Emo me......

CNY day 3... by right should be working... took leave today. not to go LD... but just din wanna start work earli...

Had things planned to do... places planned to go... but din work out the way i plan... so got a bit upset...

Dunno why.... sometimes when things don't go the right way.. i jus felt like crying... especially when expectation of him din turn out the way it is.. was my expectations too high??? too demanding??? or izzit juz me.. dunno what i want? can't rationalize my own feelings....

sometimes i understand the situation.. but still can't get over it.. still feel upset by the 'bo bian' situation... its not the first time...

maybe i'm not upset with him.. maybe i'm juz being upset with the situation.. or even myself... for feeling this way...

haiz.....

Swings....

Noticed a decrease in frequency of blogging since last year… recent few blogs had been either happy moments or not so happy ones… Gimpsing thru past year blogs… noted the swings too…. Its coming back…

Swings… Peaked at one moment and bottomed at the next.

Mood… Sleep… Appetite….

Sometimes I appear to be juz normal.. as if nothing happens.. sometimes very happy… sometimes very moody… very emo….

Sometimes I can’t fall asleep….sometimes I just dozed off on bus or the moment I’m on bed… sometimes I sleep a few hours and wake up several times.. sometimes I juz sleep like a log for 10 hrs straight….

Sometimes I don’t feel hungry… sometimes I feel hungry but dun feel like eating….sometimes I feel extremely hungry all the time.. something I eat a lot….

Don’t ask me what happen… I also dunno.. all I could conclude is FAMILY…. WORK….

Din talk to anyone… since I haven blog so long already…. Guess that pple out there should have stop visiting my blog also.. tat’s y took a risk to write it here…. But maybe subconsciously I want someone to know… tat’s y write it here also..

Confusing huh….. that’s the feeling I felt these days….

Din tell him also.. din want to spoil the happy times with him… but maybe intend to tell him at a later time?? Or maybe when he finds out somehow…..

Did something today… took a lot of courage to do so….

Last Day at SLH

Today's my last day at SLH. So fast... was there doing locum 3 months liaoz... but this time round... felt quite sad to leave. Though I have been locuming at so many different places and each place won't last more than 6 months, still... it affects me a little leaving a place each time... Cant bear to leave the staff that had work hard together with.... and also the patients, who brought me anger and laughter....

When I was telling one patient that today's my last day, she actually cried and even hugged me. Though she can't talk with her trachy, I can feel that she will miss me a lot. She is one of those whom always refuse to do therapy, but me always encourage her and never gave her up. So, she did made improvement and she was happy about it. At the end of each session, she would often gesture to thank me. That's y feel a bit sad to leave her. Hope I would one day see her walking with a quadstick on the street....

Had a mini farewell party after work. Din expect the dept to organise such a thing for me. Though it was juz a small eating session with some tea-time dishes, it still meant a lot to me, especially I'm not even their full time staff... juz a locum who's working there half a day for 3 months.

Really enjoyed my stay there. Enjoyed the working dynamics with the staff: the PT, OT, TAs and even the counter receiptionist. Think we really made a great team at the Day Rehab Centre. Learnt a lot and gain quite a lot of experience there too. Was so glad that they even offered me to join their hospital.... but... still like my current place, which gives me more flexibility. But still... really appreciated the offer. At least, it makes me feel that I'm not as bad as i thought. Coz from poly days to even working now... me still feel not confident about myself. I've always thought that my results are poor, my skills are not good, clinical reasoning still not there yet... that's y I din apply for job at any restructured hospital, think community setting would be better. Hm... but after hearing about the staff wanting me to join their team... it really makes me feel that... hm... I'm still quite a good therapist afterall.. Hahahha....

Haiz.. nevertheless, got to leave them... got to start another placement tmr. Got to be back at AMK. Hope it goes well and I can adapt to another new place fast.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Happy Birthday to me... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to Meeeee... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Hahahah...

Happy Happy Happy...

Received a big big surprise just now... coupled with lots of wishes from frens...

Big Big Surprise = a birthday cake, right at my door step, at 12 midnight!!!!

Awww.... how romantic ritez...

thanx Dear Dear.... really din expect that... its really a biG bIG BIG surprise...
till now.. still happy till cant sleep.. hahahha

hm... wondered what other suprises will i get later when i get my prezzie...

yeah... seems like got more prezzies to come.. from JH and EG.. from ning also.. and my sis too.. heh heh...

Thanks to those that send me bday msgs in SMS and MSN.. thanx to Venod, my 'Lao Ba', Da Ge, Da shu, YF and SO... hahah... why all guys huh?? eh... hahha... i also dunno... maybe more from the gals the nxt morning???

Hm... looking forward to tmr (or rather later)... gonna get a hair cut.. find some nice place for dinner.. and best of all... sleep till late late.. coz me took leave.. NO WORK TMR!!!! Heh heh...

=)

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Happy Happy...

Dear dear gave me a big big bouquet of rose with 2 mousie... Mickey and Minnie...

Its so big lohz... first time me receive such big bouquet.... but gonna crack my head liaoz.. tat time he gave me flowers me also din know what to do with them... i just kept it till it wither.. became dry.. and den subsequently turn mouldy... tat considered rot??

So now... hm... its a challenge to keep this dozen of roses. wonder how to make it last longer... but now at least got Mickey and Minnie to keep....






As for me... hee hee... cant finish my V-day gift on time to give him.. so ended up juz giving him part of the planned program... a dinner... Hahah... after more than a decade... finally step into kitchen and tried to whip something out.... Though he said its nice.. but hm... u all can imagine my cooking lahz... FYI-me only know how to cook maggi mee... I can't even fry an egg... so tonight's dinner... hahah.. hope it din torture his tastebuds or upset his stomach ba... hahahha...

Anyway, to all friends out there... Happy Friendship Day...

To my dearest Dear Dear... Happy Valentine's Day!!! Love u lots!!!

I'm sick again....

Why am i always falling sick??? This time round.. URTI which ended me up with 4 days of MC in total for 2 trips to the polyclinic...

It started with me becoming voiceless (me tot it was jus voice box affected).. den it became fever and now me got a terrible dripping nose which uses up at least 3 packets/ quarter box of tissue in 2 hours....

Don't like the feeling of being sick and having to go to see doc by myself (though.. yah.. i agree... i'm old enough big enough to visit the doc myself.. juz tat being is sick is pathetic enough... being alone is even worse.....). Don't like the feeling of being alone at home also... (though... good.. its quiet without my youngest sis around... budden.. its too quiet liaoz....moreover... got to settle the meals myself)....

Haiz... luckily dear is around.. hopefully, later i can get well enough to meet him for dinner... else gotto settle my dinner with bread....

Yeah... I've passed my Basic Theory!!!

Hahaha... took my basic theory this evening... super easy lohz... juz 50 (3 choices) MCQ... and i complete it in ~ 15 mins.. hahha...

Just registered myself with the school.. Final theory will be in 2 months time... but meanwhile.. can plan to start a bit of practical lessons...

Hm... hopefully can get my license this year....