Note to Self

Dear Self,
WHY did you wait so long to watch episodes of Glee? You knew that a solid recommendation from D. Francis should have been enough--you know better. Shame.

Dear Glee,
Oh, how I love to watch you. For some reason, I didn't think that we would get along and now I see that we are meant for each other.

Dear Other People,
If you watch Glee and don't find yourself aching to sing along with the deaf choir when they perform "Imagine"--well, you have a heart of stone.

Love,
me.
p.s. don't judge me.

Gee, thanks. I think.

Conversation held at 7:40PM, MST.
Overheard while the kids were "cleaning" Jack's room.

Lachlan: Hey, these are my books.
Jack: Yes, Lolo, I keep 'dem in here for you and everyfing.
Lachlan: Thanks you Jack, 'dat is so nice.
Jack: Excep' I pee all over 'dem. Right here on my floor.
Lachlan: Jack, you are crazy. You didn't pee on 'dem.
Jack: Yeah. I did.

For the record, he did pee on them. He came running to me while I was desperately trying to get ready for church--screaming, "I've pooped my pants!" He had a diaper and a wipe and everything. I figured it was a Christmas miracle that he even noticed a bodily function. BUT he was just confused because his diaper was just so full that it leaked down his leg AND onto Lachlan's books. I wiped him and the book down with the same wet wipe before resuming the chaos that is a Sunday morning.

I hadn't given it a second thought until Jeff overheard this diatribe and laughed out loud. (It's got to be pretty freaking funny for that...)

The Day After the Day

This is what the kids did this afternoon.
Lachlan was supposed to practice her skiing, but instead they did some extreme tubing.

Christmas Eve Party

You know that for the next few weeks you are going to have to suffer through the endless number of Christmas Party photos. These pictures are from the Christmas Eve party at the Judd's house. I'm posting the ones that won't get me in trouble--and by that I only have two words to say (mostly for Suz). Moby. Dick. And the picture is still funny three days later.... seriously if you don't make it your facebook profile picture, you will really be letting the team down.

Baby sis, Erica and her husband, Landon.

Middle sister, Sara, and her husband, Shane.

Middle sister, Susan and her husband, Miner. I LOVED this picture in Black and White!

Mom with sisters in the kitchen. Mom has crazy Ukrainian nesting dolls lapel pin. Oh, mom, I know you love that thing!

I'm laughing now about this picture. I tried some new eye things on Photoshop and now I look like I'm wearing Tammy Faye Baker's makeup tray. ha.ha.ha.

Lachlan got some new 'skis' (her words) from Nanny and Papa. Here she is after taking a Disney Princess wheel to the crotch. I was not helpful because I couldn't stop laughing.

I made a Christmas apron. I will not be making any more aprons because I am afraid that it may cause me to start to shop at Christopher and Banks and/or other such retailers.

Lachlan and Brooklyn (pictured here) got Disney Princess dress-up trunks. Jack was THRILLED until he realized that people thought that he was Tinkerbell (which he was) when he thought he was dressing up to be Peter Pan. This picture was taken prior to the disappointment.

Landon and Wil displaying Rudolph puppet.

Jack with his Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer puppet.

Christmas Eve was so exciting for the kids. Too exciting for Jack. He never took a nap and became a raving lunatic in Sardine Canyon on the way home. We made him breath into a plastic bag in the car to calm him down. Then he proceeded to vomit all over the garage floor when we took him out of the car because he couldn't hold his plastic bag anymore. He then threw a temper tantrum in the bathtub and screamed bloody murder when we brushed his teeth.

No wonder Santa comes in the middle of the night when the children are sleeping. That's when I'd come too...

Failure to Communicate

This is Wil. He's a nephew. One of my favorite things on Christmas Eve happened when Jack was playing "Wheels on the Bus" with Wil and his twin brother and their other cousin Lillian (who is just a few months older). At one point in the play, Jack stood up and said, "Will somebody please, just talk to me?!"

They. did. not.

Just for the record. This is the best photograph I took all weekend. Step aside Kiddy Kandids.

Santa's Lap

The lighting in the church cultural hall is less than ideal, but at least we got a picture this year. Once again, they butted to the front of the line. One of the great advantages of being abnormally small is that no one really gets after you for being at the front of the line.

They were so excited to see Santa. Jack had been practicing all day for the moment that he would tell him what he wanted for Christmas. He told Santa that he wanted a dinosaur, a dragon and a sword. Lachlan told him that she wanted a baby carrier and a phone.

A phone. A phone because she is in love with the older kids (okay, just Cody Barker, but that's another story) in our neighborhood and they all have cell phones. She will not be getting a cell phone. Not even from Santa.

And here's the picture of them looking at their candy canes from Santa. Jack couldn't wait to eat his, but Lachlan looks alarmed. As you will see by the following entries she was quite concerned with Santa's 'hiding place' of this candy cane. Just for the record: They were in Santa's POCKET.

Ice Stage

Dear Jack,

I'm so happy that you finally ate enough Golden Grahams cereal that you were able to collect all four of the 'Ice Age' characters. It is so fun to hear you play with them in your room. I can't figure out why you call Sid, "Ice Stage". Is it because you don't really know his name? Or is it because you just are kind-of a weird kid? I also don't really know what the character's name is with the patch on his eye. It sounds like you are saying either Burke or Burt, but when I ask you you always correct me by saying something that sounds like Burke or Burt...and then, I still don't know. What I do know is that Burke/Burt is a central part of most of your animated adventures with Ice Stage.

P.S. I keep telling you that I don't know what the Squirrel's name is, not to confound you, but because I don't think the squirrel has a name. This was a major design flaw by the movie producers. Please take your concerns up with them.

Love you,

Mom

Letter to Lachlan

Dear Lachlan,

I know that you really want to comb your own hair, but I'm just not ready to have you look like Richard Beard.

Sorry.

Love, Mom

That's What She Said

Lachlan's version of Jingle Bells contains the line:

"Bells on butt-tail ring. Making spirits bite."

A recent conversation went something like this:

Me: You've got to be good because Santa's always watching.
He might be up on the roof listening to you right now.
Lachlan: Yeah, Santa is very sneaky. Yes, he is always
sneaking around. Yes, he is always sneaking and watching me. He's sneaky cause he keeps candy canes in his pants.

Oh, that Santa. I can't stop laughing about him.

Simple Kitchen Apron

We had an sewing project in Relief Society a while back. I get pretty stoked by stuff like this because they generally select projects that I can actually accomplish successfully. This project made me feel like a rockstar because it was so simple that a monkey could have made it--and someone with intelligence ranking near mindless (like me) could even improve upon the whole thing. Hence, the pride brought about by a charitable women's organization.

Oh, the irony.

In fact, the ego made me make two of them. The first one, was for me--mostly because, even monkeys need a trial run when using a sewing machine.

I lined the back and the front pocket. I got the fabric from JoAnn's because it was cheap, but I sort of wish that I would have had the money to look at Bernina. They have some great stuff in there.
Modeling session. Forgive the model, it was midnight. I had to stop sewing and go to choir in between the appliques and the trim. And below, you will see the iron-on/applique trims. I saw these on the clearance rack at the fabric store. They looked so cool, but they didn't turn out as crisp as I would have liked AND they were a holy pain in the grass to "iron-on." I don't think I ever did get them to fully "work according to manufacturing standards" but it was late and I decided to chalk it up to the bad decision category. I AM glad that I hadn't invested in a major project that was dependent upon the success of this measure.

I learned my lesson on the first one and decided to make a few changes on the second one (for Nanny Nancy). It's much cleaner with the embroidery stitching. Overall, my sewing was much better on this one.

For the record, I'm making a couple more and I think that I'm going to trim the pattern down and make a couple for the kids. But not before Christmas. I haven't lost all of my faculties, yet.