I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, dropping the course and all. Professor say there's no reason for me to drop. It's not like I'm doing it badly anyway. But then again, it's not what I wanna do right. I feel so exhausted thinking about these. I wish I have a clue, wish I have an answer. Wish I can ask you about it, wish you'll pick up my call...




I don't know if I should turn up tomorrow outside professor's office. He says come to me when you're ready to drop. So, I guess ill go to him tomorrow. I'm so afraid I'm gonna make the wrong decision again it's so scary I don't know if I'm doing it right.


My health is not so good again. My period this month was horrendous you have no idea I couldn't even walk! It was so bad I didn't even reject Chinese medicine this time, I was so desperate to get medical attention lest this continues again and again.

I wish I have answers to so many things in the world, or rather I wish I know nothing, oxymoronic whatever you call it, but it's being happy that counts anyway, right?

Have to have the patience to put up with things you don't like to eventually have time for the things you like.

You know?
I wish to just pick up a passport and then fly off somewhere, I don't mind no where, anywhere, but here.

I feel like a failure. Cheeluzhi says even if you don't trust Keith you still gotta trust yourself. You're good enough. But no, it's not that I don't trust you. It's more of, my own stupid insecurities. Yeah maybe Luzhi is right, I don't trust myself that's why this happens.

I'm just not good enough.

You know, I am really gonna drop the tcm thing I'm so worn out always I can't take it I think ill die if I continue this. Right now I'm on my way to school and I feel so horrible I just wanna run to you and make you hold me till the hurt is gone. I can't do this anymore I feel so drained....


Help me help myself. I'm slowly giving up on the belief that I can be good enough anymore. I'm just some stupid plain ol.

It's the time of the month again but I doubt it's why I'm feeling like that. Ie been feeling like that since a long time ago.

I still love your bedtime stories. Even though I can never make it through a page, I love you.

My finals for acupuncture ended. I studied so hard for it even whilst I was sick! I wanted to study hard to make up for how badly I did my midterms and I must say I think the paper was fairly towards the manageable side. You know Everytime when you study for your exams and you say; ah after exams I wanna do this do that but actually after exam you just wanna turn on the aircon, grab your bunny and snuggle for the whole day being lazyyyyyyy

I am close to finishing tuition for the girl. She's really quite nice it's a pity time with her is short but I do hope she can do well for her finals because I really like her and because I want to see her do well :)

And after the exams I just wanna snuggle next to Keith watching movies we have watched before haha those comedy and all those ridiculous Stephen chow movies haha

And felt so touched because Keith came over and folded incense paper for my aunt. It's so fast, time flies.
I know I've said the same thing in the previous post but yeah, it's the 49th day tomorrow.

Aunt I'm studying hard but ill take care of my health okay. And ill be having my 21st party too. I wish you could be there.

No matter you'll be in my heart, the closest you can get to being next to me :')


And I love you wandervogel ! :)