EILEEN LOO YI ZHEN;
Friday, October 31, 2008
8:37 AM
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Many many things i have done over the days, well not really that loads of them, yet i dont wanna list them out here. I guess my blog is not those list my activities everyday kinda blog, but like, i dont know.
These few days have been boring, i hope i'll get some life soon after Oral Presentation.
Love mom + dad + everyone in the house.
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Hooked onto this song - thunder - boys like girls.
These few days have been boring, i hope i'll get some life soon after Oral Presentation.
Love mom + dad + everyone in the house.
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Hooked onto this song - thunder - boys like girls.
Labels: Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
3:22 AM
Ugly and pretty
Ugly and pretty
Today is Joseph and Joel's birthday! Happy birthday to you guys!
I managed to meet up with them, joel walked me to their new house, where i only had some time to look around, it is really pretty, woah, the blue pool looks so tempting on a really warm day.
Then Joseph walked me back to the train station from their house, and we managed to chat.
I feel so stupid for giving him a bottle when he already has one ):
I am unsure of how i feel right now because it was indeed nice to have someone to talk to, like i could complain and hrumble and someone will be there listening. Maybe i just wish we aren't in different schools. It was a warm day indeed, and my cheeks were super duper flustered i think i looked like a walking tomato. And joseph laughed at me for some reason i dont know even though i want to know - oh wait, i guess its because he caught me in some unglam position...
Anyway, it was really nice to see them again, after so long, so long, so long.
I hope to see you guys soon, and in the meantime, take care of yourselves uhs! ( i know you guys are big boys haha )
Happy birthday!
Love, eileen.
P.S. JIAYOU FOR MOTHER TONGUE A LEVELS TOMORROW PEOPLE! (:
GLHF.
I managed to meet up with them, joel walked me to their new house, where i only had some time to look around, it is really pretty, woah, the blue pool looks so tempting on a really warm day.
Then Joseph walked me back to the train station from their house, and we managed to chat.
I feel so stupid for giving him a bottle when he already has one ):
I am unsure of how i feel right now because it was indeed nice to have someone to talk to, like i could complain and hrumble and someone will be there listening. Maybe i just wish we aren't in different schools. It was a warm day indeed, and my cheeks were super duper flustered i think i looked like a walking tomato. And joseph laughed at me for some reason i dont know even though i want to know - oh wait, i guess its because he caught me in some unglam position...
Anyway, it was really nice to see them again, after so long, so long, so long.
I hope to see you guys soon, and in the meantime, take care of yourselves uhs! ( i know you guys are big boys haha )
Happy birthday!
Love, eileen.
P.S. JIAYOU FOR MOTHER TONGUE A LEVELS TOMORROW PEOPLE! (:
GLHF.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
5:36 AM
Words fall from unparted lips.
Words fall from unparted lips.
The little girl without a name
is so fragile, is so tame
care no two hoots about whatever fame
treats her little life as though its a game.
She spells her sorrows in dark blue ink
on pieces of scrap paper, her favourite pink
eyes glazed with tears, teethering on the brink
her little heart, further it sink.
Pens laid down, further she thinks
how much more, can this life bring?
fairies dont exist, neither do kings
there is no soil hiding any ruby rings.
Why are such things bringing her down
life is mocking her like a playful clown
she gazed upon the stars in their silver gowns
a handful of earth, the muddy brown.
She was reminded of the others' smiles
purely of innocence, rid of viles
how these smiles travel a thousand miles
how its a vital chemical equivalent to bile.
Upon which she was enlightened
how easily her life others could brighten
it can be said that she's a simpleton
or rather, she could readily gain contentment.
You see, this girl is not without a name
she is not like others, not the same
one day she'll grow to be a fine young dame
her smile shining in others' frames.
Eileen loo yi zhen.
*****
I just wrote a poem, i have many things to blog about, but they are not important.
Hey, please be happy.
is so fragile, is so tame
care no two hoots about whatever fame
treats her little life as though its a game.
She spells her sorrows in dark blue ink
on pieces of scrap paper, her favourite pink
eyes glazed with tears, teethering on the brink
her little heart, further it sink.
Pens laid down, further she thinks
how much more, can this life bring?
fairies dont exist, neither do kings
there is no soil hiding any ruby rings.
Why are such things bringing her down
life is mocking her like a playful clown
she gazed upon the stars in their silver gowns
a handful of earth, the muddy brown.
She was reminded of the others' smiles
purely of innocence, rid of viles
how these smiles travel a thousand miles
how its a vital chemical equivalent to bile.
Upon which she was enlightened
how easily her life others could brighten
it can be said that she's a simpleton
or rather, she could readily gain contentment.
You see, this girl is not without a name
she is not like others, not the same
one day she'll grow to be a fine young dame
her smile shining in others' frames.
Eileen loo yi zhen.
*****
I just wrote a poem, i have many things to blog about, but they are not important.
Hey, please be happy.
Labels: the girl with no name
Monday, October 27, 2008
6:34 AM
He decided to live his life shallow
He decided to live his life shallow
First of all, i'd love to thank my aunt for her great hospitality while i was staying over. I felt really comfortable, and really at home. Thanks for buying me food, washing after me, doing my laundry, and on top of all that, thanks for your company (:
She's the best aunt i ever had, and i love her.
Well, Mom and Dad, as well as siblings are back from Cebu. My siblings are badly burnt, and this makes me feel kinda sad because i've been wanting to get a tan. They told me it wasn't really that fun, but i've got this inkling feeling that they're saying that just to make me feel better. Nonetheless, its okay, because if you look at it on the bright side, i have my fun, and they have theirs.
Thrill.
I felt the emotion- thrill yesterday night.
I finally get to make myself better by hacking away at a Vanilla cone, even though the ice cream was from Mac. Ate the cone at like, 1130, at dhoby ghaut, together with Yihao, JingChun, Luzhi. IT was super duper yummy, and i owe Yihao 40. Cents. Anyway, the thrill was when we ran.
The last train was at 0000.
And we were left with 5 minutes to get to the red line in dhoby, so we ran.
We ran through the dead and still Station which was previously swarmed with people in the day.
I could hear my raspy breath, as i sucked in mouthfuls of air, and i could hear my heart hammering so loudly it felt as though my ribs were breaking. The sound of my slippers as they hit the cold marble floor with every step i take echoed through the entire station, as i tried to keep up with the guys, my huge bag bouncing happily against my back.
Okay, stupid description, you get my drift anyway.
I love those kind of thrills.
And i love the vanilla cone.
Anyway, tomorrow will be the last OP rehearsal, im gonna give it my bestest shot, hope i dont screw up okay!
I've got to go now, but before i go off, i just wanna say,
I've got this friend that thinks she is beyond perfection.
Whatever people have, that she doesnt have, she'll go and get it, to show that she is as up to date.
I could only look at her with that much disdain, as i see her in my view, a desperate someone trying to be those cool people, it just makes me feel that she is kinda repulsive, and i dont know what i can do, or if i should even do anything.
It even makes me feel that the friendship between us, its like a patronizing one, whereby we simply just, yeah, patronize each other. It kinda makes me feel how much i actually miss my Secondary School friends, and how much they mean to me.
Perhaps she'll snap out of all that soon, and be herself again, or has there ever been a 'herself'?
Sometimes, even i wonder too.
To sidetrack, a happy deepavali to all the indians out there, hope they have had a nice day, and a really happy birthday to Haniffa, my bestest bitch partner, and gossip friend, as well as a really big guy (not in terms of size, but the heart, and the brain!) who lend me his ears. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Today's also my cousin's birthday aka Gavin's sister.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SHERRALYN!
Joseph's birthday is coming in 2 days time!
Sister's birthday is coming, 3rd November
My birthday is coming, 12th November!
Ohmy, what a messy post, good day folks.
Karyn and i, we were bored.
Oops, my cousins are way too cute.
Bye people.
Sometimes i feel, if i ever do get a chance to choose, will i still take the same old path?
Do i even have the weigh the pros and cons, and kid myself as i desperately try to balance the scales?
She's the best aunt i ever had, and i love her.
Well, Mom and Dad, as well as siblings are back from Cebu. My siblings are badly burnt, and this makes me feel kinda sad because i've been wanting to get a tan. They told me it wasn't really that fun, but i've got this inkling feeling that they're saying that just to make me feel better. Nonetheless, its okay, because if you look at it on the bright side, i have my fun, and they have theirs.
Thrill.
I felt the emotion- thrill yesterday night.
I finally get to make myself better by hacking away at a Vanilla cone, even though the ice cream was from Mac. Ate the cone at like, 1130, at dhoby ghaut, together with Yihao, JingChun, Luzhi. IT was super duper yummy, and i owe Yihao 40. Cents. Anyway, the thrill was when we ran.
The last train was at 0000.
And we were left with 5 minutes to get to the red line in dhoby, so we ran.
We ran through the dead and still Station which was previously swarmed with people in the day.
I could hear my raspy breath, as i sucked in mouthfuls of air, and i could hear my heart hammering so loudly it felt as though my ribs were breaking. The sound of my slippers as they hit the cold marble floor with every step i take echoed through the entire station, as i tried to keep up with the guys, my huge bag bouncing happily against my back.
Okay, stupid description, you get my drift anyway.
I love those kind of thrills.
And i love the vanilla cone.
Anyway, tomorrow will be the last OP rehearsal, im gonna give it my bestest shot, hope i dont screw up okay!
I've got to go now, but before i go off, i just wanna say,
I've got this friend that thinks she is beyond perfection.
Whatever people have, that she doesnt have, she'll go and get it, to show that she is as up to date.
I could only look at her with that much disdain, as i see her in my view, a desperate someone trying to be those cool people, it just makes me feel that she is kinda repulsive, and i dont know what i can do, or if i should even do anything.
It even makes me feel that the friendship between us, its like a patronizing one, whereby we simply just, yeah, patronize each other. It kinda makes me feel how much i actually miss my Secondary School friends, and how much they mean to me.
Perhaps she'll snap out of all that soon, and be herself again, or has there ever been a 'herself'?
Sometimes, even i wonder too.
To sidetrack, a happy deepavali to all the indians out there, hope they have had a nice day, and a really happy birthday to Haniffa, my bestest bitch partner, and gossip friend, as well as a really big guy (not in terms of size, but the heart, and the brain!) who lend me his ears. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
Today's also my cousin's birthday aka Gavin's sister.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SHERRALYN!
Joseph's birthday is coming in 2 days time!
Sister's birthday is coming, 3rd November
My birthday is coming, 12th November!
Ohmy, what a messy post, good day folks.
Karyn and i, we were bored.
Oops, my cousins are way too cute.
Bye people.
Sometimes i feel, if i ever do get a chance to choose, will i still take the same old path?
Do i even have the weigh the pros and cons, and kid myself as i desperately try to balance the scales?
Labels: Passion is love for material
Saturday, October 25, 2008
10:07 AM
The Kohaku River
The Kohaku River
I cant believe myself. I watched spirited away, i just finished watching it, and i couldnt believe i was crying as i watched the entire movie. The little girl was trying so hard to save her parents, and it was a really nice movie. She, and the dragon fell in love, but the saddest of all was that the dragon cant leave with her, it just made me so sad. Okay im babbling, a couple of hours later, and mom and dad will be leaving me, for a day or two.
No biggie, eileen, you can handle this.
yeah, i sure hope so.
Spirited away ; i learnt courage, from love.
No biggie, eileen, you can handle this.
yeah, i sure hope so.
Spirited away ; i learnt courage, from love.
Labels: This is true love.
6:25 AM
If my drawings can come alive,
If my drawings can come alive,
I need to get away man. I feel super duper absurd, and am currently not in the right state of mind or mood. My parents are feeling so super duper happy, i mean, of course i dont expect them to weep or whatnot because i cant follow them, yet, i just hope, i dont know what im hoping for actually. They keep talking about it, what they will eat there, what they will do, and i feel so super duper excluded. I know its not their faults, maybe i just, scrap that, i dont know what i want them to do too.
I want them to enjoy themselves, seriously. And then they can tell me all about it, how great it is, when they get back. I know i'll love to hear about the things they see, and the food they eat. Please enjoy yourselves, mom dad, sister and brother.
Sighs, they talk about it so much, i can even memorise their schedule.
I was feeling damn low, and wanted to get away from the house for some ice cream, but i dont know where to go. Feels dumb right, i know.
I dont know from how, my dad managed to digress from his trip to Cebu, to my osle trip to yunnan. and he's telling me again and again to get phonecards so that i can make calls home. Yeahs man dad, its like, tomorrow he's going for his holiday, yet he's thinking about my trip to Yunnan. And he says he'll miss me too much that he cant even work if i were tom not call home. No worries, i'll definitely call home! 'Cuz i know i'll miss you guys too!
So, i'll get to today's huge big thing for me. It was my trip to little india. You might wanna say its my first, i have never really been there yeah. So, it was like an amazing race thing, and we were grouped into our buddy systems - i.e. me, peiyu and nicholas were put together, with Miss Megan as the leader! She's super duper nice and cute with this really amazing accent.
There were many first times during this trip, you know, its my first time:
1) Eating naan (this rota prata look-alike thing)
2) Drinking lassi (this yoghurt drip, which is mango flavoured, and which nicholas said he's got tummy upset after drinking it)
3) Doing Henna for someone (I did a fairly good job you know! I imitated the design drawn by a pro from peiyu's hand, and i copied it to nicholas's hand- which he got it smudged, and i felt pretty sad over it cuz i felt that it looked kinda great, no boasting there. I do have my modesty, thank you, oh which also reminds me, of how my hand seems to look, you know, nicholas and peiyu trying to copy the henna design onto my hand)
4) Putting the Pottu on my head, you know, the indians' coloured sticker on the forehead, it can also be powder. It was indeed fun!
5) Doing a rangoli (well, we did it as a team, and yay, i really love it, though i think nicholas threw the masterpiece away already)
Yeah, so many things i have done, plus i've got this realization, you know, im really good at henna. I ought to set up some business you know, and do them for people. Plus, i really enjoy drawing the designs!
On a side note, i would like to add that it is too, my first time talking to so many indians at one go. You may say im racist, but i do understand how unkind it is to judge people, and how bad the person must have felt, to be judged. The people in Little India are so nice, they help us so much and did not even ask for anything in return. I felt a little ashamed for being wary of them, and sometimes shunning them, although i do have indian friends, plenty of them. Guess ignorance really is bliss, but then again, one cant live in the dark forever. They've got to learn from the discoveries, their postulations, and only then can life be fulfilling huh.
It was fun, it was, really. I learnt many many things, which cannot be substituted with textbook or Internet learning. I thank the people who organised it, and i really appreciate their efforts. Well done.
Here's another month before we leave for China.
Good day guys, i might wanna add on further, later. But im kinda tired now.
I want them to enjoy themselves, seriously. And then they can tell me all about it, how great it is, when they get back. I know i'll love to hear about the things they see, and the food they eat. Please enjoy yourselves, mom dad, sister and brother.
Sighs, they talk about it so much, i can even memorise their schedule.
I was feeling damn low, and wanted to get away from the house for some ice cream, but i dont know where to go. Feels dumb right, i know.
I dont know from how, my dad managed to digress from his trip to Cebu, to my osle trip to yunnan. and he's telling me again and again to get phonecards so that i can make calls home. Yeahs man dad, its like, tomorrow he's going for his holiday, yet he's thinking about my trip to Yunnan. And he says he'll miss me too much that he cant even work if i were tom not call home. No worries, i'll definitely call home! 'Cuz i know i'll miss you guys too!
So, i'll get to today's huge big thing for me. It was my trip to little india. You might wanna say its my first, i have never really been there yeah. So, it was like an amazing race thing, and we were grouped into our buddy systems - i.e. me, peiyu and nicholas were put together, with Miss Megan as the leader! She's super duper nice and cute with this really amazing accent.
There were many first times during this trip, you know, its my first time:
1) Eating naan (this rota prata look-alike thing)
2) Drinking lassi (this yoghurt drip, which is mango flavoured, and which nicholas said he's got tummy upset after drinking it)
3) Doing Henna for someone (I did a fairly good job you know! I imitated the design drawn by a pro from peiyu's hand, and i copied it to nicholas's hand- which he got it smudged, and i felt pretty sad over it cuz i felt that it looked kinda great, no boasting there. I do have my modesty, thank you, oh which also reminds me, of how my hand seems to look, you know, nicholas and peiyu trying to copy the henna design onto my hand)
4) Putting the Pottu on my head, you know, the indians' coloured sticker on the forehead, it can also be powder. It was indeed fun!
5) Doing a rangoli (well, we did it as a team, and yay, i really love it, though i think nicholas threw the masterpiece away already)
Yeah, so many things i have done, plus i've got this realization, you know, im really good at henna. I ought to set up some business you know, and do them for people. Plus, i really enjoy drawing the designs!
On a side note, i would like to add that it is too, my first time talking to so many indians at one go. You may say im racist, but i do understand how unkind it is to judge people, and how bad the person must have felt, to be judged. The people in Little India are so nice, they help us so much and did not even ask for anything in return. I felt a little ashamed for being wary of them, and sometimes shunning them, although i do have indian friends, plenty of them. Guess ignorance really is bliss, but then again, one cant live in the dark forever. They've got to learn from the discoveries, their postulations, and only then can life be fulfilling huh.
It was fun, it was, really. I learnt many many things, which cannot be substituted with textbook or Internet learning. I thank the people who organised it, and i really appreciate their efforts. Well done.
Here's another month before we leave for China.
Good day guys, i might wanna add on further, later. But im kinda tired now.
Labels: I look at you with much disdain
Friday, October 24, 2008
2:04 AM
When my whole world was grey
When my whole world was grey
I realised that you dont seem to be a Best Friend anymore.
Just wanna tell You that whatever you're thinking may not always be right, and you are not feeling how we are feeling so you wont understand.
Im truly disappointed in you.
I dont know how im going to look you in the eye anymore, and talk to you.
Dashed.
Just wanna tell You that whatever you're thinking may not always be right, and you are not feeling how we are feeling so you wont understand.
Im truly disappointed in you.
I dont know how im going to look you in the eye anymore, and talk to you.
Dashed.
Labels: Your stupid superiority
Thursday, October 23, 2008
8:23 AM
How do i live without you
How do i live without you
Went over to my Aunt's house, taught my cousins Mathematics. I love teaching them math and all. I felt as though i had spent my time wisely. Plus, i was able to go on a movie marathon with the kids. Cinderella, Little mermaid, Aladdin (my favourite). It's like, every movie is a happy ending, no wonder the kids are so happy.
I felt so happy, because of the visit to my aunt's house. And i witnessed the power of motherly love today. I sort of gave up on Jody ( one of my cousins ) while teaching her this problem sum. I taught her like 5 times, the same questions, and her sister, Lynn, also helped her as well. We taught her so many times, yet she couldnt understand. And we were like, aiyah, dont know nevermind. We went off to slack. And i came back 10 minutes later to see my aunt trying to explain the same math problem to Jody.
She was kinda impatient, yet she didnt give up. IT made me feel guilty that i had been so impatient, and i was in awe of how persistent and determined she is to make her daughter understand. The power of motherly love.
Im indeed fazed by it.
To spoil these happy realizations, and my going to believe in happy endings those shit, i was hit by a sad news.
That is, my entire family will be going to Cebu, this kelong in malaysia, this coming sunday. I want so badly to go. But i wont.
There's just so much to do, priority given to the OSLE bukit timah trip proposal. The proposal has been thrown back, and the organising committee is already feeling quite demoralised by it, i cant leave. I have to stay and contribute, i have to.
So, its okays, i just hope my family members will take more pictures so that i can at least relive their happy moments through those pictures.
Though i'll never get to experience the real happy family moments shared there.
Im so sorry daddy.
I felt so happy, because of the visit to my aunt's house. And i witnessed the power of motherly love today. I sort of gave up on Jody ( one of my cousins ) while teaching her this problem sum. I taught her like 5 times, the same questions, and her sister, Lynn, also helped her as well. We taught her so many times, yet she couldnt understand. And we were like, aiyah, dont know nevermind. We went off to slack. And i came back 10 minutes later to see my aunt trying to explain the same math problem to Jody.
She was kinda impatient, yet she didnt give up. IT made me feel guilty that i had been so impatient, and i was in awe of how persistent and determined she is to make her daughter understand. The power of motherly love.
Im indeed fazed by it.
To spoil these happy realizations, and my going to believe in happy endings those shit, i was hit by a sad news.
That is, my entire family will be going to Cebu, this kelong in malaysia, this coming sunday. I want so badly to go. But i wont.
There's just so much to do, priority given to the OSLE bukit timah trip proposal. The proposal has been thrown back, and the organising committee is already feeling quite demoralised by it, i cant leave. I have to stay and contribute, i have to.
So, its okays, i just hope my family members will take more pictures so that i can at least relive their happy moments through those pictures.
Though i'll never get to experience the real happy family moments shared there.
Im so sorry daddy.
Labels: Maybe we're trying, trying too hard.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
11:19 PM
Now that it's all said and done
Now that it's all said and done
I've heard about it. The scandal.
I really feel very bad for the guy, im sure whatever he has done, he'd done it for a reason, you know. And i think he is most probably set up. I dont believe that he is so gullible to actually do whatever he has done for nothing.
Yes, he must have been set up.
I just hope that he wont be so heavily punished, but from the looks of it, he is most probably going to be expelled.
Because NYJC- Nanyang Junior College- the principal and the whole entire fucking school is the type.
The type who's afraid that the students will tarnish their reputation, He can try hard to lie about saying its for the good of all NYJCians, but come on, fuck off man, all he cares about is whether what the student is doing, is it for the good of the school, and blah blah..
People in NYJC can be real hypocrites at times.
I do not tak back what i have said.
Anyway, I was uber late for Chinese lecture early in the orning. I was glad i wasnt scolded. I didnt really pay attention even when i was there. I was having a hard time trying to stay awake.
If you know me well enough, you'll know that im one thats never up for chinese lesson.
I didnt go to school today, and im feeling rather angry with myself!
I have got Biology olympiad today, yet i didnt go. I couldnt wake up, my entre body aches.
I cant believe that i couldnt wake up early in time, arggg, nevermind.
Well, im going off now. There are many things i'd love to type down, but sometimes, some things cannot be said.
Words unspoken may hurt, yet, we all know that some things are better left unspoken.
I really feel very bad for the guy, im sure whatever he has done, he'd done it for a reason, you know. And i think he is most probably set up. I dont believe that he is so gullible to actually do whatever he has done for nothing.
Yes, he must have been set up.
I just hope that he wont be so heavily punished, but from the looks of it, he is most probably going to be expelled.
Because NYJC- Nanyang Junior College- the principal and the whole entire fucking school is the type.
The type who's afraid that the students will tarnish their reputation, He can try hard to lie about saying its for the good of all NYJCians, but come on, fuck off man, all he cares about is whether what the student is doing, is it for the good of the school, and blah blah..
People in NYJC can be real hypocrites at times.
I do not tak back what i have said.
Anyway, I was uber late for Chinese lecture early in the orning. I was glad i wasnt scolded. I didnt really pay attention even when i was there. I was having a hard time trying to stay awake.
If you know me well enough, you'll know that im one thats never up for chinese lesson.
I didnt go to school today, and im feeling rather angry with myself!
I have got Biology olympiad today, yet i didnt go. I couldnt wake up, my entre body aches.
I cant believe that i couldnt wake up early in time, arggg, nevermind.
Well, im going off now. There are many things i'd love to type down, but sometimes, some things cannot be said.
Words unspoken may hurt, yet, we all know that some things are better left unspoken.
Labels: I've fell a thousand way too deep
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
3:13 AM
It has been the longest winter without you
It has been the longest winter without you
Everything will be better in time.
I'll stay strong, and take whatever that has happened, as lightly as a pinch of salt.
I am not afraid of obstacles.
With love,
eileen loo yi zhen
I'll stay strong, and take whatever that has happened, as lightly as a pinch of salt.
I am not afraid of obstacles.
With love,
eileen loo yi zhen
Labels: Facades
Monday, October 20, 2008
8:04 AM
How could this happen to me?
How could this happen to me?
How now brown cow
How now?
Why is it like that man?
I wish to blog so badly, so so badly about this, but i know i cannot.
I feel so tired, i had my three jabs in the afternoon.
And i've got a mild fever, i expected it to happen anyway, its always like this, i got a fever too when i had my typhoid two years ago. My arms ache, my head hurts and i have this @$%^*&%&%& problem.
Nevermind, i wanna go and sleep, but i cant.
Insensitivity,
):
How now?
Why is it like that man?
I wish to blog so badly, so so badly about this, but i know i cannot.
I feel so tired, i had my three jabs in the afternoon.
And i've got a mild fever, i expected it to happen anyway, its always like this, i got a fever too when i had my typhoid two years ago. My arms ache, my head hurts and i have this @$%^*&%&%& problem.
Nevermind, i wanna go and sleep, but i cant.
Insensitivity,
):
Labels: One man show?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
9:00 AM
To add to the bulk, the cherry right at the top
To add to the bulk, the cherry right at the top
I should put this up, if not the girls will start grumbling and grumbling and grumbling and.. well you get my drift.
Huiting and i.
So many years uhhs, forever okays.
Dont start wondering if im 5 or what. im 16.
Huiting is lousy with cameras!
Oh heres the tennis smile yet again!
Kudos to Mr Tennis! (:
Im beginning to like the tennis smile so much haha,
Huiting and i.
So many years uhhs, forever okays.
Dont start wondering if im 5 or what. im 16.
Huiting is lousy with cameras!
Oh heres the tennis smile yet again!
Kudos to Mr Tennis! (:
Im beginning to like the tennis smile so much haha,
Labels: I've eaten up all the words, what more now?
8:35 AM
If i could sleep through the cold nights,
If i could sleep through the cold nights,
Hello, i have had a really fruitful weekend!
On friday, i stayed back with the rest of the culture group and we did the cultural festival. Yihao was so not helpful, discarding our group and joining the other group in playing bridge. And i was arranged to pair up with JingChun for some stationing at the Eurasian Booth. Okay, nevermind. I reached home around, lemme think, uhh 915? Yeah, about that time. Though Yihao wasnt helpful that day, thanks to him and Daniel who walked me to the Serangoon MRT. (:
On saturday, there was OSLE sharing in the morning, and the bread tasted awful. But i shant complain as i have been trained well enough to know that food is very valuable, not monetary, but of course, tons of people out there might not even have bread to eat, so i gotta cherish. Well, there was this sort of game, whereby you are to paste a blank sheet of paper on your back and people will come around to write the positive things they think about you. I see alt of cute, pretty and nice, caring, clever and sweet, those words ( Other than Yuans' nonsense, who wrote "very tall" on my paper - sarcastic, and Yihao's "dudette"). This really made me feel that the world will be such a nice place if only positive words are given, and it is really easy for one to ladle out nice words to the others. Think about it. It is not hard to do so, because of course, the person have loadsa qualities that he/she possess, and it is really racking the brain to tink of bad things to say you know =/
The next game was thisrubber band and strings thing. It is regarding teamwork. My team was Rachael ( she was so cute, she kept laughing, making me giggle all the way, and couldnt concentrate), Careen ( seriously another looney, who kept laughing, and i kept laughing as well, stalker! ), Xinyi( the suggestions provider, she laughed alot too), Youyu ( the calm guy, who initiated meditating, lol) , and Daniel ( the thinker, and a source of constant frustration and impatience). This game was fun, and to me, it really doesnt matter who win or lose, because i really enjoyed it. And i know i can say this loud and clear that even if im on the losing team, i'll still enjoy it because of the laughter and the jokes. Thanks people! I hope nobody viewed the game as a competition within the group, because it is not!
Next, we were released and we- Rachael, Yihao, JingChun, Lu zhi, nicholas and i went to AMK hub. Then its left with Luzhi, Rach, Nic and i. We had lunch at the foodcourt - i had a really crunchy rock melon, i bought two, but gave one to Nic. It was so yummy i dont mind eating it for the whole day! Then we set of to Bukit Timah. It was a really fun day, a fun hike, with jokes, laughter, and sharing between Rachael and I. It was a sort of bonding which was so fun! After the hike, Nich, Rach and i took 74 back to Hougang ( not from Bukit Timah, but someplace else), the 74 bus was not air conditoned, and it was double decked! I was so shocked for i have never been on one before! It was so fun, the wind whipping against my face, so cooling!
I fell asleep on the bus, and woke up after Rach was alighting, felt so glad that i was able to, sort of say goodbye to her! Then i went to findnic to sit with him cuz the guy beside me was so weird, and i was so tired, plus i didnt know ehre i can alight. I fell asleep. When we reached, couldnt wake up. Nic said he called me so many times, but i still didnt respond (im not dead!). After nudging me, then did i wake up, and we rushed down the bus before the lights in the bus were off. Phew. I was still in the sleeping, and not yet awoke mood. I had to practically drag my feet to shove forward so i could continue walking. And the sad thing? i couldnt remember where i took bus 87 from! Nic went to ask someone, i think the bus officers, for help, and we found the bus stop. Thanks so much, and i was so tired man. I took bus 87, and he had to walk hom from Hougang interchange.
I fell asleep on the bus, and awoke just in time to se the bus turning into my stop. Ran down the bus, and was surprised that i didnt trip and make a fool out of myself.
I went to bed early.
Today was a crappy day. Nic was right, my entire body ache, but nonetheles, i woke up at 8 just to go to Yemin house for OP. Damn that ass man, we all reached his house's bus stop, and we called him tons of times, but he didnt pick up! So, marven, z-win and i decided to go to AMK mac for OP. We reached there and they had their meals while i had my ice cream, i cant seem to survive without ice cream! Then that donkey ( yemin) had to call and apologise because he didnt realise that his phone wasnt plugged in, and thats why he couldnt hear it ringing! He told us to cab to his house, and that he'd pay for the fare. YAY!
His house is alright, just kinda ulu, and you have those People staring at you, goring their eyes right at you as you walk past them, especially the way they leer. Disgusting. Am really thankful to him for walking me to the bus stop. Dont you all dare think Yemin is a lousy person! He is totally not, he is kinda nice in a way, he even plucked out a jasmine from his neighbour's plants ( i think his neighbours doesnt know) and gave it to me. It was super sweet smelling, and we were crazy enough to chew the petals, and realised how bitter it is!
I reached home at around 10, i bathed, and will now have my dinner, ( daddy steamed crabs for me!) Thanks! (:
See you guys tomorrow, and yeahs, 3 jabs in for me tomorrow- vaccines. I hope i wont panick last minute!
Goodnight.
If i should stay, i will only be in your way
On friday, i stayed back with the rest of the culture group and we did the cultural festival. Yihao was so not helpful, discarding our group and joining the other group in playing bridge. And i was arranged to pair up with JingChun for some stationing at the Eurasian Booth. Okay, nevermind. I reached home around, lemme think, uhh 915? Yeah, about that time. Though Yihao wasnt helpful that day, thanks to him and Daniel who walked me to the Serangoon MRT. (:
On saturday, there was OSLE sharing in the morning, and the bread tasted awful. But i shant complain as i have been trained well enough to know that food is very valuable, not monetary, but of course, tons of people out there might not even have bread to eat, so i gotta cherish. Well, there was this sort of game, whereby you are to paste a blank sheet of paper on your back and people will come around to write the positive things they think about you. I see alt of cute, pretty and nice, caring, clever and sweet, those words ( Other than Yuans' nonsense, who wrote "very tall" on my paper - sarcastic, and Yihao's "dudette"). This really made me feel that the world will be such a nice place if only positive words are given, and it is really easy for one to ladle out nice words to the others. Think about it. It is not hard to do so, because of course, the person have loadsa qualities that he/she possess, and it is really racking the brain to tink of bad things to say you know =/
The next game was thisrubber band and strings thing. It is regarding teamwork. My team was Rachael ( she was so cute, she kept laughing, making me giggle all the way, and couldnt concentrate), Careen ( seriously another looney, who kept laughing, and i kept laughing as well, stalker! ), Xinyi( the suggestions provider, she laughed alot too), Youyu ( the calm guy, who initiated meditating, lol) , and Daniel ( the thinker, and a source of constant frustration and impatience). This game was fun, and to me, it really doesnt matter who win or lose, because i really enjoyed it. And i know i can say this loud and clear that even if im on the losing team, i'll still enjoy it because of the laughter and the jokes. Thanks people! I hope nobody viewed the game as a competition within the group, because it is not!
Next, we were released and we- Rachael, Yihao, JingChun, Lu zhi, nicholas and i went to AMK hub. Then its left with Luzhi, Rach, Nic and i. We had lunch at the foodcourt - i had a really crunchy rock melon, i bought two, but gave one to Nic. It was so yummy i dont mind eating it for the whole day! Then we set of to Bukit Timah. It was a really fun day, a fun hike, with jokes, laughter, and sharing between Rachael and I. It was a sort of bonding which was so fun! After the hike, Nich, Rach and i took 74 back to Hougang ( not from Bukit Timah, but someplace else), the 74 bus was not air conditoned, and it was double decked! I was so shocked for i have never been on one before! It was so fun, the wind whipping against my face, so cooling!
I fell asleep on the bus, and woke up after Rach was alighting, felt so glad that i was able to, sort of say goodbye to her! Then i went to findnic to sit with him cuz the guy beside me was so weird, and i was so tired, plus i didnt know ehre i can alight. I fell asleep. When we reached, couldnt wake up. Nic said he called me so many times, but i still didnt respond (im not dead!). After nudging me, then did i wake up, and we rushed down the bus before the lights in the bus were off. Phew. I was still in the sleeping, and not yet awoke mood. I had to practically drag my feet to shove forward so i could continue walking. And the sad thing? i couldnt remember where i took bus 87 from! Nic went to ask someone, i think the bus officers, for help, and we found the bus stop. Thanks so much, and i was so tired man. I took bus 87, and he had to walk hom from Hougang interchange.
I fell asleep on the bus, and awoke just in time to se the bus turning into my stop. Ran down the bus, and was surprised that i didnt trip and make a fool out of myself.
I went to bed early.
Today was a crappy day. Nic was right, my entire body ache, but nonetheles, i woke up at 8 just to go to Yemin house for OP. Damn that ass man, we all reached his house's bus stop, and we called him tons of times, but he didnt pick up! So, marven, z-win and i decided to go to AMK mac for OP. We reached there and they had their meals while i had my ice cream, i cant seem to survive without ice cream! Then that donkey ( yemin) had to call and apologise because he didnt realise that his phone wasnt plugged in, and thats why he couldnt hear it ringing! He told us to cab to his house, and that he'd pay for the fare. YAY!
His house is alright, just kinda ulu, and you have those People staring at you, goring their eyes right at you as you walk past them, especially the way they leer. Disgusting. Am really thankful to him for walking me to the bus stop. Dont you all dare think Yemin is a lousy person! He is totally not, he is kinda nice in a way, he even plucked out a jasmine from his neighbour's plants ( i think his neighbours doesnt know) and gave it to me. It was super sweet smelling, and we were crazy enough to chew the petals, and realised how bitter it is!
I reached home at around 10, i bathed, and will now have my dinner, ( daddy steamed crabs for me!) Thanks! (:
See you guys tomorrow, and yeahs, 3 jabs in for me tomorrow- vaccines. I hope i wont panick last minute!
Goodnight.
If i should stay, i will only be in your way
Labels: But on top of all these, i wish you'd love.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
10:42 PM
I've never been to me.
I've never been to me.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i wish im not me.
Sometimes,no, most of the times, i wish im better.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i feel that im not good enough.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i hope i can make myself better.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i wish i can have the wishes i wish for.
Seems ridiculous, or corny, or cheesy.
Because i always tell people im happy to be me.
I dont know anything, i just feel im never good enough for anyone, not in terms of studies, but everything.
I think my self esteem is damn low.
I just wanna say, im really sad now, and i know the reason why im sad, but im just pretending to be happy, because im in yemin's house doing op, and i dont wanna let them know im sad.
Not because of yemin, but.. i know what it is im sad about.
Sad,
Sometimes,no, most of the times, i wish im better.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i feel that im not good enough.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i hope i can make myself better.
Sometimes, no, most of the times, i wish i can have the wishes i wish for.
Seems ridiculous, or corny, or cheesy.
Because i always tell people im happy to be me.
I dont know anything, i just feel im never good enough for anyone, not in terms of studies, but everything.
I think my self esteem is damn low.
I just wanna say, im really sad now, and i know the reason why im sad, but im just pretending to be happy, because im in yemin's house doing op, and i dont wanna let them know im sad.
Not because of yemin, but.. i know what it is im sad about.
Sad,
6:14 AM
It's all about you.
It's all about you.
Hey there. Im gonna make this a really short post since im really very tired. Basically, we had OSLE sharing session today, and half the time i was spacing out due to exhaustion. We played quite a number of games which really cheered me up, yet, i stll felt the lethargy. Sleeping at 2 plus, and waking up at a mere 530 cant make you anymore a happier person, right?
Well, after that, we had the recce trip to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, it was really beautiful, i love it, it was also a really funny trip, because we joked and im so happy that some people appreciated my sandwiches, though someone didnt eat it.
It was a fun fun trip, and im feeling so exhausted now, because i took 74 with Nic and Rach, and thanks to Nic for being kind enough to walk me to Hougang mall there, with the bus interchange. Thank You.
We were allowed to choose our rooms today, sort of like, dorms you know. There are an odd number of girls, and i know i cant tear Sherlyn andyuans up, because i know myself. Im those, outgoing kind that can hit up with anyone real fast provided they dont prick my nerves. Whereas i know sher's very quiet, and so is Yuans, in OSLE. So, im waiting to see if i can share a room with Miss Megan, cuz that will be real cool man, considering she have lived in Taiwan and has this really sweet accent that i dont mind listening to for hours. I hope Yuans and Sher are not feeling sad or what over this, because, comeon, haha, we are still able to be in the trip together alright!
Happy and sad, happy because today was swell, was fantastic, and sad because...
i wish..
I know it is not possible,
The beautiful quarry in the park in bukit timah reserve, cant remember the name, awesome man.
Eileen and Rachael, she is so sweet!
Nicholas and i, he didnt smile! (:
Im going to sleep, i wanna have sweet dreams because only in dreams can i have...
Well, after that, we had the recce trip to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, it was really beautiful, i love it, it was also a really funny trip, because we joked and im so happy that some people appreciated my sandwiches, though someone didnt eat it.
It was a fun fun trip, and im feeling so exhausted now, because i took 74 with Nic and Rach, and thanks to Nic for being kind enough to walk me to Hougang mall there, with the bus interchange. Thank You.
We were allowed to choose our rooms today, sort of like, dorms you know. There are an odd number of girls, and i know i cant tear Sherlyn andyuans up, because i know myself. Im those, outgoing kind that can hit up with anyone real fast provided they dont prick my nerves. Whereas i know sher's very quiet, and so is Yuans, in OSLE. So, im waiting to see if i can share a room with Miss Megan, cuz that will be real cool man, considering she have lived in Taiwan and has this really sweet accent that i dont mind listening to for hours. I hope Yuans and Sher are not feeling sad or what over this, because, comeon, haha, we are still able to be in the trip together alright!
Happy and sad, happy because today was swell, was fantastic, and sad because...
i wish..
I know it is not possible,
The beautiful quarry in the park in bukit timah reserve, cant remember the name, awesome man.
Eileen and Rachael, she is so sweet!
Nicholas and i, he didnt smile! (:
Im going to sleep, i wanna have sweet dreams because only in dreams can i have...
Labels: YOU.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
3:08 AM
Nothing, nobody
Nothing, nobody
Eileen tells rasina she is lke super sad.
Rasina says : Hug the bear from someone that says someone loves you, you might feel better,
I guess you know me best girl, for you can read my mind exactly.
Tatty is the most comforting companion ever;
Rasina says : Hug the bear from someone that says someone loves you, you might feel better,
I guess you know me best girl, for you can read my mind exactly.
Tatty is the most comforting companion ever;
Labels: Only you.
2:24 AM
Boston - Augustana
Boston - Augustana
Lyrics:
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.
Eileen Loo Yi Zhen
Labels: totally depicts my feelings
1:53 AM
Shut up shut up shut up, dont wanna hear it.
Shut up shut up shut up, dont wanna hear it.
Results today. Did i do well? Did i improve? Is this my best?
If all you wanna know is how much i get for anything, and if you're better than me, Fuck off right now. yes, fuck off.
Did i feel that i have done well?
Yes, Initially
" Did you get any As?"
No.
" what the hell, what have you been doing all along in this JC?"
- Lian huiting.
Why do i care about what she'd said? Afterall, as long as im happy, it doesnt matter right?
Wrong.
Why had i care? Why do i care? Why am i so terribly crushed?
Because huiting's a best friend.
But friends will never say something like that to hurt you.
Or will they?
How could she? I tried my best, okay face it, im facing it. I dont have wits, and i dont have brains. I dont have anything, Im nothing. I am a fiasco. You're right. I dont know what im doing in the JC all along. What have i been doing? You're like a reminder, like the parallel after mid years, when mdm tan came to me and told me my results sucks even when i havent gotten any U's. Great, thanks.
Why did i let her affect me? Because she's just a best friend. I dont know why you told me that. It hurts me alot, a great deal. a damn great deal. You all dont understand. And to think, i used to help her in secondary school with her english, and spoke to them all the time, in english just so they could pass.
I feel so hurt, even right now as i typed this. My mind's in a turmoil, and even though i had on earphones, and songs were blaring through, i couldnt hear any of them. The turmoil, the chaos in my mind, it was so damn great a deal that it consumed me. You all have no idea.
It's not just because she's a best friend. It affected me because i have always have a low confidence of myself. I always dont feel that im good, im always not good enough. In fact, im never good enough at all. No matter how hard i tried for my exams, others could do it with their eyes closed, and still have the same grades. Im not complaining, i think my diligence is a great value, but lets face the truth, i dont have the wits, i dont have the brains. I cant do this, i cant do that, what am i good in?
Nothing.
The turmoil in my mind was so great that i walked across the carpark and didnt hear the honk coming at me. Only after i crossed the road did i hear the person on the bike shouting at me. The normal me will definitely retort, or do something to fight for myself. but i just kept quiet and walked away even when the man was still shouting..
Do you know, that my maths and GP are already demoralizing me? Huiting, why do you have to rub it in? Why are you making me feel, or rather, why are you making me realise that i have no forte, no strengths at all? Why are you reminding me that im good at nothing? I know i cant be on par as you, in fact, i have never did. but, why do you have to do this?
You have no idea i was deeply impacted. You could still laugh. And i didnt say anything, and continued to joke as though nothing happened. You made me put on the same stinking fucking facade that i promised never to put on ever again. I didnt want you to feel bad that you had enlightened me about my weaknesses. I had to joke, and laugh and pretend. I hate it, i fucking hate it.
Dont compare with me, i really hate to have people comparing with me.
I fucking hate it.
Fucking fucking fucking hate it.
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking detest it.
And dont any of you say that i have nothing to worry about because i dont have to retain.
Come on, i have my expectations, i have hopes, because i had studied.
So stop comparing.
If you're raised up in the kind of environment where all you do is be hypocritical, and show me concern just to ask me my grades to compare with me, and gloat over my stupidity, then fuck off.
I do not have to comparw with you. I do not need you to gauge how good or bad i am.
Please dont be another hui ting, because words hurt as much as any goddamn guns.
I didnt tell anyone any of these in school. I kept quiet, and joked laughed blah blah. All these is tiring me out.
You know, i learnt something new today.
People are realistic, and self centred. They are insensitive. They may get good grades and start gloating, thus neglecting that around them, some people are simply too traumatized, too sad. Open your eyes, the world does not revolve only around you.
I have lost all my energy, and my mind's floating in abyss.
I have no speech, for emotions have completely rid me of it.
Dont ask me for my grades, for if i want to tell you, i already have.
fuck all these shit. fuck fuck fuck. Just a few days ago, i told mom i wont be bothered by my results no matter what.
Why am i hit with this realization.
Rhetoric for i couldnt answer that. Great monologue im conducting here, although it doesnt seem to ease me of any sadness.
wont cry, but its a wonder how easily tears slip, even without you realising.
Yemin, your expectation was to just promote. Do you even know of my expectations?
Everybody's words hurt alot. Whatever you guys said today are deeply etched in my mind, although im grateful to LeeChia and Sher for the mental support, and those minutes of silence for me to shrink behind the facade and let myself bleed a little.
Thanks to gavin also, for when those words hit me, you were there to give me support. Im great you're my cousin in this whole big school, where i dont, and never will, belong.
If all you wanna know is how much i get for anything, and if you're better than me, Fuck off right now. yes, fuck off.
Did i feel that i have done well?
Yes, Initially
" Did you get any As?"
No.
" what the hell, what have you been doing all along in this JC?"
- Lian huiting.
Why do i care about what she'd said? Afterall, as long as im happy, it doesnt matter right?
Wrong.
Why had i care? Why do i care? Why am i so terribly crushed?
Because huiting's a best friend.
But friends will never say something like that to hurt you.
Or will they?
How could she? I tried my best, okay face it, im facing it. I dont have wits, and i dont have brains. I dont have anything, Im nothing. I am a fiasco. You're right. I dont know what im doing in the JC all along. What have i been doing? You're like a reminder, like the parallel after mid years, when mdm tan came to me and told me my results sucks even when i havent gotten any U's. Great, thanks.
Why did i let her affect me? Because she's just a best friend. I dont know why you told me that. It hurts me alot, a great deal. a damn great deal. You all dont understand. And to think, i used to help her in secondary school with her english, and spoke to them all the time, in english just so they could pass.
I feel so hurt, even right now as i typed this. My mind's in a turmoil, and even though i had on earphones, and songs were blaring through, i couldnt hear any of them. The turmoil, the chaos in my mind, it was so damn great a deal that it consumed me. You all have no idea.
It's not just because she's a best friend. It affected me because i have always have a low confidence of myself. I always dont feel that im good, im always not good enough. In fact, im never good enough at all. No matter how hard i tried for my exams, others could do it with their eyes closed, and still have the same grades. Im not complaining, i think my diligence is a great value, but lets face the truth, i dont have the wits, i dont have the brains. I cant do this, i cant do that, what am i good in?
Nothing.
The turmoil in my mind was so great that i walked across the carpark and didnt hear the honk coming at me. Only after i crossed the road did i hear the person on the bike shouting at me. The normal me will definitely retort, or do something to fight for myself. but i just kept quiet and walked away even when the man was still shouting..
Do you know, that my maths and GP are already demoralizing me? Huiting, why do you have to rub it in? Why are you making me feel, or rather, why are you making me realise that i have no forte, no strengths at all? Why are you reminding me that im good at nothing? I know i cant be on par as you, in fact, i have never did. but, why do you have to do this?
You have no idea i was deeply impacted. You could still laugh. And i didnt say anything, and continued to joke as though nothing happened. You made me put on the same stinking fucking facade that i promised never to put on ever again. I didnt want you to feel bad that you had enlightened me about my weaknesses. I had to joke, and laugh and pretend. I hate it, i fucking hate it.
Dont compare with me, i really hate to have people comparing with me.
I fucking hate it.
Fucking fucking fucking hate it.
fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking detest it.
And dont any of you say that i have nothing to worry about because i dont have to retain.
Come on, i have my expectations, i have hopes, because i had studied.
So stop comparing.
If you're raised up in the kind of environment where all you do is be hypocritical, and show me concern just to ask me my grades to compare with me, and gloat over my stupidity, then fuck off.
I do not have to comparw with you. I do not need you to gauge how good or bad i am.
Please dont be another hui ting, because words hurt as much as any goddamn guns.
I didnt tell anyone any of these in school. I kept quiet, and joked laughed blah blah. All these is tiring me out.
You know, i learnt something new today.
People are realistic, and self centred. They are insensitive. They may get good grades and start gloating, thus neglecting that around them, some people are simply too traumatized, too sad. Open your eyes, the world does not revolve only around you.
I have lost all my energy, and my mind's floating in abyss.
I have no speech, for emotions have completely rid me of it.
Dont ask me for my grades, for if i want to tell you, i already have.
fuck all these shit. fuck fuck fuck. Just a few days ago, i told mom i wont be bothered by my results no matter what.
Why am i hit with this realization.
Rhetoric for i couldnt answer that. Great monologue im conducting here, although it doesnt seem to ease me of any sadness.
wont cry, but its a wonder how easily tears slip, even without you realising.
Yemin, your expectation was to just promote. Do you even know of my expectations?
Everybody's words hurt alot. Whatever you guys said today are deeply etched in my mind, although im grateful to LeeChia and Sher for the mental support, and those minutes of silence for me to shrink behind the facade and let myself bleed a little.
Thanks to gavin also, for when those words hit me, you were there to give me support. Im great you're my cousin in this whole big school, where i dont, and never will, belong.
Labels: you dont know me.
Monday, October 13, 2008
4:53 AM
Just wanna say, i thought of you today.
Just wanna say, i thought of you today.
Today, i was in a very bad mood, i was very sad. I have no idea why. It's not because i dont have to work for the scooter job already, initially, i was like wtf, but after that, i felt this tinge of relief. Relief probably because im so harboring the thought that the job might be a hoax and mom's been warning me against it. So, its okay, i dont blame yuanxin either.
Today was just a sad and tiring day.
I fell asleep on the bus. Then i alighted and bought myself a chocolate bar for lunch. I thought chocolates can make me feel happy, but rasina, it doesnt now. apparently not. I don not feel any happier after i ate the entire deck of chocolate.
I felt tired. So tired, i went to sleep.
I dont know why im feeling so angry or sad or what you called today. I didnt talk much, it was just PW.
When i received my biology paper, i saw that i had a 61/100. I felt a little happy, as even without the MCQ, i have already gotten a B. My MCQ was like 34/40. not good, but i cant really bother. Adding up and all, the overall score for promotional biology was 68.2. I almost made it to A, but i didnt.
But it doesnt matter. Biology doesnt matter.
nothing matters.
what's wrong with me now?
Clever are those who see the stupid in themselves - eileen loo.
Today was just a sad and tiring day.
I fell asleep on the bus. Then i alighted and bought myself a chocolate bar for lunch. I thought chocolates can make me feel happy, but rasina, it doesnt now. apparently not. I don not feel any happier after i ate the entire deck of chocolate.
I felt tired. So tired, i went to sleep.
I dont know why im feeling so angry or sad or what you called today. I didnt talk much, it was just PW.
When i received my biology paper, i saw that i had a 61/100. I felt a little happy, as even without the MCQ, i have already gotten a B. My MCQ was like 34/40. not good, but i cant really bother. Adding up and all, the overall score for promotional biology was 68.2. I almost made it to A, but i didnt.
But it doesnt matter. Biology doesnt matter.
nothing matters.
what's wrong with me now?
Clever are those who see the stupid in themselves - eileen loo.
Labels: why cant it be so.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
8:09 AM
How now brown cow
How now brown cow
I woke up bright and early, well, not exactly bright, but yeah, early. I went all the way to bishan library to meet up with the OSLE culture group, and we discussed about the cultural carnival to be held there. It was, i cant say its boring, but i felt quite sleepy, i kepy yanwing and yawning, and there are always tears in my eyes! ( i always think its funny whenever i have tears in my eyes ). So, yeahs, discuss discuss, then went to Junction 8, and liying had her lunch.
She had beef noodles, well, i've never taken beef in my entire life, and she told me the beef noodles in singapore are not nice at all as compared to that in, i think China. We walked around Junction 8 till jingchun came, and then those guys went to do something else, as liying and i headed back to the library. I went back there as i had to wait for my dad to fetch me, while liying went back there to finish up her book on P.S. I love you.
Daniel tagged along, and bless his soul. At least i have a companion to chat with. we shared many stuffs, and lol, our fathers asked to fetch us at the same time. Then we walked around the bus interchange, and we saw jingchun, yihao and the guys again! They thought we were up to some hanky panky. Thanks dan for the company.
Had lunch with my fanily, and then i went back home to sleep. all the way till dinnertime, when i had dinner, and then here, blogging. Oh my, i sound like a pig. No, i dont have no snout, nor piggy tail. I just live like one, sadly.
I am so hooked onto the novel - the little lady agency. It;s a fat book, but im glad for its thickness for i need something to save me from boredom rigth now.
PW, i have to jiayou, so dont worry PW mates, we will try our best.
If i have to pass a day, i rather smile than cry.
For i can draw a happy face as easily as i pinch my nose.
She had beef noodles, well, i've never taken beef in my entire life, and she told me the beef noodles in singapore are not nice at all as compared to that in, i think China. We walked around Junction 8 till jingchun came, and then those guys went to do something else, as liying and i headed back to the library. I went back there as i had to wait for my dad to fetch me, while liying went back there to finish up her book on P.S. I love you.
Daniel tagged along, and bless his soul. At least i have a companion to chat with. we shared many stuffs, and lol, our fathers asked to fetch us at the same time. Then we walked around the bus interchange, and we saw jingchun, yihao and the guys again! They thought we were up to some hanky panky. Thanks dan for the company.
Had lunch with my fanily, and then i went back home to sleep. all the way till dinnertime, when i had dinner, and then here, blogging. Oh my, i sound like a pig. No, i dont have no snout, nor piggy tail. I just live like one, sadly.
I am so hooked onto the novel - the little lady agency. It;s a fat book, but im glad for its thickness for i need something to save me from boredom rigth now.
PW, i have to jiayou, so dont worry PW mates, we will try our best.
If i have to pass a day, i rather smile than cry.
For i can draw a happy face as easily as i pinch my nose.
Labels: A lopsided grin
Saturday, October 11, 2008
6:54 AM
let the good times roll.
let the good times roll.
Uh, hi.
I feel so bored right now, so i thought i might as well do some blogging. Today, i was supposed to meet the clique, damaian clique at 12, at bugis. Im so sorry guys, really. I woke up at 1215, and was like uh oh, super late. I reached there at 115, really sorry to make you guys wait for me for so long! =X afterwhich we had lunch, and walked around. Then we went to clarke quay for my job briefing. I met up with Yuanxin, while Gavin, Pei yan and rasina hung out at Starbucks! So not fair, they were able to get themselves frappe while i had to listen to a boring briefing.
That was what i felt initially, but not anymore.
We met up with the employer, sally, and went up to the Office in the central mall in Clarke quay. We were briefed by this German guy, whatshisname. I cant remember. Basically, my job is to promote and introduce this scooter to the market. This scooter need not require any petrol or wahtnot, it is chargeable and you can just plug it into the mains or something and charge it. It can also use energy from the sun i.e. solar. But to me, its kinda expensive, it being sold at a retail price of 6500$ without COE. There are like 7 colours, ( oops, am i actually introducing this product to you? ). Okay, screw the colours part.
I was so amazed by the scooter, it didnt feel boring. I was pretty fascinated. I was like, " what happens if you dont charge it? And then you're out on the streets, when it runs out of energy? "
The guy said, its similar to a mobile phone, if you dont charge it, it dies on you.
Pretty inconvenient too huh?
We'll each be assigned a scooter at a designated location, but we're not able to ride it or what. Though we can sit on it! I love the green scooter! It looks so lovely. This scooter is the first scooter to run on solar power or electricity and not petrol! It's environmentally friendly!
After the briefing, i met up with the clique again ( thanks for waiting for me ) , then we walked from Clarke Quay to Suntec, and almost got lost along the way! We had dinner then went home.
I've been walking so much recently, it was so fun yet tiring me out. Im off now, i'll do some research on the racial groups in singapore for the osle trip, then im off to sleep.
Goodnight people.
Creative right?
Oh, hehhehs, way back then.
I was wearing the damaian tee.
Pugilistic, the J1s, excluding Sina.
Sometimes, you just have to let loose a little, and go wild a little, then will you see the meaning to life as you simply just enjoy the little things you have in life ; yes , im a simpleton.
I feel so bored right now, so i thought i might as well do some blogging. Today, i was supposed to meet the clique, damaian clique at 12, at bugis. Im so sorry guys, really. I woke up at 1215, and was like uh oh, super late. I reached there at 115, really sorry to make you guys wait for me for so long! =X afterwhich we had lunch, and walked around. Then we went to clarke quay for my job briefing. I met up with Yuanxin, while Gavin, Pei yan and rasina hung out at Starbucks! So not fair, they were able to get themselves frappe while i had to listen to a boring briefing.
That was what i felt initially, but not anymore.
We met up with the employer, sally, and went up to the Office in the central mall in Clarke quay. We were briefed by this German guy, whatshisname. I cant remember. Basically, my job is to promote and introduce this scooter to the market. This scooter need not require any petrol or wahtnot, it is chargeable and you can just plug it into the mains or something and charge it. It can also use energy from the sun i.e. solar. But to me, its kinda expensive, it being sold at a retail price of 6500$ without COE. There are like 7 colours, ( oops, am i actually introducing this product to you? ). Okay, screw the colours part.
I was so amazed by the scooter, it didnt feel boring. I was pretty fascinated. I was like, " what happens if you dont charge it? And then you're out on the streets, when it runs out of energy? "
The guy said, its similar to a mobile phone, if you dont charge it, it dies on you.
Pretty inconvenient too huh?
We'll each be assigned a scooter at a designated location, but we're not able to ride it or what. Though we can sit on it! I love the green scooter! It looks so lovely. This scooter is the first scooter to run on solar power or electricity and not petrol! It's environmentally friendly!
After the briefing, i met up with the clique again ( thanks for waiting for me ) , then we walked from Clarke Quay to Suntec, and almost got lost along the way! We had dinner then went home.
I've been walking so much recently, it was so fun yet tiring me out. Im off now, i'll do some research on the racial groups in singapore for the osle trip, then im off to sleep.
Goodnight people.
Creative right?
Oh, hehhehs, way back then.
I was wearing the damaian tee.
Pugilistic, the J1s, excluding Sina.
Sometimes, you just have to let loose a little, and go wild a little, then will you see the meaning to life as you simply just enjoy the little things you have in life ; yes , im a simpleton.
Friday, October 10, 2008
10:00 AM
Hesperus, what makes you different from the rest?
Hesperus, what makes you different from the rest?
Hello, im blogging again, but not much though. It's just gonna be a short one, then im so tired, im off to bed. Uhhh, most of them are photos, and besides, i dont really have the mood to post now. I just wanted to share something nice, its just, i've been chosen to participate in the Biology olympiad, and Mr Neo said my biology promos was not too bad too. Thats something happy for the day, other than that, school was boring as heck today. Im developing a habit of thinking which days i can pon school and all. I seriously cant be bothered, and yihao, im just as hopeless as you. So, let the photos do the talking.
The 3 following photos are taken when i went out with yuans. Will post more later i guess.
Hi.
I love this expression. Shake my world,
The tennis smiles (: HAHA, smile without your eyes babe.
Today, after school, i met up with wei ling and huiting. We wanted to shoot hoops. In the end, we ended up eating icecreams, and playing at the playgrounds due to the insufficiency of basketball courts. I had fun at wei ling's house too, havent caught up with her for quite some time, thanks girls (: Huiting owes me $2.50.
Im not a pro at it, but i do enjoy playing it.
From young, primary school till now,
may our friendship last, for many years to come;
Wei ling
Just part of the mundane people, a part of something, a crowd i dont even know if i should belong, or if i even belong.
The 3 following photos are taken when i went out with yuans. Will post more later i guess.
Hi.
I love this expression. Shake my world,
The tennis smiles (: HAHA, smile without your eyes babe.
Today, after school, i met up with wei ling and huiting. We wanted to shoot hoops. In the end, we ended up eating icecreams, and playing at the playgrounds due to the insufficiency of basketball courts. I had fun at wei ling's house too, havent caught up with her for quite some time, thanks girls (: Huiting owes me $2.50.
Im not a pro at it, but i do enjoy playing it.
From young, primary school till now,
may our friendship last, for many years to come;
Wei ling
Just part of the mundane people, a part of something, a crowd i dont even know if i should belong, or if i even belong.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
10:47 PM
You cant see my visage in my mind
You cant see my visage in my mind
Oh, hello. I didnt update yesterday, felt super lazy, and super tired. Woke up bright and early, and afterwards, met Yuans at the airport. We talked nonsense, and she went and had her lunch at Burgerking. Then we went to golden mile for the job interview. We were so scared cuz the place was so damn 'ulu' , and we got lost. Then somehow, one way or the other, we found the place, and had the job interview. It went okay, i didnt have much to say, and i didnt really bother to elaborate on anything. Nonetheless, she rang yunas today and told her both of us got the job. It was an effortless attempt that landed me swiftly on a land carrack. Okay, joking. Yay, i can earn money now, and spend my weekends fruitfully, i hope. So, after the interview, we went to Bugis, then walked around, then went to city hall, walked walked, to marina square, where yuans went so mad she went on a funny shopping spree. And her shoes, sorta had a hole in one of them. I laughed so madly, and we went to get her a new pair of shoes, then we walked to Esplanade, then to the Fullerton Hotel there, then back to City Hall, then to Raffles Place for dinner. Took the mrt to Eunos, alighted, and then took 60 back home. It was a walking walking walking walking and walking day. I felt super duper tired and my everywhere hurts. HAHA, dont really have the photos we took yesterday, but i have a few of them, just too lazy to post. Will post them soon, see you guys around. Let me just go and slack my days away.
Seee, im so tall!
(: smiles*
Anyways, daniel said he's gonna treat me to a movie, but im not going in the end. i feel so lazy to go all the way to AMK, plus, im never gonna make it in time. Sorry.
Seee, im so tall!
(: smiles*
Anyways, daniel said he's gonna treat me to a movie, but im not going in the end. i feel so lazy to go all the way to AMK, plus, im never gonna make it in time. Sorry.
Labels: im smiling, OMG
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
6:56 AM
Grrr, vent.
Grrr, vent.
I played with the fat man and the water tub. Those online games whereby you hit some handle then the fat man falls into the goddamn tub. I hit the handle for 20 times, and i didnt feel any much better. I played another one whereby you can just bash the man's face again and again and he'll get all sort of bruises and he'll starts to bleed. I dont feel any better.
Dad shared half a bottle of beer with me. Actually, people who drink are not bad people. It's just an interest, afterall beer is made of what, i dont know, or is it wine's made of grapes? Heck man, i cant be bothered. It's kinda yummy, and for a moment, i feel sufficient, and i dont wanna do no bashing nor throwing no men into whatever wooden tubs.
Yummy beer.
I wonder how long this feeling will last.
Dad shared half a bottle of beer with me. Actually, people who drink are not bad people. It's just an interest, afterall beer is made of what, i dont know, or is it wine's made of grapes? Heck man, i cant be bothered. It's kinda yummy, and for a moment, i feel sufficient, and i dont wanna do no bashing nor throwing no men into whatever wooden tubs.
Yummy beer.
I wonder how long this feeling will last.
5:13 AM
Paint a smiley face, and pin it on a rainbow.
Paint a smiley face, and pin it on a rainbow.
I am very happy, i truly am. Because i have completed my promotional exams. I do not bother about my results anymore, i have given my best. Whatever that happens, i will be ready for it. Like the Murphy's law, or something like that, whatever can go wrong, can go wrong. So, leave the rest to fate. Im washing my hands clean off this entire issue. I will do project work, i will have fun, and i will be happy. I am in a daze, i dont have what i should continue with, gotta snap out of my daze pretty please.
So what I've got a short attention span
A coke in my hand
Because I'd rather have the afternoon, relax and understand
My hip hop and flip-flops well it don't stop with the light rock
A shot to mock you kinda puts me in the tight spot
The hype is nothing more than hoo-ha so I'm
Developing a language and I'm callin' it my own
So take a peek into the speaker and you'll see what I mean
That on the other side the grass is greener..
So what I've got a short attention span
A coke in my hand
Because I'd rather have the afternoon, relax and understand
My hip hop and flip-flops well it don't stop with the light rock
A shot to mock you kinda puts me in the tight spot
The hype is nothing more than hoo-ha so I'm
Developing a language and I'm callin' it my own
So take a peek into the speaker and you'll see what I mean
That on the other side the grass is greener..
Labels: From zero to hero
Monday, October 6, 2008
4:45 AM
Hey, rise and shine, sleepyhead.
Hey, rise and shine, sleepyhead.
Today was biology paper 1, and i think the paper was a little bit on the tough side. I almost didnt have time to finish shading my little ovals. Sher and yuans as well as many others say its just memorising the TYS answers. I didnt know, well, you can say im lazy because i did only, 2007, 2006, and 2005 papers. Lets not talk about it any further, we're done with the paper, and we move on.
Tomorrow i'll be having literature and chemistry ( paper 1).
I dont know how to prepare myself for literature. People think literature is easy because it is an open book exam. Well, You Are Wrong. You cant just copy answers from the book, because there are no answers, besides, yu really gotta write your answers based on question requirements. To top it off, there is almost always never a fixed/standard answer for literature. So, im crossing my fingers for some miracle. Im done with underlining all the important lines in the book, and i know not what i still have to do. Except, well, i still have chemistry.
I HATE CHEMISTRY RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Give me biology or what, i still love it. Chemistry? No thank you.
But i gotta do something about it, like practise some papers, cuz i didnt even touch chemistry! And tomorrow will be the last day of promos already, last day so much jiayou, right? Like what Yihao says, tomorrow will be party hats and fireworks ( exaggerated ). But yeah, quite true.
I just hope i wont get the same feeling i felt when i had finished my biology paper and i did not feel any empowering sense of euphoria.
Happy last day of promos, and oh yeahs, Andy will be having his promos tomorrow.
Good luck, from a panda clown.
Jiayouuu =
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again..
Tomorrow i'll be having literature and chemistry ( paper 1).
I dont know how to prepare myself for literature. People think literature is easy because it is an open book exam. Well, You Are Wrong. You cant just copy answers from the book, because there are no answers, besides, yu really gotta write your answers based on question requirements. To top it off, there is almost always never a fixed/standard answer for literature. So, im crossing my fingers for some miracle. Im done with underlining all the important lines in the book, and i know not what i still have to do. Except, well, i still have chemistry.
I HATE CHEMISTRY RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Give me biology or what, i still love it. Chemistry? No thank you.
But i gotta do something about it, like practise some papers, cuz i didnt even touch chemistry! And tomorrow will be the last day of promos already, last day so much jiayou, right? Like what Yihao says, tomorrow will be party hats and fireworks ( exaggerated ). But yeah, quite true.
I just hope i wont get the same feeling i felt when i had finished my biology paper and i did not feel any empowering sense of euphoria.
Happy last day of promos, and oh yeahs, Andy will be having his promos tomorrow.
Good luck, from a panda clown.
Jiayouuu =
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again..
Saturday, October 4, 2008
5:19 AM
Fuzzy guzzy, oh so lovely.
Fuzzy guzzy, oh so lovely.
Heyheyhey. Many people asked me why im so hooked onto my DVDs. Well, my dad usually rents them, and they are like those serials, except these serials are produced in Hong kong. I love hong kong serials, and i love those that portrays the lives of people in olden eras, and not in this era of modern technology. thats right, i love those sword fights, and those funny costumes and furnitures. I think they are really nice to watch. well, this is what i had been hooked onto,
Legends of the Demi-gods.
Actually, i dont ALWAYS watch them, as in when my dad rents them, i watch really selectively, i only watch when it is starring the people i like (: Thats why i watched the legends of the demi-gods, because i like this guy thats acting in it. haha, you may think im childish, but hey, he is not some mediacorp fans that i go gaga over because that mediacorp person lives in singapore and anytime in my life i may just bump into him. But this guy i like lives in some place i dont know, maybe taiwan or hong kong? Yeah, thats why i really enjoy his serials, plus, he is cute.
There! Benny Chan hao min.
Some people may know him, some may not. But i think he is talented, and his serials always make me laugh. =)
Sighs, now i've finished the entire DVD serials of 22 episodes in 2 and a half days, i feel lonely, haha. Because when you watch the serial, its like you're in their world, the pugilistic world, not the normal handphones and remote controls world. then you get to see those swords, and martial arts and then the many many funny houses, furnitures, clothes, hairstyles! This sorta DVDs are like tools that help me teleport into their world, and enjoy myself in that unrealistic situation.
I think i shall go and sleep now, and wake up at 12 or 1 later in the morning to do some stuffs.
I know i'll have sweet dreams, because i have been having sweet dreams over the past few days just because i watched the DVD, haha, immature and childish, but never you mind.
Good night folks.
Legends of the Demi-gods.
Actually, i dont ALWAYS watch them, as in when my dad rents them, i watch really selectively, i only watch when it is starring the people i like (: Thats why i watched the legends of the demi-gods, because i like this guy thats acting in it. haha, you may think im childish, but hey, he is not some mediacorp fans that i go gaga over because that mediacorp person lives in singapore and anytime in my life i may just bump into him. But this guy i like lives in some place i dont know, maybe taiwan or hong kong? Yeah, thats why i really enjoy his serials, plus, he is cute.
There! Benny Chan hao min.
Some people may know him, some may not. But i think he is talented, and his serials always make me laugh. =)
Sighs, now i've finished the entire DVD serials of 22 episodes in 2 and a half days, i feel lonely, haha. Because when you watch the serial, its like you're in their world, the pugilistic world, not the normal handphones and remote controls world. then you get to see those swords, and martial arts and then the many many funny houses, furnitures, clothes, hairstyles! This sorta DVDs are like tools that help me teleport into their world, and enjoy myself in that unrealistic situation.
I think i shall go and sleep now, and wake up at 12 or 1 later in the morning to do some stuffs.
I know i'll have sweet dreams, because i have been having sweet dreams over the past few days just because i watched the DVD, haha, immature and childish, but never you mind.
Good night folks.