The Brinjal's

Monday, March 30, 2009 10:54 PM
But i don't know enough,

Free Loop (Live From Studio A) º - Daniel Powter

Free loop- Daniel Powter

I’m a little used to calling outside your name
I won't see you tonight so I can keep from going insane
But i don't know enough, I need some kind of lazy day
Hey yeah

I've been fabulous through to find my tattered name
I'll be stewed tomorrow if I don't leave us both the same
I don't know enough, I need some kind of lazy day
Hey yeah

(chorus)
Cause It's hard for me to lose in my life I've found
Only time will tell and I will figure out
That we can baby, we can do the one night stand
And It's hard for me to lose in my life I've found
Outside your skin, right near the fire
That we can baby we can change and feel alright

I'm a little used to wandering outside the rain
You could leave me tomorrow if it suits you just the same
But I don't know enough, I need sun when it leaves the day
Hey yeah

(repeat chorus)

Labels: hey yeah

8:06 AM

it is when you speak those words that the tears found their way out of the cosy confines of my eyes and rolled down as swiftly as they could as though my face was an ironically happy playground.

it is when you encouraged me that i had felt like a much bigger fiasco.

but it was when you had cared to call and console me, that i found my courage to resist all these setbacks and continue my climb up the never ending hill.

one person can make mistakes that will tumble the entire world, that i agree, but that one person can also make decisions that will find the building blocks to shape my life.

that happens to be you.

7:06 AM
your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

today was an extremely depressing day. And i meant every bit of what i just said. today was the first time ever since JC years that i had cried so hard, with memories of my grandmother flooding my mind, with the realisation that i am a total screwed up fiasco, and with the actual screw-up of my biology paper.

I cheered up after i cried for about close to 2 hours, and after mr chee called me and talked to me for close to one hour. Thanks so much, you probably wont read this anyway, but yeah, the world is round.

Mr chee! Thanks so much. I know if you're still in ny, i'll probably not do so badly in math, and i'll probably have been a happier person. You're the best teacher i've ever encountered in a jc.

(:

i will put my 100% effort in the right place.

Labels: you're silly if you say you are.

Saturday, March 28, 2009 1:01 AM
this is the 439th post,

and i wont say that it is gonna be a nice and sweet post. First of all, before starting anything, i'll love to wish Yihao a happy happy birthday to you! Man dude, you don't have to welcome your birthday by typing such a long ummm, how do i put it, ummm long.. sad post. (:

Anyway, today was napfa, and i did okay, a tad better than previous year, and i did feel happy. Until i sprained my ankle when i was on my way home, and i remembered i havent done my 2.4. This is bad.

Putting that all aside, i have been thinking alot recently, and okay, i admit, i think alot, not just recently. I love to dwell long and hard, think deep about things around me, and you know, try to come up with some answers to the doubts posed by my self-conflictatory mind. To say that i have not reflected upon myself would be to live in self denial, because that is not axiomatic.

I have thought hard about myself, and i have began to see why i am not making it. The one and only reason: it is the laziness in me. I do not have any qualms in studying when it comes to exams, but when it comes to tutorials and assignments, i give up a tad too easily, i refuse to burden myself into what i think i cannot solve, so i choose to give up, and this really just reflects how cowardly i am.

I paused.
Because i am starting to have doubts on what i just typed here all over again.
Damn damn i am so disappointed in myself. The greatest disappointment being the fact that i can never get myself to admit to the fact that i am actually lazy. i am lazy. i am a sloth. i am a couch potato.

this isn't making me feel any better )':

My nose bled on the day before the napfa and it wasnt the first time that this had happened, the first time being just a few weeks ago. My health seems to be deteriorating. I need to take care of myself. I want to rest at times when i am not supposed to. you see, i dont know what or how i should do to juggle all these.

i am tired. very very tired.

I feel like giving up already, but there is just this intrinsic ability in me: i always aim to work harder to compensate the things i cannot do. Though that is really making me very very tired.

yihao, i thought of your cola today. the china cola. i regretted not drinking it.
):

Labels: she lost her soul., somewhere far along this road

Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:22 AM
In its place the dark thunderstorm clouds

hey, i dont feel very well or happy recently. My grades suck despite the arduous mugging. My body seems to be planing a rebel against me because i feel so tired and so lethargic and i dont know how to put it. I just cant seem to drag myself to school. Gastric is also really bad.

Damn i ought to start reflecting what happened along the way, or have i already reflected so much that i cant see the reasons why.

Labels: sad

Friday, March 20, 2009 2:12 AM
lime and vanilla

Hmm, i do hope this will not be another long and boring post, but it seems like it has been weeks or months or maybe years since i really spill out how i feel inside of me. You know what they say about feelings- those itsy bitsy things that eat you inside out, till you're nothing but this hollow shell- this nothingness. Currently, i dont really know how i feel right now, it is like, i feel something that is not weird to me, but it may probably seem a little sudden to feel it right now, after i have been exposed to that fact for like over, dont know how many million times. This can sound really sad, melodramatic or whatever you call it, but that aside, i really really just feel this loss. The inability to move on. It could again, be due to the reminder of this painful loss i had just experienced which i had painstakingly tried to push to the back of my mind but to no avail. Or it could be due to the fact that i suddenly feel directionless, i feel lost, and i feel alone. Sorry for making you guys wallow in this knee length deep puddle of melodramatic trubble with me, but then again, i feel that if i ever try to keep these emotions within me any longer, i may actually crumble like a piece of chocolate cookie. Well, why this feeling of helplessness, and why this feeling of loneliness. These feelings are actually reminders, of a million times, which are not surprising to me, but for some godknowswhat reason, everytime i feel it, i feel a stab of pain; this feeling of lime juice rushing in my veins- this sourness. I'd probably have said this a thousand times, how i actually really wish to revert back to being the Eileen of secondary school days. It is not because i think less last time, it is not because i was a tad more silly, more foolish last time. It is probably because the old me have always always hung on to this belief that things always happen for a good cause. The old me was gullible. The old me was ... naive. Now, i am a complex human being, it is even difficult to decipher how i really feel, me myself, not being able to comprehend these obscured feelings, those subtle emotions that leave me thinking really hard, pondering and contemplating till wee hours. How is that even possible? I have always prided myself on the ability to interpret my own thoughts fairly well, being able to understand myself inside out and execute decisions, do things that had made me feel really satisfied. Yet right this instant, i do not know why i feel lost, alone and how these days seem to pass by with lesser and lesser meaning. It feels as if Armageddon is here. Like i am hopelessly trying to grasp whatever i can before everything goes away. How is it that all these seem to be so pathetic? Right now i am just typing and typing, and i dont even know if any of these make sense to you. I sort of feel that i know what i am saying here, i feel like i know, but then i cant make all these sound coherent to anyone, and you guys probably think i am insane, like i am going bonkers. And how how sad, that suddenly, nothing excites me anymore. These two days were spent on watching Vampire knight, and it felt good because i was really transfixed, i was really into it. Like i had something to look forward to. But now, it is finished, and i just dont know what to do. I hadn't any motivation to do any work, i was conned by this facade, this farce belief of living my life to the fullest while i can, and that hadn't include any studying or doing tutorials. I know it is a fake belief, yet i had refused to let go of it, i clung on to it, because the fear, the thought of my grandmother's death just does not give enough way to make me feel that schooling is not a waste of time. Days pass by monotonously, life has no excitement. There is no spark. And i really wonder, why are these what i am feeling now? Life may be a box of chocolates, and i may never really know what i can get, and i may not know still, even when the end has come, is it?

Where am i going in my life, no no, where Exactly, where, do i wanna go?

Labels: ?????

Thursday, March 19, 2009 4:12 AM
You're one in a million

hey hey you you. I have something to say though, and that is that, umm i wish to see you!
haha, goodbye!

Goofy.

Look at my brother!
Skinhead!

Cute much.

hehheh

Actually, i dont really look like my sister, do i?

ADDICTED TO VAMPIRE KNIGHT- ANIME! ((((:

Labels: Missing you.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 5:59 AM
really really living my life to the fullest

i enjoy life right now, despite the fact that there isnt really anything going on.
I rediscovered my old xanga blog yesterday and i cried and laughed while i read it.

http://xanga.com/limeandvanilla

Promise you wont laugh!

Anyway, my brother shaved all the hair on his head and he is totally bald right now.
He looks so weird.
But he's still my cute brother! (:

And hey, my sister and i got our hair done too, wanted to try something new, but in the end i didnt, i chickened out ):
bleah, goodbye!

Another day!

AND PUGI TRAINING WAS FUN FUN FUN TODAY!
LOVE THE J1s.
A pity i didnt get to see weiliang and kokhan.
Really miss them yeah!

byebye.

Labels: WHEEEES

Tuesday, March 17, 2009 4:53 AM
i will love you forever

In loving memory of my dearest grandmother.

Grandma, i thought of you today, i remembered how i gave you these really yummy honey sweets with a plum in the middle, and how hard it was that you were unable to chew it. I thought of how cute you looked when you wore the hat i bought for you at Yunnan. I thought of how you told me your leg hurt, and how swollen it had looked. And i thought of you, the last time, at the hospital, when you summoned whatever you could to thank me for buying you food and accompanying you at the hospital. I wish i had more time to spend with you, but i know nothing, not remorse, sorrow, or grief could bring you back to me again. I hope you're in a better place, and you're feeling really happy right now, i really hope.

And i hope you're looking down at me from the Heavens, because grandma, i swear i'll strive my hardest to make you proud of me.

I really really miss you.

Labels: Sad.

3:39 AM
Dreams were meant for sleeping, but

Hello hello hello, i havent been blogging for quite sometime, so here is a post full of pictures. I went out with Yuans and Lijia jie to accompany lijia because she wanted to get a new bag and a pair of shoes. I had a very delicious cuppa milkshake at Cafe Gelare! (: Anyway, she managed to buy what she wanted in the end, and both Yuans and i were happy for her! It was such a fun night, and i felt so happy! Thanks girls, for the wonderful night full of jokes and laugther (:

Just wanna say that there's someone pestering me right now, and that is someone who i cannot afford to offend for this person is kinda linked to my daddy, but he is really a fat asshole who disturbs me non stop. I wish i could shut him up.

Okay, i am still feeling pretty happy about yesterday, and today, whereby Lijia and Yuans helped me with complex number, and we managed to finish one tutorial! THANKS GIRLS!

You know, there were actually times when i said things like," I think i wanna die, or i wish i am dead." But today, i realised how much i dont wanna die. I was crossing the road while the red man was on, and i almost got knocked down by a car. I know it served me right, but at that point, i suddenly remembered all those times i wish my life didnt have to be this way, and how i dont like my life, and how i prayed that i wouldnt be knocked down while i ran across the road. I guess it is really at that one crucial moment, when you realised how important you just wanna keep living on. Yeah...

I'll blog another day, kinda tired. . . bye e-residents, later! (:

Im on the top of the world, looking, down on creation and the only explanation i can find, is the life i've found, ever since you've been around, your love puts me at the top of the world! (:

On the spiral stairs, Yuans, Eileen, Lijia.

Fountain Of Wealth.

We're supposed to be loking up, but i wasnt paying attention and i smiled at the camera, haha.

Another shot.

I LOVE THE BACKGROUND!

The green green leaves!

We're pretending to be miserable- this is the infamous Ah Ong's pose.

Inside joke haha.

The fountain was purple, we swear!

Pretttty much haha.

Funny face # 1

Lijia and all her goodies! YAY!

Red slippers, sandals and hand painted loafers.

You know who they belong to respectively!

In the mall.

Hey, goodbye to you

Crazy right!

Hello, i am pereira and i am using my phone cards to call home to complain to my mommy!

Inside joke # 2.

Lijia and her pasta.

Yuans and her pasta! Look how greedy she is! hahaa.

Im gonna knock lijia unconscious with this puma soccer shoe while she is trying on Nike's/

Bleah!

The outcome of shopping,

I love this photo, three scary ghosts!

Mr chee! hihi! The ghosts of him (:

LOVE THIS! (:

BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Labels: hey this is really love.

Saturday, March 14, 2009 8:26 AM
I say, this world, this world could leave us anyday

Suddenly, life is so pretty,
and its when i am simply just playing mahjong with my sister and her friends, when i am only having a cup of root beer, talking to Yuans on msn, benjamin apologising over him forgetting to call, tongpei's message, and watching anime.

wow.

(:

You're an angel, you're an angel.
Took my breath away from my size, wipe the tears away from my eyes.

Labels: And i swear you're the answer

Thursday, March 12, 2009 7:18 AM
If it is just me, will i still have you guys?

Some photos.

i'll always remember.
Credits to Xinyi for the photo.
Edits: Me.

Pugilistic, i will always remember.
Credits: Gavin.
Edits: Eileen.

Credits to Yuanxin.
Edits: me.

Bye.

Labels: I'll fly like paper get high like planes.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 6:31 AM
Life seems sad when we stand on a hill as gray as our hearts

The picture says it all. Yeah i am sad.
I took some time to travel down memory lane today, and it took me a good 30minutes huddled on the stairs outside my house, thinking of my past. The happy past. The times when i had who i love with me, and how i seemed to have lost every single one.

Either to death or to separation, its the same. All is lost.

It is not only my grandmother's death that made me feel that way. I had also been enlightened, on certain issues pertaining to friends. dont ask me why i think so much, i have been pretty solemn in school recently, again, dont ask me why. I have realised who Friends really are. They are not just those people you know, those who pat your shoulders or nod in agreement when you tell them you're sad you know. Actions speak louder than words. It is when i return back to school after days of not coming, that i find myself not being able to continue any form of studies and real friends beside me just lending me notes and promising to help. I know who i am referring to.

It is too stupid to cry now, for i have nothing i can do already. i have remembered those i love, and i will never forget them. In fact, i really miss those days. I dont mind reliving those days of my life again. For i know, i'll love them just the same.

Sighs, i dont know about many things already. Please give a thought to your Frien out there. I dont give a damn if you are making merry when i am sad or down, all i ask is for you to genuinely help you know. Oh my god, i cant put it bluntly across enough. Forget it. i dont know.

And dont say you understand what i feel. In fact, you dont. I guess its all about having your own fun huh.

Then i guess. the world is a cold and lonely place.

Goodnight.

Thoughts, of Rasina, of Joseph, of Berlisa, of peiyan, of tianseng and of mr kenneth chee.

I told mr chee i got an E for math, and you know how sweet he is? He said to me this," You are an A grader already, just work hard and you will make it!" Then i said, " Yea, i will try my best, believe me."

He said these important words which will forever be the driving force and my greatest motivation.

" I say again, i believe you, and i know you are an A grader. Work Hard !"

To hear someone say they believe in me, it is the best and most unconditional comfort and solace anyone can ever give me.

Of all the things and anyone, you believe in me. Thank you (:

Labels: I really really miss you.

Monday, March 9, 2009 7:27 AM
I will be all that you wanted

Been blogging lesser and lesser these days. oh hi.

well, i guess i dont really know of what to blog about. i have something i wanna blog about, but i know it will make the blog seem extremely sad to read.

Today, i fell asleep in GP tutorial, and i woke up to find something written on my GP script.

It was something in chinese, i cant believe myself, and it says, " Grandma, i really miss you, really."

I dont know why it was there, probably because i was in a unstable state of mind.

I really really miss her. At times, i refuse to accept the loss, i keep thinking that she is still here with me and that i'll see her when i go to Ang Mo Kio next time.

I feel really sad and solemn these days and laughing is really rare.
Sometimes i just want to cry.
But the problem is, the world wont let me stay a kid forever, so i gotta grow up.

Grow up now.

Hey, tomorrow is jingchun;s birthday, a really happy birthday to him. May all dreams come true.

Labels: I'll love you forever

Friday, March 6, 2009 1:01 AM
If you could see me now.

Grandma, you give me motivation, i know you are blessing me from the heavens.

I got a B for A levels mother tongue, boy am i proud of myself.
Grandmother, i'll make you proud.
I promise.

On a happier note, congratulations to the Pugi seniors who had done so well in their A levels! there are 7 of them in the honour roll! they inspire me.

I will work hard, promise.

Promises are not meant to be broken, i will be.

And yuanxin, well done for mother tongue and dont get too sad over history, it is just a small fall. You'll get up, i know. Besides, you are not weak, you just need time to register that fact in your head, i get it, i'll be by you.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore.

I am addicted to the song in Slumdog millionaire- Paper planes by M.I.A.
I love that movie, totally worth my every ounce of efforts lifting my eyelids.

Rasina, be strong. A C for Mother Tongue is not the end of the world! I believe you can.

I dont wanna run away anymore, i am here, and i will TRY.

My best.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009 12:09 AM
Just like a falling star

hello my dear blog. I dont know how to control my emotions, i dont know how to make things right at all. Sometimes i feel redundant, like i cant do anything, especially during the funeral when i really wanted to do something for my granny. I really miss her alot. This is something that is different and nobody will understand. You cant just say you used to have someone close to you dying and thats why you can understand. It is not, because that person may be closer, or not even close, or maybe not that close to you. The thing is, my granny is special, everyone is special, and so everything is different.

Initially, seeing her suffer at the hospital, and friends keep telling me that it is best to let her go, and that time i felt that yeah, she could have gone to a better place. But i feel very sad to say i cant register that fact, because when she is gone just like that, and calling out to her does not provoke any action of life, it really breaks my heart.

My heart is shattered. But i cried.

Life is not the same anymore, for once, truly once in my whole life, i really feel like i dont wanna do anything anymore, i just wanna do nothing. I dont know what i can do, as i stared at her photo and told her secretly that i miss her.

BOOO HOOO HOOO.

i dont want any rainbows anymore.

Labels: strong strong strong but never stronger than yesterday

Sunday, March 1, 2009 8:25 PM
Lost

I wanted to blog so badly yesterday, but i couldnt find the words.
I tried my hardest to control my emotions, but i didnt make it.
Before i knew what had happened, tears just gushed out of my eyes.

You know, it is so easy to say things like, prepare for the worst, and i can do it. Those silly words.
I cant, i really cant.

1stMarch2009
My grandmother passed away.
The only thing i could do, was to just kept crying, collapsed into a dreadful heap on the hospital floor and thought of the happy times i had with her, and how i would never ever get to see her smiling to me, how i would never get to see her asking me if i wanted milo, or how i would never see her wear the hat i bought for her at Yunnan. I didn't know what to do, i was lost.

Relatives around me were crying, and my mom cried too, because granny loved her most. I couldnt console her, for i wasn't any better than her. They talked about the funeral proceedings, and i didnt listen.

I went down to the carpark and cried.
Grandmother, why didnt you fight? Why did you leave?

I dont wanna go to school forever.

Labels: I'll always love you.