Family Update

We had our first month celebrations, and the next week, my new nephew Eeks, had his too. It's been lots of fun, having two babies around, although with two so close together, the tendency by everybody is to compare them, and poor Ian is coming out the poorer for it. He is smaller than Shannon since Shannon was so big at birth, and the poor boy still has jaundice after more than a month. Apparently, his thyroid gland is not functioning as well as it should, and should he still be jaundiced in a month's time, he may have to go on some thyroid hormone therapy... not fun. Dear Lord, please heal this little boy. Shannon also has a full head of thick black hair, whereas little Ian has some wispy hair, quite typical of most babies really. But he is such a darling with his huge round eyes and nice deep double eyelids... and they are both God's creations, so what's all the comparing for? They are both unique in their own ways, and are both perfect!

The girl was just yesterday doing some counting. She was playing with LEGO blocks and counting the number of square blocks that she had. Keep in mind that she can only really count correctly up to about 12 so far, and yesterday she was being ambitious, trying to get to as far as 19. Keep in mind also that this young lady just turned 3 about a month ago. So I hear this little lady going " twelve, fourteen, five-teen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, fourteen, five-teen, sixteen..." and so on. Hilarious!

The boy has been thrilled with his Christmas gifts. I think he's been most blessed this Christmas, for his love for any toy with tracks and a vehicle that travels on that track has been fulfilled 3 times over this Christmas. He received more Thomas the Tank Engine trains (6 to be precise) to add to his already brimming collection, so much so that the box I bought for him, specially designed to house those trains, is now completely full, and he has nowhere else to put the extra trains. He also received another GeoTrax set to add to the existing one, as well as two more GeoTrax vehicles. He also received not one, but two, HotWheels sets, which daddy also enjoys and has been playing with with much enthusiasm. As such, given the many shopping vouchers we received from JD's first month celebrations, we bought the girl a few Matchbox vehicles which had Blue's Clues design on them, so that she could join in the fun. Grandma gave the boy more HotWheels vehicles, and we also got him a thingamajig that shoots two HotWheels vehicles out at once so they can race. Sigh...

The children are all growing so fast. The boy and girl start Kindergarten and Nursery at a proper Kindergarten next week. I am on no-pay leave for the next 9 months, and so will have a chance to help with my children's education. I am also hoping to start signing to Shannon and Eeks, to see if they can communicate earlier through sign and gestures... I must truly cherish the next nine months, before I have to go back to work again.

Killer Wave

I'm sorry I've not posted for a while. Since my confinement nanny went home, life has revolved almost non-stop around Shannon. Don't get me wrong, she's wonderful in that she feeds and sleeps well at night without having those darn awake periods where they want to play or cry when you want to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but when it's day time, she's fussy and wants to be carried and played with. It's slowly getting better as she turns 6 weeks today... yesterday she slept for quite a bit in the evening, despite her siblings bringing the roof down... she had a growth spurt, for today, she measures longer than the 24inches/60cm that her inchworm toy is. She was only 51cm at birth, so she's grown about 10 or 11 cm since... that's almost 5 inches of growth in just 6 weeks... I think. Pardon me, I don't do the inches thing so well.

The other thing that has occupied my mind is the devastation the region is going through right now. The killer wave(s) that hit has brought about such extensive devastation, and the scary thing it, it is so close to home. We in Singapore are so blessed to be blocked by the surrounding patches of land in the form of Malaysia and Indonesia, and so despite being such a tiny island, all we felt were some mild tremors in some areas. The coastline was not affected at all, but many of my countrymen who were out holidaying in the affected areas were.

One of them is the mummy of one of the children they are now hailing as Miracle Kids. Wei En, who is 3, attended the same church (and therefore the same Baby Sunday School which we dub Cradle Club) as I do. He used to come with his mummy earlier this year, but for a while now had not been coming. Wei En was found alone in a hospital, but unfortunately, his mummy didn't make it. She was found dead a couple of days ago. I just can't believe it, and while my heart rejoices that she's a Christian and would now be home with the Lord, I feel sorry for this little boy who is now motherless. He still has his daddy and lots of people who love him, but it just isn't the same, is it? I don't know why the Lord chose to preserve the life of Wei En and yet choose to call his mummy Home to be with Him... but I know that the Lord's plans for us are good and perfect, and while we may not think so, He sees farther than we do, and actually knows the outcomes of "what ifs" that we can only speculate about.

But this disaster has brought out the good in people too. Donations are pouring in and those collecting the donations are being overwhelmed by the amount of stuff being donated to aid those countries in need. It's so overwhelming that they've actually asked people to stop donating in kind, but in cash, because the countries are still in much chaos, and they are unable to ascertain what they truly need, and it is better for cash to be given so as to meet those needs better in the future when the needs can be determined. Within a very short period, the Singapore Red Cross Society raised and exceeded their $1million target, and today, have already raised $5million... that's 5 times what it had hoped to raise. And I do believe more donations are literally flooding in... a tsunami of donations... now that is a tsunami that is desired.

Time Flies...

...and before I can fully realise it, Shannon is now more than 3 weeks old... in fact, she turns one month this Sunday! Woohoo! She's settling down quite nicely, and is mostly on breastmilk now, especially since I've taken her back into my room for the night feeds too the last two nights. She mostly feeds about every 3 hours from start to start, and can sleep quite well in between. Having said that, my naps were interrupted today and I have a headache from a lack of sleep, so I'm leaving Shannon with the nanny for just one more night tonight, especially since Shannon's slept all day, and looks set to have a not so sleepy night. I need to preserve my sanity for the months of sleepless nights to come, so I'm giving up my baby for one more night away from me.

There are times when I am really amazed at how fast time is flying, and how fast the kids are growing. In the blink of an eye, DH and I have been married for five-and-a-half years, we have lived in this house for approximately the same time period, our family has expanded since then to now include a 4y5m-old, a 3y1m-old and a almost one-month-old baby. Wow.

Shannon is growing so fast she is in 3-6mth clothings... and she is only 3 weeks old. She looks more like a 6-weeker than a 3-weeker, and has outgrown clothing she has only worn once. It's a good thing that she is three whole years younger than her sister, for if they were closer in age, she would surely be much bigger than her sister in just a matter of a year or so. Big sister may be three, but can still fit into clothing meant for 1.5 - 2yos...

I'm taking big sister to a concert featuring children from my friend's ballet/dance school this Saturday. Big Sister has always wanted to learn ballet, but is currently too young (the ballet school takes them in the year they turn 5, so Big Sister still has a year to go), so I thought the experience might be nice. It would also give us some precious one-on-one time since Shannon's birth... sometimes I feel bad that I'm spending more time reminding them NOT to do things to wake Shannon or hurt Shannon, and scolding them for this and that than actually bonding with them. But it's necessary, in order that they may know what is OK and what is not... still. This Saturday should be good fun. It's only a few hours, but it's better than nothing.

I need to carve some time out for the boy too... he needs some good bonding with daddy and me... although he's been spending most of his Saturdays with Daddy alone, and I think that is good. Male-bonding.

OK, my headache is threatening to throb itself out of my head, so I'd better go get some rest.

Nought to do with my family...

Stumbled onto a blog by Kim Wakerman. I won't link it here, because either you seem to hate her to the core or love her with a passion, if you are a teenager yourself. To those who don't know Kim (not that I do personally), she is a 14yo girl who stars in local shows on a Children's Channel here in Singapore, and as far as I know, she is quite photogenic, and has rather unique features, being of Eurasian descent.

I was reading her blog, and just felt so burdened for her. I also decided to do a search, and found to my horror, the reason for the outbursts in her blog. There are many teenagers out there who seem to loathe her with a passion, and all because she is pretty and appears on television.

I'm hoping that Kim does a search of her own name, and that this blog entry will make an appearance, because I want to tell her some things... give her good advice, from a mother and a teacher.

Kim dear, I know it's hard being in the limelight, and having to put up with all these inane comments about you... but that is all they are... innane comments. These other teenagers are saying these things because people are often intimidated by others who are better than them in ways in which they feel inferior. It doesn't help if you lash out at them and become the person they want you to be. By saying all those things that you do, it only confirms in their minds what they think about you, and that is certainly what you don't want them to do. I don't know if you are a Christian, although in some entries, it seems like you might be, but remember, being a Christian and being a celeb is similar, in that people are going to judge you by the way you present yourself and live your life. People are going to misunderstand and misjudge you, and people are going to say things about you that you know are not true. And at fourteen, I know it's hard to just take a step back and say it's nonsense and leave it at that, because it's so important for you to be accepted and all... but think about it. You know what these complete strangers are saying is not true. Your friends and family know it's not true. Most people with a rational mind and commonsense can see that it's not true and that these young people are being ridiculously biased and bigoted... so why get so worked up? The more you play to their nonsense, the more satisfaction they get, because they can now quote your blog entries out of context and say, "see, told you she's a such-and-such!". Why give them the satisfaction?

So Kim, being a celeb means that you have to do some growing up fast... and that means taking all this "persecution" in stride. Whatever is not true, just leave it. If it is true, then do something about it. By responding as you do in your blog, you are only building yourself up for disaster. It reflects badly on you, and puts you on the same level as those people. Rise above them. Tell yourself that you are not going to stoop down to their level. In the Bible, it says that the best way to treat such people is by responding, not in the same way, but in love, for it is like heaping burning coal on their heads. A gentle word turns away wrath (anger), but if you respond also in anger, then nothing gets solved. Don't let what is untrue get under your skin, but remember that it is the truth that will set you free.

I hope you read this Kim Wakerman, because my heart goes out to you... I am reminded of myself as a teenager, struggling with the things people would say about me... and this is what life has taught me, that I hope to teach my own children, as well as the students whom I teach. All the best young lady, you are growing up just fine...

A dilemma of the future

Finally, a blog entry that's not about me or Shannon... DH and I have been discussing where to send the boy for his Primary School education. All along, I have been an advocate of not sending children to schools that are too far away from home, as they will have to spend a lot of time travelling, and that tires them out too much to do homework and what not, and they have precious little time to spend with parents and siblings when they get home. But I am also a great believer in sending children to single-sex schools. I grew up in two all-girls schools in my first ten years of education, and having seen what it's like in mixed schools, I believe kids are more confident and do better in single-sex schools than in mixed schools. However, we live in the eastern part of Singapore, and there are precious few single-sex schools here. DH would also like to send the children to Christian run schools, where the kids will get exposure to the gospel and christian songs and prayers and chapel and stuff like that, not to mention the availability of the Girls' and Boys' Brigades.

The boy is due to go to Primary School in the year 2007. That means by mid-2006, we have to decide, because that is when registration takes place. In Singapore, registration takes place phases, with priority given to siblings of the school, then to various groups of people, like children of alumni and board members, children of people associated to the school through churches and stuff. The irony of it all is that there is a school near to us that is extremely popular, and many people are fighting to get their children into the school. It is my alma mater that has gone from a single-sex school to a co-ed school, and has produced many top pupils in the past. If I were to try and get my three children into this school, it would be easy-peasy, because I would be considered an ex-pupil, and would be given third priority, and once the boy is in, the girls get in purely by default. It's a guaranteed thing. But it's a mixed school. And that's what I am not too keen about.

DH wants to send the boy to his alma mater, but the school is kinda far away. Closer to the time, probably sometime in early 2006, I'll probably call up the school and ask about the transport to see how long the journey will take from our house to school and back, and ask about cost and such, but I am still hesitant to send a small child to a school so far away, and risk having him come back too tired to do anything. Plus, that means I am at a loss as to where to send the two girls. I could still send them to my alma mater (the mixed school), or I could send them to a school that about a half-an-hour's bus ride from my place, except that in the first few years I'd probably have to send them since it would be kinda difficult to trust a 7yo to get on a bus and go to a strange school all by herself. Maybe when the older girl is 10, and the younger one is 7, the older one could bring the younger one... but not when the older one first starts school. I don't know. I don't have to register the elder girl until the year 2007, so that is some ways off yet... but I fret about it now and again. Another problem with this school is that we get last priority... and because our house is so far away from it in terms of kilometres, we are not likely to get a place. Life would be so much easier had my alma mater just stayed a girls' school... sigh. Oh yes, and there is another girls' school in the "town" area (makes me sound as if I am living in the countryside)... no, I should say the business district, where all the big business buildings and the bulk of the shopping areas are, but that means and even longer bus ride for the girls. Still, at least at that school we get some priority, through connections with the church, which means that we are very likely to get a place, as opposed to the one that has a direct bus from my place. Oh well.

Next year, both the boy and girl will be going to the "same" kindergarten. I say "same" because although it's under the same name, the schools are in different premises, just a stone's throw away from each other. The nursery is housed in our church premises, while the K1 and K2 classes are housed in the original kindergarten premises, just a three-minute walk down the road. This year, the boy attended the nursery classes, and has been taking the school bus. The bus comes for him at about 0720h, and from what I understand, the bus reaches school by about 0810h, with time for him to play and watch some educational programmes on TV for about 20mins before school starts. It's a 50-minute bus ride... but he enjoys it... and he's only 4. But then again, in time to come, he will have things like real homework for various subjects, not to mention after-school activities... and he still has to come home and complete homework. Hmm.

I have mulled over this again and again, and I still don't know what to do. I guess I shall just have to wait until the years 2006 and 2007 to decide... probably pay a visit to some of the schools, ask about the transportation, homework situation and such, and see if I like the feel of the teachers and school. Once those years are over, then Shannon just goes to the school that the elder girl goes to, simply by default. At least I don't have to mull over it yet again. *grin* Three for the price of two!

My new Nephew

My new nephew decided to come about 8 days early... on 30 November 2004, at about 3+ in the morning. I guess he didn't want to be left out, and wanted to join the other 3 November babies in our family already, bringing the grand total to 4. We now have 4 birthdays to celebrate every November - on the 10th, 14th, 19th and 30th! My boy will feel even more left out in November now... either that, or he will appreciate how great it is to have birthday celebrations all to himself instead of having to share it with others as he grows older.

Taking into account both families, there is a pretty good spread of things to celebrate over a year... January (2 birthdays, including mine), March (2 birthdays - FIL's and MIL's), June, July, August, September, October (all one birthday each), November (FOUR birthdays!) then December, which heralds the Christmas season! Pretty good! Februaries are usually exciting anyway with Chinese New Year, and there's Easter in April. May is a quiet period, but I guess we all need a break from everything, even celebrations!

I haven't had a chance to meet my new nephew. I can't wait to see him. It is said that he is round in the face, and was born at 3.11kg... nice size, slightly smaller than his brother was at birth. So this means that while SIL won't make it to Christmas celebrations, she will be out of confinement by New Year's Day... so that's something.

We are planning to celebrate Shannon's first month (a Chinese custom) on 19 Dec, which happens to be a Sunday. We are also planning to bring her to Church that Sunday... her first trip, and my first trip since having given birth to her. I don't know if we will be able to pull it off... it will make for a very hectic day, but hopefully all will go well. We have to prepare the mandatory red eggs and stuff that come with celebrating a baby's first month, but still. Maybe the people doing the food will be able to take care of that too! Traditionally, it was MIL who would boil the eggs and dye them red, but since she's not doing our confinement this year, and she'd still be busy with SIL, it would be difficult to ask that of her.

An Update...

It's been two weeks since Shannon's birth, and life has been pretty good... (I can say that now that the pain is almost non-existent... just the slight twinges now and again, and a little soreness when I take a bath).

Thanks to the Confinement Nanny (CN), I get to sleep well at night, and being rested sure helps beat the post-natal blues that I would surely otherwise be getting a worse dose of. I've been somewhat moody lately... feeling sorry for myself, and suffering from a lack of adult interaction of the sort that I would like perhaps. I worry about my children being spoilt silly by my mom, and all that kind of thing, and the dwindling hormones still manage to blow things out of proportion for me.

On Tuesday, the knots at the two ends of the op-site were cut, and the bandage removed, and my doc declared that I had healed well. He sprayed on a "transparent bandage" designed, apparently, to keep the wound clean, but it stung, and it pulled at the op-site and made it uncomfortable to stand. Today, it still stings a little, and the pulling sensation is still there. There's a weird tingling sensation too, which I take to mean the wound is definitely healing.

Shannon continues to be a good girl, although in the last two days, she's been more awake than usual, and rooting more. Perhaps she's just trying to up the milk supply. It doesn't help that CN is of the old school and thinks that breastmilk is insufficient for baby, and so day in day out I am being asked, "Could it be you don't have enough milk for her?" Sigh. It really gets a person down, especially since baby keeps asking for more and won't settle. But this morning, Shannon apparently had formula at 4am, and didn't sleep again till after 6am, when she had a little more formula... and with formula being as satisfying as it is, surely hunger might not be the problem. I shall just comfort myself that even on formula she behaved in a similar way, so I shan't berate myself and allow the constant questioning and doubting of my milk supply get in the way.

I just breastfed her a little... she woke rooting, and took to the breast for just a while before refusing to take anymore. She then proceeded to release some gas from her other end, before going on to have a rather loud and definitive bowel movement. It was as if she had woken up from her nap wanting to move her bowels, and decided that it was uncomfortable enough for her to want to seek comfort from me... She won't take a pacifier... but I'm not surprised... none of my kids have ever liked the pacifier... I was always the preferred choice. *grin*

Meanwhile, Shannon has been given a clean bill of health except for two things - clicky hips and a "lesion" in the brain that is so small (5mm) it is of no concern at the moment, but nonetheless I am supposed to watch her, and should there be anything abnormal about her behaviour, I am to take her back to the A&E department. Hmm, small comfort. Apparently, such things possibly resolve themselves. Exactly what the lesion is all about I failed to understand, because the doctor de-briefing us had such a heavy accent I had a great deal of difficulty understanding her in the first place! Anyway... she seems fine to me, so OK. She has some birthmarks on her forehead, her nose and upper lips that look that the kind that will fade, but will flare red when she gets angry or agitated or flushed in the future. Hopefully it won't be very noticeable, and will disappear with age. The clicky hips are nothing new to me... big brother had it too... had to bring him for follow-ups ever so often and cost me a great deal of money... but it eventually righted itself, and that was that.

Life with Shannon

I have much to be thankful for. Shannon is a wonderful baby, and I also have a wonderful confinement nanny. I was just commenting to Dear Hubby yesterday that I am glad that SIL is pregnant and so near us, because otherwise, we would have gotten MIL to do the confinement month, which would mean that I would have had to tend to Shannon at night, c-section or not, as I would not have dreamt of asking MIL to take over the night duty.

But now that I have the confinement nanny with me, she gladly (and expects to) take care of Shannon at night, and so I leave Shannon with her in order to get a good night's rest, and hopefully get better more quickly. It's bliss having the confinement nanny around... she takes great initiative and does everything around the house as well, since I am breastfeeding Shannon all the time and that takes some off her load... she bathes, cleans and changes Shannon, while cooking for me and preparing things like my special confinement bath water and washing our clothes and stuff. I didn't expect her to do the housework as well, but she does, so I'm not complaining.

Shannon meanwhile is a good girl. She keeps falling asleep while drinking, and the moment I take her off, do up my t-shirt and such, she immediately wakes again, wanting more! Most of the time, she's not actually hungry, just seeking to use me as her human pacifier. She doesn't root if she's carried by someone else... she doesn't smell the milk I suppose. But still, at least when she drinks, she is sucking with those long productive sucking patterns, and this is a record for me... my children had to be supplemented for the first ten days mostly, but with Shannon, other than the night feeds, I was fully breastfeeding her within the first 5 days... so that's great. She really knows how to latch on and suck... such a pro she is!

The older two want to help and like to come and look at baby and whatnot... but I am so afraid that they might accidentally fall on her or crush her with their knees and elbows like they always seem to do to daddy and I... so I tell them not to get too close, especially when she is just lying on the couch or any surface where they can get too near. I feel a little sorry sometimes for getting so concerned and sometimes even angry with them but one just cannot be too careful with such big ones near such little ones... But still, she is so used to their noise that she sleeps despite all the shouting and bickering and crying that goes on... she doesn't even flinch when big brother pours out his lego on our ceramic tiled floor all at once... and that is a din when it happens.

I'm still cringing whenever I have to get up and walk about, especially from the very comfortable rocking chair or from my bed... but the wound is slowly getting better each day. Oops, which reminds me, I have yet to take my pain meds. I keep forgetting, which must be a good sign, since I cannot be in that much pain if I forget them, can I? I am looking forward to the day when I can honestly say that I have forgotten that I had a c-sec.

OK, my mind is slightly boggled now, what with staring at this so long. I hope this entry will bring the birth announcement to the index page... for some reason, it doesn't seem to want to come up front. So here goes this post....

Baby Shannon has finally arrived!!!!

I promise to come back again soon to give the details, but for now, I just wanted to announce that Baby Shannon has finally arrived. The induction was not very successful in that it didn't end with a normal birth, but I ended up having to have a c-section because Baby Shannon ended up being a baby who weighed a whopping 3.97kg at birth. For our non-metric readers, that's over 8lbs, huge for an asian baby!!! And that is why I ended up having a c-section, because there was no way she was going to come out the same way her brother and sister did.

Anyway, here is the littlest princess in our family.... She was born on Nov 19th, at 1857h. She's got a head of black hair, and she looks a great deal like her big brother did at birth, though she does have some of her big sister's features as well. Isn't she a sweetie pie?

Latest News on Shannon

Had my last appontment with my OBGYN at the clinic today. As usual, all is well, and Shannon is still snug as a bug inside me. She shows no REAL signs of coming out although Braxton-Hicks and false labour contractions abound. (To the thus far uninitiated, the last two are contractions that are practice and don't actually do anything to bring the baby out into the world.)

So, induction is finally officially scheduled, and at 9am on Thursday morning in Singapore, I will be making my way down to the hospital to begin inducing this little girl out into the world. From past experience, if all goes well (baby is head down, facing my back, not playing with her umbilical cord, doesn't go into distress etc) she will be here in about 12 hours or less. The girl was born 12 hours after the first pessary was inserted to ripen the cervix and get the whole labour thing going (to those who have never given birth, close your mouth and don't look so shocked... only the last 2 or 3 hours only was there really any bad pain... I spent the bulk of the 12 hours playing upwords with my husband, reading, watching TV and basically just waiting for the contractions to get strong. *grin* So hopefully, this youngest lady will follow suit, and come out in less than 12 hours after the insertion of the pessary. So, I pray that I will be holding little JD by Thursday night, 18th November 2004. Not too bad... nice birthday... 4 days away from big sister's birthday... far apart enough to be special for each child, yet close enough for a combined celebration if necessary. Good.

I lost a little weight again. So that means in the last 4 weeks or so, I've basically not put on anything, even though little Shannon is still growing well. It's a miracle. There's still a fair amount of amniotic fluid, but because my BP is still high at times, the doc would like this baby out soon. Tomorrow our church celebrates its 70th Anniversary, and I will be at home (after going out on my last date in the next one month of confinement) watching the Amazing Race 6!! Yes... I've been waiting for it for a while! It was originally scheduled to begin in October, but they delayed it for some reason. Still... this means that I have something to watch every Wednesday at home, since I can't go out on dates for the next 4 weeks!

I think the next time I come on to blog will be after Shannon's birth. I might squeeze in some time before I go to be induced to blog my feelings at that time, but in all likelihood I will only come in after I return from the hospital for I know that the handful of regular readers of my blog would like to hear about Shannon and hopefully see a picture of her too...

Thank you Heidi, for the sweet comments you leave me... at least I know someone is actively reading my blog. K reads my blog too... but she emails me her responses... you do realise don't you K, that you can leave your comments at the end of the posts? At least I think you can... I'm not sure if you have to be a "member" of the blogging community to do it. I'll check it out. I think I have a few more phantom readers out there... hey, leave a mark, OK?

Perceived Anxiety

In an email, I shared with my cell group members how Shannon was found to have the same ventricular horn problem that my son had while in the womb... Let me explain. All babies apparently have this ventricular horn which sits above their brains. There are two of them. These "horns" are measured for their size, and anything measuring 10mm is considered borderline. Anything smaller is normal, and anything bigger is enlarged. Both my son and Shannon have this problem of having a borderline-enlarged ventricular horn.

Now, having done much research, this ventricular horn business is supposed to be one of many soft markers for Down's Syndrome. A soft marker means that it can indicate a problem, but it is usually accompanied by the presence of other soft markers, and the more soft markers you have all at once, the more likely you are to have the problem. Other soft markers for Down's include a thick nuchal fold measurement, fists that are clenched and do not open, heart problems and a whole bunch of other things. The boy and JD both have no other soft markers. The only one they have is the ventricular horn. The boy was born fine and normal. We are praying that given the signs, and the fact that big brother had the same thing and is normal, that Shannon will be normal too.

Now, with my firstborn - the boy - I told precious few people. I was very stressed by the fact that I might have a Down's child for a firstborn, and so I shared this little bit of information only with people whom I knew would pray for the baby... including my Pastor's wife. I also told her that I didn't want others to know because I knew they would make a fuss, and that news of the "potential problem" would spread and it might mutate into it being an "actual" problem. I didn't think I could handle that with all the hormones that I had to cope with, plus all the fears I already had. I coped with the problem in a way that surprised many, when, after my son was born, I shared with others who had similar problems. I coped by expecting my boy to have Down's. I actually read up about the Down's Syndrome on websites and read about children with the Syndrome, and read up about what could be done for them and so on. In other words, I was "hoping for the best, but expecting the worst". That way, I wouldn't be disappointed. I also took comfort in knowing that the Lord's plans are best for my family, and if He felt that our family could cope with having a little Down's baby, then I would consider it an honour to be blessed with such a special child, for the Lord deemed me special enough to parent a child like that... that gave me much peace, even as I still struggled with the fears.

This time round, I am coping much better. Having gotten all the struggling out of my system with my firstborn, and knowing that my firstborn had the same problem and came out fine, I worry much less that Shannon will have Down's. She still may, and she still might have been affected by the fever I had in my first trimester, but again, the peace of the Lord tells me that His plans for me are perfect, and that whatever He allows into my life, I can cope with, because He alone knows how much I can bear, and if He chooses for something less than ideal (according to the world) to happen, I know it is only because He knows I can cope with it in His strength.

But having shared with my cell group members about this, they seemed to have immediately assumed that I am worried. All I did was ask them to pray for Shannon, that she would be fine. That doesn't necessarily mean that I am downright anxious about it, does it? I don't understand. Surely when one shares a prayer request, it is to pray for the best... but I am not in the depths of depression, neither am I worried sick that things will go "wrong"... for things that are "wrong" in our eyes, may be just "right" in the eyes of the Lord.

Take the timing of this third child for example. I have already written that I can see the wisdom of the Lord's plans and timing, for had He not delayed the conception of this third child, I would have felt very "cheated" out of all the perks that are available to me now, simply because the child is being born in November 2004, and not January 2004 or even July 2004 as I had originally hoped. The Lord knew that we probably needed the help financially and also the extra 4 weeks of paid maternity leave and so on, and over-rode our plans to expand our family so as to bless us with more. So I have absolute confidence in the Lord's plans for our family and for us. This is something He has blessed me with... and I am so glad that by His grace, my faith in His absolute goodness and the absolute perfection of His plans is strong.

I have always felt uncomfortable when people pray along the lines of "Lord, you are a good God, so please heal this person, or cause this thing to happen in this way." I've always felt that that was similar to emotional blackmail, for with this kind of prayer, does it mean that if God chooses to answer that prayer with a "no", it means therefore that He is not a "good God"? Ridiculous. I have once questioned a church elder about the validity of such prayers. He said that it was purely for social purposes, to comfort... but surely, the receipient of such prayers would not be comforted and might even be stumbled should the answers to the prayer be less than what he wants? The Lord tells us that unless we are rooted in Him, and only when we are so in tune with Him, will He answer all our prayers... and that goes without saying, for once we are in tune with Him, we would not pray such ridiculous prayers and try to bind the Lord's hands and make Him answer prayers the way we want them answered or risk being a less than "good God"!

Oh well. Each night, I pray that Shannon will be fine. I pray that Shannon will not have any problems, syndromes, conditions or anything to set her apart from the physically, emotionally, intellectually "normal". But I also know in my heart that should Shannon be anything other than that, I will not turn away from God. I will know that God has chosen for Shannon to be "special" in that way, and I will seek to teach all those around us being special is not abnormal. Oh yes, in my mommy's mind, I still have that nagging fear at how I will truly be able to cope, but when it comes to the crunch, I know the Lord will give me all the strength I need, all the peace I require to do what I have to. And I know that with His hands around my family, we cannot go far wrong.

Welcoming Baby Shannon

The two children are excited at the prospect of meeting their new little sister... they are excited about coming to the hospital to "visit mummy and baby Shannon" and about giving their new little sister the presents that they "bought" for her, and also probably equally if not more excited about the presents that they will receive from her! The boy is feeling a little left out in this period because nephew and the girl are busy receiving lots of gifts for their birthday, and he has no gifts... while Christmas is still so far away, so this little gift receving is going to be looked upon with much excitement.

I've already packed into my hospital bag an engine from the Thomas the Tank Engine series... by the name of Emily. He's already got quite a collection of these engines, and they have been a big part of his life since he got his first Thomas toys last Christmas. He's crazy about trains and engines, and lately, about insects. He can identify and correctly name a Hissing Magadascar Cockroach... I am amazed! So we've been buying him books about insects so that he can pore over the pictures and learn their names.

But I digress. My hospital bag is half filled with clothes and necessities for going home and for baby, but it's mostly taken up by the toys for the gift exchange. Hubby feels like it's not necessary, and to be honest, I'm doing it because it is so fun, to watch their faces light up when they get to give and receive. They were so excited about shopping for something for Baby Shannon, and I had to gently remind them to pick something Shannon could play with and like, not something they'd like for themselves. A little lesson in gift giving.

I'm just so ready to have this baby. I know I'll miss having her inside, but the insomnia, the heartburn and aches and pains I could do without... but who am I kidding? After birth... there'll still be much baby-induced insomnia, as well as much aches and pains all over for a while yet. But the nice thing about being a third-time mom, is that I know that all that will quickly pass. It was so much easier to ride the waves of sleeplessness and fatigue and coping with a newborn the second time round when you knew that it would all quickly pass, and that in just a matter of weeks, things would look up significantly. But it's just so much more fun when you get to hold a gurgling, cooing baby in your arms... the little miracle you can stare at in wonder because she baked inside you for so long and went from being two separate parts into one whole into a shrimp like creature into the beautiful baby you see before you. Ahhh, the awesome wonder of God's handiwork.

Come on Shannon... come out come out from there.... we're all so eager to meet you!

Latest Doctor's Appointment

Just had my latest doctor's appointment yesterday. It was a breeze. Shannon's still snug as a bug, growing nicely, although slowing down in the weight gain department. She is estimated to weigh about 2.9 or 3kg now, just a slight increase from two weeks ago, when she was estimated to weigh about 2.8kg. I lost about a kg at last week's appointment, but had gained back about 0.4kg yesterday. Still, that's an overall loss of about 0.6kg in the last two weeks. That is a milestone for me, for I have never ever lost weight during my pregnancies.

Shannon's getting tighter and tighter again... Doc said her amnio fluids were quite OK still, and that she's doing fine. She's staying head down as she should be, and I keep reminding her that she must face my back for her journey out, or risk getting stuck like her brother did during his birth. Today I had some mild crampings earlier in the morning that came and went. It was merely mild, but I thought it might be pre-labour, so I stayed home and got dear hubby to send the boy to MIL's where he catches the school bus to school. The cramping has subsided, and I'm hoping that it's a sign that something is happening. It would be so nice if I could spontaneously go into labour for once.

My doc actually said that he didn't want to see me in the clicnic anymore - in other words, he was ready for this baby to come out and would like to see me next at the labour ward, and I had to remind him that my previous two babies were induced! LOL! So he scheduled a last appointment next Tuesday, and said we'd discuss induction then, and probably set the date for the 18th at the latest to get Shannon into this world. Only 8 more days to go!!!! I can't wait!!!

Family Size

Sometimes I think I am mad for even considering a fourth child. Moments like right now. Both the boy and the girl are next to me, wanting my attention. The boy is grumpy for not having taken a nap today, and is in a mood to quarrel and be as whiny as possible. The girl, sensing that her brother is in one of his grumpy moods, seems to be taking great pleasure in irritating the brother as much as possible, and of course, that makes him even more grumpy. Sigh. And I have one more on the way. And I am even considering another one. I salute families that have like 6 kids and are still expanding. I don't know how they do it. Financially. Emotionally. Mentally. Logistically. Physically. Amazing.

But the truth be told, taking everything into consideration, the rewards far outweigh the awful cranky moments that we all have. The smiles that they bring and the laughter that they are somehow able to draw from you are just so worth all the craziness they bring into our lives. Each stage has its difficulties... but also it's own rewards. And as parents, we are never satisfied.

When they are first born, we look forward to their being able to communicate, to be a little more independent, to be able to play by themselves, to be able move by themselves. Once they are able to do all that, we wish they would be a little quieter, be a little more still, be a little more manageable... LOL. I have dreams about what life will be like when the kids are older (like in Primary School) when they would be able to understand reasoning a little better, when they are able to control themselves a little more... but I also know that with that age comes more challenges... like school and tests and exams amongst a whole host of other problems that I cannot even begin to imagine... and I can imagine parents of children that age who are wistfully thinking... "oh, how I wish mine were still so little and innocent and wonderfully pliant and so on and so forth.

I'm far from the perfect parent. I don't think there is such a thing. We can only be the best parents we hope to be, and leave the rest to God to mould character and watch over them. We do our part, then pray, for the lives of our children depends on it. No matter how many kids we have.

38 weeks and counting...

It's Saturday. That means that I am now 38weeks and 1 day along. Shannon is ready to pop anytime, and I am getting more and more uncomfortable. In many ways, I wish she'd come already. I'm uncomfortable, I waddle, I ache, I get heartburn etc etc etc... those of you who have been recently heavily pregnant will know what I mean. But then again, with 2 kids in tow, it so complicates matters. I need to try and ensure that I have babysitting arrangements for when I go into labour, and so there are a few less than ideal dates during which to give birth.

Even as I sit and write, I can feel her little bony parts (presumably the hands, feet, elbows and knees) gliding across parts of my abdomen, stretching and pushing, causing quite a bit of discomfort. She is awake... possibly awakened by the sound of her big brother crying at having been made to keep his toys due to his being unable to share, or by the sound of her big sister whining, wanting daddy to read her new book to her... for the umpteenth time. I am very sure that by the time she is born, she will be able to sleep through all this ruckus, for she has been listening to all this for as long as she could hear.

I look forward to my next appointment, which takes place in 3 days' time. On Tuesday, I go in for my next weekly checkup, to measure her weight, to check on her amnio levels, and to make sure that all is still well. At 38.5wks, if we need to induce labour and get her out, it's pretty OK. In fact, this week would be a good week to pop, other than for the fact that we plan to celebrate the girl's and our nephew's birthday on Thursday at MIL's, and with my side of the family on Sunday, the girl's actual birthday... which reminds me... I have yet to source a cheap birthday cake for her. In the past, we have spent a fortune on cakes... only to have the cake go to waste in the fridge in subsequent days and weeks, for we never could finish it. Why not buy a smaller cake, I hear you ask. Well, for the design that the children wanted, there is a minimum size, and thus we had to have that much of it. Plus, many of my family members do not eat much cake. This time, I shall go for a less precise version of the Disney character that my daughter wants, and hopefully pay less and eat more of the cake that we do eventually buy.

So other than the girl's birthday, this week is a good week to go. Next week would be a good week only after the 17th, as I have previously explained. But by that time, it would be close to Shannon's EDD anyway, so by the time the 18th rolls around, I'd be 39weeks and 6days. The doc says that if she's still snug as a bug by then, I'll be induced. I'm hoping on the 18th. I want to watch the Amazing Race on Cable on the 17th night... *grin*

You'd think that in the event of my having a child, I'd pay less attention to such frivolous things... but well, life still goes on. If I can have my cake and eat it... it would be nice. So spontaneous labour aside, I'd ideally like to have baby sometime this week, or on the 18th.

My cousin has her birthday on the 21st, and I am sure that she would like to have Shannon born on the same birthday as her.... but I don't think the hospital does scheduled inductions (versus emergency ones) on weekends or public holidays. We have two public holidays coming up. This week, Thursday is a public holiday... and so is Sunday and the Monday that follows (in Singapore, when a public holiday falls on a Sunday, the Monday that follows is always a public holiday to make up for the "missed" Sunday holiday). When the girl was born at 52minutes past midnight, she was the third child in the hospital to be born on Deepavali that year. We actually had a nurse come in to tell us so and ask if we would like to be interviewed by the press should the parents of the first two babies decline. Not being Hindus ourselves, we declined... especially when we learnt that an Indian couple had a baby soon after us. It would be a huge coincidence if Shannon was born on one of the public holidays this week too!

Insomnia has definitely set in. I have much trouble sleeping at night... it's almost as if the body is trying to set your body clock such that you'll be used to being up all round the clock, just it will be when baby finally does arrive. It's hard to find a comfortable position to sleep in - one that doesn't sqoosh the baby, that doesn't cause heartburn, that doesn't give me aches in the weirdest of places... and so on. And when I do finally fall asleep, should anything wake me during the night, like a full bladder or a wandering child, I have great difficulty falling back to sleep.

Weekly Doctor's Appointment

Doctor's appointments are a weekly affair now. I went to see my Happy Doc again today. Took my BP which, after registering at another shocking 161, came down to a respectable 144. He said that I must be very excited to see him because my BP settled down quite nicely during the Pre-Eclampsia Assessment.

He didn't measure baby's weight this week. She's further down in my pelvis now, and it's getting harder to see her face properly anymore. She was nestled against my right, with her back along the right side of my abdomen. That explains all the stretching and pushing along the middle and left of my abdomen. Not an altogether comfortable thing, particularly when she uses her little hands and feet to do an internal massage for me. Ouch. She's gaining as she should, and surprise, surprise! I actually lost some weight this last week! About 1kg... not bad huh? That means that I am actually losing more than that, since JD is also gaining weight of her own!

Happy Doc also checked out her amniotic fluid levels, and declared that to be fine. Both my children had low amniotic fluid levels during their last scan, and that was why they were both induced... I hope that this time, JD will spontaneously start labour herself, since induced labour is usually more prolonged and less comfortable. But we'll see. The Happy Doc initially talked about her being ready to go this week or next, but I was quick to tell him that I was happier if she arrived after the 17th of November.

You see, I would like to have my husband with me during labour and delivery, which means that the children need to be babysat by their respective grandmothers. MIL is going away for a short break with FIL before the arrival of any of the babies this very weekend. And our church is having it's 70th Anniversary Celebrations on Nov 17th, and MIL is involved in the dinner celebrations and concert... so I have to look after the boy myself that day. Should I go into labour before that, my poor mother would have to babysit both the girl and the boy... and I am pretty sure that is enough to break her. Things would be even more disastrous should I go into labour on the 17th itself, especially during the day, since it would mean that I would have to bring the boy along with me when I go to the hospital... and dear husband would be stuck tending to him instead of being by my side and witnessing the birth of his third child.

Happy Doc suggested that we just bring the two kids along, and that the nurses would entertain them, while mom and dad (that's us) tended to the business of giving birth. Yah, right. My two would probably bring the hospital roof down with the ruckus they would and could create, and the nurses would probably be tearing their hair out trying to keep them quiet and occupied for that length of time. I suggested that they start a child-minding service, but the Happy Doc said that this had been suggested before, but after all the hmm-ing and haw-ing... no action was taken. Silly hospital... there's a big market out there waiting to be tapped. And the sillier thing is that they already have the facilities... afterall, they have a childcare centre that functions for 12 hours a day on site... surely it's not difficult to turn that into an after hours minding service for mothers who go into labour in the middle of the night and have difficulty arranging for childcare.

The two older Children

They invented this guessing game thing which they enjoy playing in the car. It all started with the boy trying to get the girl to guess what a certain sound was... and it's pretty amusing, because it works according to 4 and 3yo logic... not very logical by our standards... *grin* A typical "guessing game" would go something like this...

Boy bangs lid of built-in container next to his carseat then says "What sound is that?"

Girl says, "A kok-kok sound"

Boy says, "Yes!!! That is correct!"

Boy then says, "Close your eyes! Cockadoodledoo!!! What sound is it?"

Girl says, "A cockadoodledoo sound!"

Boy then says, "Yes!! That is correct!"

LOL! The game then went on to include their magna-doodle boards which they keep in the car, and mommy and daddy are now participants in their "guessing game". In an effort to keep them entertained and without getting frustrated about playing by proper "rules", mommy and daddy have resorted to non-logic to play. Typically, the game goes like this...

Boy/Girl scribble on their magna-doodle boards. They ask "Mommy/Daddy, which is the odd one out?" to which we reply "That one." or "The second one" or something equally vague, without actually trying to indicate which one we are referring to (it's not possible, since we are seated in the front seats, while they are in the third row seats of our MPV). These answers are accepted without question, except with a short clarification - "this one?" to which we always yes... then they decide if we are right! To their credit, we are not always right... in fact, I would say about half the time they decide that we are wrong... but it keeps them happy for the 20minute ride home, so we're happy.

Toddler/Pre-schooler logic for you! But hey, if it keeps them happy for the time being... it's just fine with me!

False Labour & Nesting

About a week ago, I had a bout of false labour contractions. The pain seemed to radiate from the top of my abdomen down through to the back then down nearer the pelvic area. The contractions were rather haphazard at first, and sometimes seemed more like I needed to move my bowels and was having a tummy ache than contractions, but they later became what I've just described above. But just as I settled down to time them, after about an hour, they faded. So I went to bed at 4am that morning.

While I was having the false labour contractions, I was worrying. I was not worrying about the pain, or the fact that it was a tad too early, or anything like that. What was really going through my mind was the fact that I had yet to pack my hospital bag, or sort Shannon's things, or put the cot together, or really checked that I had everything ready for Shannon. After all, at that point, I was only slightly past 36wks, and didn't expect anything to happen for another 2wks at least.

So that incident woke me up (in more ways than one) and I am proud to say that in my last week of enforced rest from work, I have finally put together the cot, cleaned up some of the house, sorted out Shannon's stuff, and more or less prepared myself better for bringing Shannon home. I am still short of settling a few more items, but I am nearer to being prepared. I have yet to pack the hospital bag... but I will get it done.... soon... I hope.

Nesting has begun. Although I am supposed to rest because of my BP levels, I am getting great satisfaction from achieving these small goals. My house still looks a mess because of the stuff I've had to bring home from work (and I'm not even done there... I still have about half my mess still lying around in school) and it looks like I can open a stationery store at home, but at least I am closer to being prepared to bring the baby home. *grin*

Now, the thing is... when will this baby really come? Will she be induced early? Or will I spontaneously go into labour and when? All that to come... hopefully within the next three weeks or so!

Chinese Calendar Gender Predictor

My board ladies posted a link to this Chinese Calendar Gender Predictor and I tried it out on all my children, including Shannon. It worked for my first two, accurately "predicting" that they would be a boy and girl respectively. However, it predicted that I would have a boy this time round... and we're pretty sure that Shannon is a girl. We'll be in trouble if Shannon does turn out to be a boy, since I have given away all my boy stuff to my SIL and have been buying cutsie pink things for Shannon. We'd also be stuck for a name. Other than knowing we want the name Jaden for a boy, we'd be stuck on the middle name as well as the Chinese name. Initially, I was kinda hoping for a boy, and had thought I'd have a boy, and was really surprised to find out that I am expecting a girl... but this would throw us off completely! Well, the truth will be uncovered when Shannon arrives I guess! This time, it will truly be a surprise! Coincidentally, a lady just guess today that I am expecting a boy... Hmmmmm.

Update on Shannon

Shannon was measured at the appointment, and she was estimated to weigh about 2.8kg already, at 36wks3days. Given that she gained about 300g in the last 2 weeks, and that she still has slightly less than 4 weeks to go, she is estimated to gain another500g or so in the last lap, if she does the weight gain consistently. That puts her birth weight at about 3.3 or 3.4kg... about 300g heavier than her siblings. Doc was quite comfortable about inducing her this coming week if my BP didn't settle, since she is of a good weight already, and at 37wks, is considered full-term. But, I'll be happier if she continues to bake inside for another week at least, since my confinement nanny isn't available until after Nov 5, and I don't want to start my maternity leave any earlier since it means I have to go on longer no-pay leave. So my maternity leave starts when Shannon is born, and I'm hoping that's not too soon, since I am only going back in October 2005.

Pre-Eclampsia Assessment

Pre-Eclampsia Assessment

It sure has been a long time since the last update. I'm now 37wks1day along, and in the last week, was put on enforced rest because my blood pressure went soaring. Last Monday, when I went for my routine check, my BP was a high of 167. The doc took my BP a total of 4 times, and it went from 167 to 147 to 157 to 154. This caused some alarm, so he scheduled me for a Pre-Eclampsia Assessment the next day, where I basically had to come in and have my BP monitored for half a day while resting in a chair in a room. So I went in for the PEA and my BP readings went from 156 to 146 to 144 to 131 to 130. Not too bad... so I was discharged with word to rest. Thank God I didn't need medication or complete bed rest or hospitalisation or anything. I just needed to take things slower.

Doctor's appointment...

Had another appointment with the doctor yesterday. Had another scan to estimate Shannon's size... she is estimated to be about 2.5kg right now, at about 34wks3days. She's measuring just right for a baby by Western standards... but by asian standards, she was proclaimed "big" by my doc. Keeping in mind that my other two were only 3.085kg and 3.125kg at birth, her estimated 3.4kg birthweight is huge.

My BP was also a little one the high side... 146, 142 and 140 were the 3 readings I got. I've always had a slight problem with the BP... so I wasn't surprised. I get to see the doc again at 36wks3days, on 25th October. Then my doc wants to move me to Tuesday morning appointments in November - not possible now because I am not let off from school until then. So I get my 38wk appointment at 38wks4days... and I am hoping the last one will be one week later, since I really don't want to wait until 40wks4days to have my last check. If my history of briths is anything to go by, my babies were diagnosed with low amnio fluids during the last 40wk check... where I would go for a scan and a CTG (where they hook you up to a machine that monitors the baby's heartbeat and to see if you have any contractions at all). Then for both babies, I had to have an induction... for the boy, it was on the same day. For the girl, it was on the next day. So that's why I'm hoping that I will be able to go for my last check at 39wks 4days instead of 40wks 4 days. I must remember to assert my rights. *grin*

New sleeping partners....

These days, hubby and I often wake in the night to find little bodies nestled against us, usually with an arm or leg (or both) slung over us, and we ourselves are tottering dangerously near the edge of the bed. Since hubby decided that he had had enough of wandering across the hall to the nursery in the middle of the night to let the boy out to the toilet, he's taken to leaving both the nursery room door and our door ajar. This means that both children now have a tendency to make that little trek across the hall to our room, surreptitiously climb into our nice warm bed next to our nice warm sleeping bodies and somehow manage to take up more space than two adults.

Last night was no exception. I woke twice to find the girl climbing onto the bed, in between us, and twice I walked her back to her room and sat next to her bed while I hoped that she was falling asleep. I used that time to pray for the children... and after a suitably long period of non-movement on her part, I would sneak out and go back to sleep... or try... but it didn't last long. During the second episode, hubby woke to find himself alone in the bed and when I came in, he asked if our darling princess had been making a nuisance of herself. "Twice" I mumbled, as I manouvered my heavily pregnant body into bed. Shortly after, the door opened (again) and the said princess climbed into bed again. Daddy invited her to lie down next to him, but she chose instead to settle down on my pillow, take my bolster and promptly start tiny little snores. I turned my back to her and tried to sleep, but I couldn't... I was so aware of her little body next to my huge one.

I was also wondering how wise it was to allow her to start this trend. This was not the first time she had been allowed to come into our bed... and I certainly didn't want her to once Shannon was born. I'd be sleep-deprived enough as it is, and I don't need her disturbing my sleep especially when Shannon is sleeping. But right now, hubby is exhausted from all the night duty he has been doing, and is willing to do just about anything to get more rest. I don't blame him. Oh well.

I think we need to figure out how to make her stay in bed. I was thinking of incentives... just like I rewarded the boy for not wetting his bed when we first took away his night diapers. Maybe we should reward the girl for not leaving her bed at night or calling for us, but to put herself back to sleep. We'll see.

Dreaming of Canada....

Just received mail from a good friend who is in Canada (Hi K!!!!!) and she's getting married!!!! I do so want to fly to Canada to attend her wedding... it's a long awaited event and I so want to be a part of this... but by the time her wedding rolls around, Shannon would have been born and would be about 7 or 8 weeks old... I think.

I am dreaming of flying over to Canada with JD and hubby, and leaving the boy and girl behind in Singapore... simply because we can't afford to fly everyone there... and because it would be too much to try and travel with everyone... inluding a 4.5yo, a 3yo and a newborn. Even now, I can imagine my parents' reaction... "What???!!! You want to bring your new baby to Canada???? Are you crazy??!!!"

Those of you who are asians would probably understand the conservative nature of the older folks. I know the "westerners" don't bat an eyelid about bringing very young infants on planes and such... and it's a fairly common occurance... but it's just somehow not done that much here. Besides... my MIL and mom would be stuck with the boy and girl respectively. Not too bad except that SIL would probably still be in confinement... although it would be towards the end of her confinement. Hopefully, if little EK (the nick that I've come to give my new nephew to be) is early, then his mommy would be out of confinement already... and maybe things might be easier, and we might be able to get MIL to agree.

Now we have to take a real close look at our finances and see if we can afford to go to Canada for a week or so... and we are not talking about just the cost of flying there... there's meals and accomodations and stuff to think about too... Oh well.

Ebay discovered....

I have just discovered the joys of online auctions.

I have been coveting this thing called a Bumbo Baby Sitter for a long time... in the stores, it costs a whopping S$89.90... for this foamish thing that a baby who can support his head can sit in and it will keep the baby upright, even if the baby can't sit on its own. Problem is that the baby soon outgrows it... probably lasts only a year at the very very most.

Well, recently, I started surfing ebay, but to my dismay, the worldwide site usually doesn't ship worldwide... and even if it did, after conversion rates and shipping, it would cost as much as just simply buying it off the shelf right here. So I checked out the Singapore ebay, and to my delight, I found ONE Bumbo on sale... for a comparatively low rate of S$55.00. Two months old... slightly used... still in a box with instructions. Not bad.

Needless to say, since online auctioning is not exactly a way of life here, I won the bid, and lo and behold, today, I went and got myself the Bumbo... at slightly more than half price. Yeah! Now, my next wish is to purchase the Fisher-Price Infant to Toddler Soothing Rocker... also going for S$89.90... but I can't for the life of me find it on the local ebay. Darn.

Oh well, hopefully, someone will just happen to get it for me or something.

Update on the nephew...

He's gotten over the HFMD. And my kids didn't get it either... thank God! And he started school this week. It's been rough on him, grandma and his parents too, I think. *grin*

MIL is so very glad to finally have her mornings to herself again, after so many years... 4yrs plus to be exact... since the birth of my first child. Now, my nephew goes off to childcare, and my son doesn't appear until the school bus drops him off at about 12.15 in the afternoon. She is talking about getting a cleaning lady in in the mornings to do some housework, so that she can spend some time on her interests again... like sewing. And she knows that her newfound freedom will not last long, since SIL is due to give birth in early December. The birth of JD will not affect her freedom much since I am doing my confinement at home with the confinement nanny... so it is the birth of Nephew2 that will affect it. Then it's going to be another 2 years before she even gets to have free mornings again. And even that will be shortlived, since once the kiddos start Primary school, it'll all be staggered... But I am really grateful to MIL.

She has been a great support, and she is wonderful in that she has never forced her opinion on me. She expresses her opinions, but she leaves the decision making to me. I try to do the same for her, and we compromise here and there. But thankfully, we also agree on a lot of things, so that is good.

A quiet household.... NOT!

This house is only ever quiet on Wednesday nights... that's when dear hubby and I go out on our date nights and come home to a quiet house. No kids. The boy stays over at Grandma's, while the girl stays over at Mama's... hubby's mom and my mom respectively. Otherwise, this house is never quiet, outside of when we are all asleep, or when we are all out.

But it is not a good thing for the house to be completely quiet otherwise. We have learnt this the hard way. When the children are too quiet and awake... they are either ill, or up to mischief. Once, the little girl was quietly playing by herself for the longest time. Daddy and Mummy were in the computer room, trying to accomplish something online... and it was only after a while that we realised that we hadn't even heard a peep from the girl. I rushed out of the room only to see the little princess sitting on the floor with a box of wet wipes before her... with all the wet wipes pulled out one by one in a little heap next to her feet. And it had started out as a brand new box... newly opened that very day.

I reiterate... it is not good when children are too quiet. Especially if the said children are only toddlers, who are incapable of keeping quiet for more than 15 minutes at a stretch... even if they are watching they favourite show on TV.

Infections...

My little nephew Ash has HFMD... well, at least his version is so mild it's mostly just in the mouth. He spiked a fever on Monday, and an ulcer was spotted in his mouth. Other little dots like a rash was all over the inside of his mouth, but those had not turned into full blown ulcers yet.

Now my worry is that my children, particularly the boy who is spending the week at my MIL's since he is banned from going to school, will also get the disease. However, I am comforted to remember that generally speaking, my children have a slightly stronger immune system, and if Ash's condition is mild, it is also unlikely that they will get it from him.

Infections are such pesky things. Especially in a house where there are many children, and they are all supervised by just one grandma who cannot keep an eye on all of them at the same time, they tend to somehow share plenty of bodily fluids from all the touching and mouthing they do. They play and put things in their mouth and then touch each other and all that kind of stuff, and in the end, they do more than just share playthings... they share germs as well. Ridiculous.

My two children were in an environment where they were not as yet exposed to the germs in schools... and the two of them did not fall sick while being breastfed. Come to think of it, the girl was hospitalised with bronchiolitis only after the boy started attending childcare... so the boy probably brought home the germ and passed it on to his little sister, who was also in the process of being weaned, so that meant that her immune system was not as strong.

With the arrival of Shannon, I am determined to give her a boost via mummy's milk for as long as is possible... which means that she will have the privilege of having more than 6 months of mommy's milk... unlike big brother and sister. This is especially important since she will be entering infantcare upon my return to work, and the house will also hold another infant as well as two school-going children (one in nursery and the other in K1), as well as another child who is attending childcare but will still bring home germs nonetheless since his mommy wants him to be picked up by about 6pm in order for him to have dinner on time. Oh well.

The Alien... aka Bean...

It feels like I have an alien in my tum. It's getting very tight in there, and anytime I have to sit upright, the little alien within starts moving, wriggling, squirming, pushing, shoving, stretching and moving in everyway possible for a tiny little human being cramped up in a space that's half as long as she is actually tall.

In each ultrasound that we've had so far, she's been head down. Most of the time, her hands are near her face, and her knees are drawn up towards her chest with her feet near her bum. Now, when she squirms, I swear I can feel tiny little elbows and knees and feet and hands poking and prodding and basically making herself very felt! Sometimes, she pushes so hard that it actually hurts. I see my tummy making waves, and there are times when the movement is so sudden that I wonder what in the world the little one is up to!

I used to call my children renovation contractors... because it felt like they were doing renovations to my insides. The girl didn't move quite as much it seemed, but the boy and this littlest girl moved/s quite a bit. Maybe it's the good Lord's way of assuring me that all is well, for Down's babies are born with the floppy baby syndrome, where they don't have much muscular control and whatnot... and this baby obviously does quite well. But still, I'm just grasping at straws, to make myself feel better.

I love it when they get hiccups. These very rhythmic thumps are felt from deep within. Sometimes, they seem to go on and on, and sometimes, they don't last very long. It is said that babies have hiccups so as to build up their diaphragms. With strong diaphragms, they develop very good lung power and are capable of making a great deal of noise with very little effort. This was definitely true of the boy... he is very loud today, and has trouble controlling his volume. The girl can be just as loud if she chooses, but she has better awareness of what is loud and soft and when what is appropriate... her awareness of indoor and outdoor voices is better than that of her brother's.

I always miss the wonderful feeling of the little one within. It's one of the things I miss most about pregnancy. Once the little one is on the outside, I miss that special bond (s)he and I shared... that something special just between the baby and I. Of course, ask me in my third trimester how I am feeling and I'm likely to complain about a whole barrage of things like how bloated and tight I feel, and how heavy I feel and how I wish the baby could come out soon... but the truth is, I love being pregnant. Despite all the discomfort, it's something so special that I will always treasure the time. And this special feeling doesn't last all that long either. You only really feel the baby move at earliest sometime in your fourth month... if you're lucky, and mostly if it isn't your first. So for about half your pregnancy, you will anticipate feeling the movement of your child... and when it first happens, you are unsure... and as the days go by and the movement becomes more and more definite, you get so excited. You can't wait to share this feeling with others, but it's another month or more before anyone else on the outside can feel it. Then too quickly, time passes and it soon becomes uncomfortable.... until lightening happens, when the child's head becomes engaged in your pelvis. Then a different kind of discomfort develops, and you worry about the baby falling out... *grin* And all too soon, the baby is born, and there is this vaguely empty feeling... all that is left behind is this chunk of flab, no occupant within, no movement, no nothing. Oh well.

I must remind myself, everytime I think I am feeling too uncomfortable, that I only have another 7-8 weeks left of this special fellowship with my baby... because all too soon, this special tie will be severed (literally) and I will instead have a squalling, wailing, pooping, peeing, puking, regurgitating new occupant in my house, whom I can finally see and play with and interact with, but not bring with me literally everywhere I go.She will no longer hear my every word and every breath and every heartbeat... instead, she will be exposed to so much more... she will be her own person... sigh.

Yet another hospital stay... this time for the boy

It seems that this year is the year of hospitals for us. With the exception of my husband, we have all been admitted into hospital at least once, with me going again at the end of the year for the birth of JD.

The boy had bloody stools on Friday, and I sent him to the hospital's A&E. He seemed to be very well at the A&E (so what's new right? All you mothers of kids out there know this - somehow, the child is so sick at home, but once at the doctor's office or Emergency room, he seems to be fine, and you look like a paranoid mother with no sense of judgement...) and we got sent home despite my telling them that there was fresh blood in the toilet bowl, sufficient to turn the water in it red. So off we go, because I am not going to sit around in the A&E to wait for a sample of his stool to come out (goodness knows how long that will take), and I have instructions to "bring him back" if he passes a lot of blood again (how much is a lot for a 4yo?) or if he has excruciating pain that doesn't resolve (how long does it take for me to decide it is not 'resolving'?) and so on. We leave A&E at about 6:30pm, and I go back to my MIL's for dinner with my son. He takes some dinner, complains of more stomach pains, and in about half and hour, passes blood in his shorts, in streaks on the floor and in a palm-sized puddle just outside the toilet. We scoop up the blood as best we can, and head straight for the Emergency room. Again. Within 2 hours of our having left it.

The diagnosis is Intersusception (it sounds like that... don't ask me if that's how you actually spell it). Considered "urgent", my son was whisked (as quickly as they are truly "whisked" in a hospital, given he's not unconscious) to his room about 1.5 hours after we arrived at the A&E. More doctors look at him, prod him and poke at him... but my son is not terribly perturbed.

Why? He remembers the time when the girl was in hospital - more importantly, he remembers that his little sister got to be the center of attention, and that while at the hospital, lots of people came to visit and brought with them treasures of the toy kind... both for him and his sister. He remembers that his sister had a "pain" in her hand where they put the plug for the IV drip, but since that is over and done with (they put it in while he was at A&E), he was quite happy, especially since I had assured him that they put that in so that they wouldn't have to poke him anymore. He eagerly asked when everyone was coming to visit him, and what toys they would bring. He asked if he could have stickers to stick on the bed, just like meimei, and if the various aunties he had seen would be bringing him anything. His eyes were bright, not with pain or fear, but with excitement, at having to stay at the hospital... for he now got a bed to himself, a TV overhead that played Sesame Street, Barney and Bob the Builder 12 hours straight every day, from 9am to 9pm... and for the fact that mommy got to stay with him in the same room, and every once in a while, nice aunties in uniform came in to talk to him and take his temperature or write things down on paper.

It was a slight pity that he was warded over the weekend. We "checked in" on Friday night, and "checked out" on Sunday afternoon. Since he was on a drip from Friday night to Saturday evening, he didn't have a chance to check out the gift shop since he was hooked on to a machine that was plugged into the wall. No one could take him for a walk either, so he couldn't con grandma into buying anything for him. Once he was off the drip, the shops were closed, and there was nothing to buy except the cheaper toys in the 7-11 store. This also meant that mommy was somewhat bored, since with the girl, mommy was constantly taking her in the pram downstairs to the "mall" to look at all the pretty balloons and toys and stuff.

Still, he got some new toys out of the experience. We also brought his entire Thomas collection including the trains, tracks and Mountain to the room (we had a single room to ourselves) so he was more than occupied.

The final diagnosis was GE or gastroenteritis... whatever that really is. The doctors were rather vague in explaining that, but basically it had to do with the gut and it was causing the diarrhoea. Because there was blood, the diagnosis was further specified to say "bloody GE" - sounded like the cuss I would have liked to release if I were not brought up quite so well. He's on strict instructions to stay away from all things dairy, fried or oily. That's going to be sheer torture, since he likes milk and cheese, and all things dairy, fried and oily. When he finally passed a soft log of stool with no blood on Saturday night, I knew we were headed home on Sunday.

I pray that this will be our last hospital stay until JD is born. That at least is a good thing. The only downside is that while we could claim insurance payments for the last two stays incurred by the boy and girl, we can't for the birth of JD... so that's the depletion of savings and what not. Still... it's for a good cause... *grin*

So to date, the two older kids have two hospital stays under their belt each, not counting the time they were born. The girl was warded twice for bronchitis, and the boy for hernia surgery once, and for GE this time. Let's hope they don't try to make my life any more exciting than they need to anytime soon.

My Sister-in-law is also pregnant...

I was just re-reading my blogs and came across one where I said that my SIL is pregnant, and that I would save that story for another day... but never did say more.

Life has become a little more complicated this time round, with SIL being pregnant at the same time as I. You see, SIL is actually my husband's brother's wife... so we share the same Mother-in-law (MIL). SIL, BIL and MIL stay together with FIL in the same house. SIL and BIL actually already have their own house, but it is located rather far (by Singapore standards) away from MIL's home. Since we all work (except for FIL and MIL), MIL helps us to look after our kids.

Hubby and I got married one year earlier than BIL and SIL. We got pregnant with the boy shortly after, and he was born just a month after our first anniversary. The girl came along 16mths later. A year after that, SIL gave birth to her first child, Ash (my first nephew). Now, traditionally, MIL would help us in the first month after we gave birth to our children (in Singapore, it's known as the confinement month - long story... will explain another time). For me, with my first two children, MIL would stay over at my house for the first month, going home only on weekends. She helped me through my first month, and subsequently came over every weekday to help with the child(ren) until I went back to work. For my first two, I took a total of about 6mths leave from work - maternity leave + no-pay childcare leave - so that I could breastfeed them until then. After I went back to work with my first one, I'd send the boy to MIL's everyday before I went to school, and pick him up in the evenings, after dinner. When the girl came along, a month before I was due to go back to work, I started the boy at full-day childcare, so that MIL would still only have one kid to look after when I went back to work. So now it was the girl's turn to go to MIL's daily, while the boy spent his days at the childcare centre.

The arrival of my nephew slightly complicated things, but not too much. For about 4mths, MIL had to cope with an infant and a 1yr old. But still, things weren't too bad. Then I started sending the girl to childcare as soon as she qualified (at 18mths), so as to not tax MIL quite so much. When the girl started childcare, I took the boy out of childcare and sent him to Kindergarten instead (he attended the nursery section, when he turned three). So MIL was looking after a baby and a 3yo who would only come in the afternoon, after school.

Both SIL and I tried to have our next kid but had a little difficulty conceiving. Finally, I got news that I was pregnant. 3 weeks later, SIL also found out she was pregnant. Now we were in a fix. Confinement month lasts one month. MIL also needed to look after my newphew, and would not be able to help with my confinement month, since it would also overlap with SIL's confinement month. So, we decided to hire a confinement nanny at SIL's suggestion. That solved the confinement dilemma. Next year, MIL would have 3 children aged 5,4 and 3 to look after, plus two infants, should I take only 6 months like I'd always done. So we decided that I'd take a longer no-pay leave so as to help MIL out somewhat, since that option is only available to me, and not SIL, who would surely lose her job should she try to apply for such a long leave of absence. So next year, instead of having the luxury of MIL coming over to my house to help out, I will have to have the 2 older ones plus JD in tow in the early mornings, send the two older ones to school before hauling my butt to MIL's... stay there for slightly under 3 horus, leave JD behind for a while, go pick up the older ones from school, go back to MIL's with the two older ones, and stay there till DH joins us for dinner before going home for the night to hopefully sleep and start the cycle all over again the next morning.

SIL and BIL took quite a lot of persuading, but they finally decided to send my nephew to childcare. SIL's greatest fear was that Ash would fall ill. But he was already falling ill anyway since he spent much time at home with my kids, who would regularly bring germs home from school. Finally, they've decided to send nephew into childcare. So that's one less kid to worry about during the day. Hooray! SIL also only has 8 weeks of straight maternity leave, before she works half-load for another 8 weeks, so as to fully utilise the 12 weeks of maternity leave that is due to her. That means that after she goes back to work, MIL and I will have to look after my 3 children plus her infant. Not too bad. But I cannot in all good conscience leave MIL with that brood after I go back to work in October... so I will have to send JD to infantcare (something the elder ones never went to, simply because it was too expensive previously) upon going back to work. Thank God for the new maternity package, where the infantcare subsidy has been raised to $400. So that leaves MIL with a by-then 5yo, a coming 4yo and a 10mo (my second nephew). Hopefully my two will be old enough to be less of a handful, so that she can cope.

It's going to be interesting to see how we are all going to fit into that little house. MIL stays in a 4-rm flat (an apartment with 3 bedrooms), and one of those bedrooms was converted to a study. Right now, MIL and FIL occupy one of the other rooms, and SIL and BIL occupy the other. They are going to move Ash (my elder nephew) into the study for sleeping at night, since their room is too small to accomodate Ash and the little one to come. I wonder how we are going to get all 4 kids down for their naps during the day... The two older ones might take FIL and MIL's beds, while the two infants might sleep together in a playpen or something in the hallway, so that they don't develop into light sleepers. Don't know.

Another complication that arises is the fact that DH and I have date nights every Wednesday, and traditionally, the two older kids have gone to a grandmother each, depending on where they were headed the next morning. Now that the two kids are both going to school, and I'm cancelling the school-bus so as to save us a little money, it's going to be tricky. Also, with Ash sleeping in the study (where mine usually sleep at night when they stay over) at night, where is MIL going to house the two older ones? I figure we'll probably have to bring JD on our dates until she is older, because my own mom is not very good with babies. Maybe we'll also have to pick up the two older ones from MIL's after our dates instead of letting them stay the night since there is no space. We'll see.

Ahh, such is the life of a family... it's about juggling and giving and taking... and forcing myself to look at what I can do to ease the situation, and not what someone else could or should do to ease the situation. I must admit, there are many days when I am tempted to dwell on what BIL and SIL could / should be doing to ease the situation and complications, and it's so tempting to be self-righteous and look at the adjustments that we are making and say how much more we are doing, but I am sure that they have their reasons for making the decisions they do. It is not my place to tell them what to do, so I shall just leave it at that. Afterall, I wouldn't like it if they were to try and tell me what to do either.

Some of you reading this might wonder why we don't hire a maid (common in Singapore) to help us out. Well, the truth of the matter is that it is a lot more complicated because hiring a maid means a large sum of money invested monthly, plus the fact that hiring a maid comes with it's own host of problems... and these are problems that many of us in my family are not prepared to take on. Furthermore, space is limited, and we don't have a decent place for the maid to rest at night... so that would create even more problems. SIL actually wanted to hire a confinement nanny for herself too, because she was afraid that with MIL looking after Ash, she would still be stuck with the baby and would not get enough rest... but FIL was reluctant to have someone else in the house, in his kitchen and using his study at night, for he would lose his privacy and such. Oh well.

But all in all, I am looking forward to my new nephew (who still does not have a name as yet) being so close in age to JD. It should be fun watching them grow up together. They will probably have birthdays that are really close. As it is, Ash and the girl's birthday are only 4 days apart (although my girl is one year older than Ash)... Ash's birthday is on Nov 10th, while the girl celebrates her birthday on Nov 14th. JD is due on Nov 19th, and my new nephew is due on Dec 8th. SIL is hoping that new nephew will be born at 38 weeks gestation, because that means that her confinement month will end just before Christmas. That way, she'll be able to get out of the house and celebrate Christmas together with the rest of us. Otherwise, she will have to spend Christmas and the new year confined to the home, with the newborn. And MIL already has committments to sing at the Christmas concert in church. Plans for the annual Christmas eve party at MIL's has to be shelved this year (or at least scaled-down greatly) since many of DH's relatives aren't Christians and are somewhat superstitious when it comes to being in the same house as a lady serving out her confinement month (again, long story... will write about confinement month and its ridiculous practices another day). FIL is still insistent that there will be a party of sorts going on, and has told MIL that he will invite only those who are not superstitious to the house. *grin* The Christmas Eve party has always been a time of great gathering and much singing and drinking and merry-making.

OK, this has been a very long novel. I shall stop here.

The Confinement Month (or when Baby is born)...

In Asian culture, the Chinese practise what is called the confinement month. Starting from the birth of the baby, the mother and child is confined to the house for the period of about a month (this ranges from the entire calendar month to just 28 days).

Traditionally, as far as I know, someone will help the new mother and child through this month. I will call this person the "confinement nanny". This person can be someone whom you specially hire for her expertise on confinement month practices, or just simply someone like your mother, mother-in-law or even grandmother (if you are fortunate enough to still have them around).

During this confinement month, the mother is not supposed to do much besides rest in bed and look after the baby in terms of feeding and making sure that she eats the right food and does all the right things. According to Chinese belief, the confined mother is considered "dirty" for the month, and is not visited by relatives or friends, who choose to turn a blind eye to the birth of the child until the child is a full month old.

Chinese Asians don't have baby showers. They have instead "full-month celebrations" where parents hold a party and they give their guests specially made food such as hard-boiled eggs dyed red (an auspicious colour in the Chinese scheme of things) and other such goodies. Relatives and friends then come either with presents of the mother and child, often including tonic for the mother, or cash gifts wrapped in red packets, symbolising good fortune.

The confinement nanny is supposed to take care of the mother and baby entirely in that one month. She prepares special meals consisting large amounts of ginger and other specific ingredients, all for various purposes. These ingredients are believed to help the healing process and prevent the mother from deevloping aches and pains in the future. The confinement nanny also looks after the baby, meeting its every need while the mother rests.

New mothers are expected to follow certain practices too, some of which are rather out of this world and downright unhygienic, if you ask me. Some practices that I have turned a blind eye to include the rule that you are not to bathe or wash your hair for the entire month (yuck!! especially in humid Singapore), or that you are not to use the fan or air-conditioner, or that you are to touch as little water as is possible. New mothers are also not allowed to drink cold drinks or plain water even - their beverage must come in the form of a specially brewed concoction of red dates and other herbs.

I thank God that my MIL is not the kind to insist that I must follow these traditions. I am further blessed that my MIL is a former nurse, and knows the importance of good hygiene. So I spent the two confinement months I have had so far happily bathing as and when I liked, drinking as much cold water as I wanted, and basically doing as I pleased. I was really grateful for the help that I had, for I was fully-breastfeeding each child, and was majorly sleep deprived. My mother would criticise me for not following this and that rule, but since she hardly saw me during the confinement month, I didn't have to put up with all that for very long at a time.

The nurses in Singapore tell mothers that their job after childbirth is simply three-fold. To feed yourself, to feed the child and to sleep. It's wonderful. I can't imagine how the many mothers in other countries cope. I have plenty of friends from around the world, thanks to the boards that I participate in, and they tell me that when they come home from the hospital, they are often left alone with the baby right from the start, and the more fortunate ones have DH with them for a few days or even a week or two. No wonder so many Americans suffer from post-natal blues. It is so easy to get depressed and upset when you are trying to cope with a squalling infant, sleep deprivation and trying to stay on top of the housework... not to mention older siblings and the million other things that seem to fight for our attention. So I would say that Asian mothers have got it pretty good. I may not agree with the entire confinement thing, but in itself, it is a wonderful thing...

I am a rebel in more ways that just what I have mentioned when it comes to confinement month. Traditionally, you are to be confined to the house for the entire month. But DH and I still sneak out after a week or two to spend some quality time alone... even if it's just for half an hour. Both my babies were brought to church at the age of 3 weeks... before they were due to get out of the house. I took the boy to a local hotel at 1wk old, because of his clicky hips - he was due to be given an u/s scan, not only for free, but we would be paid the $100 we would otherwise have had to pay, at a convention they were having for doctors and what not. So that was really cool. The other mothers who had volunteered for this were shocked that I had only given birth a week ago... *grin* Most of their babies were at least a month old, if not older.

All in all, confinement month is a blessing. I am a little wary as to how the confinement month for Shannon will go because for once I have an honest to goodness confinement nanny, well-versed in what I should and should not do. The only hope I have is that she is a Christian, and I hope she will be understanding towards me and will accomodate my reluctance to conform to each and every practice. I really need to talk to her and find out exactly what she plans to do. I don't know how she handles the confinement month and the mother, but I hope we get along.

Soon to be a family of FIVE!

That completely boggles my mind. Family of FIVE! I myself am an only child. I have no siblings, and lived all my growing up years with just my parents as companions. After school, I would go to my aunty's home, and sometimes play with the neighbour's kids... who were a good 7 years and more younger than I. My cousin and I would quarrel most of the time - so much so they called us "cat and dog". We are 5 years apart, my cousin and I, and so growing up was difficult because we had such different interests. Things only got much better as we got older and started to develop similar interests and hates... today, we are great friends. She's also my children's greatest fan.

Interestingly enough, my paternal grandmother had 3 kids - 2 boys and a girl. Each of her 3 children had ONE child each... the boys had girls and the girl had a boy. So I effectively have only 2 cousins on my father's side. My maternal grandmother also had 3 kids - all girls. She had to give away one due to poverty, and so I effectively only have one other aunt on my mother's side... and this aunt has 2 boys. Thus I come from an extremely small family. A total of 4 cousins, 3 boy cousins and 1 girl cousin. The boys are all younger than I, and the girl cousin is 5 years older. My girl cousin is the closest I've come to having a sibling. And so, when it came to bringing up my children to love each other and enjoy each other, I was/am truly at a loss.

There are days when I despair... they seem to quarrel and fight all the time! But these days, things are looking up. The boy and girl can actually play together peacefully at times, and show great concern. The boy is a paradox. He will shout at and scold his sister, or get really mad at her, but woe to anyone who decides to bully or "disturb" her, or do anything untoward... for he will come flying to her rescue... and this means trying to rescue her from us, their parents, as well! There are times when we are trying to discipline the girl, and the boy will come to us and tell us off, saying that we must have "kind hands" and "kind mouth" and that we musn't scold. I have said to my son many times now that we do so out of love, for the girl has done something wrong... but then he takes it too far, and then tries to act like her father! Sigh. How do I explain to a 4 year old that he and I have different roles to play. A brother's role in life is completely different from a mother's role in life.

I try not to compare them, or pit them against each other. But I sometimes fail and give in to that temptation. I am determined to bring up my children in a loving manner... and with this addition of the littlest girl... I am worried that my son will be even bossier than ever, and that my elder daughter might feel left out because she is the midle child. But I mustn't worry too much... as long as I continue to pray for my children and for our parenting skills, I believe the Lord will keep watch over us and bless the children as they grow.