The Brinjal's

Sunday, July 29, 2012 12:09 PM
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name

I think.

Think is so powerful.
E.g. I am hungry
I think I'm hungry.

Which one is hungrier?
Definitely the former.

Sigh. I don't mind. I don't care, right, afterall, it's now that matters.

..

......

So why can't I sleep?
It's not like I just knew about it today.
Maybe it's because I just knew that the latter wasn't used before, it was the former that was used on someone other than me. Maybe that's why. But why does it matter? It shouldn't.

It's the now that matters, Eileen you stupid fool.

Thoughts are powerful.
Everything starts off with I think, right? Its good enough to have the thought, isn't it? It is, isn't it?

Why am I so unsure, so stupid.

I think therefore I am.
It is thought therefore it is?

Damn. Go sleep idiot.

Sleep. 睡觉.
I wish it didn't matter. I wish I didn't think it matters.

Okay I think it doesn't matter and I think it doesn't affect me.

So it doesn't matter and it doesn't affect me now.

I shall go to sleep. It's 330am in the morning and I've got lab after this. I should really catch some sleep. Nights.

And it's the now that matters. It is. I want it to be.

Friday, July 20, 2012 8:35 AM
I know better, cuz you said forever

I still remember this photo. It was during osle trip to china. It was an accidental shot taken by nicholas, and he had commented on how sad my natural face looks.

It's no longer common to hear that anymore. I know i look like i've had a whole damn unlucky life whenever i don't smile, which is why i smile and laugh and all most times. Times when i laugh were enjoyable, and when i smiled, it had became a natural action, that it no longer seemed difficult to perform.

But smiles and laughter ought to be real.

I did a whole load of fakes today. I didnt wanna smile and greet mom and dad happily today. Not because i was mad at them or what, i was just really tired. No, it is not because we no longer have a maid and that i've become so pampered that i no longer know how to carry out household chores. It's just that i really ain't feeling very fantastic of late, my blocked nose is creating so much pressure on my face it'd been giving me a real headache, and i feel so drowsy at most times. I even fell asleep during the break today on one of those classroom tables during my job as a Balut game coach, and i did have tons of bad dreams not worth mentioning.

It's just, my parents never think i'll be tired. Just because i don't say it doesnt mean i aint tired at all. I just think that they are trying hard at their own jobs, and that they must have been tired as well, so i see no point in telling them how tired i am. Yet, they throw the chores at me, Mop, sweep, wash brother's cup, and my grandparents too, giving me tons of errands to run- buy coffee afterwhich the coffee was unwanted, buy food, measure the heart rate, throw this, cook that omg.

I really suck at household chores, i know i do, but i am not afraid to learn, it is not late to know now, but it's just, just because im willing to learn and do it doesnt give anyone any right to forget that i can be tired too.

Just today, im gonna rant, and keep ranting. I wanted to tell silly boy, but he's got a lot on his hands with his brothers, and i dont wanna add on to his burden. And if i tell him, knowing him, he'll probably try to come down to my house and try to help me with the chores. Just because that's the kind of person Keith is. <3

The bad cold is giving me a real headache, but im too scared to sleep. I've had a handful of bad dreams of late, it's getting incredulously annoying. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with a jolt, thinking i'm soaked in some pond when i see myself struggling in bed. It seems i sleep better when Keith is by my side.

I'm sorry for sounding like a lazy kid trying to skip out of chores, but i aint gonna let one whole day of sombre tiredness and lethargy determine the lack of happiness in my entire life. I'm a happy girl, im just tired at the same time.

Fat hope and Skinny love.

Eileen and Keith.

I'll keep hanging in there because you'll save me, i know you will.

Thursday, July 19, 2012 10:45 PM
I am a pig I am three years old this year

Keith say must always maintain this smiling face okay?

Okay :)

Sunday, July 8, 2012 1:54 AM
I'm so scared to turn and face myself

I'm so tired. So tired of being pushed around. So tired of being taken for granted. I'm so tired already.

I really just want to rest.
Thanks for your shoulder, your hugs, your endearing words, and most of all, your love.

I will be stronger than yesterday