fie. I didn't wanna leave but I guess I have to.

Salam

I think it's gonna be a habit of me posting every 14th.

I'll take it as a good thing~ x)

Well let's start of with...

HAPPY SEMESTER BREAK TO ME xDD

Yeeeap I'm done with the exams xD Funny thing is.. during the revision week I couldn't hep but not bother about the exams, during the exams I was sooo excited for the SemBreak & at one point excited for the next semester, picking modules then OHSNAP "guuuurl ygotta FOCUUUSS EXAM EXAM", then... after the exams... I thought I'd be dancing off my "booty" celebrating buuuutttt nooooo I had to feel all "This is so not semester" *blablabla* "my GPA's gna "siruk"" HAHA but seriously the "freedom" I was excited for didn't feel right as I expected *sighhhh* You haaaad to think too much huh Fatin x( But then again like any other disappointment I'll recover ;D

Ayte, here's the lay down on how thing's have been the past month.

18th April, the day before my you-know-what-day haha ;D

Like any other hangouts with Midi, they were spontaneous planing, we ate out somewhere in Gadong, I'll give you a hint, Ultimate Chocolate~~ ;9' Yeaa while waiting for a few more of our friends who were joining, we "chitchat". Let just say, Midi, he's an awesome friend, he's always around with good timing. He ma Brah (Y)

"Promises", it was actually a good thing "we" never kept any, when "we" were together I always wished "we" had cause at least I had this certainty that we'd last in a way, but then look as "us" now.. yea.. I'm not saying I'm glad there were no promises, it's just easier that way huh? "We" both would usually say "InsyaAllah" in most planings and what not, ynoe "God's willing", if things doesn't go well, you can't blame God can you? x) Tawakal..

19th April. the big two zero. TweenTeen ;D

There's just to much to say on what happened that day xP Started with the video Izzati Hamdani made for me, like I said everytime someone asks about that video, "Watched it twice, cried both times" I continued to watch it many times til I couldn't cry no more xPP I even cried before the video even started to load *over* ALL THANKS TO MY BESTIE it was better than what I made with Nazreen for your birthday xD

Soo yea, lectures were as usual, in between lectures hung out, chillin'. Don't even ask how many times people sang me the birthday song that day. During Japanese was EPIC!! Well they didn't sing in Japanese if you thought that HAHA it's was "someone's" reaction. I'll just keep this to myself TEHEHE :X Overall most of my time in UBD was spent with or around Midi, the night of my birthday was EPIC *majal epic LOL* Eventhough there were a few spoilers here and there but there was no other way I'd imagine spending my birthday, the surprise to me was a success ;D I was even shocked to whom were the masterminds behind it. I hung out with him earlier in UBD, which was TOTALLY UNEXPECTED. I'm not gonna talk about the "could've"s. I'm just happy how I spent my birthday this year x) the theme was TWENTEEN HAHA

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO MADE MY DAY AWESOME xD

20th April; Because I had too much fun the day before, I knew I wasn't gona do well for the test on this day. Owh Magnetism~ yea got the results I got below 50%. Why dyou think I was so worried about my GPA this semester? x/

23rd April; GREEN RACE.

It was last minute of me to join in a week before the day, after finding out there was one spot left, I picked out 3 friends of mine just like that & registered. The only girl and three guys. Yeaa no surprise there.. =.="

At the end of the race guess who won~ WE DID xDD TEAM 10 is AWESOME ;D

two words. TOTALLY UNEXPECTED xDD Alhamdulillah. *whispers* we beat the cadets ;P

Fast forward through revision week & exams, here I am blogging on the 14th.

Today, wanna know how I spent my day?

I was planing to chill at Coffee Bean at TimeSquare the whole morning. But after last minute changes, transport thing, hung out with father of mine and had brunch instead. When it comes to my dad sending/dropping me off to where I want/need to, I don't really like to complain. So I'll just go with the flow~ had half of my dad's kolomee, one of the best I ever had, it was worth it (Y) Typical coffee shop, it had to be around Kiarong.. hmm x)

After that he dropped me off at Coffee Bean Gadong, I told myself I wasn't ready to go there especially on the 14th, but then again I don't like to trouble my dad. I had something to do in Gadong later in the afternoon anyways, so yea.. There I was in Coffee Bean Gadong, on the 14th.. Ordered my usual ice blended x) then on my laptop surfed & downloaded stuff. Facebook, Youtube, social networks~ a few things to keep my mind off of ynoe......

When it was time to go, one more glance around, leaving the place left me.. hmm well.. I just sighed.. then smiled.. x)

I wanted to embrace the date. I mean I was so use to celebrating "us" on this day everymonth months before. After there were no more "us", how dyou think I handled it? especially on this date, well yea by blogging as you can see (i mean scroll down) haha but yea.. Imma turn it to a positive thing x) I don't know if I said it right but you get the idea.

I've changed so much these pass few months, well in some ways tho, I'm still the ol' Fatin my family & friends know and love ;) The experience I've gone through, will surely make me into a better person InsyaAllah x) I'm just thankful I have good people around me to remind me that I just gotta move one~ I'm happy with what I have & I'm not gonna take it for granted.

The dilemma now is~ with 3 months of holidays, like how Dr. Chia would say, WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I GONNA DO??

I'll just tell you two things that's coming up

1. BRACES

2. DRIVING

It's pass midnight!! Til my next post~ ;)

~*~*~*~

To AM, I haven't heard from you for almost nearly a month. Your exams are gonna end soon, I wish you all the best. Is it okay for me to say the "m" word? nyeeeah everybody know's that... Take care there x)

Never will I find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too.. ;)

There's so much I wanna tell you
But I can't bring myself to say
Things change, I try to move on
But my love will stay the same
Without you babe I never thought
That anyone could make feel this way
Living without you breathing without you
Nothings going to be the same without you

-FA-

fie. you're never far away.

Salam

Another month it has been..

Very nostalgic 14th twas today..

Now.. where shall I begin?

This past month~ can be put into one word~ DRAMA!! I mean after "what happened" I thought I won't come across any of "that" anymore (except for going emo "sometimes" =.=") well I forgot how it feels like to not have walls, soooo I think that was pretty much the cause *yish darghm it fatin~! =.="

I mean I'd already gotten use to the fact that "we" arent together anymore, then comes macammacam obstacles I have to go through without him x/ the person whom which I always go to when I'm down & all that.. *sigh times like these, he unintentionally pops up in my mind.. yeaaaaaaa i knoooooow =.=" I won't say what's been going on, but it has something to do with my close friends. People I care of very much, it hurts to see them hurt ynoe.. in a way it was probably my fault, totally unexpected, never meant to hurt anyone..

But even if I admit that if I was still "in a relationship" this wouldn't happened to you guys, I've gone through more or less the same situation, problems come & go then come back? dejavu? I mean it's only a matter of time.. when will it stop, the only way is to change, then again don't you just hate it if someone doesn't love or accept you for who you are?? better to be let go of then to be someone you're not. If you do wanna change, change for the bettter, it's easier to do that when you're not attached to someone, there'll always be boundaries no matter how much the other half of yours understand, you can just feel it without them saying anything nor complain. Especially if we're at the age we're in, young and curious, change inevitable~~

Wow look at that?? I'm giving advice 8) like anyone would read this =.=" been hanging out with Midi too much xPP

Anyways~ my day today~ well like every other break up it's hard to forget about that someone kaaaaaaaaaan I try my best to not think about that or him, but it's like, he's everywhere x/ I do try, it's hard... I mean the dreams I have at night.. It's like his way of checking up on me? *siiiighhh but last night was a bit different, in a 3rd person's view or like watching tv?? O.o Yeaaa I saw.. that he was happy.. with another girl.. wooooooow hit me haaaaaaaard >.<" it wasn't clear, but the point was.. he's happy.. x)

Then there was during class, most of my work revolves around calculations riiight so there I was writing in short for "minimum acceleration", lets just say that if it was "maximum acceleration" I'd write "a max", get the picture?? hmm yeaaa x/

Then I had lunch, it's been a looong time I haven't went out with my computing mates from MD. Ina actually planned this like months ago? hahaha busy woman that girl xP sooo we brought our dear ol' friend Mahie~~ Hafiz couldn't come. So it was just us, two girls and a guy xP And and and it was Mahie's treat xD The thing is it was sushi.. I always wanted to have sushi with "him" before before and coincidently it was the 14th like of all days?? Well it was Ina's and Mahie's only free time for me, atu pun they had to go early cause they've got class at 2pm, if not we could've went for a movie xPP owwh buut.. that would make my day like the ultimate 14th without "him" x/ nyeaaah.. =.="

We spent the whole time gossiping hahaha with Ina you guys pretty much understand right? but Mahie?? yeaaaaaap hahha good ol' times (Y) Sending me back to uni, we sang along to *Nsync's "it's gonna be me~" yeaaa it just hit me the lyrics were yeaaaaaa O.o" SING IT!! Every lil' thing I do~ Never seem enough for you~ Then finally~ you can't deny~ it's gonna be me ;))

Hung out with a few friends in the ICTC, one of them a new friend I made earlier this semester. Found out~ his birthday was around "his" too, sikiiit lgi sama x/ *sighh

Then my mom picked me up. Earlier this morning after my first class, my dad text me about a laptop we were looking for, he found the place which we had a hard time finding the day before, he was soo excited he ended the text with a "hehe", MY DAD TEXTED "HEHE" it's not awkward, but weiiiiird O.o" but cute at the same time xP he never does that like wooow hahah So~ me and me momma went there, and surveyed the laptop. FYI I think this is my gift for my upcoming brithday xP After drive testing and comparing the choices of laptops, I came to a decision we immediatedly deposited it. Since there was only one unit left for that model and and we didn't plan to buy a laptop on the spot, I did say to myself I'd buy a laptop on the 14th for a nice memory to remember (i knowwwww =.=") Totally unexpected.. I did surveyed a laptop last 14th and looked so hard so that i coud buy it on the 14th, no matter how hard I try couldn't find the right one. And there I was, found the right laptop, right spec, within the price range, after depositing it with a cheek-to-cheek smile on my face, I just realize it was the 14th. Like I didn't even have to try that hard, like last month. hmmmm x/

On the way home~ like usual if my mom was the one who's driving me, she taaalks and taaaalks~ stories like macammacam about work, then slowly~ lectures =.=" not that I'm complaining, she just love ending her stories with the moral O.o" then melarat laa macam biasa.. but the thing that was SO unexpected.. she had to talk about "him" x/ Like now she admits she adores "him", praises that I never knew she actually thought about him.. like after what happened between us two?? I was soo glad she cleared the air about a few things in the past related to "him". I was about to think she dislikes him, but it was just the total opposite, only because of "something" that was in the way, if there weren't that something, i think she'll give the greenlight about the idea of me and "him" being together, not that it's happening anytime soon or ever.. *sigghh mama... why now? x'(

I miss "him", I really do.. I know "he" does too.. But I don't think it'll work out for the time being.. things gotta change.. if it's fate, we both won't be far from each other x) and in that time, the change in us will make us more stronger..

Not that I'm hoping, no expectations, I've learned to not run after, but to just go with the flow~ chill 8)

In the end, I'm glad how I spent my 14th this month.. bitter sweet ;') Wherever you are, you be good, and take care AM x)

I close my eyes and try to see

See you right in front of me

As if youre only in my dreams

But you are everywhere and in between

Youre the moonlight in the dark of my night

And you shine bright so I can see

-FA-

fie. It turns out freedom means nothing but missing you.

It's been a while since my last post, this time it's going to be very different..

I've been fooling myself these past few months.. things have changed..

You've tried the best you could, but because of the matter of the situation.. we were left with no choice.. we had to..

You did it for me, you did it for us..

Family comes first, second career/education, then whatever else. This is very important to me, knowing that you made his choice like the priorities I have I pretty much understand.. What more knowing your situation, you have a hard time then anyone I know..

For your sake, I agreed to the decision. It's heartbreaking we had to go our seperate ways.. I'll never forget you.. nor the times we had and the things I've learned being with you.. I won't say goodbye to you, but a farewell. And a hello to our new chapter life..

You'll always be a huge part of me

It's been a month since then, the first few weeks was hard, it hurt with every breath I took, going to bed latest at 3am. As dramatic as it sounds, it's true. I never thought this like this could happen to me other than the people in movies. I kept myself busy with the uni life, clubs/activities, you name it, I needed the distraction. Thanks to my friends and family, I was able to bear the pain. I didn't tell anyone except for a handful of people I'm close to, 'cause it was too painful to express, but now I'm typing it out here. For one month I've been acting around our friends and the poeple we know like we're still together, this was 'cause I couldn't handle it, but now I'm ready. I applogize to my friends who I didn't tell, most of you know him, so it was very hard for me, I hope you guys understand.

For the record, he's a great guy. He may say he's jerk for the way he'd treated me, he never was.. He was wonderful, it just that.. well.. timing?

If your wondering, I'm handling things pretty well here now, it'll be hard to get use to, I hope you're well there too..

I've prayed so hard that I hope made the right decision, now I lay my trust on Allah. I pray for you happiness along side your loved ones.. Be well, and may Allah bless you.. *aminn*

If we were to meet in the future, I hope to see that smile on your face, I admit I do miss you, but life has to move on, baby steps.. we come back to being friends, I don't know if we'll become as close as we did when we were bestfriends before, don't worry I'm not hoping, less expectation aye? but who knows? Only Allah.. Take good care of your family, yes? Best of luck in everything you do.. I wish you the best x)

I love you, AM ♥

Thank you for everything..

♪ If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we both just moved one

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride

and bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong ♪

-FA-

Hey Hey Heyyyyyy!

Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatuh.

After how many years.... I'm finally 'typing'. I owe an apology to the other owner of this blog :( soo sorry i couldn't find the right/free time to blog. Well maybe i had some free time but yeahh sometimes we do get malas for no reasons kan tin ;) hehehe sorry wah to make you feel demotivated to blog =/ =p

Anywaysss yeahhhh im in UK now.. Time flies~ Feels only yesterday when i was enjoying my 6 Form life! Now that im in University, all grown up, mature *cough, that i realise life CAN be tough. But im very lucky to have my aunty here to help me go through the 'alien' life here. It makes me less homesick as im being taken care of. For this i have to thank my mom as it was she who decided for me to go to Loughborough (surely mothers knows best!) A very peaceful town, fresh air(compared to other parts of the UK) good circles of friends, less temptations to shop(due to no large shopping malls:p) and last but not least, here is where i started to know more about Islam, Alhamdullilah :D

Boarding House(eventho a royal's prison) actually helped! After 2 years of hardship and suffering (seh:p) it all paid off! The 2 years were like years of practise, practising the feeling of 'away from home' and how its like to tolerate with housemates. Like dad always said 'Bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian' hehehe =p All these journey were planned by Allah and im VERY thankful to have led this life. So whatever life you have right now, be it the life that you want or do not want, just be thankful and have no regrets. You won't know what will happen next ;) insyaAllah, with constant prayers and du'a itll be fine :) - Just a motivation for the readers and myself :)

O-oo my mood to watch korean drama has reached its peak! Gotta say byebye now :(

*mimicking a reporters voice*
This is Izzati Hamdani reporting from Loughborough Leicestershire, UK, Friday 11/02/11 12.00 am. Till we meet again, Assalamualaikumwarahmatullahiwabarakatuh :)

HAHAHAHA! :p