Dear Blog,

I'm feeling so depressed right now. I'm all alone at home, and i started walking down memory lane again today. I guess being alone sure makes you think of stuffs, sometimes you try to make yourself not think of them, but you end up reaching for a Kleenex and blowing your nose out. I haven't been like this for a long time. It happened once or twice after Grandma passed away. And then Grandpa passed away, i did it a few times.

Crying my eyes out. of course, when no one is watching. I do not want them to misunderstand anything or even worry about me. I guess i've given my family quite a lot of worries already, what with my health problems and such. I don't want them to worry about my sadness due to missing of my grandparents. I know i need to walk out of this, but i cannot. The scenes of my grandparents in that bed, on that sofa, talking to me, random chats, eating snacks with me, every corner of the house, every single second, the bonds with them transpired from that moment I stared at that empty bed.

I suddenly thought of Grandpa, before i flew off to taiwan for grad trip. That earnest look in his eyes as he wiped away his tears and told me he'd miss me when i'm away in Taiwan. I wonder if my departure for grad trip was an acceleration to the rocketing down of his condition. Maybe i was the trigger to him deteriorating, i don't know, and i'll never know because he is gone.

Which is why i am so torn now. I never told anyone, but i felt like it is my fault that he passed away. Maybe i'd blown that thought out of proportion, i don't know, and maybe i'm exaggerating my own impression on Grandpa, but i know he loved me alot.


I guess I shouldn't stay at home too much. All these.. is giving me a very bad migraine. I hope that muscle relaxants are not going to be the ones i reach out for after these Kleenex.


I'll come back stronger.

Hey blog,
it has been quite a long- no wait, it hasn't.

I am currently jobless right now, as school attachment has not yet began. I did look for a temporary job as a sandwich artiste at Subway, however, i was persuaded not to work anymore during this short period due to several reasons. First of which, my sister did mention that this will definitely be my last self-declared break before i start working for good, so i have to really cherish it and spend it doing whatever i want, and Whatever, of course, includes eating, sleeping and pigging. Secondly, I'm currently sick again. Down with one of the worst sorethroat ever! My voice has changed tremendously- call me, and you'll find yourself in for a good laugh. Also, the jaw problem is back.. Sighs. I was really feeling super down about it because i thought i kinda shook this off like quite some months back. I contacted Huiyi, whom I remember is studying dentistry and tried to ask her for some help. It was the best thing I have ever done with respect to this JAW ISSUE. Apparently, she has TMJ disorder too! I know I'm not supposed to be feeling happy about her being in this sad plight, but, honestly, i feel relieved, because I have always thought that I'm the only one suffering from this issue! So when i heard that she's coping with the same thing, I feel less of a freak. She also told me that she's had this for quite some time already, like probably at least 4-5 years and it is not affecting her life! I hope that with some medical help, I'd be able to be like her too (:


Okay, I have been ranting non-stop. I didnt go for Zumba last tuesday ( NOPE, IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS LAZY PLS). The instructor's down with the usual cold, sorethroat and fever. So class was cancelled. It was a little disappointing, because i was totally looking forward to it, although i was struggling with a rather bad-tempered period.


I wanna try to keep running, and running and running. Running has become one of Eileen's achievements. The fact is that I've always been quite weak, and i never thought i can actually run 2.4km, dont even get me started on how i used to run my 2.4km. I have to always tell myself that if i do not run fast enough, terrible things will chase after me and i'd never be able to reach for the good things ahead (LOL, IKR)

Right now, i can run one entire round around the reservoir, yes, it is no big deal, yes, many people can do it. But it is an awfully tremendous amount of deal to me, because now, EILEEN CAN DO IT.

Wheeeee (:


I'm starting to feel a little drowsy once again- the medicine seems to be kicking it's effects in. Nonetheless, I'm really glad i asked my friend about the TMJ thing today. It always feels better to know that you're not alone. Worrying about things alone is fearsome, because it is endless. However, when you share those worries, you can get quite a number of favourable situations. For one, you may be corrected of the wrong things you're worrying about hence decreasing your worries. Another will be that you know, share the happiness and you double it, but share your worries? You definitely half it !


Okay, i shall go off now.
This post seems to be in a rather perky and less emotional mood, teehee.

FIGHTING EILEEN, FIGHT!~~

Good day blog,

Just a piece of good news; I HAVE GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY! YAYYYY! *THROWS CONFETTI* *CLAPS* *DRINK UP*

My parents and sister were unable to attend the convocation, well, because my brother was enlisting into NS. That is okay, i am gonna count my blessings. I have people, my boyfriend, my best guy friend Yihao, and my JC clique as well as Joan who are able to come down and share this joyous occasion with me! Wheee, also, not forgetting, to the people who have strived so hard together with me, shoulders to shoulders, thank you all for graduating together with me. Love you guys so much. So thankful for the friendships i have forged in SBS after i dropped out of BMS. I was an outcast, and i was so afraid, because i haven't got anyone i could turn to for help with school work. I'm glad i mustered up courage to talk to the people on the same table as me during Behavioural class. Because of that, I managed to make friends with the people who form probably the best part of my University education. Thank you all.


During the convocation ceremony, when the valedictorian said " Please rise, turn around, and clap for your parents."

Honestly, i was kind of sad, because amongst all of the beaming faces of parents looking at their children, i didn't have anyone there except Keith. But I clapped as hard as i could, because without these parents, i would never have met the people i have met in Uni. So thank you, all my friends' parents, for your endless support and love which gave your children wings to be where they are today.

Not forgetting my own parents as well. You guys couldn't be there, but thank you for everything that you guys did to put me right when i was wrong, and to egg me on when i was making probably one of the most burdensome decision of me life.

Also, i thought i saw Grandpa and Grandma's faces amongst everyone else. I know you guys have seen me graduate even though you two aren't here anymore. I can cry over this a million times over the fact that you guys couldn't attend, but i hope you all are proud of me. I love you both, you two are the biggest motivators, the ones who bring so much joy to me and everyone else at home.

The house is really quiet without you guys now, every corner of the house, every inch of your bed, the sofa you guys often sat on.. the list goes on.


I'll be really brave and muster up all courage to embark on the next stage of my life.

I can do it.


Once again, con(grad)ulations to all who have graduated, the class of 2014!


HUAT AH!