Priest

Though the world be unfair, cruel, unfeeling and heartless.
You my Lord God,
Thou art fair, kind, passionate and merciful.

Tears upon tears have I cried many a times,
by Thine own hand, Thou wiped my weeping face.
Burrowed my face upon Thine chest.

Softly, gently assured me.
Over and over again though I be as useless as uselessness can be.

I swear today, by Thy gracious heart.
My God I shall by Thine strength commit my all into serving Thee.
Let me not hesitate in giving my everything into loving Thee.

Promise me, O my LORD.
Leave me not even for a moment so brief.
Let every star in the sky be my witness,
every life that breathes.
With every ounce of love, hope and courage within my heart, my soul and my spirit.
I pledge my allegiance, that even the slightest betrayal would mean my fall.
I pledge my love, that I shant ever love Thee a mite lesser.
I pledge my strength, that it may be spent for a higher cause such as Thee.
I pledge my soul, that it may not be corrupted by this deteriorating world.
I pledge my spirit, that it may be safely in Thine hands on the day I die.
I pledge of my entirety to Thee, that lest on mine deathbed I regret not offering mine all to Thee.

With this I pray that Thee watch over my every step,
be firm with me for I am a child.
Be kind with Thine punishments,
for I am as frail as a twig.
Let Thine constitutions never leave me and Thy love abide with me,
For now and always.

Snowy Night In Moscow and I Miss You

Shhh.. Everyone's asleep now.
Richard and Key in the left corner of the room and Vasan and Yuen Xing squeezed into his small bed above mine in the right corner of the room..
I envy them, such a merry couple.
They quarrel, argue, laugh, cuddle, cook, eat and even brush teeth together =)
They'll always have each other no matter how cold winter gets.
Their love will keep them warm.
In the silence of the night, I only have my anatomy book with me and nothing else.
I have 206 bones to memorize, in Latin and English yet I'm here because I miss you.
With no other way to contact you except to keep sending messages to your phone which I'm not even sure will reach or whether you'll read them, I decided that I'll just blog about it instead.
Not sure if you even know of the existence of this blog.
Nobody follows it anyways, just the ramblings of a hopeless romantic.
I made it because of you and for you a few days before SPM.
Guess what, its a one-year anniversary for this blog.
I miss you princess and its not even funny when I say I really do miss you till the breaking point of my heart.
Its been 286 days since the last time you called me to say we shouldn't talk anymore.
For whatever reason you may have, I'll still stand by my decision to continue loving you.
To wait on you, to hope with every ounce of my heart and to pray with every bit of my soul that one day you'll talk to me again and on that day..
I'll get to hear your laughter again.
Love is a crazy thing, yet I'm a crazy boy who's crazily in love with the perfectly lovable you which is crazily impossible for someone like me to ever win.
With all my heart,
Joshua.

Let me live on in your heart, always and forever

Let me live on in your heart.
Don't throw me out.
As if I was an old book, that you once read and carried with wherever you went and held tightly until I was all worn out.
Don't forget about me,
like the wishing star that enchanted you when you were young and how you wished you could see it again for many nights until it was washed away from the sands of your memory.
Let me live on in your heart.
Don't leave me by the roadside, to be picked up by someone random or to be thrown away.
Like the first teddy bear you received and loved to cuddle with, until you got older and received something else which took my place in your heart.
Give me some strength, to carry on each and everyday without you by my side.
Don't leave me alone.
I won't be able to carry on, being alone in the corner of the room.
Don't ignore me, I'm a delicate creature.
I might just stop breathing if you won't answer me and pamper me for a bit every once in a while.
Please, don't kill me.
Let me live on in your heart.
I rather die and live within your heart, than to be forgotten by you.
I love you and I know that's true.
So please, don't leave me alone and love me tender.

99 Days Without You

dearest princess, it was been ninety-nine days since I last heard your cheerful voice resonate through the phone..
one week before Valentine's and an everlasting sadness for me.
tonight, I reconfirm my love for you,
I won't ever give up on you.
I have vowed to be your knight and love you I will.
No matter how long it takes, or what you demand.
I will go through it all just for you.
Know that you are not just any other girl, because you are special to me.
I don't care how many other pretty girls are in this world.
You are the most beautiful one to me.
I will never avert my attention from you, even just for a while.
You're all that I want, all that I need.
I stay up thinking of you everynight, knowing that you won't pick up the phone.
Until the day you finally get married to another and form a covenant with him and watch as I slowly die.
I will love you.
Don't tell me you're too young, or we'll be too far apart.
Even the harsh winters of Moscow can't cool my undying flames of love for you.
Even if you won't speak to me, even if you won't look at me or smile at me anymore.
I will hold on.
I promise to love you more each day than I did the day before.
I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together.
I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as eternity goes.
I love you princess, and I always will.
Before the creation of time, until the end of eternity.

Turning Eighteen

In my final hours of being a minor, I am hit by my sudden realization that there's no turning back.
I'm puzzled, confused with my own feelings.
To most people, turning eighteen is a joyous occasion, a milestone in their lives.
But to me, I don't want to grow up just yet.
I want to grow tall, but I don't want to leave my life of pre-18.
I will miss my high school days, not the homework, nor the teachers, not even my friends, but at times when I could just glance over the building and look at her.
I am leaving my bittersweet life of a secondary school student.
I will be an adult now, brought into the harsh world of reality and I don't want to face without you.

For a long time now, I have been searching, for a girl.
Beautiful as a rose, graceful as a swan, tender as a dove, mysterious as the stars and fairer than the moon.
I finally found her, she is beyond what I could have dreamed of.
I wish to spend everyday of my life knowing more about her.
The word "perfect" exists only to describe her, for in my eyes, she is everything that I want, more than I asked for.
It was as though God inscribed the word "beauty" upon her.
But no matter how long or how loud the wolf howls, his cry will never reach the moon.

My dearest princess, whom I love so tenderly.
I'm sorry I could not meet your criteria.
Amongst your suitors, I'm not the tallest, the richest, the best looking, the most skillful in basketball nor am I the smartest.
I cannot promise that I will b able to make you the happiest woman on this planet, nor can I swear that life will be full of rainbows, a bed of roses.
But what I can give you, I swear it and promise you with my life that I will fulfill it.
That is, I will love you, through laughter and tears, through rain or shine, and in health of sickness, because I love you just the way you are princess.
I love you princess, you'll forever be my sweetheart, even if I'm your bitterheart.

I love everything about you.
How your face turns red everytime I'm doing something stupid just to get your attention.
How you can laugh, run and suddenly breakdown and start crying.
How you can tell me you're gonna put down the phone and end up talking for the next few hours.
How you always tease me and leave me head over heels about you.
I miss how your eyes sparkle, how your voice resonates and the way you look when you read a book.

It hurts that you chose to study over me, to focus on other things than to spare me a little of your time.
But I know this hurt, this pain and this wait is all worth it.
Because that's just the princess I loved the very first time I laid my eyes upon you.
I'll wait for you, leave my heart with you and come back a better man, a man who's worth your love.

Till then,
I love you Princess Annabeth.

Chasing Shadows

The lone wolf continues to wait upon the fair moon who no longer speaks to him.
He calls out to her everynight.
Hoping, waiting and gets no reply.
Will she never speak to him again?
Does it take his death for her to miss him?
Does she ever miss listening to his voice?
He craves her like how a bee craves for honey.
Princess, if you're somewhere out there reading this message.
I wanna let you know that I don't regret loving you.
So don't tell me to forget you, cause I'll love you for the rest of my life.

Love Me Tender

If you cant say out loud that you love me.
If loving me would make you lose your focus in life.
If hearing my voice everynight cause you to fall.

At least tell me that and leave me comforted.
Don't stab me in my heart and run away.
I can't stop the bleeding, so please help me.

If you leave me, what would I do?
I can't start the day without thinking about you, can't end the day without your listening to your voice.
The pillow doesn't seem to be soft anymore, the blanket not comforting without hearing you say goodnight.
I'll really die if you just leave me.

So please, please love me tender.
Don't let me die.
Take pity on me, a stupid boy whose heart is wholly yours.

Stella

You will never understand how I feel.
Never to experience my heartache.
For you are not me.
You do not have a heart like mine.
You were not born to love, rather to be loved.
Heaven created you, that all men may adore your beauty.
Who could not love you?

I was made to love.
And love I have, I have always loved you.
Loved you from the very first time we met.
You will never ever understand what it means to be me, nor I to be you.
For we are different in every aspect.
I cannot expect the loved to love, or the one loving to understand what it feels to be loved.

You lived in a world without feelings.
With no emotions.
Everyday, the sky is bleak.
You don't dream, for it is not in your nature to dream.

I adored you from below.
You are like a star, so high up above me.
Shining so brightly, you are so beautiful.
I reach out my hands, but I cannot touch you.
My heart longs for you, but you can't feel it.
For a star cannot fall in love.
A star has lost its heart in return to be able to shine.

Do you know why stars fall from the sky?
That's cause they suddenly miss the feeling of being held by someone they love.
They look down from above, see that special destined someone that they love and fall in love.
That's why they fall from the skies and land on earth.

Perhaps you too fell when we first saw each other.
Fate is cruel, you lost your memories when you fell and remember me not.
Or maybe its not me that you saw.
Maybe, just maybe.
It was your prince charming on a white horse that you saw.

Thus I am not the prince in this fairytale.
I am but the boy who wished upon the star and fell in love with her.
The unrequited love in every fairytale there is.

Goodbye Sweet Love

I will always remain a teddy bear.
Someone you pour your heart out to after a long day.
I'm always here, I never leave you, always in love with you.
So that you can punch me, pinch me, kick me, squeeze me and then hold me tightly and cry.
I never learned how to love anyone with this much of love, more than I have ever loved myself until I met you.
Somehow you'd never know the boy that loves you so, you don't know me.
I gave you my heart, still warm, bleeding with love and beating for you.
You took it, held it for a moment and walked away.
I stood there watching as you walked away, beside that lucky guy.
I'm always just a friend, I'll never be able to melt your heart no matter how hard I try.
Now I know, its all over.
I'm just counting down my days until you meet a guy that will sweep you off your feet.
Then, on your wedding day.
As you exchange your marriage vows while holding my heart like a teddy bear.
Something soft and tender for you to squeeze as your own heart beats nervously.
This delicate heart of mine will turn to ash in your hands.

Stupid boy. Beautiful girl.

Joshua: My dear princess, how's thine homework thus far? I pray thee has finished all of it and are enjoying life right now (:



Princess: lol. Am I living in the ancient world with ancient English?


Joshua: Nay, my dear princess. We are living in the world of modernity. It is our destiny which was from the age before time. Forgive my rudeness dear princess, I have not wished thee this morning. Mine fate lies in thine hands, punish me as thee like.



*she stopped replying*



Joshua: I'm sorry..



Joshua: Will the princess not talk to me? Shall my existence be like that of a shadow? Princess, please forgive me..


Joshua: I don't know why the princess didnt reply me. Nor do I understand why the princess' phone is off. I can only guess that either the phone is out of battery or that I am at fault again. As always, I make the princess sad. I hurt the princess feelings with my selfish wants. Forgive me princess. You can dispose of me anytime you want. I am long overdue, the expiry date has passed for far too long. I never kept my promise of being just friends. We could never be friends as long as I have a heart that continues to beat for you. This heart belongs to you and will always love you, that is a fact I could never change. Throw me aside if you dont want me, for I know I am not of use. Rather, I am a nuisance.

After You

I blinked twice, to see if a girl who's fairer than the moon exists.
I looked up and thanked God I saw such a beautiful face.
I thought of you all the time, as though the universe revolved around you.
I never knew what was the meaning of giving up.
I cried myself to sleep and wished I was never born.
I felt for the very first time, what it means to be alone and to miss someone.
I longed to hold your hand and walk by your side.
I wished to caress your skin with my lips, and to run my fingers down your hair.
I tried so hard to make you love me too.
I cannot bear the thought of you saying "I do" to another man on your wedding day.

I loved you with all life's worth to love.

I prayed every night, that someday you'll give me your heart.
I dreamt dreams of holding you.
I knew what pain felt, what jealousy meant, what causes tears.
All after, I found you.

Pieces I

Meeting the girl of your dreams is no happily ever after start.

If she doesn't love you in return, that dream come true turns into a living nightmare.

I love her, I love her since the first day we met.

Time passed to quickly with her around, too painfully slow without her.

Even if she does not love me now, even if she does not return the love.

Even so, I will continue to love her.

Until the day the sky decides to take me back, I will love her now and even after I'm gone.

Maybe, just maybe someday she might miss me and remember all the crazy antics I've done just to get her attention.

I say, its worth it princess.

Still Waiting, Its Just You

It doesn't matter how beautiful other girls are,
you're the one I love.
So stop talking about how beautiful other girls are,
cause I don't care about them.
She may be the most beautiful girl in this world,
but you are the most beautiful girl in my world.
This world means nothing to me,
you are my everything.
Even if you deny my love,
push me aside,
and treat me as just a friend.
I'll always be waiting for you,
never to give up on you.
You tell me that you see me as nothing more than a best buddy,
guess I'll just have to remain as your buddy until I find a way to win your heart.
Though its kinda unfair that you have two hearts,
both mine and yours while I have none.
I pray that someday, we'll have the last waltz together and share our first kiss when I can finally hold you and call you mine.

That's All I'm Asking For

I'm not asking for the most beautiful woman in the world.
You ARE the most beautiful girl in my world.
Not demanding for an hourglass figure.
Never seeked a woman who everyman would turn their heads and say gorgeous.
All I'm asking for is a girl who I love, and love me in return.
I don't know the art of making love, though my heart is aching with love for you.
So please teach me the ways to love you, that you will never want to be loved by another man.


P.S. I love you princess

Not Sure How Much Longer I Can Hold It In

My dear heart's desire,

You hurt me and broken my heart.

Left me with the sound of glass shattering.

I put on a strong front and tell you I'm okay.

You are the sweetest girl I've ever met, and it is an honour courting you.

A gentleman should never trouble a lady and cause her to worry about him.

Thus I keep my principles and not let you worry.

Its hard, pretending that I'm alright when I'm actually dying for your love.

Hearing your voice every night was a dream come true.

Your laughter is like the sound of bells ringing gently, its so enchanting.

Seeing you smile, my knees go weak and I can no longer stand straight.

When you cry, my heart shatters and my soul becomes as heavy as lead.

Then when you finally smile through your tears, the pieces of my heart melt to form a smiley face.

Dear love,

You know me, I was there before Time.

How could Fate be so cruel?

Has she lost her heart too?

Is it decided that we would all be heartless?

Destiny hides in the shadows, I see him no more.

All I have are the shards of my broken heart.

I hold on to them tightly though they cut my hand and I bleed.

Thats all I have, all thats left of me and my memories of her.

Crying Because You Don't Know Me

Arella, you don't know me.
You don't know me at all.
I don't blame you, they took away your heart.
Your locked up heart must be crying.
The current you have got no romantic feelings whatsoever towards me at all.
I've done my best, I've exhausted my fragile heart which I managed to protect all this while.
I've kept it safe for you.
But she doesn't want it.
I look at her with such longing eyes and she looks away, doesn't even look me in the eye.
I'm not worth her affections, I take up no place in her heart.
To her, everything else matters more than I do.
But its alright, I'll carry on with life while watching over your back.
Like how you used to watch over me, protect me and sacrificed yourself for me.
You were always the older and more matured one.
Even now, when the mortal me is supposed to be older than the mortal you.
I still cling on to you like in the old days.
You unconsciously know me, but your mind refuses to listen.
I'll always protect you even if you won't love me back.
Until the day when I finally die of grief when you are called someone else's wife.
As for now, me and my heart will continue to love you, watch over you and keep you company whenever you need us.

Midnight Feelings of A Heartbroken Boy

Sometimes I wanna hate myself and forget about her
cause she's not even my girl.
But then when I hear her voice
my entire heart melts
my resolution to not love her crumbles
and I'm head over heels bout her again.
She's the one my heart desires and the one my eyes seek.
I love her with all my soul's worth, my heart aches so much that I cry in the middle of the night when I wake up and realize that holding her was all just a dream.

Vanity of vanities

Waking up next to you is not a dream, its a longing I'll never receive.
To hold your hand and take a stroll along the beach is like a rainbow, you can see it but you'll never reach it.
Watching a movie with you under a blanket in a cold dark room, huddling together is something only imagination can present me.
But loving you, is like reading a story book with you as the princess but I am not the prince.
This is no longer my fairytale, never was, never will.

What I Feel

It hurts to love you.
Everytime I think of you, my hearts aches cause you're not mine.
When I breathe, my chest feels heavy because I miss you so much.
I'm dying cause this delicate heart of mine is not loved in return.
My heart has started to crumble, my soul dissipating into thin air.
Even so, I choose to love you than to not love anyone at all.

Breathing Gets Harder

Being in love is like balancing between two worlds.
A mermaid trying to stay afloat between air and water.
Except that this mermaid can't breathe underwater.
If you stay too long in the air, you'll dry up and die.
If you stay underwater for too long, you'll run out of air and drown.
You fight to stay afloat.
To keep this relationship going.
Its a ship.
A heavy one.
One with loads of responsibilities.
You need to keep the one you love happy all the time without putting too much pressure on them.
To pamper the love of your life without suffocating them in your love.
Its hard, you never know what to do.
You won't ever know what's right.
To love without hurting.
If you let her wander off too far, she might never come back.
If you always stay by her side, she'll feel chained to you.
Do you love me? Is what they always ask you.
You can say yes a thousand times without any hesitation.
But when you look at her in the eyes and she looks away.
It feels like a piece of your heart was torn and thrown away.
It hurts, but you continue to love her.
Because you know she's the one.
You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't do anything without thinking about her.
You're addicted to her.
Her voice is the drug you'll never get enough of.
Her face is the honey this bee will never get tired of.
Her touch is the feeling of being in Paradise.
Does she feel the same?
I don't know.
Could you tell me?

How a boy's mind and heart works

A boy trusts his girl with all his heart.
He will give her his all even if he doesn't have much to give.
Given a choice between wealth, power and the girl he loves.
A boy doesn't even think twice to say he'd choose the girl he loves over all that.

A boys mind is like an F1 car, it goes round and round and doesn't stop not even to change his tyres.
He never gets bored of thinking about the girl he loves.
Never to find her boring, never to find her annoying.
He'll never get enough of her, he's addicted to her like a drug.

When he's with her, he's so happy that even morphine is a word too gentle to describe what he feels about her company.
But he doesn't know that sometimes, he's hurt the one he loves.
He gives his all into keeping her happy, not knowing he's hurt her in the process.
Does she know that she's the world to him?
Perhaps she'll never realize just how fragile his heart is.
That every word she says, he keeps it in his heart.
Every little thing that happens, he treasures it deep inside his heart.

A boy is like an oversized teddy bear.
He'll let the girl he loves kick him, pinch him, hug him and squeeze him.
Even biting him.
Just don't throw him away.

The Meaning of Love to a stupid boy

2nd January 2011
One melancholic afternoon, 2:04 pm
A stupid boy is selfish and does not think of other's feelings.
He only does what he deems best, and says what comes to mind.
Giving his all to doing what he enjoys and trying his best to please the one he loves.
He's stupid, he's dense, he's a jerk.
He doesn't know that it'll hurt her.
He never realized that she doesn't like it.
He didn't notice how angry she is.
He will never understand that no matter how much her does, it doesn't matter.
Even if he does understand a little.
Even if he cries.
She won't hear him.
She wouldn't comfort him.
Cause she doesn't love him.
So she'll never appreciate it.
She'll never return these dumb feelings.
His selfish love will never be reciprocated.
He'll disappear along with the desert sands.
Never to find that desert rose.