New journey

I've just embarked on a new journey, with Soonit.

I felt a little paranoid before I left Cardiff, my childhood phobia dream. The scary recurring sound of tension that I hear. I could still hear it. It was really disarming. Made me feel really impaired and disabled. It was as if I could not do anything. But I tried to ignore it and move on with what I needed to do.

This new chapter would be my new resolution.

The Wall

THE WALL

When you know that there is plan for you. You are just so sure that you live on this earth for a reason. Somehow, deep within you, right from the depths of your gut, you know that you belong. You know that you fit in to something great. A greater plan that has put you here, on this earth. To give to the earth the gift He has given to you. This would be the best way to appreciate the life that He give you, is to be bold and live according to how He has called you to live, to how He has meant that you should live. However, and unfortunately there is free choice, free-will. It is good in the sense that we are not controlled, bad in the sense that we do not maximize our potential. We choose to be lazy, and in other words we succumb distraction.

These diversions are a hindrance. They cause you to deviate. Diabolically, it can be mere status quo, which make you think you can just climb the obvious. The corporate ladder that is in front of you, the monthly (or weekly) gratification that it promises. Some call this pay day. This is Amon: the obvious that you see, that you feel, that your knowledge of good and evil tells you, that your conscience tell you. It teaches you to climb, blindly. To jump into it due to peer pressure; little do you know that the people around you pushed you into this pool of conformation. You too contributed to pushing someone else, and that same someone pushed another person. And this other person contributed in pushing you.

Break free AND Search within AND see beyond. There is more than meets the eye. Your heart is a whole new universe, its search is a totally epic journey. Understand your deepest talents, express it with your strongest desires, they will piece together to let the world see His magnum opus. They will know, because you will tell that He drew, you. This is how IT IS meant to be.

Ironically, I hit the wall. I come to a dead end. The cork at the bottle neck. The suffocation point of desperation. The point of no return, the only way out is a breakthrough. When an obstacle causes you to come to a halt, the strong will push through, until they bleed through the pores, until they squeeze into the gaps, until they seep into the seams. The weak would just give up. This would never be my case, I would fight back, I know that if I am stopped from it, and He didn't say that I cannot have it, it means that someone else is afraid that I would get to it. I know which side I am on. He knows it too. And I know He will help me. (isn't this called faith?)

I should be on the other side of this wall.

CHAPTER 4 - Liar liar pants on fire

I lied that I am gay, just for fun. I want to see how the conversation goes.

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Google is scary.

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I quit my job already hence the new chapter.

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I wasted enough time already, just for fun, just to relax. Now to serious studying, before I'm tired.

pagenine: I need more structure, I need more discipline.

From the sound of the title, you might already guessed that I'm beating myself up again.

I need a to-do-list. For everyday, so that I can slash them out and feel that I am in control of the day.

I need to review my blog & diary every one month so that I remember.

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I've reviewed the blog and put all the things that I have no done down on Stickies. -) I hope I'll do them soon!

Oh ya, that day YuinnYuh's wedding, I was talking to KimUncle, he told me about his church youth helping out at BatuPadang. I think I should join and do more significant things in my life.

pageeight: Things that I (ideally) need

I really need this list to REMEMBER.

1) A chauffeur that can fetch people or me from Singapore to KL. Long term cheaper than Bus or Plane.
2) A car for my chauffeur to drive.
3) 100k or more to park around for interest rates.
4) A 3 storey shop at a good location.
5) A PA.
6) 2 iphones (or more); one for my PA one for me.

pageseven: duh it affects me.

God says that a wise man will not share his emotions and a fool would blabber everything.

So I shall vent, to make myself feel better, but speak in codes.

LOL. I feel that you should prepare it way in advance. 5 years before I get into univ. Not last minute now. I don't want to be last minute like you EVER. And then hope for silver linings, when you're desperate.

Thank goodness I'm far away. That I don't see you and build up unnecessary hatred.

pagesix: what has transpire last week

Last week was the getting people week. Last Sat Jiny's birthday. Last Sunday went to lunch with Mich and WJ spoke about plans. Sunday night Kelly. Monday spoke to Jon and Mahen. Then the whole of last week doing all the necessary arrangements.

I slept at the average of 2a.m. everyday. Mon doing assignment (I think I slept at 4). Tues I spoke to Tee online. Wed I slept. Thurs spoke to MJ online. Or something like that, maybe that explains why I so psychologically drained.

I hope my battery lifespan does not degenerate like my poddie, which can last for 1hr or so. I need a second ipod soon. One that I can organise my podcasts as well.

P.S. M today; M friday night. I hate throwing things away. Especially those things that can be recycled.