A Rainy Day That Brings Comforts To My Soul
It has been raining for the whole day.
Since the moment I woke up till night.
The cool breezes that brushes through my face,
It brings comfort to my soul.
Because it bring the assurance of Your presence in my life.
The night before I was slipping away from You.
So weak to speak and stand before You.
All I need was a little encouragement.
All I need was a little push to lift me up again.
But I can’t find it anywhere.
Not from Man, not from ministry, not from things.
Deep inside me, I knew the answer was You.
But carnally I refused to turn to You.
I search for what is temporary and something that is instant.
I forget of the things You can give me.
I forget of the things You can satisfy me.
At the moment I wanted to give up.
Because nothing satisfy my soul,
Not only that, I’m resisting to the change of life station.
I had so much anxiety in the future and work.
All I need was a little encouragement.
All I need was a little push to lift me up again.
But I can’t find it anywhere.
I struggle with myself and I read Your Word till I fell asleep.
Today as I wake up.
The feelings remain in me.
I still felt the same way as last night.
However, what comforts me was a meal with my parents and the rainy day.
Just eating with my parents, I felt the love.
When I talked to them, I felt the love and concern too.
It reminded me of You.
How You love me.
If my parents can love me so much,
What more the Heavenly Father can’t do?
You gave Your one and only son just to die for me.
Just to save my soul.
It’s insane to think of what You go through to save us.
But You still did it.
As I was watching Joyce Meyer’s teaching online,
I was really blessed by it.
I was encouraged by her message and prayers too.
I hear the voice of God ringing in my heart.
And suddenly everything that is happening makes sense.
Things I need to change and grow.
Things I need to make decision on.
FAITH is the answer to what I’m struggling with.
I need to EXPECT breakthrough in order to have breakthroughs.
How can I have victory if I already have thoughts of defeat?
Definitely not!
“Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up – 1 corinthians 8:1”
How easy it is to hear and know but hard to apply.
Now I understand what Peixin was telling me,
That I have the knowledge, I just need to apply them.
In other words, I need to put them into practice.
Applied knowledge is wisdom.
I really need to do it one step at a time.
I pray that I’ll continually be guided by you Lord.
I need you in my life.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
God made my past mistakes into something GOOD
It has really been a hard period of time figuring out what is causing me to be so miserable these days and why I get so affected by people around me. Now I see the reason why. It is the root of unforgiveness. It can really destroy you. I was drowning in it for the past feel weeks and God spoke to me a few times but I didn’t really get it till it got worst. It was then I choose to do what is right rather than what I feel is right by turning to God and resting in His presence. I need to fight it and decisions need to be made. I felt better after spending time with God.
I slept and as usual I always have dreams. In the dream, I went back to my secondary school (when it was still the old building) finding for someone there to take something. On the way up to the top level I saw my friend sister (as usual I bully her) and followed by my friend, sitting at the staircase outside her classroom with her friend studying Chinese(that is something I will not forget about her). It was pretty funny because I was wondering to myself, “I thought she is in poly? Why is she still in secondary school? And her sister still looks as if she is in sec 1 or 2.” I got quite puzzled.
When I woke up, I was wondering how come I dream of my friend. As I was thinking back, all the flashback of our past came to my mind. The good and bad times we had and how she had hurt me so much. It has been many years back when this had happened but it has engraved in my heart and mind so vividly. I could never forget it but the funny thing was that I have forgiven her for so many years already. I remembered how quick I was to forgive when she apologized and ask for forgiveness. It was hurtful but I made a decision to forgive as I loved her so dearly as my friend.
When I return to reality, I realized how I have changed and how unforgiving have grown to be due to many hurts in my life after the very first time I got hurt by this friend of mine. I start to not release love so easily, less merciful, etc. It was a way for me to protect myself but I learn through teachings that when I do that I am hurting people too. People around me get hurt. People whom I love get hurt too. I really need to unlearn unforgiveness and relearn forgiveness, not seeing it as a weak person who do it but as a strong person who do it, because only a strong person can forgive easily despite the hurts. Lots of humbling down of my heart needs to be learn too.
After I reflected upon it, I actually message her, telling her that how what happen to us, God has made it good in His timing and I thank God for placing her in my life. She was amazed and I pray that this would be the beginning of our friendship again too. Not the case that we are not friends anymore but we do not share life anymore. She is a sister in Christ too and I pray that we can grow spiritually together in this race. J God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Praise God for what he has done in my life.
Father, please nail your love, forgiveness and joy into my heart.
I want to be well and I want to grow to become who you want me to be.
God I release all my anger and hurts to you.
May you please take it and give me a divine exchange.
Keep reminding me too, because I am a forgetful beings.
Restore me for you are a good God.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
Many Breakthroughs
It has been a tiring week last week, I kinda took rest from ministry as I was drain out by meeting up with people and feeding their needs and neglected my own rest and time to rest in God. It actually got me emotionally up and down pretty bad that I turn to Nel to really analyze with me and help me up.
One lesson that I learn is that, we need to constantly fill ourselves up everyday and rest in God at least once per week. I really see how it can affect our consistency in God (QT, Prayer, Worship, etc) when we don’t fill ourselves up and rest in God once per week. I was whack on my butt by God. As a person who loves to play and being around with people, I tend to neglect time alone with God. In the end, I was overwhelmed by the things I’m doing and people around me to till I shut everything off and hide in my room to be alone. I was telling myself, “I can serve and give anymore”. My heart was dry and I need God to fill me up again. I took a few days off, resting, reading God’s word, worshipping, praying and also watching online sermon that Nel send me. It was refreshing and I grew closer to God too. Though I learn it through the tough way but I thank God that I learn this lesson well.
Sunday was DMM, it was kind of a special feeling to have DMM on Sunday but it was great. I applied taking rest in God on that day too. I was asked by the TP leaders if I want to join them for a movie after DMM. Initially I agreed but second thoughts I actually rejected it as I was starting to feel unwell and decided to take a rest at home. I had a great Sabbath with God. Read books and bible and sleep a lot as I was down with flu.
Monday, was rest day too as Aug and Kel toh fell sick and I couldn’t meet them.
Tuesday, I met up with Kel Toh to catch up and announce the cg structure to him. I got the chance to really ask him questions to let him ponder. After that, we met Aug and have a short core team meet, to motivate them for this week Easter, days that we are going for evanx and friends whom we can invite and most of all, keeping our health, non-believer friends, care group members and unit members in prayer. Kel toh left after core team meet and left Aug and I for praise and worship preparation for Wednesday care group. That night practice was one of the practices that I practice so hard. Haha, and I realize one thing is that, the reason why my guitar skills can’t improve is because of my inconsistency in strumming and that I don’t learn new guitar strummings. I always like to do freestyle strumming. Nothing wrong with that, but it just makes me limited.
Wednesday was the most dramatic day. I was very excited for evanx, as it’s been a long time since I do it and God planted a seed in me to reach out for more people too. God even gave me creativity to make Easter Day surveys as a tool for evanx. WHAHAHA, very dumb survey but yet it still work. So I happily drew it out and send it for printing. On the way to school, as I was walking under the HDB flat walking out of it to the pavement to reach the bus-stop, someone puke from the high floor down and it got me. I was like, “WHAT THE CRAP?” in my heart. Feeling so disgusted, I quickly walk home and get myself bathe. I was thinking, why it happen at such a timing when I’m all ready up for evanx and to direct the people who are going for evanx. The more I think, the more I see the work of the devil to stop me from doing something great for God. If you know me well, you’ll know that I’m a person who is very hygiene conscious. I can’t stand my hands being dirty. If it gets dirty, I get very paranoid. When I get home to clean up, I almost didn’t want to go to evanx anymore and all I want is just to get clean. But I thank God that He opens up my eyes to see beyond that and to come out of my comfort zone by not following my feelings. PRAISE GOD for that! HAHA! I’ve passed the test to do things beyond my feelings. I’m so glad!
After evanx, I came home for care group. Praise and Worship was a bit crappy but I was glad that the movie “Facing Giants” I showed them impact them and that they learn things from the video too. It’s kind of a different way of learning things in care group, rather then just teachings but movies and all. With more creative ideas, it can really make care group an exciting and enjoyable place for all and that’s my goal for this group.
Today, I went back to school for evanx again. I enjoyed the time I do evanx with the rest of the NP members and I enjoyed the fellowship with them. We went to Botak Jones to eat and I almost sleep when I was eating. LOL, don’t know why so tired. To keep myself occupied I borrowed Diella’s camera and starting taking people. I enjoyed taking photos of people, and I came out with this idea that maybe I can be a photographer but first I need a camera. WHAHAHA! XD After dinner we went home. I kept laughing on the way home; it’s been so long since I keep laughing non-stop for an hour. Laughter is good medicine! WHAHAHA! I had a good talk with Isaac on the way home too. It’s been quite a while since I’ve got a chance to really talk to him. Something he shared actually made me ponder, “If God wants to use you to grow this ministry He’ll send people to you”. And true enough, God did send people to me. God showed me who will be my armor bearer. PRAISE GOD FOR ALL HE HAS DONE!
I also shared more to Kel Toh online too. He took initiative to share things what God has done in his life and he share with me many links and ideas to build the group. PRAISE GOD to reignite the flame in him! I pray that God will continue to motivate him and grow him.
1 visitor for Reinhard Bonnke conference on Saturday
2 visitors for Easter service
PRAISE GOD! More to come!!
I really learn a lot this week, that I do not want to forget them that is why I blog it down. Joy and faithfulness of the Lord is the strength that keeps me going in this spiritual race. It is something I would not trade for. Nothing is impossible with the Lord. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Things start to turn out right when I learn to trust and depend on God more. God’s perfect love cast out all the fears in me and it gave me courage to carry out the conviction that God planted in my heart. I foresee that God will continue to use me greatly as I continue to grow in Him and follow Him, continue to take courage in things I do, continue to grow in wisdom and anointing. PRAISE GOD for all He has done!
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
I never regret hanging on
It is truly indeed that overflowing of JOY comes when we overcome certain struggles that we go through. One thing that I’ve got to say is, “What else more is too hard for the Lord? NOTHING! PRAISE HIM FOR ALL HE HAS DONE!!”
Last few months, ever since NP was split into 2 groups under 2 different leadership and objective, it had been tough for me. I struggled through comparison, dwelling in the past ministry, own spiritual life, overloaded of members to take care, and the list goes on. Many things came trashing down and I feel so lost and alone. I felt as if no one was there to help and understand. Although I have some sisters whom I’m close with, but ultimately they are only a listening ear to me hearing me out solutions does not comes from them. God just seems so far from me and that everything seems so impossible.
To be honest, there are many times and incidence that made me want to give up but one thing that always held me back was the relationship that I have with God, the goodness of being with Him as compared to being without Him. It is really far much worst to live a life without Him. Yes, definitely things are going to be easier and lesser challenges but at the end of your life you’ll just miss the purpose of life and you’ll not have eternal life too. God is good and faithful! He never tests us beyond what we can bear and I can give thanks and praise Him for that.
And when I turn back to God again and work hand in hand with Him, what seems impossible become possible. I see how God move in my group, in the hearts of the people. I see how God can work through me when I picked up courage to do what deem right in God’s eyes. I just do whatever I can and anything I know to build the group and myself too.
It was really a success that 17 out of 18 members in my group actually signed up for camp. It is a miracle as half of them are not really regulars and I am really proud of them to take a step of faith in wanting to know God more and seeing themselves gain something from the camp. I am really anticipating for the work of the Lord’s hand to be even greater in my group and of course I pray that the same will happen for the rest of the group. I pray for God to use me even more, in a greater measure.
God you are good!!
Just want to say thank you to Gabrielle, Daphane, Nel, Ace and Isaac who were there for me in tough times. I appreciate you all to be there and to really listen out and help me out. I know that at times I can get really emotion roller coaster and can get quite out of hand and hard to handle. But thanks for your patience, grace and tolerance on me. Thank you! :)
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
NO MORE SWEETS =(
Oh mans this is sad. Looks like the sweet that I bought on Monday, I can’t eat them anymore. SAD!!! –BIG SIGHS-
This is the pack of sweets that I bought.
I was happily popping sweets into my mouth today. 1 sweet per min. Lol, intensive popping of sweets into my mouth, for mouth exercise to keep me awake as I’m doing my report. Yesterday when I did that in school, I was alright. Partly I only brought a few, thus a can control myself.
But today, I stayed at home and I had the WHOLE PACK of sweets with me. YAY! But the unfortunate thing happened. =( I guess I popped too many sweets at a time till I end up having diarrhea. X( OUCH!
I was telling God, “Take away the pain in my stomach; I’ll stop eating the sweets”. The pain immediately went away and I was fine again. Praise God. I dare not even popped in anymore sweets. And as expected I fell asleep while doing work. Well it wasn’t really surprising as I give myself so much comfort. Sitting up on my bed and do work. Though I am sitting up but it doesn’t help me to keep awake, thus I end up sleeping. LOL.
So after a long sleep, I woke up feeling hungry and there again, I popped in 2 sweets into my mouth. Lo and behold, before I remember about what happened, I had a stomachache and went to LS again. What the crap mans!???!?! HAHA.
It was at a painful experience but yet a learning point for me. Three lessons I learn today, “SELF-CONTROL in the way I eat sweets”, “When you say it, you mean it” and “be consistent in doing what you say”.
I believe God has taught me to be a person who keeps the words spoken. When I say something, please do it. Don’t just keep saying as action speaks louder than words. We ought to take it seriously in the things we say, especially if it is very important decisions in life.
We also should keep consistency in living out what we say or what we want to achieve in life, so that we will slowly attain what we say we want to have. We need to work upon it consistently, not just for a day or two.
PRAISE GOD FOR THE THINGS HE TAUGHT ME! XD
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
Keep me going
It just keeps stabbing my heart again and again.
When will this stop, Lord?
A little while more as You promise?
Perhaps only through that then I’ll breakthrough of it.
Lord, how long more?
How long more will I need to bear this?
How long more will I need to feel this way?
How long more?
Keep my mind focus on You, Lord.
Keep me strong.
I am weak without You.
You are my rock and my fortress.
You back me up, when no one else does.
You are always there to protect and shelter me.
Help me to trust in You.
Help me to rely on You.
Please lift me up again.
I need You daily.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
Singing a new song to the Lord
It just feels so great singing a new song to the Lord. Filled with so much joy and peace within, expressing out my true feelings to the Lord too. Nothing else can express out better than singing it out to the Lord. One thing that I believe very strongly is that, though many times we may fail God due to our sinful nature but God desire us to be real to Him (even the sins that we commit, we should talk to God about it honestly). We can try to fake it off or saying half the story but God knows it all even before we tell Him, thus what else to hide from the Lord? Singing to the Lord is one of the ways that I could express out my true heart to God, telling Him my heart condition.
New songs just come out of my mouth as I play the chords on the guitar and start to sing out my feelings to the Lord. The more I sing to the Lord, the better it can flow with the tune with the words that comes from the bottom of my heart. As I put my heart into worship, the guitar and I become one and I sense the Holy Spirit leading me. The dynamics, climax and what to play just comes so naturally. How loud, how soft, how fast, how slow, etc it just all fit in nicely and flow smoothly. XD It calms my heart down and focuses me back to the Lord to. It is always great to worship the Lord. God never fails to minister to me whenever I worship Him. PRAISE GOD!
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
