"... i was sure i had crushed his heart"

".... he did that using sheer will , "


:'(

*stifles a sob*

I just watched the latest naruto episode. Oh my god, jiraiya really died ):
i feel damn sad already.
WHY WHY WHY/
Sigh, i have to go and sleep now. i have to wake up in 3 hours time. damn it.


Night.

Labels: but not this one., She lost all her bets

I was gonna start off with, " today is a bad day," then i realised that it really wasnt, except the part of tears, and the part of blood. Other than that, today, the sun was shining real bright, and i felt alright i guess.

You know how simple kids are? I wish i am a kid right now. They cry when they fall down, and they can just say how they feel, and do what they want, you know? They can just bluntly say whatever they want, and insist on having it. I wish i am a kid. so when i fell today, i can go wailing, and someone nice will attend to my wound patiently, and it won't hurt at all.

I wish i can just wail. Because as we get older, we hide our feelings so much sometimes it hurts even though we dont wanna admit it. i can say, ' its okay, im independent, i can do it myself." when in fact i really dont want to. i dont wanna be alone, because when its hurting i wish someone'll stay.

Besides the falling down part, today i witnessed how much my grandmom has aged. She's a little senile now, she doesn't understand what we're saying half the time. Her hands are suddenly trembling, and her eyes are suddenly looking so tired. i feel so scared.

You know, sometimes when someone says the most unexpected things in those times i feel like thrash, i feel so glad i have 'em.

And in these same times, when i feel like i needed someone most, and the person's not there, albeit the disappointment, but i'll be okay soon.

Anyway,

Spotter Bitch says (10:56 PM):
?
its ok
im not mad or anything
Spotter Bitch / says (10:56 PM):
i hope so...
):
i feel damn bad
throwing my anger to you just cuz you're there for me really makes me an ungrateful person.
Spotter Bitch says (10:56 PM):
nah
Spotter Bitch says (10:57 PM):
sometimes thats a person thats there for u should get
haha
Spotter Bitch / says (10:57 PM):
huh?
Spotter Bitch says (10:57 PM):
hmm
Spotter Bitch says (10:58 PM):
u dont understand?
i tink i type wrng
Spotter Bitch / says (10:58 PM):
hmmm?
Spotter Bitch says (10:58 PM):
what im trying to say is
Spotter Bitch / says (10:58 PM):
uh huh
Spotter Bitch says (10:59 PM):
sometimes a person is there for u
so u can vent ur frustrations
Spotter Bitch / says (11:00 PM):
Waa
then that person..
will be very kelian...
Spotter Bitch says (11:00 PM):
haha
he'll understand
thats y his there
Spotter Bitch / says (11:02 PM):
you?
Spotter Bitch says (11:02 PM):
me?
Spotter Bitch / says (11:02 PM):
will you understand?
Spotter Bitch says (11:03 PM):
yap.... most of the time
haha
Spotter Bitch / says (11:03 PM):
Hey yihao.
thank you.
Spotter Bitch says (11:04 PM):
your welcome.
Spotter Bitch / says (11:05 PM):
(:









I mean it.
Thank you, yihao.

Labels: no., You're not sorry

Today was a chemistry day. I tried to do the paper one mock as best as i could, and i managed to pass! (: After that, went with the Spotters people for lunch, and we lost our way in Kallang. It was like walking in a forest of mirrors, we thought we'd be able to got out from this way, yet we ended up walking one huge circle. It was a nice, albeit warm day.

I went to TPJC to study today, i was a tpjc-ian today (:
( P.S. im gonna go back there to study on wednesday! )
Suddenly wish im in there, cuz there're so many familar faces, and seeing jake today simply made me feel so happy. And he's still as patient as ever, so nice. I miss it all. And studying with them makes me feel that, hey, im home.

Hey girls, and jake, you make me feel like im me again.
im eileen loo (:


THANKEY (:

Labels: i wont wanna go anywhere else without you guys

My dad is so cute. my sister and i just taught him english, and he reads with such, i dont know. it is just so nice to hear him read, even when the words are pronounced wrongly, and the sentences are broken.


love you daddy.

Labels: PINK HIGHLIGHTER OF LOVE

Today something made me feel uber mad.
i just had to tell sister.
then i remarked,' i'll channel all my anger to motivation.'
Thanks sista for studying with me at home today, and i really hope grandma had a nice birthday.

and i really think toyboy by mika is nice ( :

happy birthday grandma.
i love you.

Labels: red yellow pink socks.

Today is nanyang junior college J2 graduation ceremony.

It was, memorable, and come to think of it, i never thought i'd enjoy it, but i did. It was heartwarming, the gift exchange, sharing with your friends, last day of everything. It kinda brought a closure you know, to friendships forged and paths crossed. I'll never forget the faces of people who are dear to me, in the school, i hope the feeling's mutual too.

The teachers were uber sweet. The videos were cute, and motivational, and the speeches were interesting. I never thought i'd actually come to accept myself as an NYJC-ian. Two years flew, it really seemed as though yesterday was the orientation once again, and i was lost and all alone with my brown defiant hair, and now, look, so many friends, so much colours, so much warmth and so much love.


Thank you to all those who've in a way or another added colours to my life, the 0802 people, the OSLE peeps, the pugilistic jokers, as well as spotters gang.

I'm happy today.

Closing another chapter of my life again, hope i can close you out too.

And on another note, went to watch 500 days of summer with part of the spotters people. Can you believe i fell asleep?! Oh my god man, the movie is, seriously, i dont know what to say. Boring to me i guess. But then again, the company was relaxing, and everything felt nice afterall.

Thank you man.


So All the best everyone, for future endeavours, and wherever you may be, i'll always believe in you.

Labels: but they are living., the sunflowers may die

Uzumaki naruto and Minato, his dad.
This picture is damn touching.


I cant wait for the next Naruto episode, it's gonna be the climax uh. Pain and Jiraiya!
Sigh, Jiraiya will die soon, yet i dont want him to die, he is far too nice.

Why must the world be such a sad and frightening place uh.

A stupid and foolish kid will mature even if he undergoes Pain.

Why must the world nurture people like this )':

SOBS.

Labels: I HEART JIRAIYA

Hey today was studying in ang mo kio library with Jodi, You yu and Jing han - new friend (: NICE FRIEND. and you yu arhhhh, thank you (: made my day.

shall not say anything terrible about you yu uh!

And i did study too, productive to the max !

Remember our future dates yeah~

Labels: i'll melt the snow

eileen loo yi zhen. says (9:40 PM):
jingchun, before you go

eileen loo yi zhen. says (9:41 PM):
i wanna say something damn serious.

says (9:41 PM):
ok

eileen loo yi zhen. says (9:41 PM):
i love you!

says (9:41 PM):
LOL~
i also have sth to say to u

eileen loo yi zhen. says (9:41 PM):
thank you so much for yesterday
says (9:41 PM):
I LOVE YOU TOO!
haha

eileen loo yi zhen. says (9:41 PM):
yay! thank you (:

says (9:41 PM):
kk... i love sleep more

<3 <3 <3
Guess who! It's Jingchun!
Oh yeah, i mentioned it at the beginning already.
Haha, im glad i have a reliable and dependable bestie with me.
THANK YOU!


Thank you jingchun, really, for hearing me cry over the phone, and comforting me. Thank you thank you (: I'll really be there to listen to you if you need me!


And i studied with Rasina in the library today, when hui ting suddenly turned up. It was uber fun, and uber productive. I love both of you loads. I'll die if i never meet you guys, you know?


byebye.
The videos keith puts on facebook are real scary, i almost choked on my fishballs.
Yup, i ate fishballs and cabbage for dinner! (:

Labels: You're my heaven

A little change of the heart
A little light in the dark
A little hope that you might
find your way up out of here
cause you've been hiding for days, wasted and wasting away
but I got a little hope today you'll face your fears

yeah I know its not easy, I know that its hard
follow the lights to the city

get up and go, take a chance and be strong
or you could spend your whole life holding on
dont look back just go, take a breath, move along
or you could spend your whole life holding on
you could spend your whole life holding on

Believe the tunnel can end, believe your body can mend
yeah I know you can make it through, cause I believe in you
So lets go put up a fight, lets go make everything all right
go on and take a shot, go give it all youve got

oh yeah I know its not easy, I know that its hard
No, its not always pretty

get up and go, take a chance and be strong
or you could spend your whole life holding on
dont look back just go, take a breath, move along
or you could spend your whole life holding on
you could spend your whole life holding on
Dont wanna wake up to the telephone ring
"are you sitting down? I need to tell you something"
enough is enough; you can stop waiting to breathe
and dont wait up for me

dont you spend your whole life holding on
yeah yeah



_____________________________________________________________________________________

Listening to this song can make me feel so sad. i feel like im on the verge of crumbling, not just of A levels. There are some other things, and i always like to believe that emotional turmoil hurts more than anything else.


I like to think of A levels as a boulder that is simply blocking my path. Now i'm just frantically training myself so that i can move this boulder out of my way with much ease. But then again, after i removed the boulder, what next? I'll have routes to choose, where to go, which route to take?

It hurts my mind, to just think of what i wanna do, after this. i dont have any goals, nothing, i'm just drifting my life away i guess. And this really makes me think, i dont wanna remove this boulder actually?

Removing this boulder precedes a choice. The choice is so difficult, it will follow me for the rest of my life. what now eileen, what now?


Take a breath, and then move along.


Mama please get well soon. Worried much already uh.

I'll close my eyes, and hopefully wake up to see myself somewhere far away, away from you, because you dont even care about me, it makes me so sad to even think of you.

Somewhere where there's this swing, beside a tree, and i can just swing myself into the skies.

Labels: i drew a line for you.

Feeling super duper down.
keeep pushing then you'll become stronger.

i wonder what you are doing now.

Grandpapa come home quick, i miss you.

Labels: why do you make me cry.

Beat. will not type anything. sister, the pictures are up here already yeah. remember to thank me.

Labels: Open your eyes.

HELLO THERE!


This year's mooncake festival started out lonely. i was really sad, and kinda disappointed with my family, and i had felt so left out, so alone. i was studying in school with jingchun, luzhi and keith. it was kinda fun, initially, because they were playing tennis, and i was trying to make them stop, and start doing work. so i tried my hardest to catch all their tennis balls. i managed to catch everything, all four of them, thanks to keith and luzhi, who really seemed to enjoy seeing jingchun and i vie for those green balls. i ended up perspiring and all, haha.

then we did chemistry ACJC paper 3. it was tough like nuts. i seriously seriously dislike chemistry, i have no idea why i even take chemistry, it is not even my forte or what, yet i stupidly took it, and now im in this chemically mixed up puddle of trubble. But then Keith was so patient, he taught me so many things, and i felt so happy and i felt so bad for wasting his time. Half the time, he spent his time explaining to me, i felt so so so guilty. Thank you, Keith.

Then Jingchun came back from his another round of tennis, and his spotting. Lol, sometimes i feel uncomfortable when they started talking about girls in front of me, and i feel how awkward it is. But i guess everyone sees me as a guy, so yeah, i guess thats it then. Then we couldnt do any more chemistry, saturated already, and we went to have dinner.

Dinner was somewhere in Yishun. it was memorable, though it was kinda sad that most people couldnt join us, like luzhi, yihao and weijie. we ate at some japanese food court thingy, i ate so much sushi i almost gave birth to an onigiri. Thanks to jingchun, who brought us there, and who also bought more sushi for us. It was so fun, it was such a special yue bing jie. Because it felt so family-ish.

On the way home in the train, i fell asleep. it was so comfortable to sleep. i think i embarrassed Keith, when he woke me up and i opened my eyes and stared blankly at him. i feeel so duper dumb. Then i fell asleeep in the bus again, and i just felt so tired. haha. Yet, when i reached home, the feeling of being left out by your family hung in the air. i crept to the kitchen, charged my phone there, and ate mooncake. Thanks to Keith again, for eating mooncake with me.

I fell asleep feeling happpy.

Yesterday was sunday, and we went to malaysia early, and reached home late. I havent got much to say, except, it seriously was an eye opener. Pictures, but im really lazy to post them now, so later uh.

And today, i learnt, i'll never dare weijie to do anything again, he means it.

Thanks guys (:

I'm going off now, maybe to rest, or do work, but before i go, i'll just wish lisa, a really happy birthday tomorrow! May all dreams and wishes come true (:

Oyasumi.

Labels: if my heart's a house you'd be home.

Labels: Hello Seattle.