EILEEN LOO YI ZHEN;
Monday, December 31, 2007
12:34 AM
" Any Resolutions? "
" Any Resolutions? "
Today is new year eve. 31st of December 2007. This year passed by so quickly, everything was such a rush, studies, friends. Some bonds forged and some broken. The last day of the year, and i sit here thinking of things i could have done and things that i had wanted myself to do but didnt. and things that have happened this year and feelings that i have felt. A mixture of everything you'd say. This year is a blur, a flurry of papers to prepare us for our hurdle ( o level ), that now, it seems to me that the hurdle was over just yesterday. I've got friends, many types - those that i still keep in touch with, and those that, somehow appears to have drifted away. On the eves of New year, my parents used to ask me ; " any resolutions?" and i'd think about them for weeks, and still not come up with an answer. To them, it'd be just a passing remark, but the question lingered in my mind long enough to make me frustrated with myself for not getting an answer. So, while im here and still blogging, like the many others, i think it'd be a great opportunity to tell my friends how much they mean to me. a few dedications- i think you already know who you are.
(they are in no particular order)
Rasina:
I don't think you'll read this, I'll be most surprised if you do anyways. you're always the best friend, when it comes to you, i always have so many things to say i don't even know how to begin, but i guess i have already begun lol. You're my best friend. Always there whenever im sad, and even when i lose my temper, you never fail to stick around long enough for my lousy attitude to diminish. we met each other in sec 1, when Mdm Siti made us sit next to each other because we were so short ( and now we still are ). whenever with you, i laugh so hard i usually cries. you're great company, and even when all else fails, you're still the optimism i turn to. thank you for being there with me and hope we'll be able to go to the same school, have a happy new year ahead.
Huiting and Wei ling:
Doubt Hui ting will read this, but well, maybe Wei ling will? anyway, it doesn't mater. Wei ling, i've known you since Primary 3, and we started off as enemies, or rather, competitors in our studies. Ever since we got into the same class in Sec 1, we got closer and became very good friends. I never knew i can count on you until the day when i was first dumped back last year, in October the 14th, and the next day cheered me up with you around to turn to for comfort and consolation. fortunately, we're still keeping in contact, and i'll love to see that we still keep in touch even if we really do end up in different institutes. hui ting, you're the loudmouth, and although you talk too much sometimes ( well, actually most of the time) , i really do treat you as a close friend. you're competitive at times, i don't blame you, because you raised my competitive level quite alot. I really do hope to meet you in the same school next year, you're not just a close friend, you're also a free tutor! * winks * and have a happy new year girls, will be seeing both of you for supper later, fattening me up alot, I'd say. (:
Berlisa:
You're the strong girl on the outside. thats how you want people to see you. And i really look up to you for that, because i've always wanted to be that strong as you but never have i been anywhere as successful as you. I know you told me most people says you've got attitude problem, dont give a damn, i'd say thats call personality, style. Lol. You're one of the many few, who shares a common interest as me- and that'll be final fantasy, Don't always put on a brave front, i've seen you at your happiest and your saddest too. We shared many ups and downs and im proud to say, our friendship is one thats quite strong, because even after a few fights and squabbles, we still managed to stay so close. thank you for helping me in my chinese and maths, you're a great girl. have a happy new year ahead.
haniffa:
hey my friendly giant! You're the bubbly guy, the most optimistic guy one can ever have. you're one of those who gets me moving on when the going gets tough. I admit we weren't that close back in sec one and two, and had only gotten closer recently in Sec 3. We acted in a video for out history project last time- and it'll definitely be one that I'll remember forever. it was fun to be just near you, hardly do i ever get a chance to feel sad. I say before that if i ever fails to enter a JC, i'll gladly join you in a Poly. Hope I'll get to join you guys soon at NTUC, i bet it'll be a blast. and dont forget our challenge, i know im gonna beat you. and don't bother about what people say about your weight and stuffs, you look great as it is to me. so, stay that way! Happy new year!
Joel:
hey there bagagug! you say I've always been there for you when you're happy or sad. Im really flattered by that, because I never thought i can be that kinda pillar-of-support-friend. you've been with me when im most bored, and even at times when im really sad. Thanks for introducing me to those candies, because they taste great and are healthier than chocolates since they don't give you sorethroats. I ain't flustered by the thought of us getting into different schools, because i have faith that we will be able to keep in touch after what we've been through.I admit, we used to have a few misunderstandings that almost brought our friendship down, im lucky they didnt, because you're a Buddy. I know i can always count on you. And i am glad to say that we don't incur alot of "silence-s" when we talk over phones. Thanks for being there and you better collect that uniform soon! It's kinda rotting at my place! And of course, happy new year(:
Joseph:
Now i get what you mean when you told me you do know alot about me, but then cannot find any words to refer to me. Because, im loss for words at the moment, i really don't know what to say. You're a clever person, knowledgeable too. Thanks for the ups and downs you've given me this year; the most memorable being the one at lower Seletar reservoir. i hardly doubt we'll end up in the same school nex year, and i do hope we can still keep in touch. However, don't worry, you're a tough nut to forget! happy new year * insert Joseph's invented smiley here = :T "
Edmund:
We knew each other back in Sec 3, and only got a little bit closer since Sec 4. I helped you with your downs and i'll like to say you did the same too. thanks for the endless strings of encouraging words you never fails to give me. I really appreciate that. and I don't thin i'll ever get a chance to see you asking me for candy anymore because we'll probably end up in different places. I'll take this chance to bestow my well wished on you, hope you and hui yee will enjoy eternal bliss. ( may be a little dramatic but well, its what i honestly want to tell you ) Happy new year, i cant say this to you personally because right now you're in LA and god knows when you'll return so enjoy!
Zul:
You sarcastic man. Never fails to bombard me with a million sorta retarded questions. I cant really think of what i can say to you, just that, when in a vegetarian world, do as what the vegetarians do, thats if you really are serious in going after her. I won't say i disagree but a relationship between people of different races will be quite tough. well, why am i yakking away on this? i shouldn't be entitled to an opinion anyway. whatever it is, i thank you for those encouraging chocolates and times in MSN when you make me laugh. Have a great year ahead, and for god sake, stop smoking.
Xavier:
I don't know what to say to you, just that, thanks for the constant encouragement in my blog to egg me forward. It really is much appreciated. We weren't that close back in Secondary school. It's only recently that we do talk to each other ( over blogs, hehhehs! ) Have a great year ahead with her ( somehow, i don't feel like i have the right to put down her name) , and best of luck in Millenia? (:
Wei ming (city harvest):
Im really impressed by your perseverance ,and your really romantic approach to make it happen between us. I really am sorry. I don't know how many times I've apologised to you. I know you don't want my apologies, but there really is nothing i can do. Thank you for trying to cheer me up when im always down. You really put in the effort, and it's not that you're not good enough or what. I just don't have the feel. Im sorry for the candor over here, you deserve someone better. Happy new year.
George, Mark:
George, I doubt you'll read this and i don't even know why im dedicating a message to you, when i don't even know what to type here. I just wanna say that we've know each other since primary 4, and the first impression you had on me wasn't that good, frankly speaking. I can still remember the days when you shouted " over line" whenever my pencil crossed over to your table by accident. Mark, We've known each other for 4 years and yet the irony is still that i don't really know you. thanks for teaching me Kinematics, you're really good there! Cant think of much to say except, " Have a happy new year."
Jake:
You're are always the cool and collected guy. You are one of those people who cheers me up when im sad. Thanks for all that you've done for me, and like Berlisa, i find you as the one always putting on a brave front. don't be afraid to conceal your feelings for you know i'll be here if you need a ear. thanks for teaching me a maths and physics. And don't look so blur in class! Your face always seem to show you drifting away into another world.. anyway, Have a great 2008 and the rest of the years that follow!
I think im done with penning down what i wanna say to these people. So, i shall stop here.
Have a happy 2008 ahead of you, and hopefully, our paths may cross again. Farewell 2007.
eileen loo yi zhen.
(they are in no particular order)
Rasina:
I don't think you'll read this, I'll be most surprised if you do anyways. you're always the best friend, when it comes to you, i always have so many things to say i don't even know how to begin, but i guess i have already begun lol. You're my best friend. Always there whenever im sad, and even when i lose my temper, you never fail to stick around long enough for my lousy attitude to diminish. we met each other in sec 1, when Mdm Siti made us sit next to each other because we were so short ( and now we still are ). whenever with you, i laugh so hard i usually cries. you're great company, and even when all else fails, you're still the optimism i turn to. thank you for being there with me and hope we'll be able to go to the same school, have a happy new year ahead.
Huiting and Wei ling:
Doubt Hui ting will read this, but well, maybe Wei ling will? anyway, it doesn't mater. Wei ling, i've known you since Primary 3, and we started off as enemies, or rather, competitors in our studies. Ever since we got into the same class in Sec 1, we got closer and became very good friends. I never knew i can count on you until the day when i was first dumped back last year, in October the 14th, and the next day cheered me up with you around to turn to for comfort and consolation. fortunately, we're still keeping in contact, and i'll love to see that we still keep in touch even if we really do end up in different institutes. hui ting, you're the loudmouth, and although you talk too much sometimes ( well, actually most of the time) , i really do treat you as a close friend. you're competitive at times, i don't blame you, because you raised my competitive level quite alot. I really do hope to meet you in the same school next year, you're not just a close friend, you're also a free tutor! * winks * and have a happy new year girls, will be seeing both of you for supper later, fattening me up alot, I'd say. (:
Berlisa:
You're the strong girl on the outside. thats how you want people to see you. And i really look up to you for that, because i've always wanted to be that strong as you but never have i been anywhere as successful as you. I know you told me most people says you've got attitude problem, dont give a damn, i'd say thats call personality, style. Lol. You're one of the many few, who shares a common interest as me- and that'll be final fantasy, Don't always put on a brave front, i've seen you at your happiest and your saddest too. We shared many ups and downs and im proud to say, our friendship is one thats quite strong, because even after a few fights and squabbles, we still managed to stay so close. thank you for helping me in my chinese and maths, you're a great girl. have a happy new year ahead.
haniffa:
hey my friendly giant! You're the bubbly guy, the most optimistic guy one can ever have. you're one of those who gets me moving on when the going gets tough. I admit we weren't that close back in sec one and two, and had only gotten closer recently in Sec 3. We acted in a video for out history project last time- and it'll definitely be one that I'll remember forever. it was fun to be just near you, hardly do i ever get a chance to feel sad. I say before that if i ever fails to enter a JC, i'll gladly join you in a Poly. Hope I'll get to join you guys soon at NTUC, i bet it'll be a blast. and dont forget our challenge, i know im gonna beat you. and don't bother about what people say about your weight and stuffs, you look great as it is to me. so, stay that way! Happy new year!
Joel:
hey there bagagug! you say I've always been there for you when you're happy or sad. Im really flattered by that, because I never thought i can be that kinda pillar-of-support-friend. you've been with me when im most bored, and even at times when im really sad. Thanks for introducing me to those candies, because they taste great and are healthier than chocolates since they don't give you sorethroats. I ain't flustered by the thought of us getting into different schools, because i have faith that we will be able to keep in touch after what we've been through.I admit, we used to have a few misunderstandings that almost brought our friendship down, im lucky they didnt, because you're a Buddy. I know i can always count on you. And i am glad to say that we don't incur alot of "silence-s" when we talk over phones. Thanks for being there and you better collect that uniform soon! It's kinda rotting at my place! And of course, happy new year(:
Joseph:
Now i get what you mean when you told me you do know alot about me, but then cannot find any words to refer to me. Because, im loss for words at the moment, i really don't know what to say. You're a clever person, knowledgeable too. Thanks for the ups and downs you've given me this year; the most memorable being the one at lower Seletar reservoir. i hardly doubt we'll end up in the same school nex year, and i do hope we can still keep in touch. However, don't worry, you're a tough nut to forget! happy new year * insert Joseph's invented smiley here = :T "
Edmund:
We knew each other back in Sec 3, and only got a little bit closer since Sec 4. I helped you with your downs and i'll like to say you did the same too. thanks for the endless strings of encouraging words you never fails to give me. I really appreciate that. and I don't thin i'll ever get a chance to see you asking me for candy anymore because we'll probably end up in different places. I'll take this chance to bestow my well wished on you, hope you and hui yee will enjoy eternal bliss. ( may be a little dramatic but well, its what i honestly want to tell you ) Happy new year, i cant say this to you personally because right now you're in LA and god knows when you'll return so enjoy!
Zul:
You sarcastic man. Never fails to bombard me with a million sorta retarded questions. I cant really think of what i can say to you, just that, when in a vegetarian world, do as what the vegetarians do, thats if you really are serious in going after her. I won't say i disagree but a relationship between people of different races will be quite tough. well, why am i yakking away on this? i shouldn't be entitled to an opinion anyway. whatever it is, i thank you for those encouraging chocolates and times in MSN when you make me laugh. Have a great year ahead, and for god sake, stop smoking.
Xavier:
I don't know what to say to you, just that, thanks for the constant encouragement in my blog to egg me forward. It really is much appreciated. We weren't that close back in Secondary school. It's only recently that we do talk to each other ( over blogs, hehhehs! ) Have a great year ahead with her ( somehow, i don't feel like i have the right to put down her name) , and best of luck in Millenia? (:
Wei ming (city harvest):
Im really impressed by your perseverance ,and your really romantic approach to make it happen between us. I really am sorry. I don't know how many times I've apologised to you. I know you don't want my apologies, but there really is nothing i can do. Thank you for trying to cheer me up when im always down. You really put in the effort, and it's not that you're not good enough or what. I just don't have the feel. Im sorry for the candor over here, you deserve someone better. Happy new year.
George, Mark:
George, I doubt you'll read this and i don't even know why im dedicating a message to you, when i don't even know what to type here. I just wanna say that we've know each other since primary 4, and the first impression you had on me wasn't that good, frankly speaking. I can still remember the days when you shouted " over line" whenever my pencil crossed over to your table by accident. Mark, We've known each other for 4 years and yet the irony is still that i don't really know you. thanks for teaching me Kinematics, you're really good there! Cant think of much to say except, " Have a happy new year."
Jake:
You're are always the cool and collected guy. You are one of those people who cheers me up when im sad. Thanks for all that you've done for me, and like Berlisa, i find you as the one always putting on a brave front. don't be afraid to conceal your feelings for you know i'll be here if you need a ear. thanks for teaching me a maths and physics. And don't look so blur in class! Your face always seem to show you drifting away into another world.. anyway, Have a great 2008 and the rest of the years that follow!
I think im done with penning down what i wanna say to these people. So, i shall stop here.
Have a happy 2008 ahead of you, and hopefully, our paths may cross again. Farewell 2007.
eileen loo yi zhen.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
8:27 PM
...
...
我们是泛泛之辈
我听了歌做了梦都会流泪
泪水该怎么停歇
我们习惯眼泪不让人发觉
...
我听了歌做了梦都会流泪
泪水该怎么停歇
我们习惯眼泪不让人发觉
...
12:28 AM
Sorry, cant find a title.
Sorry, cant find a title.
It hasn't been exactly a very long time since i last blogged, defacto, i just blogged yesterday. lol, it just feels like a very long time to me.
So, lemme recall what happen yesterday. Oh, yeah i went on to play final fantasy 9 ( YAY! i managed to play till disc 2, tho i was annihilated 3 times -.- blahs ) after which, i went for my uncle's birthday party. He's 40 years old now. Somehow, there're some family rivalry between Gavin's momsie and our Uncle, so Gavin didnt go for the party. well, the party was held at Sakura inside Safra. My baby cousin went and i had a fantabulous time playing with her. you may think its lame but she's pretty cute, and she loves to feed me ice cream. anyway, the party was not that fun, except for the part where i played with my cousin. So, the adults were drinking beer. Heineken ( i cant remember how its spelled ) and since they saw me just sitting there and not eating anything, they asked if i want a cup of beer. I was puzzled, shooting a questioning look at my dad, i saw him nod his head so i agreed to a cup. When i took a small sip of it, it tasted already, in fact, its even better than tiger beer. So, i continued drinking, taking bigger gulps until i finished the entire cup. My dad was kinda shocked. He asked me if im alright and i didnt feel so bad then. I drank a little bit more, but i just dont see how people can down their sorrows by drinking. i dont feel that any bit of my sorrow or whatever is being diminished. instead, i felt so tired. So, i took bus number 5 and went home, staggered into the bathroom for a bath and crawled into my bed. i was so afraid that i couldnt wake up in time today, for the job, which starts at 7, and i supposed to wake up at 5.30. it was already 1245 when i climbed into bed. as soon as my head hits the pillow, i went blank. and yupps, i was able to wake up today morning, at a freaking 540, much to my head's disagreement. i feel so groggy. i took a quick bath and went for work. it's alright, except it can get a little boring sometimes. when nobody calls, i either take out my book to read, or eat chocolates while trying to figure out a sudoku puzzle. well, thats all i can blog for today. i dont know when i'll be getting my 300 bucks, i hope it wont falls on the day when i have to work. Well, crossing my fingers. ciao~ take care(:
oh yeah, people- take note.
without the poor, there wont be the rich.
without the fat, there wont be the thin.
without the ugly, there wont be the pretty.
without the stupid, there wont be the clever.
so, the next time you wanna criticise someone for not being skinny,pretty,clever r rich enough, think of how you'd have feel if you're in that person's shoes. without her, the one you call stupid, or ugly, or fat or poor girl, there wont be you- the smart, skinny,pretty and rich person. think about it.
So, lemme recall what happen yesterday. Oh, yeah i went on to play final fantasy 9 ( YAY! i managed to play till disc 2, tho i was annihilated 3 times -.- blahs ) after which, i went for my uncle's birthday party. He's 40 years old now. Somehow, there're some family rivalry between Gavin's momsie and our Uncle, so Gavin didnt go for the party. well, the party was held at Sakura inside Safra. My baby cousin went and i had a fantabulous time playing with her. you may think its lame but she's pretty cute, and she loves to feed me ice cream. anyway, the party was not that fun, except for the part where i played with my cousin. So, the adults were drinking beer. Heineken ( i cant remember how its spelled ) and since they saw me just sitting there and not eating anything, they asked if i want a cup of beer. I was puzzled, shooting a questioning look at my dad, i saw him nod his head so i agreed to a cup. When i took a small sip of it, it tasted already, in fact, its even better than tiger beer. So, i continued drinking, taking bigger gulps until i finished the entire cup. My dad was kinda shocked. He asked me if im alright and i didnt feel so bad then. I drank a little bit more, but i just dont see how people can down their sorrows by drinking. i dont feel that any bit of my sorrow or whatever is being diminished. instead, i felt so tired. So, i took bus number 5 and went home, staggered into the bathroom for a bath and crawled into my bed. i was so afraid that i couldnt wake up in time today, for the job, which starts at 7, and i supposed to wake up at 5.30. it was already 1245 when i climbed into bed. as soon as my head hits the pillow, i went blank. and yupps, i was able to wake up today morning, at a freaking 540, much to my head's disagreement. i feel so groggy. i took a quick bath and went for work. it's alright, except it can get a little boring sometimes. when nobody calls, i either take out my book to read, or eat chocolates while trying to figure out a sudoku puzzle. well, thats all i can blog for today. i dont know when i'll be getting my 300 bucks, i hope it wont falls on the day when i have to work. Well, crossing my fingers. ciao~ take care(:
oh yeah, people- take note.
without the poor, there wont be the rich.
without the fat, there wont be the thin.
without the ugly, there wont be the pretty.
without the stupid, there wont be the clever.
so, the next time you wanna criticise someone for not being skinny,pretty,clever r rich enough, think of how you'd have feel if you're in that person's shoes. without her, the one you call stupid, or ugly, or fat or poor girl, there wont be you- the smart, skinny,pretty and rich person. think about it.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
12:47 AM
Going..
Going..
Hmmm, another blogpost for today. im too lazy to continue from the previous post so i thought i'd write a new one. or in this case, Type a new one. Joel came over just now. Actually, he came over to the auntie that lives in the same block as me, to alter his uniform. while waiting for her to sew certain parts so that he can try it on, he came over and well, he saw my house for the first time. i told you its messy joel, you just dont believe me.. I dont know why, for some reason, when he saw the moo moo cow bedspread ( or is it the pile of plushies nearby? ) he started laughing. ?!?! whats so funny? We played a little metal slug on my playstation one, he kept snatching my heavy machine guns- so i snatched his potions and prevented him from changing from a mummy back to human form. It was quite fun, until the game hanged -.- So, we played another version of Metal slug - some alpha force thingy. This part is not as good, because its arcade version and you cant continue always. we played for awhile, and ate bananas in between. He refused the bananas because i didnt wanna eat the jelly the last time i went over! Nevermind, i stuffed a few mouthfuls into his mouth (: Well, i havent got anything to do at the moment, im struggling on the PS 1 final fantasy 9- i always got annihilated!~ Not fair- gonna keep trying later.
and yes, my grandfather may have a little senile dementia- When joel was here, i told him that Joel is not Joseph. He is joel. And my grandfather smiled and told me he got it- and even offered him bananas. well, after Joel went home, he asked me why joseph isn't staying for dinner. and i was like "?!?!!?! i thought i told you he's joel?!?" and he smiled and said yeah yeah. there is something wrong with him. i better follow him to the clinic for his next check up- blog later, im gonna get a banana. i think im going bananas~
Quote: Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
Und ich dachte, daß ich vergessen kann. ich dachte, daß ich bereits.
Brunnen, mindestens, das ich versuchte.
ich fühle so müde, zu müde, um mehr, zu versuchen fortzufahren.
and yes, my grandfather may have a little senile dementia- When joel was here, i told him that Joel is not Joseph. He is joel. And my grandfather smiled and told me he got it- and even offered him bananas. well, after Joel went home, he asked me why joseph isn't staying for dinner. and i was like "?!?!!?! i thought i told you he's joel?!?" and he smiled and said yeah yeah. there is something wrong with him. i better follow him to the clinic for his next check up- blog later, im gonna get a banana. i think im going bananas~
Quote: Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love
Und ich dachte, daß ich vergessen kann. ich dachte, daß ich bereits.
Brunnen, mindestens, das ich versuchte.
ich fühle so müde, zu müde, um mehr, zu versuchen fortzufahren.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
6:45 PM
2 days before the day after tomorrow
2 days before the day after tomorrow
Well, that'll be today. i woke up late today, a quarter to eight and lumbered to the bathroom to wash up. You know of things like, you're very tired but then you just cant sleep anymore because of something somewhat disturbing? well, i felt like that and after washing up, i poured myself a cup of cold milk. then comes the same routine - switch on the computer and blog. So,here i am now, blogging. Nowadays, i just dont feel like im in that kind of celebrations mood anymore. It seems to me like there's nothing to celebrate about- everything is coming to an end. i dont wish to leave 2007 behind and welcome 2008. I dont feel happy that the new year is coming too. I really am in the mood to celebrate anything. yes, i am unhappy. Who am i trying to kid with the cheery voice and never ending smiles? yes, i think im trying to kid my parents. For those going to their first 3 weeks,you'll be missed each day i log into my msn and realise you're not online anymore because you're schooling. for those not going to the 3 weeks thingy, you'll be some company, hopefully, that is if you're not already occupied with work.
Joel keeps forgetting that i did not apply for it. Frankly, i cant believe that i didnt too. think of me as the kiasu singaporean or what, i dont mind. the real reason why i dont wanna apply is firstly, i think Prelims is way too easy and there's no way the O's is gonna be easier than that. Besides, when taking the O's examinations, i really didnt think i can make it into the school i want. you may think that im afraid of the embarrassment and whatnot. so, No, i am not. its just if i do go, i'll have to adapt to the MJC environment and if i cant get in for my O's, i'll feel twice as disappointed and will have to re-adapt to another environment. Also, most of my friends said they wont be going, people like hui ting, rasina, gavin.. in the end? only the two girls kept to their words. Whatever happened to Gavin? Sigh. i dont blame him. i just wished he'd come straight out and say so if he's gonna apply and not lie about it and sneakily do it behind our backs.
Gotta go. i dont wanna blog anymore. this post is getting me more depressed by the minutes..
Joel keeps forgetting that i did not apply for it. Frankly, i cant believe that i didnt too. think of me as the kiasu singaporean or what, i dont mind. the real reason why i dont wanna apply is firstly, i think Prelims is way too easy and there's no way the O's is gonna be easier than that. Besides, when taking the O's examinations, i really didnt think i can make it into the school i want. you may think that im afraid of the embarrassment and whatnot. so, No, i am not. its just if i do go, i'll have to adapt to the MJC environment and if i cant get in for my O's, i'll feel twice as disappointed and will have to re-adapt to another environment. Also, most of my friends said they wont be going, people like hui ting, rasina, gavin.. in the end? only the two girls kept to their words. Whatever happened to Gavin? Sigh. i dont blame him. i just wished he'd come straight out and say so if he's gonna apply and not lie about it and sneakily do it behind our backs.
Gotta go. i dont wanna blog anymore. this post is getting me more depressed by the minutes..
5:23 AM
Packing
Packing
While packing my stuffs just now, trying to make my things a little nicer, i stopped for a break and called joseph to remind him that he's having his PAE orientation tomorrow. I thought i'd just remind him and wish him well as he's not one with a very good memory. no offence. So, i resumed packing after the call and found some rather memorable stuffs kept in this cupboard. i took them out and felt a little teary. I was muttering to myself something along the lines of " some things juts cannot be helped" when my sister appeared out of nowhere and said " yeah since you know they cannot be helped, then they should be forgotten, right?" and she gave me that i-know-you-can-do-it-girl-kinda smile. Yeah right. if i can, i would have done it so long ago. she went to bathe, and while she's at it, i stopped packing and came here to blog. My PAE slip thingy is one of those things that i came across. i looked at that paper, i dont know if i should feel sad that i wont be joining the rest, but i gave it a little smile, and sent it to the boxes. And to tell you peeps, i didnt throw away my entry proof because its something memorable. its a piece of something that will tell me that yes, i've taken my o levels. so, if you guys haven't thrown it away yet,and are thinking of doing so, do think twice.
:)
gotta go. and ya know the cold storage advertisement?
" you got the whole world in your hands X 4 "
XD i dont wanna feel teary anymore or maybe im just PMS-ing. oh well..
:)
gotta go. and ya know the cold storage advertisement?
" you got the whole world in your hands X 4 "
XD i dont wanna feel teary anymore or maybe im just PMS-ing. oh well..
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
5:51 PM
Peter Pan
Peter Pan
Yups, its my all time favourite as mentioned before. It was shown on TV yesterday so i watched it together with my brother. And apparently, my brother does not know any teeny weeny bit about the story of peter pan. so i gotta fill him in every now and then. it's alright, we watched it together on the floor with apple juice ( for me ) and orange juice ( for him ). the boy acting as peter pan - Jeremy Sumpter. he is Cute. i mean he is when he's acting, now he should be about 18 so that doesnt makes him cute anymore. lol. Anyways, today is gonna be yet another lousy day of sitting infront of this box. Im bored. and my body aches. Oh, and, a uterine lining that's in the midst of breaking down doesn't seem to help my condition. Grrr`
Monday, December 24, 2007
5:22 PM
Santa Claus?
Santa Claus?
My mom used to tell me that on Christmas eve, Santa will sneak into the house and gets everybody a present. she told me and i didn't doubt her since tv shows are also saying about the children getting gifts on Christmas. she'd tucked us in bed and made us wish for the things we want and then told us to sleep. On some years, Santa did come and we got the present we want. On other years, we didn't. When asked why, my mom would tell us that Santa got our address wrongly. i know its lame, but remember, we were quite small then, and we didn't know that Santa's a fake. as we grew older, the presents came lesser, and then they completely stopped. and i also became a little smarter. we realised that the-so-called-Santa-presents, they were given to us by our parents. and why on certain years do we receive it and the other years did not? it's because the things that we wished for, if its within my parents budget, then we would get it. if its too expensive ( i remember my brother wishing for a playstation one last time and at that time, its really expensive ), then we wont get it. thats all i gotta say, to the children out there who receive presents, the santas are actually your parents.
i was watching Asterix vs Cleopatra last night with tatty when i fell asleep on the sofa. i think someone brought me to my bed cuz i found myself on my moo moo cow bedspread when i woke up this morning. lol, i found 12 messages of Christmas in my phone. thanks people. :D
i think there's peter pan on tv later on. I'll never ever miss a show of peter pan because it's my all time favourite fairytale! well, blog later. i gotta munch some scrambled eggs.
oh, and umm yeah. Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year To Everyone.
i was watching Asterix vs Cleopatra last night with tatty when i fell asleep on the sofa. i think someone brought me to my bed cuz i found myself on my moo moo cow bedspread when i woke up this morning. lol, i found 12 messages of Christmas in my phone. thanks people. :D
i think there's peter pan on tv later on. I'll never ever miss a show of peter pan because it's my all time favourite fairytale! well, blog later. i gotta munch some scrambled eggs.
oh, and umm yeah. Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year To Everyone.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
10:14 PM
Expectations?
Expectations?
Have you felt that you can never meet up to the expectations of people?
the subtle comments or remarks of your parents, siblings or friends?
the stress you will feel because of a sentence, a few words, or phrase?
the efforts you put in, just for their hopes, your hopes, in wanting to fulfill theirs?
the anxiety and fear you feel, when you're worried you cant make it?
the disappointment you feel when the results is out and you realise you didnt,cant.
their sad faces, disappointment you wont miss when they finds out?
what for? just for that comment, that expectations, that hope?
are you living up to someone's expectations? or yours?
has that someone's expectations they have of you made that expectations yours?
why should we always feel assured when someone tells you that you can do it?
what if we know we already cant?
UUUUUUUUGJJJJHJGHKAWJGVSBGSKFWEJITJWETERHYKERFBLSDVGLSDTJGORJGN
let me just calm down first. i dont know where im heading to..
maybe i'll just go play sims2 on the psp. im bored and depressed and i cant think.
above is a picture i took from my bedroom window when its raining. i love it.
click it to view it full size. its nicer. really.
the subtle comments or remarks of your parents, siblings or friends?
the stress you will feel because of a sentence, a few words, or phrase?
the efforts you put in, just for their hopes, your hopes, in wanting to fulfill theirs?
the anxiety and fear you feel, when you're worried you cant make it?
the disappointment you feel when the results is out and you realise you didnt,cant.
their sad faces, disappointment you wont miss when they finds out?
what for? just for that comment, that expectations, that hope?
are you living up to someone's expectations? or yours?
has that someone's expectations they have of you made that expectations yours?
why should we always feel assured when someone tells you that you can do it?
what if we know we already cant?
UUUUUUUUGJJJJHJGHKAWJGVSBGSKFWEJITJWETERHYKERFBLSDVGLSDTJGORJGN
let me just calm down first. i dont know where im heading to..
maybe i'll just go play sims2 on the psp. im bored and depressed and i cant think.
above is a picture i took from my bedroom window when its raining. i love it.
click it to view it full size. its nicer. really.
6:59 PM
93rd
93rd
i just realised. that it should be typed as 92nd post. not 92th. sorry. my mistake. will blog later. uploading some pictures into my computer now, and im just gonna have some fun editing before im plunged into boredom. god. ciao yeah~
above is my very very cute cousin, Karyn. for some reason, she's pinching her nose. i wonder why.
And apparently, joseph, you're not the only one who's not in the festive mood. me too. dont seem to be able to register the fact that tomorrow is christmas rather than just another ordinary holiday of my life. oh well, one of your post is most depressing i'd say, and of course, i understand what they said is kinda too late now. but frankly speaking, i do wonder sometimes. nevermind. we are still friends. best of luck to you.
above is my very very cute cousin, Karyn. for some reason, she's pinching her nose. i wonder why.
And apparently, joseph, you're not the only one who's not in the festive mood. me too. dont seem to be able to register the fact that tomorrow is christmas rather than just another ordinary holiday of my life. oh well, one of your post is most depressing i'd say, and of course, i understand what they said is kinda too late now. but frankly speaking, i do wonder sometimes. nevermind. we are still friends. best of luck to you.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
3:34 AM
92th post.
92th post.
i just realized that this will be the 92th post already. hmm, its close to a hundred already. well, i dedicate most of my time to this blog, penning those thoughts swirling in my mind right here so that someday i'll know what i have done or have not done, what i've regretted or stuffs like that few ten years down the road. i dont stop blogging when im no in the mood because i feel that i blog more when im sad. Because the happy things in life are always taken for granted that it tends to be neglected. only the sad happenings are remembered and cried over.
Like what i blogged yesterday, today is my ancestors' anniversary. many people came, almost the whole 20 plus members of the family. Even my sister's boyfriend. He came, and because of that, it triggered many questions from my grandparents,like why joseph didnt come blah blah.. i dont know what to do though, i've told them that we're no longer an item but they just cant register it into their minds. Is it probably because he's been here for quite alot of time last time that the think he's gonna come always? Or maybe they've got senile dementia..? So, came more questions from grandparents and aunts, and my mom asked me if joseph wanted any tangyuan. one must definitely eat tangyuan on this day because its some kinda Chinese origins or beliefs. when you eat tangyuan today, it signifies that you've grown a year older. so, according to the chinese calender, i'll be like..18? not sure too, just take it that i grow a year older huhs. It is said that the person must eat the number of tangyuans corresponding to his or her age. for instance, im 16 years old, so i should eat 16 tangyuans. but i find it highly impossible for the adults, like my grandpa. Is he gonna eat 80 tangyuans? i wonder.
My sister quarreled with her boyfriend and for the entire time that he was here, she gave him the cold shoulder and even told him to fuck off. i was shocked. i never will say anything that crude like fuck to my boyfriend. i was expecting him to blow up and stomp out of the house but he didnt. instead, he just kept quiet and played super mario on my hp. i felt a little sorry for him, at how my sister had treated him. she went to bed and slept even though he's still in the house and he just sat there and watched her sleep. He's such a nice guyl, i dont know why my sister fails to see that but bullies him all the time. seeing her like this, it made me reflect. was i like this in the past..? i think i was. You cant just take your partner for granted you know. someday, when you really need him there, you wont be surprised if he walks out on you and jumps straight into another's arms. anyways, i've learnt my lesson. i know where i went wrong. however, it doesn't matters now,right? all i hope is that my sister wont end up like me...
the weather's extremely bad.its so cold but the sound of rain pelting on the ground is so rhythmic. lol, blog next time.
End of post 92th.
Like what i blogged yesterday, today is my ancestors' anniversary. many people came, almost the whole 20 plus members of the family. Even my sister's boyfriend. He came, and because of that, it triggered many questions from my grandparents,like why joseph didnt come blah blah.. i dont know what to do though, i've told them that we're no longer an item but they just cant register it into their minds. Is it probably because he's been here for quite alot of time last time that the think he's gonna come always? Or maybe they've got senile dementia..? So, came more questions from grandparents and aunts, and my mom asked me if joseph wanted any tangyuan. one must definitely eat tangyuan on this day because its some kinda Chinese origins or beliefs. when you eat tangyuan today, it signifies that you've grown a year older. so, according to the chinese calender, i'll be like..18? not sure too, just take it that i grow a year older huhs. It is said that the person must eat the number of tangyuans corresponding to his or her age. for instance, im 16 years old, so i should eat 16 tangyuans. but i find it highly impossible for the adults, like my grandpa. Is he gonna eat 80 tangyuans? i wonder.
My sister quarreled with her boyfriend and for the entire time that he was here, she gave him the cold shoulder and even told him to fuck off. i was shocked. i never will say anything that crude like fuck to my boyfriend. i was expecting him to blow up and stomp out of the house but he didnt. instead, he just kept quiet and played super mario on my hp. i felt a little sorry for him, at how my sister had treated him. she went to bed and slept even though he's still in the house and he just sat there and watched her sleep. He's such a nice guyl, i dont know why my sister fails to see that but bullies him all the time. seeing her like this, it made me reflect. was i like this in the past..? i think i was. You cant just take your partner for granted you know. someday, when you really need him there, you wont be surprised if he walks out on you and jumps straight into another's arms. anyways, i've learnt my lesson. i know where i went wrong. however, it doesn't matters now,right? all i hope is that my sister wont end up like me...
the weather's extremely bad.its so cold but the sound of rain pelting on the ground is so rhythmic. lol, blog next time.
End of post 92th.
Friday, December 21, 2007
6:56 AM
Jody's birthday.
Jody's birthday.
Yups, today is her birthday, 21st december. many of the aunts and uncles dont like her that much compared to her elder sister. because she's quiet. she plays quietly with her gameboy when nobody talks to her but you know, she's really polite. and she's the sweetest girl alive. she drew many pictures for joseph last time and even though its ugly, i know she drew those pictures with all of her heart. happy birthday to you, jody! May all wishes come true.
anyways, on the 22nd of december, it'll be my ancestors' anniversary, i think its their birth and death anniversary. i guess my mom'll whip up some dishes and use them as offerings. well, gotta go. grandma's yelling at me to offer a hand. ciao~
anyways, on the 22nd of december, it'll be my ancestors' anniversary, i think its their birth and death anniversary. i guess my mom'll whip up some dishes and use them as offerings. well, gotta go. grandma's yelling at me to offer a hand. ciao~
Thursday, December 20, 2007
5:27 AM
Agony
Agony
thats the state im in now. in a state of agony. a series of event had happened just now, and i feel that i must put it down because...i want to remember. its the first time my dad ever raised his hand to strike me with his palm. i was accused of being rude to my mother when it wasnt. it was just a misunderstanding, but he wouldn't listen. he raised his hand and was gonna leave a mark on my left cheek when i moved. i wanted so badly to cry. it feels as though the whole world had turned against me. my mom, she didnt even care. she's too bust watching tv. chewing the insides of my mouth to prevent myself from bursting, i tried to stand there and listen to his lecture. he raised his voice at me. screamed at me. yelled. Accused. i grabbed my phone and ran out of the door. ran all the way to the reservoir and sat down there to wallow. after awhile, my sister called me. she told me to come home. i didnt want to, but i remember. i remember that today's their 20th year anniversary. they have been married for 20 years already. reluctantly, i ran home, sneaked into the bathroom the moment i reached and took a bath. i think my father figured out that it's a misunderstanding, and he tried to make it up during dinner. but i couldnt eat. i felt so sad. because at the point in time when nobody's there for me, i thought of you and sms-ed you. you didnt even reply me. you told me you'd be there if something happens to me. not physically, but you can offer at least some encouraging words? no. throughout the entire dinner, i felt so miserable. all i wanted to do was to creep into my bed, hug tatty and cry. but i cant. i promised to watch a family movie with them. i have to. its their anniversary. who am i to destroy that kinda golden family moment? never have i felt so neglected and lonely...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
6:42 PM
Celebrations
Celebrations
today is a very special day, it is Rasina and Yanrong's birthday! Rasina has been my very best friend for the past 4 years and frankly speaking, we have never quarreled before. which is good! this is because whatever we say to each other, we'll ultimately end up laughing like crazy. Im not that close to yanrong as she is to her besties, but she's a nice girl, and we do talk during art club. today is also hari raya haji, and rasina told me that its a day for the people who went for their pilgrimage. I got a present for Rasina too. she loves harry potter so i got her a harry potter Gryffindor's cauldron. its quite pretty. we're gonna celebrate her birthday on sunday, dont know what we'll be doing but we'll definitely do something in commemoration. it is coming to 11a.m as i type this entry and none of my family members are awake.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
7:14 PM
Dreams are } my reality.
Dreams are } my reality.
Is that true? i mean they say what you think about so much in the day will have effect on what you dream about at night? so, dreams are actually? because for some reason, i find myself dreaming of something damn ridiculous. It's like a mixture of dreams, and you know, usually when you wake up, you find yourself being unable to recall what you've dreamt. however, when i woke up today, i can remember very clearly the entire dream. And then i felt so sad all over again. dont try asking me what the dream's about, if you know me well enough, plus all that i've said over here, put two and two together and you'll be able to figure out. dont even have to guess either.
listening to the promise of the world ( howl's moving castle). it's quite a sad instrumental piece.
):
i visited xiaxue's blog just now. im sorry, i dont think i can say that im impressed with her blog posts or what. nevermind, i just dont see how she can become singapore's famous blogger with those posts. maybe im just being grumpy and mean. forget about it.
listening to the promise of the world ( howl's moving castle). it's quite a sad instrumental piece.
):
i visited xiaxue's blog just now. im sorry, i dont think i can say that im impressed with her blog posts or what. nevermind, i just dont see how she can become singapore's famous blogger with those posts. maybe im just being grumpy and mean. forget about it.
6:26 AM
Today
Today
I got the job. its the one at changi airport, the call centre agents. i just have to pick up phone calls and tell the passengers where their flight is taking off. the good things are 1) i'll be working with Rasina and 2) the pay is 7 bucks per hour. i think its quite alright and hopefully i can commit. like what i told joseph, i just dont see how people can commit themselves to a fixed job for an entire month. i'll definitely die of boredom man. call me fickle, but thats just me. lol. cliche.
anyways, the second thing im gonna blog about is today. i didnt do much today. i lazed around at home and had this sorta beauty lesson with my mom. She was really disappointed in the end because i didnt follow what she taught like how i should cut my nails so that they wont look short and stubby and that they'll be able to grow out beautiful and long. too bad i cut them all short so that i can look neat. and anyways, daddy says im the good girl because i always cut my nails so they look neat. then she taught me how to put on make up and such but i didnt really listen. i was chasing a cherry tomato around a salad bowl. Actually, it's mom's cherry tomato cuz she made the salad for herself. however, i cant seem to catch the tomato on my fork. i was so impatient that i chased the tomato so fast and ended up spearing my own thumb. it hurts so much. and my mom got the cheek to tell me " the moral of the story is : you should never try to take what's not yours" and popped the tomato into her mouth. Nevermind, she's not always so mean ^ ^
Oh another thing. someone tagged cassandra's blog. i think the girl is quite mean, and she really types like a damn twit. its like so damn act cute. i dont really like people like that. the number of letters one gotta type for " you" is the same as the number of letters for " euu" so why cant people type properly? do they really believe that typing in act cute ways can conceal their true selves and bring out a facade of who they really are? beats me.
anyways, the second thing im gonna blog about is today. i didnt do much today. i lazed around at home and had this sorta beauty lesson with my mom. She was really disappointed in the end because i didnt follow what she taught like how i should cut my nails so that they wont look short and stubby and that they'll be able to grow out beautiful and long. too bad i cut them all short so that i can look neat. and anyways, daddy says im the good girl because i always cut my nails so they look neat. then she taught me how to put on make up and such but i didnt really listen. i was chasing a cherry tomato around a salad bowl. Actually, it's mom's cherry tomato cuz she made the salad for herself. however, i cant seem to catch the tomato on my fork. i was so impatient that i chased the tomato so fast and ended up spearing my own thumb. it hurts so much. and my mom got the cheek to tell me " the moral of the story is : you should never try to take what's not yours" and popped the tomato into her mouth. Nevermind, she's not always so mean ^ ^
Oh another thing. someone tagged cassandra's blog. i think the girl is quite mean, and she really types like a damn twit. its like so damn act cute. i dont really like people like that. the number of letters one gotta type for " you" is the same as the number of letters for " euu" so why cant people type properly? do they really believe that typing in act cute ways can conceal their true selves and bring out a facade of who they really are? beats me.
Monday, December 17, 2007
5:07 AM
Horoscope 18th december.
Horoscope 18th december.
Scorpio's horoscope for 18'12'07
Give yourself the gift of peace and quiet today. It's not selfish to want to be by yourself, it's healthy. You are in an inward phase now, which will help you recharge your emotional batteries, center yourself, and get better prepared to be there when the people you love need you. Be honest with your needs, and as long as you keep your people in the loop, they'll be cool with you pulling back from your social scene for a little while. Everyone needs a break now and then!
Yes, i really miss all my friends and those days in class just snatching forty winks on the desk, eating peanut butter breads and rushing a maths assignments. those were the days.
4:03 AM
thailand?
thailand?
Over some cookies and tea, my uncle told me that he has a house in thailand. well, and why in thailand? thats because his wife is a thai, and she goes back to Thailand every school holidays so that her daughter is able to go along too. he showed me the videos he took of the house while he was away in thailand ( he's there for about a month) and its really spacious! it was initially a double storey-ed house but he knocked down the second level because his parents-in- law were unable to climb up the stairs and stuff like that. he also told me about many things that they did in thailand. like shooting down bananas using rifles, watching the people there ripping a piggy apart due to some rituals, going to dreamworld, and climbing up some mountains to visit a sacred temple. It sounds really fun, and i thought i may join them the next time they go there since they promised to provide for my lodging and daily expenses.
sorry that im going to side-track from the title again. i cant seems to stick to the title everytime i blog, i guess this is because the thoughts in my mind are all mixed up. i cant seem to separate them into different titles. anyways, i am going to talk about what i wanna do after i get my o levels results. i spent a few minutes thinking about it and decided what i want in the third leg of my education.
So, im going to work towards my ambition. In case you dont know what my ambition is, it is to become a teacher. i wanna teach english ( though my english is not good at all), biology, physics or geography, or even Social Studies. yes i am greedy but hey! im just giving myself more choices(: Yerps, so working towards my goals. If i am able to get into Meridien Junior College with my 'O's results, i'll be so glad. i really like the environment in that school, and i think the facilities aint that shabby. But if i cant get there, my other choice is Serangoon JC. many people ask me, " why serangoon?" the thing is, i dont know also. my mind seems to automatically shuts down on other choices and will only be open to the two JCs mentioned. from there, i'll get to a university, graduate and go to NIE. this is of course, a happy ending ,lol(:
If i cant get into these two JCs? then i'll go to Singapore Poly. i'll take a course that i have some interest in, say, tourism? i dont wannt go into a Poly because i really like the idea of uniforms, not just that though, i also feel that i wont fit into a Poly environment. Dont know why too. i guess i'll work my very best to graduate and then go on to a university. If i cant, i do hope i can go directly from the Poly to NIE. then i'll work towards getting a degree in teaching. maybe i can make it, maybe i cant.
This post is so full of Ifs. this shows that life is so full of uncertaincies. And if you really are my friend, then quit telling me that im clever and that i'll definitely get whatever i want. like those people. those people who says " if you say you cant make it then you're insulting the rest of the cohort." i am not. i just dont get the same feeling of satisfaction after my 'o's compared to how i felt after my prelims. To me, i did well for my prelims, even though i didnt get a 10 and below. i do hope my o levels can be the same too. dont give me so much credit, im not the clever girl. i just work really hard to achieve that score. besides, as mentioned, life is full of uncertaincies, the hardworking is not completely spared of bad luck too.
Probably it all rounds up to the luck. if you're lucky then you'll achieve this and if you're not then too bad. i had this sorta argument with Ms V. tan before. she told me that luck does not matter, its just that if you're hardworking, you'll definitely make it. so i told her that luck does matter. like how i studied so hard last time and failed the SS test by 8 marks. this means that luck fails me? i really think that luck does matter. it really does.
isnt that the reason why people pray or hope? they wish they'll be lucky enough to get this thing or that, or achieve something they really want? Does hope equates to luck?
Wow, i've never blogged so much about my education goals before, lol. gotta run now. see you and ciao~
ear has been deaf for 8 days already. im beginning to get used to this handicapped ear
:D
sorry that im going to side-track from the title again. i cant seems to stick to the title everytime i blog, i guess this is because the thoughts in my mind are all mixed up. i cant seem to separate them into different titles. anyways, i am going to talk about what i wanna do after i get my o levels results. i spent a few minutes thinking about it and decided what i want in the third leg of my education.
So, im going to work towards my ambition. In case you dont know what my ambition is, it is to become a teacher. i wanna teach english ( though my english is not good at all), biology, physics or geography, or even Social Studies. yes i am greedy but hey! im just giving myself more choices(: Yerps, so working towards my goals. If i am able to get into Meridien Junior College with my 'O's results, i'll be so glad. i really like the environment in that school, and i think the facilities aint that shabby. But if i cant get there, my other choice is Serangoon JC. many people ask me, " why serangoon?" the thing is, i dont know also. my mind seems to automatically shuts down on other choices and will only be open to the two JCs mentioned. from there, i'll get to a university, graduate and go to NIE. this is of course, a happy ending ,lol(:
If i cant get into these two JCs? then i'll go to Singapore Poly. i'll take a course that i have some interest in, say, tourism? i dont wannt go into a Poly because i really like the idea of uniforms, not just that though, i also feel that i wont fit into a Poly environment. Dont know why too. i guess i'll work my very best to graduate and then go on to a university. If i cant, i do hope i can go directly from the Poly to NIE. then i'll work towards getting a degree in teaching. maybe i can make it, maybe i cant.
This post is so full of Ifs. this shows that life is so full of uncertaincies. And if you really are my friend, then quit telling me that im clever and that i'll definitely get whatever i want. like those people. those people who says " if you say you cant make it then you're insulting the rest of the cohort." i am not. i just dont get the same feeling of satisfaction after my 'o's compared to how i felt after my prelims. To me, i did well for my prelims, even though i didnt get a 10 and below. i do hope my o levels can be the same too. dont give me so much credit, im not the clever girl. i just work really hard to achieve that score. besides, as mentioned, life is full of uncertaincies, the hardworking is not completely spared of bad luck too.
Probably it all rounds up to the luck. if you're lucky then you'll achieve this and if you're not then too bad. i had this sorta argument with Ms V. tan before. she told me that luck does not matter, its just that if you're hardworking, you'll definitely make it. so i told her that luck does matter. like how i studied so hard last time and failed the SS test by 8 marks. this means that luck fails me? i really think that luck does matter. it really does.
isnt that the reason why people pray or hope? they wish they'll be lucky enough to get this thing or that, or achieve something they really want? Does hope equates to luck?
Wow, i've never blogged so much about my education goals before, lol. gotta run now. see you and ciao~
ear has been deaf for 8 days already. im beginning to get used to this handicapped ear
:D
Saturday, December 15, 2007
11:33 PM
Parents
Parents
Actually i dont have anything to blog about. Maybe i'll blog about.. never mind im just bored to tears. had a conversation with mom a few days back, just remembered it so i thought i'll put it down.
mom: you must find a guy who likes you more than you like him.
me: why?
mom: cuz you wont be so sad or hurt or whatever.
me: then that means dad loves you more than you like him huhs? no wonder he always gives in to you.
mom: nonono i.. we love each other the same, thats why usually when we quarrel, each of us will take a step back to compromise.
me: really? then why cant i find someone who loves me the same as he loves me?
mom: i dont know. learn from previous experience girl. dont be so " ben dan"
me: nothing to learn about, just give and take. is it not?
mom: well actually it is. i cant stand arguing with you. you're so stubborn.
me: same goes to you.
sometimes, i dont talk to my mom that much. probably because she always makes it a point to dig deeper into my affairs when i just really want to keep them in my heart. like keep it a secret.
i dont tak to dad that much also considering that he's never really home when i feel bored.
except, dad cooked for me yesterday.
mom's not feeling well and there's nobody at home.
we didnt have our dinner as a result so dad cooked.
for the first time.
Even though all he cooked is a bowl of myojo's seafood noodles, i really appreciate it(:
off now.. to.. i dont know.
mom: you must find a guy who likes you more than you like him.
me: why?
mom: cuz you wont be so sad or hurt or whatever.
me: then that means dad loves you more than you like him huhs? no wonder he always gives in to you.
mom: nonono i.. we love each other the same, thats why usually when we quarrel, each of us will take a step back to compromise.
me: really? then why cant i find someone who loves me the same as he loves me?
mom: i dont know. learn from previous experience girl. dont be so " ben dan"
me: nothing to learn about, just give and take. is it not?
mom: well actually it is. i cant stand arguing with you. you're so stubborn.
me: same goes to you.
sometimes, i dont talk to my mom that much. probably because she always makes it a point to dig deeper into my affairs when i just really want to keep them in my heart. like keep it a secret.
i dont tak to dad that much also considering that he's never really home when i feel bored.
except, dad cooked for me yesterday.
mom's not feeling well and there's nobody at home.
we didnt have our dinner as a result so dad cooked.
for the first time.
Even though all he cooked is a bowl of myojo's seafood noodles, i really appreciate it(:
off now.. to.. i dont know.
5:14 AM
Embarrassing.
Embarrassing.
This situation is.
it happened yesterday, but i didnt post it so now i am.
anyways, it went like this.
I was preparing to go out with rasina.
Was changing in the room.
in the midst of doing it, i caught a glimpse of a unit in the opposite block.
A big boned old man was looking through a binoculars.
Directly at my unit.
so i panicked and froze there, the tee shirt barely over my head.
composed myself, i matrix-reloaded and dived into my bed.
so that i wont be seen from my window.
i called my mom and told her, thought she'd help me get some justice.
Much to my surprise, she started laughing like hell and told me its my own fault.
i mean like, which mother would laugh at a situation whereby her own daughter is caught naked by a peeping tom.
nopes, in this case, peeping old bug.
now, i've pasted some A4 sized papers on the window ( actually i got this idea from someone who placed A4 papers over his dining mat to prevent it from getting dirty. )
but if i do so, i wont be able to see the scenery outside.
i know the scenery outside is not that fantastic from where my house is but hey! i've got the window bed. surely i cant waste that priviledge?
thinking of installing curtains- well, lets see how everything goes..
but one thing for sure- my mom is wayyy tooo evil.
it happened yesterday, but i didnt post it so now i am.
anyways, it went like this.
I was preparing to go out with rasina.
Was changing in the room.
in the midst of doing it, i caught a glimpse of a unit in the opposite block.
A big boned old man was looking through a binoculars.
Directly at my unit.
so i panicked and froze there, the tee shirt barely over my head.
composed myself, i matrix-reloaded and dived into my bed.
so that i wont be seen from my window.
i called my mom and told her, thought she'd help me get some justice.
Much to my surprise, she started laughing like hell and told me its my own fault.
i mean like, which mother would laugh at a situation whereby her own daughter is caught naked by a peeping tom.
nopes, in this case, peeping old bug.
now, i've pasted some A4 sized papers on the window ( actually i got this idea from someone who placed A4 papers over his dining mat to prevent it from getting dirty. )
but if i do so, i wont be able to see the scenery outside.
i know the scenery outside is not that fantastic from where my house is but hey! i've got the window bed. surely i cant waste that priviledge?
thinking of installing curtains- well, lets see how everything goes..
but one thing for sure- my mom is wayyy tooo evil.
Friday, December 14, 2007
2:43 AM
):
):
HELP.
2:37 AM
Pay Slip
Pay Slip
today, i went back to wintertime to collect my pay.
i did it reluctantly because i didnt feel like i wanna see the manager.
but he didnt make it difficult for me actually.
he's so nice about it.
and guess how much i got for my 4 days of working there?
i got 190 bucks excluding CPF, which is around 28 bucks.
thats quite alot i guess.
now im jobless and miserable.
i didnt apply for PAE even though i was faced with much objections from parents and relatives.
it's okays, its over now.
no use writing about it.
Ear has been deaf for 5 days already.
Sigh
i did it reluctantly because i didnt feel like i wanna see the manager.
but he didnt make it difficult for me actually.
he's so nice about it.
and guess how much i got for my 4 days of working there?
i got 190 bucks excluding CPF, which is around 28 bucks.
thats quite alot i guess.
now im jobless and miserable.
i didnt apply for PAE even though i was faced with much objections from parents and relatives.
it's okays, its over now.
no use writing about it.
Ear has been deaf for 5 days already.
Sigh
Thursday, December 13, 2007
7:04 AM
Same old Same old.
Same old Same old.
the bus seat.
yeah thats what i mean.
i remember it very very clearly.
on the 14th of october, i ran away from the lan shop in pasir ris.
rushed up the 21 bus, sat on a seat right at the back and cried.
i dont think anyone will know the reason why.
i dont think i wanna explain it either.
the feeling was painful, and it still is right now.
just now, i took bus 21 with rasina.
and i dont know why, but i found myself sitting on the same spot.
the spot where i tried to hid from everyone last time.
the spot i cried my heart out.
i wanted so badly to tell rasina about it, but i didnt.
i just kept my mouth shut.
its okays, now i've gotten it out of my chest.
14th october'o6
13th december'o7
memories.
*SIGHHHH*
yeah thats what i mean.
i remember it very very clearly.
on the 14th of october, i ran away from the lan shop in pasir ris.
rushed up the 21 bus, sat on a seat right at the back and cried.
i dont think anyone will know the reason why.
i dont think i wanna explain it either.
the feeling was painful, and it still is right now.
just now, i took bus 21 with rasina.
and i dont know why, but i found myself sitting on the same spot.
the spot where i tried to hid from everyone last time.
the spot i cried my heart out.
i wanted so badly to tell rasina about it, but i didnt.
i just kept my mouth shut.
its okays, now i've gotten it out of my chest.
14th october'o6
13th december'o7
memories.
*SIGHHHH*
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
3:21 AM
Castle in the sky
Castle in the sky
I just watched it, i mean i just finished watching it. it was fantastic. the little boy and girl- they're really brave and the instrumental piece in the background makes the whole movie tearful. most parts are touching - like how the boy always wants to protect the lil girl. do watch if you have the time - you can easily watch it from veoh. so Yups- fantabulous movie with really nice graphics. joel recommended to me another movie- by the same creator or something i guess. its called howls moving castle. i'll watch it soon. and yeah you may have guessed that i gave the job of promoting pads a pass. im simply too tired. my fever has yet to subside and most importantly, im too much of a slob to move out of this computer chair and do something else. no no no. i cant say that of myself. i moved out of this seat just before i watched castle in the sky. i went to the playground and swung myself a lil on the swings. the feeling's great with the strong wind. so sad, they're gonna tear down the swings soon. wish i could be swung away to someplace where there's more excitement. anyways, i find myself always drifting away from the title when i blogged. i should stop now. gonna get my first meal of the day with my parents. not that hungry but i guess i must eat something even though i dont feel like.. ciao people. i'll blog again.
I've yet lost another friend in my life.
the first was the saddest- a close one.
He left as quickly as he came.
Now, edwin. the second friend.
Gone.
why cant i be forgiven?
I've yet lost another friend in my life.
the first was the saddest- a close one.
He left as quickly as he came.
Now, edwin. the second friend.
Gone.
why cant i be forgiven?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
8:09 PM
Unwell.
Unwell.
i feel so lousy at the moment, with this really irritating left ear of mine, a sprained ankle, and a really throbbing headache. on top of all that, i've caught a nasty cold due to the fact that i was soaked to the skin while working on monday. no nasal pills work, and the mucus is like trickling out like nobody's business. i've still got the promoting pads' job later on. i wish i can give it a pass. i really dont feel well. i haven got any appetite to eat too. besides, mom is ill as well- like i said she has a bad case of sore eye and she wont be getting out of her bed to cook. so zilch. i'll give lunch a pass. later yeah? i'll probably end up skipping the job too.
I want to tear out my ear.
P.S before i forgot, happy birthday to you, jake!
(: may all wishes come true.
I want to tear out my ear.
P.S before i forgot, happy birthday to you, jake!
(: may all wishes come true.
3:25 AM
B o r i n ggggg g gg
B o r i n ggggg g gg
Yet another boring day,
if this rainy season continues, life sure will be hell.
Popped over to joel's house today, and watched the anime movie, the girl who leapt through time.
it was nice, quite sad yet funny at the same time. if you have the time, do go and watch it yeah?
then he went to play computer games. i've never really seen anyone played battlefield infront of me so it was something new. he explained certain stuffs to me as he played, and it wasn't boring. it was alright.
to me, the game seems to be very complicated. so many different weapons or guns- those i saw he has- the only one i can remember, is called a sniper. lol. im not an expert with guns so i cant really recall their names. and whats more, you can revive your teammates so they can respawn. joel killed 19 enemies and was killed 19 times.
quite funny, considering the fact that he told me that the number of times you died should not be more than the number of enemies you kill if not it'll be kinda embarrassing.
today is nicholas's birthday. he is a darn nice leader. he treats rasina and i very well.
but i cant work there anymore. not when rasina's mom doesnt allows her to. besides, i gotta promote sanitary pads, remember? Before we left, we handed him a card and he's touched. he pated us on our heads and told us to give our best in everything. it was a really heart warming moment. i think he is 20 plus years old.
i just hope he dont smoke so much. its bad for the lungs and will destroy his pearly white teeth.
Mom is sick today, she had a terrible sore eye i think, this is cuz her right eye ( or is it the left? ) is very red and tears ooze out of it every minute. she just left for the doctor, hope she gets well pretty soon. hate to see anyone sick.
sorry this post is kinda nonsensical, and messy. i havent blogged for two days already so there are many things cooped up in my mind.
actually, there are many things on my mind right now, but when i wanna blogged about them, nothing comes to my mind suddenly. its so ironical.
well, gotta go now i guess. see you soon.
im tired as hell.
tired tired girl who cant sleep at night.
...
if this rainy season continues, life sure will be hell.
Popped over to joel's house today, and watched the anime movie, the girl who leapt through time.
it was nice, quite sad yet funny at the same time. if you have the time, do go and watch it yeah?
then he went to play computer games. i've never really seen anyone played battlefield infront of me so it was something new. he explained certain stuffs to me as he played, and it wasn't boring. it was alright.
to me, the game seems to be very complicated. so many different weapons or guns- those i saw he has- the only one i can remember, is called a sniper. lol. im not an expert with guns so i cant really recall their names. and whats more, you can revive your teammates so they can respawn. joel killed 19 enemies and was killed 19 times.
quite funny, considering the fact that he told me that the number of times you died should not be more than the number of enemies you kill if not it'll be kinda embarrassing.
today is nicholas's birthday. he is a darn nice leader. he treats rasina and i very well.
but i cant work there anymore. not when rasina's mom doesnt allows her to. besides, i gotta promote sanitary pads, remember? Before we left, we handed him a card and he's touched. he pated us on our heads and told us to give our best in everything. it was a really heart warming moment. i think he is 20 plus years old.
i just hope he dont smoke so much. its bad for the lungs and will destroy his pearly white teeth.
Mom is sick today, she had a terrible sore eye i think, this is cuz her right eye ( or is it the left? ) is very red and tears ooze out of it every minute. she just left for the doctor, hope she gets well pretty soon. hate to see anyone sick.
sorry this post is kinda nonsensical, and messy. i havent blogged for two days already so there are many things cooped up in my mind.
actually, there are many things on my mind right now, but when i wanna blogged about them, nothing comes to my mind suddenly. its so ironical.
well, gotta go now i guess. see you soon.
im tired as hell.
tired tired girl who cant sleep at night.
...
Sunday, December 9, 2007
6:18 AM
Deaf.
Deaf.
thats what i am now.
apparently, while digging my ears for me, my mom accidentally pushed the bud too in and now i cant hear a single shit. there's this buzzing sound surrounding my left ear and it really hurts at times. but hey, its pretty cool, to see people talking to me and i cant hear and pretend that i can and tries to smile. in this way, i can avoid any unnecessary quarrels or if they insults me, i can just " take it in my stride" lol. the world may be a greater place when there's a little more silence than those mundane days.
it may, sometimes i guess.
apparently, while digging my ears for me, my mom accidentally pushed the bud too in and now i cant hear a single shit. there's this buzzing sound surrounding my left ear and it really hurts at times. but hey, its pretty cool, to see people talking to me and i cant hear and pretend that i can and tries to smile. in this way, i can avoid any unnecessary quarrels or if they insults me, i can just " take it in my stride" lol. the world may be a greater place when there's a little more silence than those mundane days.
it may, sometimes i guess.
5:38 AM
The candy cane story
The candy cane story
hey there.
yesterday, i worked for this charity thingy like i said right?
yeah i met a couple of nice people, one of them is andy.
he is 17 and he applied for PAE too.
yishun innova and serangoon.
and in between, nearing to the end of it,
there came two ladies.
they asked if we could spare a moment and they distributed candy canes to us.
and they told us of the candy cane story.i didnt mind even though im not a jesus follower.
i just sat there and listened.
kinda meaningful actually.
i'll like to share it with everyone,
wanna hear about it? (:
hmm here goes.
"the christmas candy cane" was invented by a candy maker in indianan who wanted to make a candy that would be a witness for his savior and speak the meaning of christmas? what do the colours represent?
white: he began with a pure white candy to symbolize the virgin birth and the sinless nature of jesus. he is god's gift from heaven to our world.
why is it hard?
the fact that its made of hard candy means something too.
this symbolize the firmness if the promises god makes to all humankind and that he is as solid as a rock for us to build our lives on.
Shape?
the candy is in the form of a "J" for the name of jesus whose birthday the christians celebrate at christmas. it is also shaped like a staff, carried by the shepherds who visited jesus that first christmas night as well as a symbol to represent of the staf of the good shepherd.
why is it striped? try to think of why it is as i go along okays?
if you look closely at the candy cane, you'll notice a large red stripe and three smaller stripes. the three thin stripes represent the wounds jesus received on his back when he was whipped repeatedly by the soldiers. he was bruised so that all who believed in him would be made well and complete... the large red stripe is a reminder of the blood jesus shed when crucified. He bled, died and rose from the dead so that anyone who trusts in him will have his sins forgiven and after dying, rises up to live with Him forever...
good and sweet?
the candy is good sweet and is loved by all. that too is part of the story. you see, jesus is good and sweet and longs to be loved by all too.
lasting? the candy lasts a long time, but not like jesus who is forever, one day, those who believe in him will go to live with him forever.
so the next time you pop a candy cane into your mouth and crunch it up into tiny bits, think of this story okays? though i may be a Buddhist but i do respect all the beliefs of the others. besides, i love candy canes too(:
gotta run. another day of work tomorrow. hopefully it wont be with the previous leader. she freaked me out. ugh.
X crossing my fingers X
yesterday, i worked for this charity thingy like i said right?
yeah i met a couple of nice people, one of them is andy.
he is 17 and he applied for PAE too.
yishun innova and serangoon.
and in between, nearing to the end of it,
there came two ladies.
they asked if we could spare a moment and they distributed candy canes to us.
and they told us of the candy cane story.i didnt mind even though im not a jesus follower.
i just sat there and listened.
kinda meaningful actually.
i'll like to share it with everyone,
wanna hear about it? (:
hmm here goes.
"the christmas candy cane" was invented by a candy maker in indianan who wanted to make a candy that would be a witness for his savior and speak the meaning of christmas? what do the colours represent?
white: he began with a pure white candy to symbolize the virgin birth and the sinless nature of jesus. he is god's gift from heaven to our world.
why is it hard?
the fact that its made of hard candy means something too.
this symbolize the firmness if the promises god makes to all humankind and that he is as solid as a rock for us to build our lives on.
Shape?
the candy is in the form of a "J" for the name of jesus whose birthday the christians celebrate at christmas. it is also shaped like a staff, carried by the shepherds who visited jesus that first christmas night as well as a symbol to represent of the staf of the good shepherd.
why is it striped? try to think of why it is as i go along okays?
if you look closely at the candy cane, you'll notice a large red stripe and three smaller stripes. the three thin stripes represent the wounds jesus received on his back when he was whipped repeatedly by the soldiers. he was bruised so that all who believed in him would be made well and complete... the large red stripe is a reminder of the blood jesus shed when crucified. He bled, died and rose from the dead so that anyone who trusts in him will have his sins forgiven and after dying, rises up to live with Him forever...
good and sweet?
the candy is good sweet and is loved by all. that too is part of the story. you see, jesus is good and sweet and longs to be loved by all too.
lasting? the candy lasts a long time, but not like jesus who is forever, one day, those who believe in him will go to live with him forever.
so the next time you pop a candy cane into your mouth and crunch it up into tiny bits, think of this story okays? though i may be a Buddhist but i do respect all the beliefs of the others. besides, i love candy canes too(:
gotta run. another day of work tomorrow. hopefully it wont be with the previous leader. she freaked me out. ugh.
X crossing my fingers X
Saturday, December 8, 2007
5:53 AM
Horoscopes.
Horoscopes.
for today: 8/12/07.
here goes:
A person from your past might be holding you back from enjoying your present -- or rather, the memories of this person are keeping you from moving forward. Are you stuck in the past? Yes, it's important to understand how old relationships or old choices can affect you today, but you could run the risk of getting stuck in nostalgia. Not much can get done when all you do is compare your current life to the life you used to have. Put away the photo albums and decide to live your life walking forward.
for tomorrow, 9/12/07
here goes:
The lure of sweet memories can be irresistible -- but it is also dangerous. Getting caught up in the past is not something you should be doing right now -- there are too many important opportunities fluttering just outside your periphery. Unless you look around and explore your life in the present, you are never going to see clearly. Put away your old photo albums, pack up your journals and get back to living here in the moment. Make plans for your future than have nothing to do with your past.
maybe it is believable.
i think im nuts.
nutcase.
nutcase.
jerk.
me.
!!!!!
here goes:
A person from your past might be holding you back from enjoying your present -- or rather, the memories of this person are keeping you from moving forward. Are you stuck in the past? Yes, it's important to understand how old relationships or old choices can affect you today, but you could run the risk of getting stuck in nostalgia. Not much can get done when all you do is compare your current life to the life you used to have. Put away the photo albums and decide to live your life walking forward.
for tomorrow, 9/12/07
here goes:
The lure of sweet memories can be irresistible -- but it is also dangerous. Getting caught up in the past is not something you should be doing right now -- there are too many important opportunities fluttering just outside your periphery. Unless you look around and explore your life in the present, you are never going to see clearly. Put away your old photo albums, pack up your journals and get back to living here in the moment. Make plans for your future than have nothing to do with your past.
maybe it is believable.
i think im nuts.
nutcase.
nutcase.
jerk.
me.
!!!!!
5:40 AM
Extending a helping hand.
Extending a helping hand.
i did my share for the society today.
i helped to ask people to donate to the we-careshare society.
and the best thing was, i did it just cuz i want to do it.
i didnt even care about whether will i get the pay for a day.
and yeah, it felt damn good.
going back on monday to finish up my second booklet,
earning a total of 60 bucks for two days.
and i'll be starting the sanitary pads' job on tuesday.
maybe it'll be alternating between this charity job and the pads' one.
it doesnt matter to me that the people walked past me even when i was talking to them
as though i was brought up eating glass-
making me transparent so they couldnt see me.
its alright.
and im so sorry edwin.
i totally forgot about the watching movie with you kinda date.
i stood you up.
i know. im such a jerk.
how could i even forget?
im the stupidest girl in the entire world.
sorry.
i helped to ask people to donate to the we-careshare society.
and the best thing was, i did it just cuz i want to do it.
i didnt even care about whether will i get the pay for a day.
and yeah, it felt damn good.
going back on monday to finish up my second booklet,
earning a total of 60 bucks for two days.
and i'll be starting the sanitary pads' job on tuesday.
maybe it'll be alternating between this charity job and the pads' one.
it doesnt matter to me that the people walked past me even when i was talking to them
as though i was brought up eating glass-
making me transparent so they couldnt see me.
its alright.
and im so sorry edwin.
i totally forgot about the watching movie with you kinda date.
i stood you up.
i know. im such a jerk.
how could i even forget?
im the stupidest girl in the entire world.
sorry.
Friday, December 7, 2007
7:21 AM
7/12/07
7/12/07
oh i forgot to put in my horoscope for today.
it just doesnt seemed to be right?
and who does the horoscope refers to?
here it goes:
An off-the-cuff comment will reveal a strong connection between you and someone else, and you will know immediately that they have something you need. This could be something romantic, but it could also be professional. When you feel that satisfying emotional 'click' today, you will know that it is time to stay put and not go on any farther -- what you have been waiting for is finally here and there is no need to waste any more time looking for something better. For now, this is exactly what you need.
im a litle convinced that this horoscope shit is fake.
-.-
it just doesnt seemed to be right?
and who does the horoscope refers to?
here it goes:
An off-the-cuff comment will reveal a strong connection between you and someone else, and you will know immediately that they have something you need. This could be something romantic, but it could also be professional. When you feel that satisfying emotional 'click' today, you will know that it is time to stay put and not go on any farther -- what you have been waiting for is finally here and there is no need to waste any more time looking for something better. For now, this is exactly what you need.
im a litle convinced that this horoscope shit is fake.
-.-
6:42 AM
Frank.
Frank.
this post is really frank.
it goes on about what i feel. so here goes.
firstly, it has been like around 6 months since i was dumped. and sometimes i feel that hey, i got over it. but sometimes, when i felt alone and all that and had plenty of time to think, i'll go rocketing back to the hidden room locked in the back of my mind. those memories and then i'll feel real lousy, and everything seems to fall apart right infront of me. like when my dad and mom lectured me last time about the untidiness of the room and how i should set an example, i barely listened. instead my mind wandered to those days again and i felt like a total shit.
So, have i gotten over it? have i?
this i am not sure, its the question i've been asking myself over a million times
i feel like i have because i do feel all cheery and bubbly when i wake up someday and think of the lovely day ahead.
but you dont exactly get over being dumped by your ex boyfriend when all you do is think of how he's spending his day, and if he's playing too much computer games.
i know i know.
this shouldnt even have bothered me because we're not even closely related now.
i shouldnt even be worrying about stuffs like that.
but how much longer do i have to convince myself that i really have to get my ass and doofus mind out of this phase once and for all?
everybody says " move on move on"
but how the fuck do i go about doing that? nobody tells me how.
i just wander around and eventually get myself back to the same old spot again and again.
sometimes i push those bloody visions and memories out of my mind and distract myself with my friends' company. sometimes, it works and momentarily my life feels much lighter.
but at times, i really cant.
cuz i cant even tell them what i feel.
i remember i even cried in class one time, when rasina said to me " you can tell me you know. its not as though i wont understand."
i held back them back but those disloyal tears rolled down my cheeks and seeped into my lips - salty as ever.
And i dont think i wanna get into a relationship now.
i just dont like the idea of having someone so close to you and then suddenly,
out of the blue, you're completely cut off from him because We Broke Up.
its scary, i cant imagine myself going through all those again.
to put it simple, its hurtful.
we were like together for almost a year, and its kinda difficult to suddenly become single.
live single.
when single, i cant seem to find who i really am.
like, if i need to really have that someone?
or do i feel better being single?
im caught in the middle, only that the path that i can take is being single.
And its difficult to find a boyfriend,
who all he cares about is how he looks in public,
whats the newest pair of shoes, newest handphone or what.
im not really into those chaps.
and because im just not those sort of girl.
im not the sort of girl who wears all pretty and is dolled up everytime she goes out.
nopes, i go out in my trail slippers instead of high heels, i dont wear really pretty like tights and the latest fashion.
i go out in the next available pair of denim shorts or what and tee shirt or a tank if too warm.
this is also cuz my mom says im not any superstar or what. i dont need to change into so many pairs of clothings everytime i go out.
and i dont change my earrings to match my outfit.
zilch. i dont give a damn to what earrings i wear.
and i dont put on any make up.
not even when i went for prom last time.
im just not into these stuffs.
sigh.
maybe im not normal as in normalnormal like other girls.
i need self actualization.
to find out who i want to be.
or who i am now.
and what i want.
where i want to begin my third leg of education.
sometimes, i dont feel like any of this is real.
because nobody seems to feel the way i feel.
sigh
i wish i can find the words to convince myself that i'll really make it.
to whatever i want for myself.
the cliche saying'd be listen to your heart and let it takes you to wherever is best.
but sometimes, following your heart just isn't enough?
sorry about this angsty post.
maybe i really am too emotional?
but its highly impossible?
im not even having the time of the month so...
*arrggg*
goodnight!
i need sleep. sleep . sleep.
it goes on about what i feel. so here goes.
firstly, it has been like around 6 months since i was dumped. and sometimes i feel that hey, i got over it. but sometimes, when i felt alone and all that and had plenty of time to think, i'll go rocketing back to the hidden room locked in the back of my mind. those memories and then i'll feel real lousy, and everything seems to fall apart right infront of me. like when my dad and mom lectured me last time about the untidiness of the room and how i should set an example, i barely listened. instead my mind wandered to those days again and i felt like a total shit.
So, have i gotten over it? have i?
this i am not sure, its the question i've been asking myself over a million times
i feel like i have because i do feel all cheery and bubbly when i wake up someday and think of the lovely day ahead.
but you dont exactly get over being dumped by your ex boyfriend when all you do is think of how he's spending his day, and if he's playing too much computer games.
i know i know.
this shouldnt even have bothered me because we're not even closely related now.
i shouldnt even be worrying about stuffs like that.
but how much longer do i have to convince myself that i really have to get my ass and doofus mind out of this phase once and for all?
everybody says " move on move on"
but how the fuck do i go about doing that? nobody tells me how.
i just wander around and eventually get myself back to the same old spot again and again.
sometimes i push those bloody visions and memories out of my mind and distract myself with my friends' company. sometimes, it works and momentarily my life feels much lighter.
but at times, i really cant.
cuz i cant even tell them what i feel.
i remember i even cried in class one time, when rasina said to me " you can tell me you know. its not as though i wont understand."
i held back them back but those disloyal tears rolled down my cheeks and seeped into my lips - salty as ever.
And i dont think i wanna get into a relationship now.
i just dont like the idea of having someone so close to you and then suddenly,
out of the blue, you're completely cut off from him because We Broke Up.
its scary, i cant imagine myself going through all those again.
to put it simple, its hurtful.
we were like together for almost a year, and its kinda difficult to suddenly become single.
live single.
when single, i cant seem to find who i really am.
like, if i need to really have that someone?
or do i feel better being single?
im caught in the middle, only that the path that i can take is being single.
And its difficult to find a boyfriend,
who all he cares about is how he looks in public,
whats the newest pair of shoes, newest handphone or what.
im not really into those chaps.
and because im just not those sort of girl.
im not the sort of girl who wears all pretty and is dolled up everytime she goes out.
nopes, i go out in my trail slippers instead of high heels, i dont wear really pretty like tights and the latest fashion.
i go out in the next available pair of denim shorts or what and tee shirt or a tank if too warm.
this is also cuz my mom says im not any superstar or what. i dont need to change into so many pairs of clothings everytime i go out.
and i dont change my earrings to match my outfit.
zilch. i dont give a damn to what earrings i wear.
and i dont put on any make up.
not even when i went for prom last time.
im just not into these stuffs.
sigh.
maybe im not normal as in normalnormal like other girls.
i need self actualization.
to find out who i want to be.
or who i am now.
and what i want.
where i want to begin my third leg of education.
sometimes, i dont feel like any of this is real.
because nobody seems to feel the way i feel.
sigh
i wish i can find the words to convince myself that i'll really make it.
to whatever i want for myself.
the cliche saying'd be listen to your heart and let it takes you to wherever is best.
but sometimes, following your heart just isn't enough?
sorry about this angsty post.
maybe i really am too emotional?
but its highly impossible?
im not even having the time of the month so...
*arrggg*
goodnight!
i need sleep. sleep . sleep.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
9:48 PM
7th december.
7th december.
today is a boring day.
everyday is a boring day.
im so so bored.
i just sent my application over to volunteer my time at the children society.
hope i can really help.
*crossing my fingers*
i think im gonna find some other stuffs to do.
ummm, but i dont know what.
i'll think of something,
in the meantime let me just ponder.
Argg.
sorry for the nonsensical post.
im off now to think.
byes!
everyday is a boring day.
im so so bored.
i just sent my application over to volunteer my time at the children society.
hope i can really help.
*crossing my fingers*
i think im gonna find some other stuffs to do.
ummm, but i dont know what.
i'll think of something,
in the meantime let me just ponder.
Argg.
sorry for the nonsensical post.
im off now to think.
byes!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
9:13 PM
taylor swift - i'd lie
taylor swift - i'd lie
hmm, i love this song. its kinda nice.
go to this website to listen to it if you want to?
(:
http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=m0aaiNleA6n1GRv5qFmb
go to this website to listen to it if you want to?
(:
http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=m0aaiNleA6n1GRv5qFmb
8:29 PM
Sandcastle day- those memories.
Sandcastle day- those memories.
this is the group of us,
william, me, mildred, jenny, cetrina, jiahan and shaun.
it was really kinda fun.
considering the fact that i was never interested in castle making.
(:
william, me, mildred, jenny, cetrina, jiahan and shaun.
it was really kinda fun.
considering the fact that i was never interested in castle making.
(:
8:09 PM
....
....
i cant seem to think of a title for this.
but i chanced upon it while i was surfing the net,
i simply had nothing better to do.
no offence to joseph,
but you really looked cuter when you're younger(:
7:45 PM
HUGE EEYORE
HUGE EEYORE
lol, i got a kinda big eeyore from my little cousin, lynn, yesterday.
it's the large version of the eeyore joel and cassan got for me 2 years back.
its really cute and i really love it, thanks.
now there're so many plush toys on my bed, i cant decide which stays and which go.
currently, the plush toys there are,
1) tatty ( me to you bear)
2) joel's eeyore
3) brown bear from sister
4) old beanie bear from dad.
5) huge eeyore from lynn.
they are taking up space, not to mention my bolster ( with the moo moo cow cover ^^) , my pillow and my bobdog's comforter.
yes im uber childish. many teenagers this age would have already changed to star prints or simple designs for their bedspread. lol sorry that i still prefer cows printed all over my bed.
Anyways, my aunt is gonna treat me to a movie, hitman. some say its nice, but some say the game is better?
Yeah, edwin also asked me out this coming Saturday to watch golden compass. truthfully, i have got no intention of watching the movie but well, lets see how it goes. if im extremely bored then i'll just go for it?
oh next thing would be the orphanage thingy i remember posting about.
i think im gonna volunteer my time there - its some children society.
i guess i'll just be a tutor - must be there for at least 6 months - 1 tuition session each week.
i think i can commit?
oh before it slipped my mind, i got the job of promoting sanitary pads at bedok marketplace - the shop n save. i dont even know if i'll enjoy it.
but the person said that if, after 3 days, i dont like it, i can quit and just get the pay for the 3 days.
basic pay = $5/- per hour and commission of the pads i've promoted.
hope it doesnt gets too tiring and Boring.
ciao for now~
(:
it's the large version of the eeyore joel and cassan got for me 2 years back.
its really cute and i really love it, thanks.
now there're so many plush toys on my bed, i cant decide which stays and which go.
currently, the plush toys there are,
1) tatty ( me to you bear)
2) joel's eeyore
3) brown bear from sister
4) old beanie bear from dad.
5) huge eeyore from lynn.
they are taking up space, not to mention my bolster ( with the moo moo cow cover ^^) , my pillow and my bobdog's comforter.
yes im uber childish. many teenagers this age would have already changed to star prints or simple designs for their bedspread. lol sorry that i still prefer cows printed all over my bed.
Anyways, my aunt is gonna treat me to a movie, hitman. some say its nice, but some say the game is better?
Yeah, edwin also asked me out this coming Saturday to watch golden compass. truthfully, i have got no intention of watching the movie but well, lets see how it goes. if im extremely bored then i'll just go for it?
oh next thing would be the orphanage thingy i remember posting about.
i think im gonna volunteer my time there - its some children society.
i guess i'll just be a tutor - must be there for at least 6 months - 1 tuition session each week.
i think i can commit?
oh before it slipped my mind, i got the job of promoting sanitary pads at bedok marketplace - the shop n save. i dont even know if i'll enjoy it.
but the person said that if, after 3 days, i dont like it, i can quit and just get the pay for the 3 days.
basic pay = $5/- per hour and commission of the pads i've promoted.
hope it doesnt gets too tiring and Boring.
ciao for now~
(:
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
10:14 PM
orphanages.
orphanages.
i would like to visit an orphanage in singapore to volunteer my time and help.
but i dont really know how i can go about looking for them. besides, nobody wants to go with me because most feel that its a waste or time or they rather just want to use their time to work.
And why orphanage?
because i've been to quite a number of old folks' home like kheng chiu and jamiyah just to name a few- and so i thought you know,just try going to orphanage to see how it goes. besides, im okays with elderly but i think i'll click better with kids.
hope i'll be able to find one.
if there is really nobody willing to go with me, i think i can try persuading my brother to go with me. anything it takes, even bribery.
but i dont really know how i can go about looking for them. besides, nobody wants to go with me because most feel that its a waste or time or they rather just want to use their time to work.
And why orphanage?
because i've been to quite a number of old folks' home like kheng chiu and jamiyah just to name a few- and so i thought you know,just try going to orphanage to see how it goes. besides, im okays with elderly but i think i'll click better with kids.
hope i'll be able to find one.
if there is really nobody willing to go with me, i think i can try persuading my brother to go with me. anything it takes, even bribery.
9:48 PM
Mosquitos' food.
Mosquitos' food.
Well, that'll be us.
eileen loo, gavin ng, rasinafarvin and lian huiting.
bitten by dozens of mosquitoes in the sungei buloh wetland reserve.
we didnt know our blood were so tasty or sweet or juicy,
*scratch scratch*
yeah we didnt leave just our footprints, i guess we left a great deal of blood behind too.
though we did take some photographs cuz the scenery's 'mazing. the trees and the lakes and ponds..
oh, we saw some huge lizard like reptiles. and it camouflaged so well, that we didnt even realize that it was right infront of us. and the squirrels, they're so cute. some of them are red bellied too. we couldnt snap a picture of it because it ran away so swiftly at the slightest snap of a twig.
anyway, the visit was purely last minute, it was arranged then cancelled and then arranged again. so yeah, its nice. do go if you can, the ticket is only 50 cents for students and a dollar for adults.
not feeling that well, i've got a fever.
staying home today i suppose.
'sides, its raining heavily,
eileen loo, gavin ng, rasinafarvin and lian huiting.
bitten by dozens of mosquitoes in the sungei buloh wetland reserve.
we didnt know our blood were so tasty or sweet or juicy,
*scratch scratch*
yeah we didnt leave just our footprints, i guess we left a great deal of blood behind too.
though we did take some photographs cuz the scenery's 'mazing. the trees and the lakes and ponds..
oh, we saw some huge lizard like reptiles. and it camouflaged so well, that we didnt even realize that it was right infront of us. and the squirrels, they're so cute. some of them are red bellied too. we couldnt snap a picture of it because it ran away so swiftly at the slightest snap of a twig.
anyway i really had tons of fun, thanks people. you all really made my day.
and i'll always remember when we shout;
" juicy day! juicy day!"
when we motivated ourselves to walk further.
cheers, thanks for the memories (:
anyway, the visit was purely last minute, it was arranged then cancelled and then arranged again. so yeah, its nice. do go if you can, the ticket is only 50 cents for students and a dollar for adults.
not feeling that well, i've got a fever.
staying home today i suppose.
'sides, its raining heavily,
Sunday, December 2, 2007
8:34 PM
ummm, Life Lessons? :)
ummm, Life Lessons? :)
Life can get you down
Fate can be an ass
You can’t even tell
If this moment will be your last
There’s nothing left to do
When you’ve been sucked out dry
You can’t even find a reason
For the tears that you have cried
There’s hurt inside that you can’t see
The pain of broken souls
It pointless to try and catch the light
When your net is filled with holes
..... to be continued?
sorry this is an incomplete one. no inspiration to continue any further but i kinda like the first part so i decided to post it.
Fate can be an ass
You can’t even tell
If this moment will be your last
There’s nothing left to do
When you’ve been sucked out dry
You can’t even find a reason
For the tears that you have cried
There’s hurt inside that you can’t see
The pain of broken souls
It pointless to try and catch the light
When your net is filled with holes
..... to be continued?
sorry this is an incomplete one. no inspiration to continue any further but i kinda like the first part so i decided to post it.
9:09 AM
INUYASHA(:
INUYASHA(:
woots, inuyasha, my all time favourite anime!
he is uber cute,
i love him~
he is a half demon, the story follows that kikyo- a priestess sealed him to a tree for trying to steal the sacred jewel so that he can become a full fledged demon. In the process, kikyo dies and she's burnt along with the sacred jewel. then 50 years later, kagome comes along- through a well which brings her back to the feudal era. she then released inuyasha from the tree in order so that he can save her from some kinda evil demon. in the process, the sacred jewel shattered into shards and they set out to gather all of them, along with friends sango, shippo, miroku and kirara. and of course, to kill the oh-so-evil naraku. pretty nice, exciting.
6:37 AM
Blogs.
Blogs.
hmmm, yes much to my delight, someone actually replied a post to my blog.
thanks that was pure enjoyment and i simply feel entertained.
well, since i had nothing to do at the moment, maybe i should try to dissect the situation about those bloggy thingy.
1) fancy backgrounds, i say?
well, it is purely a must for all teenagers and ridiculous fanatics.
well, i understand that people like their sorta pour-out-feelings-place to be pretty and all done up. i mean, if i had a book for a diary i'd prefer a colourful one rather than a boring one. but, as said since yesteryears, one man's meat is another man's poison. since im basically pouring out my thoughts on gibberish fancy backgrounds, i dont suppose anyone can try to correct me on that.
2) did i say music for 2 in my previous post?
oh yeah- i did.
what is a blog, may i ask?
its a diary. for people to record their daily-s and feelings aka emotions.
when you write in a book for your diary, do you prefer musical books with those irritating trinkly music going on? yes, people may support their fans, but its beyond my comprehension why people would put music there just so they can show their support- so does that make their blog a kinda for-people-to-read- sorta thing? hmm, then its questionable if the things posted there are actually real. well, who knows? oh and yeah, read the first point last two lines. its a repetition.
3)again, tagboards- for people to converse with the blogger. but, why do people have rules saying things like " tag before you go, its a must!" then its not conversing - it is a return favour to the blogger for being able to read their so called blogs. i think that's utterly incredulous. and i dont see the need to convince you if you're thinking the ridiculous otherwise.
4) oh lastly, disgraceful language.
why cant people type normal. they try to act cute like using " euu" for "you". that makes the blog just a for-people-to-read-purpose. the blogger either is not respecting the blog itself, or not giving himself enough credit for being able to type normally. well, thats all and for every point you can just add on with the last two sentences from point 1.
lastly, please do not rip off words from my blog. i absolutely hate people who do that.
words like gibberish and aggrytiny are words i create for my own use. please do not just take them and use them like nobody's business.
please respect my blog, and I
oh and any content in this post is not subjected to anyone whatsoever. it is purely for my own entertainment when i read this 30 years down the road.
goodnight.
thanks that was pure enjoyment and i simply feel entertained.
well, since i had nothing to do at the moment, maybe i should try to dissect the situation about those bloggy thingy.
1) fancy backgrounds, i say?
well, it is purely a must for all teenagers and ridiculous fanatics.
well, i understand that people like their sorta pour-out-feelings-place to be pretty and all done up. i mean, if i had a book for a diary i'd prefer a colourful one rather than a boring one. but, as said since yesteryears, one man's meat is another man's poison. since im basically pouring out my thoughts on gibberish fancy backgrounds, i dont suppose anyone can try to correct me on that.
2) did i say music for 2 in my previous post?
oh yeah- i did.
what is a blog, may i ask?
its a diary. for people to record their daily-s and feelings aka emotions.
when you write in a book for your diary, do you prefer musical books with those irritating trinkly music going on? yes, people may support their fans, but its beyond my comprehension why people would put music there just so they can show their support- so does that make their blog a kinda for-people-to-read- sorta thing? hmm, then its questionable if the things posted there are actually real. well, who knows? oh and yeah, read the first point last two lines. its a repetition.
3)again, tagboards- for people to converse with the blogger. but, why do people have rules saying things like " tag before you go, its a must!" then its not conversing - it is a return favour to the blogger for being able to read their so called blogs. i think that's utterly incredulous. and i dont see the need to convince you if you're thinking the ridiculous otherwise.
4) oh lastly, disgraceful language.
why cant people type normal. they try to act cute like using " euu" for "you". that makes the blog just a for-people-to-read-purpose. the blogger either is not respecting the blog itself, or not giving himself enough credit for being able to type normally. well, thats all and for every point you can just add on with the last two sentences from point 1.
lastly, please do not rip off words from my blog. i absolutely hate people who do that.
words like gibberish and aggrytiny are words i create for my own use. please do not just take them and use them like nobody's business.
please respect my blog, and I
oh and any content in this post is not subjected to anyone whatsoever. it is purely for my own entertainment when i read this 30 years down the road.
goodnight.