overwhelming

it's overwhelming.. taking the time to look at back things. in retrospective, you can see things more objectively. and possibly also in various different view points as well.

read chapt 53 of newtrials just now and i realise there's this theme [if you could call it that] where sakura and syaoran really seem to be star-crossed lovers. fated to meet but not meant to be together. the concept is really sad. i guess this is where i can see why shakespeare's romeo & juliet does so well. it's the element of the bittersweet-ness. and dare i say the element of hope [albeit just a tiny glimmer] that the end could have been different.


but on to a lighter note, movies coming out next year, 2008:

twilight.... 12 dec yes the stephenie meyer novel. starring bella stewart and robert pattinson [aka Cedric Diggory] i don't care if the movie is bad, for goodness sake. it's twilight the movie... duh i'm gonna watch it.

chronicles of narnia: prince caspian ... if memory serves me right, it's the third book. also there are 7 books, again, if memory doesn't fail me. same cast, but i can't remember if the pevensie siblings' male cousin made his first appearance in this corresponding book. i thought he did. but judging from the trailer, looks like the screenwriters decided that his character was redudant.... oh hold on...
scratch that [i think...] man this is confusing. no i think.. lucy went back again in voyage of dawn treader, this time with that male cousin..and the cousin's friend.. or did that friend appear in the next book? haha oh well....

sisterhood of the travelling pants 2... hmm.. i'm waiting to see this. the actress who played bridget, blake lively, has qutie a repertoire of movies i just realised.

harry potter and the half blood prince... 21 Nov wow what a long way we've comes since lil harry and friends first stepped onto the hogwarts express, had their first charms, transfiguration and other classes.



and hear ye hear ye!!.. yes it seems like there will be a high school musical 3...

also, jas and hidz, you'll both be glad to know that there'll be a toy story 3,2010.

also...

in 2009, from Walt Disney:
Rapunzel
The Princess and the Frog
Pirates of the Caribbean 4 [i know.. i wonder what they'll come up with, probably just focussing on Cap'n Jack Sparrow, from Wikipedia]

in 2010,
Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Toy Story 3
National Treasure 3 [i wonder abt this too.. it seemed like they had to scrape for a decent plot for book of secrets.]
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows [yes i am curious as well. how will they summarise that thick a book into an... at most... 2.5 hours film, judging from the fact that the longer books border around 2 hrs. Alas, yet antoher epic journey is ending.]

in 2012,
Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair [man i really can't remember what happened in this book.]

looks like their doing the whole shebang of Chronicles of Narnia... i mean.. 4 already in production or tentative.... hmmm

so ever ever after

forever could even start today

ever ever after

maybe it's just one wish today

ever ever after

tis the season to be jolly [?]

this is dedicated to my very brilliant friends who managed to pass with flying colours for their VCEs.

Congrats to.....

Elaine [woah lao... smartass. some more can take time out to play tennis. still see her in school during her supposed mugging period. sheesh...]


Howard [um.... i can't believe you can get that kind of score even slacking that much... genius much? :p]


Adrian [oy... give yourself a break pls... you're out of school now... and it's really REALLY REALLY good. sheesh....]


now let's see... i guess 40 was too high an expectation for me. sad...

let me go wallow in my depression.

cross-eyed.

why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway???

urgh....

i hate this.. i blogged on the other blog just now.. and that one sentence really says it all i guess. hah!.


i really REALLY hate this.

gifts.

stemmed from boredom.





ok.. so... monday: went out with tricia. so sorry... i kinda got lost in the dhoby ghaut mrt station. why? because i couldn't the exit i wanted to get out of... and it was raining and i was not feeling well so i didn't wanna get caught in the rain. right... so the first thing i spent money on since i came back [not counting misc stuff like topping up my ezlink card, bubble tea, food.. the likes..] was cross stitching...





i think i started on the night itself and finished almost all the top part of the dark pink stitches when my mum said that i used to wrong number of strands. partly my fault coz i didn't quite understand the instructions... and this IS the first time i've ever started a cross stitch thingy by myself. oh well.. so i had to unpick every single stitch that i did. and eventually it led to my mum's friend just cutting up all the thread. so... from tuesday night till now, this is what i've accomplished so far....

yeah.. and i still have one more cross stitch thingy to do... and it's WAYYY more complicated then this current one i am rushing to finish.

gosh.. bear in mind that i have to finish both of them in less than 2 weeks... yes...

dreading christmas.....

at least i haven't poked myself with the needle yet..

dedications

hidz, this is for you...
haha

nope, there's not much.. haha. but some were taken at some party we had. and some when one of the guys were leaving, going back home. :D

home

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

just because i'm such an frappucino blended cream freak back in aus. haha

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 69%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others. You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator. However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

hmm....

Your Heart is Feeling Indifference

Your heart is pretty much on hiatus right now. You're not particularly interested in love, and you're cultivating a sort of romantic apathy. Whether you've been burned badly or you're just burned out, your heart is cold to passion. Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: A bit of cold heartedness Your current outlook on love: Detached and stoic - you try to analyze love from a logical perspective Your love life will improve if you: Open up a little. Stepping back can help you find peace with your emotions, but it can also make you repress them. Watch out for: Too much cynicism. Indifference can lead you down a dark path.

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

bored. watching my series but wating for the exciting part. yeah..

SOOO... I'M BACK!!!

er.. finally it's raining, but it's not at all cooler. gosh. i think i've got heat rash. it's so itchy!!!!

right, so...
i'm just gonna stone at home for these few days. really don't wanna step out of the house. well... i could go... oh yes!!!! there's a bubble tea shop just downstairs.. yummy. i will do that once i finish blogging!!

oh gosh!! they guy in the show just got rejected!!! well, he's not the lead. but.. oh well. poor guy. haha.... kinda stupid though. the reason he proposed. lol...

yeah well... i'm off. continue with my series...

possessionless...

right. yes.. i'm 2/3 possessionless. was packing my stuff so that auntie mary could store it in her place. oh dear. i think i left supplements there. er.. hopefully it doesn't melt.

haha barry was like i'll be looking at your dvd collection.
but chic flicks you watch ah?
nvm. can also.
oh yeah.. when you're bored. can do anything.

*laugh*

haha...

yeah. i guess ladder 49 and illusionist are worth it. considering his age.. hehe.. um... let's hope he doesn't laugh at swan princess. hehe.. i guess karate kid is alright too. pat norita as miyagi was AWESOME!!!

oh.. not to mention all the dance movies i have there.

oh crap.. i just realised i don't know which box i had my three school reports. the reports are in a folder, the green mlc folder thingy... then... i can't remember which box it is... the coverless one? or the closed one?

prob the closed one. coz that's where all the school-related stuff are. the worksheets, notes and hwk books are. i have this memory of me trying to stuff smth at the side of the box. can't remember what it is.. damn it.. why's my memory so bad???

this really annoys me.

my pet irks.

all i got is my body

and it's naked for you

all i got is this heart

that i'm willing to lose

i know in this life

i give it everything

all i got is this soul

and it's shedding its clothes

do you see who i am now

you're standing this close

you know in these arms

you're feeling everything

but i couldn't care less

i'm standing here possessionless

ok. i'm never going to that bookshop again. freaking hell la.. that stack of books... 40 freaking bucks, including the cd. i came back again,when paying for my other books, and asked la. girl said. ok. coz it's 2nd hand and we have to make a profit.. smth along those terms.. more polite of course. ask me twice which school i'm from. eff la.

come on la.... 2nd hand so what? it's not that bad condition anyway. plus!!!! you say have to sell at half price. that GRAND TOTAL of 40 bucks isn't even half price of the two of those textbooks put together. what kind of shop you running? maths cna't even.

your so-called profit is daylight robbery. effing hell.

this is shit.

and the stupid school just had to send the secondhand book list to SINGAPORE. sheesh, common sense la ooi!!! student in aus, therefore books in aus no? so you go send to student's home in another country. what you expect? family to send book list back ah? i know you money looting convent, but no need to cause trouble for people guah....

you're going out of your way to 找麻烦.

talk about strategy.

on a side note...

Congrats to Chang and Cheong for getting certificates of distinction in a number of their various subjects.

:D :D

and for goodness sake. one is better than nothing.. :P

obliterated.

my going away hardly makes us less friends.



That's the feeling right now.

urgh i have to continue packing right now. gosh.. i feel like i have so much stuff. don't know what i should put in the suitcase and what belongs in the boxes. eekk.

if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck..

"Go to hell!"

"I don't want to go there. I might run into you."




haha...



ok. i got this grade for spesh. and i counted. i could have gotten better. stupid careless mistakes. plus i panicked so much during the paper. everything got inverted. er... yeah.

i got delta's new cd!! whoohoo..

it's not as good as i thought it would be, considering there were so many good, raving reviews about it. it's definitely a lot more 'spiritual' than her previous two cds. but i think my fav is still innocent eyes, even though i'm kind of sick of the songs by now. the feel to the songs on delta is just really different to previous ones.


i have exactly...3+ days to get my uni enhancement form in. i really dunno if i want to do it. i mean i guess i kinda do. but i don't wanna do it alone. like.. i really wish my friend would decide if she wants to do it or not. my psych teacher did ask me if i'm doing psych next year. and i kinda told him i don't know. i wanted to ask him if i should do psych or the enhancement subject, but i never got around to approaching him.

crap. then i have to fill in the form.... what the hell do i put in the address..???



ok... this sounds really bad haha...

i finally watched h20: just add water!! only because it involves mermaids. it's kinda interesting coz this time they ARE the mermaids, instead of the main character/s finding mermaids. haha...

AND NAT WON!!!!!! YES!!!!!

oh crap.. better go.. i just saw the spesh teacher leave his office. eck.. i'll blog again later. maybe i'll post pics. haha... if i actually get off my lazy bum to do it.

wilde-ly

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde

Let it be known that true-er words have never been said.




sigh. for some reason, i think i'm over it.. haha...




yeah.. this is me bored.. so i'm looking around for funny/witty/humorous qutoes instead of revising for chinese.


"Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt."
- Mark Twain
[hey jas, i finally found the quote's origin!]

"If everything is under control, you are going too slow."
- Mario Andretti

"You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same."
- Unknown
[this one actually makes a lot of sense and speaks a lot of truth.]

"Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d."
- William Congreve
[well, i just know the short version of it.]

"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
- Joseph Stalin
[i'm amazed that it's quite true.]


If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- Anonymous
[oh this is sssoooooo applicable, don't you think cheong?]

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
[now i know who to thank for the quote.]

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
[i know just the person to use this one on. haha...]

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
-Albert Einstein, (attributed)
[well, wouldn't you know? now now, the lines between reality and fantasy and truly blurred.]

Nothing makes a man so modest about his income as a tax form to fill out.
- Anonymous (?)
[i'm laughing my head off at this one..]

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
[see smth cheong?]





yeah.. that's all of the 'plagiarism' i'm gonna accomplish today. um... the last few without 'credits' do not, in whatever manner belong to me.



yeah.. i should update abt the party soon. after tomorrow's exam perhaps?

wish me luck for chinese... sigh..

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~ John Wooden

*cue big sigh....*


i really wish i could say i'm done with it, over it.






but sadly, i can't.






it's so hard to describe.












shanya and family are in melb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here to check out trinity, since their considering sending shanya to trinity. although it is shan's decision.

we had a good talk and everything.

even went to starbucks for awhile. haha.. shan ordered 2 drinks: caramel frapp blended cream, and another for herself, supposedly the vanilla frapp blended cream.

but the cashier got mixed up and thought she wanted the vanilla caramel frapp blended cream. heh...

so we sat there sharing the drink and catching up.


and when i talked about that issue with her.... it didn't seem so bad as yesterday when i blogged about it, and when i talked to jas about it. the emotional 'baggage' seemed 'lighter' when i spoke to jas about it, and subsequently when shan and i chatted.

but it had come full circle again when i came back.

urgh...


it doesn't feel like much...


it just GROWS... i guess. or rather.. a better word would be festering.. since it is an unwelcome thing... sigh..


okok.. i'm done talking about today. kinda tired.. sleeping at past 4 two nights in a row is not fun.. especially when you wake up early.

night..

truth

it's not denial.

i'm just very selective about the truths i accept.


that's really applicable right now, i think. and i really don't know if saying that this has come at a (somewhat, other times would have been worse - so i guess now would be the 'most') suitable time.

i'm really confused with the situation. mostly because, logically, i know it'll never happen - IMPOSSIBLE.

here is when i think of jas's fav quote/motto:

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.


but, my dear friend had to go and come up with a rebuttal for that statement:

THEN, how do you slam a REVOVLVING DOOR?


or another come-back from cheong...

BUT, i do NOTHING everyday...



yeah.. it's really hard. coz i can't help my reactions, which probably aren't even my 'real' self anyway. it's not how i behave.


it's very wrong.






couldn't get much worse than this...




i'm really trying to avoid the cause of the situation. but it's not helping. i shouldn't have reached out a helping hand in the first place.. or rather.. i still would have but.. i'd rather it didn't cause me this much.... 'baggage'.

i suppose it started a long time ago.



i'm starting to wonder if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. from what i learnt about psych. yeah.. weird thing to draw this conclusion of my 'self-fulfilling prophecy' from.




i wish it never happened.


i have never resisted anything so badly before, at least that's what i gather from my 'selective', short-term memory.


i don't remember anything being so conflicting in this manner before.

not even e.






insecurities play a big part of it...







hell, even talking about this situation is hard.





















VERY HARD...















now, i'm so confused. i don't know what's my natural behaviour/self now.












it's all one big twirl of a mess.....










i thought i could be different. what i wanted, what i dreamed of seriously has been confundled together to give me this completely...

urgh.. i don't even know how to describe it.





if it were true, denial would be the problem.

i sure hope it's false.

coz then i'd know that denial.... in this situation doesn't exist and wouldn't make sense...

but then.... what other explanations would there be?????







i'd really wanna call you, jas. but two things...

1. it's too late and i can't use the phone.

2. it's best if my dormmates don't hear what i have to say.



i'd say that's enough for the rest to know..

it's not over

yet it is....


kind of.

so.. I'M DONE WITH YEAR 11/INTERNAL EXAMS!!!!!!

coolios man...


so yeah. after chem exam. went to the city to EAT with cheong at DON DON. hehe... no movies to watch, so we decided to roam around for awhile. went to borders, then a&r, and finally found ourselves at dymocks. got a book!!!! yippeee. haven't bought books in such a long time... i think. heh.

anyway, cheong couldn't tahan anymore so we decided to go back. woah... seriously, we were the walking 'dead'. haha...

i love the pun. wait, is it even a pun?
haha.. anyway, the wrixon party is on tonight. i shall sneakily take loads of photos. since, was it you-hidz?,i was supposed to take photos and post in on my blog. but lazy me can't be bothered to take photos. haha.. or rather.. i hate taking photos unless i'm the one behind the camera. haha.. not that i'm really good at photography.

oh well.. yes..

so i'm done with school exams. just left with that blasted chinese external/VCAA exam next week. sigh... and that means i have one whole week of doing nothing, starting today. whoohoo!!!!!

too bad i can't sleep in. still have to wake up at bloody 7.30 am. oh what the hell. tried to go back to sleep just now but i ended up continuing with the new book i bought yesterday. finished it already. damn. why do books here have to be so expensive?????

hell. everything is expensive!!!

shit man...


ok anyway, now i'm going to find myself stuff to do. since NOBODY updated on fp. urgh... oh and did i mention the fact that i already finished my book?

seriously, that leaves me with nothing recreational for me to do.

i'm wondering how..

psych is officially screwed.

mmhmm.

that's all i have to say.

or maybe not.

royall pissed that i don't have quite as good a memory as i want to have.

urgh...

the problem lies with me and my procrastination.


yeah. so i better do chem now.

i must do well for chem.



or else....

ten feet off the ground..

oooh.. lookie here!!!

My 100th Post!!!!

haha.... after slightly more than a year, i have finally reached my 100th post. that means i only update abt 1/3 of a year. that's little huh?????

oh wellz..
natalie got in!!! whoohoo!!!! i hope she wins aussie idol. but frankly, she's not as good as delta goodrem or katharine mcphee. haha...

delta performed on aussie idol last night. i think the song was called believe again. it's really weird, she's releasing another single after the album. huh... thing is.. some of her 'actions'/mannerisms while playing the piano last night, was really... for lack of a better word lascivious, or should i say suggestive? i don't know..

oh right.. as of last night, i officially declare that i don't wanna know what guys are thinking half the time. umm.. or maybe more than half the time.

is which girl they think is hot/wanna bag all they think about??????????

urgh....
disgusting. and ken said "we're guys.".... =.=

uh-huh... and they continued talking about delta and carl's gf. for goodness sake!! they're both taken!! too bad!! ok. maybe i am sounding a bit mean... i was like.. "i don't wanna hear it."

stick out tongue. haha


yeah.. spesh was crappy yesterday morning. shouldn't have panicked. could have done so much better. um.... shouldn't have wasted so much time dilly-dallying. pissed man. made careless mistakes again i'm sure. um. what else?

okok.. better not.. otherwise cheong see this, sure 爆炸.

eh.. english today was... yikes. i've never written so much before.. in my life i think. i'm not really sure. 7 pages worth or words, although since i came here, i indent and leave a line every paragraph. and i usually don't write double sided. paper here is too thin. heh...
thing is.. i think my handwriting here is bigger. i'm trying to remember my english essays which i wrote last year... especially the letters/functional writing... i think my handwriting was neater and smaller back then. humm... weird...

okok.... so yeah.. english. i don't think my journeys essay was good. just me rambling on. but considering what i had, i liked my introduction. well.. more like just the first four lines. haha

what pissed me off was.. ok. after the language analysis, i wrote the cat's eye based essay. and i'd already polished my introduction - had two introductions written. one discarded, the other was the one i was gonna use. so when i got down to writing my cat's eye essay.. GUESS WHAT???

i picked the wrong paper and wrote on the one that i wanted to discard. shit man.... the one i wanted to use had my scribbles all over it. urgh....
at least i wasn't that far into my essay otherwise i would seriously have screamed during the exam. yeah so i rewrote whatever i had.

for the first time in a long time... i actually finished the exam with 10 mins left. considering the 15-20 mins i spent dazing around, pausing, deciding what question i wanted to do. and not taking into consideration the 15 mins reading time - coz it was pointless, i couldn't map/plan anything, i spent 20-25 mins of the exam doing nothing. sheesh... lol...

AND also.... i didn't come out of the exam room with my hand feeling absolutely cramped and jelly-like. FOR ONCE!!! that's incredible...

actually, the language analysis was kinda weird.. i didn't wanna spend too much time on it. i was TRYING to manage my time. haha..

but oh well, now's hoping that my essays were alright. i couldn't be bothered to write the statement of intention because i remembered ms cross saying that we only needed to write one if we wrote a non-expository essay. eck.... panicked for awhile there. asked ruby, turns out carmen didn't write one even though she didn't write an expository.. i think.. oh well...

hell....

need sleep, but gotta mug for psych. i seriously feel like giving up on psych. sigh.. don't wanna study for it. i already feel like i'm on holiday.

pffttt.....

a year ago today....

thanks for all the birthday wishes ppl!!




had methods exam.it was quite entertaining listening to melody muttering math terms during the paper. hopefully i didn't make any careless mistakes, which i'm quite well known for. urgh.. i can't imagine how my teachers can tolerate my careless mistakes. they must want to pull their hair out, no wait.. correction: they must want to pul MY hair out. haha
anyway, finished the exam. went down to glenferrie. cheong treated me to lunch, we had pizza hut's pizza!!! haha.. thanks again, cheong! then went to safeway, needed to get stuff. treated myself to a box of LCM's, considering i manged to survive a week on 5 dollars, since i lost my wallet. sigh... too bad they don't have a Koko Black in glen. i was kinda craving something chocolatey - hence me staring at starbucks so much. but now i'm really craving this..

Koko Black's Iced CHocolate, which is kinda rich for my tastes, but i want it nonetheless. :D

went back to wrixon at abt.. hmm.. 1ish? 2ish? watched sisterhood of the travelling pants (in 05 birthday style) coz diane brought over the vcd on my birthday that year. and we didn't finish it because we were too occupied doing everything else. so yeah, watched the movie again, really liked it.
diane.. i don't think i'm like eh.. what's her name? lena caligaris? or whatever her surname is.
wendy brough nando's for dinner. and for 'entrees' we got some steamed dim sim and deep fried prawn. not much of the chinese nigel wanted for dinner. heh.. birthday cake... phew.. luckily nigel cut the cake first. wendy was like.."now remember, your knife has to come out clean otherwise..." but yeah.. i think his knife came out clean, couldn't really see coz i was standing far far away. sadly, i was the only girl there. sigh.. ingrid went to the library.. -_- adrian and ken were standing so close to nigel when he cut the cake. then adrian asked "hey nigel where's my kiss?" talk about gaying it about.. haha really wished i videod that. nigel was like... oh you want one ah? and he kinda.. pounced on adrian. haha.. it was hilarious. lol...

later, we begged wendy to take us on a little 'excursion' to the park. excuse being, we don't know where she was moving to next year. so yeah.. we went to the park for about an hour. the guys playing soccer. i tell you getting hit by a soccer ball is no fun. got hit on the shoulder while i was peacefully sitting on the swing sending msgs. thank goodness i didn't let go of the phone. it would have flown far far far away....

decided to sit on the spinny-thing teacup since i hadn't sat on it since it got burned down, which was months ago by the way.. and nigel spun the thing so fast, i was trying so hard to keep my arms from flailing around. was leaning on my arm and wendy thought i wanted to puke.. haha... but i was fine and they wanted to spin us the opposite direction, to get rid of the giddiness. hehe.. no thanks, i didn't need another round. so when i got out of the teacup thingy, i think it was either nic or ken ho who dared me to walk in a straight line to the nearby slide. haha!! too bad for them i made it!! :P:P:P oh yeah.. silly me was also trying to send msgs while on the spinny thing. thanks jas for sending those international sms-es. sorry i didn't reply much, was running out of credit. ie phone going broke.

leaving for the 'excursion'....

got back to wrixon.... played cards, tai tee and heart attack. not forgetting the guys fooling around. oh wendy joined us in heart attack. played till nearly 1 in the morning. lol...

some of the guys being funny:...

yeah.. that's about it for my first birthday away from home.. haha.. my bro called!! that was nice. hehe...

it's time again

yup.

it's that time of the year again.






EXAMS...

tomorrow: methods

monday:spesh
tuesday: english.. oh i dread. i wrote an essay in class last week. indicative grade is B!!! bloody hell. shit man..
wednesday: psych
thursday: chem

i have no idea how i'm going to cram for everything.

thursday: chinese vce exam. the big one - yes.

i'm so dead.

half of me feels like i really don't care anymore why? because 4 of my exams are only year 11. shit man. that's what i hear loads of ppl say "it's only year 11".

confused.

elegant disaster - - - - -

SHITT..........

I LOST MY WALLET.


ON SATURDAY!!!

I HAD MY DBS, WESTPAC CARD, M-CARE CARD. CONCESSION CARD, SCHOOL STAR CARD. MOVIE TICKET STUBS - SOBS. 15 DOLLARS. MY 2hr X 10 tram ticket which still had about 4/5 more sessions-thingy. BOOST CARD, MELB CENTRAL

AND MY BORDERS VOUCHER THAT MY BRO GAVE ME. i realised that i forgot to take it out. SHIT..... it had about 60 BUCKS STILL....sobs...

and THE VERY IMPORTANT SLIP OF PAPER THAT BELONGS TO MY MUM....

FUCKKKKKKKK........

right...so i had to make so many phone calls, and i've only just finished my last call. urgh... thank God i don't have any credit cards. yikes.

i feel so.. urgh.... i have to wait 28 days for that stupid card. shit...

i'm never losing my wallet again.





CRAPPP!!!!!!!

fallen star

stardust.

it's fitting i guess. i must say that the movie-ending is much more 'fairytale-like' than the book. not that i read the WHOLE book. i just browsed through it at borders and read the ending.

bittersweet all i can say is that there was definitely no babylon candle invovled at the end.

sigh... so yeah...

leave me your stardust to remember you by.

*heartache*

sigh...


so yeah.. i changed the template. just clicked on the link on my favs. i actually don't know how to bookmark webpages. er.. hehe.. *embarrassed*
right, so i clicked on the link, loaded the page, and i spontaneously decided to change my template. yes, again. haha.. i've changed my template quite a few times this year.

to think that i used to take forever to change my template even though i was tired of the one that i had. haha....

1 more month to go!!!!!

ooh!!! i just found out that ruby-chan has the same birthday as i do. lol!! that makes. hm.. let's see.... kimberly ong, ruby, nigel... 3 people who share my birthday. hum.. i feel like i'm forgetting someone. thought there was at least 1 more person.

oh well... no matter. hah....

Lady Luck

Good Luck to all You VCE/IB-ians...

haha.. ok that was a lame name.

but anyway, do well!!!!

Reach for your dream!!!!


okok... lol.

my eyes are dry somehow

urgh.. there's so many things to write about that i really am too tired to type about it. haha..
more like i can't be bothered.

but anyway, read elaine's xanga today. her blog entries are quite interesting, well, she just blogs about whatever happened that day. but somehow i can imagine her saying what she typed about, so i guess it adds humour to it as well.

right, so yeah now you know my reason for not recounting my days here. too lazy.

heh...

ok.. dance class tonight and ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER is on as well. hope i can get back quick enough to see if that lady gets half a mil.

seriously, you get paid to act stupid. how lame is that?

one more week to exams. which start on my b'day. it's so surreal. the year is gonna end soon. yikes. i'm gonna be here for almost one school year already. how freaky is that?

yeah so about a month more till i get back home... somehow, i'm torn between being happy and excited and dreading going back. sigh.. and i feel bad about dreading it.

i'm also in a dilemma trying to decide if i should do enhancement chemistry next year.
if i do, i'll have to drop psych, i mean, i can't drop methods if i'm doing spesh. if i'm not doing spesh, i'll still wanna and have to do methods anyway. coz methods 3/4 is the most wanted prerequisite for most uni subjects. yeah... so.... english can't be 'dropped', methods either and chem (irregardless if i'm taking the enhancement study or not)

right:english, methods, chem.
i'll only need to do 5 subjects next year because i'm doing chinese 3/4 this year. haha..
it's either i drop psych or spesh. and i'm not sure about it at all. i'm just worried that i won't be able to study hard enough for psych. i guess i'm going into my self-fright mode, like in o levels again-even though it didn't cure my procrastination. i'm thinking of hte amount of chem i have to study. not to mention, methods and spesh, coz seriously, they allow you to bring your notes into exam, but i'm seriously trying not to do that. it's only there as a back up. i really wish i could say at the end of next year, for my exams, that i don't need my notes there because i'm confident that i won't need it.


































































big sigh...

and spesh, well, i'm also worried that i won't be able to do well for it. it sounds so hard.....

right. so when ms vce coordinator gave me the forms yesterday, she said i have to drop a subject. i thought because i have already done a 3/4 subejct this year i wouldn't have to.. but it turns out, that the school doesn't allow me to do 5 + 1 subjects (ie. 5 subjects + the uni enhancement). bloody hell. this school doesn't allow me to do anything.

i could have done 2 3/4 s this year i guess, but the school doesn't allow me. you need a special 'invite' to do so. fudge...

i guess i'll go discuss this with the familial unit back in sunny island located near the equator.

way back into love

this sounds really lovesick.

not that i have ever been in love.

anyways, i was blogsurfing just now and came across a friend's blog which wasn't updated since forever till about a couple of days ago.

but yes, it was an entry about bgr. and it got my imagination running.

i was thinking:

if i had a bf, would my mother really object to it? i mean influence on studies aside, would she mind?

anyway, after the incident couple of weeks ago, i understand why she says what she says.
all that stuff about getting to know more people first and not just stick to one person.

i thought it was because she knew me well. i don't like change, not really at least. i thought it was just a load of advise.

but now i know.

yeah, so i guess she wouldn't object(depending on how you look at it), she'd probably say something like "it's your life. you do what you want." (which would hurt shitloads) but now that i know the truth about the whole situation, maybe what i think she might say is "as long as you know what you're doing" or something that wouldn't hurt as much as the previous statement.

right. now that i think about it. even if my mum didn't mind (much) i think the person who'd have a problem with (getting) a bf, would be me.

i don't know how the dating traditions go. do you go on a date with someone to get to know them better? or do you go on a date with someone because you're, for lack of a better word, dating the person, in a relationship with them? and in any case, how do you define 'dating'?

wikipedia says: Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or as a spouse.

but i realise that dating, in fact, is not so black-and-white. so if a couple says they wanna go on a "break", does that mean they're allowed to get to know other ppl and go on a 'date' with them, while still techinically belonging to the land of the "attached"? or are they just not meeting(read exclusively dating) each other and 'behave' as friends while still maintaing the "she's my girlfriend/he's my boyfriend" status?

what if the two parties involved have very different understandings of 'dating'? i mean one party could take it casually, and the other could take it seriously, exclusively. (ok, so this is a bit extreme, but it could happen!)

is liking (read: having a crush on) someone reason enough to date them? how exclusive is 'dating'? i guess that links back to your definition of dating.

the point of a date is to get to know someone better right?

so do you date someone you know or get to know someone you date? or do you date someone to get to know them better? (i'm a bit muddled here, dunno if i'm making sense) if it's the latter, is that casual or exclusive?

ok, so if you didn't catch what i said at all, then i'm really sorry to have wasted your time reading my blog. but if you do, even a fraction of an ounce, catch my drift. well... kudos i guess?

my worst fear is to get in too deep, and get my heart broken i guess. and maybe because i can't imagine letting someone in, i guess my idea of bgr is really intimate.

i can see why some people are hesitant about marriage.

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

And if i open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

learn to be lonely

shit. i forgot again.

yikes.


this is seriously not working. i hate it that i can't remember it at all. it's like mind block. i reallly wanna remember maybe i should video it. gosh.. that's so stupid, plus i don't dare ask someone to help me video it. scheissen or however you spell it. i admit.. i don't know german.

argh. this is so depressing.

i should have done my work as well last week. i did the work that wasn't necessary.

so pris isn't going to do the dance classes next year. i still wanna do it. it's just that i don't wanna do it alone. don't know who else to ask.

this really sucks.

my eyes become alive...

Yes, bored again.
I'm really unsettled thinking about some stuff, which i think is really unfair. but i really can't say it out here. haha.. and don't bother asking me about it. i won't tell.
So yeah, the results of effectively occupying my time....

1. when is the last time you held hands with someone?
umm... my mum?

2. You wake up as the opposite gender, what's the one thing you'd do?
what kind of qsn is this? try not to stare at certain parts of the anatomy?

3. Have you ever crawled through a window?
not that i remember or recall as of this moment.

4. Where is your mum?
At home, watching tv i think.

5. Morning or night person?
Both? Depends really

6. What was the last movie you watched?
eh? in the cinemas? that would be... the nanny diaries.but dvd/vcd-wise.. sound of music. haha. just barely an hour ago.

7. Any cool scars?
hmm... no... but i do have a scar that i didn't realise i had until couple of years ago.

8. Things about the opposite sex you notice first.
hum... either the face or hair. if i hear the speaking first, the voice i guess. i mean, my ears do not come with a switch on/off button.

9. What do you do when no one is watching?
sing/dance to myself, that's most often

10. Ever been in love?with someone?
no.with other objects like the tv for example? in love wouldn't be the right phrase.

11. What's something your friends made fun of you for?
i seriously have no idea. i think i'm always too serious. hehe.. sorry guys.

12. What is your curfew?
eh... in my bh, 10.30

13. Would you ever dye your hair red?
highlights count?

14. You and Alcohol?
um.. don't know. never gotten so drunk before. and i dont think i wanna find out either.

15. What's your worst personality flaw?
pride

16. What career would you wish to be?
does that mean what i want to be after uni? or what i want to be but is quite unattainable?

17. Which country would you like to visit?
nowhere? i'm not up for a eurotrip-ish holiday.

18. Do you want a well-paying job or one you enjoy?
Ideally, both?

19. Do you believe in needing a religion?
Honestly? I'm not sure. But that depends one the individual.

20. When were you last on the phone?
This afternoon?
21. What were the shoes you wore today?
Havaiannas count?

22. Do you like maths?
um. Relatively, to the other subjects, yes.

23. What about history?
As interest, yes.

24. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time?
hmm... I'm lucky if i even see 2!!

25. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Nope. Am not gifted with so long a tongue.

26. Do you have a brother?
yes.

27. Did your great granddad fight in the civil war?
haha... which civil war?

28. Who's your favourite person to talk to online?
um.. jas, jeanni, petra. otherwise, it would depend on what i'm gonna talk about.

29. Have you ever used photobucket?
Duh...

30. Do you like hugs?
when from someone i'm comfortable with or am in need of it.

31. Do you want to be a doctor?
Nah, wouldn't want to do the opposite of my supposed profession.

32. Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth?
yup. still alive now aren't i?

33. What do you do right before i go to bed?
Should i take this literally or figuratively? I'll go for the more humourous one.. Figuratively? Close my eyes? hehe...

34. Right when you get out of bed?
Literally, make my bed if not, turn on the computer.

35. Would you date a guy/girl with hair longer than yours?
As of right now, my hair is shoulder-length. If the guy can pull it off, and i genuinely like the guy that way, i don't see why not. I'm not so sure if my hair was any longer, coz the guy would have really REALLY long hair.

36. Do you want to be famous?
i'm not so sure...

37. Do you spend a lot of time contemplating life's answer?
Define life's answer. But yes, i do think quite a lot.

38. Do you do your own laundry?
Yes!! Speaking of which, i forgot to hang it up. crap. must remember to do that first thing tomorrow morning.

39. What words do you use instead of "good"?
eh.. Great?Nice... haha..

40. Anyone on your mind at the moment?
Romantically? haha.. nope. sorry to disappoint.

frustration, helplessnes, nothing better to do

Yeah i self volunteered myself for this quiz thingy.

RULES:1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 people.
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.


1.How are you feeling today?
Island in the Sun by Weezer
eh... i'm defnitely not on a holiday, heh. but this song makes me feel sad for some reason, and yeah, the day has been a bit... for lack of a better word - sad.

2.Will you get far in life?
Later by Jordan Pruitt
wait for it.. i'm listening to the chorus.
um. it says i'll catch you later. you're a player so see you later? i'm guessing that's not good?

3.How do your friends see you?
Better Off Alone by Katharine Mcphee
gee, that's not good. if they think i'm better off alone. yikes, all my friends out there!!! don't leave me!!!

4.Will you get married?
Dirty Dancing by Black Eyed Peas
i have no idea what to make of it. umm... does that mean that the guy would be good in dancing? i wouldn't mind. lol

5.What is your best friend's theme song?
Half-Lit by Steven Strait
um... they wanna see my face?? so i guess that's good. coz they wanna see my smile? not that my smile is that radiant or um.. ok nvm.

6.What is the story of your life?
Stickwitu by Pussy Cat Dolls
that's good isn't it?? People will stick with me? (hopefully through thick AND thin, no good if only through thick.) heh....


7.What is high school like?
The Prayer by Celine Dion and Andrea Brocelli
I take it high school is Sec 3,4 and Year 11 and 12. For my case at least?
Oh Dear. hope this doesn't scare ppl of high school heh...

8.How can you get ahead in life?
If God Made You by Five for Fighting
hum.. believe in God. yes that's good.

9.What is the best thing about your friends?
My Big Mistake by Delta Goodrem
um... how should i take this? they're my big mistake? no, they're definitely not. choy choy choy...

10.What is in store for this weekend?
What I've Done by Linkin Park
um.. whatever was in store for my prev weekends i guess.

11.To describe your grandparents?
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne
um.. yeah.. i mean no disrespect, but er... grandparents are elderly people. and they tend to er... talk about their 'old days'. so yeah.. keep holding on.. makes sense?

12.How is your life going?
El Beso Del Final by Christina Aguilera
The only word i think i understand is final, which is final. um... but besides that i guess this teaches me about let's see.. learning another language? lol i'm talking crap here...

13.What song will they play at your funeral?
Smooth by Santana
Man it's a hot one? i'm not sure if being described that way is um.. flattering.
but er... my life went smoothly? yeah ok, i'd take that rather than the above.

14.Will you have a happy life?
Whenever, Wherever by Shakira
phew, I thought the itunes would have given me something like... Friday Night or Boulevard of Broken Dreams. thank goodness.

15.What do your friends really think of you?
Catch You, Catch Me by Gumi
um.. another language i don't understand. ????????ahhh??? does that mean they don't understand me??

16.Do people secretly lust after you?
Only Hope by Mandy Moore
What the hell man?????????????????????????? I don't being lusted after is very flattering either. Means those ppl are thinking with their hormones--> not good.

17.How can I make myself happy?
Hao Xiang Hao Xiang by Gu Ju JI
By thinking about guys with dreamy eyes? um, that might work, i'll try that one day. :P

18.What should you do with your life?
Dance Like This by Wyclef Jean & Claudette Ortiz
OH sure... if i could dance like that and be professional i wouldn't mind. haha..

19.Will you ever have children?
Anything But Ordinary by Avri Lavigne
um...i'd rather ordinary thank you. if i could have children who will have life.. um ok.
no wait.... my children will not be ordinary, they will be special in their own way. :)


haha.. at least i didn't get weird stuff. heh..


ok.. jas and hidz!! you guys must do this. lol. um... as for the other ppl: whatever floats your boat man.. cheers.

my boulevard of broken dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone


I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone

just a stranger on a bus

it never ends. nope it doesn't

so ok.. monday: ~Spesh test on trig, vectors, misc graphs.
~English Oral due, and we didn't get any extension, she knows i've got TESTS.


let's not forget tuesday i have methods and chem test!!!!!!!

and let's also not forget that i have to do another ERA for psych. how the hell am i gonna handle psych in year 12??

and now i've got no idea if i should do psych and spesh next year!!! i mean.. urgh....

help!! there's no point going to the teacher coz there's no way in hell i'll understand what she's going on about. i read parts of the textbook already. but i still don't get it. what's this stupid a cos x + b sin x = r cos (x-α) or.. wait this one's better...
a cos x + b sin x = r sin (x+β)



looks similar right? so is α and β interchangeable since that's just labelling an angle? i like sin better than cos. yikes. don't even talk about tan.

basically you're adding the same things, but why do you end up with two different answer? does that mean that r cos (x-α) = r sin (x+β)


bloody hell la... so this is what happens in spesh class...




















anyway, i stayed for period 4 to do english oral prep with ruby. sorry i was late. not that you'd read this. hehe.. but yeah.. so i still have 4 or 5 more questions to go. oh well i think we'll need to 2 or 3 more questions. yikes. oral!! AGAIN!!!!

so at about 4.45 i left the school library, and while walking down fitzwilliam st i passed this adorable black and white cat/kitten. funny thing was, when i walked past it, it turned around and started following me. weird things was, it kept slowing down and when i was a few steps in front of it, it would run and chase after me, till it was walking in front of me. so cute... it crossed 2 streets with me then it just sat at another crossing i kept turning to see if it would follow me again but it just sat there waiting. it was kinda cute the way it kept chasing after me. lol

hmm... i was kinda worried that it would follow me back to the boarding house. huh....


ok. i'm watching so you think you can dance now... yipee...

a year ago today..

thanks for all the birthday wishes ppl!!

had methods exam. it was qutie entertaining hearing melody muttering all the math terms. hopefully, i didn't make stupid careless mistakes that i'm really known for. haha. i wonder if my teachers ever pull out their hair in frustration. now that'd be a sight.

i'm really craving this right now.... koko black's iced chocolate, although it's a bit too rich for my tastes. haha....

oh yeah... so, cheong treated me to lunch. yes, i officially admit that i'm sick of the infamous sandwiches. we had pizza hut's pizza!!! thanks cheong, again. :D

went to safeway, bought LCM's. decided to treat myself since i basically lived on 5 dollars for the week since i lost my wallet. yup... went back to wrixon.. watched sisterhood of the traveling pants!! in '05 birthday fashion. remember diane brought the movie over on my birthday and we were supposed to watch it, but.. ah.. too busy doing other stuff, didn't pay attention to the last half of the movie. (or maybe last three quarters). so yeah.. finished sisterhood, i really like it. haha..

humm...

that's a bit of the guys fooling around after dinner. haha.. then we 'begged' wendy to take us on a little excursion to the park , where the guys continued to fool around. sat on the super fast spinny-thing teacup. nigel had to go spin it so fast and talk physics at the same time.... silly me was still trying to msg.. jas! while trying to keep my limbs from flailing around. haha... then they 'dared' me to get out of the spinny-thing and walk in a straight line to the slide. haha!!! and surprise surprise.. i did it!! :P:P lol

sorry jas!! didn't wanna msg coz i was running out of credit on my phone. heh... and nope, i did not take a photo of shirtless ppl!! not interested anyway. haha....

but here.. a pic of the the guys fooling around.

lol... and then after the hour at the park, we came back and played cards, tai tee and heart attack, still about 1. haha. we were making so much noise. and wendy joined in!!!! lol.

bathrooms

the bathroom is where i find my solace. why?



because you can cry and your excuse would be the shower water running down your face and the shampoo getting into your eyes.

and something about the hot water is just so comforting you know?

and if need be, not that i have ever used it before, but i imagine the cold water can be quite the wake-up call as well.

and well, i sing in the bathroom. but recently, no, the walls here aren't soundproof enough. i used to at home coz i knew my family wouldn't mind. although i sang only when my bro wasn't at home. lol.


ohw ell, i can't believe i forgot so fast. and she's not being much of a help either. i'm sure there's a step missing. it's one bloody count!! thre's gotta be smth. already forgot one routine.

and last week's one is already a bit hazy too.


this is not happening!!!


sigh.











































































































at least i didn't cry.

incarcerated

it's not all good anymore.

why?


coz i just keep thinking about that stupid astronaut question. the meaning of the legend now that it's a proven fact that chang'e doesn't live on the moon? i asked for time to think. sheesh. they just nodded (maybe they didn't even do that and it was just a product of my hallucination, result of my subconsciously nerve-wracked mind)and asked me another question. i'm pissed with myself because i couldn't think of anything. i didn't even say all that i could say for the 月饼 bit, and maybe even the whole detailed study bit. i just kept stopping coz i felt that my answers were long enough.


they asked me to 给我们介绍你的学校.
friggin hell? what happened to the no mention of school policy?
or were they just out to get me? schemes i tell you. i was just so shocked that i just sat there staring at the examiner and said 学校? the best thing? i just said that my school was 全部都是女生. 而且，学校很大. wtf? i couldn't think of saying 设备完山.
i'm freaking lodging a complaint to my chinese teacher tomorrow. and..that's not all for the general convo. whatever qns they asked me, i just kept repeating myself. i'm becoming so fucking retarded i tell you.


so much for a fucking conversation. i think they need to double check the meaning of the word. conversation? does not mean interrogation, ie. you DO NOT ask and expect answers in return. you say smth else besides asking qsns in a CONVERSATION.


they need to go back to effing primary school, no scratch that, just brainwash yourselves and go for re-education.

seriously?


my language was so fucking screwed up. the only reason i was half-smiling when i was done was because i was SO GLAD THAT IT WAS OVER.

and i was for x number of hours until i thought about it again. hence, me blogging here.

i just wish i could have done as well for this oral (read: horror) exam as i did last year for o's chinese oral.


now i'm SERIOUSLY EFFING PISSED OFF. i'm trying to refrain from typing out the whole f-word here again.

oh f-ing hell...




now, i have not gotten a reply from Spesh Teacher, but I do know that we have a test on Trig, Vectors, Misc Graphs on Monday. Well well well, guess what else is happening on Monday?

English Oral Presentation. On freaking Cat's Eye, which i, may i so boldly state, have not re-read.

Yes... In the first place, I have not even completed my first reading of the freaking text.

Oh, and if my guess is correct, Cat's Eye will be tested on in my english eoys. Whadya know?

Life's so wonderful.



Just when I thought I was done with oral for a while...



Let's move on to the next day of the week shall we? After Monday is......




Bingo!!!!!




Tuesday... I'll tell you for one thing, it's called the snowballing effect.

I have a short methods test first period, then Chemistry Stoich test in second. It's just one after the other!!




screw you, world.




非笔墨能形容的

无话可言



whatever effing else you can think of.

ruined

it's ruined.

seriously after 3 weeks of pining for that top. i finally got it coz my aunt bought it for me from valleygirl. and it's ruined.

the colour ran...

the first time i washed it, the colour ran anyway, but it wasn't so bad. now, it's got weird pink splashes in random places. wonder if you can do something artistic with is like dying it different colours so it's looks like a nice artistic top. sobs. the only reason i got it is because it was on sale. sObs.

this is me running away *crying*

sigh...

you were always crazy like that...

late at night when all the world is sleeping
i stay up and think of you
and i wish on a star
that somewhere you are thinking of me too


coz i'm dreaming of you tonight
till tomorrow
i'll be holding you tight



now i'm dreaming of you tonight
till tomorrow and for all of our lives
and there's nowhere in the world i'd rather be
than here in my room
dreaming about you and me



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



you were fashionably sensitive
but too cool to care
you stood in my doorway
you've got nothing to say
beside some comment on the weather

well, in case you failed to notice
in case you failed to see
this is my heart bleeding before you
this is me down on my knees

these foolish games are tearing me apart
and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

you took your coat off...
you were always crazy like that

impulse

Maybe there are some things in life that are inevitable.
But if Fate controls everything in our lives then there’s no point for humans to make any effort.

There must be some things left under human control.


~Newtrials












She had always believed love to be a fuzzy warm feeling in the heart, or a deep aching as described in movies and novels. But, it was something more than that. It is a mysterious venture to find a missing part of your soul.

Every day is a journey.

To love is to learn.

~Star-Crossed, Newtrials









“But why did you wait for me, when I left you without a word?”

“Because you never said farewell to me, so I knew that you will come to me again. I’ve always had faith in you. Words are not needed to express oneself. Tears are not necessary in sadness. Laughter is not required for happiness. My point is, faith does not require reason. For nothing is sought for in love, but the fulfillment of yearning in the heart.”


~Star-Crossed, Newtrials

there's a feeling inside i want you to know

how cute is that?



you have pedestrian crossings at the traffic light, zebra crossings.
ever heard of...

DUCK CROSSINGS?













and i wonder are you thinking of me
coz i'm thinking of you
and i wonder are you ever coming back in my life
coz here i am so alone

to live or die trying?

the question is to live or die trying.

the irony? doesn't matter whether you live or not(as in you want to or not), you'll die anyway.

on the other hand, metaphorically, live: living to the fullest.

so techinically i think the statement should be to live to the fullest or die trying. but humans, as brilliant as we would all like to think we are, the statement should be----

To Live AND die trying.

that would make more sense.

i've said my piece for the day.

chasing down every temporary high

one week's gone. two more weeks left. i'm currently gonna be homeless for another few more hours. heh.. i never knew how being homeless feels. trust me, it's not a good feeling. so all those ppl who think of running away from home because they're pised with their parents or smth like that, DON'T. it's no nice feeling.

so my aunt's probably still on the skybus to the airport. felt so bad on thursday. stupid c-link thing. urgh...

anyway, i got spirit and spirited away.

sigh.

i watched 3 movies on tuesday. coz it was cheap as. ratatouille (is that how you spell it?), hairspray and no reservations (yes, again). my aunt wanted to watch no reservations even though she didn't like catherine zeta-jones. haha.. and she liked it. she even said she wanted to watch it again. but she said she won't, at least not here, coz then i'd have to watch it with her. and that would be my third time.




There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure
There's gotta be more

Newtrials

I never realised what newtrials meant until much later, after i read it many many times.
It's New Trials...

I hope she doesn't give up on the story. It's wonderous.

Around the campfire,
The hour will strike,
When you discover your heart’s desire.
Will you admit truthfully to the one you like?
Or will you turn back with a wistful smile
And wait for another little while.

Around the blazing flame,
The hour has struck,
That they will call each other’s name.
Bestowed from the star is all the luck
To lean on each other with the bond of trust,
And conquer the evil that will leave their hopes in dust.

Around the embers,
The hour has past.
Two pairs of eyes, one of emerald, one of amber,
Gaze straight at each other at last.
With all their souls they pray its not too late,
To cease the endless curse of hate.

Around the ashes,
The legacy of the twins stand
Ready with a hundred more biting lashes.
Yet if love walks hand in hand,
And never lets go during the perilous fight,
It may overcome the impossible with its might.

In the end,
The time will come,
When death seems just around the bend.
Things may seem hopeless for some,
Yet if you just wait until the sunrise,
You will be back to where the beginning never dies
Around the campfire.


~wish-chan's newtrials


i feel like my heart's gonna break.

doesn't matter

no, it doesn't. but the world doesn't seem to care now does it?

all or nothing? is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? coz on the same note,
is it better to have met someone(not necessarily romantically) and learnt loads from that person, but get hurt by the person in the end or to just have lived life without meeting that person, ignorant of the things that you could have learnt?

and in any case, the lessons learnt? are they worth the pain? coz if they are, then i guess it'd be worth it. but if they weren't, are memories enough to sustain?

love, makes your insides melt and heart flutter. no?
how in cupid's cloud do you know whether your relationship with someone will last?
and for the guys, the faith that the girl will say yes?

let's fast forward down the track shall we?

marriage. how confident can you be that your significant other will remain in love with you, remian faithful, not change and become unbearable?
how do you know that the marriage will last 'till death do you part'?

hmm...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


being sick is not the most wonderful thing in the world. aside from the fact that i've got a cold and cough/sore throat, i have no idea what's wrong with the back of my throat. the phlegm only comes on in the morning.

gosh. i need to get well by this weekend. sobs.

i want to get that valley girl top. but i'm not sure if the hood is just for deco or if it's supposed to fit, cause if it is, then the medium hood is too short. bleah...

and the black top.. gah.. nice tops. i've given up on wearing jeans. haha.

I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry

-Fergie


things have gotten too far.

Page 3. Please turn to page 3

Please turn to page 3.

Hahahahahaha. I seriously nearly laughed till tears were rolling down. Lunch. Rara stayed and we were talking about school back home. I didn't know that being in a single-sex school was so different from being in a co-ed school. I mean. I know there is. BUt rara mentioned something about cheong and her being in co-ed school back home. and it was really different. about how we could be narrow-minded sometimes.

i'm not offended, not very at least. i just thought. HELLO!! i'm present you know.. but other than that. she was being general. so...

yeah yeah.. i know.. generalising and stereotyping is not very good. but it also does help make life easier.

--------------------------------------------------------------------



anyway, today's september 5th. 9 years. it's been so long. it's gonna be 10 years next year.

1 more year to a decade. it's not that hard to talk about it with close friends. but i still find it difficult to tell someone for the first time. like last saturday when we got kicked out because of the inspection thing... john, pris and i were sitting outside the girls' flat, just so conveniently basking under the sun. and then suddenly john asked "what does your dad do?"

i just shook my head, wearing a netural expression, and somehow the conversation topic changed. he did ask what THAT means, that being me shaking my head. i think i have pris to thank for that, changing the topic that is. not sure.. can't really remember. now, i'm wondering if my gang actually knows. September 5 usually falls in the septmber holiydays. as it is now.

i'm quite sure jas does. though i'm not sure, or i can't even remember how i told them/how they found out. wait.. did i tell them? coz i have absolutely no idea or recollection if i did that.

i don't feel comfortable asking my mum about it. i don't really like asking my mum about my dad at all.

and somehow, september 5 is supposed to be a sad day for me.

But, yet, i just carry on as if it was just an ordinary day. i didn't even remember it until i reached school this morning.

i have funk class tonight. my dad intro-ed me to dance.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's funny how you think you really know yourself
like you would never lose yourself to someone else
and i was up to thinking it was all about you and me
silly silly me

i should have never listened to a word you said
but i was always giving in to promises
i never should have gone for
I should never long for you no matter how hard it gets

And I want this to be over
I so want this to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you



class just ended. gotta go.

September

1st of September was Teacher's Day in Singapore.

Happy Belated Teacher's Day to all the Mg teachers.
Not that i expect any of them to know that this blog exists, let alone read it.

Yesterday, 2nd September. Father's Day in Australia. -- too close for comfort.
Went to shiyou's church. i have to admit that i am a little bit uncomfortable with the uh... enthusiasm. it felt good to hear ppl speak in tongues again. the last time i heard it was during confirmation camp - that was ages ago, almost 2 years this december. and after church, it was very disconcerting.

had pizza with shiyou, was hungry. so had to cancel dinner at wrixon since church ended at 8. got kinda scared walking by myself down davis st.

screwed up methods test today. really bad. couldn't sleep last night. just kept crying. even this morning while i was getting ready for school, i started tearing up. one thing that really sucks here is that some ppl just... when i tell them that i think i screwed a test up, they say "what la you?? screw the test up then come back with 80+%"

i don't get what they don't get especially after i explain my situation with them. i can't believe the stupid careless mistakes i made during the test. especially when it was the solving for tan teta(or however you spell it). i forgot that it was in the negative tangent quadrants. idiot...

and the ananlysis section. i don't know what was happening to me this morning. i couldn't understand a simple y=9-5cos (tpi/10). well, i understood but i just couldn't draw it properly. thought my calculator was screwed.

oh gosh.. don't even get me started on the mcqs. total catastrophe.

and i only realised my mistake after za and cheong discussed it. i asked because i was insecure about my answers. oh gosh!!!

after methods was chem. and i really felt like crying. really didn't want to go to chem class. was so upset that i couldn't even do simple mole calculations properly. was so damn freaking careless. can't believe it. and i thought it was bad back in singapore.

so during chem class, i was so frustrated i actually started tearing up again. God!! what is my problem. i can't seem to stop crying. really missed the gang.. jas, hidz, suri, rimz. i remembered last year after tests, especially add maths and humanities, hmm.. maybe even physics. i'd be so down and upset. but they knew how to handle me even though i put up a fight.

and suri, you guys, thanks for bearing with me. sorry for shouting at you guys in o levels (suri especially). i think it was after physics prac. thanks for being there.

gotta go back now. sigh.

Praise you Lord

you were wonderdul tonight.

it's the end of the month of august.
september's coming.

have a methods test next week and another chinese SAC. i'm so lost.

spent almost 2 hours trying to look for a blogskin. but my dear computer wouldn't cooperate with me. so yeah. i'm stuck in school again coz i have period 4 off.
asked wendy if i could go back at 1.30 today but she didn't know whether she'd be at wrixon. told me to call her.

urgh.. couldn't be bothered so i stayed in school till now. sigh.

ok.. so on tuesday i saw the solar(?) eclipse. it was quite cool actually. can't believe i missed looking at mars couple of years back. pris and i were standing in the garden for nearly 45 minutes.haha
oh, just so coincidentally, in spesh class, we were learning about ellipses. urgh. horrible.

i'm almost giving up on spesh class now. sigh

my life is so mundane.

it's getting quite hot - i don't want it to get hot. it's really annoying. and i feel bad for asking my aunt to come during sept hols when she told me that she wants to come in cold weather. apparently, melbourne wasn't that cold this year, so it warmed up pretty quickly. oh well.. can't imagine what it would be like next year. urgh..

so ok.. i actually wouldn't mind watching bratz - yeah i know.. looks like a crappy show but after watching the trailer it seems OK--.

so yes, i wanna watch bratz. stardust(really excited about this movie. there are quite a few stars in it. claire danes, robert deniro, michelle pfeiffer-i'm sorry i can't spell her name. i'm quite sure there are a couple more but i can't remember). bourne ultimatum (got to watch the first two movies first, if i can tahan them then i'll go watch ultimatum with pris on cheap tuesday).

there's the golden compass that's coming out later in the year, in december i think, so there's a movie to watch on my holiday movie list. i'll probably watch ratatouille, if that's how you spell it, as well. but i should watch it on tuesdays coz it's so much more cheaper. 9 bucks!! saves me 2/3 bucks, which is better than nothing.

anyway, i was looking at my really old locked blog from, oh sec 2? that would be 3, almost 4 years ago. can't imagine the things i did back then. lock blogs are actually quite effective time capsules. haha. yeah, so i was reading the entries. haha. honestly, i read abotu some of the dreams i had back then. it's such a miracle that i could have so many vivid dreams, and actually remember to blog about them in detail. one dream in particular, i got after reading some story book. (jas-hawksong.) haha. can't remember the details of the dream but after reading the entry i wrote about it, i can recall the feelings i had when i dreamt about it. sigh...

i feel old now.

the anniversary is coming up. 5 more days.

ohohohohoohohohohoh...
yesterday i was watching so you think you can dance season 3. maybe it's my memory, but the standard didn't seem as good as last year's. it doesn't seem as good as season 1 - that's quite sad really.

i'm really waiting for that girl who injured herself last year and nigel let her drop out and let her come back next year(this year) and continue from where she was. that's really good. i remember her being quite good at her style of dance, guess that's why nigel made the exception for her. oh well.

sadly, i missed a really good audition because i was playing with charlie, the 11-week old spoodle. cute!! i think it was stanislov, from last season, accompanying his girlfriend who's auditioning.

oh well. i'll probably go check on youtube or the so you think you can dance site. now there's the dilemma, spoilers!!! haha.

freezer

i decided to update about saturday. coz it was just so fun.



so anyway, woke up late at about 10.15, had breakfast and got dressed to go out coz we had to leave the boarding house, stupid auction inspection thingy. annoys the hell out of me.



anyway, i planned to go to the city and meet cheong and shauna. but pris didn't know where to go from 12 to 3 coz she had to/was going to her friend's house at 4; and there was no point returning to the boarding house then leaving again. and john.... he didn't know where to go too so he came to the city with us.



so, we took the train and surprised cheong coz she didn't expect to see pris and john with me.



had really yummy and worth-it jap food. i was so stuffed after eating my jap curry with rice.



roamed around melb central and met up with shauna. then finally, we decided to watch no reservations. and cheong ah cheong. sigh. haha...

it was good. lol. but 11dollars is still too much! comparing s'pore ticket prices, i can't believe i complained that s'pore movies tickets were expensive. sigh, unbelievable.

ok.. i gotta do more cat's eye for now.

我想我可以习惯一个人生活

[as usual, some music.]







yes.



unbelievable. my blog entry title is in chinese. that used to be a never.



oh well, first time for everything they say.



um.. was reading hidz and jas's blogs this afternoon.

and i was hit with a bout of friend-sickness.. (think homesickness).



i feel like such a horrible friend to you guys.



sorry.



you guys are like my closest friends now. secondary school... isnn't that where your most important, longest-lasting friendships are made?



i'm so confused.



i think i'm being over-sensitive. i keep thinking of what i should and should not say to people. sometimes, i feel so manipulative coz i try to control the situation by planning what to say or do. i feel so horrible.

and now i'm truly beginning to understand the meaning of 3d characters, or rather, personalities, people. coz you can never really know what another person is thinking, you can't read a person's mind. so yeah, i've come to face it, no wonder relationships are so hard to maintain.


i'm not in the mood to blog. but i decided to mention what's been going on before i forget, especially the bits about reading hidz and jas's blogs.
ok, i'd better get back to reading cat's eye or i'll die in english tomorrow. she just had to give us a quiz. urgh..

writing

that's the song i used for inspiration, not forgetting the graveyard scene in Phantom of the Opera 2004 film, where Christine is visiting her father's grave.




so i was writing my english folio yesterday.




well, it is only one piece, that's supposed to be approx 1200 words long. but somehow, even after stressing that i 'd be 200 words short, i end up exceeding the word limit by 300 words. haha..




and i ended up cutting it down, with ruby's help, till about 1300 words. that's good. but my writing is still really unpolished. urgh.. it's so hard.




there's still my statement of intention, which will hopefully clear up any confusion that there might be.




oh well...




i was thinking about developing the piece, after it's been marked and will never be seen by a teacher again of course, into a story. and maybe, just maybe, i'll post it on fictionpress.




but this is all just an idea.




knowing me, i may just never do it. heh.






yes well, i'll go back to slacking.




i'm wondering if i should spend money on rush hour 3 and no reservations.




yeah, i should go find out what the movies are about instead of just sitting here wondering. haha....




kk

when the wolf howls

yup, um...

where shall i start without giving it away....

ok. i'm dedicating this entry and template, not that i own it, but you get the idea, to a certain werewolf. sobs...

ok.... i think those select few people will know what i'm talking about. sigh...

not all things can be resolved.

i guess that's part of being human.

or whatever sentient being there is out there.

humph...


i hope petra still wants to read eclipse.

boof...

Letting him disappear behind me.....

I'm not sure what to say now.

In 1 month, I have read 2 books that made me stay up till the wee hours of a saturday night.

Harry Potter.


Eclipse.




Yup, I'm done.



The book left me with loads of mixed feelings.

I read somewhere that after reading Eclipse, Jacob Black's character seemed more.. hate-able.

I have to disagree.


I'm shocked to the core with the last.. hmmm.... half of the book. oh gosh.

I can't wait till Breaking Dawn.

*runs away and cries her heart out*