everything was simple once....

i was just thinking about how when you are a little kid, and even my age. life was and is still simple. You didnt have to worry about the issues, actually if you were lucky you didnt even know that there were issues. i often want to go back to when i was little because there was a lot less to deal with, but then i think, there are major pluses to being older. haha driving (eek) , dating (DOUBLE eek). but they all come with more responsibility, ugh i seriously do not like that word. it seems so very responsible... but thats the point.

Its sad that everyday you get a little older, but a little wiser. you are able to learn new things, and you discover who you are, we are all on that path of becoming adults and finding who we are right? most of of us are unwilling to get older but its inevitable, we all drag our feet but we cant stop the momentum... so to fight.. it is impossible..... but i think of all the joy i can have, completing my senior year, going to college, starting a family and being sealed in the temple...granted im not so nieve i know that there are going to be hardships and things that are going to wiegh me down and seem so out of my control, but i figure if i jump into this growing up process i evolve into a better stronger more independant person.... why not.... then i can teach my children, its ok to grow up... we all have to do it sometime...

this sunday i was listening to given by Bro. Judd he he talked about good better and best, and that got me thinking am i little tyaan doing my best?? i finally came to the conclusion that no i wasnt, i want to be able to go to the temple when im older, am i on the path. sure of course i am i say, but my concern is my will strong enough, will i be like the pioneers and press forward? we are tuaght that in the last days only the faithful will remain, am i faithful enough? am i strong enough? i think i am but some day my road of faith is going to be tryed and i wonder if mine will stand the test of time... im sure i am not the only one thinking this, but one of my friends asked me whats your biggest fear? its not standing up at the last days. i want it so much so i am going to do my BEST.

last day on EARTH

i was once asked if it was your last day on earth what would you do? i was giving the question some thought and one of my friends, who tends to have problems with me being a mormon said," thats easy she would try alchole, smoke,and do all the things she couldnt do because of the consequences.... my friends continued the bantering about what i would do given my last day on earth. only talking about the supposed bad things i would do.... at first i started to get angry, did they not take me serious in my faith, was i not good enough for being a mormon?? i started to doubt myself and listening to my friends assumptions on my life...they eventually got it in thier heads that yes tyaan would party hard on her last day on earth, and for that moment that single instance in time i had doubted myself, and it wasnt because i had supposedly done something wrong, it was because my friends thought they knew me.

But the thought occured to me is that they never let me answer the question. Maybe it was because they already knew the answer and didnt want it confirmed. they all knew very well that i would stay true to my faith, so then after spending way to much time on the subject, the same person who had asked me the question before asked again. it seemed to me they really wanted to know. My friend joking said with a groan,"didnt we just cover this?" and he responded yes but i want her answer, not yours. i was very surprised he didnt go along with what everyone had said about me. so i slowly started to answer and i said, well it basically would be the same as everyday, but i would try to do more for every one.

It would be the simple things... i would tell my mom i love her more often, spend time in the garage with my dad, just do things for my family and friends that i had left on a good note.... and thats when i realized... i needed to do more... i needed to be more involved... the simple things are what make a great and wonderful life.. so i will help my mom out with dinner ...to just do the small things...and try to be that better individual, becuase thats what it comes down to in the end... who you were when you lived.

SEXISM

ok so everyone knows that i play water polo.. my coach is not the sharpest tool in the shed and hes a sissy.... for being an navy seal.... but thats just my opinion. anywho i love the sport thats basically the only reason why i play it... but my coach has this SUPPOSED asstiant coach... ya i dont belive that for a minute... what i mean is the AC has never played any college waterpolo and when he played for highschool it wasnt like he was on a division one team, it was bottom of the rung. he also had a coach who didnt know what he was talking about.. so hes already under qualified... i kept thinking hey maybe the guy will surprise me... and he did alright... by being a sexist pig...

everytime i have gotten the ball or went to shoot he always said that i couldnt do... granted my shot might not be as powerful our as fast as THE GUYS but i make smart shots.... thats why most of mine go in...but when i miss one shot... hes pist saying one of the boys good have gotten it in. my head coach has been saying that i need to shoot more... so i have been while the AC says i need to stop shooting. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?? it doesnt to me so this has been happening for the past week and a half... its summer league so the guys and the girls play on the same team... we are not one team.... its guys verses girls and we are losing considering the fact that there are three of us and one of us is deaf (i love her). not to mention the ACs little brother is on the other team. and if he happens to miss a shot its ok... hes not a girl so it must be fine... i dont know what to do ... i wanna scream and yank my hair out.... but thats just being a girl right...

i mean cant i be beautiful and wear dresses and do my make up and still be a strong an independant individual? this is a never ending fight..

not to mention... he wont even talk to me with an ounce of respect and my coach wont stand up to him he just wants to be buddy buddy with the guy. fine if that makes him feel better but he better not think that hes won... becuase i can cause havok... i just choose not to...

so i havent made the decission to quit...even though i am considering it. i love the sport... not the people... i dont get much playing time even if i am better then some of the guys... i go to every single practice and try... but how can i continue when all i want to do is punch the guy and its not like i can avoid him... he talks trash about me to the coach and the sign lanuage interperter(who is a close friend of the family) i dont know what i should do ....

the day in the life.....

of an average american citizen...

ok so now i have a job... hey i love the fact that i am needed... but working is so not

cool... ugh

i went home after my first day and asked my mom so this is what i have to look forward to when i graduate?? man... you know i have always taken school for granted

not anymore uh nope working is not fun.. we only do it becuase we have to and we cant get welfare!! lol

nah but ive never wanted to stay in school but now i do... haha i am certaintly very dissapointed... but at least i learned while i was young haha!

peace~