Forgot to Update

thus the story ended when she no longer loved him. and he moved on with life. just when he thought life was over, he was saved by a Russian princess. they got married and lived happily ever after. -the end-

Moscow Shed No Tears

I wonder if there was a time when you truly loved me? If every moment of our phone calls meant as much to you as to me? Sometimes I sit up during the night and stare out of my window, reminiscing the late night talks we had and how we had to keep our voices down. Maybe some nights you'll think of me too. You'll remember that once upon a time you stayed up late at night talking to a boy. Perhaps you've forgotten about me by now, But back then I never ceased telling you how much I loved you every single night. You always laughed it off and asked me how much, I would always tell you more each time you asked. I saw a picture of you on facebook late one night while I was studying for a test, You were smiling so happily beside a boy. My world darkened and I was all alone, All I could hear and feel was the sound of glass shattering into a thousand or perhaps a million pieces. Piercing me as they fell and I kept bleeding, No tears would fall from my eyes for there is just too much pain.

Alone, As Always

Unlike a romantic action movie where the hero kisses the hot girl and the movie ends, Signalling a happily ever after story for the both of them. A hero enters his vacant house, he is alone. No matter what he does, the ending never changes. That is the cruel fate of the ones destined to be heroes. As how there must always be a balance in life, He who chooses greatness must pay an equal price. That is the feeling of "to love and be loved in return". It is not what he can do, rather what "she" can't do. For Fate is cruel and unfeeling, she takes away what is hers even if it be heartbreaking. A hero saves the day, wins the war, emerges victorious but loses his own battle.

In Imis Peccatum Meum

If I were a templar,
loving you would be a sin.
To gaze upon you is to break my vows,
and the very thought of you is a transgression.

As how bees are attracted to honey,
and flowers bloom in spring.
My heart cannot help itself,
but to be attracted to you.

If I cannot love you,
then I'd rather not love at all.
For if loving you were a sin,
then I'd be the greatest sinner of all.

Broken Heart Syndrome

They say love can't kill a person.
Romance is but a fool's passion.
They won't believe you if you tell them your chest feels heavy,
Your heart hurts as though it's about to break in two.
They laugh at you when you tell them,
I can't breath, I can't sleep, I can't do anything without thinking about her.
They don't know what you're feeling because they're not in love,
Only you know what it's like to love someone so much it's no longer funny.
They'll stop laughing once you're dead,
Cause it hurts so much your heart refuses to beat any longer, your breath gives way and your spirit leaves this body
To a place far far better than this, to peace far far tranquil than now.
Doctors call it Broken Heart Syndrome.
They didn't know, they didn't believe, but truth is..
Love kills.

Priest

Though the world be unfair, cruel, unfeeling and heartless.
You my Lord God,
Thou art fair, kind, passionate and merciful.

Tears upon tears have I cried many a times,
by Thine own hand, Thou wiped my weeping face.
Burrowed my face upon Thine chest.

Softly, gently assured me.
Over and over again though I be as useless as uselessness can be.

I swear today, by Thy gracious heart.
My God I shall by Thine strength commit my all into serving Thee.
Let me not hesitate in giving my everything into loving Thee.

Promise me, O my LORD.
Leave me not even for a moment so brief.
Let every star in the sky be my witness,
every life that breathes.
With every ounce of love, hope and courage within my heart, my soul and my spirit.
I pledge my allegiance, that even the slightest betrayal would mean my fall.
I pledge my love, that I shant ever love Thee a mite lesser.
I pledge my strength, that it may be spent for a higher cause such as Thee.
I pledge my soul, that it may not be corrupted by this deteriorating world.
I pledge my spirit, that it may be safely in Thine hands on the day I die.
I pledge of my entirety to Thee, that lest on mine deathbed I regret not offering mine all to Thee.

With this I pray that Thee watch over my every step,
be firm with me for I am a child.
Be kind with Thine punishments,
for I am as frail as a twig.
Let Thine constitutions never leave me and Thy love abide with me,
For now and always.

Snowy Night In Moscow and I Miss You

Shhh.. Everyone's asleep now.
Richard and Key in the left corner of the room and Vasan and Yuen Xing squeezed into his small bed above mine in the right corner of the room..
I envy them, such a merry couple.
They quarrel, argue, laugh, cuddle, cook, eat and even brush teeth together =)
They'll always have each other no matter how cold winter gets.
Their love will keep them warm.
In the silence of the night, I only have my anatomy book with me and nothing else.
I have 206 bones to memorize, in Latin and English yet I'm here because I miss you.
With no other way to contact you except to keep sending messages to your phone which I'm not even sure will reach or whether you'll read them, I decided that I'll just blog about it instead.
Not sure if you even know of the existence of this blog.
Nobody follows it anyways, just the ramblings of a hopeless romantic.
I made it because of you and for you a few days before SPM.
Guess what, its a one-year anniversary for this blog.
I miss you princess and its not even funny when I say I really do miss you till the breaking point of my heart.
Its been 286 days since the last time you called me to say we shouldn't talk anymore.
For whatever reason you may have, I'll still stand by my decision to continue loving you.
To wait on you, to hope with every ounce of my heart and to pray with every bit of my soul that one day you'll talk to me again and on that day..
I'll get to hear your laughter again.
Love is a crazy thing, yet I'm a crazy boy who's crazily in love with the perfectly lovable you which is crazily impossible for someone like me to ever win.
With all my heart,
Joshua.