An Individual

I want to be a stronger person.
I want to be able to stand on my own two feet,
think for myself,
make my own decisions,
and be able to carry the burden that comes with it.
I want to be able to express my thoughts,
be it in writing or speech,
without fear of judgment,
shyness and reservations aside.
I want to have my own opinions,
not superficial ones of people,
but of matters worth investing care and thought in.
I want to erase apathy out of my life,
and live, truly live a life with a purpose.

I want to be my own person.
An individual.

The Long Delayed Entry

Note: This post was meant to be posted up 2 days ago (Saturday) but due to inability to complete the what- would -have- been -an -extremely- verbose entry ( I had to do last minute chores for The Mother then dash to Rena's place for the movie marathon), I'm posting it instead today. (Not that you were interested in reading that mouthful of rubbish)

Saturday, 26th July 2008

The plan was to wake up early, clean up my increasingly messy room (before it reaches an intolerable point) then blog. But in my world, plans are never executed (notwithstanding the deluded belief that I would actually follow the plan on the day I make the plan). The Valerie of the Future persistently refuses to obey the Valerie of the Past. Take that statement in its simplest meaning and don't ask me to explain the notion of Time and Relativity. ( Without memory,
Time would be an irrelevant concept.)

I've been meaning to blog about the significant events of the past few weeks but my laziness has been the greatest obstacle. I'm the Queen of Excuses and I'm highly adept at deluding myself with my myriad of justifications to procrastinate. So instead of writing about an event right after the event itself, I postpone it, until the fresh memories and feelings (be it excessive irritation or warm fuzzy feelings) become diluted in time. I'm now numb.

I'll begin with WKWSCI FOC 2008. As you all know, I aint exactly a big fan of camps, but with that, I must say that I truly do not regret joining this orientation camp. It was worth missing Lobo for. I've always had the impression that orientation camp was where you meet people who'll eventually become mere acquaintances ; people you smile at and occasionally say a quick "Hi!" and "Bye!" to when you happen to see each other in school. That's what happened in JC. It's amazing that I do not (and do not want to) remember the names of half my OG in JC, while I know every single person, including the seniors in Ravioli. Even Chinese names! (OK, I did cheat a bit and gave some special people nicknames). But the point is, I'm amazed at how well our OG bonded. I'm seriously amazed. Just look at the turn up of yesterday's outing. About 30 people gathered for dinner (i.e. approximately 90% attendance. *gasp*) The idea of an OG outing in JC was going out with Rohan and Fang Fang.

I cheered enthusiastically, participated in the games actively, had fun during mass dance, drank orange juice with someone's spit in it, passed tomatoes with my cheek (Let me reiterate that I absolutely loathe raw tomatoes), shared tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with the whole OG, survived the scariest Fright Night, went banana boating, was made to believe I drank water from the Toilet Bowl while wading in the flooding Toilet floor, did situps on a mat laden with Goo and Ketchup, had late night girl talks, sang "I want it that way" till it became an earworm and most importantly, felt like I was part of an actual OG, despite all our differences. And so with incredible mushiness (since everyone else is being all mushy in our Ravioli blog I might as well join in) I declare that I HEARTS RAVIOLI! (note to self: That was so uncool. Oh w.t.h.)






On a personal note, I found myself being less talkative th
an my usual self. I'm extroverted when with introverted people but do not remain so when with extroverted people. It's like, I go back to my little shell, contented with being the quiet(er) observer. Not to say that I become mute wall. I just somewhat tone my "bubbly-ness" a notch down. I listen more than I talk, I have more emo moments than usual (mooning over things I've observed/realised) and I show less of my weird side. I'm basically quieter. (I can already imagine Rena exclaiming in incredulity, "Is that even humanly possible?" ).

I pray these new friendships forged will stand the test of time.

Monday, 28th July 2008

My brain is rather fuzzy today. I've been attempting to navigate through the NTU website, trying to collect information on Matriculation, Course Registration, Course Requirements, Electives To Choose, and Timetable-ing. Basically, The NTU System. Hours of staring at the screen, reading pages and pages of information has lead to overload. The Brain now seeks the great panacea known as Panadol. So now I'm sane enough to continue this blog entry.

Continuing on my Ravioli Entry, we had a Ravioli outing last Thursday. The morning and afternoon were spent playing Frisbee, Captain's Ball and Volleyball under the obnoxious heat of the sun and chilling under our 'Umbrella' while waiting for a passing cloud so that we can resume playing. Needless to say, I tanned. Again. Oh, and not to forget our Jamming Sessions where Zed (The Rocker) played the guitar and Job (The Earthworm) attempted to show his bass playing talents on an acoustic guitar. I spent half my time playing the guitar because I didn't feel like burning myself black by stepping out into the sun.

We chanced upon a hilarious sight of another orientation group. With their multicoloured umbrella's held high while cheering (The sight of guys holding umbrellas while strolling on the beach is the epitome of sissy-ness. O well, to each his own), only God knows which faculty this orientation group is from. *Hint: The male population is huge*

Under my Umbrella, Ella-ella-eh-eh

Nuraini, Junhua (Sep), Jean, Val,Charlene

Now showing: Everybody loves Earthworm

Literally on the 'dark' side. Dinner at Marche

Ok. Uploading Photos is such a bitch. Blogger is being such a retard. Instead of placing my uploaded photo where I want it, it places it at the very top of the entry by default. I then have to drag it all the way down. Save Me.

Anyway, let's talk about my first Scuba Diving Trip! Check out my photobook for Camwhoring Moments.

Make a Smilebox photobook

I must say I enjoyed the experience! Being born under the Star Sign Aquarius makes me Hydrophilic. (Don't you just love Biology terms?) I remember how awkward it was, the first time I wore my Scuba Diving Gear. It felt so...bulky and restricted while on Land. But once I plunged into the water, everything became weightless. Even that hideously heavy tank. The very first giant stride I took off the boat and into the sea was exhilarating. However, the first descent to about 6 metres was scary. I felt acute pain in my ear as the pressure dropped hastily. Saltwater entered my mask and irritated my eyes. The air from the regulator dried up my throat. I remember panicking slightly at that moment and only wanting to go back up to the surface to breathe. Then I remembered the fundamental rule of Diving which was to "Relax and Breathe normally". So once I calmed myself down, I accustomed myself to the tranquility of the underwater world. For once, I won't be using words to communicated and that is something I found very difficult. The idea of not being able to talk for an hour when there's something to talk about was a challenge indeed.

I became unevenly tanned because I was not wearing a full body suit and also had my fair share of scratches on the exposed parts of my body. My hair was a saltwater mess and I looked like a major Dork in that suit. And that Tank! Where do I even begin. That bloody heavy tank has probably made me shorter. If it weren't for that kind uncle who helped me carry the tank while I take of the gear, I'd probably topple over. My most hated part would probably have to be getting out of the water and climbing that cute ladder to the boat deck. That sudden pull by gravity is not a nice feeling. I also realised that I'm not a fan of snorkelling. On the first time we went to a snorkelling site, I remember putting on my Fins when suddenly my instructor pushed me into the water for fun. That's not why I dislike snorkelling. I just loathe it when my snorkel clogs up and I end up swallowing salt water. And it happens often. No matter how much and how strongly I blow to clear it (I look like those whales already ok).

Now to what I loved. I loved the Freedom diving offered to get close to aquatic organisms and their habitat. It was quite surreal. It's like being in a gigantic aquarium. A different world altogether. I liked spotting Nemo every few minutes. I liked seeing the colourful fishes up close. I liked being surrounded by schools of fishes. I loved watching the blue spotted ray flap its "wings" and glide. I liked the fact that I was swimming in the sea, 18 metres from surface level. I liked looking up to see the surface and the sunlight glistening on the surface. I loved the thrill of going through small overhead passageways because it's as if you're seeking treasure in a sunken ship. I loved being aboard that rather old boat; the wooden floor, the laid back feel, the sea air blowing at you as the boat moves forward to the new diving site, sitting at the edge of the side of the boat, the scenery, that feeling of insignificance amidst the seemingly endless sea, the choppy waves and the boat going up and down. I loved walking around the island, in just my swimsuit and shorts without a care in the world. I loved meeting new people from all walks of life and how our paths crossed because of a common interest.

One day, I'm going to try living the Island Life. And I don't mean buying my own island Princess Natalia. I don't want to be an owner but just a member of the community. Bohol? Boracay? Someday. =)

--------------------------------------------------------------

I have a long list of things to do waiting for me tomorrow. It's time I press the snooze button.

Good night.

P.S. I've matriculated. ( I don't know why but matriculation sounds like a pregnancy word)
I got COM 201, COM 203 and COM 204(T9).
Now to choose my electives... *headache*
I want to take Japanese!

15 quirks

The cloud of laziness has been hovering around me persistently lately and that is why I am unable to bring myself to blog about long overdue events and thoughts. Meanwhile, let me entertain you with my 15 weird habits/little known facts. (I've been tagged by at least 3 people already so how can I not do this?)

1. I cannot stand raw tomatoes. I mean it. Even if I forcefully stuff it down my throat I'll regurgitate it. Cherry tomatoes are still tomatoes. I can't even stand the part of the sandwiches which have soaked up the tomato juices.

2. I call all hamsters Pebbles, after my first hamster, regardless of sex. I often address my hamster as "My Darling Pebbles". Embarrassing I know, which is why you'll never ever witness me doing such.

3. I love bookmarks but I'm hopeless when it comes to using them. I either devour the whole book in one go, rendering bookmarks redundant, or simply make a doggy ear, and sometimes even just leave it open at that page ( which practically snaps the book in half). I like my books tattered, doodled over and visibly used. Book lovers (the kind that maintain their books in its most pristine condition) hate me.

4. I can spend hours a day attempting to complete J/K dramas. I cannot be left in suspense or I'll spend the whole time I'm not watching thinking about what's going to happen. True drama addict.

5. I always have the urge to punch something when I'm stressed. Dudes arms (the non skinny ones) make good substitutes for punching bags. I have violent tendencies.

6. I love Rhett Butler. Utterly random but he is just too cool not to love.

7. I'll cry before I even talk back to my Mom. I just don't know how to talk back.

8. I've never fallen in love.

9. I remember having a crush on my older brother's friend who was 4 years older when I was like...9? and I would act all ladylike and mature just to get his attention. But when they started teasing us, I pretended to hate him of course.

10. I'm a rather jealous person but you'll never know it when I am.

11. I used to have pet spiders called kaka. I didn't mind them crawling up my arm, one at a time of course.

12. I exclaim "shokoy" at everything. Shokoy means merman in Filipino btw.

13. I hAtE iT whEn PeoPle TypE liKe ThIs. N wn ppl sms w/o vwelz 4 evry wrd. (Ironically, Filipinos do this a lot. But I cannot stand it.)

14. I actually find some anime characters hot. Tamahome. I live in fantasy world.

15. If I find myself liking a guy, I'll be in denial till I find myself not liking the guy anymore. No, I don't get it either.


I tag ...anyone who bothers to read my blog. Haha.
Yes, You.

Thursday Morning Mumblings

This busy-ness is strangely unsettling.

Having slacked my butt off for the past don't-want-to-count-how-many-months, this sudden hectic schedule is straining my supposedly hibernating brain cells.

I still have not paid off my sleep debt accumulated from FOC. I think I now resemble the panda butler during fright night (Senior Jin)

I've been busy mugging ( that is one verb I have not used in a very long time) for my Diving Theory Test (which yours truly passed of course). Despite promising myself I won't cram for exams anymore, I still did, for this exam out of desperation.

Speaking of Scuba Diving, I had my first pool session yesterday and it was a strange experience. I initially had this dangerous tendency of forgetting to breathe (it's a reflex action when you're underwater ok?) and when I finally remember to breathe, I forget that I can't breathe through my nose! It was definitely not a nice feeling breathing in water. But I've gotten the hang of breathing through my mouth. I'll blog about the whole thing more after I officially complete the course (Pray I don't switch to ultra-blur mode later or I will fail,and that is like, so uncool.)

I better stop babbling now. I still need to go back to pulau NTU to hand in my GIRO form and then go back to our favourite JC to collect my A level cert.

I need to satisfy this craving for pasta or pizza.

Like Rena says, I don't know what delayed gratification means. Haha

P.S. I keep having this urge to shop. I think I know why now. It's because my travelling plans did not materialise and I feel the need to compensate for it. Haha.

WKWSCIFOC 2008

All I can and want to say right now is ...

WKWSCIFOC 2008 (Try saying that in one breath) was UBER COOL!

Ravioli! Huat La! We rocked!

And our dear seniors were supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! lol

Thanks for everything!

4 years suddenly don't seem so bad after all...

*we are wkw...weee!*

Camping at ulu NTU island.

The stamp pic looks kinda wrong.
HA HA. I've got a really bad headache ok.
The 5 day 4 nights camp has not even started yet and I'm feeling shit tired already. Been rather busy these days and I've been lacking sleep ( and the seniors already told us to get more sleep before the camp . I was not able to heed that warning). Valerie is so dead. I hope my battery does not run out so fast.
JJ camp was just 2 nights and I was exhausted after that.
This is twice as long and I think I'll just drop dead before I even reach home.
I'm even missing the final week of LOBO (where my darling husband Piola Pascual is starring) for this camp. And all of you know I'm a religious follower of my drama.
So this camp better be the antithesis of JJ camp, damn it, or I'll be one pmsey woman after the whole thing.
I have to tutor the following day, then celebrate herbivore's birthday.
Rohan, if you're reading, let me just warn you that if I'm a horrible zombie on your birthday, just appreciate (greatly) the fact that I'm sacrificing much needed sleep for you.
Don't you feel so utterly guilty already?! Mwahahaha.
And I need to cram studying my diving manual on Sunday and Monday.
I'm screwed.
Why is everything happening all at once?! GAH.
OK, enough ranting.
I'm off to sleep. The fact that I'll be meeting my coursemates tomorrow is still a surreal thought.
I'll deal with the reality of it when the time comes.
And I packed like I'll be away for a month.
Big heavy bag + Short girl carrying it = ridiculous sight.
I'm strangely excited
anxious
and lazy.
Gosh. I actually feel lazy about going.
The thought of lazing around with my books and just slacking is so enticing.
I'll summon enough enthu-ness tomorrow.
OK. I will really shut up now.
Bye.
Don't miss me so much!

Love,
Val =)

One of those inane posts

Shit!

There's a fucking bug in my room.

You know those spineless (cue: haha) black creatures which fly in erratic desperation as it looks for its way out? Oh and they make those freaky buzzing noises as if they're preparing to attack.

The buzzing is gone. I think it died. I hope it burns in insect hell for entering my room without permission.

I used to play with spiders and grasshoppers when I was a kid. Gosh. I've become such a sissy.

Having my own laptop and wireless internet connection is so liberating.

It makes blogging down random thoughts a simple process of just turning on my mac.

I think what I love the most about it is the fact that I can surf the net while comfortably settled on my bed. Totally slack. I love.

I ran today. I'm so unfit. I could only tahan 2 km today. I didn't help that I tripped on smooth straight road on my third round. I'm a hopeless klutz. =S

If anyone has cared to observe, the sky has never had the same look twice. It may seem similar on some days, but cloud formation and the distribution never repeats itself. Unlike the sun, who looks the same every single day of its life. And it's been like this for a million years.

It's just heartening to know, that even if my life, is like the sky, ever changing every day there will always be the sun, ever constant and familiar always reassuring me with its presence.

I happened to be in my parents room last night when the commercial for the Filipino version of Ugly Betty was being aired. My dad then said, "Wasn't that show a big hit in the US?". So I replied "Yup, it's pretty cool." What my dad said next just left me speechless. "It was that actress right, Hannah Montana, that acted as Betty?"
-_-'''

I shall go swimming tomorrow morning, together with the Ah Gong's association. =S
These Old Men in Speedos seem to congregate their every morning. So fit.

I swear my brain cells are deteriorating. Studying suddenly became a painful process. I was reading my Diving Manual (Yes Nat, I have actually started) and the mention of the words buoyancy and pressure actually intimidated me. Couple that with the fact that I'm becoming more and more forgetful, I'm worried that I might not be able to do this whole diving thing well. AH!!!

I should seriously stop watching dramas. I can spend hours engrossed in them. Watching online is actually very convenient because I can fast forward and save time (I'm just making up excuses). I just watched one about bullying. It's called LIFE. Girls can be very sadistic. The saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" by William Congreve (Not William Shakespeare. I googled it to sound smarter). There has been news reports that bullying cases in Japan are actually increasing. See, evil can reside even in seemingly innocent facades. Reminds me of my O level text, King of the Castle. Ok. I don't want to remember it.

This is such a random and inane post.
Get used to it, I'm just being true to my blog name.

It's tumbling and I'm stumbling and I can't stop it.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I was just playing around with Smilebox. Yes I'm vain.