Labels: YOU CAN

i miss you.

I'm utterly devastated after watching the latest naruto episode. It made me cry pools of tears. I just felt so touched. There're only a couple of episodes in naruto that make me really wanna cry. there's one about kakashi and obito, then there's the passing of jiraiya, and then there's one episode way back with shikamaru and chouji, and now, this episode of itachi with sasuke.

)': i still cant get over it. boohooo.

but watching touching stuffs like these always give me this stirry feeling in my heart, like its somewhat choking me. haha.

anyway, today is christmas, though it isn't of much significance to me.
but, it was a happy family day.

Working tomorrow, i'm kindaaaaaaa looking forward, hehheh.

Bleah!

Labels: So am i.

Merry Christmas.

Yours sincerely,
Eileen Loo Yi Zhen

so where, where will i find you?
so scared, to turn and face myself.
i know you'll hear me loud
above all the sounds of the world.


please, enough.
all the hurtful words, mom and dad, you make me feel like getting further and further away from home. why must you all just keep throwing all these words at me, when all these weren't caused by me. why cant you all just accept that your son's all grown up and rebellious, and why cant you stop, just stop, blaming all those around you.


i dont think i can take this anymore.

i should just, run.

Labels: duihvigushvguiashywae8uifvndbkvcxnvfszldfhsl

hmm, seems like i havent blogged for an ultra long time, could be due to work hmm. Anyway, yup, i've started working, realized i shouldn't just waste my days away thinking of what i wanna do the next day and so on, it tires me out. i'm currently working at the same job i used to work at NTUC fairprice Singpost, except, now, it's at Toa Payoh. Hmm, initially, i didnt wanna go back to the same job, but peiyan, rasina and gavin were rather enthusiastic about it, and since i'm the only one who's worked there before, i agreed to go back there and work. It wasn't that bad a choice.

The good thing is, i get to work with my closest pals, having some people to lean on and open a getaway for you when times at home seems choppy, it really makes me feel a lil better, looking forward to each day at work.

The bad thing? I keep having jolts of memories of when i was at Singpost. I would just pick up some random stuffs off the shelves, and momentarily get lost in my thinking of what the aunties and uncles will say at Singpost. Then there's the memory of Tianseng. Everything seems to come back at me altogether, sometimes i just feel like throwing the list somewhere and run home.

Home is not a safe place at all.
I look forward to working because i get to be away from home.

Sigh, shall not touch on the stupid family matters. Anyway, i think i'm building up some muscles. Been carrying real heavy stuffs! I remember there's an order for 200 evian mineral water bottles, each 1.5 L.

I remember carrying 8 cartons, with 24 bottles in each carton. Heh, jiayou eileen!

Rasina and Peiyan keeps saying that there's a good looking guy who likes me.

Pfffft.


Bye!



theres a mark like mine that sits on your left hand
never had a match before
i can only see it when you wave goodbye
so you should only use your left hand when holding on

think of me when you fall asleep
can promise you will never be lonely
if we can agree that we will make it through eventually
i promise you will never be lonely

I went to visit TS's ah ma yesterday at TS's house. I was so devastated. I remember, two years ago, when i visited her on chinese new year, we talked for so long, and she was always smiling, and she's always bubbly. When i saw her yesterday, my heart sank. She couldnt open her eyes to see me, and she couldnt talk, and for a split second, i was reminded of popo, and tears almost welled up in my eyes. I had to control myself, since it'd be weird to cry in front of his parents, and they'll probably wonder why i'm crying. I want ah ma to get well soon, and i want to talk to her again.

Also, i was kinda, not say angry, it's just a feeling i can't describe. TS didnt tell me that ah ma was hospitalised, because he was worried that it'd affect my a levels. i wish he'd tell me, a levels is nothing. it is frustrating, how he can just think he is so tough and then be tough just because you think it is good for me. i wish you'd share, confide in me. it is unfair, how almost everytime i'll tell you whats on my mind and you wont tell me yours.

its enough, you dont have to be this tough person you think you should be, just rest.


took bus 21 home, and thought about loads of stuffs, i wonder, what you're thinking of when in the bus. anyway, really really tired.

good morning, or afternoon.

Labels: ):

I wanna blog, but i havent really got anything to blog about, i just feel rather fed up with my family.
wonder if this house will ever be a home again.

it doesnt mean that just because im getting older, i dont need a family, i dont need a mom, or whatever the shit.

I need to cool down.

Anyway, i'm really gonna go get a job soon.
Dont wanna keep wasting my life away in front of this computer. Sucks.

Oh, i went for OSLE chalet.
was fine.


bye.

Labels: Diamonds on the hillside

I'm seeing ghosts, I'm seeing lots of rain
The signs of long long days ahead of me
See the sun rise, watch her spread her wings
Across the great divide and to the open plains
Cross the line again

So where, where will I find you?
I'm so scared to turn and face myself
I know you'll hear me loud
Above all the sound of this world


Hello, it's hard to begin to blog, hmm received some news recently that made me feel real sad. Hmm, maybe it's because a big dream just seemed to feel crushed beneath my feet, everything feels really fragmented, i'm just, not okay.

I'll be back on my feet soon, promise. Afterall, it's so insignificant right, since no one seems to wanna hear it. Haha.

Ciao.




I will not look away this time
Take all these cuts, and make them shine
Don’t want to be perfect, just alright...

Labels: i promise you'll never be lonely.

Labels: Happy 5th.

Labels: Eiffel towers and rotten apples.

The trip was a good getaway. I spent much of my time thinking, eating, laughing, being happy. I cant imagine myself doing that, but i did. I stopped worrying, stopped being scared and hiding, i made myself get out of my comfort zone and tried stuffs i never thought i'd do.

I really gotta thank my cousins and siblings, namely gavin, sherralyn, yvonne, eugene, lynn, jody, gina, and of course, i'll never miss out the small, but cute and significant karyn.

Strange enough, while in Thailand, i actually remembered many things that happened during the OSLE china trip- dont ask me why. But this trip is just good, getting out of singapore, just being i somewhere new, a Holiday- new place, new face.

I'll try to blog in details about the trip, but im kinda exhausted. no, not kinda. i'm really burnt out. I'm going off to sleep soon, will blog, soon, kay.

Anyway, today marks the day of the end of 12 years of education for eileen. A levels' over.

Yet, why am i not getting the "whooosh its over" feeling.
Aiyah dont bother deciphering why.
i dont really wanna know either, haha.


Later,

Labels: But im tired of holding this inside my head.