has it been a very long time already? i dont quite remember when was the last time i added a post. hmm,busy period of my life lol. O LEVELS> study like hell for what? was so demoralized yesterday because i dont really know how to do the geography paper. i mean i studied so hard for it and in the end i dont know how to do? sad. walked home with rasina,we went to buy chocolates. then,yesterday- whole day slacked at home. so so tired. exhausted already.
today is the 26th. if you peeps ever remember. 26th has been a very special day for me always. but not since the last few months. when i spend all the 26ths of each month alone. that day at the library. i saw the wallet that i bought for him for his birthday. hui yee bought the same thing for edmund. dont know why. i was damn sad. quite some stuffs have happened before the o levels. and its because of those tiny stuffs that i've decided to move on. no point staying here when you're the only one alone- you know? anyways,im sure evryone will do well for o levels. i just dont happen to be part of the everyone.
thats okays. worse comes to worse,i'll go for a poly? its not like i have a choice. life is never what i want it to be. those who say that; they're uber hypocritical.
no point trying to lie about me living in my utopia. because this is reality and reality is cruel. im here alone.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
5:20 AM
approaching fear ; anxiety
hmm, im scared. quite. o level is just next week. monday- a maths already. many people tell me that it'll be over before i know it. but i really wanna do well. am i studying hard? the thing is,i dont even know. i think i am studying? i mean yes i do study but am i really good enough? am i prepared for the last hurdle in front of me? besides,time is really not with all of us. i wanna do well. maintain my results from preliminaries.
sigh. many people told me he changed. told me they dont like him. stuffs like that. i dont like to hear people talking bad about him even though we're not together. and i hate mr lee for rubbing into my plight. im sad enough things like that happen to me. yes i was dumped,but he dont have to rub into it. bloody asshole. why cant he just shut up? hmmm,today is grandma's and aunt beelan's birthday. cool right? imagine giving birth to your child on your birthday? hahas. well,my birthday is coming soon too. next month :9 12.11. stupid o level. ends on the 13th. sigh. i'll be receiving one less present. last time,the present that i always look forward to would be his. now,its gone. everything has changed. he is just a thing of the past already. let go the bygones and meet the future. bye bye past. here comes o level. wish me luck!
good luck to everyone! wish you all: all the best~ JIAYOUS :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
9:43 PM
Whats left of us?
this is damn sad. today is the last day of school. before the o levels. last day when we will all have lessons together. laugh together,talk to each other. when mrs loke walked around to shake our hands and wished us luck just now. i felt so sad. its like everything in damai is coming to a close. all these 4 years. had so much fun. and when mr poon made that meaningful speech, i swear my heart did those kinda fluttering thingy when im sad. as though its turning in my ribs. then i remembered about joseph and i. and how we ended with us being strangers. its not wierd alr i guess i've already put it all behind me. but the saddest part is of course us not being able to even be friends. suck shit. celebrated those pple born in october november and december just now. didnt wanna eat the cake,looked tempting but i forgoed it. gave it to joel. but its not cuz im evil and i want him to get fatter than me. hmm, maybe its also that reason. but most of all. i really dont wanna eat it cuz my throat is kinda bad. feels scratchy and itchy. well,i gotta go now. eating my lunch. rice~ blog later. 11 more days to o levels. 27 more days to liberation day.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
5:44 AM
poem- single.
LOL. funny? stupid poet in me. i simply love poetry. Love is a funny thing. So it is said. It brings out the parts of us that we all dread. We have been there before. The pain is so real. It has made our bodies numb To this warmth that we feel. At least when alone there is no one to bring pain. Our aloneness has a love of its own In an empty kind of way A love of solitude A love to be free Of all of those burdens That a relationship may bring. To try love again, What price would there be? To lose this solitaire feeling That has made the soul free. To fly alone no more But to fly wing to wing. This togetherness could be Costly somehow it seems. But remember once more To that love long ago. Has there not been enough time To let your feelings flow. Once more to another Who returns them to you. Once more to love again And be loved too. To share your solitude With another lonely soul. Together the two of you Can make your lives whole. Two halves brought together To bring joy once again To the souls thought lost forever In loves senseless game.
5:30 AM
" eileen loo's ex boyboy"
hmm,blogging again. had loadsa fun today with mr phoa. gavin,rasina,hui ting and i went to mac with mr phoa. he taught us physics. uber funny. he wore a huge shirt that says "perth" and shorts like berms. he looks sorta gay-ish, no offence, but he's really nice. and it was really fun. he had some problems in his love life AND HE ACTUALLY KNEW MY EX BOYBOY WAS JOSEPH. made me blush and flush and go pink in the cheeks. well they all mean the same lol. gonna watch resident evil later. hurhurs, had gotten ready my packet of chips. WOOTS~ RESIDENT EVIL! HERE I COME!
Friday, October 5, 2007
5:27 AM
Death and funeral.
hmm,so much has happened this week. i dont even know how to begin telling you. how about lets just start with i've dealt with too many blows this week? the first blow would be that my grand uncle passed away. he had pneunomia and suddenly passed away. i was sad. it was the first time i actually saw something being cremated right infront of me. i just couldnt take it, choked back my tears. this incident made me realise the fragility of life, and how we must cherish all the time and the love ones around you. i dont take anyone for granted. its just im wondering if someday i really die, without telling anyone how i feel inside me, my words not heard and stuffs, would my life be that of a wasted one? it would be a sad one because im never sought for opinions? i dont know.
the second blow would be that; MY PRELIMS RESULTS SUCKS. i got 12 for L1R5 and 8 for L1R4. but its not that. i got second in class but eleventh in the level,. i couldnt get the five hundred bucks i got every year): FUCK. he did well. he got second in the entire level. and i felt a lil pissed. not just because i lost. its because of the fact that i had wasted my studying time feeling all sad about him and he had no conscience enough to do the same to me but instead used his time "wisely" and had concentrated on his studies. why did this happen man? my family needs the 5oo bucks. and he is letting all these get to his head,. whats the point of trying to appear humble and all when you start telling people of how good you score and stuffs? its absurd and he gotta know that his subjects are easy. nevermind. people will think that im some green eyed monster if i continue to rant like this. gonna stop here. ohs anyways i went to meridian junior college today for their open house. it was uber fun. love all my friends(: hmmm too exhausted. i wanna go to bed now. goodnight and ciaos~ P.S. might not be posting for a long time to come cuz i'll be busy preparing for my o levels which is like only 2 weeks away, wish me lucks!`