EILEEN LOO YI ZHEN;
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
6:36 AM
If you miss the train im on, you'll know that im gone.
If you miss the train im on, you'll know that im gone.
Im leaving tomorrow.
These few days, have been a huge damn mixture of feelings.
Happy/Sad/Confused.
Have you heard of Tonight by FM static?
Listen to it if you havent, this is the song i can relate to these few days.
And listen to the song- when im with you by faber drive,
or tongue tied by faber drive.
Listen to them, if you miss me!
These might be the few songs that i'll be playing over and over again the following few weeks.
Goodbye people.
3 weeks more, dear clique, i'll miss you guys.
Dear familiy, you'll be missed.
These few days, have been a huge damn mixture of feelings.
Happy/Sad/Confused.
Have you heard of Tonight by FM static?
Listen to it if you havent, this is the song i can relate to these few days.
And listen to the song- when im with you by faber drive,
or tongue tied by faber drive.
Listen to them, if you miss me!
These might be the few songs that i'll be playing over and over again the following few weeks.
Goodbye people.
3 weeks more, dear clique, i'll miss you guys.
Dear familiy, you'll be missed.
Labels: Take your cradle to your grave
Thursday, November 20, 2008
5:57 AM
a long sad ... story
a long sad ... story
Today i learnt something new. It took me a few seconds to digest this entire new knowledge that i have. Someone told me," when you tell your secrets to others, they cant actually offer you any useful help, and 0n the contrary, you are actually sort of like, burdening them with your secrets."
I didnt know, i always tell people close to me, my feelings, my thoughts. Suddenly, im told that this behavior is what everybody will clearly identify as selfish. Which i realise it is indeed true. So, im making a promise to myself, that i'll never burden anyone with my secrets ever again. I'll keep mum, stay quiet, and crack jokes.
It's like a whole new perspective i got, and to think i, such a deep thinker i carved myself out to be, actually neglected that simple little fact. When Nicholas told me about it, i felt like, oh, man, how come i never ever thought of that?
And i thought of times when i confided in people, and how they are actually carrying a loaf of heavy bread that they cannot digest, nor, belong to them.
And blogging? I dont know either, im currently very confused.
I have the ability to draw
I have the ability to write many many nice poems
I have the linguistic ability of english.
Yet, i lack courage.
I lack the courage to actually admit to myself that i have none of it.
Nil, zilch, zero.
If im quiet, it just means one thing,
Im trying to sort out my thoughts,
Im tired already, i am very clumsy recently. I cut my finer with a pen knife accidentally while trying to help Yizhe cut the trashbags. I think he is really very tired, i hope he gets enough sleep, and so do i hope the same for the rest of the team. Hope he wont feel guilty either for you know, the cut, because he helped me with a plaster just now. Thank you.
And i found myself having bruises on my limbs, so many of them i couldnt remember how i got them ):
I am tired, my back hurts, my neck hurts.
I slept on the sofa yesterday the entire night, i didnt have the energy to walk to the room.
):
Just now, i played basketball with my brother, and it was fun.
I vented my frustrations, i sweat-ed everything out,
and it'd probably be the last basketball before i leave for Yunnan.
Thanks for playing with me.
Goodnight guys, im so tired.
Wow, im so scared of this feeling.
Whats this that im feeling again?
I didnt know, i always tell people close to me, my feelings, my thoughts. Suddenly, im told that this behavior is what everybody will clearly identify as selfish. Which i realise it is indeed true. So, im making a promise to myself, that i'll never burden anyone with my secrets ever again. I'll keep mum, stay quiet, and crack jokes.
It's like a whole new perspective i got, and to think i, such a deep thinker i carved myself out to be, actually neglected that simple little fact. When Nicholas told me about it, i felt like, oh, man, how come i never ever thought of that?
And i thought of times when i confided in people, and how they are actually carrying a loaf of heavy bread that they cannot digest, nor, belong to them.
And blogging? I dont know either, im currently very confused.
I have the ability to draw
I have the ability to write many many nice poems
I have the linguistic ability of english.
Yet, i lack courage.
I lack the courage to actually admit to myself that i have none of it.
Nil, zilch, zero.
If im quiet, it just means one thing,
Im trying to sort out my thoughts,
Im tired already, i am very clumsy recently. I cut my finer with a pen knife accidentally while trying to help Yizhe cut the trashbags. I think he is really very tired, i hope he gets enough sleep, and so do i hope the same for the rest of the team. Hope he wont feel guilty either for you know, the cut, because he helped me with a plaster just now. Thank you.
And i found myself having bruises on my limbs, so many of them i couldnt remember how i got them ):
I am tired, my back hurts, my neck hurts.
I slept on the sofa yesterday the entire night, i didnt have the energy to walk to the room.
):
Just now, i played basketball with my brother, and it was fun.
I vented my frustrations, i sweat-ed everything out,
and it'd probably be the last basketball before i leave for Yunnan.
Thanks for playing with me.
Goodnight guys, im so tired.
Wow, im so scared of this feeling.
Whats this that im feeling again?
Labels: Fever.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
6:56 AM
Confused.
Confused.
Its a perplexed situation, but im pretty sure i'll be able to handle all these. I really hope so, because the last thing i want is to have a freaking breakdown before thetrip even begin. Nah, its not about the workload, that is a slice of cake.
Yet, i dont know whats bothering me.
Im feeling very miserable. Today was cultural meeting with Mr Mark, and i felt like a useless lump of shit just sitting down there and not contributing because i was unable to hear what they were saying over the rowdy crowd, and the intolerable noise levels despite straining my ears. I felt insignificant loads loads. And i know i could have put myself to better use helping Rach and Eunice over in the OSLE room. Pretty shitting feeling.
Plus the fact that i havent had lunch + dinner.
And the fact that i had so little sleep.
Had gastric and it hurt throughout the entire bus ride home.
I thought there'd be food waiting for me when i reach home. Turns out it was pretty much the contrary. Nevermind, i wont starve.
Shit, got to memorise the games instructions in Chinese.
So Screwed.
GG.
What you speak and what you do, why are they so different?
Yet, i dont know whats bothering me.
Im feeling very miserable. Today was cultural meeting with Mr Mark, and i felt like a useless lump of shit just sitting down there and not contributing because i was unable to hear what they were saying over the rowdy crowd, and the intolerable noise levels despite straining my ears. I felt insignificant loads loads. And i know i could have put myself to better use helping Rach and Eunice over in the OSLE room. Pretty shitting feeling.
Plus the fact that i havent had lunch + dinner.
And the fact that i had so little sleep.
Had gastric and it hurt throughout the entire bus ride home.
I thought there'd be food waiting for me when i reach home. Turns out it was pretty much the contrary. Nevermind, i wont starve.
Shit, got to memorise the games instructions in Chinese.
So Screwed.
GG.
What you speak and what you do, why are they so different?
Labels: Damn.
Monday, November 17, 2008
8:26 AM
FAGGOT.
FAGGOT.
Fuck.
If its for ego, please leave me out of it.
Im astounded by the fact that you see me as that in your eyes.
Pure disappointment.
Im definitely more that That.
Fuck.
Labels: Annoyed.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
7:40 AM
I need a little more help than a little bit
I need a little more help than a little bit
Yeah huiting, this is me.
Im out for some inspirtation, and i hope to be able to get back on the road of self discovery as soon as possible. I dont think i'll be able to handle all the shit anymore, im beginning to feel choked.
Goodnight.
I need a little more luck, than a little bit,
Cause everytime I get stuck, the words won't fit.
And everytime that I try to get tongue tied, I need a little good love to get me by.
I need a little more help, than a little bit.
Like the perfect one word no one should get.
Cause everytime that I try to get tongue tied, I need a little good love to me by this time...
Labels: 'Cuz everytime i get stuck, the words wont fit.
Friday, November 14, 2008
6:27 AM
One more smile on your face,
One more smile on your face,
Today, something happened which caused me to doubt myself so much that i felt this despair, and this loneliness within me. I know i have friends, but why do i feel this void?
Today, something happened which caused me to be on this verge of a breakdown, and yet i was held back.
Today, something happened which caused me to want to fall down and hurt myself so that it'd be a trigger to turn the tap on, to start the waterworks, so that i could just cry out all the pent up emotions.
Today, i felt like a complete fiasco who cannot understand myself, not at all.
Today, i found out i couldnt find out anything about me at all, what im doing, why am i here.
Today, is the worst day of my life, so far.
Today, Miss Darrell's public speech hit me real hard.
" If you think this commitment is too much to handle, then i'd ask you to leave the team, because i dont know, why on earth you are here."
Why am i there?
Why did i join OSLE?
All this being asked, i dont have an answer.
After her words, mom was sitting in the lecture theatre. I walked in, really despondent. I dont know what the fuck is up with me, yet i feel so tired to even try to think about it. Mom saw me, and i said, " im going to fetch sister." She smiled, and said, " where's your mp3?"
Music is the best thing for me when im feeling down.
You wont be surprised to see me listening to music every now and then. It's like, music is a really reliable companion. You feel you can relate to it, you feel it is always there, you feel you can always cry along, as the music plays.
I took my mp3, i brought my phone, and i walked out of the lecture theatre, still thinking of why im in the team, and the events that followed.
I do love the things the team has gone through, the many activities, the sharing sessions.
But yet, i do wonder sometimes, where would i be right now had i taken the path not taken that being, what would i, eileen loo, be, if i havent gone for OSLE, what would i be, where would i be, and would i have been a more carefree and less burdened person?
I still have all these going round my mind, and i plugged in, and ran the entire way, from the track, all the way to the bus stop, without stopping, faber drive screaming in my ears. I felt like please just let me fall down now, so that i'd feel like some fucking helpless person who can cry because she fell. I wanted so much to, i felt that i was at the brink of tearing, yet no tears fell, but words, choked in the throat, slipped back down, right down into my guts, and pent themselves there. Emotions, pent up.
Sister and mom came for the meeting, and i was smiling and laughing like a dork. A pathetic douchebag, who actually felt very down at the moment, and in the head, was still thinking of miss d's words.
My head hurts like mad, i have been thinking too much. Im so tired, so drained.
Sometimes, i dont know if im even real, if this world around me, is real, if im actually living this life.
Because right then, right then, at that moment, i wished, wished that it wasnt real, wasnt me living the life, like it was me looking at this person's life from afar, and feeling the exact way she felt - Crushed.
I dont have the need to exaggerate my feelings, i felt all that. And im still wondering if im cut out to be made for the team, if im even supposed to be there. I dont believe in anyone being indispensable, and that being so true for myself. Yet, i foolishly hung on to the fact that i can do something for everyone.
Call me naive.
Yes i am.
Thanks to dad, sister and brother for basketball just now to let me vent and all.
But i really didnt feel any better.
I am so tired lah.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams, take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday..
Today, something happened which caused me to be on this verge of a breakdown, and yet i was held back.
Today, something happened which caused me to want to fall down and hurt myself so that it'd be a trigger to turn the tap on, to start the waterworks, so that i could just cry out all the pent up emotions.
Today, i felt like a complete fiasco who cannot understand myself, not at all.
Today, i found out i couldnt find out anything about me at all, what im doing, why am i here.
Today, is the worst day of my life, so far.
Today, Miss Darrell's public speech hit me real hard.
" If you think this commitment is too much to handle, then i'd ask you to leave the team, because i dont know, why on earth you are here."
Why am i there?
Why did i join OSLE?
All this being asked, i dont have an answer.
After her words, mom was sitting in the lecture theatre. I walked in, really despondent. I dont know what the fuck is up with me, yet i feel so tired to even try to think about it. Mom saw me, and i said, " im going to fetch sister." She smiled, and said, " where's your mp3?"
Music is the best thing for me when im feeling down.
You wont be surprised to see me listening to music every now and then. It's like, music is a really reliable companion. You feel you can relate to it, you feel it is always there, you feel you can always cry along, as the music plays.
I took my mp3, i brought my phone, and i walked out of the lecture theatre, still thinking of why im in the team, and the events that followed.
I do love the things the team has gone through, the many activities, the sharing sessions.
But yet, i do wonder sometimes, where would i be right now had i taken the path not taken that being, what would i, eileen loo, be, if i havent gone for OSLE, what would i be, where would i be, and would i have been a more carefree and less burdened person?
I still have all these going round my mind, and i plugged in, and ran the entire way, from the track, all the way to the bus stop, without stopping, faber drive screaming in my ears. I felt like please just let me fall down now, so that i'd feel like some fucking helpless person who can cry because she fell. I wanted so much to, i felt that i was at the brink of tearing, yet no tears fell, but words, choked in the throat, slipped back down, right down into my guts, and pent themselves there. Emotions, pent up.
Sister and mom came for the meeting, and i was smiling and laughing like a dork. A pathetic douchebag, who actually felt very down at the moment, and in the head, was still thinking of miss d's words.
My head hurts like mad, i have been thinking too much. Im so tired, so drained.
Sometimes, i dont know if im even real, if this world around me, is real, if im actually living this life.
Because right then, right then, at that moment, i wished, wished that it wasnt real, wasnt me living the life, like it was me looking at this person's life from afar, and feeling the exact way she felt - Crushed.
I dont have the need to exaggerate my feelings, i felt all that. And im still wondering if im cut out to be made for the team, if im even supposed to be there. I dont believe in anyone being indispensable, and that being so true for myself. Yet, i foolishly hung on to the fact that i can do something for everyone.
Call me naive.
Yes i am.
Thanks to dad, sister and brother for basketball just now to let me vent and all.
But i really didnt feel any better.
I am so tired lah.
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that will never play
All the broken dreams, take everything
Just take it away but they can never have yesterday..
Labels: Give me half a chance.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
7:10 AM
I'll keep it in my heart for always
I'll keep it in my heart for always
Joseph is going to Dubai soon. Dubai dubai Dubai.. so far..?
Nevermind, anyway, I'LL MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There.
Anyway, i wanna put this down, i dont care i dont care i dont care!
:)
Joseph says (11:07 PM):
eileen is cute
Joseph says (11:07 PM):
there
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
see?
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
=D
Spartan `when im with you says (11:08 PM):
say it a thousand times
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
;D
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
erm
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
er
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
ill be going to bed sooN!!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:08 PM):
okay, how about 50 times
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
erm... thats still a lot!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:09 PM):
20!!!!!
Joseph says (11:09 PM):
kk discount
Joseph says (11:09 PM):
10! good price!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
15!
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
kk
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
here goes
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
2
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
3
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
4
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
5
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
6
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
7
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
8
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
9
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
10
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
11
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
12
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
13
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
14
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
15 (:
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
16
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
?
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
there...
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
16?!?!
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
oops
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
hahaha
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
solly...
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
one more extra
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
keep it to yourself.
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
*sorry..
Spartan `when im with you says (11:12 PM):
haha
Spartan `when im with you says (11:12 PM):
thats 0kay!
Joseph says (11:13 PM):
sure thing.
):
(:
I dont know which emoticon to put.
Goodnight joseph, goodnight everyone.
Nevermind, anyway, I'LL MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There.
Anyway, i wanna put this down, i dont care i dont care i dont care!
:)
Joseph says (11:07 PM):
eileen is cute
Joseph says (11:07 PM):
there
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
see?
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
=D
Spartan `when im with you says (11:08 PM):
say it a thousand times
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
;D
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
erm
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
er
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
ill be going to bed sooN!!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:08 PM):
okay, how about 50 times
Joseph says (11:08 PM):
erm... thats still a lot!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:09 PM):
20!!!!!
Joseph says (11:09 PM):
kk discount
Joseph says (11:09 PM):
10! good price!
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
15!
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
kk
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
here goes
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
2
Joseph says (11:10 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:10 PM):
3
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
4
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
5
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
6
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
7
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
8
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
9
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
10
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
11
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
12
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
13
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
14
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
15 (:
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
eileen is cute
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
16
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
?
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
there...
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
16?!?!
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
oops
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
hahaha
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
solly...
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
one more extra
Spartan `when im with you says (11:11 PM):
keep it to yourself.
Joseph says (11:11 PM):
*sorry..
Spartan `when im with you says (11:12 PM):
haha
Spartan `when im with you says (11:12 PM):
thats 0kay!
Joseph says (11:13 PM):
sure thing.
):
(:
I dont know which emoticon to put.
Goodnight joseph, goodnight everyone.
Labels: sleep and be transcended into ...
2:55 AM
SWEET 17?
SWEET 17?
Yesterday was my birthday, and i wanna thank all those who wished me! I cant believe some people actually remembered! People from pugi, thank you. Damai friends, thank you. MSTERS, thank you. OSLE, thank you.
To put it simply, yesterday was a very fun day, with MSTERS, and with Damai clique. You know, MSTERS went to siloso beach yesterday, and we were fooling leechia all the time, cuz she wanna go to siloso beach, yet we wanted to go for 9k. So, we went to siloso beach, yet we told her we're going for 9k. The blatant irony was, im the one who's being fooled all along instead of LC. The others all know that i have got to rush back for damai celebration while im the one who doesnt know. To cut the long and pretty story short, Gavin's plan went haywired, and i know of the cake surprise! We had a mini celebration at my void deck, and we ate cake. Yummy yummy chocolate cake ( my favourite ). Gavin, Rasina, Hui ting, Ziguang, and haniffa, thank you for the celebration.
MSTERS- thank you for the celebration at siloso.
Sister- thank you for the Nike basketball as a present! WOOHOOO~
Dad- thanks for the Gatsby handphone strap thingy, i know you said its the last one in singapore (:
Im really very happy. Thank you all.
Oh, i straightened my hair.
See you guys, tomorrow! ( i didnt go to school today as i overslept! )
PHOTOS:
(those of siloso is with yuans, i want i want!)
MY BEST FRIEND- RASINAFARVIN!
I LOVE YOU (:
The mini celebration!
Birthday present from Joseph, chocalates again! (: From Royce!
There- Royce!
My best bitch partner- Holey Hunni!
I heard that Z-win wasnt promoted. But whatever it is, Z-win will forever be a good PW mate, a good friend, a really good person in NYJC.
My henna- drawn on our trip to Little india! Nicholas and Pei yu drew it for me!
Me!` while working
I gotta go now, heh, i still think my hair looks funny.
bye guys (:
Joseph is leaving for Dubai tomorrow- Bone porridge! (:
To put it simply, yesterday was a very fun day, with MSTERS, and with Damai clique. You know, MSTERS went to siloso beach yesterday, and we were fooling leechia all the time, cuz she wanna go to siloso beach, yet we wanted to go for 9k. So, we went to siloso beach, yet we told her we're going for 9k. The blatant irony was, im the one who's being fooled all along instead of LC. The others all know that i have got to rush back for damai celebration while im the one who doesnt know. To cut the long and pretty story short, Gavin's plan went haywired, and i know of the cake surprise! We had a mini celebration at my void deck, and we ate cake. Yummy yummy chocolate cake ( my favourite ). Gavin, Rasina, Hui ting, Ziguang, and haniffa, thank you for the celebration.
MSTERS- thank you for the celebration at siloso.
Sister- thank you for the Nike basketball as a present! WOOHOOO~
Dad- thanks for the Gatsby handphone strap thingy, i know you said its the last one in singapore (:
Im really very happy. Thank you all.
Oh, i straightened my hair.
See you guys, tomorrow! ( i didnt go to school today as i overslept! )
PHOTOS:
(those of siloso is with yuans, i want i want!)
MY BEST FRIEND- RASINAFARVIN!
I LOVE YOU (:
My chocolate birthday cake - Gavin and ziguang paid for it! Thank you cousin!
The mini celebration!
Birthday present from Joseph, chocalates again! (: From Royce!
There- Royce!
My best bitch partner- Holey Hunni!
I heard that Z-win wasnt promoted. But whatever it is, Z-win will forever be a good PW mate, a good friend, a really good person in NYJC.
My henna- drawn on our trip to Little india! Nicholas and Pei yu drew it for me!
Me!` while working
My work partner, jasmine! She's from Myanmar!
I gotta go now, heh, i still think my hair looks funny.
bye guys (:
Joseph is leaving for Dubai tomorrow- Bone porridge! (:
Eileen- you are another year closer to death.
Labels: i'll make every second count cuz i'll miss you.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
7:24 AM
A song.
A song.
Losing someone to death is the same as losing him/her in love.
It'll never be.
7:11 AM
When im with you
When im with you
Less than an hour more to go and i gotta wave goodbye to me being 16 years old.
Yes, i am unhappy, i am sad.
But i gotta face up to reality.
No matter how much i wish and pray and hope that things will be the way i want it, i know i cant.
Life sometimes sucks, but then again, tomorrow will be my birthday. i should be happy afterall.
Joseph passed me my birthday present just now.
Chocolates from Royce. Thank You Very Much.
His chocolates bring back loadsa fond memories, bittersweet ones.
Bon porridge joseph, for Dubai.
Listen to this song- When im with you by Faber drive
It totally depicts my feelings.
Yes, i am unhappy, i am sad.
But i gotta face up to reality.
No matter how much i wish and pray and hope that things will be the way i want it, i know i cant.
Life sometimes sucks, but then again, tomorrow will be my birthday. i should be happy afterall.
Joseph passed me my birthday present just now.
Chocolates from Royce. Thank You Very Much.
His chocolates bring back loadsa fond memories, bittersweet ones.
Bon porridge joseph, for Dubai.
Listen to this song- When im with you by Faber drive
It totally depicts my feelings.
Labels: Tonight is the night.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
8:35 AM
Jaded
Jaded
Hello yet again there pals/
I should be sleeping already since its already close to 1 a.m and i still have school tomorrow. But i just reached home 2 hours ago because i was working, so i wanted to come online, and typed out the 2 poems i wrote during the worktime.
Nowadays, writing poems is such an easy chore for me, i could finish an entire poem in just less than 30 minutes. Maybe boredom does have some kinda power in improving people.
Before i release my poem into cyberspace, i just wanna wish grandpop a very happy belated birthday. sorry grandpa, you didnt let anyone of us know that 8th november was your birthday. i remember you told me last year, and i remember its somewhere close to mine, ye i forgot. Im so sorry. You even forgot your own birthday grandpa.. im so so sorry. Have a safe trip to jakarta tomorrow! =)
Okay, here go the 2 poems, after that is bedtime, and and and.. i dont know.
you
In my world,
there are neither rubies nor pearls
just some biscuits and a cuppa earl
a simple life unlike the other girls
In my heart
you indefinitely occupy a part
still healing from the wound you cut
hoping to begin again with a fresh new start
In my mind
thats where you are all the time
all our precious memories where you can find
even when obstacles- my smile still shines
You make gray skies turn to blue
one in a million- the only you
i wish we could be like paper and glue
yet i know this will never be true.
If life is...
If life is a lollipop
then i suck at it
'cuz from the bottom till the top
it could not be a wishing stick
If life is a lemon
then i'll make lemon juice
coupled with some toast thats slightly burnt
that must be some added boost.
If life is a dream
then i wish it'll never end
just like some rivers or a stream
i wanna enjoy the every little bends.
Okay, done with both.
If i do have the time, i'll write more.
goodnight people.
2 more days since its already 10th november.
It just takes one reminder to tell us how lousy we are,
despite being reminded so many times, of what fortunate lives we lead.
Blatant irony...
I should be sleeping already since its already close to 1 a.m and i still have school tomorrow. But i just reached home 2 hours ago because i was working, so i wanted to come online, and typed out the 2 poems i wrote during the worktime.
Nowadays, writing poems is such an easy chore for me, i could finish an entire poem in just less than 30 minutes. Maybe boredom does have some kinda power in improving people.
Before i release my poem into cyberspace, i just wanna wish grandpop a very happy belated birthday. sorry grandpa, you didnt let anyone of us know that 8th november was your birthday. i remember you told me last year, and i remember its somewhere close to mine, ye i forgot. Im so sorry. You even forgot your own birthday grandpa.. im so so sorry. Have a safe trip to jakarta tomorrow! =)
Okay, here go the 2 poems, after that is bedtime, and and and.. i dont know.
you
In my world,
there are neither rubies nor pearls
just some biscuits and a cuppa earl
a simple life unlike the other girls
In my heart
you indefinitely occupy a part
still healing from the wound you cut
hoping to begin again with a fresh new start
In my mind
thats where you are all the time
all our precious memories where you can find
even when obstacles- my smile still shines
You make gray skies turn to blue
one in a million- the only you
i wish we could be like paper and glue
yet i know this will never be true.
If life is...
If life is a lollipop
then i suck at it
'cuz from the bottom till the top
it could not be a wishing stick
If life is a lemon
then i'll make lemon juice
coupled with some toast thats slightly burnt
that must be some added boost.
If life is a dream
then i wish it'll never end
just like some rivers or a stream
i wanna enjoy the every little bends.
Okay, done with both.
If i do have the time, i'll write more.
goodnight people.
2 more days since its already 10th november.
It just takes one reminder to tell us how lousy we are,
despite being reminded so many times, of what fortunate lives we lead.
Blatant irony...
Labels: Caught between the rock and a cold hard place
Saturday, November 8, 2008
7:06 AM
No matter what you say, you're just trying to say "i love you" in 100 different ways
No matter what you say, you're just trying to say "i love you" in 100 different ways
Hello. Today was Bukit timah and blah blah to xiao guilin too for the actual OSLE(sorry but i still like to stick to OSLE instead of the corny and crappy and cheesy ISLE) S-L project. Im glad it turned out swell, Lu Zhi, Rachael and Nichlas - great job! (:
I felt very guilty because i was supposed to meet up with the organising group early in the morning yet i was the last Spartan to arrive for the entire event. Im so sorry guys, i didnt feel very happy yesterday and it took me quite a while to get myself to sleep. I barely had two hours of sleep when i realised i was going to be late. Sorry =/
Thanks to the entire team for making it such a success too.
Anyway, yesterday, during the work time, i was feeling pretty bored, so i wrote a poem, and im gonna type it out now. I dont think it is good but anyway, just.. i just wanna write it.
Nothing matters that much
except the love that cannot be judged
a little dose of your warmly touch
the potent cure for my broken heart
You matter this much
hands outstretched, miles apart
through the storms and all the rut
you're there no matter what
Your love is like a blood stained river
in my mind, the picture of us, irreplaceable
wat is this? a blessing from Apostles?
dont have no clue, make me wonder
Shoot me, which fateful arrow of Cupid
dreams are infected with the words you speak
hurtful words fall from luscious lips
sinking into abyss, an endless pit
A clean break, thats what you asked
my bitter smile, a radiant mask
i used to be loved from dawn to dusk
forgetting you is such an impossible task
But i must let go now
put aside all seeds we sow
away i shall go, dont furrow your brows
our so called promises, i wonder how.
okay that is all.
i know it is a stupid poem, but i dont care.
goodnight people.
Oh, my friend introduced this chinese song to me, i think it is super way back, but i dont bother, it is a nice song.
Something about hao yan lei huai yan lei.
Night.
We think we're alone.
I felt very guilty because i was supposed to meet up with the organising group early in the morning yet i was the last Spartan to arrive for the entire event. Im so sorry guys, i didnt feel very happy yesterday and it took me quite a while to get myself to sleep. I barely had two hours of sleep when i realised i was going to be late. Sorry =/
Thanks to the entire team for making it such a success too.
Anyway, yesterday, during the work time, i was feeling pretty bored, so i wrote a poem, and im gonna type it out now. I dont think it is good but anyway, just.. i just wanna write it.
Nothing matters that much
except the love that cannot be judged
a little dose of your warmly touch
the potent cure for my broken heart
You matter this much
hands outstretched, miles apart
through the storms and all the rut
you're there no matter what
Your love is like a blood stained river
in my mind, the picture of us, irreplaceable
wat is this? a blessing from Apostles?
dont have no clue, make me wonder
Shoot me, which fateful arrow of Cupid
dreams are infected with the words you speak
hurtful words fall from luscious lips
sinking into abyss, an endless pit
A clean break, thats what you asked
my bitter smile, a radiant mask
i used to be loved from dawn to dusk
forgetting you is such an impossible task
But i must let go now
put aside all seeds we sow
away i shall go, dont furrow your brows
our so called promises, i wonder how.
okay that is all.
i know it is a stupid poem, but i dont care.
goodnight people.
Oh, my friend introduced this chinese song to me, i think it is super way back, but i dont bother, it is a nice song.
Something about hao yan lei huai yan lei.
Night.
We think we're alone.
Labels: ):
Thursday, November 6, 2008
6:13 AM
Hey you're so hard to chase
Hey you're so hard to chase
Today was Biology Olympiad, besides the screwing it up part, the entire thing was a total waste of time, and i felt i could better spend my time somewhere else than sit there for 3 hours, thinking of some movies while trying to perfect the shading of my ovals. It's just for some SGC thing, if not, you'll know me well enough to know that i'll never go for it. I mean, its plain stupid, and is a total waste of time Period
The only happy thing today is the hanging out with secondary school clique. Peiyan! Rasina! Gavin! Huiting!
I miss those days, chatting with you guys today was just plain relaxing, fun, nice, and funny and funny and funny and funny and funny and funny and.. well funny.
Today, Gavin made me board the wrong 60 bus, and it just rounded the wrong turn and stopped at a wrong stop, when gavin knocked on the window of the bus, and malu-ed me infront of everyone. Thanks Gavin, plus! plus! plus! He was the one who told me bus 60 was there and told me to board it. THANKS.
Then i alighted at the next stop after the stop which gavin and rasina was there, and ran back to them. We just stopped right in the middle of the pavement and laughed laughed laughed laughed.
I laughed so hard till my sides ache, and i practically doubled over. (:
FUN.FUNNY.YOU (:
THANKS GUYS!
I have new friends, you know, in with the new, yet, i know im not going to be rid-ing myself of my old friends. Not now, and will never do so in the future.
Bon Voyage to peiyan and jake for the Shandong trip, i anticipate your return :)
Bye people.
LOVE- Not every cinderella can find their perfect shoes.
The only happy thing today is the hanging out with secondary school clique. Peiyan! Rasina! Gavin! Huiting!
I miss those days, chatting with you guys today was just plain relaxing, fun, nice, and funny and funny and funny and funny and funny and funny and.. well funny.
Today, Gavin made me board the wrong 60 bus, and it just rounded the wrong turn and stopped at a wrong stop, when gavin knocked on the window of the bus, and malu-ed me infront of everyone. Thanks Gavin, plus! plus! plus! He was the one who told me bus 60 was there and told me to board it. THANKS.
Then i alighted at the next stop after the stop which gavin and rasina was there, and ran back to them. We just stopped right in the middle of the pavement and laughed laughed laughed laughed.
I laughed so hard till my sides ache, and i practically doubled over. (:
FUN.FUNNY.YOU (:
THANKS GUYS!
I have new friends, you know, in with the new, yet, i know im not going to be rid-ing myself of my old friends. Not now, and will never do so in the future.
Bon Voyage to peiyan and jake for the Shandong trip, i anticipate your return :)
Bye people.
LOVE- Not every cinderella can find their perfect shoes.
Labels: Are you trying to ascertain my determination to love you?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
7:36 AM
Death and all his friends
Death and all his friends
Good night everyone. Well, i didnt blog yesterday, because i was too tired, and largely because i was too lazy. Yesterday, i had to wake up early to meet Yuans and sher at vivo. I took 65, and i thought i'd reach early, in the end, the entire journey took slightly more than 1.5 hours, and i swear my butt sorta rot. Anyway, sher and yuans were crazy man. they bought like so many packets of Chips. zzz, chips, on a hot day, haha! In tne end, if my memory serves me well, we ate only slightly less than a packet. Thanks to sher who bought a mat, we were able to sit and lie down without getting sand all over us. all in all, it was very fun, especially when we slapshed water at each other until we got so wet. And ate a tad too much salt. It was fun, thanks piano, thanks sher.
After that, i headed down to AMK hub for work. First day of work, and i was late for 15 minutes. nonetheless, i wasnt scolded. It was a fairly relaxed job, just, its a tad too boring. I spent my time chatting with Jasmine, my partner, who is from myanmar similar to Yem. Her myanmar name is kinda long, and i couldnt remember. She is really nice, and we chatted till 630 when she left, and i was all alone. I spent the remaining time blasting mucis from my phone cuz i dont think it'd be nice to plug in my mp3. To think i get paid just by sitting there and listening to music, and lets not forget the ston-ing that i have to get through.
It was a really tiring day, and today, i went to work again, and was an hour late. Thanks to Jasmine who didnt mind it(:
Fairly relaxed day, but its boring.
Thanks to Haoareu for passing me the ISLE (STUPID RIGHT? CALL IT OSLE LAH!) form and afterwhich, i bus-ed home. Tired tired.
Biology olympiad tomorrow, and i think its 200 questions over a period of 5 hours. Stupid stupid, i think i'll just tikam my way through. Lady luck, smile on me pretty please.
Some pictures of yesterday at siloso beach.
Oh, we were all wet because all of us went to the sea.
Big Gulp's the life Saver
Sher's, mine, yuans'
Yuanxin, eileen, sherlyn
yuanxin is angry, and she wants to bite your head off.
Look at yuans' face. She looks insane.
Mad woman <3
I didnt know this picture was taken, and dont ask me what i was doing, cuz i dont have a clue(:
Cover our faces!
Im going off now, have a nice night, its pretty starry over here...
Before that, i have a piece of song lyrics i'd love to share..
Viva la vida - coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)
Hear Jerusalem bells are ringings
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh
After that, i headed down to AMK hub for work. First day of work, and i was late for 15 minutes. nonetheless, i wasnt scolded. It was a fairly relaxed job, just, its a tad too boring. I spent my time chatting with Jasmine, my partner, who is from myanmar similar to Yem. Her myanmar name is kinda long, and i couldnt remember. She is really nice, and we chatted till 630 when she left, and i was all alone. I spent the remaining time blasting mucis from my phone cuz i dont think it'd be nice to plug in my mp3. To think i get paid just by sitting there and listening to music, and lets not forget the ston-ing that i have to get through.
It was a really tiring day, and today, i went to work again, and was an hour late. Thanks to Jasmine who didnt mind it(:
Fairly relaxed day, but its boring.
Thanks to Haoareu for passing me the ISLE (STUPID RIGHT? CALL IT OSLE LAH!) form and afterwhich, i bus-ed home. Tired tired.
Biology olympiad tomorrow, and i think its 200 questions over a period of 5 hours. Stupid stupid, i think i'll just tikam my way through. Lady luck, smile on me pretty please.
Some pictures of yesterday at siloso beach.
Oh, we were all wet because all of us went to the sea.
Big Gulp's the life Saver
Sher's, mine, yuans'
Yuanxin, eileen, sherlyn
yuanxin is angry, and she wants to bite your head off.
Look at yuans' face. She looks insane.
Mad woman <3
I didnt know this picture was taken, and dont ask me what i was doing, cuz i dont have a clue(:
Cover our faces!
Im going off now, have a nice night, its pretty starry over here...
Before that, i have a piece of song lyrics i'd love to share..
Viva la vida - coldplay
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)
Hear Jerusalem bells are ringings
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh
Labels: All i know is, imma be okay
Monday, November 3, 2008
6:35 AM
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me
Hello there. Well, PW is officially over.
OVER OVER OVER
OVER OVER OVER
OVER OVER OVER.
Can you imagine the euphoria?
You cant?
Well, neither can i.
I dont even know why, just at this moment, i dont feel the happiness.
Sighs, i dont know myself lah. I think im a stupid weirdo.
Anyway, today, when it was my turn to go up and talk, mr KC (mr tennis smiles) LAUGHED AT ME. HE DID THE TENNIS SMILE LAUGH, and i couldnt present, because when i saw his smiling face, it was very funny, like a small boy, and i laughed as well. And then i almost screwed up, because i couldnt remember what i've said.
Other than that, i think it went well for my entire group because all of us were able to answer the questions - nice work team!
After that Yemin treated us to dinner at this myanmar food restaurant.
Lemme tell you this, myanmar food is great. fantabulous. (:
THANKS YEM!
I have to go off now, happy birthday to sister! (:
HAPPY 19TH!
Tomorrow is siloso beach with Yuans and Sher. YAYNESS!
Tan, Frisbee, chillin'
yay.
I wanna tell you its you, but then if i did, we wont be the way we are now.
Sighs.
OVER OVER OVER
OVER OVER OVER
OVER OVER OVER.
Can you imagine the euphoria?
You cant?
Well, neither can i.
I dont even know why, just at this moment, i dont feel the happiness.
Sighs, i dont know myself lah. I think im a stupid weirdo.
Anyway, today, when it was my turn to go up and talk, mr KC (mr tennis smiles) LAUGHED AT ME. HE DID THE TENNIS SMILE LAUGH, and i couldnt present, because when i saw his smiling face, it was very funny, like a small boy, and i laughed as well. And then i almost screwed up, because i couldnt remember what i've said.
Other than that, i think it went well for my entire group because all of us were able to answer the questions - nice work team!
After that Yemin treated us to dinner at this myanmar food restaurant.
Lemme tell you this, myanmar food is great. fantabulous. (:
THANKS YEM!
I have to go off now, happy birthday to sister! (:
HAPPY 19TH!
Tomorrow is siloso beach with Yuans and Sher. YAYNESS!
Tan, Frisbee, chillin'
yay.
I wanna tell you its you, but then if i did, we wont be the way we are now.
Sighs.
Labels: A hiding place.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
7:05 AM
Tell me where to start and tell me something i dont know
Tell me where to start and tell me something i dont know
Got some pictures to put up, let the pictures do the talking first, im exhausted- mentally, physically, and emotionally.
My sister, tomorrow's her birthday!
My brother! He's on the phone.
Hehs. im sorry we ruined the picture.
Gavin and i / We'll always be the best cousins, no matter what.
Sorry, im too lazy to turn it clockwise. But here's the sweet karyn.
At XiaoGuiLin. That place is beautiful, serene and totally swell.
Chocolate fondue. Yum yum yum.
This granite footpath is so littered, but i love it. Its so pretty.
I think the tennis smile is like so becoming a trademark of mine.
Yet, again.
My sister, tomorrow's her birthday!
My brother! He's on the phone.
Hehs. im sorry we ruined the picture.
Gavin and i / We'll always be the best cousins, no matter what.
Sorry, im too lazy to turn it clockwise. But here's the sweet karyn.
I know she's cute.
At XiaoGuiLin. That place is beautiful, serene and totally swell.
Chocolate fondue. Yum yum yum.
This granite footpath is so littered, but i love it. Its so pretty.
I think the tennis smile is like so becoming a trademark of mine.
Damn.
Yet, again.
********
Well, i had fun today. Today was a good day. Lunch with family was nice, and we went to the Little Guilin park together. it's really beautiful i think i can sit there for the entire day and i'll be enjoying every minute of it. After that was Bukit timah Recce at Hindhede park with Rach, Nic and luzhi. we were there when it rained as though water's free. We got caught in the rain, and then luzhi's parents were kind enough to offer us a ride to Vivo. We ran from the hindhede park to the carpark at Bukit Timah, and we were so wet! along the way, some people under those shletered huts saw all 4 of us running like mad and they shouted, " Olympics! woooo!" So funny.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
It was so fun to run in the rain.
Okay, you get it. I LOVE TO RUN IN THE RAIN!
But the bad thing is, i've got a cold now. my nose feels runny, and after my bath, i've been sneezing.
Nevermind, it was fun though.
After that, we train-ed to hougang. In the train, i saw Rach sleeping, she looked so cute! I didnt feel like sitting down. for some reason i dont quite know of, i feel unhappy- a mild word to describe sadness. So i didnt speak much.
Lol thanks to Nic for cheering me up even though he doesnt knows that i was feeling down.
He pointed something funny to me which made me laughed like mad.
And i doubt i can ever play the guitar with him, im so so so lousy. ):
Dinner with parents was fun, and nice and fun and nice.
Tomorrow is my a levels OP, im scared, but im not gonna show it. Im gonna brave this thing, im sure it'll be over, i mean, IT WILL BE OVER. So, just get over it, and dont regret!
All the best to those having their OP this week (:
Happy birthday to sister! (3rd November)
My birthday is coming.
12111991
Labels: today im on my own
Saturday, November 1, 2008
2:51 AM
Pocketful of sunshine
Pocketful of sunshine
***
Well hello there, im now typing this post as my sister is rummaging through the already messy wardrobe. she's so paranoid because i told her she doesnt look nice in that black dress which she was gonna wear for her birthday celebration.
Yep, her birthday in two days time.
Mine will be soon too!
Anyway, i have gotten myself a job i think, most likely.
It'll be at Ang Mo Kio Hub, some push carts.
I'll go and practise my OP later, but for now, i'll just listen to thunder.
When i listen to that song, i get so unhappy, and then im reminded of this picture that says, " Hug me, im sad."
Nevermind, i get these stuffs now and then so i dont care!
And I LOVE TAY YUANXIN!
After OP will be loadsa fun, cycling, Barbeque, and suntanning.
WHOOOOPS~