EILEEN LOO YI ZHEN;
Saturday, September 29, 2007
8:34 PM
Slowing Carousel.
Slowing Carousel.
i wrote it myself. is it nice?
i dont know its sad.
It's not like I'm not used to it
You do it all the time
Pick me up, then throw me out
Like I'm not worth a dime
Well hey, we were in love
But not quite like this
Those days that are long past
I admit I surely miss
The world smiles upside down
Words are nothing but lies
What happens when all you do
Makes a result where someone cries
Did someone just say that's unusual?
Well they don't give a damn
Hearts constantly drown in pain
While the strong, away they swam
Pardon me, I choke a lot
There's just too much to say
When I want to scream out
I just let you walk away
Is it because I'm not good enough?
It's like a tragedy written just for you
But when you step onto that stage
There's nothing you can do
The sun, it stings my eyes
So does your smile
Its a scar I wanted to bleed
Because I knew you were worth while
Yet everything has fallen apart
The painted light it breaks
Why couldn't I see this life
Could only make so much mistakes
But hey it's over now
I hope you're doing well
What happened to me?
No one can truly tell
The music is fading fast
Like a slowing carousel
Hate me like you always wanted to
I deserve to be in hell
Wait, before I forget
And get too far ahead
I promise I won't erase
All you ever did or said
These tears have dried upon my face
And I'm not afraid to let you know
I can see that you're moving on
But I can't let you go
So thrust the dagger to my veins
And let crimson stain my eyes
This is the kind of love
That never dies
i dont know its sad.
It's not like I'm not used to it
You do it all the time
Pick me up, then throw me out
Like I'm not worth a dime
Well hey, we were in love
But not quite like this
Those days that are long past
I admit I surely miss
The world smiles upside down
Words are nothing but lies
What happens when all you do
Makes a result where someone cries
Did someone just say that's unusual?
Well they don't give a damn
Hearts constantly drown in pain
While the strong, away they swam
Pardon me, I choke a lot
There's just too much to say
When I want to scream out
I just let you walk away
Is it because I'm not good enough?
It's like a tragedy written just for you
But when you step onto that stage
There's nothing you can do
The sun, it stings my eyes
So does your smile
Its a scar I wanted to bleed
Because I knew you were worth while
Yet everything has fallen apart
The painted light it breaks
Why couldn't I see this life
Could only make so much mistakes
But hey it's over now
I hope you're doing well
What happened to me?
No one can truly tell
The music is fading fast
Like a slowing carousel
Hate me like you always wanted to
I deserve to be in hell
Wait, before I forget
And get too far ahead
I promise I won't erase
All you ever did or said
These tears have dried upon my face
And I'm not afraid to let you know
I can see that you're moving on
But I can't let you go
So thrust the dagger to my veins
And let crimson stain my eyes
This is the kind of love
That never dies
7:43 PM
Keeping healthy?
Keeping healthy?
hmm, so i slept very early for the past few days.
i slept like at around 8 plus to ten the next day or so.
its like so frigging long.
but it feels good.
it's been a long time since i get to really catch up on my sleep.
one bad thing to note is that,
my heart is like feeling so painful for the past few weeks.
really painful man.
contract contract contract.
maybe i ate too much chocolates.
and the coronary arteries to my heart are blocked.
WOOTS~
im gonna die?
lol i dont know.
i slept alot for the past few days.
but when it comes to the afternoon.
my whole body feels so lethargic.
as though whenever i walk,my feet is just dragging my whole body to settle down somewhere and laze around.
what if i really die?
will i really get to see the five people that we'll meet in heaven?
LOL. (;
maybe i wont die?
dunno.
let heaven decides?
oh anyways,
they are just heart pains.
no biggie.
gonna like drink some tea now.
been drinking loads of tea for the past few weeks.
i can drink like 40 tea bags of tea in like less than 10 days.
crazy. but mhhmmm.
they're yummy(:
i slept like at around 8 plus to ten the next day or so.
its like so frigging long.
but it feels good.
it's been a long time since i get to really catch up on my sleep.
one bad thing to note is that,
my heart is like feeling so painful for the past few weeks.
really painful man.
contract contract contract.
maybe i ate too much chocolates.
and the coronary arteries to my heart are blocked.
WOOTS~
im gonna die?
lol i dont know.
i slept alot for the past few days.
but when it comes to the afternoon.
my whole body feels so lethargic.
as though whenever i walk,my feet is just dragging my whole body to settle down somewhere and laze around.
what if i really die?
will i really get to see the five people that we'll meet in heaven?
LOL. (;
maybe i wont die?
dunno.
let heaven decides?
oh anyways,
they are just heart pains.
no biggie.
gonna like drink some tea now.
been drinking loads of tea for the past few weeks.
i can drink like 40 tea bags of tea in like less than 10 days.
crazy. but mhhmmm.
they're yummy(:
3:57 AM
* CHEEEERS*
* CHEEEERS*
okays. time for a huggggeeeeeeee
YIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!~
the prelims are over over over!
but the big trauma has yet to arrive.
went to the beach yesterday.
to relax and to feel some breeze.
the weather's good yesterday,
pretty clouds and bright sunshine.
CAUSING ME TO EXPERIENCE A SUNBURN.
its painful.
i cant stand it,my skin is like red,and its aching.
i was wearing a green tank top and then when i got home,
i can even see the outline of my tank on my skin.
its like really red on the sides,and then come to the middle of my back,suddenly turn pale again.
-____________________-"'
ugly!
and also very pain.
i went with hui ting and wei ling.
the waves are very soothing,crashing gently against my feet.
it feels so good.
i drew many things on the sand.
last time,i remember,when i came with wei ling.
(before the break up)
the mood i had was so diferent,.
it was one that's more carefree and happy.
blissful.
i remember i wrote i love J on the sand.
so nice and everything felt so right then.
but now,my mood tells a different story.
it brings a different feeling.
one thats more of tense and fear.
as though i'll die without being really happy.
i dont know man.
whats wrong with me?
i say i'll be really happy.
forget about the past,
welcome the future with open arms.
however it seems a lil difficult.
but i aint gonna give up.
im gonna hold all the pain.
yes reality just crashed on me.
and i got a sudden epiphany.
im gonna live.
so back to beach day.
lol we found the perfect place to pick shells.
many beautiful ones.
small big.
you name it they have it.
so we were like picking and picking.
people walking past us like we're looking for something in the sand surrounding the trees.
then we walked so far,
my legs barely ached.
but theirs do,wahahahas.
we went past the ski area.
and laughed loudly*esp hui ting*
when the people fell off their boards.
evil but yes,very hilarious.
then i ate ice soursop.
so SOUR.
made my mouth muscles clench.
lol.
and then we went home.
after we went to the library for some cool air.
very fun day,
but the effects of a sunburn,
ah,the effects~ goddamn painful.
now its still red in colour.
and my mother and sista laugh when they saw the different tones of colours on my back.
HEY! ITS NOT FUNNY~
but woots-
i had a fun day yesterday(:
ciao~
till the next important hurdle,
support me okays!?
(:
YIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!~
the prelims are over over over!
but the big trauma has yet to arrive.
went to the beach yesterday.
to relax and to feel some breeze.
the weather's good yesterday,
pretty clouds and bright sunshine.
CAUSING ME TO EXPERIENCE A SUNBURN.
its painful.
i cant stand it,my skin is like red,and its aching.
i was wearing a green tank top and then when i got home,
i can even see the outline of my tank on my skin.
its like really red on the sides,and then come to the middle of my back,suddenly turn pale again.
-____________________-"'
ugly!
and also very pain.
i went with hui ting and wei ling.
the waves are very soothing,crashing gently against my feet.
it feels so good.
i drew many things on the sand.
last time,i remember,when i came with wei ling.
(before the break up)
the mood i had was so diferent,.
it was one that's more carefree and happy.
blissful.
i remember i wrote i love J on the sand.
so nice and everything felt so right then.
but now,my mood tells a different story.
it brings a different feeling.
one thats more of tense and fear.
as though i'll die without being really happy.
i dont know man.
whats wrong with me?
i say i'll be really happy.
forget about the past,
welcome the future with open arms.
however it seems a lil difficult.
but i aint gonna give up.
im gonna hold all the pain.
yes reality just crashed on me.
and i got a sudden epiphany.
im gonna live.
so back to beach day.
lol we found the perfect place to pick shells.
many beautiful ones.
small big.
you name it they have it.
so we were like picking and picking.
people walking past us like we're looking for something in the sand surrounding the trees.
then we walked so far,
my legs barely ached.
but theirs do,wahahahas.
we went past the ski area.
and laughed loudly*esp hui ting*
when the people fell off their boards.
evil but yes,very hilarious.
then i ate ice soursop.
so SOUR.
made my mouth muscles clench.
lol.
and then we went home.
after we went to the library for some cool air.
very fun day,
but the effects of a sunburn,
ah,the effects~ goddamn painful.
now its still red in colour.
and my mother and sista laugh when they saw the different tones of colours on my back.
HEY! ITS NOT FUNNY~
but woots-
i had a fun day yesterday(:
ciao~
till the next important hurdle,
support me okays!?
(:
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
9:02 PM
fatty eileen
fatty eileen
^___________________^
im eating chocolates.
WOOHOOS~
i dont care about my size anymore.
so what if im fat?
so what if people says that;
eating chocolates will like make you fat and boys wont like you.
i dont care already.
im gonna eat till i grow fat and fat and FAT.
dont wanna fall in love again.
its so messy and so tiring.
and eventually,someone'll get hurt.
so why not just eat chocolates.
and chocolates.
and chocolates.
i can fall in love with chocolates.
they contain endorphin right?
then i'll be so happy everyday.
my heart has some mental problem.
its painful.
rubbing it doesnt help.
lying down doesnt help too.
maybe chocolates will help.
lalalas`
going to rasina's house to do physics together.
i promise mr phoa i'll pass his prelims(:
ciao~
im eating chocolates.
WOOHOOS~
i dont care about my size anymore.
so what if im fat?
so what if people says that;
eating chocolates will like make you fat and boys wont like you.
i dont care already.
im gonna eat till i grow fat and fat and FAT.
dont wanna fall in love again.
its so messy and so tiring.
and eventually,someone'll get hurt.
so why not just eat chocolates.
and chocolates.
and chocolates.
i can fall in love with chocolates.
they contain endorphin right?
then i'll be so happy everyday.
my heart has some mental problem.
its painful.
rubbing it doesnt help.
lying down doesnt help too.
maybe chocolates will help.
lalalas`
going to rasina's house to do physics together.
i promise mr phoa i'll pass his prelims(:
ciao~
8:29 PM
Because smiles are a mask...
Because smiles are a mask...
*SIGHHHHHHHH*
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry,
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry,
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
sad.
wei ling and huiting say i'll get back with him after O's.
its impossible.
he dont like me anymore.
because neither have i a pretty face nor substance.
and i dont wanna get back to all that anymore.
i'll be hurt again.
listening to blind by lifehouse,
doesnt seem to help.
my heart hurts,literally.
it seems to be contracting so much.
wringing the juice of life out of me.
slept at 8 last night till 6a.m today.
i still feel so drowsy.
my nose is bleeding now.
whats next?
heart pains,nose bleed,
life is so fragile.
what if i die the next moment?
i'll never get the chance for my words to be heard.
):
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry,
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry,
because smiles are a mask and to laugh is to cry.
sad.
wei ling and huiting say i'll get back with him after O's.
its impossible.
he dont like me anymore.
because neither have i a pretty face nor substance.
and i dont wanna get back to all that anymore.
i'll be hurt again.
listening to blind by lifehouse,
doesnt seem to help.
my heart hurts,literally.
it seems to be contracting so much.
wringing the juice of life out of me.
slept at 8 last night till 6a.m today.
i still feel so drowsy.
my nose is bleeding now.
whats next?
heart pains,nose bleed,
life is so fragile.
what if i die the next moment?
i'll never get the chance for my words to be heard.
):
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
11:00 PM
Disappointed
Disappointed
okays i've been mugging for a very long time already.
so tired nowadays.
especially today.
when i did my EM paper 1,i got gastric suddenly.
and then i wanna vomit.
DURING the paper.
so i down there clutch my tummy and just do do do.
paper starts at 8,ends at 10.
at 8.45 im still at question 5.
and i was like omg omg.
stressed myself so much.
in the end i did finish by i guess i'll make loads of careless mistakes.
so sad.
as in demoralised.
i studied so hard for my subjects and then?
i dont know how to do.
AM also.
sure gonna flunk it.
just if it is a borderline fail or failing by a huge margin):
finishing exams in 2 days.
EPIPHANY.
uhs,the prom theme is bling bling.
this theme SUCKS SHIT.
and will only appeal to dorks like KL.
twits. she is one.
fake angmoh.
anyways,bling bling.
sucky theme.
now pondering if i should withdraw.
im disappointed with myself.
if i dont do well in this prelims,
i'll be uber sad..
well blog later.
wanna snoooo-ooze for a lil.
SO SO TIREDDDDDDDDD.
so tired nowadays.
especially today.
when i did my EM paper 1,i got gastric suddenly.
and then i wanna vomit.
DURING the paper.
so i down there clutch my tummy and just do do do.
paper starts at 8,ends at 10.
at 8.45 im still at question 5.
and i was like omg omg.
stressed myself so much.
in the end i did finish by i guess i'll make loads of careless mistakes.
so sad.
as in demoralised.
i studied so hard for my subjects and then?
i dont know how to do.
AM also.
sure gonna flunk it.
just if it is a borderline fail or failing by a huge margin):
finishing exams in 2 days.
EPIPHANY.
uhs,the prom theme is bling bling.
this theme SUCKS SHIT.
and will only appeal to dorks like KL.
twits. she is one.
fake angmoh.
anyways,bling bling.
sucky theme.
now pondering if i should withdraw.
im disappointed with myself.
if i dont do well in this prelims,
i'll be uber sad..
well blog later.
wanna snoooo-ooze for a lil.
SO SO TIREDDDDDDDDD.
Friday, September 21, 2007
5:10 AM
Affluence.
Affluence.
definition of frozen mojito:
from joel:
ice-blended lime juice with a mint touch and lime sorbet on top.
from me:
a drink for rich kids.
LOL. see the difference?
cuz im not rich kiddo.
not insulting joel about his affluence.
and not looking down on myself cuz i cant afford those drinks.
but just kinda pondering over this thing,lol.
how affluence can bring an effect on different interpretations.
hmmm, today i took a break.
came home from mr phoa's tuition.
he's really good.
i adore him i guess.
he's not handsome or cute,
but the way he converse with me is so..funny.
i'll blog another day.
wanna sleep. im so tired.
oh,by the way.
there's a compo topic from miss carol.
topic: to be truly happy,you need a cause to believe in.
that set me thinking again and im wondering,
whats the true cause of my happiness?
or do i even have happiness?
dunno. lemme think about it.
someday i'll give you an answer.
someday.
thats when i myself do know in the first place.
which i dont.
so yeah. till then..
from joel:
ice-blended lime juice with a mint touch and lime sorbet on top.
from me:
a drink for rich kids.
LOL. see the difference?
cuz im not rich kiddo.
not insulting joel about his affluence.
and not looking down on myself cuz i cant afford those drinks.
but just kinda pondering over this thing,lol.
how affluence can bring an effect on different interpretations.
hmmm, today i took a break.
came home from mr phoa's tuition.
he's really good.
i adore him i guess.
he's not handsome or cute,
but the way he converse with me is so..funny.
i'll blog another day.
wanna sleep. im so tired.
oh,by the way.
there's a compo topic from miss carol.
topic: to be truly happy,you need a cause to believe in.
that set me thinking again and im wondering,
whats the true cause of my happiness?
or do i even have happiness?
dunno. lemme think about it.
someday i'll give you an answer.
someday.
thats when i myself do know in the first place.
which i dont.
so yeah. till then..
Thursday, September 20, 2007
5:09 AM
Crying blog.
Crying blog.
okays,sorry i havent updated my blog in a while.
busy with the exams and stuffs that i barely had time to eat and sleep.
SOOO TIRED.
DEAD TIRED.
i've kinda given up for prelims.
im so demoralised.
by my english paper 1 and geog.
SS source based too.
whats wrong with me man?
today is a maths,one of the subjects i suck at,
i hope i can pass.
i've been like working so hard for prelims.
if i dont do well.
i'll feel so sad. and crushed.
i guess everyone knows that feeling.
sigh.
tomorrow is english paper 2.
i hope i dont screw up,
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
lemme do well in english please.
its one of my favourite subject.
i hate to see myself screwing it.
NEW EMOTICON:
Y:
improvised by joel
C:
please wish me luck for my remaining papers.
CROSSING MY FINGERS XX
i will jiayou. all the best to everyone.
CHEERS~
busy with the exams and stuffs that i barely had time to eat and sleep.
SOOO TIRED.
DEAD TIRED.
i've kinda given up for prelims.
im so demoralised.
by my english paper 1 and geog.
SS source based too.
whats wrong with me man?
today is a maths,one of the subjects i suck at,
i hope i can pass.
i've been like working so hard for prelims.
if i dont do well.
i'll feel so sad. and crushed.
i guess everyone knows that feeling.
sigh.
tomorrow is english paper 2.
i hope i dont screw up,
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
lemme do well in english please.
its one of my favourite subject.
i hate to see myself screwing it.
NEW EMOTICON:
Y:
improvised by joel
C:
please wish me luck for my remaining papers.
CROSSING MY FINGERS XX
i will jiayou. all the best to everyone.
CHEERS~
Saturday, September 15, 2007
7:09 AM
beach
beach
BEACH DAY AND PHOTOS!
SERENITY.
PEACE.
SUN(:
SERENITY.
PEACE.
SUN(:
6:53 AM
Angst.
Angst.
guess i needa blog to vent.
VENTVENTVENT
i was disallowed from eating chocolates.
i dont care tho.
i went and bought chocolates with all that i can spend.
and i ate them all.
i'll get the worse sorethroat ever.
but i dont care already.
why must people always think the worst of the good intentions of people?
why cant they just live and let live.
if people are kind to them, why should they think of it as a motive?
why cant they just take it like that?
why cant they just acept it and return the kindness?
why must they doubt these actions?
WHYWHYWHY?
this world is so filled of hypocrites and liars.
those plastic faces and green eyed monsters.
i dont know.
i hate myself.
because sometimes i find myself blending into that world.
of liars and hypocrites.
i dont want to be like that.
why cant we just be truthful and outright with our feelings?
its because the truth hurts isnt it?
im a liar.
for putting on a facade every single time.
every single time i see you.
pretend to be happy.
whats the point?
dont wanna bring my friends down with those sad faces.
gotta hide them.
sometimes,probably because my family dont empathise with me.
they dont even care about how i feel.
i know they are bothered by the financial problem at home
but i got my own problems too you know.
they dont even care about how i feel.
they just order me around. this that this that.
ever wondered why i dont wanna study at home,
or CANT study at home?
im so ordered that i just cant have that lil space i deserve to study.
i dont wanna lead an orderly life.
SO QUIT ORDERING ME AROUND!
wanna watch maid in manhattan.
WAS DISALLOWED.
cuz those bastards and bitches opposite wanna watch CHINESE NEWS.
goddamn it.
why watch news?
so you can derive pleasure,SADISTIC pleasure from the accidents happening around the world?
im sick of playing the good girl.
i just wanna be myself and have some space.
is that too much to ask for?
its not that these cost alot you know/
hey, try to undestand.
im skipping lunches everyday to save money.
isnt that enough?
if it isnt, what is?
dont drive me to that corner.
bummer.
VENTVENTVENT
i was disallowed from eating chocolates.
i dont care tho.
i went and bought chocolates with all that i can spend.
and i ate them all.
i'll get the worse sorethroat ever.
but i dont care already.
why must people always think the worst of the good intentions of people?
why cant they just live and let live.
if people are kind to them, why should they think of it as a motive?
why cant they just take it like that?
why cant they just acept it and return the kindness?
why must they doubt these actions?
WHYWHYWHY?
this world is so filled of hypocrites and liars.
those plastic faces and green eyed monsters.
i dont know.
i hate myself.
because sometimes i find myself blending into that world.
of liars and hypocrites.
i dont want to be like that.
why cant we just be truthful and outright with our feelings?
its because the truth hurts isnt it?
im a liar.
for putting on a facade every single time.
every single time i see you.
pretend to be happy.
whats the point?
dont wanna bring my friends down with those sad faces.
gotta hide them.
sometimes,probably because my family dont empathise with me.
they dont even care about how i feel.
i know they are bothered by the financial problem at home
but i got my own problems too you know.
they dont even care about how i feel.
they just order me around. this that this that.
ever wondered why i dont wanna study at home,
or CANT study at home?
im so ordered that i just cant have that lil space i deserve to study.
i dont wanna lead an orderly life.
SO QUIT ORDERING ME AROUND!
wanna watch maid in manhattan.
WAS DISALLOWED.
cuz those bastards and bitches opposite wanna watch CHINESE NEWS.
goddamn it.
why watch news?
so you can derive pleasure,SADISTIC pleasure from the accidents happening around the world?
im sick of playing the good girl.
i just wanna be myself and have some space.
is that too much to ask for?
its not that these cost alot you know/
hey, try to undestand.
im skipping lunches everyday to save money.
isnt that enough?
if it isnt, what is?
dont drive me to that corner.
bummer.
Friday, September 14, 2007
9:13 AM
ill
ill
im still sick
T____________T
when will i recover man?
im feeling so fed up eating medicine,
and not being allowed to eat chocolates.
my endorphin):
my substitute for happiness.
people come and go, my mom says.
but some people,you will remember forever.
and,she says, joseph is that one who you will.
Remember forever.
and it may not be due to just those memories.
it may be largely due to how he has smashed the silver platter.
The platter that holds your heart.
Thats what she says.
i dont wanna think about it.
im forcing myself to study.
Venice is so difficult!
i hate it. i cant get it into my mind.
is it because im sick?
i dont know.
im feeling real lousy.
blog another day.
wish me luck for my exams!
goodnight.
T____________T
when will i recover man?
im feeling so fed up eating medicine,
and not being allowed to eat chocolates.
my endorphin):
my substitute for happiness.
people come and go, my mom says.
but some people,you will remember forever.
and,she says, joseph is that one who you will.
Remember forever.
and it may not be due to just those memories.
it may be largely due to how he has smashed the silver platter.
The platter that holds your heart.
Thats what she says.
i dont wanna think about it.
im forcing myself to study.
Venice is so difficult!
i hate it. i cant get it into my mind.
is it because im sick?
i dont know.
im feeling real lousy.
blog another day.
wish me luck for my exams!
goodnight.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
12:26 AM
endorphin.
endorphin.
GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATES!!
*ROAR*
i need my chocolates.
my endorphin.
they make me happy.
without them.
i will combust in 20 seconds.
and die.
.......
*DEAD*
Haunting you right now.
sorry this post is lame,
cuz i really dont have anything else i can think of to spend my time with.
(:
see you.
*ROAR*
i need my chocolates.
my endorphin.
they make me happy.
without them.
i will combust in 20 seconds.
and die.
.......
*DEAD*
Haunting you right now.
sorry this post is lame,
cuz i really dont have anything else i can think of to spend my time with.
(:
see you.
12:14 AM
Loser.
Loser.
im feeling so terrible and lousy.
today is english paper 1 prelims.
i did the paper with no confidence.
i dont even have a single clue on what to write.
i guess the fever,sorethroat and cold got to my brain.
i cant think.
feeling so so bad.
i sorta screwed up my english paper.
wrote OOP for section 1,and may do the same for section 2.
whats my problem?
i want to give up on you.
seriously.
this may be the dunno hundredth time i told myself to do that.
but i must. give up.
just now you saw me face down on my table sniffing away.
i wasnt crying.
and you tapped my shoulder and said hi.
i would rather you not do that.
it is very cruel of you.
to not talk to me for so long,
and suddenly come over and say hi.
so casually.
as though nothing's wrong between us.
don't you see?
we can never revert back to just friends.
because too much has happened.
besides,you dont even wanna talk to me.
these past few weeks,
they made me realise that im not myself already.
i've changed to someone else.
i dont even know who.
i feel so lousy!
why is it like this?
have i lost myself?
my own personality?
today is english paper 1 prelims.
i did the paper with no confidence.
i dont even have a single clue on what to write.
i guess the fever,sorethroat and cold got to my brain.
i cant think.
feeling so so bad.
i sorta screwed up my english paper.
wrote OOP for section 1,and may do the same for section 2.
whats my problem?
i want to give up on you.
seriously.
this may be the dunno hundredth time i told myself to do that.
but i must. give up.
just now you saw me face down on my table sniffing away.
i wasnt crying.
and you tapped my shoulder and said hi.
i would rather you not do that.
it is very cruel of you.
to not talk to me for so long,
and suddenly come over and say hi.
so casually.
as though nothing's wrong between us.
don't you see?
we can never revert back to just friends.
because too much has happened.
besides,you dont even wanna talk to me.
these past few weeks,
they made me realise that im not myself already.
i've changed to someone else.
i dont even know who.
i feel so lousy!
why is it like this?
have i lost myself?
my own personality?
Friday, September 7, 2007
11:38 PM
Terrible clutches of mugging.
Terrible clutches of mugging.
well,its gonna be like mugging till the exams now.
every single day,
life is not that great at the moment,
but at least the studies keeps me so occupied,
that i barely have time,
to wallow in my own misery.
but im not any stupid emo-er,
like many people choose to be,
as in when im sad.
i dont go around telling everyone that i am.
i prefer to just douse in this misery myself.
but it is known to all,
that misery loves company.
ta for now. i gotta mug my head off for geog.
extremely dry topic.
gotta stay kinda focused,
luckily,i got my motivation bars;
CHOCOLATES!
every single day,
life is not that great at the moment,
but at least the studies keeps me so occupied,
that i barely have time,
to wallow in my own misery.
but im not any stupid emo-er,
like many people choose to be,
as in when im sad.
i dont go around telling everyone that i am.
i prefer to just douse in this misery myself.
but it is known to all,
that misery loves company.
ta for now. i gotta mug my head off for geog.
extremely dry topic.
gotta stay kinda focused,
luckily,i got my motivation bars;
CHOCOLATES!
5:02 AM
Or maybes.
Or maybes.
I’m tired of poems
That take up pages to tell you nothing
Or maybe I’m just sick of writing
I’m tired of love
And hopeless romantics who live happily ever after
Or maybe I’ve just been burned too many times
I’m tired of believers
Who depend on others to get the job done
Or maybe I’m just independent to a fault
I’m tired of perfectionists
Always stressing out their over-achieving students
Or maybe I’m just too laid back
I’m tired of life
Because hardly anyone ever gets it right
Or maybe I’m just bad at living
I’m tired of death
When everyone dies and has loved ones waiting for them
Or maybe I’m just stuck in the past
That take up pages to tell you nothing
Or maybe I’m just sick of writing
I’m tired of love
And hopeless romantics who live happily ever after
Or maybe I’ve just been burned too many times
I’m tired of believers
Who depend on others to get the job done
Or maybe I’m just independent to a fault
I’m tired of perfectionists
Always stressing out their over-achieving students
Or maybe I’m just too laid back
I’m tired of life
Because hardly anyone ever gets it right
Or maybe I’m just bad at living
I’m tired of death
When everyone dies and has loved ones waiting for them
Or maybe I’m just stuck in the past
Thursday, September 6, 2007
10:57 PM
Nothing
Nothing
lol
gaurav is so funny.
i told him i stalked him and he seemed kinda scared.
its nice to joke around with him?
lol as you can see,i cant stalk him when im at home blogging.
unless i've got like 2 souls or i can like split my body.
i mailed miss carol regarding the english practice papers.
she is a very nice teacher.
i really like her.
i guess i'll be really sad when it comes to the time when we have to say goodbyes to one another.
thats the hardest part.
and it will be kinda difficult to keep in touch with your friends.
i dont even know where i wanna go.
JC or Poly?
hmm, i guess i have to wait for my results and see?
hope i'll do well.
i really am studying hard..
sigh.
gaurav is so funny.
i told him i stalked him and he seemed kinda scared.
its nice to joke around with him?
lol as you can see,i cant stalk him when im at home blogging.
unless i've got like 2 souls or i can like split my body.
i mailed miss carol regarding the english practice papers.
she is a very nice teacher.
i really like her.
i guess i'll be really sad when it comes to the time when we have to say goodbyes to one another.
thats the hardest part.
and it will be kinda difficult to keep in touch with your friends.
i dont even know where i wanna go.
JC or Poly?
hmm, i guess i have to wait for my results and see?
hope i'll do well.
i really am studying hard..
sigh.
8:00 AM
Trapped.
Trapped.
im so confused.
i dont know what is going through my mind now.
many thoughts swirl in my mind like champagne in a glass.
except mine is not that nice.
mine is missing the cherry on top.
the best part of life of course,will be the cherry.
but i dont have it.
where is it?
i want the cherry.
i love cherries.
i dont know what is going through my mind now.
many thoughts swirl in my mind like champagne in a glass.
except mine is not that nice.
mine is missing the cherry on top.
the best part of life of course,will be the cherry.
but i dont have it.
where is it?
i want the cherry.
i love cherries.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
7:53 AM
1408 - stephen king.
1408 - stephen king.
yesterday i watched 1408.
it is a creepy and spooky movie.
the feeling of being trapped in a room,is scary.
the person keeps trying to escape but cant
i watched it with gavin.
and watching with him is like watching with a stick.
nothing to hold on to when you're scared.
then he damn pathetic.
he very scared, then at the scary parts,
he down there cover his face.
WITH THE POPCORN HOLDER.
-_______________________-
wth? i mean like,popcorn holder?
lols.
it was fun watching with him.
then after that i went to study then rushed for tuition.
life is boring nowadays.
just mug and mug and mug.
today i finished 10 chapters of biology.
i have been emo-ing the whole day.
then nobody understands,
people take me for granted.
i always lend a helping hand whenever i can.
and people take this gesture for granted,
they dont appreciate.
lousy people.
stuck up bitches and total dicks.
made me feel so fucked up.
im tired. but i dont wanna waste my time sleeping.
in everyone's life, there'll always be a part of happiness,sorrow,and well,pain.
for william,his life is kinda a happy one now because he used to have an unhappy one.
well,im experiencing sadness now because i've already gotten the happiness enough to last me for a lifetime.
sigh. lets not fret?
the sun will shine for me again.
hopefully.
:D
it is a creepy and spooky movie.
the feeling of being trapped in a room,is scary.
the person keeps trying to escape but cant
i watched it with gavin.
and watching with him is like watching with a stick.
nothing to hold on to when you're scared.
then he damn pathetic.
he very scared, then at the scary parts,
he down there cover his face.
WITH THE POPCORN HOLDER.
-_______________________-
wth? i mean like,popcorn holder?
lols.
it was fun watching with him.
then after that i went to study then rushed for tuition.
life is boring nowadays.
just mug and mug and mug.
today i finished 10 chapters of biology.
i have been emo-ing the whole day.
then nobody understands,
people take me for granted.
i always lend a helping hand whenever i can.
and people take this gesture for granted,
they dont appreciate.
lousy people.
stuck up bitches and total dicks.
made me feel so fucked up.
im tired. but i dont wanna waste my time sleeping.
in everyone's life, there'll always be a part of happiness,sorrow,and well,pain.
for william,his life is kinda a happy one now because he used to have an unhappy one.
well,im experiencing sadness now because i've already gotten the happiness enough to last me for a lifetime.
sigh. lets not fret?
the sun will shine for me again.
hopefully.
:D
Monday, September 3, 2007
9:51 PM
Huge huge, wait, maybe..
Huge huge, wait, maybe..
lol,vernon is lame.
-_______________-
down there compare love life with me.
he says his love life is sad?
cuz he havent get that girl he like?
then whats mine?
mine is a thousand times sadder?
Huge huge sigh.
wait, maybe a small one will do.
nowadays its a feeling of loneliness,sorrow and whatnot.
i know someday when i grow up,
i'll be looking back at this phase of my life and laugh at myself,
at how pathetic i am.
but right now,
im a sad sad girl.
i have got nothing to my name,
-_____________________-
-_______________-
down there compare love life with me.
he says his love life is sad?
cuz he havent get that girl he like?
then whats mine?
mine is a thousand times sadder?
Huge huge sigh.
wait, maybe a small one will do.
nowadays its a feeling of loneliness,sorrow and whatnot.
i know someday when i grow up,
i'll be looking back at this phase of my life and laugh at myself,
at how pathetic i am.
but right now,
im a sad sad girl.
i have got nothing to my name,
-_____________________-
9:23 AM
True friends? nopes.
True friends? nopes.
i feel so lousy.
everything feels wrong.
i cant help it.
do i have any friends?
i used to think i have got many true friends.
but when im in deep shit and feel all worse,
theres no one there for me to bawl on,to tell my troubles to.
is heaven making a sport of me?
i've got so many questions to ask, just that i got no one to ask to.
bathing suddenly and i cried.
my life is so fucked up.
im trying so hard to be happy and nothing works.
you said not to conceal my feelings,joseph.
and if i ever need to cry one day,you'll lend me your shoulder,
but whose shoulder do i cry on when its you im crying about?
they say its pointless crying over you.
plain stupid cuz you're not worth it.
but the truth is,nobody is ever worth who,
because ultimately,this is the game of love.
we are or were together because we fell in love.
not becuz you happen to be worthy of me or the other way round.
im so tired. i've finished the entire physics syllabus except for chapter 23.
i hate that chapter.
im so emotional now,and nobody is there for me.
i dont know what to do.
i dont wanna sleep.
listen to the song,boston.
it is sad.
the girl wanna go to boston.
i wanna go somewhere far away too.
where there are no o levels and no stress and no heartbreaks.
i know a place like this.
its called heaven and only kind souls who have died,go there,
my life is pathetic,yes it is.
but its not because i aint got any dole.
my family barely got enough money to get the whole house through.
and its pathetic not because i havent got any branded goods in my house.
no,zilch.
i dont need adidas,nopes i dont need nike.
im sorry my wardrobe does not have any like this.
nopes im not any rich kiddo.
my life is pathetic,
because im missing out a very important part of my life.
im missing out on something.
but im not sure what.
is it him? or is it just life's simplest pleasure of having someone there for you?
hais.
im so tired........
i wanna go somewhere else.
i wanna revert back to my old self again..
everything feels wrong.
i cant help it.
do i have any friends?
i used to think i have got many true friends.
but when im in deep shit and feel all worse,
theres no one there for me to bawl on,to tell my troubles to.
is heaven making a sport of me?
i've got so many questions to ask, just that i got no one to ask to.
bathing suddenly and i cried.
my life is so fucked up.
im trying so hard to be happy and nothing works.
you said not to conceal my feelings,joseph.
and if i ever need to cry one day,you'll lend me your shoulder,
but whose shoulder do i cry on when its you im crying about?
they say its pointless crying over you.
plain stupid cuz you're not worth it.
but the truth is,nobody is ever worth who,
because ultimately,this is the game of love.
we are or were together because we fell in love.
not becuz you happen to be worthy of me or the other way round.
im so tired. i've finished the entire physics syllabus except for chapter 23.
i hate that chapter.
im so emotional now,and nobody is there for me.
i dont know what to do.
i dont wanna sleep.
listen to the song,boston.
it is sad.
the girl wanna go to boston.
i wanna go somewhere far away too.
where there are no o levels and no stress and no heartbreaks.
i know a place like this.
its called heaven and only kind souls who have died,go there,
my life is pathetic,yes it is.
but its not because i aint got any dole.
my family barely got enough money to get the whole house through.
and its pathetic not because i havent got any branded goods in my house.
no,zilch.
i dont need adidas,nopes i dont need nike.
im sorry my wardrobe does not have any like this.
nopes im not any rich kiddo.
my life is pathetic,
because im missing out a very important part of my life.
im missing out on something.
but im not sure what.
is it him? or is it just life's simplest pleasure of having someone there for you?
hais.
im so tired........
i wanna go somewhere else.
i wanna revert back to my old self again..
Sunday, September 2, 2007
9:31 PM
physics boredom.
physics boredom.
hello there.
im so bored.
must mug for physics later,so tiring.
im left with the last few chapters on magnetism and then light!
omg i freaking hate these topics!
mugging my head off everyday,
that means i dont think of you that often,
(: which is good,right?
^_________________________^
after lunch,i'll start mugging,
must finish physics today!
then i'll slack for a teeny weeny bit(:
yupps!
must jiayous!
blog later yeahs?
see you!
i hope that i'll be able to get those magnetism thingys into my head,
if not i'll waste alot of time;
hmm,i love radioactivity,
im low on cash,practically my whole family is.
usually i dont even have enough money to eat during recess):
starved myself.
of love and of food.
im so bored.
must mug for physics later,so tiring.
im left with the last few chapters on magnetism and then light!
omg i freaking hate these topics!
mugging my head off everyday,
that means i dont think of you that often,
(: which is good,right?
^_________________________^
after lunch,i'll start mugging,
must finish physics today!
then i'll slack for a teeny weeny bit(:
yupps!
must jiayous!
blog later yeahs?
see you!
i hope that i'll be able to get those magnetism thingys into my head,
if not i'll waste alot of time;
hmm,i love radioactivity,
im low on cash,practically my whole family is.
usually i dont even have enough money to eat during recess):
starved myself.
of love and of food.
3:19 AM
One better ; randomized.
One better ; randomized.
one better-aaron carter
Give me half the chance
I’ll make you understand
That what I got to give
Is so much more than this
Than you'll ever know
I don’t say what’s on my mind
But you’ll find this out in time
Don’t always open up
I’m not quick to trust
And let someone inside
I’ve got a lot to learn
Never felt this way before
But I gotta say what’s right for me
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see, yeah
I’ll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better, Yeah
I’ll be one better
You’ve seen some falling stars
You felt a broken heart
Time is all it takes
Learn from my mistakes
Know exactly what you are
But I can’t hang on the side
I’ve had enough of all these fights
Gotta give to you
Gotta get this through
Till you realize
I’ve got a lot to learn
Never felt this way before
But I gotta say what’s right for me
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see (yeah)
I’ll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better, Yeah
I wont back down (No never, No never)
You don’t have to be alone
Girl, Alone (Oooh, Ooh) No (Oh)
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see
I'll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better (Oh)
(I’ll be)
I’ll be one better (Oh)
(I’ll will)
I’ll be one better (Oh)
Give me half the chance
I’ll make you understand
That what I got to give
Is so much more than this
Than you'll ever know
I don’t say what’s on my mind
But you’ll find this out in time
Don’t always open up
I’m not quick to trust
And let someone inside
I’ve got a lot to learn
Never felt this way before
But I gotta say what’s right for me
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see, yeah
I’ll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better, Yeah
I’ll be one better
You’ve seen some falling stars
You felt a broken heart
Time is all it takes
Learn from my mistakes
Know exactly what you are
But I can’t hang on the side
I’ve had enough of all these fights
Gotta give to you
Gotta get this through
Till you realize
I’ve got a lot to learn
Never felt this way before
But I gotta say what’s right for me
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see (yeah)
I’ll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better, Yeah
I wont back down (No never, No never)
You don’t have to be alone
Girl, Alone (Oooh, Ooh) No (Oh)
You should know that I can
Be more than you will ever need
I’ll show you something new to see
I'll be the one you can believe
I’ll be one better (Oh)
(I’ll be)
I’ll be one better (Oh)
(I’ll will)
I’ll be one better (Oh)
1:40 AM
deprived of freedom.
deprived of freedom.
im so tired, woke up at 9 today,
and started mugging like hell,
lol i guess nowadays my blog posts always start with im so tired,
hahas,
i just checked through all my mails,and i saw the mails he sent me last time,and i wanna cry man. especially the last mail, and he said that after we broke up,when he do think of me,its a mixture of feelings like irritation and FREEDOM. so he was deprived of freedom when we were together is it? that is really sad.
the blue bear keychain he got for me from berlin,it broke):
*sobs*
my mom told me to throw it away. its tattered and it has fallen off for the 3rd time already.
nevertheless,i told her to fix it back,and she sew it back for me.
how can something like this happened to me?
what wrong things did i do to deserve all these shit you give me?
you gave me heaven then took it away,
was that how it's supposed to end?
its your individuality and freedom that matters most?
how selfish can you get?
but i cant seems to hate you.
im so fucked up.
*SCREAMS*
i dont wanna throw all the things you give me away or delete all the mails you have sent me.
last time when i deleted all the sweet msges saved in my handphone away,i cried so much. regretted it but i couldnt get them back already.
i've lost you and in the midst of grieving i've also lose my personaility and happiness.
you make me lose almost my everything.
and started mugging like hell,
lol i guess nowadays my blog posts always start with im so tired,
hahas,
i just checked through all my mails,and i saw the mails he sent me last time,and i wanna cry man. especially the last mail, and he said that after we broke up,when he do think of me,its a mixture of feelings like irritation and FREEDOM. so he was deprived of freedom when we were together is it? that is really sad.
the blue bear keychain he got for me from berlin,it broke):
*sobs*
my mom told me to throw it away. its tattered and it has fallen off for the 3rd time already.
nevertheless,i told her to fix it back,and she sew it back for me.
how can something like this happened to me?
what wrong things did i do to deserve all these shit you give me?
you gave me heaven then took it away,
was that how it's supposed to end?
its your individuality and freedom that matters most?
how selfish can you get?
but i cant seems to hate you.
im so fucked up.
*SCREAMS*
i dont wanna throw all the things you give me away or delete all the mails you have sent me.
last time when i deleted all the sweet msges saved in my handphone away,i cried so much. regretted it but i couldnt get them back already.
i've lost you and in the midst of grieving i've also lose my personaility and happiness.
you make me lose almost my everything.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
7:32 AM
" pasar malam "
" pasar malam "
im so tired! i just came back from the night market near my house. i just bought some magnetic bookmarks. i dont need them but its just, the eeyore on the bookmarks is so tempting that i forgo all my thoughts and worries and went ahead to buy them. there're six so im gonna give joel one(:
^___________________________^
i cant continue to study physics im beat. bushed. im helping my niece do her english homework now,hurhurs,my aunt requested me to help her do it cuz my english is better than the rest in the family. im so honoured! and yippees! my sister just bought some chocolates home,its 70% cocoa. i love it love it love it! i think im going nuts. i'll just stop for now? gonna go to bed soon. i wanna sleep. tomorrow will be another day of hell. studying and studying!
goodnight peeps.
and no i may not have him in my life,
but i guess i must be contented,
that i have some really cool parents and a bunch of not that funky but kinda cute friends(including kor).
Sweet dreams!
^___________________________^
i cant continue to study physics im beat. bushed. im helping my niece do her english homework now,hurhurs,my aunt requested me to help her do it cuz my english is better than the rest in the family. im so honoured! and yippees! my sister just bought some chocolates home,its 70% cocoa. i love it love it love it! i think im going nuts. i'll just stop for now? gonna go to bed soon. i wanna sleep. tomorrow will be another day of hell. studying and studying!
goodnight peeps.
and no i may not have him in my life,
but i guess i must be contented,
that i have some really cool parents and a bunch of not that funky but kinda cute friends(including kor).
Sweet dreams!
1:37 AM
BORED
BORED
lol!
i didnt know habbo can listen to music one!
*suprised*
anyways,i dont know why some people have to be such bloody fuckers.
such loudmouths.
they seem to live on gossips.
hungry bitches.
oh by the way,
Boston is a nice song.
nowadays,life is boring.
i just study and study all day.
hope i can do well in my prelims.
then can get money.
then can buy what i wanna buy.
something for a special jerk.
for his birthday,
should i?
or should i not?
-_______________________-
eeek.
i dont know,
confused.
i didnt know habbo can listen to music one!
*suprised*
anyways,i dont know why some people have to be such bloody fuckers.
such loudmouths.
they seem to live on gossips.
hungry bitches.
oh by the way,
Boston is a nice song.
nowadays,life is boring.
i just study and study all day.
hope i can do well in my prelims.
then can get money.
then can buy what i wanna buy.
something for a special jerk.
for his birthday,
should i?
or should i not?
-_______________________-
eeek.
i dont know,
confused.
12:33 AM
*DEAD*
*DEAD*
im so tired.
went to the library at 10 like that.
im so hardworking,i went there to study.
and guess waht?
YIPPES!
14 chapters of physics gone!
woots~
but i cant be so happy.
i still need to study more.
just taking a break now.
im hungry, i wanna eat.
i haven had my lunch.
but i got no money.
oh yar,by the way,i won 10 bucks just now.
^______________^
some msg thingy at bedok inter.
lol,im one lucky girl.
but i wont spend that on food.
saving it up for something else more important.
went to the library at 10 like that.
im so hardworking,i went there to study.
and guess waht?
YIPPES!
14 chapters of physics gone!
woots~
but i cant be so happy.
i still need to study more.
just taking a break now.
im hungry, i wanna eat.
i haven had my lunch.
but i got no money.
oh yar,by the way,i won 10 bucks just now.
^______________^
some msg thingy at bedok inter.
lol,im one lucky girl.
but i wont spend that on food.
saving it up for something else more important.