you can never imagine how many times i played this video on youtube today. seriously, when life sucks like this, you cant ask for any other, just to have a song to run you completely over, and understand exactly how you're feeling.

Labels: soundtrack of my summer

I slept for 21 hours yesterday, i just kept sleeping. I was running a fever, and i couldnt even wake up to eat. I woke up only at 9plus at night to drag myself up for some pills before retreating back to bed. I dont know why i've been falling ill so often these days, mom's so worried. i am so sorry. i'll take care of myself more. And im better now. Though, yesterday, i had two nightmares, and they're both the same. it really is scary. the nightmares are exactly the same it is the exact same scene in the hospital, the exact same nurses, and the same bed. it is like i'm reliving the same scene where my grandmother died. in the same bed. i can still remember vividly, what i saw. the number of heartbeats per second, from 54 to 15, then to 12, and then to 9. those same numbers. it was really creepy, and i relived it twice yesterday. when we called out to her and she no longer moved, everyone just collapsed in to the floor and cried. i felt so lost. then it came the scene outside the hospital in the carpark, which i had escape to, just to cry. everything was so vivid, even though they're just a same dream. i woke up, and felt myself perspiring all over. i was cold. then i sat on my bed, and my brother brought me my mp3, which i listened to, and then gradually fell asleep again.


i woke up a number of times, and at rather odd times, checking my temperature, and then falling back asleep. i had so many dreams which i couldnt remember, and the only one i remembered was the same nightmare that happened twice. i cannot forget. that exact scene just kept haunting me. and it is weird, how i can dream of the same thing within one night, and how i was frightened by it twice.

i woke up feeling scared, and the entire house was so dark, i still remember, before i fell asleep, i was listening to stay close, don't go, then when i woke up, i was listening to that song. my head still hurts, i tried to do some work, to no avail.

these always make me feel so stupid you know. it is like, all the time i spent sleeping, i can use it to do work. i slept so much, and then i still feel the same drowsy feeling. and when i try to do some work, i couldnt do them. i feel like a utter fiasco. seriously.

try to understand. if you cant, maybe you can just sit by and stay with me, i'll feel better.

i almost wanted to say that i wish the things that happened this year wouldnt happen, but that really, is too naive.
this world do not allow for those who wishes for the impossible.
i've gotta start growing up, and really start to grow stronger against things that make me sad.
till then, i will try my hardest to put up bulwarks against things that make me sad, i'll give myself reality checks now and then, and try to smile along as days past.

it wont be hard if im determined.
everybody's here.

Labels: thank you to those who care.

Labels: dark blue.

Mood today : -
Feelings? : Lethargy.



Seriously sometimes i hate it. but sometimes i think some people make it feel so much better.
Yihao, Keith, Luzhi, Jingchun.
Most of my classmates.


not forgetting the most important.
my dearest mp3.

Labels: i'll wake up alone.

You know, if you have nothing to do, maybe sit next to me, share my bread with me, and just eat them with me, i'll feel happier.

This year has been the worst year of my life with too many unexpected things that keep happening. But no point thinking about them ( yeah right, eileen, like you dont. ) so be brave.

in the sea there is a fish
a fish that has a secret wish. . .

Labels: they have less issues than people.

yesterday was such a nice and fun day, everything is just so, relaxing, no stress, even in the midst of all these, exams. I've got nice bread to eat, nice people with me, and nice bread-candy. and nice things to do.

i felt so happy yesterday!

yes i am willing to exchange a huge sparkling diamond ring for a stingray shop plastic wrapper 60 carat ring (:


HAPPINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


I LOVE. haha

eileeeeeny.

I was clearing my desktop when i came across some photos, my memory fails me so much i cant remember if i've put them up here before, but anyway, i deleted them off the desktop, so im gonna put them here.


Oh, the yihao and Nic sleeping scene, it was really~
Heh nice.


Eh when was this? i dont remember, oh no.




Wei ling since primary school.

Anyway, i like this song- you and me by lifehouse.

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here. . .


A bunch of clouds seem to follow me home today, they're so beautiful, just like cotton candy.
Anyway, they make me feel pretty optimistic about certain things, so i'll jiayou with all i can do.

Jiayou to the morning crew too, the vulgar gang, no wait.

The extremely very vulgar crew.

Labels: Bread bread. more bread.

Recently, my life seems pretty screwed up, and pretty bad. I received news in school that made me wanna break down and cry, but which i did not. It kinda sucks at times when i have to like smile and answer questions as normally as though nothing had happened, it was depressing, but i managed to maintain that facade. i didnt wanna make anyone worry, i dont wanna let people see just how vulnerable i am. It's only when i really cracked that i picked up my bag and ran to the bus stop, and then the bus didnt wanna come, and then i kept feeling so anxious, and then i ran to another bus stop, and the bus didnt wanna come. i was rooted to the ground and i felt so tired.


And after that, i didnt really sleep.

The next day in school, it was like hell. My head hurts like mad, and i had to drag my body through lectures which didnt make any sense to me, i was practically just trying to stay awake. It was futile. But i pressed on, and then school ended, and i slapped my face with water and did some math.

Bread tasted awfully nice, with tea.

Keith lent me a watch, it was helpful! At first i was just staring at the watch intently to spot the hand that he said wasnt working. Then i saw that all 3 had stopped, then after that, all 3 started to move! Then after which the second hand stopped. But it was a nice watch, and helpful too. My dad said its a pretty watch, and yeah i finally have a watch that's so much easier to see and use. Okay, i shall exploit it and use it for the next two days ( Shh )

Then another bad thing happened again, my gastric had to act up, and i tried to eat something, to no avail. it hurts so much, i couldnt do any work, and i dragged myself home to eat the pills and rest. I missed GP and Bio, it was sad, i really didnt wanna go home, i really wanted to stay and study for a bit, but i guess some things just cant be helped.

I slept the entire day through, and woke up so late i ate some rice and went back to sleep again. I'm wasting my days away . . . ):

This year had been pretty bad, my health is stealthily slipping off the slope, my studies aint improving, grandmother had to pass away, and things just keep happening. .

But i won't forget to look on the bright side of my life, i've got nice people with me who cares about me, help me, and i love these people, and there is one i love most exceptionally and thus i will press on uh.


Please continue to care for me and give me support.

Labels: steamed and its paper

Labels: mathematics sugar.

im tired, tired tired tired tired.
i love it, in the mornings, when i sit in the canteen with Luzhi, Yihao, Keith, and Jingchun. And probably some of their other classmates.
They take away most of my sadness, and they always make me laugh.

They make me feel important.

im tired.

okay, goodbye then.
till then, for some reason, today i was just thinking and thinking of a particular someone.

that feeling, really, kinda sucks because it makes you wonder.
whether, that person even knows you are thinking of him.


can you feel it?
im thinking of you.