Waving around a cookie like a magic wand

Are you alright?
You look teary eyed.

Naw I'm fine.
Sall good.

Guess you're just bleary eyed.
From poor lifestyle choices.
Remember to apply for loans.
You're a debt fueled student.
(You blew all your money, remember?)
And don't bring anymore girls home.
It's not like you're staying with Emi,
Who you know and love.
(You ripped that asunder, remember?)
You don't even know these girls.
I don't like it.
And don't smoke in your room.
It's disrespectful.
Make your own money and get your own place,
If you feel the need to smoke,
And spend the night with girls you don't know.
Are you alright?
You look teary eyed.

Naw I'm fine.
I'm just bleary eyed from poor lifestyle choices.

Oh, and remember I signed you up for a dentist appointment on Wednesday.

Yeah I remember. I remember. Bye, I'm off to work.

Goodbye. I love you.

Love you too Mom.

Him and Her

They are in my head and I cannot get them out.
This is vastly detrimental to my well being.
You ever try to not think about something?
Impossible.
I blast it right out my skull with loud music.
I drown the offending image in beer and smoke.
I hide in a book, seeking to live someone else's problems.
Time tested methods, but they are only temporary.
How do I get them out of my head?
Ever try to run from your own feet?
Deny the causal nature of your own actions?

Jeez man, you want everyone to acknowledge their implicit support for mass murder of all varieties and you fall apart over the idea of some kids having sex seven hundred miles away?

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Don't drive out the image.
Learn to live with it.
It is the new reality.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
I embrace the causal nature of my actions.
All that is before me, I have in part created.
I forgive myself.
I forgive myself.
I forgive myself.
I would forgive you, but there is nothing to forgive.
This is a beautiful world we live in.
Drones over Pakistan and funny business in what I used to call my bed.
Sad smiling poets and the coming of Spring.
A second shot at higher education and beer.
There is always beer.
Solid backup plan.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Peace and Love.
Love and Peace.

I have a dream or two

I fall asleep tipsy turvy, and awaken much the same. But in between, I dream. Often I am being chased by this or that. Or traversing some strange yet oddly familiar land filled with mysterious and vaguely threatening inhabitants. The threat of violence frequently hangs just above my head, but not always and not tonight. Tonight I dream of only peace and laughter. Tonight I dream of a beautiful summer day, the first of July to be precise. The year? Deliberately undefined. The sun is shining, it is a vibrant mid-afternoon. A smattering of fluffy white clouds drift lazily through the air, morphing shapes as they move. I lay in the fresh green grass and look up at the sky. Not a care in the world as I gaze up from my bed of green at a sea of blue. I could lie here forever, alone with the sky and the grass. But I am not alone. I'm at the Mid-Years Party. I sit up and my view becomes dominated by dozens of grinning faces. Tommy and Edward and Isabelle and Johnathan and Julie and Bob and Jackie all jostling in a sea of smiles. Soon I am laughing. We are all laughing, just laughing at the greatness of it all. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing. Kites soar through the heavens. Great big colorful kites the size of camels! In all shapes, there is a red firebreathing dragon and a yellow airplane and a cloud shaped kite! Kites and clouds and kites shaped like clouds, all dancing in the sky. They shall soon have more friends, as Roger is rolling out a giant tank of helium and jumbo balloons. Cute and friendly pups run bounce through gently sloping hills chasing frisbees and rolling around on the ground. Charlie shoos a few away from the Javelin Zone. Lizzie is pulling foot and a half mega darts out of the side of the shed. Olivia and Liam sit under willow, blowing prodigious smoke rings from that humongous purple hookah of theirs. They are barely visible under the drooping branches of the mighty tree. I bet they are canoodling under there the lovable scamps. The Barefoot Hipsters run back and forth kicking a futbol. Randy and Fred are juggling five rings between them, standing a good twenty feet apart. How do they do that? I stand up. Stretch my legs. Crack my back. Leap into the air and for a brief moment I am in the sky, hanging in space with the clouds and kites and kites shaped like clouds. Just as quickly I am back on the ground. Sophia is singing such a lovely tune. Noah is hammering out such a vigorous beat on those drums. Acoustic guitars serenade the countryside. So I dance. We all dance. Jumping and bopping, kicking and waving, we get down! We dance and dance and laugh and sing and dance until we can't dance any more. Until we collapse in a pile of quivering bodies upon the ground. The sun falls into the hills soon after and we watch it cut through the blue sky leaving a trail of red. We lay upon the grass, not a care in the world. We watch the stars and dream of worlds across the galaxy. Are there other Mid-Year party goers out there? Do one of those pinpricks of light hold clouds and kites and cloud shaped kites? I hope so.

Down at the Database

I slide into an unassuming black computer chair, roll up to the monitor. I quiver in anticipation. I feel the pieces falling into place. Start browsing, typing, searching, scrolling, taking it all in. Here I am, at the Central Database. Here it is, all in front of me. Documentation of two centuries of lies and false flag attacks. The War on Terror, Vietnam, the fucking Mexican American War does anyone care about that! Of course they don't, at a certain point it is just ancient history. Not everyone has an attention span measured in centuries. But here it is, right in front of me, proof of a continuous and deliberate strategy of violence, deception, and domination. The assassinations of MLK and JFK. The devastation of the Latin Republics. The secret human testing in St. Louis. Oh wait, isn't the gassing of St. Louis by secret military agencies already public knowledge? And the funding of South American Death Squads is pretty out there too. The government was found guilty of assassinating MLK in a civil suit and only a fool thinks a lone gunman shot the president, haven't you heard of Operation Northwoods? Let's see I got Bush lying about WMDs and Obama droning civilians, all public. Funding dictatorships, overthrowing democracies. Public, public. Goddamnit I need something new. Distortion of democracy through gerrymandering and lobbying. Public. Funneling millions and billions to corporations while the poor suffer. Basic fucking common knowledge. Giving guns to Mexican drug cartels, letting banks off the hook for laundering money for Mexican drug cartels. All public of course. Fuck do you have any secrets Central Database or did you tell everyone exactly what evil you were up to!? Working with Google, Facebook,  AT&T, Verizon, and others to spy on all Americans. Made public by a multitude of whistle-blowers including the NSA's own agent Edward Snowden. Poisoning Iraq with uranium bullets. You guessed it, public. CIA infiltration of the media. The enlistment of Nazi scientists and officers. The terrorist campaign against Cuba culminating in Operation fucking Northwoods. Are you kidding me!? Here I am with access to the Central Database and I might as well be a bored teenager with an internet connection. All of their lies are sitting out in the open, hiding amongst the common truths and unfortunate realities. There is no grand secret to unveil, these murderers air their dirty laundry out in the sun. Operation fucking Northwoods. Are you kidding me!? Google that in between your Instagram and your SnapChat. See if you can figure out what it means when the Joint Chiefs of Staff suggest blowing up an American ship in Guantanamo Bay and blaming Cuba. What if the President rejects this plan, and the only reason we can read this document in the first place is because it was declassified during the investigation of said president's untimely demise? I am screaming this, just screaming to no one. I stand in an empty room. Spit flying, veins popping, face red. Row upon row of empty desks. Silent monitors. Words bouncing off the walls. Screaming and screaming and screaming. Only the monitors stare back. Silent. Smug. These fucking monitors thinking they're so smart, like they got this whole game in the bag. I sit back down. Rest my head in my hands. Ah jeez what the hell am I going to do?            

Headache

Today I am not King of anything. I'm just a resident of Girard Ohio. A resident who is being driven slowly insane by the buzzing. This factory literally buzzes for miles and miles. The same factory that caused earthquakes. The factory that produces pipes for fracking. Fracking, the process of extracting natural gas by pumping poison into the ground. The factory were my buddy will soon be working, making a very decent wage. Which is awesome. I'm glad he is getting a job. I'm glad people working there have a good income. But I would have that factory evaporate off the face of the planet if I had the choice. This factory is fucking loud man. I dont't dig it. My buddies get a little too loud for the neighbors on New Years and the cops roll up, but fill a whole goddamn town with a high pitched whine and that's just good business? I say we all call in noise complaints, shut down this poison party. Pollute the air, contaminate the water, do whatever you want as long as you do it quietly, but fill the air with your garbage? Shit is going down.

Day 2

Reports flow in and the radio chatters, like it has been all day. The White House is a piece of the past now, and I say good riddance. All chandeliers and gold trim. Vaulted ceilings and boring paintings and more gold trim. The Old Guard bombed that building to smithereens. Can't kill me though I get my intel from the Future. I've set up shop in the Congressional Library, feeling much better surrounded by books. Found a rather exquisite spinny chair to rest my rump in as well. My Inter-dimensional Space Pirates (how else did you think I became King?) are making solid progress against the Old Guard, but the fighting is fierce. Shrug. Not my area of expertise. I leave that stuff to Supreme Commander Myers. He's prolly smashing in skulls with his new robot suit right now that lovable bastard. After Myers captures the Central Database I will be able to reveal the true depths of the old regimes depravity. But until then I have work to do. Gotta stop listening to the play by play of this gunfight and get down to business. Time to save the world.

     Effective immediately the Department of Defense shall have its budget cut in twain, with further cuts pending. Nuclear arsenals and oversea bases shall be dismantled to promote World Peace.
      The $350 billion saved shall be split between education, poverty relief, healthcare, and research. Primary research project: Tesla Towers, to provide and transmit free and sustainable energy wirelessly around the world. 

Why is there always money for war but not enough to feed the poor? Well not anymore...well really there isn't any money at all. It's all in the red. Billion here, hundred million there, and it never adds up. Always there is debt. My brother is pushing for a takeover of the Federal Reserve. Of course the money system is broken but how to make it work? Man this is giving me a headache. How to end manufactured scarcity? And what about setting up the return of democracy? Real democracy, protected from past corruption.

     No sales tax on anything under $300.

Like that solves anything. Sales tax does suck though. Very regressive. Hits the poor the hardest. And now it doesn't! See, I solved something. If I can just get those Tesla Towers up and running that would be clutch. Might be priority uno. Hmmmm..... Lost deep in thought. Alone in the middle of a gigantic room. Alone in my mind. The radio buzzes to life. It's the Supreme Commander. "Hey Maxy boy, the Central Database is secure. Headed back to the nest to scoop you. Over and out." "Perfect," I scream, to absolutely no one, "Just what I needed. Don't need to make my regime better right this second. Only need to show the world what kind of fuckers were running this show before I arrived." 

My first day as King of America

I look out the Oval Office to a beautiful Spring day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, the naysayers have gathered to chant for my destruction. I survey my new office, making a mental note to redecorate the place after I get the country sorted out. It is far too stuffy. The chair is not as comfortable as I would have expected. Maybe the chair should be the first order of business? Can't combat the folly of man whilst sitting on an uncomfortable chair, that would be lunacy. No, no must get to work. I will muscle through.

     From this point onward all previously illegal drugs shall be taxed and regulated in a similar manner to tobacco and alcohol. All those in prison for such crimes shall be released. 

I pop that bad boy in the outgoing pile. Looking good, looking good. I flip through my notes. Should save my kingdom bout $100 billion a year. Maybe put $30 billion of that towards medical facilities to treat substance abuse? Hmmm...yeaaaah let's do that. I light up a thin spliff and pour a dollop of Tennessee Honey into my apple cider. Ah yes that reminds me. 

       As we no longer live in a theocracy and also in acknowledgment of the nocturnal habits of many of our citizens, alcohol sales (and all other drug sales for that matter) shall no longer be restricted by day of the week or time of day.

Hmmm... I glance out the window at the hordes of ultra conservatives calling for my blood. I think I will save this bill for later, at the moment it just seems kind of frivolous and self indulgent. Time to get to some meaty stuff. Corporate welfare, taxes on financial transactions. I consult my notes. Ah fuck lets just storm the Federal Reserve mix up how money works. A faint "Down with the Anti-Christ" floats through the window. Ah, lets keep major mix ups to a minimum for now perhaps. 

     Henceforth Wall Street shall pay 1% of all financial trades as tax. 

Alright alright lets seeeee.... hundred billion...carry the 2...take into effect decreased trades but add increased economic stability...  Furious scribbling and note flipping. So do we make $200 billion or $300 billion? Ah damnit I don't know. I would like at least $400 billion. Fuck it, if I need to pay 6% sales tax to buy duct tape Wall Street can live with half that. 

     Henceforth Wall Street shall pay 1% 3% of all financial trades as tax. 

There, now even by my lowest estimates we should be raking in $600 billion a year, plenty enough to eliminate Federal income tax on the lowest 90% of Americans, who only pay in $340 billion. I take a hefty puff from my spliff. Walk to the window and open it. The crowd seems to have grown. They are getting rowdier. Some attempt to climb the fence. My security forces launch volleys of taser shells at the more violent protesters. "Hey fuckers!" I yell, "I just cut your taxes! Go the fuck home!" They do not seem to hear me. Someone throws a Moltov onto the lawn. I close the window and walk back over to that massively disappointing chair. I sit down and lean back. Pop my feet up on the table. Take another puff. Eh, not that uncomfortable after all I suppose.

     Henceforth all products made of GMO crops shall be labeled thusly.
     Henceforth fracking shall be outlawed.
    Henceforth all military aid to foreign nations shall cease. 
     Henceforth the minimum wage shall be $13.50 an hour.

Man I am on a roll. I'm really digging the word henceforth. I did not use it nearly enough before I was King. Alright that is enough for today. Tomorrow I will go to war with the CIA and NSA and that whole alphabet soup. But for now, who wants to go bowling? I hear there is a bowling alley somewhere in the White House, let us go find it.