wala

Sometimes, I surprise myself with raw emotions that surface unexpectedly.

Ang labo mo. seryoso.
Sino ang niloloko mo?
Alam mo naman na hinding hindi mo aaminin, kaya bakit ka pa nag papaapekto?
Ang labo mo talaga.



Walls built not to keep them out, but to keep them in.


it's a constant struggle between genuine self loathing to serene self acceptance.

=) =)

KRIS ALLEN IS IN THE FINAL TWO!

*squeals in fangirl moment*

Irritating Gokey is GONE! =)

Heartless.

I will cry if Kris Allen does not make it to the finals.

This is pure genius.

Irrational Bitch...

mode is on.

I quarantined myself at home so that I didn't have to restrain myself from being bitchy to people.

With the exception of my brother of course, but he's used to me being like this.




My course is all about Communication - studying how to be a good communicator.
Yet at times, I feel that it's a complete joke because I can't seem to apply it in real life.
My thoughts are disorganized and circumlocutory.
I can never seem to say what I really want to say.
Ha.
What a joke.

I...

need to do something about these relentless guilt trips.



Will start working on the pending things-to-do...

tomorrow.


I tend to overanalyze things. I just pray that the day you confirm my doubts never come.

idk.

I'm forever wrestling with feelings - feelings that are there but shouldn't be there.
They all just amount to frustration when I attempt to sort them out, to put them to words, or to dismiss them.
All I'm left with in the end are just vague little snippets of the raw truth: edited, deleted, refined.
Then those 3 ugly words remain to (un)explain it all: I. don't. know.
I hate being cryptic, to people, to myself.
That, or I'm just truly scared of answering the difficult questions.
I wish I could simply say things without any repercussions. But I know that can never be the case.




i.don.'t.know.what's.real.anymore.

Another Sunday Entry.

I'm having another one of 'em classic cases of wrong timing. It's either important events occur during inconvenient timings or two or more important events occur at the same time. Either way, I'd wish I could split myself in two.

4th May happens to be Important Errands Day. I have to go to the bank/s to settle some stuff for my parents, pay the bills and settle some immigration matters. Geez, I hate thinking about all these: it makes me feel so adult-ish. Seeing real adult bills and cheques with more than 2 zeroes make me scared of being an adult. I don't know why. The procrastinator in me just keeps screaming " Later, later, you can do it later" but my parents specifically set dates (even timings-which I stupidly missed but hope won't cause any trouble) so it must be serious. And I don't do Serious and Responsible well.

Moving on, my PR application has been approved. Yay! At least I can help my parents save some money. Although that means more administrative things to settle. Sigh. So after I run around doing this, I can relax (hopefully not be late) and celebrate my friend's birthday.

However 4th May also happens to be the first day of Senior's Camp, which I'm supposed to go to but I unfortunately can't because I'll be playing my own Amazing Errands Race tomorrow. I'M SO SORRY JUNE/EVADNE!!! =S I'll try to go on Tuesday to Sentosa instead. Beach time! I feel like such a lousy sub-commer. I sometimes wonder why I even signed up for it. My friends know I'm not exactly a camp person but somehow, wkwsci foc was a tad bit different -in a good way - so I entertained the idea of getting involved. In retrospect, I'm grateful they didn't choose me as one of the publicity heads when I tried out together with Evadne. This equated to less commitments during the holidays. Although there is a lot of publicity work to be done for Paparazzi, FOC to me, seems more immediate, 'bigger', and further from my comfort zone.

I've been going out almost every single day of this week! Watched the movie "Taken" today. Loved it. Loved the action scenes to the point where I forgot to breathe. Go watch it! Anyway, we got lost in Chinatown while looking for the service apartment he wanted to check out. Getting lost seems to be a common, almost natural occurrence, as long as I'm involved. Sigh.

As for Saturday, after depositing some cheque, I proceeded to Starbucks, ordered hot chocolate and Belgian waffles, settled on a nice comfy sofa chair and started reading Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. That was the life and I thought I could get used to it. I was later joined by Rena, who proceeded to draw and express her artistic flair. I love how the comics sketches are developing! Freaking hilarious. Checked out the restaurants and pubs but didn't bother entering because they're either overpriced or full of football fans engrossed in a Newcastle vs. Liverpool match. Not my cup of tea. Now if they were watching NBA finals, then that would be a different story.

I hung out with my roommate on Friday. Watched this ridiculous Japanese movie called Gu Gu the Cat (What was I thinking?!) Some parts were disturbingly cute but the story line was just so frustratingly random, draggy and gah! (for lack of better word). I've always liked the simplicity and the use of unusual dialogue in Japanese movies, but this movie simply had too many storylines and underdeveloped characters to do justice to what might otherwise would have been a sweet story. I think that if the story had more focus, as in the case of Ten Promises to My Dog, then maybe it would have made more impact. Don't even get me started on the ending. -_-
Ate yummy ramen at Ajisen then conquered a seemingly unending staircase to reach Old School. Their Cosmopolitan and Lychee Martini were quite good!

Thursday was spent "studying" with Rena and Jiaying. As always, we accomplished a lot more talking than studying. =) Why can't we all be doing the same course in the same university?! Haha. Oh, and it was on that day that I befriended a cat - a black cat - at the playground. I remember sitting at the top of the slide, ready for some reflection time when I noticed the cat just half a metre away. I said Hi. It meowed, walked over to me, settled itself comfortably on my lap, and then slept. -_- Obnoxious but I welcomed the company. And now I visit her every night for some Quiet time.

Wednesday was outing with the Pinoys before the guys went back to Philippines for the holidays. We watched Wolverine which I found pretty awesome. I had nice soft shell crab sushi at Shokudo - it's becoming a crazed obsession. Stop me!!! Sigh. I'll miss a lot of them (graduating and leaving ones) , but such is life, Hi and Goodbye. Haha.

Tuesday, I hung out with Rohan and let him win in pool and arcade basketball shootout. I refuse to believe I lost. Hmm, for the former, I admit I suck, so yeah, win all you want but basketball?! I can't believe I lost. I vented it out on Tekken, which I've never really played before but found out I'm pretty good at. My violent psycho bitch persona expressed itself quite well through the character I chose. HA HA.

As you can see, it's been nonstop spending from Tuesday till Today and I'm feeling oh-so-broke and oh-so-fat from all the eating outside. GAH.

Ok. I need plans to start being in control. I don't want to see my holidays disappear without knowing how it disappeared. haha.

I've got so many plans I don't know where to start.

I'm so looking forward to going to Bohol for a taste of White Sand Beach paradise and scuba diving.

Plan must plan.