Hey there. I presume this blog is kinda dead already. come to think of it, this blog has been with me since, i dont know when, probably when i was in secondary school? Hmmmm, i see i havent blogged anything about my summer in South Korea. Thats one of the greatest highlight of my life, i would say. On another note, i feel pretty free to type anything here i want, anything i feel, because i know this blog probably does not receive any sort of attention or whatnot, and i feel safe to pen down what is actually on this little but crowded mind of mine.

So yeah, from June 24-July 31, i was residing in south korea. Well, i went there for an exchange i would say. I felt really happy there, but dont judge me, it really isnt about the KPOP or the really huge commercialization seoul offers. It just feels really serene, being in a totally new place i have never been, being foreign to whatever is there, the places, the buses, the school, the food, and of course, the language. I don't know much about Korean language, but being there taught me to understand a little, such as greetings, food names (of course the food names, how much of a glutton i am, im sure you'd have figured out by now) It really was a whole new thing, independence on a whole new level. For someone like me, who depends a lot on Keith and my family, doing everything by myself was difficult. I learnt how to do my own laundry, it really was the first time in my life operating the washing machine on my own, and it was also the first time in my life, that i knew, a dryer actually existed. So, yeah, many first times, many new things. I probably would not have been able to finish describing how extraordinary and intriguing the entire process had been. I really am touched by all the hospitable people i have met, for all their help in guiding me to the nearest subway, to my dormitory, and to the student centre in the school. Also, for the friends that i have met from all over the world, thank you for forming those happy memories with me. I did not regret going on this, even though, initially i had a lot of , hmm, yeah, i had a lot of doubts before i went on the trip.

For one, i know i'm overly attached to my family, my boyfriend, so i thought and felt that i'd never make it on my own there, which made me feel really proud of myself, because i did it. I managed to do things by myself, i felt like ive grown up a little. Also, i feel there are my friends who went with me, who lived with me, jogged with me around the Seoul National U stadium against the blistering cold at night, who climbed mountains with me, shared all the different types of foods with me, and just, explored with me. I believed it really isnt about exploring the place too, in the end, i felt i did have a self exploring activity all the time i was there, and i learnt more about my own strengths and weaknesses.

Secondly, i had quite a number of issues, with my health i sposed. well, i discovered a lump in my right breast around april, and since then, i felt like i have changed. I became a different me. honestly, i still have not walked out of this, and i hope i will continue to be able to walk out of this soon. Well, after realizing that there was a lump in me, coupled with the fact that i am, this really inquisitive person, also with the close contact with biology and cancer everyday of my life when in school, i cant help but liberate that hypochondriac me. I started becoming really worried and paranoid about my health, every little pain in the body, i felt was a precursor to some deadly disease i was about to find out.

I was crazy.

I went to a few doctors, and i came to find out that it is because i am so overly concerned about my health that i began to develop the issue of anxiety. Basically, yes, i have anxiety issues. And the doctors did warn me that if it becomes any worse, i could fall into the hole of depression. So being the worrywart i have always been, i had so many of these fears. Fear of the health, fear of depression. It's like everything related and unrelated to me, becomes my worries.

It went so far,  to the extent that sometimes, i would wake up in the middle of the night and check if my family members were breathing while sleeping. I was this piece of mentally unstable person.


brb blog another day ! ciao ciao