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:47 AM

Its still themm.
Its always been them.
KATTUN rocks

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:44 AM

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Why is it so impossible to hold on to time?
And for everyone to live forever, and ever, and ever...
Yea, i know.
Its so the earth doesnt explode.
Or implode...wadever.
I'm so tired.
Please. Please. Please. Please.
Stay strong for us.
Dont giv up. dont giv up. dont giv up. dont giv up.dont giv up.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:40 PM

Monday, May 30, 2011

WHYYYYYY isnt it over already???!
!@#$%^&*()
Stupid lvl 1 paper is driving me nuts...
Write in simple english wont u...
Sentences are sentences. They consist of simple nouns, verbs and de straightforward & proper(not incessant) use of prepositions. They are not, and shldnt be the length of an entire paragraph (with 2 to 3 fullstops in between).
Seriously...=_-
I think these people write jus to confuse the hell out of people...
>.P
I hope u get hopelessly confused when ur doing ur research too...pfft.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:40 PM

Monday, May 23, 2011

I miss it.
Everything and nothing.
Be strong be strong be strong!!!
I can do it.
Cos its me.
=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:05 AM

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Yes. Life goes on no matter what.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:49 AM

Sunday, May 08, 2011

I am so sick of it.
My thoughts are killing me.
Its what happens when u feel too much.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:39 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2011

At the supermarket....(translated)

K: I want to add this.
A: I don't want.
K: It will be more delicious if you add this, if not there will only be egg!
A: I say don't add, I don't like the taste.
K: Add this!
A: Don't add this!

I dun care that this may hav happened like 2 years ago...Am so enjoying myself now...I'm completely okay being delusional...KYAAAAAAA!!!

P.S Actually in my opinion, not adding would be better. Cos i think they were holding onions then :S ...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:42 AM

I'm soooooo happy now dat I wan spaghetti!
Spaghetti Spaghetti Spaghetti!
Wif lotsa tomatoes! ^^ XD
YAYYYYYYY

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:38 AM

Friday, April 15, 2011

An exciting discovery made by yours truly today!
There's a dark circle arnd his left eye!
I cant believe he's been sitting dere, staring at me for so long and I've only noticed it today.
Yesterday to be exact.
Me was too tired to blog tho.
But look, I'm blogging now!
Just felt like I had to.
I know how excited you guys must be to hear this.
After all I only gush to you about him like all the time.
I know its not enough.
Dont worry, I'd keep doing my best.
I shall pay another visit to...cine soon?
den it would be...KATTUN I'd stare at everyday!!!!
YAYYYYYY
Slping early today so I'd increase my chances of dreaming many many kames!
BUAI EVERYONE
Hav sweet kame dreams tonight.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:09 AM

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Something my tutor told us today that I just had to post. He said it with such vigour, and a straight face too...Not meaning to sound condesending, but here goes....

'YOU GUYS ARE PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS. PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS ARE DIFFERENT. WE ARE NOT BUSINESS STUDENTS, OR WHATEVER OTHER KINDS OF STUDENTS OUT THERE. WE ARE PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS, PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS DONT THINK STRAIGHT. WE ARE SPECIAL. WE ARE NOT LIKE...THE BUSINESS PEOPLE...WE ARE PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS YOU KNOW. WE THINK DIFFERENTLY AND WE ALWAYS KNOW BITS OF EVERYTHING. WE ARE PSYCHOLOGY STUDENTS!!' ^^

And he said it like it makes so much sense..LOL =_=

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:30 AM

Monday, April 04, 2011

I guess it gd that he twits in english. At least I can stalk him and understand whatever he's saying w/o having to resort to online translation. Which totally sucks, btw. I hope that he's secretly stalking kazuya too...;) Am currently addicted to zhou jie lun's gei wo yi shou ge de shi jian....and Cai Hong is always so nostalgic too...it feels like its jus days ago where we're still happily singing cai hong after school, on the way to da farrraway bus stop. I miss the old days. And the chicken rice. And the stamina. I want to play block catching all day again. And waddle in mud, and sing stupid songs...I remember how when we'd be happily playing arnd the neighbourhood our ah mas would gather amongst themselves and be happily chatting too...And now they're older, frail, and they cant meet up anymore cos we've all moved and they're too old to be really mobile. I wonder how we'd be like in our 70's / 80's. Old age is scary, really. The feeling of dependency and helplessness especially. I think I suck as a granddaughter. I want to help, but really, I dunno wad I can do. Please let her get better soon...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:23 PM

Monday, March 28, 2011

Really really am dying for some gyoza right now.
Jap buffet soon prewwwty please? ^^
and jus now was....
KYYYYAAA!!!
Imissusosososomuch.
Hurry up and do a drama soon so I cld see your fatBakaish face again!
=P

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:10 AM

Monday, March 21, 2011

I really shouldnt be blogging. Hav got one more para for Counselling to do, one entire report for Human Develp. and a quiz comming right up. And the head isnt being very nice, it likes to hurt sometimes. I miss my break alreadys. I should be damn damn happy by right. Everything's going fine. My grades are ok, I am nt sick (yet), parents r still awesome (hahaaa...maybe not all the time tho),frends r great. So why am I feeling....like that? It was jus a small hiccup, probably didnt mean anything. I dunno why I'm dwelling over it so much. And.that.ARGH.

Kame!!!! Where are u! and JIN! STOP POOING EVERYWHERE!=(
Overseas trip soon? Or jus a small local vacation,anywhere with nice scenary will do. =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:22 PM

Friday, February 25, 2011

Ayyye you!!!
I cant believe I forgot.
Heh...actually I can...
Happy belated birthday =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:01 AM

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Promise Song
Close my eyes, there is the song I heard that day, the nameless melody that you quietly sang to yourself
It is the one thing that refuses to fade away, that keeps us connected no matter how much time has passed

Even now, I keep searching and searching for the answer every time I think of you

Faraway, in a place without you, I am still singing, with strength, with gentleness
this tiny endless melody that has stayed unchanged ever since that day
Farewell, bewildered and confused as I am in front of this unfamiliar scenery,
I know for certain that you are gently protecting the precious words we exchanged

Yesterday, it came as no surprise, still it was unbelievable, the day our footprints went separate ways
Unable to speak up, I didn't dare to look at you, yet I wasn't able to hide my weakness

The "thank you" that you gave me at the end will become the hope that connects me with tomorrow, so...

Faraway, riding on this wind, here are the words I want to send you, only you
Can you hear it? this tiny endless melody that has stayed unchanged ever since that day
Farewell, as we go along two different roads, whenever we are wore down by confusion,
let look for flowers of the same colors and take them as the proof of our meeting

Let's gather the fragments of memory, gently, carefully, so they wouldn't break
I wish that someday we will be able to put inside our heart a complete memory

Faraway, in a place without you, I am still singing, with strength, with gentleness
this tiny endless melody that has stayed unchanged ever since that day
Farewell, this promise song will forever resound deep in my heart
And so I start walking, until the day we meet again

Until the day we meet again

credits:xmonster1603@LJ

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:36 AM

Sunday, February 06, 2011

It looked so empty with just 5...
Still, this is da most beautiful song EVER.
With the exception of Neiro maybe =)
Wish I'm a better writer so I'd be able to put it into words more effectively.
Beccause this stirs up such intense waves of emotions in me that others havent really before.
This one reaches deep into the soul and like...engulfs it in a warm embrace?
Emanates a sense of melancholy and longingness, and
is so overwhelmingly ladened with emotions that its almost painful to listen to.
Yet it brings with it solace, strength and the gentle promise of reuniom.
For that moment, the very short moment where they looked close to tears (the last courus), it wasnt just a concert anymore. The world revolves about the superficiality of makeup, the spotlight, the dressing, or even the cheers of the fans no more. In that short span of a few sceonds, it was just Kattun bearing their hearts out - unraveling innermost sentiments that they otherwise couldnt, werent allowed to, express in words or actions. It was just kattun and every one of their experiences -bitter, sweet or sour- they've shared for the past 10 years.For those very few seconds, its was just plain old kame,junno,ueda,maru and koki.
Uepi and Maru!Dont cry..!
And Junno, i see your promise ring. Are u sending a message across to someone miles away?
Kame is professional as aways...but there's this very subtle hint of supression that werent there in Neiro and Precious One. Probably letting on a lot lesser than what you're really feeling, as always.
Someday...maybe someday...and I believe that day would come, you'll sing as 6 again.
This isnt farewell..it wouldnt be.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:36 PM

Saturday, February 05, 2011

I'd like to think that I can understand people well most of the time.
but maybe...maybe i dont know anything at all.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:16 AM

Friday, February 04, 2011

Sigh.
I always get high over the wrong-est things....
XD
I got another new yr resolution to add.
I've gotta...get rid of these weird...fetishes...
Like repeating the part where he's singing over and over and over again.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:32 AM

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

I'm in love with this song,
Which sooooo fits the cny mood - its hard to put it into words exactly, but this song brings out the joy, hope, warmth and inspiration of the spring season to the max.

逐漸變換的季節裡，

不曾改變的心情，

漸漸染上屬於我們的顏色，

此刻是最珍貴的寶物。

能夠和你在這裡相遇，

能夠與你歡笑在一起，

無論多少時光慢慢的過去，

我都不會忘記.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 6:11 PM

Monday, January 31, 2011

I guess its called 'smile' for a reason.
Makes u smile everytime u listen to it.
Oh. Nose's been acting crappy the entire day.And.
Sore throat's sucky. No K-box/CNY Songs spamming session as a result.
CNY's comming.
Why is it dat the older we are, the less excited we get about festive seasons?
Maybe...maybe the excitment and all dat bubbling energy we used to possess really can deplete over the years.
Or maybe...they dont seem as special anymore as we go through the same routine year by year.
My chinese new yr resolution.....I dun care dat ppl seldom make them at CNYs. I'm gonna make mine now.
I want to be more optimistic and to stop dwelling and worrying over trival stuff.
I'd want to be more aware of my surroundings and maybe...to isolate myself less from
other ppl.
I would try to be neater and more organized too...
To stop spacing out in lectures and put in more effort for school... Try and get at least a high distinction maybe?
Spend more time wif my parents.
Be a better daughter, better friend, better person?
EXERCISE- I want to sprint again....Stamina, comeback!!
Bravely face up to whatever comes my way.

Hmm...Thats it?
Let the Rabbit yr be a better yr!! =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:16 PM

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I really really shouldnt be blogging now.
But please please please lemme make it through this sem...
And let nth change. Between all of us.
I'm probably being overly sensitive, bt there's this nagging feeling that things are slowly unfolding and that they would lead to an eventual cascade.
And it doesnt go away.
I guess reading about paranoids really induces paranoia.
And it sucks that I'm even edgy in church now, weary of the unwarranted presence of someTHING.
I must have had an avoidant attachment childhood- Avoidance is how I cope with life all the time.
Bleah.
I'm off to listen to Jin now.
He'll make things seem better.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:27 AM

Friday, December 31, 2010

3 more hrs till 2010's gone for good.
Wish I cld fly ovr to Japan right now to catch the JE countdown concert.
Though the flight wuld probably take more than 3 hrs... XS
I'm sure it would be a better countdown relative to whatever not-as-nice ones they hav here in S'pore.
Happy New year everyone! ^^

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 9:12 PM

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas is officially over.
Time to start.studying.
Maru's white world made me want to cry.Again.
Sighs. I'm wishing for an x-mas wish.
I want to make it through this term.really.
AND
to.jus.stop.ruminating.
Today was awesome, even though I lost 5 bucks in poker.
Stupid Des kept spewing lame jokes.
Hanging out with my cousins always feels nostalgic.
Maybe cos we've been goofing around dat way since young.
Though they dont understand me like my dearests do, I know they'd back me up anytime, anywhere, shld the need arises.
I'm so lucky i hav such awesome people around me.
I want to stay happy and strong forever.
I want to get better too. Be a better person.
A better daughter, better friend, better student, better...everything.
But if I get better, will I still be me?
Are these inadequacies so detrimental,I'm better off riding them completely?
仔细想想,现在的我真的还蛮讨人厌的...
I....am gonna study now.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:10 AM

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry X-mas darlings!
Hav a blessed and fruitful year ahead!
^^
I love u all to the *1000000000000.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:14 PM

Monday, December 20, 2010

listenedtokattunagain...
Iknow..ilistentothem24/7anyways...
ceptwhenIamsleeping?
Butbutbut
Ilovehisvoice...likeseriously..
ithinkihavafetishforvoices...
Bakanishijin!!stoptryingtokillmyheart!
Itwasthumpinglikemadjusnow....bahh!!^^
onlyucandothatwhileathousandmilesaway...
arghdamnyou..=p

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:45 PM

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A new theory I derived at...

kaili gene + zq gene + ym gene
+tsu hui gene + Si han gene
+my mummy's gene
+kame,uepi,jin & pi's gene
= Solemate
= Cole

XDD

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:27 AM

Sunday, December 05, 2010

I.Miss.Bakanishi.Fat.Jin.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:41 PM

Monday, November 22, 2010

Listening to Kame always makes me sad... nt sad in dat depressed/emo way, melancholic sad maybe? And it always calms me down. Classical conditioning maybe? I remember spending the entire day out at sea with the earphones attached to my ears and aishiteru kara playing on repeat the entire time. And so listening to that song now always brings back the comforting feeling of being out at sea. I'm like...associating the neutral stimulus (aishiteru kara) with the claming effect of sea waves (the unconditioned stimulus)! hahaa...psych babble... I shld probably stop blogging and go start reading up on repressed memories now. Sighs. Its.never.ending. Seriously..

less than 2 mths to go.

argh.I want my banana shake.

Missed my comfort zone. And food.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:32 PM

yuckyuckyuckyuckyuckkkkkk!
I'm utterly disgusted,
and being totally biased i know...
bt my instincts r almost always right...
bleahh...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:23 PM

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Gawddd...missed the NY days so much, I even dreamt about going back dere last night! Miss the familarity of that place, the 'home-like' feeling it always emanates...miss the chicken rice, the 张老师; the 吴老师; and the 陆老师 . Miss the long breaks , the banana snowshakes and that SoMeOnE who always drools off next to me in class and refused to share her tissue papers(dont let that inflate ur ego). Miss my chinese, my mui fan, the western-store auntie who'd offer me cupcakes and my one,two,threes in school who know me better than I know myself sometimes. Miss the way we'd huddle, goof around and sing stupid songs. Miss how I'd never get loney cos I know I belong there, with people who truly understand and accept me for who I am. Miss how I was never afraid to open my heart, saying what I'd truly meant...Miss how no matter what, I've always had a certain xiao bai lian there with me. Bt I guess 天下无不散之筵席，总会有别离的时候。也不算是真正的离别啦，只是我想往事真的只能回味。。。不过我还算是幸运的，因为身边的人，总是都是好人。=）

我真的很看不起鄙视自己母语的人。

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:29 PM

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I soooo hate myself sometimes.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:47 PM

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Sometimes I wish I'm cool, that I am of those people who'd stand firm on their feet and not give a damn about what others had to say. Working towards it, bt it still aint gd enough. That enneagram thingy was accurate to the max. I hate it when I cant express myself properly. Argh.

'You want to be passionate, true to your feelings and uniquely authentic. You see yourself as sensitive, expressive and... spiritual. You would like others to see you as idealistic, emotionally deep and compassionate. Your idealized image is that you are accomplished and special. Motivated by the need to understand and to be understood, you desire experiences that are rich with feeling and meaning. You may find it easier to deal with painful emotions than to deal with the tedium of daily routine. You have the temperament of an artist and long to freely express yourself. You feel your emotions deeply and are not afraid to go emotionally where others fear to tread. This includes having an exquisite, intuitive ability to distinguish between subtle emotions that others often miss. Painfully self-conscious, you are often overly focused on how different you are from others.'

Sigh. Banum effect it is. Righhht.

At times, I'd wished the past 10 yrs hadnt happened -that I'm still the ignorant grl with crazy hair, dashing off here and there in my pink hello kitty dress, screaming and screeching whereever I deemed fit without feeling the least bit self-conscious. At least the me ppl saw back den was a wayyyy better and truer (if there's even such a word) person than I ever will be now.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live life completely devoid of emotions. Sure, we wouldnt know what its like to be happy, or how its like to hope, trust and love. But then again, think of the peace and tranquility that would entail- no more rage, hatred , jealousy, selfishness ; Wars begone- no more unprecedented killings, no more tears, no more pain- you wont feel pain when you cant hurt anymore. We might all be living the lives of robots- all routinized and without feeling. But really, when we consider the amount of bad we'd be doing away, this really isnt that bad of an idea.

Spent the last 20 mins searching high and low for my pack of colour markers which turned out to be right on top of the desk I had been using.

Why are we always trying so hard, looking for things that's been in front of us all along?

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:45 AM

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Cried so much that my head's starting to hurt...Dont know why I love doing that to myself so much..Knew I shouldnt have watched that show. But really, it was a beautiful story with its touching theme of familial love that portrays also the fragaility of life. I just wish he didnt have to 'die'...bluahhhh...this is almost as bad as 'One litre of tears' ( Think i cried more than a litre). Everyone, plsplspls stay healthy always okay? I shall go look for fluffy fics to read now.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:25 PM

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Okay. I've got something to say. There's someone I need to thank. Though you most likely wont be reading this, considering that you cant read English. I think. No. not you. You all. Someones. Norrrr.....who else.. XD

Thankyou for always being there whenever I'm feeling blue.
Thankyou for waiting so faithfully everyday, for your smiles that'd always be there via Weely's screen aft a longggg day in sch. ^^
Thankyou for working so hard, for always putting in your 200% that you motivate into wanting to be (and I'll be) diligent too.
Thankyou for being so awesome.
Thankyou for making me smile from the bottom of my heart. =)
Thankyou. <3

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:06 AM

Monday, September 13, 2010

Ah well.....I guess everyone is different after all...and by different, I mean we like different stuff, see the good and bad in different things, have different beliefs, morals and fears etc...People often ridicule others for being dissimilar to them; for acting in ways which the former deemed to be weird, stupid or inappropiate. Come to think of it, i think everyone's weird in their own ways...Hmmm...weird isnt the right word ...unique maybe?

Lately, I'm coming to respect people who can appreciate solitude more and more. Those who dont feel the need to be constantly surrounded by heaps of people, who aren’t afraid of what others might think of their alone-ness, who dont need the constant chatter around them to feel at ease. Like...these people are okay with being alone too; they are strong and self-assured, they dont need a buffer of people arnd them all the time to be assured that they belonged; that they're still wanted and accepted.

Yepx...I mean...friends are important definitely. Okay...sidetracking a bit here. Just...I could never fully understand how to some people, the crux of friendship is to acquire as many as possible; how they can sometimes get so caught up with the mere appearance of sociability that the depth of friendship dont matter anymore. Even though u guys probably already know, I think it matters not the number of contacts u've stored in your phone or how many 'friends' u have on Facebook. At the end of the day, what really counts is how many of those you can actually talk to when you'd need a listening ear , or say, a shoulder to cry on. True friends are the ones you’d go to at your lowest, the ones to whom its okay to reveal your weaknesses, flaws, and always be yourself with ; because you know they love and accept you just the way you are. Those whom you can only look to in times of happiness, whom you can only laugh with, but not cry with...well… And for those who thrived on nothing more than social desirability, who flitted about from friend to friend, who never gave a damn and never treasured friendship...how much is that mere appearance of popularity worth really?

Back to the solitude topic...Indeed, humans are social creatures. We cant live alone, we are dependent on others like the way they needed us back, yes, I get it -its inevitable, we're just born that way. So of course we'd need all that social support we can get to make it through everyday life. By solitude, I dont mean complete isolation from everyone (Dont think anyone can do that too)...Just sometimes, I think its nice to be alone too—away from the bureaucracies of everyday life, from the forced cheer and layers of facades we’d put up in front of acquaintances. Its nice, both the ME-time and the peaceful quietness it entails. And i find it so much easier sometimes to be on my own than to mingle and keep up with awkward appearances. Of course, if they’re your friends (nt mere acquaintances) then it’s a completely different matter. I guess that’s why I could never really understand how some people are so afraid of being alone. Bt wells….probably everyone’s afraid of loneliness to some extent. When its not heightened to the extreme though, being alone helps me to sort out my thoughts, and I find that every time I do, I’m one step closer to understanding myself better and being at ease with who I’m. =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:18 AM

Monday, August 23, 2010

I guess.....I should really stop.....




















Like turn it off....

























enjoyable as its been ,
































I.cant





























Concentrate
























With Kame screaming Ai shi teru AT ME every few secs...!!! ^^


























Stressful as life can be,
these simple comforts that keep me going
I wouldnt trade
for anything
Mummmy's hot porridge on a rainy night;
Ice cream on a hot day;
Your smiles,our bond, our laughter;
The strength in their voices;
Like stars on the clear sky- infinitesimal,but always bright, always shinning


















=) Loves^^

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:39 PM

Friday, July 30, 2010

*phew* another one down...Maybe..maybe if I keep up with this, I'd be really gd at writing one day. Hahas...I may be no good now, bt...writing... really calms me down a lot...of course, thats mostly when there arent deadlines to meet, which almost never happens...Hmmmphh XD Hmm...Have been up to the same old projs and reports routine lately...nt that I'd ever have much of a social life or something...welll I probably wont enjoy it that much anywae. I wonder how they do it sometimes, the socialites...Its like...so much ME-TIME gone!

Saw something a little while ago...And I gotta admit...Crazy as its sounds, I'm gonna miss smiling to myself like that... Not that I wont ever be doing that la, jus not the same smile anymore..only *certain ppl* can elicit that kindda smile frm mee =D *winks*...I think I really am crazy...Day-dreaming and smiling-to-myself aside, I love reading really sad stories that always have me bawling like nobody's business at the end ...Guess I've got er...weird means of de-stressing....It works tho. Really.OkAy, jus a short post here, I'm gonna go bac to smiling n crying again..I know this sounds like a really stupid way to be spending free time, bt I wouldnt hav it any other way! XP

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:54 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2010

'Its nt the 1st time this happened...this time, the damage isnt as big...we're used to this already,so really...this time... it isnt tough at all,'

Rigggghttt. Then why hav you been all preoccupied and uncertain the entire time? Beneath that exterior of collected indifference, you probably are hurting more than everyone of them put together...And the bitterness underlying all that jovial talk? Yes, everyone of us caught it. Its no surprise that you'd feel obliged to take it all upon yourself again - braving all those questions on your own like that.

Your rigid smiles were hardest things we've ever had to watch of all of you. Please, stay strong and hav faith in yourselves. You definitely ARE going to make it...=(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:49 PM

Saturday, July 24, 2010

第一次有着这种心痛的感觉...

A lot of you might think I'm over-reacting, but really, the heartache was indescrible when I saw that he'd be leaving for good. Its nt jus because its HE who would be leaving, bt rather, that the group would never be whole again. Its been 10 years -10 years of friendship, 10 years worth of joy and laughter; pain and tears. You said you'd never leave, that for better or worse you'd stick with them and together, you'd brave through whatever storm comes your way. Whyyyyy why why; HOW, cld you give up so easily on something so precious to you? Sure, you'd all still be around...You might even make it big out there, and they'd probably survive. Afterall no one is indispensible...I guess...the crux of it is that if a bond as strong as that can so easily be broken , then maybe, maybe the concept of kizuna never did exist at all. I cant imagine foursome being the same without either one of us. It jus...wont be right anymore. Like Kat-tun without him,or any other one of them for that matter. That old man doesnt know how badly he's affecting so many of us - sure, they are ALL STILL GOING TO BE AROUND. BUT its been the wholeness and togetheness of the group that had strengthened them, their united voices as one thats been there for us fans through our ups and downs. And if you're gonna just tear them apart frm each other like dat, you'd better be prepared for the repercussions that are definitely going to follow. Grrrr...I hope you know what you're doing , OLD MAN..

Dont know why I'd gotten so emotional..Its probably that display of inevitablity thats gotten me so depressed. Sometimes in life, no matter how much you'd want to hold on to something, no matter how much you dont want to let go, no matter how many self-proclaimations you make about nt giving up, you might just do so at the very end because you simply have to. At the end of the day, nothing is ever certain. Perhaps humans are essentially selfish creatures...Maybe to some people, it's okay to compromise friendship and love for money and fame...I know its probably nt very fair to be making statements like that, afterall, none of us knows whats going on behind the scenes. But ARGH. I.jus.need.to.rant. These people have been there for me throughout my A's -their voices kept me going late at night when I'd be mugging hard for exams, their stupid skits never failed to cheer me up no matter how depressed I'd been -knowing that I'd be going home to Cartoon Kat-tun pulled me through my toughest days in sch. Its just so hard to imagine that I'd never see them sing as a whole again, that the 6-member KAT TUN would be reduced to being something of the past.

Its.not.ever.going.to.be.the.same.anymore.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:14 AM

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I think...
I'm gonna fall sick soon...
Bahhh....where's my kame, pi, uepi or COLE?????!!!
I nid therapy...=(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:54 PM

Friday, July 16, 2010

BA 1001 Topic- how fictions provide us with means of knowing the truth in different time and places:

Fiction sometimes serves as a means of guessing the truth. When events particularly foreign or horrifying to us take place, we look to authoritative figures (the government, the police, our teachers or parents) to unravel the 'truth'. When everyone's failed to provide us with a satisfactory explanation, we look to our own imagination to guess what really happened, or why certain events occurred as they had. We'd ponder; put ourselves in the shoes of those involved, guessing and feeling from different perspectives just so we could ease the anxiety that arose from not knowing.

A good example would be 'Nineteen Minutes' by Jodi Picoult . The main plot follows the occurrence of a high school shooting incident which resulted in several deaths and trauma. In the book, time flashes back and forth between events before and after the shooting, accounted by various characters directly or indirectly involved. It was later revealed that Peter, the main antagonist, was a frequent target of high school bullying and been subjected to long time mockery and humiliation by the other students.

Here, the author attempts to present her version of the truth for the underlying scenes of events like the Columbine High School massacre and the Heath High School shooting. I believe that fiction and truth are not mutually exclusive and that usually; fiction contains some bits of the truth. It provides us with a general rationale, but leaves enough space for guessing and imagining. Sometimes, when it is impossible to derive at a'real truth' ; guessing is the best means we have of knowing what really happened at a particular time or place. =)

~~~~~~~~
Something I wrote for BA. This is revised, only after I posted did i realised I've missed out on some parts...=S argh...

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:38 AM

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Am disgusted at the world;
sick n tired of myself.
ARGH.
I want to be a kid again.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:26 AM

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I miss running... =(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:03 PM

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I think.
I want MacDonalds nw....
But ARGH...
Delivery takes 45 mins?!!!!
Am starving already...
So...Delivery or not??
Argh. AND stupid JCU server wont work, carn start doing my annotated bibliograghy...
Plsplspls...dont let me flunk this sem...=S
Okay. Chicken and corn soup it is.
Think I'll try the delivery later.
Ciao. Sry for the incoherent post. Must be starved outta my mind. =SS

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:15 PM

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Hmmmgghhh.....a lot's taken place lately...the past few days felt kindda terrible...wif so many things gg on admist the progs and assignmemts , and no one i could really really talk to...bt things happened today that got me thinking quite a lot - I really should be grateful for the so many angels surrounding me- my sch friends for taking gd care of me =) , Des, for always being there to offer assistance when i needed them , and most importantly, TH and u guys, for knowing me so, so ,so well that I know I cld always turn to u to rant knowing that whatever I say will be listened to without warranting unwanted judgements and assumptions.

This particular angel knew me so well that when I said stupid and shallow stuff dat I dont mean, she saw right through me, rolled her eyes , and went'RIGHT. Like YOU care about stuff like dat..' ^^.. The other angels were awesome too. One shot me a knowing look quite awhile ago when I gt called 'stupid' by a Baka (she knew exactly wad i was thinking), while the other told the Baka off on spot. Another angel's like a more advanced version of Spongebob....always ready to listen and offer support. Hugs and cookies too, if necessary. They know me so well, better than I know myself sometimes. Maybe, maybe God didnt grant me a soulmate because he felt the angels are sufficient to keep me going. If that really is the case , I guess I will be okay with it too. Its the best feeling in the world knowing that no matter how bad things gt , there are ppl who would always be dere to really listen, and be on your side- no matter how minute their support might be.

I love my angels.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:38 AM

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I'm regreting it. Really regreting. Why on earth do I hav to go about telling ppl how free I am? Freaking 3-day wk.....argh.....RIGHT. AS IF. Its the 2nd wk of sch. 2nd wk! And already, dere r 3 assignments due this mth (1 due per wk), and 1 test in e comming two weeks. And den, after the one wk break, dere r 2 more assignments due for enviro psych , something else for stats , and a whole load of stuff to study for psychometrics, and oh , i forgot e psychometrics test review. =( Think the coordinators found our previous terms' workload too light, mus be why they r DOUBLING it. I.m.officially.freaking.out. No time to play play already....ARGH.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:33 PM

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wish I'm at the beach right now, sea-gazing. Have been wanting to do that for a long time, I miss chalets and the random stuff we used do at night -the long chats we'd have over nice hot maggi mee, random nightwalks/cycles, watching ppl get drunk (ok...dont really miss that part ). Once, we strolled along the shore at 3am in the morning, lamely singing very old songs at the top of our lungs. And idiotic as that had seemed, I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Years went by, and yet, it feels like only yesterday when we were still goofing around; naive,innocent and without a care in the world. And now, we are all grown up - too 'mature' to be playing scoccer in void decks, waddling in the mud and singing stupid songs ...Sometimes I wonder where all the time had gone to.

Guess I had a bit of insight into how ppl who are always reminiscing and living in the past felt. Like... the world arnd you is changing so swiftly, you want to keep up, you try so hard, and yet you just cant seem to be able to catch up. And when you see everyone else all determined, venturesome and well-assured ahead of you, you falter in your steps and start to recline. You have only the past to hold on to -the comfort zone where you still belonged, where life still made sense. When things start getting overwhelming, you cling on harder to this past that you feel is the only thing you're left with - you start isolating yourself from friends who are starting to feel like strangers, from strangers who had aruptly entered; and are ridiculously dictating your life like they owned it, from the mundane bureacacies of everyday life that didnt, and never had, made sense. And you begin to ponder - why is it that everyone else is adapting so effortlessly while you're barely managing? How is it that no one misses the times when things always fitted nicely, where there was no need for facades, nor fretting over financial burdens, nor office politics,nor the incessant struggle for social acceptance? And in times like that, you feel truly, truly alone... Perhaps thats why its so difficult to snap out of the past and to start living in the present again.

Think I'm a bit like dat at times...quite stubbonly resistant to changes and always looking back. Maybe even sub-consciously I'm like dat..Even after having moved for 7 yrs, I still have frequent dreams of the house I'd used to live in, and its always 'MY one and only house'. Like my subconscious's never truly accepted the fact that we've moved.Interesting isnt it? I'd truly missed the old times - the 'catching' days , the 'goofing-around-days' where we had been so carefree, so happy and so easily contented. I remember how, just a pack of SuperRing can make my day...(Haaa...I look at the pile of work primary sch kids are assigned to nowadays and the amount of time they spend in front of computers, and wonder if their parents know just how much; and what, their kids are really missing out on.)Back then, things seemed much simpler, and the right and wrongs' have never been more obvious. Bt I guess its inevitable tho, that most Humans are forward-looking. Afterall we wouldnt have civilized and advanced so rapidly if we had all been stuck in the past... =S

Okay...enough of my rantings...I cant believe I've written so much...its surprising how therapeutic writing can be, and how much time it actually helps kill when you're bored...XD

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:06 AM

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Rain
范晓萱

我怀念有一年的夏天
一场大雨把你留在我身边
我看着你那被淋湿的脸
还有一片树叶贴在头发上面
那时我们被困在路边
世界不过是一个小小屋檐
你说如果雨一直下到明天
我们就厮守到永远

rain...
falling in my heart
你的声音仍然深印我心田
世界改变你也改变
我在海角天边

rain...
falling in my heart
你的诺言虽然没有实现
爱是雨点落在昨天
永不放晴的缠绵

我怀念有一年的夏天
一场大雨把你留在我身边
我看着你那被淋湿的脸
还有一片树叶贴在头发上面

那时我们被困在路边
世界不过是一个小小屋檐
你说如果雨一直下到明天
我们就厮守到永远

rain...
falling in my heart
你的声音仍然深印我心田
世界改变你也改变
我在海角天边

rain...
falling in my heart
你的诺言虽然没有实现
爱是雨点落在昨天
永不放晴的缠绵
rain...
falling in my heart
rain...
falling in my heart
rain...
falling in my heart
rain...
falling in my heart
rain

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:15 AM

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Sometimes i think i suck...whats the point of learning and knowing so much, when in the end you cant even help the one you'd wanted to save most? Sometimes looking at them scares me...like time passes so fast, and still, i havent found the courage to say things I'd meant to say. I wish i'm verbally expressive like some ppl...wish i cld talk more, and like...jus.stop.thinking so much...Wish I'm nt the oblivious and naive person everyone thinks I'm. Or at least that they would stop stereotyping and assuming things that arent true. Or that I'd someday find the courage to rebuke them in the face... I wish I'm nt so extreme dat I do 360* switches arnd diff ppl. Putting up so many layers of facade is exhausting, and sometimes, I dont know who I really am anymore. My head still hurts. Gonna slp soon. I shld realli stop thinking so much. And say, be normal and stop sleeping at 5 am in the morn. And like stop bloody crying over stupid things.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:13 AM

Thursday, May 27, 2010

my head still hurts...and i'm still slp deprived...e exams really did considerable damage on my hit points...'m running on 10/24...argh. nt very corehent now... going bac to slp...=(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:15 PM

Saturday, May 22, 2010

KAILI!!! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!! I'VE BECOME LIKE YOU! lols....kept wanting to fall asleep while studying....guess studying on e bed isnt such a gd idea aftall...argh.
8hrs.of.sleep.is.nt.enuff.
I'm so gonna revert t a healthy lifestyle aft e exams. Shall sleep at 2am latest everyday and try actually waking up in the MORNING. And exercise. And eat healthy. I promise i will. =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 4:18 PM

Monday, May 17, 2010

I'm never going to eat so much again.
Have been feeling so sleepy for the past hr cos I'm so bloated.
BAHHHHH...20 more pages to go -_-

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:04 PM

Friday, May 14, 2010

Shows I'm going to watch after exams:

1.Proposal daisakusen
2. Mr. Brain (HA..I'm probably going to understand some of meds terms)
3. 一切完美
4. 真情 (yes, dat HK wan)

Hmm... Oh....and things to do...

1.ice skate
2.k-box
*3.Beach! Sea gazing & cycling anyone? PLSPLSPLS!!
4.dat farm thingy wif u all..(if we're still going)
5.Overseas with parents (once my dad overcomes his fear of flying)
6.Exercise...hmm...definitely exercise..I wan my stamina back!
7.Movies (ECLIPSE!!!!)
8.Just hang out and chill
9.food.GOOD FOOD
10.write a story maybe?
11.Shopping??

ok..dats all for now...bac t report-editing again...=(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:24 PM

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Am extremely irritable lately.
And nth makes sense, still.
I'm so sensitised to movement now, I swear I keep hearing things.
Am afraid of my own room.
Pls pls pls, stay away from me.
Argh.Back t report..
Shall call for McDlivery later =D

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:01 PM

Monday, May 10, 2010

Dere's another one in my parents room while i was doing my report there!!
This one is BIG
And it flies.
God...
WHY ARE THESE THINGS FOLLOWING ME AROUND!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:47 PM

I'm soooo pissed now. I carn believe IT had the nerve to get INTO my room and CRAWLED ALL OVER ME- WHILE I WAS HELPLESSLY ASLEEP. I'm NOT stepping another foot in there TILL I'M SURE ITS GONE. DAMN DAT DISTUSTING CREATURE. I HOPE IT DIES HORRIBLY. I cant believe my parents actually told me to 'LET IT BE'. IT.CRAWLED.ON.ME!

GET OUT OF MY ROOM U UGLY MUTANT.

ARGH.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY REPORTS DONE WITH DAT THING THERE?!!

!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&* !!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:08 PM

the.glass.is.half.empty
why am i always like dat?!
argh.
jus.go.away

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:34 PM

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Was taking a break from stupid report when i saw heard something. Den i started grinning,and grinning,and grinning soooo hard dat my jaws hurt. =S Still grinning now and i carn seem to stop.Omg.I think i've finally gone bonkers. =D

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:12 AM

Monday, April 26, 2010

Okay, I've made up my mind. I'm extending my 2-yr degree course before going 4 e Honours(IF i can make it for the honours). Just set my schedule for the remaining mods,so yepx...wuld be extending by a term. There's no way I cld manage 4 *lvl 2's/3's in less den 3 mths, dats pure insanity. I love psych and realli hope to do well...and so if dat means taking a detour, I'm guess I'm fine wif it. Just dont feel like rushing through my stuff anymore - 2 mths+ definitely isnt enuff for the chunks of info we hav to devour each term & the endless reports due week after week. Sometimes it literalli feels like we're chasing after an express train. I dont want to hav to rush so much, get so stressed up, and end up hating wad I'm doing.Sighs.Hope I am doing the right thing.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 8:20 PM

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Thought I'd take a break from health psych n blog for a while.Gosh I'm so so so tired, 've gt no idea how everyone else put up wif this ... Nth i wrote seemed to make any sense! GAHHHHHHH!!!! Jus a lil while more... 7 more weeks, 7 more weeks and we'll be getting our well-deserved break! I carn wait to ice skate, piggout everyday, watch kame's newest drama , and get our ringring! Lets go to the beach okay? And cycle for a bit too! Hang on dere u all, we r getting dere!!

Ah, one more thing.I'm sooooo happy for someone! Warms my heart to see u like dat, all smiles and laughter. Stay happy okays? XD

Haa....gtg bac to muggin...c u all soon!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:29 PM

Monday, April 19, 2010

Okay...I've been wanting to do this for a long time...
Tada~~!





A smile is only beautiful when it comes from the heart...
And when people shine,they do it from the inside...=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:00 PM

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I wish.it wuld.snow.in Singapore.
Hailstones arent ok i guess...
Dont think my umbrellas can handle them.

A vacation would be great.Am dying for one...

Checklist:
A change of environment.
Good food everyday.
Nice wind.
Fun places to play in.
Stars to gaze at.
3/4 to be with.
Kat-Tun to ogle stare at.

Hmm....
I'm nt veh coherent right now.
Mus be de stupid milk tea...
Its making me sleepy... >.<
Lets definitely do sumthin tgt this june ok...
Oei..you, you and you...
I.wan.my.ring.
XD

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 12:22 AM

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dont know why, bt i had this sudden, foreboding sense of doom...Might be due to e upcoming stats test, or the brain one coming right up, or the three reports due soon which i havent touched at all...Hav got so much to do and i'm NOT the slightest bit motivated...Somehow, even while all geared up for x mas and counting down to it, I wish it wouldnt come so soon...Damn...I'm scared...there are people and stuff I'm not ready to face yet...Dont want to be compared to ,or judged, or maybe even secretly scoffed at... I do love them and will definitely be happy for them...Whatsmore it probably wont be anyone's intention to hurt anyone...And yet somehow, i know what those seemingly innocent words wuld do to me... It isnt even such a big deal, I dont know what my problem is... Everyone went through dat before, and so, its my turn now...I'll jus hav to TAKE IT and be a gd spot..or act like one anywae. It would probably be wise to ....do some emotional regulation, like the way we're taught in health psych...A change of perception perhaps, positive appraisal... like looking on the bright side... Argh...I'm totally babbling....Okay, just need to vent...I'm going to be okay.I'm strong. I can make it. Its no big deal. Everything will be okay.

I'm gg to go bac to studying. And later on, I shall take my daily dose of Kat-tun stress-relieving energy booster... really need to see uepi's smile now..And it probably wont be such a gd idea to read another fic on kame dying..=(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 10:09 PM

Friday, April 02, 2010

刚刚在 facebook 得知一则重大的喜讯- Ms Tee快要结婚了!!! 真的很为她感到高兴。。。过后又参观了她的 Blog, 看见她曾为我们每一个学生所写下的留言。这沟起了在新民的点点滴滴，让我感触特别深。很庆幸自己一直以来都归一群这么优秀的华文老师指导，让我没有失去对华文失的热忱。老师们对待学生总是那么的贴心- 担心我们跟不上课业，‘强迫性’提供无限量的consultation，会考时期马不停蹄的补课作为最后冲刺，因为怕我们挨饿没有精神上课免费提供水果；饼干等充饥。

很难想象没有他们，那数十年来的学习生涯我们会是怎么过的。也许我们会像很多人一样，鄙视母语，或是渐渐忘去自己的‘根’，失去自我。但有一无法否认的事实 -我们终究是华人，不管其他语言说得再好都还是。。。最起码我们也应该保持对自己文化应有的尊重，不至于用‘讨厌’ 这二字来形容它。 当然，这并不表示我们可以歧视其他语言，或是说我们不该欣赏其他民族文化。。。所以谁说人只能擅长/接触一种语言? 我喜欢英文，爱看日剧，但我同样爱华文，也永远，永远不会放弃它。。。=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:36 PM

Friday, March 26, 2010

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, and yet, the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get on without it, and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet, a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is of no value to anyone until given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown

To someone who has the most beautiful smile ever.
Keep smiling, Keep shining.
Because your smile brightens up my days,
and many others' as well I'm sure...=)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:43 AM

Monday, March 22, 2010

GAAAWWWDDDD....WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR FREAKIN PROBLEM?!!! WHY WONT U GROW UP AND START ACTING LIKE YOUR AGE! WHY CANT YOU FREAKIN' UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?!!! ARGH...!DAMN GUYS AND THEIR STUPID TESTOSTERONE!MINDLESS IDIOTS! @#$%^&!@#$%!!!

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 11:37 PM

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Crazy min and kuku qing,
you guys totally made my day =D
I miss shitty kai. =(
I still lurbe PI.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:23 AM

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Honestly, I dont know what I'm doing here, blogging, when I'm supposed to be doing something remotely useful...like maybe studying..Am lagging behind all my tuts and readings r starting to pile up everywhere. Yet I jus cant seemed to get motivated enough to START DOING ANYTHING. Have been lazing my days away just rotting and videoing. Am dying for a break already, and I've been in sch for what, less den 20 days since sch's started? What's a break worth anyway? 2 weeks? 3 weeks? Sometimes I wish we'd HURRY UP AND JUST GRADUATE ALREADY.But then again, dat would mean entering the wrkforce. Bt I guess dats life. Its hectic, crazy, nerve-wrecking, and wuld probably remain that way till we're all wrinkled and hagged in our 60's/70's. That's really the only stage of life where we'd actually get to enjoy it. And still ,there remains people who arent even lucky enuff to live thru that... =(

Something happened today that made me realise jus how fragile life can be. Nth dramatic took place, bt that little incident had me pondering. What happens when one day our time's up? Or when we'd suddenly realise that it wont be long till death comes knocking on our door? Indeed, death is an inevitablity; granted,we are one step closer to it each day.不过人本来就不是仅仅为自己而活的动物。我们需要旁人的关心与呵护，同时也需要被他人倚赖，被人重视。 因此，当爱和倚赖已成为习惯时，失去就等于万般无法形容的痛楚。 死亡带走的，不仅是病患者的性命，夺走的，也将是亲人一部分的生命。这种痛，也许只有亲身经历过才能真正体会。生命是如此的脆弱，但又多么的顽强- 在旷野也中挣扎求存的野花野草，在病房里坚强与病魔奋斗的病患者。。。 或许眼前最为重要的，并不是能赚够多少钱共大洋房；大气车，更不是名利，或权力。或许我们真正应该做到的，是珍惜眼前的人和事，充实地度过每一天，这样最起码不会虚度生命，也没有对不起自己。

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:26 AM

Sunday, March 14, 2010

pi, kuah-mei, fat-gene and woo-air-da rocked my socks....! =)

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 5:34 PM

Saturday, March 13, 2010

This song expresses my feelings towards you,you,and you better than any others ever will. Not sure how accurate the translations are, but then again, you guys wuld probably do a better job figuring it out den i will. =)

Kizuna (Bond)
By Kamenashi Kazuya

先のこと どれ程に考えていても
本当のことなんて 誰にも見えない
空白？　心に何かがつまって
あやまちばかり くり返してた
No matter how many times I think of the things that have happened
Nobody sees what's really happening
A blank...something chokes my heart
And I can only revisit my mistakes

*
一歩ずつで　いいさ この手を離さずに
共に歩んだ日々が 生きつづけてるから
ボロボロになるまで 引きさかれていても
あの時の　あの場所 消えない　この絆
It's okay if its a step at a time, just don't let go of my hand
Because we'll go on living the days we spent together
No matter how worn, how shattered we get
Right then, right there, this bond won’t ever fade
*

流れゆく時間の中 失わぬように
すれ違い ぶつかった本当の気持ち
心に染みてく あいつの想いに
出逢えた事が　求めた奇跡
As time flows on, I hope we won't lose
Those intense sentiments of when our fates interwined
My heart is stained with memories of them
Meeting you was the miracle I've hoped for

立ち止まることさえ 出来ない苦しさの
中に見えた光 つながっているから
うそついたって　いいさ 涙　流していいから
あの時の　あの場所 消えない　この絆

Because even amid the pain of being unable to stop in my tracks
I see a glimmer of light
It's okay even if I've lied, because my tears are flowing
Right then, right there, this bond will never fade

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Have you ever been surrounded by heaps of people, and yet felt completely alone?

Sometimes I wish I werent quite as pathetic and dependent. Its time to grow up I guess...Its good to know though, that some things wont ever change. I jus, DONT.WANNA.GROW.UP.

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 2:45 AM

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I misssssss PI !! Kept getting distracted in class by PI-values and GENE'S ...Felt like a complete idiot when i had to ultilise my supreme self-control to refrain frm giggling out loud like some crazy fangrl...Hehes...this fettish (I refuse to call it obsession) probably wont last, bt who cares right, so long as I'm happy like, RIGHT NOW...

Enjoyed my lonng weekend break thoroughly... Really am touched by some of the things u guys did...I still cant believe though, that i fell for the same trick THRICE!! Quoting Kai, ' I thought she'd definitely guess what we're up to, even though she's yv,'...I hate to admit it, bt she totally over-estimated me...I think i gt the BAKANESS from BAKANISHI GENE, sometimes it really feels like I'm down with some premature alzheimier disease! Yikes!

Had an interesting outing dat time , we seemed to always end up wif impactful experiences everytime we myt..I cant fully agree with everything you've said , because I still believe, and WILL continue to believe in the things I stood up for... I respect your opinion and the fact that you cared enough to share...But I have faith in myself , and in these values I've grown up all these years believing. I might be naive, but I WILL adhere to them regardless. And contrary to popular beliefs, the so-called 'majority' do not always constitute the majority. They simply are the more prominent people who tended to get noticed more often. What about the un-typical ones who stood by, and will continure to stand by their principles rather then jus blindly follow the crowd? Just because they are quieter , more passive in nature and more often neglected do nt mean that they are a minority , or even that they do not exist...Being less like the others do not make them any less strong, or any more susceptible to bad influences...What really determines a person's tenacity comes from the inside, not the outside. It matters not how much bad TV a person watches or what everyone else arnd him/her says , bt how firm they are in standing by their beliefs. The crux of e matter is the will , nt the externalities. And in that, every single person varies. While some do fall prey to 'THAT', there are people who would nt. The actions of these so called majority do not represent everyone... Sry if I sound offending, these are stuff I've been wanting to say bt did nt have the chance to. However, I do admire your tenacity and think you really are awesome. Everyone of u guys are in fact. I love you all. Remember that,always.

Hmm...had a wonderful time with the 3/4 too. Time with u guys always seemed to fly. Its the best thing in the world being surrounded by e ppl whom u love and cherish, even when you're doing nth of importance and generally jus wasting time away. Thank you for all your wishes, everyone. And for EVERYTHING. I guess its really true - that its the quality and nt the quantity that counts..Ok...I've been blogging long enuff...time to start TRYING to study.. ciao everyone! Take care! =D

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 1:40 AM

Friday, March 05, 2010

Ueda's love in snow is amazing isnt it? Its one of the most heart-wrenching songs I've ever come across...e Story speaks of an unrequited love- this guy, having lost his loved one, was reminicising her as he stood in the cold watching the falling snow...It went on telling us that behind every flake lies a different story , and that though these memories sometimes still hurt, time heals us bit by bit... I probably didnt do the song justice with my inadequate description, bt i just loved that song and felt like sharing a bit XD...

Back to reality,I cant believe my break's over already! Sch just started this wk , it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be tho...e Workload seemed a little lighter than last term's , (thankgod), and we managed t secure a 3-day wk!! So I should be able to spend more time at home, watching videos of PI! yay! Hmm...I miss e holidays already tho...Had plenty of fun- went ice-skating, bowling, shopping, feasting and managed t watch a movie too! I'm so glad to able to myt up with peeps like idol, ah yi and even my cousins! Missed everyone sooo much , and its so difficult to myt up nowadays! Seeing ah yi really brought back the track days..I kindda miss running =(

Oh, and there's also chia lin's big 21st! I really did enjoyed myself ... missed e NY days- long breaks, random dozing off in classes, kopitiam interventions...the gd old days.. Why do people have to grow up? If possible, I'd rather stay a kid forever. But things change , and people change too..Sometimes they changed so much, you feel like you dont really know them anymore...Like you're now watching a stranger whom you've known since forever... But argh..changes are inevitable arent they?

Havent been feeling so good lately...What with the endless coughs, sniffles , and random palpitations... But I WILL get better...I WILL takecare of myself, I WILL drink lots of water and stop feeding on junk.... I WILL stop thinking so much ... and I SHOULD probably start studying too... I cant believe its 2.41pm already! I've lost my entire afternoon jus like that! like =S....ok...gtg....I will see you soon , whoever's reading this.. ciao....And takecare too you guys...e weather's terrible nowadays... =(

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 3:33 PM

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hey guys!! After 5 long years of being pronounced dead, this blog's finally alive again! Thankyou everyone for your support XD!! I've long wanted to revive under-e-sky , bt lost my previous template...which i loved! And some things once you've lost, you just cant find them back again, no matter how hard you try =(...Hmm...I shall begin with a TyPiCaL Happy CNY greeting! Happy new yr u guys! Its been a longg yr , so much has taken place and thankfully, like always, I've got you 3/4 of foursome here to share with me my joy and sorrows..Thank you for being here, bearing with my **insufferable** whines, complains, my kukuness etc. I believe that even all hagged and toothless in our 80's , we'll still myt up for our usual ice cream and chit-chat sessions! Might have t moderate a bit tho...perhaps we can hav lim kopi or teh-oh sessions instead..

Am thinking of posting my short stories up here, (if I ever get motivated enough to write them ) and maybe some random thoughts as well... U all know how random i get...so dont be surprised if i start rambling on abt food out of nowhere..Bt heck...I'm always thinking about food anyways.. =P Ah, i shall end this post here, gg food-hunting! Enjoy the music, took me a long time to choose them! (Credits to ant for her expertise! muacks!) =D

NeverGoingtObeEraseD. signed off at: 7:31 PM