I have a whole load of things on my mind right now, i don't even know how to begin. you know those feelings, when you just have so much on your mind, that it someone merge into one entire ball of confusion, and you cannot find words to describe your state of mind.

I can't believe i don't know what to do. I mean, is it because i can't bear to do it, or because i don;t want to do it, or simply because, i don't find a need to do what i'm supposed to do. I wish i know, but i probably won't be able to deal with the aftermath of my own actions.

I feel like such an imperfect soul. I'm simply a plain jane, maybe even less than that. There are so many fishes in the sea, so beautiful and all, i can't imagine why anyone will like a simple little guppy. I feel like a guppy.

Is it some inferiority complex in me, because i've never felt good enough for anyone, it's not like i hate myself, i'm not Emo or what. I like me, but i wonder why others will like me, when they can find someone better to like, you know?

I wish i have more courage, more strength, to find out what i really want in my life, to be someone i really wanna be. We pass by millions of people each day, we don't even remember their faces, yet, beneath all these faces, each has their own stories, their own set of problems to share. We should just stop judging, right, because we each have our own problems, beneath these nonchalent faces uh huh.

Everybody will die. Death itself, is not scary. It's the thought of living behind all that you desire, that kills you. We better start cherishing now, love each day, love yourself, and be happy.

Who knows, i might not be here tomorrow.

night (:

Labels: Thought you felt it too

Hey. It's been a month plus since i last posted. it's not like nothing's been happening, it's just that im simply too lazy to blog. i cant believe i'll actually neglect my blog, but then again, i seem to lose the drive that kept me blogging since a few months ago.

And yeah, it's quite cowardly, but i just wanna admit that i come to blog only when i have very depressing stuffs in my head, which i cant tell anyone in my family and stuffs like that, you know.

Anyway, i received both letters from NTU and NUS, offering biomed and tcm, and FASS respectively. i dont really know which one i wanna choose, but i think im slowly beginning to want to accept biomed and tcm, since it was my initial choice, and which i kinda freaked out after applying because i suddenly remembered that my chinese is a flop. ):

Plus, this will be the one and only time, when i have no friends, who will wanna take the same course as me. In secondary school, i have the rasina gang with me, and when i applied for nyjc, i have haniffa with me. now, it's like this damn alone feeling, and any moment you feel lost, you just die in that forest of confusion. sucks mega time.

I wanna keep working right now, so that i don;t have to reply much on my parents for university fees and stuffs. i must jiayou okay!

go go go!

Kinda sian recently. All the guys are booked in. i wish i can book in too.
it seems fun, right.

okay, gottta go and prepare for work now,

Ciaossu.

Labels: i could really use a wish right now